The smell of saltwater and fresh flowers drifted in through the open window as she rolled over in bed. It was strange not having him next to her, but they had agreed to keep with tradition and stay separate from each other before the wedding. They had booked 4 rooms at the bed and breakfast; she and Elliot each had their own room, and the boys and girls had a room to share. She stretched, sprawling out across the bed as she had done far too many nights in her life. It was funny, but she didn't miss the extra space. What she did miss, however, was the feeling of his chest pressed firmly against her back. Rolling out of bed, she wrapped her robe around her and walked out onto the balcony outside her bedroom. It was the same room they had stayed in the night he proposed, and it made her miss him even more.
He also had a hard time sleeping without her. The bed felt too big, too cold, and too empty. He had snuck the gray hoodie she always stole into his bag though, and the scent of her on it had helped him fall asleep. Now he was jogging down the pavement toward the B&B. He had woken early and decided to go for a run. About a block away he saw her standing on the balcony, the morning sun illuminating her beauty. How can she be that breathtaking? He thought as he approached.
She spotted him jogging down the sidewalk, the sweat glistening on his bare chest. He glanced up and smiled, stopping to catch his breath beneath her balcony. "You know we aren't supposed to see each other before the ceremony," she called down to him. "Sleeping without you was bad enough. I don't think a few minutes together is going to make or break this marriage, do you?" he teased. It felt good to know he had had difficulty sleeping as well. "No, nothing is going to break this marriage," she said. "Damn right, Liv," he grinned, his unwavering confidence in them ever present. Glancing down at her watch, she sighed. "I should probably start getting ready. Love you. I'll see you at the end of the aisle," she said. "I'll be waiting," he replied, turning to go inside.
Inside, he stopped to make sure the boys were up and getting showered and ready before heading back to his room to do the same. Afterwards, they were supposed to come to his room to get dressed in their suits. He knew the girls had the same plan, though he suspected one of them would probably end up in Liv's room, begging to shower there because someone was taking too long. It wasn't long after he stepped out of the shower that he heard a knock on his door. Dickie, Eli, and Noah stood on the other side in their bathrobes with giant, doofy grins on their faces. "You look like the three stooges. Get in here," he said. He couldn't ignore the fact that they looked happy. It wasn't that long ago that he and his boys had gone through the worst moment of their lives...a moment that had irrevocably changed them all. Though the grief would never go away, each day they found new ways to find joy in the midst of their sorrow.
As he suspected, Olivia heard a knock on her door earlier than she had anticipated. "Liv, do you mind if I take a shower in here? Maureen and Kathleen are taking forever," Elizabeth said. Liv had to laugh because she had expected this, too. "I don't mind, come on in," she laughed. About 45 minutes later the hair and makeup ladies showed up, and all 4 women took their turn in both seats. As she watched the three of them getting ready, it occurred to her that none of them would have their mother at their wedding either. The reality of today, of her gain being a direct reflection of their loss, was not lost on her. She had never wanted this for them, regardless of her feelings for their father. "Liv? I asked what you think the guys are doing right now?" Elizabeth repeated, shaking her from her thoughts. "Getting ready if they know what's good for them!" Kathleen answered. Kathleen had taken her maid of honor duties very seriously, and she wasn't about to let her brothers mess this up. Of course, Maureen was the voice of reason. "I'm sure everything is fine. Remember Dad's with them. He's not going to let them mess today up."
In Elliot's room, the guys were getting their shirts tucked in and tying their ties. It was a skill he had taught Dickie and Eli when they were younger. "A man should know how to tie a tie," he had said, and they went over and over it until they could do it perfectly every time. It occurred to him as he watched Noah glancing at them and fiddling with his own that he had probably never had someone to teach him how. He walked over and sat down beside him on the bed. "You just watch me, and do what I do." Step by step, he walked Noah through the process. Then he helped him adjust and straighten his tie. "Looking good, Benson," he joked, just as he liked to say to the boy's mother. Noah, however, had a sad look on his face. "What's wrong, buddy?" As usual, Noah thought carefully before he spoke. "It's just...after today, everyone will be a Stabler. Everyone but me." Elliot wasn't sure what to say. They had discussed Noah calling him dad if and when he was ready, and he and Liv had talked about adoption, but they had decided to wait until after the wedding to talk to Noah about it. A lot of change was happening at once, and they didn't want to overwhelm him. "Noah, your mom will still be a Benson. She'll be Olivia Benson-Stabler." The boy looked into his eyes, tears threatening to spill over, and asked, "Do you think I could be a Benson-Stabler someday?" Elliot put his arms around Noah, holding him tightly. "That will be up to you and your mom, buddy, but I'd be proud to have you as a Stabler."
The girls had left to join the guys as the ceremony approached. From the window of the lodge she could see the guests waiting in their seats. She had underestimated how nervous she would feel walking down the aisle alone. She closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to calm her nerves when she felt someone approach from behind her. Turning around, her eyes fell on his familiar face. He smiled from ear to ear, taking in the woman before him. "You look gorgeous, Liv," said Cragen as he hugged her carefully, not wanting to mess up her dress. "Thank you, Captain!" she said, overwhelmed to see him. "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't make it?" she asked. "Well, Elliot asked me not to say anything, but he thought...maybe you would like someone to escort you down the aisle?"
Immediately a wave of emotion crashed over her and she fought to hold back the tears. Not only had Elliot known she would want someone with her, but Cragen had shown up. For her. She had always wondered what it would be like to have a family, and although today felt like the day she was getting one, in that moment she realized she had had one all along. Taking a deep breath, she smiled broadly. "I would be honored to have you walk me down the aisle," she replied.
