I'M SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A WHILE! School and moving is requiring my full dedication BUT BUT BUT I haven't forgotten you my lovelies! Thank You sticking with me. Sorry if its a little short. Do you want short chapter and weekly updates or longer chapters and bi-weekly updates. As always let me know! RR

Now without further adue...

8. Confusion

The drive from Forks to Seattle normally takes roughly three and a half hours. Traffic wasn't bad, so I got there in two. Surprisingly, I found the hotel Johnny was staying at easily. I sat there crying for about 20 minutes after parking my car. The pain from being away from Emmett is at a point so unbearable that I almost turned around and went back to him. I needed to talk to Johnny so I can get an understanding of what I'm feeling and regrasp my sanity. I reluctantly got out of my car and walked into the hotel. I walked to the elevators and caught one just as it was closing. I pressed the fourth floor button as I was riding up to the fourth floor I was hoping Johnny is full of advice, because I was desperate.

The elevator doors opened on fourth floor and I got off and walked down the hallway to Johnny's suite. I knocked on the door and five seconds later Johnny opened the door. I threw myself at him and the tears started up again. He returned my hug and walked me to the couch in the living room of his suite. After about ten minutes of me blubbering like an idiot, I finally calmed down enough to explain why the break down. I looked up at Johnny, and noticed for the first time how truly handsome he was. Johnny stood 6ft 3in, and he's built like a linebacker. A handsome face with the prettiest grey-green eyes I ever seen.

"Penny, why the waterworks?"

"I have a situation and I need some advice from an unbiased man's perspective."

"I'm all ears. Lay it on me."

I began to explain everything to him from my true feelings about my parents murder, to my situation with Leah and Paul. When I finally got around to telling him about my relationship with Emmett and how my feelings for him came on strong and suddenly, therefore scaring me and causing me to have a small panic attack. After I was finished, I began to hyperventilate. I hated this feeling. I now realized that this is my own fault. If I had just talked out my feelings instead bottling it up I wouldn't be having these panic attacks. I rolled my eyes internally.

'Who could I talk to that would've understood my situation? No one I've ever known or that Renee knew. Wait? What is Johnny babbling about?'

I turned my attention back onto his voice.

"Penny, breathe. Listen to the sound of my voice. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly." I repeated his instructions.

"Okay, Penny its okay to feel this way. You've experienced a tragic loss at such a young age, in a tragic, unexpected way. Erica robbed you of a loving set of parents and probably some siblings as well."

"I know, I hate that bitch but at the same time I feel sorry for her. Maybe she didn't have anyone to tell her that married men are automatically off limits. I also hate my father for doing that to my mother." He looked at me astounded.

"Penny you can't mean that."

"Yes, I do. His stupidity cost my mother her life. If he wasn't happy, then he should have opened his fucking mouth and talk to his wife, like a grown man."

"Penny. Javier wasn't unhappy. He just wan-"

"How would you know? Did he tell you? Huh? If he was so happy then why would he cheat on my mom? I'm sure if he would've just talked to my mother about how he was feeling I'm positive she would've listened."

"I know Penny."

"So why are you justifying my fathers actions? Would you do that to Amelia? The kids?"

"Of course not. I love my wife."

"But you're so quickly defending my father's stupidity. Was my mother not enough? Did he want his cake and eat it too?"

"No Penny. That's not it at all. You don't know what you're saying. You don't know the whole truth."

I looked at him astonished.

"Well, enlighten me. Explain the whole truth. If my father isn't a lying, cheating bastard and you have sufficient evidence then let's here it."

I glared at Johnny waiting for him to speak up. He looked away from me.

"I can't explain it yet. I didn't bring the sufficient evidence, as you so eloquently put it, with me."

I sat back on the couch, so many thoughts running through my head. Johnny's hiding something from me and damn it I'm going to figure it out.

"Johnny?"

He looked up at me.

"Yes."

