He couldn't sleep.
It seemed like an eternity had passed since that weekend on the lake. They had been dating for about ten months, and he honestly couldn't remember ever being happier than he felt when he was with her.
There were still days when he found himself thinking about Kathy. He didn't think that would ever change. The love he felt for her was real, and the emotions that came with seeing his children navigate their own grief still came in waves. What he felt for Liv was different though. He had chosen Kathy, and continued to choose her day after day. With Liv it didn't feel like a choice. It felt like the universe had conspired to bring them together, like she was a missing piece of him.
He glanced over at his dresser, where a small black box sat illuminated in the moonlight. It was fitting, poetic even, that the same moon that had bore witness to their first night together was now casting light on the symbol of his love for her. Tonight, if everything went well, she would say yes.
She had no idea what he had planned for the day. All he had told her was that they were spending it together...just the two of them. He had even taken care of Noah; Dickie was taking the boys out for a guys' day and that night they were going camping. It was rare to get to spend an entire day alone with him, and she was looking forward to his undivided attention.
A year ago, she never would have believed he would come back. She thought she had moved on...maybe she had. She had certainly advanced her career since he left. The unit had seen great detectives come and go, and each of them had filled a little bit of the hole in her heart that he had created. There were men, good men like Brian and Ed, who had been there for her even when she couldn't commit to them the way they wanted. And then there was Noah, her rainbow in the middle of a hurricane. Life without Elliot had been difficult at first, but it had gotten better. She did have a good life without him.
But it was infinitely better with him.
There were still days when she found herself feeling guilty. She had everything she had ever wanted when she was in his arms, but she was well aware that it came at a cost. He never made her feel that way though. If anything, it was the opposite. He made her feel like she was the only woman in the world, which was fitting considering that as far as she was concerned, he had always been the one.
She let Noah sleep in that morning since they didn't have to leave until 9:00. The plan was for them to meet at Elliot's apartment where Dickie would pick the boys up. Whatever else Elliot had up his sleeve was still a mystery. In the cab she went over all of the rules with Noah. "Remember to listen to Dickie. Stay close to him and Eli. DO NOT wander off on your own. You have my number and Elliot's number in your book bag…" "MOM, I've got it. Don't worry. I'll be on my best behavior." She smiled at him, realizing that her little boy wasn't so little anymore. "I know, sweetheart. It's not you that I don't trust." He was a responsible kid, and she knew Dickie would take care of him. Still, he was her son. It had been just the two of them for so long that she still had trouble leaving him sometimes.
When they got to Elliot's apartment, Noah ran up the stairs and knocked on the door. Eli answered, and soon after they all said their hellos and goodbyes, the boys were ready to go. She wrapped her arms around Noah one more time, kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you, my boy." "I love you too, Mom." he said and he squeezed her back. He's growing up, she thought, but he's not too grown up for hugs and kisses yet and for that she was thankful.
He stood back and watched as she said bye to Noah before the boy headed out the door with his own sons. She closed the door slowly and turned to face him. Wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a simple white t-shirt with an olive jacket over it, she somehow made casual look just as stunning as formal. His eyes looked her up and down once before meeting her own, smiling at her before taking a step closer...then another...then another...until he was standing right in front of her. "How do you always look so perfect?" he asked before taking both of her hands in his and kissing her lightly on the lips.
"I love that you're impressed by jeans and a t-shirt," she grinned. She understood his sentiment though, because he was also dressed in a pair of nice jeans that fit perfectly in all the right places, and a navy blue shirt. She loved it when he wore blue and he knew it. "You look nice as well, Stabler." He kissed her again, a little more firmly, realizing that he got to spend the entire day alone with her...and the entire night. "Are you ready to get going?" he asked as he released her hands and headed toward the door. "You're really not going to give me any hints about what we're doing today?" To be honest, she was excited that he was keeping everything a secret, but she never could pass up the opportunity to give him a hard time. "No. Just trust me. It will be a good day."
Trust him. That wouldn't be a problem. He had always been the one person she could trust.
