Chapter 52

"When I gave you to the Kazekage I asked for only one condition; and that was you be named Shikamaru. I wanted to give you something that belonged to your real family."

"My mom didn't like that name. She called me Kamaru instead...and everyone followed her." Shikamaru takes a deep breath before asking what is paramount in his mind, "Did my mom know about the exchange?"

"I can't really answer your question, Shikamaru. The Kazekage and I agreed that Karura didn't need to know. I assumed that she would protect you more from your father if she thought you were theirs, and I didn't want her to be burdened with guilt," Lady Tsunade admits sadly. "Maybe before Karura died, she had already suspected you were not her child. Maybe in the end the Kazekage told her the truth, but then he may have not."

Shikamaru nods his head. "I'd rather think she didn't know. She carried enough guilt about Gaara..."

Tsunade looks into her cup of sake, the swirling liquid as clear to her as the meaning of the words she speaks out next. "Karura loved you."

"Yes, and whether because of guilt or because she thought I was hers is irrelevant. The three years I had with her should be enough for me not to question her motive. She loved me. That's all that really mattered."

Tsunade sips her sake then refills her cup. Gazing at Shikamaru's untouched one, she again takes another gulp of the bittersweet brew. After putting the cup down, she discloses, "At the time, I was so sure that if I handed Temari to her real father, he would kill her eventually."

Shikamaru imperceptibly dips his head waiting for Tsunade to continue.

"At the time I rationalized what I was about to do by thinking that I would rather have the two of you exchange parents rather than have one powerless infant's life in danger. With you being male, you would be wanted by the Kazekage and with Karura I was assured that you will be loved. Yes, I justified to myself that giving you to the Kazekage was a lesser crime than having Temari die defenceless. It was still wrong but the other choice—to harm the Kazekage then—would lead to war between Konoha and Suna. In the end, I decided for you, Shikamaru, to be sacrificed."

"Yes," Shikamaru mutters, appearing to have expected that revelation.

"After the incident, I knew I would never be able to look Yoshino in the eye or to share sake with Shikaku again. I exiled myself, comforted by the thought that someday you and your real family would seek revenge."

Shikamaru's brows knit into a frown.

"It's a burden I have always carried. After all, you, Shikaku and Yoshino should never have been involved." Lady Tsunade's eyes reveal the depth of her sorrow and the amount of self blame she carries.

Shikamaru shakes his head slowly, contradicting the older woman. "Shikaku and Yoshino both love her. I doubt that they could hate you for giving them a daughter."

"How could you sound sure about that?"

Shikamaru's lips twist in self mockery before he admits, "Because I can relate to how they feel about her… As I told Naruto, I didn't search for you for revenge or anything like that. I came to find you to confirm if my suspicion is right and if it is then I should thank you. Having known the Kazekage all my life, I have already suspected that if not for what you did, Temari would be dead. I'm sure both Shikaku and Yoshino feel the same. We all feel grateful. To you."

Tsunade stares at Shikamaru, disbelief in her gaze.

"It was unfortunate though that mom—Karura— didn't get to meet Temari. Mom was unlike Temari. I doubt that even she could see any resemblance between her and her daughter. Mom was always gentle and patient while Temari is rough and probably takes after Yoshino. Yoshino's troublesome and so is her daughter." Shikamaru sighs then smiles only to have that smile die down upon seeing Tsunade's expression.

"Shikamaru, you got the worst part in this deal." Tsunade rasps, "You should hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"You really love her then?" Tsunade asks, sounding almost dubious but at the same time, relieve.

Shikamaru drops his eyes to glance at his cup, seeming to contemplate drinking his sake. "I value her life more that I would my own."

Lady Tsunade watches the bowed head of Shikamaru, his untied hair farther hiding his face from her.

The bowed head then tilts backward to take a swig of the sake. Feeling the burn on his throat, Shikamaru coughs. He's unused to alcohol and this one could kick a mule.

Tsunade can't help but chuckle. The boy is so obvious. The question she should be asking then is—does Temari love him?