I suddenly lost my nerve. I didn't want to confront him with so much on my mind. He may be right. Maybe I'm not ready to handle it just yet. I just hope it isn't worse than what I've been told so far. Great, now I have to worry if the truth is actually more gruesome than what I've been told.

"How are Amelia and the kids?"

"They're great. Benji and Sdy miss you so much that they wanted to come with me. I had to sneak out because they were determined to come. I didn't want them missing school."

"That's wonderful and a good thing. I'll just have to spend the first half of my summer break in California with them now won't I?"

He smiled and grabbed me into a hug.

"That would be wonderful. They'll really love that."

"Don't tell them or Amelia. I want it to be a surprise. When was the last time I saw Amelia and the kids?"

"It was two Christmases ago at Sdy's Christmas Play"

"Oh yea, the play was about Santa's workshop. Sdy was one of the elves. She was so adorable in her homemade elf costume. Amelia did a great job."

"Yea she was. The best elf." I felt him radiating a proud father aura.

We sat in an awkward slience for about five minutes before Johnny spoke again.

"So, do I get to meet this mystery Emmett that has you bursting into tears at the drop of a hat?"

I pulled out my cell phone and showed Johnny a picture of Emmett I took when he wasn't looking.

"Oh he's uhhh big...ummm...muscular...ummm he uhhh...he looks like a nice guy." I started laughing at the expression on Johnny's face.

"Yea. He's a big man but at least you know that you're goddaughter will be protected."

"I guess you're right. He looks as if he'll crush anyone who harms you." I continued to laugh.

'If only you knew.'

"So, what do I do Johnny? I mean I'm only 16 about to be 17 and we've been together for three months and I've told him "I love you" I'm so confused. Am I supposed to feel this way so young?"

He patted my shoulder and sighed.

"Sweetheart, its natural to be scared and confused. That's what love is. Its terrifying and utterly confusing, but the best part is the two of you get to figure it out together. I'd like to point out from the sounds of it Emmett is just as crazy about you as you are him. Am I right?"

"Yes, I knew from the moment our eyes locked that he's the one but I'm too scared to enjoy it. What if it doesn't last? I don't think I can bare it. Being this far from him now is physically killing me."

"Penny, you can't focus on the what ifs. You'll never be happy. As far as it lasting, I think you've found what most people are still searching for." I raised my eyebrow at him.

"What is that?"

"Your soulmate. Your other half. True Love at its finest. Ohh its always best while you're young."

"How do you know?" I was still a little confused.

"Well, do you think about him all the time?"

"Yes!"

"Does your heart flutter when you see him?"

"Yes!"

"Do you feel completely comfortable around him even when talking about bodily functions?"

"Yes Yes!"

"Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Just do it"

I closed my eyes as he asked me to cleary mind and focus souly on Emmett. He then asked me to picture my life without him.

"Penny, what do you see?"

"Nothing, its a blank existence and that's what I'm afraid of."

" It's okay to be afraid but at the same time its not good. That's what you need to figure out. Is it worth the risk? Now, can you picture your future with Emmett?"

"Yes! It's bright and clear." I opened my eyes and he was staring at me.

"Well, there you have it. It seems like its true love to me. Penny the only reason its scaring you is because of what Renee told you growing up. She used her failed first marriage as a way to discourage you and Bella from making her mistakes. What she failed to realize is that neither you or Bella are like her in any way shape or form. Ameilia and I should've fought harder for custody of you. Penny, sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with finding true love while still in high school. It's the greatest risk of all because its fresh and new. What's that rapper's name? The one that married his high school sweetheart. He represents California. He has long hair. Snoopy Dodgy Doggy?"

I laughed at that. Sometimes Johnny can be so out of touch. I hope he grasp it soon before Benji disowns him for his obvious lack on Hip-Hop knowledge.

"That's Snoop Doggy Dogg. You do have a point. They are still together. I guess the seriousness of the relationship and the fact that I've transferred to a school with absolutely nothing to occupy a teenager other than repetitive coursework did scare me."

