Spoilers: Story takes place after Pale Demon but before A Perfect Blood. This is a series of stories set in the same AU, but mostly stand apart. The first was Out of the Darkness followed by A Dish Best Served Cold.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hollows or any of the characters associated with it, nor am I associated with KH or her publishing company. I'm just playing in the sandbox.

Chapter 3: We're All Mad Here

"I'm dead?!"

I didn't think that Ivy could have said anything stranger to me at that moment. I was expecting Ivy to be upset at me if, provided my calculations were close, I hadn't come back for 4 to 5 months. I expected anger. Guilt. Betrayal. I could respond to those. I had responded to those many times in the past; Ivy loved me more by far, so she would eventually forgive me. But me, dead? She came and helped me in Mackinaw; why would she think I died?

"Ivy, I'm really confused. You came up to help in Mackinaw, after telling me you couldn't. We made plans with Nick to get the focus out of town. We helped Peter there. You did all these things with me then we came home. Hell, you bit me for the first time there. How can you think I died there?"

My words seemed to have given pause to Ivy's anger. It was still there, I could still feel it there, but confusion had surged forward to take its place. It's like a light lit where there had been darkness before, and now it became easier to look around.

"No. NO! I went there. Jenks told me. Jenks helped me get your body back so we could bring it home. You died! Stop playing these games!"

With that, Ivy fled backwards to the shadows, doubling over herself. During those dark times for Ivy at home, I would go and hold her, letting her know that there was someone who loved her for who she really was. They had been coming less frequent over time, as she started accepting herself more and more. Despite the outward appearances of being cool, in control, sexy and suave, inner Ivy was still very low on self-esteem. I was helping her with this, because I wanted her to see herself as the person I knew her to be.

This Ivy, however, seemed to be different; she was reacting more like the time after Piscary blood raped her. That Ivy had scared me; not by making me feeling in danger, but by what the poor girl had endured in the hands of that soulless maniac. I was afraid that Piscary had broken her; that he, in typical undead vampire fashion, had used her and tossed her to the side. The fact that he supposedly 'loved' her was laughable; he only saw her as a potential consort after her death. I had no idea then on how to help Ivy, but I had learned a few things since then.

"Ivy? Ivy sweetie, please don't run. Whatever it is we can work it out, like we always do. Just please stay with me. I need you. I love you."

My words seemed to be having some impact on her, but how much I didn't know. Or for that matter, how they were impacting her. I've never seen her this way. She was still staying in the shadows, so I couldn't see her face to get an idea on how she was reacting. That and the fact that I was still snuggly tied to this chair, meant that my words had to do. What else could I say? She sounded convinced that I was dead and not here; that I was just some random person imitating my form. I supposed that I could remind her of some of what we went through, of what we meant to each other. If she was only remembering up to Mackinaw, then I needed to do the early stuff, when we weren't a couple. Inwardly sighing, I realized that I was undoubtedly freaking her out further with my talk of loving her. You would think that after a while I would learn to keep my mouth closed long enough to stop sticking my foot in it, but I was apparently a slow learner.

"Ivy, do you remember the day when we decided to quit the IS? We had all come together at the Blood and Brew Pub; I was there to tag a leprechaun. You said you were there for a tag as well. The leprechaun bribed me, offering three wishes if I would let her go. We split the three wishes up; I wished to not be caught for letting the leprechaun go. Jenks wished that he would not father any more children, making Matalina happy."

I paused a moment, expecting laughter, but I was only greeted by silence. I shrugged as best as I could and went on. "You? You didn't use your wish right away. You kept it on a necklace that you wore all the time. Days later I moved into the church with you. That first night? Things almost went really bad. I kept pressing your buttons, even though I didn't know I was. Eventually you told me things about vampires, like blood drinking and bespelling. You told me bespelling made for great sex," I couldn't help the large grin that came to my face, "which it does."

As my thoughts turned to the many times I had made love to Ivy, I started to become lost in thought. Thankfully I wasn't so far gone that I didn't notice Ivy moving a little towards me, but still in shadows. I was getting to her after all.