In truth, he had been planning this weekend for quite a while. He had made reservations at a bed and breakfast in Southhampton. After the weekend at the lake house, he felt like the beach was a perfect place to spend a romantic evening away from the bustle of the city.
Heading out of the city, he rolled the windows down and turned the radio up. A classic rock station was blaring Jackson Browne and the wind was whipping her hair around her face. Her smile lit up her whole face and he had to remind himself to keep his eyes on the road.
She reached out and put her hand on top of his, dragging her thumb back and forth across his knuckles. There was a lightness to him today that made her wonder what he had up his sleeve. They were headed east, which probably meant the beach, but she didn't want to make any guesses. Whatever he had planned, he was excited to surprise her and she wasn't about to ruin that for them.
As he was driving, he realized this was the longest they had been in a car together since they were partners. Glancing over at her, he smiled. "Kind of like the old days. Driving around for hours...just the two of us." She squeezed his hand, but he noticed her smile faded somewhat. "I always looked forward to those nights, you know. But they weren't easy." She didn't want to burden him, but she also wanted their relationship to be built on truth. "Being that close to you for so many hours...sitting in the darkness...close enough to smell your aftershave but so far away from you. El, I wouldn't trade those nights in that squad car for anything, but they also broke my heart." He sighed, wishing he hadn't said anything. It wasn't his intention to upset her in any way. "Liv," he began. "I didn't mean...I'm sorry." Lowering his voice he whispered, "It wasn't easy for me either. But I'd do it all over again." That brought the smile back to her face.
Two hours after they left his apartment they arrived at the bed and breakfast. "Surprise number one. This place is supposed to be great. It's right on the beach, the food is supposed to be amazing, and our room has an amazing view."
Our room. She liked the sound of that.
"El, this place is beautiful." She took it all in, impressed that he had thought of this getaway. She could feel him behind her before he wrapped his arms around her waist. He dropped kisses along her shoulders as his hands roamed over her belly. "Not nearly as beautiful as you," he answered.
She turned in his arms and kissed him, bringing her arms up around his neck and pulling him impossibly close. Her tongue skimmed against his bottom lip and he smiled. "Save something for later, Liv," he teased. She brushed herself against him, leaning in as she said, "Don't worry, detective, I've got a few things in mind for later." He groaned, wishing he could take her right there. "Liv," he breathed, "I've got other things planned for today, and if you keep this up we are going to miss it all." She smiled and playfully slapped his ass before walking back to the car to grab her bag. Handing him his and then taking his hand she said, "Take me to our room."
Once they dropped their things off upstairs, he told her they had lunch reservations at a local cafe. He led her down the stairs with his hand on the small of her back, and it made her think of one of their first dinner dates. The simple ways he touched her never failed to cause her pulse to quicken. They walked a couple of blocks to a little cafe on the waterfront. "Reservations for Stabler," he said confidently and then followed the hostess to a table outside. The sound of waves crashing against the rocks was music to her ears. She was taking in the view, marveling at the beauty around them, when she felt him take her hand. "Good surprise so far?" he asked. His only goal today was for her to be happy, and so far he seemed to be succeeding. "Wonderful surprise, El. I would have been happy just to spend the day with you in your apartment, but this? This is incredible." Once again she smiled at him and he took a deep breath, reminding himself that she was real and somehow chose to be here with him.
They each ordered a salad and a sandwich, and when it came she laughed. "How many times back then do you think we ordered two different sandwiches and split them in half so we could have a little of each?" He laughed in return, thinking about all those hurried lunches at the precinct. "We had it down to a science. Pretty sure we tried every single sandwich at that one little deli on the corner." She cut her sandwich in half and handed it to him. He did the same. "This is the second time today that the past has come up," he noted. "Sometimes it's nice to remember how far we've come," she replied.
"So, what's next on the agenda?" she asked as they walked back to the bed and breakfast. "Well, I thought maybe we could sail around the island. There's a local business that does tours. We have a reservation at 4." "That sounds fun...but what are we going to do until 4?" He smiled, taking her hand and bringing it up to kiss her palm. "I was thinking that relaxing on the beach would be nice...but I'm open to suggestions." He turned and winked, and she felt both exasperated and turned on by his confidence. "The beach sounds perfect."