He stood next to Father Hogan as he waited for the ceremony to begin. Throughout the day he had thought of her often...what she was doing, what she was thinking, how she was feeling. It struck him that he wasn't nervous at all...just anxious to see her. Soon the music started and his daughters began walking down the aisle toward him. Three beautiful women, each a part of him, all looking very much like their mother today. The thought brought a moment of sadness, but also joy. He smiled knowing that a piece of her was here with them.
The music changed and she took a deep breath. Cragen offered her his arm, patting her hand as she rested it on his forearm. "Don't be nervous. Once this door opens, it's just you and Elliot...and there's nothing the two of you can't do together." she silently squeezed his arm and pulled him closer. "Don't let me fall, ok?" she whispered. "Never," the captain replied.
The doors opened and she stepped out into the sunshine. The guests all turned to look, and as she scanned the crowd she saw many familiar faces smiling back at her. And then her eyes found his and time stopped. There he was, standing at the end of the aisle with tears in his eyes. She kept her focus on him, each step bringing her closer to a dream that was becoming reality. Cragen guided her silently but confidently until they reached the end of the aisle.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the joining of this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Who gives this bride to be wed?"
Cragen looked at Liv and smiled. "The 1-6 and I do," he said. A single tear rolled down her cheek and he kissed it away. Leaning in, he whispered in her ear, "You deserve all the happiness in the world, Liv." Turning, he shook Elliot's hand and whispered, "Take care of her, and let her take care of you."
Elliot extended his hands to her and she took them eagerly. "Liv…" he whispered, but nothing followed. He was speechless, and it made her smile. "You too," she whispered back, smoothing a hand down his chest before finding his hand again. As Father Hogan spoke, Elliot stared into her dark brown eyes. She was so beautiful that he had to remind himself to breathe.
She had seen him in a suit every day for 12 years, but this was different. He wasn't dressed for the job...he was dressed for her. The navy suit brought out his impossibly blue eyes, eyes that had always seemed to be able to see all of the pieces of her heart that she tried to hide from everyone else.
When they finally broke eye contact and looked out at the small crowd, they saw faces full of love and support smiling back at them. Cragen, Fin, Phoebe, and Munch all together in the front row, with Rollins, Carisi, Kat, and Garland right behind. Across the aisle sat Bernie, Bell, Denise and baby Jackson, and Jet. Turning back to each other, she felt completely at peace. She was surrounded by love in a way that she had never felt before.
"Elliot, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?" For better or worse. He had said that to her once before, but he hadn't kept that promise. This was redemption though, and he knew in his heart he would never break another vow to her as long as he lived. "I do," he said.
"Olivia, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?" Her husband...she never thought she would get to say those words about anyone, least of all him. All those years spent wishing she could find someone as faithful and honorable as him. Someone who would treat her as an equal but also protect her fiercely. None of them had ever measured up because none of them were him. "I do."
"You have for each other a ring," Father Hogan continued. At the mention of the rings, he turned to his son. Dickie placed her ring in his father's hand and gave him a quick smile. Turning it carefully in his fingers, he waited for his turn to speak. "Like your love for one another, these rings have no beginning and no end. They are an outward symbol of the commitment you make today, and a reminder to each of you that from this day forth you are one. Elliot, as you place this ring on Olivia's finger, please repeat after me." Taking a deep breath, he traced his thumb up and down her ring finger. "Olivia, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. With all that I am and all that I have, I promise to love and honor you all the days of my life." He slipped the ring onto her finger, then brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.
With tears in her eyes, she turned to Kathleen, who set his ring in the palm of her hand. As she turned to face him, he brought his hand to her cheek, carefully wiping away the tears. Smiling, she began to repeat after Father Hogan. "Elliot, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. With all that I am and all that I have, I promise to love and honor you all the days of my life." For years, the ring on his left hand had been the thing separating them. Now, the new ring she placed on his finger was the tie binding them together.
"And now, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Elliot, you may kiss your bride." He gently put both hands on her face as she slid her hands inside his jacket, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I love you," he whispered before his lips met hers. For a moment it was just the two of them. The kiss was slow...tender. When they pulled away, she whispered back, "I love you, too."
The reception that followed was the perfect celebration. She danced with each of her sons, while Elliot shared a dance with his daughters. Elliot shared a mother/son dance with Bernie, during which Munch offered to be her dance partner. She smiled as he led her out to the dance floor, holding her tightly as they danced. "I told Cragen that if he got to walk you down the aisle, it was only fair that I got the father/daughter dance." She laughed as she placed a kiss on his cheek. "You really do look lovely, Liv. I've never seen you this happy before." "I don't think I've ever been this happy before," she replied honestly. "Well if he ever messes up, remember I'm still available," he winked and she burst into a fit of laughter.
"Sweetheart, you can't take your eyes off of her, can you?" his mother asked. "Sorry, Momma," he said, looking her in the eyes. "Don't be, son. Don't ever be sorry for showing someone how you feel. Be as loud as you want to be. Tell her every day. She deserves that, and so do you."
When the DJ called them out to the floor for their first dance as husband and wife, a hush fell over the hall. Taking her hand, he led her to the dance floor silently. One hand holding hers and the other on her waist, he waited as she slid her hand up his arm, coming to rest on his shoulder. He led them in time with the music, pulling her impossibly close to his body as they moved together. She rested her head against his chest, silently praying that she never wake up from this dream.
After the reception, the two of them and their family returned to the bed and breakfast, only this time they entered Olivia's room together. "I missed you last night," he said as he locked the door and pulled off his jacket. "Well, she said, running her hand down his chest, "we don't have to miss each other tonight."
For years they had loved each other in silence. Though they would always wish they could change the circumstances that brought them together, the fact remained that they were here. Together. And no storm would ever change that.