"That night could have ended so badly. You were on a three year blood fast and then I came along and pushed and pushed and pushed; a lesser vampire would have given in. You? Your love for me saved us. We didn't go somewhere neither of us was ready for. We both needed to grow from who we were to be our best for each other. Still, it was very trying for you, so you left the church and didn't come back until the next day. I wondered for a long time where you had went that night. It wasn't until years later that you told me that you went to see Mia, a banshee you knew before we met. Mia wanted a child but didn't want to kill someone to have one. You have always believed in true love, a love that encompasses all. You saw Mia hurting from a desire to love a child, which you believed would be denied yourself. You gave her your wish, so that Mia could have something that you dearly wanted. Something you were afraid you would end up corrupting if you kept that wish.

"The next day, you came home. I noticed the necklace missing and asked you about it but you refused to tell me. It was then that you gave me Cormel's book. You said that I should memorize it, so that I would stop hitting all of the vamp turn-ons every time we interacted. Secretly, I always thought you really wanted me to use the book when I was ready to move our relationship on."

"I did."

I almost didn't hear the whispered reply. I looked up from my reverie with a smile, seeing Ivy had come into the light. Ivy had changed a lot; while she was never by any means overweight, she had lost some of the weight in her face and chest, removing the sense of softness to show defined muscles. She looked thinner than before, but harder as well. It reminded me a lot of Linda Hamilton's look in Terminator 2. You know, if Linda Hamilton looked like an ivory skinned Scandinavian-Asian goddess with gorgeous black hair. She was wearing her trademark leather pants and long sleeve blouse. While I was more sensitive to colder temperatures, Ivy thrived in them, so it didn't surprise me to see her so lightly clothed.

I couldn't really determine her eye color from the flickering candlelight, but she no longer held anger in her face. As she drew closer, I saw some of the old facial expressions that I had previously seen: hope warring with an almost fatalistic depression. My Ivy, the Ivy I had just seen three days ago, had learned to hide those feelings, usually only letting them show briefly before being locked down within herself. This Ivy was having issues trying to control her emotions. She finally moved close enough to the light that I could see her eyes were full blown black, which could mean a lot of things. It could mean she was tempted almost beyond her control or feeling a heady mix of love and desire or a great anger had settled within her. She hadn't gone for my throat yet, so I had hopes that this would end okay.

"Ivy, I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but I didn't die in Mackinaw. After I got Nick, we met up with Peter and planned how to give him a decent death while getting the weres off of our back. After that, you, Jenks and I came home with the focus. There were a couple close calls, but nothing serious."

There was still unbelief etched on her face, but confusion had crept in as well. "The focus? What's that?"

I was stunned. I was literally gob smacked, which I can honestly say I've never used in a sentence before, and probably never will again. The focus was huge. It figured so prominently in our lives, it's hard to remember when I didn't have to worry about it. I mean, it led to the deaths of Kisten and Piscary, the jailing of Skimmer, and the not so bright idea I had to take the focus into myself. Ivy was there when all this went down. How could she forget it? Something is really wrong.

I wasn't sure where to start with all my questions, but she beat me to the punch. "Rachel, how can you be here? We brought your body home. It's buried in the backyard; I know because…well, because I visit you every day. Are you a ghost? Is there something I am not doing right? Have I done something wrong, so that you are here to haunt me? Do I need to help you be at peace so you can move on?"

She stopped, fear in her eyes; I barely heard the next few words…

"Have I gone mad?"

With those words, she fled down the hallway to the kitchen or living room; based on the sound of a door closing, she went through the living room to the backyard. I pulled at the rope a bit, but it wasn't coming undone easily. I sat back and let my mind remember the lessons Ivy had given me not so long ago: how to escape from being tied up. It's a hazard in our line of work that sometimes we might get captured and inevitably be tied up. While Ivy's strength would take care of most ropes, she still learned how to undo most knots in case she was ever in a position to need this skill. She insisted on teaching me as well; I was happy to learn this but I was not the best student. Several times I ticked Ivy off enough that she would walk away, leaving me to either get myself out or wait until she came back. She was gone one time for 4 hours; I was not happy with her when she got back. Ivy was thoroughly amused, though.

