Here's hoping I can get this published prior to the US release of Winterlight! As always, I look forward to your reviews :)
Karigan fumed all afternoon as she bathed and relaxed and tried to read a book in the common room. Her anger gradually melted as the evening approached and Mara and Tegan commandeered her for dressing. By the time they had completed their finishing flourishes on her hair and dress, Karigan had dissolved into laughter with both of them. Really it was too hard not to when they were determined to lift her spirits. Mara, the only one who had seen the extent of Karigan's wounds, had performed the dressing before Tegan arrived. This was always a complicated affair since it required her to stand above Karigan on the bed so she didn't have her to raise her arms too much. By the time the pain of wiggling into a dress has dissipated Tegan had boisterously marched through the door and begun her grandiose hair styling. They were in fits of laughter and gasping as Karigan straightened with a wince and whirled for their approval.
"Acceptable," Tegan stated primly and they laughed again. They handed her a little velvet pouch and with glances of admiration and softness watched her as she left. They looked each other in the eye and tears formed. The rider life was hard and more so on Karigan than any of their other comrades. The joy made up for it but sometimes the pain and sadness was just a bit too much. It was nice to see her glammed up for the night. Arm in arm, they walked to the common room hearth where Garth was ready to lighten their evening with a keg of ale, story and song.
Karigan entered the dining hall with a nod from the Weapons posted at the door. The hall was only sparingly lit with candles since the huge balcony doors had been opened wide to allow the dying rays of the summer sun to filter through with a soft breeze. Karigan was late. The garden party was in full swing with the first course currently being served by the demure servants. Chairs had been artfully placed around the room and Karigan swept her gaze critically, crestfallen to see that all the strategic single seats had been taken and the only ones remaining were those that meant she would need to sit with a dowager of some sort. Drat.
She walked towards the balcony and was intercepted by a staffer who offered her a glass of chilled Rhovan red or a lightly sparkling Rhovan white. She accept the latter, sniffing appreciatively at the contents. Whilst she was grateful to her father for many reasons, his love of good wine had to sit somewhere at the top and she was always in good stead at royal events. It was at least a bit better than the dredge that Garth managed to procure for a song. She smiled and thought of her poor friend Mara, who would likely have a wicked headache the following morning.
Sipping, she made her way outside and spotted Laren on the garden lawn chatting with Elgin. She interrupted them with a smile and Elgin exclaimed.
"My Karigan, don't you scrub up nicely!"
Karigan blushed as Laren winked at her.
"I'm sure our good friends Mara and Tegan were ever so helpful."
The slight drawl to the Colonel's sentence made Karigan laugh and she defended her friends stoutly. The three of them continued to enjoy light banter about the riders before their conversation turned to the delivery expected from Damian Frost in the coming weeks.
"We need at least 2 dozen at the rate riders are coming in," Laren was saying.
Elgin nodded grimly, "Aye, and a few more for when the first lot need replacin"."
They stopped laughing. War was the ever present undercurrent that no festivity could hide.
Laren sighed. "Aye, there's that too."
Karigan was silent as her thoughts drifted back to memories of Damian Frost and his magical ranch. She smiled and shook her head as Fergal's adventures played at the forefront of her mind. Elgin smiled at her.
"Memories," she said in explanation. "That ranch really was something else."
Laren nodded in agreement. "The first time I ever visited Damian and Lady was an accident. I was meant to be delivering a message to the Mirwellians and when I was about 2 days ride from town…"
Laren regaled them with the story of her first visit much to the delight of her companions. She was just finishing when a discreet cough behind Karigan caused them to turn. General Khodell bowed.
"Colonel, Rider. I bid you a good night."
Laren bowed. "It certainly is General, just the night, in fact, for a small party outside. Aeryc forgive an old soldier, but I much prefer these things when His Majesty hosts them outside under the stars."
The General gave a warm laugh as Karigan bit back a smile.
"I couldn't agree with you more. That being said, it is my duty as a visitor to partake of some of the inside festivities and I would be most obliged if Sir Karigan would lend me her company."
Karigan smiled. "Of course General, I'm more than happy."
They walked amiably towards the steps.
"I am sorry if I disturbed your conversation with your friends."
Karigan shook her head. "Oh no, we were just chatting. Besides, although I'm not one for the indoors either, I'm starving."
Khodell eased his pace as they mounted the stairs and he spoke of his favourite dishes from home. Karigan's mouth was salivating. As they perched near the heavily laden table he spoke to her of vine wrapped delicacies and the cold fruits of his homeland. Karigan in turn spoke of her favourite dishes, randomly selecting tidbits from the table as she spoke.