I realize that after Johnny put everything into retrospect that it wasn't really scary at all. I should take advantage of this opportunity and enjoy it for as long as I can.

'Can I really enjoy it?'

I swear my subconscious is going to make me beat her ass. A brilliant idea struck me.

"Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"Is Ameila your soulmate?"

I saw his eyes light up at the mere mention of his wife. Its like she's his whole world.

'Aw, how sweet'

"Yes. Without a doubt in my mind. I knew from the first moment your father introduced us he-.."

"Wait my father introduced you to Amelia?"

"Yes. Didn't I tell you this story?"

"Uhh no. When was this?"

"It was our sophmore year in high school. Javier had known Amelia since 4th grade and I had known Rozalyn since 5th grade..."

"Wait, you knew my mother since grade school..."

"Penny, we'll be here all day and night if you keep interupting me."

I nodded and urged him to continue.

"As I was saying. He knew my wife for a long time and I knew your mother for a long time. I asked him to introduce us and in exchange I'd introduce him to Roz. Let me tell you at first Amelia and Roz couldn't stand either of us. Roz actually got mad at me and wouldn't speak to me for a while. Long story short I grew on Amelia and Javier grew on Roz. After that it was double dates back to back. Amelia and Roz grew close and traded embarrassing stories about us growing up. Actually it was the fact she knew about my complicated childhood and didn't care nor judge me sealed the deal that she was the one for me."

I had tears threating to fall. In all the years I've known Johnny I've never heard him speak with so much passion about his wife. They really were soulmates. After wiping my tears I noticed the day slipping from us.

"Come on Johnny, let's go sight seeing."

"Alright. Let me grab my wallet and hotel key."

"Come on old man, hurry up." He glared at me. "Uh Oh"

"Old...I got your old."

I tried to get away but he caught me and threw me over his shoulder and jogged to the elevator. I was laughing so hard.

He put me down once the elevator doors opened. It's a good thing too. An elderly couple was gawking at us. Once on the ground floor I grabbed Johnny by his hand and dragged him out the hotel.

"Where to first?"

"I want to visit Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee's graves first."

We headed toward my car and set off for the graveyards. Fifteen minutes later we pulle up at Renton's Greenwood Cemetery. It didn't take us long to find Jimi's grave. I put the white carnations down in front the memorial dome.

"I'm a huge fan Mr. Hendrix. It was you and Joan Jett that inspired me to play the guitar. Thank You!"

We left and set off for Lake View Cemetery. After ten mintues and a u-turn we found it. Like Jimi's the Lee's graves weren't hard to find. I was only interested in Bruce's grave. I laid the white carnations on his grave.

"I'm a big fan. I watched all your movies and still do. You inspired a generation, myself included to want to learn Marital Arts. Thank You"

We decided to save the Space Needle for last and started with Hats N' Boots. After coming out of Hats N' Boots I jumped onto Johnny's back.

"Giddy Up! Off to Mr. Gates' house." He laughed but didn't drop me.

We had a busy day. I dragged Johnny to Hats N' Boots, Bill Gates house, Experience Music Project Museum, Seattle Aquarium, Pike Place Market where we ordered from the Original Starbucks. We then went to the Seattle Great Wheel. Now we're on top of the Space Needle on the observation deck. The sun set hours ago and now we're looking at the clear night sky.

"That was a beautiful sunset."

"It was. I noticed you've been checking your phone throughtout the day. Is everything alright?"

"Yes. I just thought Emmett would call or at least text me by now." I didn't want to tell him just how much pain not receiving anything from Emmett caused me.

"Penny, I see you're in pain and its hurting you to know that he hasn't even called, but sweetie didn't you ask him for a little space and time so you can come to grips with all these emotions."

