Chapter Note: This story has been rated T so far, but for this chapter an M rating might be more suitable.
"I said I love you. I'm in love with you, Olivia Benson. I've been trying to decide how and when to say it, but I think we should say it when the people we care about need to hear it. And right now I need you to hear that I love you, that I need you, and that I want you more than you will ever know."
In that moment, everything she had been worried about earlier in the day faded away. Looking into his eyes and saying those three words back to him suddenly seemed like the easiest thing in the world. "I love you, too. More than I ever thought possible," she whispered. She dropped her hands and took a step toward him, pressing her body against his. His hands once again found the bare skin of her back, immediately sending a shiver down her spine. He was leaning in for a kiss when he heard laughter behind him, closer than before.
Turning to see the boys swimming toward the dock, he placed a quick kiss on her lips before whispering in her ear, "Can we continue this discussion later?" "Mmmmhmm," she hummed in response, then pulled away. Stopping to grab her sarong and the boys' towels, she met them as they hopped out of the water while Elliot tied the paddle boat securely to the deck. As the four of them walked back to the house, she quietly slipped her hand into his. He kissed the back of it before letting go, and they headed their separate ways to shower and get ready for bed.
"Did you have a good day, bud?" he asked Eli as they unpacked. "Yeah, I did. I like Noah. He's younger, but he doesn't act younger, you know?" Elliot smiled, nodding at his son. He was really proud of the young man he was becoming. "Do you mind if I hop in the shower first? Kinda beat after all that swimming." "No, you go ahead," Elliot responded. As Eli headed to the bathroom, Elliot sat down on the bed and grabbed his phone. Opening a new text message, he clicked on her name.
Meet me on the deck after the boys are in bed?
Noah had taken his shower first, and then she tucked him in before hopping in herself. As she let the water cascade over her, she replayed the day in her head; the joy on her son's face, the way Eli took time for him without complaint, the beauty of this house and its surroundings...the way she felt hearing Elliot say he loves her. It was almost as if this whole day had been a dream...one she never wanted to wake up from.
Stepping out of the shower and drying off, she quietly tiptoed out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Noah had fallen asleep quickly and she didn't want to wake him. She reached for her phone on the nightstand and saw his text. It made her smile to know that after spending the entire day together, he still wanted more time with her. She slipped out of the bedroom and out to the deck where she found him waiting.
The moon was reflecting off the lake, causing light to dance in his eyes. She always thought they couldn't be any bluer, but somehow tonight they seemed to be more vivid than ever. He sat on the oversized porch swing in a pair of boxers and nothing else, and she felt an unexpected twinge of guilt for the thoughts that flooded her mind. Occasionally the past crept in and she remembered he was Elliot...her partner...Kathy's husband. So much had changed, but now and then those old feelings found their way to the surface. Things had changed though, and she was here with him...and there was no place else she would rather be. She sat down next to him, curling her feet up underneath her and resting her head on his shoulder. He smelled like sandalwood and eucalyptus after his shower, and she was intoxicated by him.
He glanced down at her, the moon like a spotlight illuminating her beauty. The dark green nightgown she wore was thin and covered just enough to leave the rest to his imagination. To be fair, what was visible had his imagination working overtime as well. The silk and her skin rubbed against his chest as she sat down next to him and he had to breathe to keep his body from reacting. Get it together, he chastised himself. He had suppressed his feelings for her for so long that it felt foreign to allow himself the pleasure of looking at her...really looking at the beautiful woman next to him.
"Eli was asleep before I even got out of the shower," he said as he wrapped an arm around her. "Same with Noah. They played hard today." She nuzzled in closer to him. For a while they just sat there staring out at the lake in silence, both letting themselves enjoy this closeness. She raked her fingers through the patch of hair on his chest as he ran his hand up and down the part of her thigh not covered by her nightgown. After months of taking their time, it was nice to be in this place, touching each other more intimately than they ever had before. He sighed contentedly and she lifted her head to look at him. "What are you thinking about?"
"You. Us," he said simply. The way he said us, just as he had earlier, gave her a feeling of security she couldn't describe. Like us had always been a foregone conclusion just waiting for the two of them to catch up.
"El, when I said I love you earlier...that wasn't just a response to you saying it first," she said, letting her hand fall to his stomach. "I was just waiting for the right time, too." She paused, letting her fingers trace the outline of his abs. "Today was the right time." Lifting her gaze to meet his, she leaned in and brushed her lips against his jaw before ghosting them over his lips. "I love you, Elliot." Without breaking eye contact, she slowly untucked her legs and repositioned herself so that she was straddling him.
His hands found her hips as he stared at the woman in front of him. "Liv," he said, his voice husky. "I meant every single word I said to you today. You? Us? There hasn't been a day since we met that I haven't thought about it. Not one." He dropped his hands to her legs, sliding them up and down her thighs. The feeling of her skin against his hands was driving him crazy, and he shifted beneath her in an attempt to regain some composure. "But we don't have to rush. We don't have to do anything you're not ready to do."
