92 Days

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett has left the hospital after her shooting, This describes the activity of each, during those 92 days without contact, both in the hospital and out. It blends some Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. What were each up to during this time, Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

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Chapter 20

Beckett's Apartment

5:14 AM

Day 93

Kate's POV

Kate hadn't needed an alarm, hell she hardly slept at all, worrying about what she was about to do. She was ready to leave for the Hamptons, to the home of Richard Castle. She hadn't seen him in 92 days and her heart was breaking. Doctor Burke had opened a pandora's box of lies that she had been telling herself for almost four years, she did have feelings for her partner, hell she loved Richard Castle.

She thought about taking the Harley out for the trip, and just pretending she had been out for a ride, but no, she scolded herself, that's a damn lie and you know it. The lies stop here and now. If he throws me out, it's nothing I don't deserve and I'll have to deal with it, along with the help from Doctor Burke.

She kept remembering his words, "Remember Kate, just as you have set boundaries, so has Mr. Castle, perhaps those that preclude you from being in his life. You need to be mindful that just as you deserve others to respect your boundaries, or cut them from your life, so does Mr. Castle. Please prepare yourself and just be prepared for the worst-case in any event."

She had talked to her Dad last night, and he wouldn't budge on any information about Rick, only that he seldom saw him at all, and when he did it was for a meal or cup of coffee. She did learn from him that the one hard and unchanging rule he had, was that her name never be brought up unless it concerned a problem with the royalties.

"Katie, I'm sorry, I really am, but after I heard what you did, who can blame him for never wanting to hear your name again. You let him think you were in the cabin with another man, a doctor no less, for three months, while HE provided the support staff, and security to keep you alive.

"He told me once that you had a fit about him trying to do something for you, so when you returned to your apartment, you were on your own, he recalled his security team.

"His direct words, were, "Mr. Beckett, you told me that if anything happened to Katie, her blood would be on my hands. Well, Sir, with all due respect, I think I've more than made amends for not getting to her fast enough when the sniper fired. She's hell-bent to go after the killers by herself, then I can't stop her, and I suggest you do what I did, let her go and forget about it.

"You won't change her, not when she's reenergized now with a fresh dose of hatred for those men responsible for the loss of your wife. I understand, but Mr. Beckett, she's a sworn police officer, she took an oath to uphold the law. An oath she conveniently forgets when it comes to her evading the very same law, she swore to uphold to get revenge, not justice, not anymore. She's out for revenge and no one can stop her." And then he walked away from me.

"Was he angry Dad, or did he use a low deep monotone voice when he spoke?" Kate asked,

"No, he wasn't angry, he wouldn't look at me, but his voice was as you say, monotone, and deeper than usual, and he enunciated every vowel. There was no mistaking the message he was delivering from one Dad to another, he was done with you, your lies, and your stubbornness. He was done with the guilt I had laid on him the night before the funeral, his debts were paid in full to us both." Jim said softly,

"Then things are worse than I thought, he only uses that tone when he is really done with someone or something, I know, I've seen it." She replied,

"Well, Katie, just remember he's been lied to repeatedly, rejected for other men, ideas crushed because he wasn't a cop, and all attempts to make life better for you scorned unless he forced his people to carry out his wishes.

"We were at lunch one day and Renee, your nurse started to give him an update on your condition, all he said, was tell her father, placed the call on hold, handed me his cell phone, and indicated to me to take the call somewhere outside his hearing range.

"Renee asked me if he was OK, and for me to keep an eye on him, he rarely ever pushed people out of his life no matter what they did, but it was looking more and more that was what he was doing with you." Jim said, "I'm sorry but you should know what to expect, I hope you don't make the drive for nothing."

She pushed all those negative thoughts out of her mind, and decided to take the car, her bike was still too jolting for her internal wounds still healing, and she didn't need to be disabled any longer than she needed to be.

She stopped at the Java Joes, treated herself to two bear claws, and an extra-large latte with her sugar-free vanilla pumps, used the ladies' room, then started out on the approximately two-hour drive to the Hamptons. Then she would need to find the home if her GPS didn't pick up the street.

Back in the car and on the road again, she hummed along to the music on the radio, the radio, what a childish thing to control. She thought back as she took Rick's head off for changing radio channels, hell for even touching it, what a fool she had been.

