Chapter 20

About to open her mouth to announce her presence, Temari comes to a halt upon hearing her parents' supposed to be private conversation. After listening intently, Temari goes back to her room quietly.

Temari sits down on her bed. Folding her hands on her lap, she feels confused but at the same time a repressed part of her is fighting to break out to shout that they are not siblings. Getting angry with herself for feeling a sense of relief, she then tries to focus instead on the fact that she's not Nara Temari but Sabaku no Temari.

Slowly as the more important implications set in, Temari realizes that her life is one big lie. Her Kaasan—no Yoshino has decided to keep the secret from her but now that she knows, she can't pretend. Or it is safer for everyone if she did? Clenching her hands on her lap, she feels fear take a hold of her.

But everything that she is, everything that she was taught, everything that was given to her, everything that she considered hers, is just loaned to her by Shikamaru. Shikamaru is the rightful owner. Even the relief she once felt, suddenly turns to unreasonable envy and then transforms to slowly smouldering irrational hate.

Shikamaru is her kaasan's and otosan's real child. She—she's just—NO! She's their daughter too! She's not that monster's child! But being that man's daughter also means she has two siblings. A slight twinge of curiosity erupts from her but she tries to contain it. She has already met Gaara and Kankuro. She might be impressed by their fighting abilities but the youngest one tends to stare at her meaningfully, as if observing her every move and the first time she had fought with him, Gaara has made her feel weak. While the second one, Kankuro seems to treat Shikamaru with no respect, making his older brother often times the butt of his annoying jokes and that always irked her somehow. If she grew up with them, she wonders how they would have treated her.

With Temari's mounting uncertainty, her unwelcome curiosity mixed with the feeling that she doesn't want things changed, and knowing that she's being selfish for wanting things to remain the same, the envy and the added realization that it was her that prevented Shikamaru from having what is his due, comes the guilt and then the hurt. She doesn't want to admit it but knowing that her biological father doesn't want her and maybe even her biological mother, pains her a lot. Also the fact that she will never get to meet her, her real mother, in a way she has to convince herself that it doesn't matter. Heaving, her chest tight, all her emotions have created and added to her burgeoning anger, some towards herself but mostly for the man she should be calling father.

She can't live knowing the truth of her birth and not doing anything about it just because of fear of the consequences. If fear is the only thing stopping her then she needs to face it.

—o0o—

"I'll bring Temari back. I promise" Shikamaru speaks solemnly. He's glad that he is able to talk some sense to Shikaku. After all, Shikaku going to Suna would mean him committing suicide. He could take his two loyal friends Akimichi and Yamanaka with him but against Suna's hundreds of shinobis, it will be a mission that even a nonstrategist could correctly predict the outcome to.

Yoshino dabs at her eyes with a piece of cloth printed with tiny flowers then glances at her 'son'. She opens her mouth then shuts it without saying anything. After staring at Shikamaru like she has seen a spirit at the start, she now barely looks at him but upon hearing his sincerity, she shows her gratitude by giving him a weak and uncomfortable smile.

"Shikamaru, son," Shikaku mentions. He does not really need to add anything else. All the things he wanted to say are enclosed in those words.

Shikamaru looks into his father's eyes. He understands what Shikaku is trying to say. Somehow if you don't say it out loud, you could still pretend that everything is the same as before. That you are still the same person you think you are. Shikaku acknowledges him as his son but at the same time Shikaku doesn't. Nothing has actually changed. And admitting to them that he has overheard their conversation would not really accomplish anything.

Maybe three days ago, Temari has confronted the Kazekage to ask him for the truth; getting nowhere she has rushed home and eavesdropped on her parents' argument the same as he. While he blocks the truth from his mind, Temari faces it. Typical, Temari couldn't pretend at all. She's the only one brave enough to tackle the truth. She has already left for Suna.

Before Shikamaru could turn to leave, the last thing he sees is Yoshino's profile, still re-reading Temari's letter. He also saw that brief note; its content: Okasan, Otosan, I love you but I want to know why. He didn't pretend ignorance by asking the couple what Temari means by her letter. Somehow, his silence has clued in Shikaku that he already knows and everyone of them are now playing the game of make believe.

Closing the door of the Nara residence, Shikamaru mumbles to himself, "Troublesome woman, what's the use of knowing the reason when you're dead." But somehow Shikamaru feels that she will be alright. The kazekage could have killed her, his own daughter anytime but did not. Maybe the father he has known all these years isn't such a monster after all. But somehow he still can't cast aside his disbelief that easily.

—o0o—

Temari with no one expecting for her to return has easily been able to slip back in to Suna.

But several metres away from the Suna entrance, lurking behind one of the close premises she notices the young shinobi who has followed her from the Kazekage office almost seven days ago. She has seen him before and knows that he is a part of Baki's new team. He is called Kaito and obviously judging by the way he surreptitiously observes the people leaving Suna, he is still looking for her.

That day Temari was able to elude her hound that had started following her several minutes after leaving the Kazekage, by being patient and being knowledgeable of Suna's alleys. Kaito probably thought she would rush immediately towards the Konoha's borders. She did not. She led him around Suna until she lost him.

It was sheer luck that Temari had also noticed a caravan loading produce from Suna. One of the female assistants was coughing badly. Temari then changed the colour of her hair to nondescript brown and pretended to be a civilian needing a job. Temari was hired on the spot.

The journey out of Suna took longer since the route taken by the caravan was not one that goes directly to Konoha but to a nearby village, picking up and selling products. When the caravan had reached the neighbouring village, Temari made sure that nobody had followed her, before making her move. She pretended to have contracted the coughing spell from her sick companion and implied she was contagious and appearing weak, requested that the caravan should go ahead without her. Being able to separate from the group, Temari made up for the lost time going back home.

Temari had wondered then why the Kazekage hasn't sent more men after her but now she realizes why he didn't. The shinobi, Kaito is tasked to follow her and probably to report her actions to the kazekage but not to kill her.

Lips lifted in a bitter smile, Temari passes in front of Kaito. The Suna nin is unable to recognize her with her brunette hair and civilian clothes. The ordinary Suna robes she has used before drapes and flows over her body, making the heat more bearable.

Temari pushes her shoulder length hair away from her face. She knows what she appears like with her dark brown hair untied and let loose around her face. She doesn't look like Temari at all. As a child she would change the colour of her hair to dark brown similar to her parents. But her father would say, "Tsk," in an unmistakable protesting tone and her mother would get mad saying her blonde hair is so pretty, she shouldn't change it.

Funny how the colour of her hair has always bothered her, changing it to dark brown has made her feel more a part of the Nara clan but at the same time it also feels like it isn't her.

Turning a corner to hide in an alley between two buildings, Temari changes to her yukata with the Nara clan insignia then returns to her blonde tresses but with it lying in disarray around her face, she takes the rubber-like band from her wrist, she is on the act of tying it to a single high ponytail when she notices the three other spares left around her wrist. Pausing, she brings her arms down then lifting them again; she removes her hair tie from her hair then separating a clump of hair on the upper right portion, she ties the first pony. Removing the second band from her wrist, she takes the upper left portion of hair and ties the second pony. Temari doesn't stop not until she has four ponytails—she has added two more, one each below her first two.

Breathing deeply, she pushes herself away from the building and joins the traffic of people walking on the pavement of Suna.

It is only a matter of time before Kaito would come to notice her.

—oOo—

TBC

~4/13,27/11, 7 2 2O~