"Ugh! You're right. I hate you for bringing that up. This is what scaring me, he's giving what I want. He's not your usual pushy, arrogant, possessive, hormonal guy."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Good? Its a wonderful thing Johnny. He's too perfect. I'm afraid I'll allow myself to accept and relish in this feeling and poof I wake up and its all a dream."

He pulled me into a warm embrace and rubbed my back. He didn't say anything. He just held me. After about ten minutes he let go, but he grabbed me by the shoulders. He put his hand under my chin and tilted my head upward to look into my eyes. Surprise was on his face when he saw the tears falling.

"Penny, this isn't a dream. Its reality, your reality."

I didn't respond right away. I just closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him. I know what I feel in my heart is true but at the same time I don't want it to be because of the pain I'll feel if it turns out to be just a fairytale. An even worse thought just occured to me.

'What if Emmett meets another female vampire and thinks she's his true mate?'

Why am I feeling so insecure right now? This isn't me. I'm a badass confident woman. I'm starting to sound like Bella. I can't be around her when she's feeling like this. This shit is rubbing off on me in the wrong way.

'Wait, what did Johnny say?'

"Penny, did you hear me?"

I finally looked up at him. He was smiling at me. I guess some parts of me reminds him of his two best friends. My parents.

"No. Repeat it."

"I said 1. If you're still feeling unsure about your feelings with this Emmett guy then take a break. Use this time to figure it all out. Give it a month. No communication or physical contact weigh out the pros and cons and at the end of the 30 day period your still unsure then I'd suggest you break it off with him until you do. It isn't fair to have him hold out hope and wait for you. 2. Are you ready to go back to the hotel? Its getting darker and colder."

The thought of 30 days without contact with Emmett or any member of the Cullen family caused a searing sharp pain in my chest.

'Why? Why does everything have to be so difficult?'

"Yes."

He stopped walking and turned to face me.

"Yes to what?"

"Yes. Let's go back to the hotel and I'm going to try that 30 day challenge."

I felt as if someone plunged a hot knife straight into my heart.

"That's great Penny. I know you'll figure it out. I know you and Emmett are meant to be..."

He must have notice the question arising on my face because he put his hand up to stop me.

"No, I can't tell you what to do. You have to figure that out on your own."

"You suck!"

I stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed all the way to my car. He took my keys and drove us back I was too exhausted.

He half walked half carried me back to his room. After my butt hit the couch he went into the bedroom. He came out like five minutes later with something in his hand. He threw what I now see is a pair of pajama shorts and a t-shirt at me.

"Ladies first." He pointed to the bathroom. You don't have to tell me twice. I stood under the stream of hot water for a solid fifteen minutes. After dressing in the PJ's Johnny provided for me I sank back onto the couch. He reappeared after 10 minutes.

"Oh no. Ladies take the bed. I'll sleep on the sofa. Goodnight Penny."

I was about to argue but the look he gave me a look that shut that shit down quick.

"Goodnight Johnny."

I quickly hopped into the bed and laid there massaging my chest for 45 minutes before finally falling asleep.

Internal Monologue:

Can I really do this? Do I have the strength to cut off all communication from Emmett for 30 days? I know I love him with everything I have. I know he makes me feel safe. He respects my feelings and opinions. He accepts and encourages my friendship with Leah Clearwater. He actually listens to me and gives a honest, well thought out answer. I have to try. I refuse to be that girl who loses her identity in her boyfriend. That's why we work well together. He suggest NOT tell me what to do. Yes, I'll definitely try. I know we're meant for each other. This will strengthen our relationship. I will NOT let this control my whole life. He'll understand...he has too.

There you have it. To anyone that may ask. NO Penny and Emmett are NOT breaking up. I repeat Penny and Emmett are NOT breaking up. This is just temporary. I'm having writers block. Chapter 10 they WILL get back together and trust me it will be passionate and juicy soooooo stay tuned!

Another note:Penny didn't get to meet Peter and Charlotte because like Edward, Emmett didn't think it was a good idea just yet. She was at La Push with Leah.