This time of morning Interstate I-495 wasn't the used car lot it usually was. There was a steady flow of traffic, but nothing like she had sat in, far too many times. She was upon the Easton exit before she knew it, but decided to take advantage of the Doughnut Sign she could see for miles illuminated.

It was about time for a bio break, and she could use another cup of coffee. God only knows how long it would take her to find Rick's home or the reception she would get. She was roughly two-thirds of the way to the Hamptons, according to her GPS, and her expected arrival time was 7:47 AM. She decided to have the coffee and doughnut inside at a booth while she allowed some more time to pass, she didn't want to wake him up by getting there too early.

She was back on the road 36 minutes later, she watched as her GPS readjusted her expected arrival time from 7:47 AM to 8:23 AM, then as she turned on to I-27, the GPS warned of congestion 5 miles ahead, and added an additional 35 minutes to her arrival time. She wasn't in any hurry, but she did want to get there before he left for any activities.

She was amazed as she saw the sunlight now cast millions of sparkles on the water as she went over the bridge, she was close now and still hadn't seen the congestion. As she took the exit, she saw what the GPS had referred to, it was the town of Hampton Village, and stoplights and normal traffic were going. She proceeded along the route, hoping that the Hamptons didn't have more than one R Rogers listed as homeowners.

Finally, the GPS instructed her to turn right in 100 feet, and she had reached her destination. She turned right but didn't see any house, so she continued to drive, through a line of beautiful trees, on both sides, not found in this natural habitat, so someone paid a fortune to have them planted and cared for, then she saw it and gasped. He said beach house, not beach mansion.

She was staring at a huge, home, inside a huge gate, made of wrought iron with a golden R on the left side, and C on the right, lucky for her, a car was just pulling out so she drove through the open gate.

She pulled up to the parking spot, she didn't observe any cars, his or his guest, so perhaps he wasn't home. She fought the urge to just turn around, and go back to New York, she had come this far, she had to see it through.

As she got out of her car, she heard the ocean lapping the shore, making the peaceful sound that only the water kissing the sand could do. God, did he own his own beach as well? How rich was he? She stood for a moment, caught her breath, and approached the front door.

Now she had to make a decision, use the doorbell or knock? She looked at the enormous house and made her decision, the doorbell, he might not hear her knocking. Hell, he might not hear the doorbell either, she still was marveling at the size of the mansion.

When he had casually mentioned his beach house to her when he invited her to stay, she was expecting something more in line with her Dad's cabin, not something out of Better Homes and Garden magazine with a private beach as well. The home must have at least 8 bedrooms, and God knows what else, she thought.

She took in another deep breath and closed her eyes, and pressed the doorbell and waited, and waited, and waited, or so it seemed. In reality, she only waited 6 seconds, the time it took Rick to leave his office and walk to the door. He opened it, not knowing what to expect, the pool maintenance guys had just left so it wasn't them,

He opened the door, and she could see the shock take over his face, "Beckett, I won't ask how you found my house, we both know how you abuse the use of police powers when it suits you, what do you want?" The look on his face had now changed from shock to disgust.

She hadn't come this far to have the door slammed in her face, so she stepped through the open door, past him, even uninvited. "We need to talk, Rick," she said in her most forceful voice without sounding like a bitch.

"About what? You made yourself very clear when I saw you in the hospital, let's see, I'll call you in a couple of days, well, it's"

"It's been 92 God Damn days since I lied, and sent you away, would you please give me ten minutes, then I'll leave, please. I didn't expect you to roll the red carpet out for me, but one thing you would never allow anyone in your home to be was rude to anyone, did that change, Rick?" She got out, fighting back tears,

Just then the doors to the pool opened and in walked Gina, in a yellow bikini, or perhaps half of one, she was falling out all over, and her thong left little to the imagination. Behind her was the source of the giggling Kate had heard the lady from Los Angeles, Eva.

She was built even better than Gina, and her white bikini didn't have to be so skimpy, it was like looking at an X-Ray of her without the machine, The biggest difference between the two, outside of Eva's bust was much larger, she also had a natural tan, one that was gotten by the sun, not a tanning booth. She looked beautiful and actually younger than Kate remembered herself looking when she looked at herself when she left New York this morning.

