"Oh my god," Lindsey breathes, running a hand through her long blonde hair. "She's gonna be okay, right?" She asks, looking at Alex.
"Those two are the best cardio and ortho surgeons we have, she's in good hands. Let's go to the waiting room." The peds surgeon suggests.
Lindsey nods and follows him, but Meredith, Derek, and Maggie stay behind to talk to Jake and Ryan. They cross the ER, slipping behind the curtain where both men are.
"Meredith, are you okay?" Jake asks as soon as he sees her.
"Yeah, thanks to you," she smiles softly. The blonde man relaxes, and Meredith approaches his bed, studying him. "Did anyone do a neuro exam on you?"
"A what?"
Meredith doesn't answer, instead glancing around for a light. She has one on her at all times when she's working, but right now, she's not working. "Hand me that," she requests to Derek, pointing at the penlight on the tray next to him. He hands it to her, and she shines the light into Jake's eyes, performing her own neuro exam. "Pupils are slow, we should get you a head CT. Where's the doctor that brought you in at first?"
"Um...some guy in light blue scrubs...brown hair?"
"Interns," Meredith grumbles. "I'll put it in your chart." She takes a pen, scribbling something down on Jake's chart.
"How's Olivia?" Ryan joins in the conversation, mumbling through his wrapped jaw, which from the looks of it is broken.
"They're taking her into surgery, she was shot three times," Derek tells them quietly.
"Fuck," Jake breathes, collapsing back into bed.
"I'm going to sit with Lindsey in the waiting area," Meredith says, then leaves the men and quickly crosses the ER, avoiding people as much as possible. She finds the waiting room and a distressed-looking blonde standing in the corner.
"Hi, I don't think I've officially introduced myself. I know we met at the trial but I was kind of...out of it." Meredith says, reaching Lindsey.
"Meredith." Lindsey recognizes her instantly.
"Olivia saved my life. Actually, three times now." Meredith smiles slightly, taking a seat and patting next to her for the other woman to sit too, which she does.
"She has a habit of putting herself right in the middle of danger like that."
"Yeah, she does." Meredith leans back in her chair, looking around, and sighs. "It's so different on this side."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm a surgeon. I'm usually on the other side, scrubbed in, knowing exactly what's going on at all times. I'm not used to being on this side of things. It's different."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"She's gonna be okay, right?" Lindsey looks at Meredith, her eyes watering.
Meredith bites her lip, choosing her words carefully. "We're not supposed to make promises because we can't promise anything, but Cristina and Callie and the best cardio and ortho surgeons we have here. They'll do absolutely everything they can."
Lindsey buries her face in her hands. "She has to be...I don't know what I'd do without her."
"You two are great together. I haven't seen you too much but I can tell. Just, the way you look at each other...I want that."
"Have you seen the way Derek looks at you?"
"Yes..." Meredith admits, dropping her gaze. "Before William, I thought I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I know he loves me, and I still love him. But I can't give him anything. He deserves better than a girl who he can't even touch, who's afraid of everything, and who doesn't know how to open up about her feelings."
Lindsey looks at Meredith again. "Liv and I have been together for five years. We didn't so much as kiss until six months into dating. Then, we didn't have sex until two and a half years into our relationship. She wasn't ready. It took her a long time to trust me, and I didn't mind waiting at all because I fell more in love with her every day. It didn't matter to me if we never had sex, it still doesn't. Just as long as she's in my life, for better or for worse. That is what a relationship is, Meredith. Hopefully, this is the worst for you, things will get better from here and you can really be happy again. If you really do love each other, nothing else matters."
Meredith is quiet, nodding as she takes in Lindsey's words. After a long pause, she says, "You're good at that. The whole, inspiring speeches thing. You and Olivia both." Lindsey laughs and sits back in her chair. The women fall into a comfortable silence. "So, what do you do?" Meredith asks after a few minutes, trying to take both their minds off Olivia.
Lindsey smiles, "I'm an athlete. Rodeo. Specifically, professional bull riding."
Meredith's eyes widen, sure she heard her incorrectly. "Um, what?"
"PBR, I'm retired from it now but I won three national championships in a row a year ago. I still do other rodeo events; calf roping, barrel racing, that kind of thing."
"Isn't that like, incredibly dangerous?"
"Yes." Lindsey chuckles. "I've had multiple surgeries and more broken bones and concussions than I can count. But it's what I've grown up doing, it's what I love. I grew up on a huge farm in a small town in Iowa."
"Damn." Meredith smiles, crossing her arms. She notices the faint scar showing on Lindsey's shoulder, and the fresher-looking ones on her face. "You're a badass."
They both laugh, trying to lighten the mood and take their minds off the woman whose life hangs in the balance.
xx
Four or five hours later, Cristina and Callie walk through the double doors, scrub caps still in their hands, and walk towards them. Alex had been paged now long ago and is in his own surgery by now. Derek, Maggie has joined the women in the waiting area, so they all stand to greet the two surgeons.
"She's alive," Cristina says, and relief courses through the group. "But, she lost a lot of blood. We had to replace her entire blood volume multiple times. Her femoral was in sliced half, she's extremely lucky she didn't bleed out en route."
"I repaired her femur, she has two metal plates and six screws holding it together." Callie continues.
"When can I see her?" Lindsey demands.
"We can take you to her now, but you need to know that because of all the blood loss...she-she might not wake up," Cristina informs them and drops her gaze.
Everything stops for a moment as the words sink in.
Lindsey's knees buckle underneath her, Derek lunging forward and catching the woman just before she hits the ground. "She might not wake up?" Her voice is broken, covering her mouth with her hand as she struggles to remain steady on her own two feet, using Derek as support.
