A/N: I think we need a little MerDer after all that, right?
"Good god," Meredith whispers, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her head is tilted upwards, exposing the blue and purple coloring that now lines her neck. Her throat is sore. It hurts to swallow, to talk. As much as she tries to shove down the memories, push away the thoughts, flashbacks of yesterday constantly invade her mind. And as much as she tries not to think about it, William's words echo in her ears.
You're as good as dead.
A shiver runs down her spine, and she wraps her arms around herself. It hurts to breathe deeply, her ribs seem to be in worse condition than they were before. She takes a little comfort in knowing that William is living out his last twenty-eight days on death row.
It's very early in the morning, and she woke up screaming again.
Meredith's eyelids are heavy and her movements are slow and uncoordinated. Weeks of little to no sleep are finally catching up with her. All she wants right now, more than anything, is to rest undisturbed by nightmares. But that's not going to happen. So, she quietly shuffles downstairs to the kitchen and opens the freezer.
A hint of a smile appears on her lips when she spots the carton of strawberry ice cream, which she grabs, as well as an ice pack. She moves to the living room, getting settled on the couch. Ice on her torso provides pain relief from her ribs while the frozen dessert she eats directly out of its container helps her throat.
She finds some documentary on TV and watches it with low volume. Everyone else in the house is still sleeping as the sun is barely up. Before she knows it, the ice cream is gone. She laughs slightly at herself and glances at the clock.
8:00 AM. People will be up soon. Olivia will be over soon too. Yesterday, she had promised to stop by and give a present to Meredith. A congratulations on winning the case. Not that Meredith wants any presents, William got what he deserved, and that's all Meredith needs.
Footsteps through the house make her jump, her gaze jerking to the doorway, waiting tensely to see who it is. A rugged-looking Derek steps in, blinking sleep from his eyes.
"You're awake?" He studies her, his brain still clouded and not functioning properly.
Meredith shrugs. "Couldn't sleep."
"Are you okay?" He asks, moving to sit next to her on the couch.
"Not really."
"Physically or mentally?"
"Both." She shrugs again.
Derek nods, looking at the screen of the TV. "Can I ask you something?"
"Depends." Meredith cocks her head, looking at him.
"What did he say to you, yesterday in the bathroom?" Derek's eyes are now clear and focused. Since the previous day, all he has been able to think about is what William Dunn told Meredith before he once again tried to strangle him.
Meredith tenses up, closing her eyes. It takes a long minute for her to gather herself before she can respond. "This might sound crazy, but I don't think he was going to kill me."
"What?" Derek shifts, facing her more, showing that she has his full attention.
"He told me we didn't have much time, like he knew that someone was going to find him and stop him. He just threatened me. Empty threats, probably just to mess with me. He had his hand around my throat the whole time, but didn't squeeze until seconds before Olivia came in."
"What kind of threats, Meredith? You know Matthew is still out there," he presses, concerned.
"Nothing. Just...nothing." She avoids his gaze. He sighs, rubbing his face with his hands. He's on edge, his gut is telling him that something's up. Something's going to happen. She finally looks at him again. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Why would he want me dead?" She asks, so softly Derek is not sure he heard her right. He softens, looking into her sad, fearful eyes as he debates how to respond.
"Honestly, I don't know. I don't know why anyone would want to hurt you. You are the light of my life."
"Were." Meredith corrects softly.
"What?"
"You said are. It's were, past tense. You were the light of my life."
Derek is taken aback and frowns. "What makes you think that?"
She lets out a self-deprecating laugh. "Look at me. I'm not me. I'm damaged goods. I'm not the woman you fell in love with. I don't know why you're sticking around, honestly. Everything has changed."
Derek watches her as she drops her gaze, then he drops his own. Swallowing thickly, he takes a steadying breath to say the words he's been thinking to himself for weeks.
"It's my fault."
"What?" Now it's Meredith's turn to be confused.
"It's my fault he took you. William wanted to get to me, my team. When we started dating, he found out and realized that the best way to torture me was by torturing you. It's my fault."
"So, you're just here because you feel guilty?" She tries to clarify, slightly offended.
"No! No. I mean, of course, I feel guilty but that's not the only reason I'm here. Meredith, I'm here because I love you. You're right, you've changed since...the attack, but I know that you are still there. The person I fell in love with is still sitting right here. This is just...a rough patch. You'll get through it, and I'm not kidding when I say I will wait. I will wait however long it takes. No matter what. I will wait." He looks her in the eye, making sure his words reach her.
A tear rolls down Meredith's cheek and she drops her gaze to her hands in her lap. "But what if it's not?" Her voice cracks. "What if it's not just a rough patch? What if this is the way I am for the rest of my life? I-I don't know how much longer I can live like this."