The B & B had a private beach for its visitors, so after changing into their swim suits the two of them made their way down the sand to a couple of chairs facing the water. The sun was out and it was warm, but not overly so. He laid his towel on one of the chairs and started to put sunblock on before sitting down. She watched him for a few seconds, then reached for the bottle. "Let me help you with that," she smiled. Squeezing the contents of the bottle into her hands, she slowly rubbed the lotion over his arms first, enjoying the feeling of every muscle and vein she found there. Next she moved to his back, running her hands from his shoulders down to the waistband of his trunks. Once his back was completely covered, he turned to face her. Not breaking eye contact, she let her hands roam over his chest. She felt his abs flex when her hands reached his stomach, and she wasn't sure if he was doing it to impress her or if her touch had caused him to tense. Either reason made her feel damn lucky.
"Your turn," he said, and she wasn't sure two words had ever sounded sexier. He took his time, letting his hands find every inch of exposed skin. Her arms, her back, her stomach, the swell of her breasts, making his way down to her legs before slowly returning to her face. He smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks before gently rubbing the remaining lotion in. Then he held her face in his hands and their lips found each other once more.
He sat down in the chair, leaning back and pulling her on top of him. "Elliot, we can't…" she protested, but she made no move to stop his assault on her lips or the path of his hands down her back. "Why not?" He asked as he placed his lips on her ear lobe and sucked gently. She sighed. "Because getting arrested for public indecency is not a good look for two of New York's finest." He stopped then and laughed, making a show of looking her over. "New York's finest is right," he said as she walked toward her own chair.
Their time on the beach went quickly. She read a book while he napped next to her. Occasionally she would put her book down and let her eyes roam over him, perpetually in awe of his body. As partners she had never allowed her eyes to linger, but he had always taken care of himself and she had certainly always noticed. Before though, he hadn't been hers to appreciate.
A little bit before 4:00 they headed toward the harbor. The sailboat was waiting for them, along with its captain; an old man with kind eyes and a warm smile. "Welcome aboard! My name is Captain Russell. You must be the Stablers?" He glanced at her, trying to gauge her reaction, but she just smiled and replied, "Please, just call me Olivia, and this is Elliot." The fact that she didn't correct the captain gave him an extra boost of confidence...one he was sure he would need to draw on later that night. "Yes, ma'am. Just come on up here and we will get started." The captain took her hand while Elliot's hand once again found her lower back, guiding her up the steps. He then climbed aboard and together they took their seat. Captain Russell untied the boat from the dock and slowly they set sail. "El, this place is amazing." She snuggled closer to him, wrapping the arm closest to him around his back and bringing her other hand to rest on his stomach. He smelled of sun and salt and lotion and she made no effort to hide the fact that she was breathing him in. He pulled her close, resting her head against his chest and letting himself get lost in the feel of her hair against his cheek. "I'm glad you're having a good time. I had hoped you would," he said, his lips brushing the top of her head. It was flattering that he put so much thought into making her happy. "I'm having a wonderful time," she replied, "but any day I get to spend with you makes me happy."
Captain Russell pointed out interesting facts about the island, its history, and some of the older landmarks. He also shared stories about his life and family. "The two of you remind me of my wife and I years ago. So in love. She was a looker, just like you dear," he said to Olivia, causing her face to blush. "We were together for 45 years before the good Lord called her home. She loved to be out here on the water, so I always feel a little closer to her out here." Elliot looked down and saw her wipe a tear from her eye, but he didn't say anything...just held her. "She sounds like quite a woman, captain," he said. "That she was son. That she was."
Their tour lasted about 2 hours. When they returned to the dock, Captain Russell gave Liv a hug and thanked her for being such wonderful company. "The pleasure was mine, captain," she said before stepping carefully onto the dock. Gripping Elliot's hand in a firm shake, he pulled him closer. "Let me offer you a piece of advice, son. A woman like that doesn't come along every day. Don't you let her go." "I wasn't planning on it. Thank you, sir," he said.
