Meredith leans over the cool, white toilet bowl in front of her, emptying the contents of her stomach once again. Cristina sits behind her, gently holding her hair back as she pukes for the third time this morning.
"I can't do this, Cristina." Meredith groans, collapsing back onto the cool tile that makes up the bathroom floor and pressing a piece of toilet paper to her lips.
"Yes, you can. Don't you want to see him put away?"
"No, no I don't want to see him. I see him every damn time I close my eyes, the last thing I need is to go sit ten feet away from him for days."
It's the morning of the preliminary hearing of the trail. It's about 6 AM, and the trial begins at 9:00. The stress from yesterday's events is finally catching up to her, and more than anything she just wants to sleep. But sleep isn't an option. Not only because she has to be at court in a few hours, but also that she can only get a maximum of three hours before she's awoken by some terrible nightmare.
"Everything hurts," Meredith complains.
"Look, you don't have to testify today. Today is preliminary, right? Today is just for the lawyers to battle it out. Just sit there and don't look at him. You don't even have to make eye contact. He'll be in cuffs and surrounded by police, not to mention literally an entire FBI team that will be downstairs in an hour."
Meredith sighs, resting against the floor. She closes her eyes, ignoring the taste of puke in her mouth. Her ribs are sore, her leg is sore, her everything is sore.
"I'm not this person, Cristina," she starts quietly. "I'm not some weak little girl who can't face her fears. I feel...trapped. Like my body is here but my mind isn't. I'm constantly in hell, there's no escape. I can't...I just can't."
Cristina softens, not knowing what to say. She wants to embrace Meredith but knows that probably won't do any good either unless she initiates the contact.
"You'll get through this, Mer. I know you will. You're right, you're not some weak girl. You're...amazing. The strongest person I know. God, there isn't a word to rightfully describe you. But you've got to pick yourself up here, just get through the day."
The two women are quiet, until the bathroom door opens, making Meredith jump. She relaxes when she recognizes Alex.
"Shepherd made breakfast if you want it," he offers, setting a plate of scrambled eggs down. "Figured you wouldn't feel like coming down."
"Oh god," Meredith is up from her spot instantly, leaning over the toilet again as she heaves. There's nothing left in her body, it's just a gross, clear liquid coming up now. "I'm sorry," she whispers, still hanging over the toilet. "Thank you, but take it away, please. I'm sorry."
Alex just nods and removes the plate, leaving the two women in the bathroom alone again. After a few minutes, Meredith feels okay enough to move from her spot over the toilet back to sitting on the ground, leaning against the tub. Alex returns, this time with a glass of water, which he hands to Meredith.
"Drink," he orders softly. "You need to stay hydrated."
The blonde nods and accepts the cup, gratefully washing away the aftertaste of her puke. Another ten minutes pass and she finally stands, with the help of Cristina.
"I'm okay, go get yourself ready," Meredith says, moving to the sink to brush her teeth. Cristina hesitates, but Meredith waves a hand, dismissing her, so the cardio surgeon leaves. After brushing her teeth, Meredith makes her way back to the bedroom, finding the clothes she had laid out the night before.
A pair of black dress pants and a plain, light blue button-up shirt. She slips the clothes on, finding a pair of black flats to wear as well, then goes back to the bathroom. She studies her face in the mirror, cringing at her appearance.
The weeks of no sleep are catching up to her, dark bags hang under her eyes, her lips are dry, once-bright green eyes have dulled, and her eyelashes are clumped together from dried tears. She sighs and washes her face with warm water, then goes about putting light makeup on. The concealer is heavy under her eyes and where the bruising used to be and scar mark her cheek, but it does the job as she pulls out the waterproof mascara and brushes it on her eyes. Meredith pulls out her curling wand, allowing it to heat up then doing her honey blonde locks into loose curls, framing her face perfectly.
Finally, she steps back to give herself a once over. This is how she wants to appear before the court and before William. She wants to show him that she survived and she's stronger than before. She wants to be remembered like this, not beaten and cowering naked in the corner of a basement.
She nods, takes a deep breath, and starts downstairs. Somehow, she's actually feeling slightly hungry, so she enters the kitchen. It's now 7:30, so everyone is awake and downstairs. Quinn is going to meet them at the courthouse, but the rest of Derek's FBI team will be at the house at 8:00 so they can drive over together.
Derek had insisted on that, saying it was because they should all be there on time together, but Meredith knows it's really because Matthew Trahkcol is out there somewhere, and he doesn't want to have a moment without the eyes of an FBI agent on Meredith.
Jo is gathering her things to leave for the hospital, as she's covering Meredith's service until she can get back to work. When Meredith enters the kitchen, everyone stops. The blonde looks more put together than she had in weeks.
Jo smiles softly. "You got this, Mer," she says before kissing Alex and walking out the front door.
"Wow," Derek starts, taking her in. "You look..."
"Are you okay?" Alex cuts in, shocked by the change of the general surgeon from an hour ago to now.