"Oh, I'm sorry Rick, I didn't know you had company, I'm sorry to have made so much noise, it's good to see you up and about Detective, I hope you get back to 100% real soon. Eva Galantine, please meet Detective Katherine Beckett, the inspiration for Rick to create the character Nikki Heat. Detective Beckett, this is Eva Galantine, Rick's partner, and co-executive producer of the future Heat films.

"It's nice to meet you Detective, and I echo Gina's sentiments, it's good to see you moving around so well, " as she extended her hand,

"Thanks, Eva, I still have farther to go than I've come, but I think things will work out all right, it's nice meeting you as well" as they exchanged handshakes,

"Rick, we decided to do some shopping, after all, she leaned in and kissed Rick quickly on the lips, exposing everything but her areolas to him, "I was going to say don't miss us too much but it seems you have business to discuss with Detective Beckett," Gina said, as she and Eva went up the stairs to their rooms to change.

"So," was all that Kate got out before Rick talked over her,

"So what? What do you want to know Beckett, am I sleeping with my ex-wife and my partner from work? Are we having a good time, you know getting kinky, what do you want to know?

"Not that it's any of your business, but ask me, I promise you, I'll either tell you the truth or refuse to answer the question, I never lied to you Beckett, I just wish you could say the same to me." Rick was hot, and Kate knew that this wasn't a time when she wanted to push anything, especially when he was right. He had never lied to her.

"Rick, can we go someplace private, I know this is your home, but really, I have things to say to you that I would rather do just between you and me, can we do that please?"

"Are you up for a walk? I see you don't have your six-inch heels on, it's sandy where we're going" he said, lacking any sign of even faked enthusiasm.

"Sure Rick, as I said, please just ten minutes, and try not to hate me so much with every word I say. Look I hurt you, I lied to you, and I know it, and I'm here to make it right if I can, more later, please, let's go for the walk.

He leaned up the stairs and yelled, "Genes, Eva, enjoy your shopping, I'll see you when you get home, Beckett and I are going for a short walk."

Gina was down the stairs in a flash, "you don't think I'm leaving without my goodbye kiss, do you?" she kissed him a bit longer, clearly marking her territory. She had lived through the lies, hurt and deceit, her former husband had endured, and she wasn't about to open the door with a royal welcome to the one who had caused him so much pain.

Rick walked silently to a door and then slid his sandals off for another pair he kept outside his door. Normally he would hold the door, allow her to walk through first, check on her welfare, that was gone. She knew she had more than one letter and one meeting situation on her hands, she was losing confidence by the minute,

Rick stopped by the small outdoor refrigerator, and took out two ice-cold bottles of water, took one, and left the other on top of the table as he made his way down a trail to the beach. Kate assumed the water was for her, so she took it, and opened it as she walked behind him a few steps, until they reached his beach.

"OK Beckett, you wanted privacy, this is as private as you're going to get, so start talking, it's your dime," he said as he walked slowly, allowing her to catch up and walk beside him.

"Rick, I know you caught my lie when you came to the hospital that last time, you knew I heard you, and I did, every sweet word. What you don't know is that those words were what pulled me through the first three weeks when there were times, I thought I was going to die, others that I wished I had." She said,

"I knew that I owed you a face-to-face apology, no one who hurts anyone as much as I hurt you should think anything but is acceptable. I've changed Rick, I know everyone that's in prison because of the work we did as partners say the same thing, but I'm serious. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that Josh and I broke up when we did,"

"Why didn't you Beckett" Rick interrupted,

"Honestly because you were still with Gina, well as far as I knew. I never knew that she loved you as much as she does, but it's easy to see now. You may not be husband and wife, but she loves you just as much as she did then. I know I hurt her as well, and I'm working on apologizing to everyone on my list.

"That's bull shit Beckett, want to try again, and remember, how am I supposed to believe you if you continue the same old lies," he said in that damn low monotone voice.

"You're right Rick, it was bullshit, it's the answer I told myself, the real reason was I didn't want you to know that I can't hold a relationship, especially after all the terrible comments I made about you and yours.