"I'm so sorry," Callie says.
"C-can I see her?" Lindsey asks, still wrapped in Derek's arms in case she should fall.
"We'll take you," Cristina offers, turning and starting off through the hallways. The group follows, a sad and distressed aura settling around them. Lindsey works herself out of Derek's grasp, but he stays within a few feet of her as she's still shaky on her feet. Jake has been admitted to the hospital for observation with a concussion, as well as Ryan to get his broken jaw wired.
"You need to prepare yourselves. The woman you're going to see isn't Olivia, she's intubated, and...she's not looking very good." Cristina gives the group the whole speech, standing in front of a closed ICU room door. After giving her words a minute to sink in, she opens the door and the group enters the room.
Meredith hangs back, catching her best friend, and whispers, "How bad is it, really?" When Cristina doesn't respond, the blonde pushes harder. "I'm still a doctor, Cristina. I can deal with bad news."
Finally, Cristia looks up, solemn brown eyes meeting green. "It's not good, Mer. I'd give her a...thirty percent chance of regaining consciousness."
Meredith swallows thickly. "Brain activity?"
"It's at normal levels, which is a great sign."
"She saved my life three damn times..."
"I know, we owe her a lot." The cardio surgeon wrings her scrub cap in her hands as Meredith shakes her head, unable to believe the sight in front of her.
"Mer," Cristina starts, her voice trembling. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't there when-"
"Shut up. Don't even go there, you were here, saving lives, doing your job."
"But if I hadn't gone with the ambulance after the accident, I could've been at the house to help, then maybe Olivia wouldn't be dying and Jake and Ryan would be okay..."
"There's no way you could have known that they were planning to attack tonight. You keep telling me not to blame myself, so you can't blame yourself either."
"Are you sure you're okay? Do you need to get checked out or anything, because if you think I'm going to just believe that you're fine, you're sorely mistaken."
"I'm okay," Meredith nods and steps into the room, her heart breaking at the sight in front of her. Lindsey sits next to the bed, Olivia's limp hand clutched in her own as she sobs into her unconscious girlfriend's lap. The room is large, so there's enough seating for everyone. Maggie and Ryan are quietly on a couch while Derek stands, his eyes watering. No one says anything, instead just mourning the pale, sickly-looking woman laying in the bed.
Olivia herself is barely recognizable. Not only is she intubated, but her face is bruised and swollen from taking blows in her fight. The discoloration around her nose and eyes as well as the blood dried in multiple spots is hard to miss. Her hands are both encased in hard plaster casts, according to Callie, she shattered multiple bones in her hands from punching.
"Meredith."
A quiet voice rips the blonde surgeon out of her thoughts she she turns to see where it came from. Standing in the doorway of Olivia Prenton's ICU room is Katharine Wyatt. When the women make eye contact, the therapist beckons her patient out of the room and shuts the door behind them.
"You heard." Meredith sighs with a slight roll of her eyes.
"You've been here six hours after your house was invaded and multiple people were shot and beaten and you didn't come to see me? Not to mention the giant car accident you witnessed coming home from William's execution. And you didn't even think to come to see me?" Katharine gets right to the point, her anger stemming from concern and worry about Meredith.
"I...I don't really remember what happened. I mean, at home, one second Olivia was hiding me in the shower and the next I was in Derek's arms." Dr. Wyatt studies Meredith, trying to decide if the blonde is lying. "And Olivia is in there fighting for her life, I don't want to be here, I want to be in there."
"I'm worried about dissociation. If the brain registers overwhelming trauma, it can essentially block out that memory and repress it. Eventually, it'll all come back and you'll lose the progress you've made in the past months. Unless we go over it now." Katharine doesn't let up, her tone even as she looks directly at Meredith, whose eyes flash with fear at the thought of being pushed back to the way she was the first few days after being rescued.
Meredith gives in, sitting in a chair just outside of Olivia's door, and Katharine sits next to her, light blue eyes meeting green. "So, first things first, the execution."
Meredith leans forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees. "I haven't really..." she trails off, debating lying, but decides against it. "I dreamed about it. I-I thought that seeing him die would...I don't know, make me feel better or something."
"But it didn't?"
"Not really. I'm-I'm a sick person. A sick, sick human being. I'm so ashamed that I was actually looking forward to it, and when it happened I just, froze. I'm a surgeon, I save lives, and seeing life just leave someone like that is...horrible." The blonde covers her face into her hands, trying to hide from the burning shame she has from what she just admitted.
"Do you feel like it helped provide closure?" Katharine presses.
"I think so, now I know there's no chance he can escape and come after me or another woman ever again. He's dead. I-I don't really think it's hit me yet that he's dead," she shrugs, her voice wavering.
Dr. Wyatt nods, quiet, giving Meredith a minute to compose herself again. "Okay, then the car accident. I heard you saved three or four people."
Meredith instantly straightens, a spark in her eyes that wasn't there before. "I know I shouldn't be this grateful for a terrible, terrible pileup but...it was amazing. I forgot about everything. The only thing I could think about was my patient. That's it. I didn't have a single bad thought, I was just so focused on saving lives."
"You didn't miss it at all before? Practicing medicine?"
"Surprisingly enough, no. Cristina, Alex, and Jo would never talk about it, probably out of respect for me or something, and I think I got so wrapped up in my PTSD that I kind of...forgot. But when I saw those people, it was instinct. I didn't think twice before running to help them and it felt amazing."
"You're a surgeon, Meredith. A damn good one," Katharine smiles. "You save lives, it's what you were born to do, and I doubt anything is going to stop you from doing that once again."