Taking her hand, he led them back to the bed and breakfast. "One more costume change for dinner, and then we can discard all clothing," he said with a wink. "Hmmmmm, I don't know. I brought this new pair of pajamas I thought I might wear. They are very cute with little unicorns on them. I wouldn't want to get cold," she teased. Pulling her into their room, he closed the door and pressed her up against it, his breath hot on her neck. "I'll keep you warm," he breathed, and immediately she felt herself begin to throb. "If you keep this up I'll never make it through dinner," she managed as his thigh rubbed against her, the ache for him growing by the second. He grinned at her before he took a step away, and although she knew it was for the best, she already missed the contact. He grabbed a pair of khakis and a white button up shirt and headed to the bathroom. She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a navy blue sundress with a floral pattern and a pair of strappy sandals.
He changed quickly, and when he emerged from the bathroom and saw her in that dress, he stopped dead in his tracks. She smiled and did a little twirl. "Do you like it?" "Liv…" He still hadn't moved, and now he couldn't seem to speak. She was so damn beautiful that even after two decades she still rendered him speechless. "I'll take that as a yes," she grinned, walking over to him and placing her hand on the patch of bare chest that lay exposed beneath the top three buttons that he refused to use. "The staff has dinner ready downstairs. Shall we?" He reached out his arm to her and she took it, making note of how perfectly they fit together. Downstairs they had the dining room to themselves. He was right...the food here was delicious. "This may be the best seared salmon I've ever had in my life," he said. "We may have to make this a regular getaway, El. You did good." He smiled, but his smile began to fade when he heard the sound of thunder in the distance.
He had planned to ask her on the beach at sunset, with the waves kissing the shore as he bent down on one knee and asked her to be his wife. The scene had played out a hundred times in his head. None of those times involved a thunderstorm. "What's wrong?" she asked, bringing him back. She noticed the way his entire demeanor had changed and she wondered if she had said something wrong. "Is everything ok?" "Yeah, everything is great Liv," he answered, praying the storm would blow over by the time they were through with dessert.
It didn't. The sky began to fill with clouds, blocking any chance of seeing the sunset. The slow rumble continued, and his heart sank. "Are you sure everything is ok, El? You seem upset." He had to get it together. He couldn't have her thinking she had done something wrong. Not tonight. This may not have been the way he planned the evening, but since when had anything between the two of them gone as planned? She was here with him, and that's all he wanted for the rest of his life.
"I'm not upset, Liv. I'm happier than I've been in a very long time. Maybe the happiest I've ever been, and it's all because of you. You make me happy." He rose slowly, walked over to her side of the table, and kneeled in front of her. "Olivia Benson, I can't make up for our past, but I can promise you I will spend the rest of my days making sure you know how much you are loved."
He pulled the ring out of his pocket, and she felt the tears coming. Elliot was kneeling on one knee, ring in hand, and she was convinced she must be dreaming. The look in his eyes was so gentle and sure. "I wanted to do this on the beach, but the rain had other ideas. Liv, will you…" "Wait," she said suddenly. She smiled at the confused look on his face. "Come with me." She grabbed his hand and led him outside, into the rain. "Liv, are you crazy? It's pouring!" he exclaimed. "It is. And it's perfect. Do you remember the first time we kissed? We were in my apartment and it was storming outside. El, ever since we met we've been weathering storms, but we always come out on the other side." She wrapped her arms around him, their clothes sticking to their bodies as the rain continued to fall. "There is no one else I'd rather go through life's storms with, Elliot Stabler."
He dropped to his knee again, looking up at the love of his life, completely soaked and smiling as if she didn't have a care in the world. "Liv, I love you so much more than you will ever know. Will you marry me?"
"Yes," she said, and all of a sudden he was slipping the ring on her finger and kissing her as if he was afraid this moment was too good to be true. As they stood there in the rain, he realized she was right. Whatever storms laid ahead, they would meet them together. And when they did go through difficult times, she would remind him that sometimes the most beautiful things come after the storm.