He was trailing fire over her legs, leaving goosebumps in his wake. She knew he meant it...he would stop if she asked. But all she could think about was the feeling of him beneath her, touching her, and the last thing she wanted was for him to stop. She leaned forward and placed her hands on his face. "We've spent the last twenty-two years fighting this. Maybe it's time we stop."
Then his lips were on hers, slowly but firmly setting a rhythm. Every doubt, every fear, every worry melted away and she molded her body to his, reveling in the taste of his lips. His hands glided slowly down her back. He cupped her ass, somehow pulling her even closer to him, the evidence of his arousal pressing against her. "Mmmm," she moaned into his mouth, grinding herself against him.
"God, Liv," he mumbled, bringing his mouth to that spot below her ear and sucking gently. Her hands danced along his chest until she couldn't take it any longer. She tilted his head back up to meet hers and captured his bottom lip in her mouth, pulling it slightly before letting go with a grin. "Your kisses alone may be the death of me, Benson," he said as he stopped to catch his breath. His hands were in her hair, his fingers tangled in the dark brown strands.
"Funny...I was thinking the same thing about your hands, Stabler…" she said. With a smile, he brought one hand down to rest on her breast before giving it a light squeeze. "So you're saying you like the way I touch you?" he whispered, Letting his thumb circle her nipple through the silk. "Yes," she breathed as he continued to caress her through the material that was barely covering her.
She couldn't explain it, but time seemed to stop when she was with him. Every "first" somehow felt new and exciting and familiar and comfortable and she wasn't sure how that could be possible. He had never touched her like this before, but he knew instinctively what she needed. Every inch of her skin buzzed in anticipation. Silently, her own hands found the hem of her nightgown, pulling it up and over her head and letting it fall to the deck. She sat, bathed in nothing but moonlight as he took in the sight before him.
"Say something," she whispered, looking down at him. His eyes wandered over her body, memorizing every dip and swell of her. Bringing his hands up to cup her face and staring directly into her eyes he said, "You are absolutely breathtaking." Slowly he brought his hands to rest under her thighs, gripping them firmly as stood both of them up. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he turned, laying her gently on the swing. Standing there, looking down at the woman that he had dreamed about for so long, he suddenly understood how she felt on the dock earlier. She had literally and figuratively laid herself bare in front of him, and he wanted nothing more than to give her everything she needed...everything she wanted.
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly.
"I've never been more sure," she replied. Confident that she meant it, he slowly removed his boxers, letting them join her nightgown on the deck. Her eyes traveled the expanse of him, standing there like some chiseled Greek statue, his entire body as rock hard as if he were made of granite. He took a step toward her, climbing onto the swing and positioning himself above her. "You are so damn handsome," she said breathlessly as he lowered his body gently until it was resting on hers.
This time when his hands found her breasts, there were no barriers between them.
He took his time, allowing his fingers to get to know every forbidden inch of her. He could feel her hands roaming over his arms, his chest, his ass, his back...it was all hers for the taking. His body, his heart, his future were all hers, and he gave them all to her willingly.
Dreams didn't hold a candle to the reality of his body pressed against her, his hands all over her, his mouth trailing kisses down her body. Her skin was electrified under his touch. She wrapped her legs around him, drawing him closer to where she needed him most. She slipped a hand between them, rubbing her hand up and down his length. "You're so hard," she said, kissing him hungrily.
The feeling of her hand gripping him was almost more than he could take. The effect she had on him made him feel like a teenager, unable to control himself. He could see that she was struggling to hold back as well, and all he wanted was to let go - of the past, of the pain, of the walls they had so carefully built for so long. "Liv?" It was the only word he could manage, but his eyes met hers and said all he needed to say in that moment. She reached up, bringing her lips to his ear. "Just go slow," she whispered.
It had been so long since she had been with a man, but it had never felt like this. The way they fit together...the way they moved in sync with one another...the way their connection went beyond just physical. This wasn't just sex. He was making love to her the way she had always dreamed he would, and it was better than any fantasy.
Staring into her brown eyes, he felt a wave of relief crash over him. There was no need to hide his feelings for her any longer. No need to look away from the beauty beneath him. No need to pretend she wasn't everything he had ever wanted. The sound of his name on her lips as she let go was his undoing, and in that moment he knew he would spend the rest of his days trying to be a man worthy of her love.
After, they laid tangled in each other for what felt like an eternity. The earth had shifted and the moon was no longer directly over them, as if it too knew that they needed this moment to themselves. "Was it worth the wait?" he asked as he brushed her hair back and kissed her shoulder. Turning to look at him, she traced her finger over his lips before she kissed him gently.
"You were worth the wait."