"I'm trying to be," Meredith responds, searching for something to eat. She still doesn't want the eggs, so she puts a piece of bread in the toaster and slathers some butter on it, a better breakfast than she usually has.
Before they know it, the doorbell is ringing. Cristina answers and Olivia Prenton walks in, wearing a sharp navy blue suit with a white shirt underneath. The bulge of her two guns is just visible through the jacket, Derek's the same way.
"Ready for this?" She asks no one in particular as she enters the kitchen. She's answered with a couple of unenthusiastic sighs. "Figured as much."
Soon after, Jake, Maggie, Ryan, and Vanessa enter the house. The main floor is full of people and when the clock hits 8:15, they all gather their things and split into two cars. Derek, Oliva, Meredith, Cristina, and Alex take the first one, leading the way to the courthouse.
The drive is quiet and awkward, the air thick with a mix of anticipation and dread. The drive is only fifteen minutes, and when they park Quinn is waiting for them on the front steps.
"Hi everyone, today's the big first day," she greets, leading the group through the fancy halls and high roofs of the large courthouse to their designated private room. "We have half an hour for any last-minute preparations. Anyone have anything they need to say before we get started?"
The room is quiet, to which Quinn gives a nod of approval. "Alright then. I'd like to start by reminding everyone that today is just preliminary. It's for me to verbally bash Annalise Keating and her client. We're deciding on the jury, giving opening statements, and presenting our evidence. That's it. There won't be any testimonies, so it will be a pretty short day. Tomorrow is when the real work begins." The room is still quiet, the lawyer holding everyone's complete attention. So, she gives them a comforting smile. "Relax. All of you. We need to look calm, collected, and confident this entire week. Have a little faith in me, I've never let you down before, have I?"
Derek shakes his head, confirming that Quinn Perkins has yet to lose a case she worked on with this FBI team. Knowing this brings a little more comfort to Meredith. It's not that she doesn't trust Quinn, she does. It's that this is big and important. She has more than enough anxiety to deal with already.
"Okay, now, all of you get out of here and find your seats in courtroom C. I'd like a few minutes with Meredith." Quinn orders.
Slowly, the agents and surgeons leave the room, navigating their way through the halls to their designated room, where they sit down in the rows of seats behind the table where Quinn and Meredith will be sitting. With ten minutes until the hearing begins, there's a surprisingly large amount of people filling in the room.
Five minutes before 9:00, Quinn steps in the side door with Meredith, both of them taking a seat at their table in the front of the room. The court is large, there's a stand for the judge front and center, a witness stand to the side of it, and a large area for the jury to sit along the sidewall, close to the stand. The main floor is clear, save for the two tables with two chairs each at them, covered in papers. One for the prosecution, one for the defense.
The side door opens again and a tall, serious-looking black woman steps out, crossing the floor to take a seat at the defense's table. Annalise Keating. A door in the corner opens and out steps the man that haunts every one of Meredith's thoughts. Dressed in an orange prison suit, hands and legs cuffed in visibly connected chains, with two police officers on either side of him, William crosses the room and sits next to Annalise, a smirk playing on his face.
Meredith finds herself fascinated with the wood grain of the table she's sitting at, unable to peel her eyes up for even a second to look at the man not ten feet away from her. There's a shift in the mood of the room, spectators falling quiet as the air grows tense and cold.
"All rise," the bailiff calls, and everyone in the room stands. "The honorable Judge Churchill."
A woman dressed in a black gown takes a seat in the main chair. "Be seated." Her voice is loud and confident, but somehow comforting at the same time. Everyone sits again. "We are here today to decide if William Dunn is guilty of the abduction, rape, and murder of Belle Gildon, Angelica West, Veronica Nicholson, Chelsea Abbott, Jasmine Peters, Bridgett Hewitt, and Kathryn Black as well as the abduction, rape, and attempted murder of Meredith Grey."
Meredith closes her eyes, focusing on her breathing, She can feel the eyes of her friends sitting nearby on her, but she ignores them. Of course, she knows the names of all the victims but hearing them read out in a list like that physically pains her. She seat next to her shifts and Meredith is brought back into reality. The jury stand is now full of people, and both lawyers are standing.
Quinn and Annalise have the chance to ask the jurors a few questions, either approving or denying each. If one side denies one, that juror is dismissed. It's a long and tedious process, but eventually, the stand is full of mostly women that both lawyers have agreed on.
Meredith keeps her eyes forward, not daring to look anywhere near the defense table. Annalise sits back down and Quinn clears her throat, beginning her opening statement. Meredith is again self-conscious under the eyes of multiple rows of people sitting behind her, but she doesn't turn to look at them.
She doesn't hear what Quinn is saying. She wants to curl up in a ball and hide, but she can't. She's not that person. Meredith Grey is strong and is going to fight to make sure the psychopathic serial killer gets to rot in jail for the rest of his life.