"There is nothing quite like the taste of freshly caught fish, lightly fried in butter on a cold bed of salad. You can still smell the salt spray. Of course, it tastes better with a cold ale to wash it down."
She sniffed appreciatively as a waft of sea air appeared out of nowhere to vanish a moment later. To her surprise she felt an intense pang of homesickness and hurriedly drank a sip of wine to hide her glistening eyes. The cool citrus exploded on her tongue and she cautioned herself. She rarely drank more than 1 or 2 glasses, and she had almost emptied her second without having eaten too much. She felt the tiniest bit fuzzy and put the glass down, selecting a water instead. It would not do to appear before the General as she did down at the Cock and Hen on the rare pay day when her close group of rider friends were all in town.
In the background, the musicians began playing different music, and she recognized the strains of a traditional Rhovan waltz.
"Would you care to dance?" Khodell asked. Karigan thought she detected the first sign of nervousness she had seen in him, as he blinked at her several times.
Karigan considered. She couldn't really say no but she could barely sit in a chair. What to do…
Khodell stiffened as he obviously mistook her hesitation for rejection. "I am sorry to have asked," he began. Karigan placed her hand on his arm quickly.
"No, no. I'm sorry, it's not you. I was just thinking about whether I can actually dance or not. I'm uh, not in the best physical shape."
His eyes softened as he stared at her face, watching her as she licked her lips nervously and eyed the other dancers. She was clearly trying to judge how best to not injure herself and he felt a pang of sorrow for her. But beneath that, there was also a pang of excitement. Of lust.
"If you like, we can stay at the side and stop at any time you like."
She looked at him and saw he watched her with a barely contained intensity and she felt a thrill deep in her belly. She took a deep breath.
"Ok. Just be gentle."
"Of course, my lady." He bowed and offered his hand to lead her to the dance floor. True to his word, he modified the dance pattern so that they remained mostly by the edge of the dancers and weren't drawn into the complicated, energetic group. Their first few attempts were clumsy as they tried to find a series of moves that wouldn't cause her pain. Once they figured it out, Karigan felt herself swept into a heady joy that she hadn't felt in an age. She felt like a woman, and there were rare few occasions that happened these days. She definitely noticed her back protesting but the heat in her body and in Khodell's gaze calmed it for a time. As the dance came to an end, Khodell gently swirled her to a stop and bowed, before proffering his arm and escorting her to a nearby seat. She sat, thrilled and slightly breathless. He asked a waiter for wine for himself and water for his companion and Karigan smiled, touched he had noticed.
"I thank you very much for the honour General. It has been a long time since I have danced a Rhovan waltz. I was most pleased to be able to finish such a lovely dance." With you, she added to herself giddily.
He smiled warmly at her.
"You dance very well. I am sorry for you that it is not a joy you experience often. Is there no dancing in the Rider halls? Back home it's a rare night the soldiers aren't enjoying some frivolity, much to the dismay of their superiors."
His chagrined smile caused her to laugh since he clearly counted himself among said superiors.
"Oh there's plenty of mischief that the Riders get up to. It's just that we are separated so often that it is a rare night that we are all together under one roof to enjoy such a thing. But I promise you, we make the most of it when we can."
Karigan's eyes and mouth softened with warmth at memories of raucous Rider parties, which were infamous in the castle. Khodell was entranced.
"It must be difficult for you to dance, with the use of only one of your eyes."
Hesitating, he raised his hand and traced under her eye patch with his thumb. Karigan averted her gaze, suddenly aware that they were very much visible, despite being in an alcove. And very aware of what that patch hid. Secrets. There were always secrets. She sighed and then hurriedly replied, "Yes it is. I've had lots of training to regain my balance and depth perception, but not enough for a Reel!"
He laughed and removed his hand. Suddenly he stiffened and stood to his feet, bowing. After a moment of surprise Karigan cursed the king again – he must be watching her – and mirrored Khodell's movements with her awkward half curtsey.
"Your Majesty," began Khodell, "Sir Karigan and I were just discussing some of our favourite local cuisines. I wonder if there are any here from your province?"
The King smiled and nodded although to Karigan's sensitive eye it looked slightly strained. "Lord Khodell I am happy to inform you that my favourite dish is being served shortly. Perhaps you would care to try it? It is a special type of fish pastry served often in my hometown, with plenty of fresh butter and rosemary to flavour the crust."
Karigan was entranced. It had occurred to her recently that even though her bond with the king seemed to grow each time she was close to him she knew very little about his personal life. Fish pastry piqued her interest. Who would have thought? With surprise, she found herself emboldened and staring up into his face, she continued the conversation.