The knots she used were ones she had trained me on, so with a few minutes of work I had managed to free myself. I took a moment for a quick stretch then I contemplated whether to follow Ivy or not. She would come home eventually. I just wasn't sure if following her was a good idea. Cormel's book listed it as a turn-on, which didn't really bother me, but I also didn't want to become the main course for a stressed out Ivy's dinner. Still, she had answers that I needed. What choice was there?

I tapped into my line out back, still feeling the sluggishness of the power flowing to me. It took a little longer to get the energy needed, but I soon found myself with enough to call forth my light orb. The bluish white light showed the sanctuary, but one different from mine. The piano was still there, but I didn't expect Ivy to part with this if her life depended on it. Other than that, everything else was completely different. The rest of the furniture had been removed; gone were the couch and two sitting chairs that we used when interviewing potential clients. Many bookcases had taken their place along the walls, crammed with books to the point of overflowing. A few peeks showed one full of how to books, while another appeared to have a variety of fiction on it. A soft, full chair, different from the utilitarian ones we had before, sat near the bookshelves, with a nearby table, welcoming one to read there by candlelight. I was sure it was candlelight, as there was a hurricane lamp sitting on a small wooden table next to the chair. On one wall above the bookcase was one of those manual calendars, the ones that you have to change on a daily basis to keep it right. The calendar proclaimed the date was November 17th, 2012. This was 4 and a half years later than it should be. Shaking my head, I continued my observations of the sanctuary. There was a manual sewing machine on the raised altar, as well as several portable drawers and a table full of crafting materials. Everything was neatly organized in a way that I knew only Ivy could do. There were exercise mats in one corner along with a punching bag. And then there were the weapons…

As far as I could see, there were weapons in several locations in the room. They were all in not so obvious locations, the same places that Ivy…well, my Ivy, stored weapons for us. We never knew who might just show up at our doors, so we were prepared. Apparently, that was true here as well. Looking briefly at the door, I could see that she had added several locks and had structurally reinforced the door with what appeared to be steel rods. I can't imagine what could make it through that door; it looked solid enough to hold off an undead vamp.

Realizing that I had let my mind wander a little, I started slowly down the hallway, hoping to prevent any surprises. Was she here alone? I passed both bathrooms, both looking like normal. I approached the doors to our bedrooms; both were closed. I chose to open mine, as I wasn't sure if I should look into Ivy's. Old memories of not entering her room (to prevent my scent from covering everything) had surfaced in my mind, so I opted for mine. I was shocked at first; it looked like I had been here all along. Clothes were still laying on the floor, usually where I had flung them. My makeup basket on my dresser still looked messy and disorganized, as were the numerous perfumes that I or Ivy had bought for me. I was surprised to see my splat gun on my dresser; any charms left in it would undoubtedly have gone bad by now. Even my bed was unmade, as if I got up this morning and left the room as is. Ivy had told me that my mess of a room would often worry at her; the compulsion to clean and organize it would be very high at those times. To have left the room like this spoke volumes about Ivy's state of mind.

Shaking my head, I reclosed the door and moved onto the back of the church. A quick look into the kitchen showed that little had changed there. Ivy's table was no longer there; there were shelving units in place instead, holding a large amount of jarred food. Otherwise, everyone else was still the same: two stoves, refrigerator, and pantry. The hum of the refrigerator was the only thing breaking the silence at the time; otherwise, it felt dead like the rest of the city did. The refrigerator is running. All of a sudden, I remembered the solar panels on the roof; Ivy was clever enough to have installed them to get some electricity. Obviously, keeping food chilled was a high priority; I doubt she used the generated electricity for the hair dryer or the toaster.