"When have you ever heard me say I'm sorry for anything? That was wrong, I did a lot of things that were wrong, and hurtful. Here, please read it before you go back to Los Angeles, please. I tried to explain as much as I could" she said, handing him the letter, he just looked at her,

"Rick please, don't make me beg? It's a letter, not a bomb, just read it when you have calmed down and don't hate me so much." He reached out and took the letter and folded it and put it in his back pocket.

"I don't hate you, Beckett, you see that's the difference between us. I ALWAYS considered your feelings, except for the one time when I went behind your back to work on your Mom's case. In your case, you NEVER considered mine, not with Will, not with Demming, and especially not with the next wonder of the world, Dr. MB. He saved a life this morning Castle, what did you do, make pancakes?" He repeated a barb that obviously had struck deep, as Kate lowered her head.

"You'll never know how many times, I told myself I was done with you, your sarcasm, you belittling me, even bringing in your flavor of the month to pile on along with Espo. Then for some reason or another, I would get pulled back into your web. You were on a pedestal, well at least to me, and you had been, since, well, I put you there. Every man has a breaking point, and I finally reached mine. The pedestal fell and crashed, Beckett.

"What I did after you were shot Beckett was a fulfillment of a promise from one Dad to another, even though he was wrong to do it, he was desperate to protect his little girl, who was too damn stupid to even see she needed it. It didn't make up for me failing to get to you, but it will ensure it doesn't happen in your apartment.

"You've heard of my new life, and you've met Eva, who I love dearly. You see she's a partner, I can TRUST. We've had some tough times, some long days, but we never abused the trust each placed in the other, and anything else that's occurred between us is none of your business Detective.

"For all, I knew of you, Josh had healed you and you were working on the third go-around with the Kamasutra manual. Renee tried to tell me something once, but as much as I love her, I threatened to fire her if she mentioned your name again. She has known me a long time, and she knew it wasn't a bluff.

"You're crying Beckett, for who, me or for you, I don't know, and does it really matter after you allow me to formulate my own opinions for a full quarter of a year? As he saw her tears streak down her face, out came his signature handkerchief as he handed it to her, never missing a step.

"You know I've felt pain, I've been hurt before, hell, Meredith, even cheated on me in our bed, but all of those didn't come close to the pain you caused me, Beckett. Meredith, in her own misguided way truly thought she was performing part of the job. You, only you and God knows why you acted the way you did, not once, not twice, but three times.

"The one question I leave you with Beckett, perhaps you can guess it, it's easy." He paused,

"You want to know WHY, don't you Rick. I wish I could give you an answer, a truthful one, but I can't yet. I don't know if I ever will, but if you read the letter, really read it, Rick, I tried to explain as much as I could. I'm a mess, and a work in progress, but the key is I am working on myself, for the first time in my life,

"Perhaps it's too late, perhaps I've destroyed any remaining small possibility of making things right with you, but even if that's true, you need to hear it at least once from me. I heard you say it, and I know how powerful those words were to me, so I love you, Rick, please don't leave me, Rick, I love you.

"Just in case that line took you by shock, it's true, I have loved you for a very long time, but I have to trust you now to decide just how much your heart can bear. I know, if I look at it, I haven't burned the bridge, I bombed the whole damn town, so, thanks for listening.

"I love you, Rick, I hope to hear from you, if I don't I know where I stand. I promise you this, no matter what happens between us, I won't stop working on myself, until I correct that fault that may have cost me your love, the lies.

They had sat on the bench in the garden area on their return trip to the house, Rick was speechless. Kate gathered herself, and walked up the path, towards her car, when she heard Rick from behind her,

"Beckett?"

"Yes Rick", she said, knowing now the ball was completely in his control, no more words would help,

"Thanks for writing the letter, knowing WHY always helps," he turned and entered the house as she got into her car, and headed back to the city. She had no more clue of her status than when she had arrived, but it felt like a load had been lifted off of her, regardless of what happened. She had been truthful, the first time she could say that.

TBC or Sequel? Please Advise which you prefer

A/N As the title says this fic was designed to cover the time, activities, and events of both Rick and Kate while she retreated to the cabin to finish healing. I think that objective has been met, now the question remains is do I continue this story, or allow some time for you readers to catch up with life then begin a sequel, potentially. I'm not promising, either way, it depends on the reader's response where I invest my time, writing Fan Fic, or counting the number of river rocks in each flower bed of my house.