"I am very partial to something similar, Sire. I guess that's not surprising since Corsa and Hillander are so close; they must have many similar foods. Whenever you have visited Corsa I would be surprised if they hadn't served it to you. It is a white fish dish but rather than wrapping the fish in pastry it is sort of mashed into the fish, with lots of lemon. Very delicious."
The king looked at her in surprise. Perhaps it occurred to him too that it was their first mundane, personal conversation.
"You know, I do remember eating something that matches that description when I was on a state visit as a Prince. I recall that meal because it was served with a very delicious white wine, and followed by a marvellous berry dessert. I don't know why that memory stayed with me. Perhaps because it reminded me of home, as food so often does."
Karigan smiled at him gently. "Ahhhh the Coloose. Another of my favourite dishes. When I was a little girl I used to pick the purple berries on the hill behind my house all the time. I would spend hours there with the local children. My aunts used to tell me off every time; I would come home covered in blue juice, or with ripped clothes, or if I was very unlucky, both!"
The king laughed with warmth. "I can imagine what scrapes young Karigan would have found herself in. It seems this trait has followed you into womanhood."
The king meant well and he smiled at her with a special smile. But all of a sudden her humour evaporated. She forced a smile back but his words brought unbidden memories to the surface of her mind. She unconsciously touched her patch where the General had lain his fingers gently just a moment before. The king must have sensed the change in her mood as his strained mood returned soon after and the conversation stalled. The General sensed an undercurrent he couldn't quite pick apart and stood straighter.
"With respect your majesty would be honoured if you would allow me to say goodnight and retire to my quarters?"
The king nodded his head.
"Of course Lord Khodell. I wish you a good rest."
The General bowed. "Thank you, Sire."
Turning, he gently clasped Karigan's hand in his own and bent to kiss it, his lips warm as he lingered a fraction too long.
"My lady, it was a pleasure to spend the evening with you and dance with a song from my homeland. I bid you a good night and I will see you at the negotiations tomorrow."
Karigan murmured a goodbye and curtseyed, her cheeks flaming red. Oh my, she thought, her eyes trailing after his figure as he walked away. She shook her head and brought herself back to find the king still in front of her, his figure slightly strained and his smile more forced.
After a moment he broke the silence. "I hope you have had a pleasant evening Karigan?"
"I have Sire. Truth be told though, I will be glad when this visit is over. It has been quite a challenge."
The king nodded in sympathy.
"I have admired your persistence through what I imagine must be great discomfort. I hope some of our small modifications have helped ease the pressure on your back."
She looked at him with earnest graciousness in her eyes and nodded her thanks. He looked away for a moment, considering.
"Karigan, may I speak with you for a moment in the meeting chamber? I would ask your opinion on some matters related to the diplomatic mission. If you would be so kind as to wait for me, I will just be a few minutes."
Wary, Karigan murmured her assent and curtseyed before leaving the king to enter the chamber. One did not refuse a king. She stopped just inside of the door so her eye could adjust. It was dark and the black of night was softened only by the light of the full moon that filtered through the bay windows. She wandered across and stared outside at the grounds below. Her hands wrung nervously and her heart thudded. What on earth could she help him with that his advisors couldn't?
She had her answer a few moments later. True to his word, he arrived shortly after and after locking the door strode across to stand in front of her. It seemed a different man had entered the room and she stared at him in surprise.
Gone was the mild mannered king who aimed to please in his conversation at a dinner party. Instead the man in front of her stood taut, hands on hips, his gaze directed over her shoulder as he clearly fought to gain control of his emotions. His eyes burned brightly.
Electricity filled the air. Karigan hadn't been alone with the king since their time up north and she felt desire and anxiety sweeping through her. Tingling with energy she curtseyed and quietly said, "Your Majesty," in an effort to place a barrier between them. The king grabbed her hands. Well that backfired, she thought to herself.
"I have no right," he began hoarsely, "none at all, to intervene in your personal life. I am a married man and you have been very clear about your honourable intentions. I respect them and you all the more for it." He paused and took a deep breath to steady himself, and inched her closer towards him.
"But I can't watch another man walk near you, dance with you, hold your hand, without feeling…" his eyes bored into hers with intensity as he struggled to find the right words. She forgot to breathe and felt the thrill of being wanted deep in her belly. She waited silently.
"…wild. Grief, anger, desire, love. I didn't know which would win in that moment. I know it is a struggle I must fight by myself. It is not fair to you and I love you too much for that. But I watched him talk with you all night, close to you and I -" he hesitated, "I saw his hand stray to your face and touch your eye patch. For the second time today." He shook his head as if shaking the intimate memories from his mind. He grasped her hands tighter.