Figuring I could ask Ivy about this later, I moved on to the living room, which was the warmest room of the house. To say I was shocked was an understatement. Everything that was here before had been removed. The TV, the furniture, the lamps…all gone. All that remained was her chair with the ever-present wool blanket on it, the one I would sit in when I missed her presence. There was wood stacked along one wall beside the fireplace, which had a small fire going. There was a swing arm installed on the fireplace; I guess that cooking was done there. More bookshelves were present, all to overflowing. The wall shared with the kitchen was filled with shelving units holding more food. I saw a lot of canned vegetables with some canned fruit as well. There was a small door present in the floor; I'm guessing that it went to wherever those cellar doors on the outside went. Still, no questions answered here, so onward I went.

I stepped outside to the cold again, regretting having to leave the slightly warmer air of the church. Despite the diminished amounts of heat in the church, at least it was warmer than out here. I released the light orb, as its light would be detrimental to my vision outside. I looked around, hoping that the little moonlight would help me see where Ivy went, if she was even here. She could be halfway to downtown by now if she was going at a quick pace. I squinted my eyes, hoping it would help, but I wasn't see anything. I moved a little further out to look again; this time I was able to see her form alongside the church. She was shaking; whatever it was, it was tearing her apart. I slowly moved forward until I was standing a few feet away from her. I could see what had drawn Ivy here; she stood at the feet of a burial plot. The stone erected at the head read:

Here Lies Rachel Mariana Morgan

Born 27 July 1981

Died 13 April 2007

It's not what we do, but who we love, that defines us.

It's a surreal moment for one to stand besides one's own gravesite. I stared at it for several moments, unsure what to say. I glanced over to see Ivy shaking; my heart sank at the sight of her grief brought fresh again. I knew she was hurting; the talks we had had confirmed that she had loved me from our days in the IS. If she was only remembering up to Mackinaw, she wouldn't know that I had eventually returned that love, after I pulled my head out of my ass to see what had been in front of me the whole time. I kicked myself frequently over all the time we missed out on, but Ivy always told me that it didn't matter; all that mattered was the time we had together going forward. With this knowledge, I knew I had to confront Ivy on her feelings (and those of my own); we needed to get right between us before anything else could occur.

I tentatively reached out to Ivy, still hesitant that she would flee. I slowly raised my hand to gently wipe away the tears that I was finally able to see as I drew closer. She jerked a bit at the first contact but then leaned into my hand with a gentle sigh. Her eyes opened to stare into mine; I could see the hope and the despair fighting within her. She turned her face to rest her nose on my hand, inhaling deeply. I wasn't trying to rush things; she needed this confirmation that I was telling the truth. By now, I had come to accept the truth of which she spoke: I had died here. Knowing that she would recognize me by my smell, I realized the same would have been true of the Rachel that died in Mackinaw. The one that Ivy had buried here.

"Ivy..." I started, suddenly full of doubt of what I should say. How do you speak to someone who is in love with you but had seen you die? I'm sure that someone more familiar with Star Trek or Doctor Who would probably have a better grip on what to do here, but I was lost. This world was mad, and Ivy had always been the one who kept me safe and sane whenever the world was at its worst. Based on how Ivy was acting, it seemed that it was my turn to be the rock.

"Ivy, I know that this is really hard to accept, but I am Rachel. I know you can tell by my smell. If you are really scared that I am wearing a disguise, then you can throw salt water on me." I paused, knowing that the next words were important. "I know who you are. I trust you. It's important to me that you trust me, so I am willing to do what it takes to help you. I want to be more help than just a towel and a cup of hot chocolate like last time."

The disbelief in her face gave way briefly to one that seemed almost joyous. "Rachel? It's you, it's really you! How did you…why were you…what…" With that, she gave up speaking and rushed over to me, enveloping me into a strong hug. I hugged her back, knowing she needed this more than anything right now. Her sobs were still reaching my ears as she clung to me, as if her life depended on it. Maybe in some way it did; the lack of people here in Cincy might well be detrimental to her mental health. Suddenly, I thought of blood sharing; I had to wonder if Ivy had any source of blood right now. I shelved that thought for later; if she didn't have anyone before, I could be that for her.