"Look at me," Derek demands, fear for her safety stabbing him in the chest. She obeys, her green eyes watery. "Have a little faith in yourself. Everyone else does. You're going to therapy, you're learning, you're trying to get better, aren't you? There's no reason you won't get better. I'm not saying it will be quick or easy, but you'll get there, we all know you will, and I think healing starts with acknowledging that."
She nods slightly and he's silent, giving his words a few minutes to sink in. The tear that fell moments ago was just the beginning. She tries to force them back, but lately, she can't seem to control any of her emotions so she lets them flow freely. Meredith inches towards Derek, her ribs burning in protest.
As soon as she moves towards him, he takes it as permission to close the remaining space between them and gently wrap his larger body around hers, holding her close to him as she sobs. Not long after, Cristina and Alex appear, both concerned by the scene on the couch, but Derek just waves them off.
Almost an hour later, Derek hasn't moved from his spot. The other people in the house have joined him in the living room, but once Meredith's crying slowed, exhaustion took over, and now she is dozing lightly in Derek's arms. He can't draw his eyes away from her, studying her face, even puffy after crying, he wants to remember it. He watches the rise and fall of her chest, making sure it doesn't stop.
Everyone is silent, not wanting to risk waking her up from the very few hours of sleep she's getting. However, it doesn't take long for her to dream.
"No..." She mumbles, tensing in Derek's arms. "No, please."
Instantly recognizing what's happening, Derek moves her out of his embrace, putting a few feet between him and Meredith as he starts calling her name. "Meredith, wake up. It's me, Meredith."
Her eyes shoot open and she gasps loudly, her body rigid as she pulls herself upright. She doesn't recognize her surroundings, and she pulls her legs in close to her, ignoring the fire in her chest. She doesn't say anything, her voice is caught in her throat as she struggles to get her breathing under control.
No one in the room moves or says anything either, having learned from past experiences that it's best to wait out the flashback, anything they do seems to make it worse. Slowly, Meredith realizes she's in her living room. The faces of the people in front of her come into focus, and she relaxes slightly.
Burning with shame and embarrassment, she hangs her head. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't you dare apologize," Derek's tone is harsh, but his entire body, especially his sea-blue eyes holds sympathy.
A knock at the door snaps all of their attention away from Meredith. Alex goes to open it, finding Olivia Prenton standing on the porch. In one hand, she holds a brown box with a purple ribbon tied around it and in the other, a tan envelope that she's studying, a frown on her features.
"Um, come in?" Alex pulls her out of her thoughts.
"Oh, right, thank you," she steps into the house, Alex closing the door behind him. "It's me!" Olivia calls loudly, announcing her presence to Meredith in the next room. She and Alex make their way back to the living area, where Olivia's attention is first directed to her boss. She holds up the envelope, raising an eyebrow at him. Derek's expression changes, his eyes darkening and he crosses the room to his agent, taking the envelope from her. "It was on the porch," she whispers.
"Damn it," he growls.
"Give me a minute, and I'll come to look at it with you," she says. Derek nods, heading back to the office while Olivia moves to sit on the couch next to Meredith. "I brought you something."
"You didn't have to..." Meredith starts quietly, taking a hand and waving her fellow surgeons out of the room, giving the two women some privacy.
"I know but...just open it." Olivia hands the box to the blonde. Meredith pulls the lid off and pulls out the contents, frowning as she reads the bottles.
"Lavender shampoo and conditioner?" She quips, looking to the agent sitting next to her for an explanation.
"I started using it not long after I...was raped. This brand is the best, it's all-natural."
"I-I know, but...why?"
"Lavender is a naturally calming and stress relieving plant. It can help you sleep and brings down your heart rate and blood pressure. The more you use these, the more you're exposing yourself to the scent of the flower. Trust me, it actually helps. You'll smell like lavender after, and it works really well to make you feel better."
Meredith smiles, setting the bottles on the coffee table in front of her. "I guess lavender should be my signature scent then, shouldn't it?" Olivia laughs and Meredith returns her gaze to the agent in front of her. "Thank you. This is amazing, it means a lot."
"Of course. Let me know if it helps," Olivia stands, smiling. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go..." she trails off, gesturing in the direction Derek went.
"Go ahead." Meredith nods, and Olivia turns and walks briskly out of the room. She crosses the house and enters the office, shutting the door behind her.
"Did you open it yet?" She asks Derek, who's leaning over the desk.
"No. I was waiting for you." He picks up the envelope and carefully opens the tab at the top, dumping it out on the desk and taking in what now sits in front of him. His heart skips a beat and he sucks in a breath at its contents. "Oh my God."
Olivia joins him by the desk, picking up the single picture that was delivered to them. It's a black and white photo of Meredith sitting on the porch, Derek standing nearby. As if that's not already creepy enough, what makes it even worse is the bright red target painted around Meredith's head.
"Holy shit." Olivia breathes.
Derek's hand shakes, holding the image. Eyes wide, he meets Olivia's matching gaze. "If that's not a death threat, I don't know what is."