"Karigan, I meant it that I have no right to invade your privacy but I do have a higher motive than that. You cannot let him see your eye. Unless this, union, is official then I would prefer you, I need you, to keep it a secret. If things become serious well, then that is your business. But until then, you must not reveal the mirror for any personal reason!"
Karigan was shocked to find out that he had watched them so closely since his attention always seemed absorbed by those around him. She felt herself slip into excitement at the thought and then willed her thoughts back to what he was saying with effort. As his impassioned speech had continued, Zachary's words had a remarkable effect on her. Karigan found herself transforming her breathless desire into a white hot anger as he hinted that she might carelessly reveal her mirror. His speech ended. How dare he, she thought angrily. To say these things and think I would sacrifice a secret like this to a man who I danced one song with! What right does he have?
Her chest heaved and she yanked her hands from his clasp, landing them squarely on her hips and staring straight into his eyes.
"Your Majesty, with all due respect, have I ever given you anything but my most loyal service? Have I ever given the slightest hint that I wouldn't obey the commands of my king?" Her chest heaved and her voice was harsh. "I have given nothing but sacrifice for this country, for you, and I am astounded that you would suggest I might reveal this secret to someone I barely know, dance or no dance. Do you think so little of me?"
Unexpectedly tears dripped from her lashes onto her cheek as her anger faded in a flash and the hurt of his comments sunk their teeth into her heart. He stared at her agape.
Suddenly she found herself crushed against his chest, his arms gently cradling her shoulder heads to avoid touching her back.
"Oh, Karigan," came his muffled voice. "I have never believed anyone more in my life. I trust you more than anyone else in this world. Forgive a bitter man? I am sorry, that was uncalled for."
Karigan stood stiffly, desperately wanting to fold into his embrace but knowing that she was truly in danger. He felt her posture stiffen and reluctantly let her go.
"I forgive you, Sire," she replied quietly. With a wry smile and a frown, she added more sternly, "and don't do it again!"
Zachary shook his head with sorrow and then it was his turn to stare out of the window, defeated. Karigan moved to stand beside him and hesitatingly took his hand. He gripped her fingers and she sighed.
"What are we doing?" she asked the room softly. "This has to stop."
He stared aimlessly for several long moments. "I know. But I don't know how. You mean everything to me."
She glanced up to see the moon reflecting on his glistening cheek. She felt tears pool in her own eyes again as tenderness welled up inside her. She angrily dashed them away. Get a grip, she told herself firmly.
Without another word she gently disentangled herself and back away to bow. "Your Majesty," she whispered, rebuilding the barrier with her words. She heard a final sigh.
"To your right behind that tapestry is a door. If you follow it to the end it will take you to the gardens and you can head back to Riders quarters. I would prefer you not to be seen leaving after me, for your sake."
"Thank you, Your Majesty. Good night."
She walked to the door in the deafening silence and as she closed it behind her, she heard a soft voice reply, "good night, my love."
Karigan managed to walk 10 paces before she leant against the wall and burst into tears. She clamped her hand over her mouth, not knowing what rooms or passages lay next to the one she was in. Her voice was muffled but it was hard to quieten her hiccoughs and moans as her heart threatened to leave her chest. She stumbled to the end and slowly opened the door. It led into the kitchen garden, which was blessedly empty. She walked amongst the aroma of the herbs for a time, tears streaming down her face. She wrapped her arms around herself for comfort and gradually calmed as the sattvic scent of rosemary, lavender and chamomile pervaded her nostrils. She blinked a few times, hoping that her eyes weren't deathly bloodshot as she slowly made her way back to the common room.
Luckily for her everyone was either in bed or down at the city pubs so she managed to slip into her room without being seen. She removed her clothes wearily and stood in front of the mirror in her shift, her hand draping at the nape of the neck. She massaged the muscles at the base of her skull and dropped her hand, staring at her reflection.
For the first time in a long time, she saw herself. A slight young woman with long brown hair, creased eyes and deep sorrow in her gaze. There was no joy in her expression, just pain, and she was taken aback. She brought her fingers to her face and gently traced a circle around her blotchy cheeks. She also saw love in the depths of her eyes, wistfulness and longing. She sighed and her hand dropped back down to her side. Feeling momentarily grateful that the weather was good for city drinking and no one had seen her, she turned slowly and eased herself into bed. She knew she would be up all night with the anxiety of what had just transpired. But it turned out that a good cry was, like all simple things, the best cure to shake off the stress, and she was deeply asleep within moments.