And really it is a good thing—the birth switch. At least Shikaku has been prevented from corrupting his boy into drinking. Tsunade's laughter becomes heartier.

—o0o—

Tsunade, despite the lateness of the hour, just watches the moon outside her bedroom window. Yesterday night, she had Shikamaru's reassurance that he doesn't blame her for anything. It is a weight off her shoulders.

But it also means she has to deal with everyone else that is involved. And each one of them may react differently from Shikamaru.

Shikamaru, blinded by what he feels for Temari, had accepted what happened years ago. Temari, on the other hand, could have a vastly different take on the situation. After all, the boy's bowed head and slouched shoulders are indicative enough that Temari doesn't reciprocate his feelings.

But there is no denying that Temari must love Yoshino and Shikaku, and the more that she does the more difficult for her to accept her role in this incident.

Then there's Yoshino, a mother who is denied her son. And Shikaku? How would he take her confession? How would they take her machinations of their life?

The Nara clan is famous for forming close knit families. And Tsunade had wilfully deprived their clan of one family member. It doesn't take a genius to know they are bound to be disgusted with her.

So why would they listen to what she has got to say, her reasons?

Then there's also the Kazekage. He might have told his wife about their first born. Somehow, Tsunade doubts that. The Kazekage would have preferred keeping the secret especially from his wife.

So if the Kazekage learns that the terms of their deal have already been breached, if the Kazekage discovers that more people are made aware of the birth switch, how would he react?

Does he still pose a threat to Temari? How about to Shikamaru?

Tsunade thumps her pillow for the nth time. Even if she has consumed plenty of sake early this evening until late, together with Jiraiya, sleep is still elusive.

And Tsunade blames Jiraiya for that.

Jiraiya had offered, during the course of this evening, the Hokage position to her. Then he made sure his offer is tempting by saying, "Whatever wrong you've done in the past, being the Hokage you could right those things…"

Admittedly, with that position of power, making people listen would be easier. And a bonus, she can hold off the Kazekage, diplomatically, from harming anyone.

But if she accepts she would be just playing into Jiraiya's schemes. That old coot, he wouldn't get the better of her.

—o0o—

It was only last night that she suspected that Jiraiya just wants the responsibilities of being Hokage pushed to her. Responsibilities that he, compared to her, would be better suited to deal with considering what she did in the past.

Now, having this conversation with Naruto she finally becomes aware of Jiraiya's real objective and her role in it. The scheming old man is asking her to hold the position while he readies Naruto for it.

"Naruto, have you read the 'Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi'?" Tsunade asks.

"Eh?"

"Your parent had named you after the protagonist of that book written by that pervert," Tsunade muses. Yes, the protagonist was named Naruto and like the protagonist, Naruto is a gutsy shinobi that would make a difference in a world full of chaos… The old pervert for once is right. He himself doesn't need to be the Hokage to make a change. Being the Hokage might even hamper him in his way of supporting Konoha. Of supporting Naruto.

"Nani?"

It is not her place to tell Naruto about the 'gutsy shinobi' but Jiraiya's. Naruto is Jiraiya's student after all. Not hers.

Knowing of Jiraiya's plans for Naruto…and for her… with Jiraiya's voice filling her head, "Whatever wrong you've done in the past, being the Hokage you could right those things…" Tsunade mutters to herself, "I want to make things right." However, she still asks herself, if it is really possible for her to accept the position of being the Hokage.

The Sixth Hokage.

Heaving a sigh, remembering the past, Tsunade comes to a conclusion; maybe she shouldn't be the one that should decide this.

"Naruto, ask me again what I want to do," Tsunade barks.

"Eh?" Naruto naively questions the older woman but upon seeing Lady Tsunade's face getting unpleasant, he does what he's told and queries, "What do you want to do?"

"I want to have a bet. If you win against me I'll become the Hokage."

"You'll definitely lose dattebayo!"

Lady Tsunade smirks. "I almost killed your current Hokage before—you, you would be just a piece of cake, squirt."

TBC

~6/17.22/11, 5 12 12AF U 6 30 12~

A/N: Full circle.