Slowly I started disengaging myself from Ivy, even though she was still clinging to my side. My thoughts went to spouses returning from active duty, and how the ones waiting for them at home didn't want to leave their side in fears that they might disappear once more. I did nothing to discourage her from hanging on me; after all that Ivy had put up with me, I could easily do this for her. In fact, I liked this side of Ivy. Once we had become a couple, Ivy's possessiveness ramped up to 11. She would always be at my side whenever we went out; she was making sure that there was no doubt to whom I belonged. Once I would have bristled at the idea of belonging to anyone, but I soon realized that I felt the same way about Ivy.

We slowly made our way into the church, passing through the living room on the way to her room. I opened the door for her, leading her to sit on our bed. (Well, our bed in my normal…world?) She quickly clasped my hands, reluctant to part from me for even a minute. She looked up, tears still streaming from her eyes. I hated to see her in so much pain, a pain like I hadn't seen since her days as Piscary's scion. I quickly removed my shoes and sat down with my one leg on the bed, so I could be looking directly at Ivy. I started slowly stroking her hair, which I knew was a calming method for my Ivy. Immediately a change came over Ivy; her eyes closed along with her upper body relaxing. Smiling, I reached over and once again wiped away those tears. I knew that they were for her Rachel, for the loss that she apparently still felt 5 years later.

"Ivy? What happened here? How did…well, how did I die? What happened to Cincinnati? "

Ivy opened her eyes, showing that they had once again resumed their warm brown colors. Her hand moved up to capture my own, gently holding it to her face for a few minutes before bringing them to her lap.

Ivy's Tale

"Jax had called Jenks to come help him up in Mackinaw. Jenks was determined to go it alone, still on the outs with us. Matalina came to you, begging for your help with Jenks. You finally convinced him to let you go. Realizing that it would be too cold for a pixie, you used demon magic to make him human sized. After that, you gathered supplies and borrowed Kisten's van for the trip. The day after you left, I received a package for you, which didn't seem important at the time.

"I can only go by what Jenks told me of what happened. The both of you found Jax, who told you that Nick was being held on an island by weres. Being the kind hearted but naïve person that you are, you decided on helping Nick, as you felt that you owed him or whatever. Jenks was never really clear on why you decided to help Nick, but it was the wrong choice. You made your way onto the island but then you were captured. Being held by the werewolves with the potential of being killed, you came up with the idea of challenging the alpha bitch for leadership.

"Before you left, you had managed to create a shapeshifting potion to allow you to were when needed. So, with this in mind, you decided this risk was worth it; either you would win and save yourselves, or you would lose but distract them long enough for Jenks to get away with Nick. When the challenge started, you used you charm to change into a were form. Unfortunately it went wrong. You started to change but the process stopped midway. Jenks described it to me as being the worst thing he had ever seen. Your legs had become those of a wolf, the chest area stayed human but with large amounts of hair. Your face was the worst; the snout formed but the rest of your head was unaffected. The failed process apparently caused you a large amount of pain; when the alpha bitch killed you, it was a mercy. Jenks still managed to escape in that time; he never found Nick. I'm not even sure if he tried at all.

"I came up the next day to find a distraught Jenks. I was enraged at the tale he told; the fact that your body was still on the island incensed me even further. I made my way over there that night; I found your body, desecrated by those hairy bastards. I slew many of them present, but some escaped before I could get to them. They had taken away the most precious thing in my life; in my mind, they no longer deserved to live themselves. I recovered your body and brought it back to the room you were staying. Jenks wanted to help me care for your body, but I had to do it. It was one of the last kind, loving things I could do for you; I had to clean you myself.

[Ivy stopped for a moment, wiping tears from her face. I knew that re-living these memories would be painful, but I needed to hear them.]

"We wrapped your body in the hotel sheets; we went out to purchase a casket, knowing it would fit in the back of the van. While we were out, the room was broken into, but only one thing had been taken: that package that had come for you. I had brought it with me to give to you here; I completely forgot about it because of the circumstances. I didn't actually remember it until after we had returned to the church, but I shrugged it off. There were far more important things that I had to do. I went to see your mother first; I couldn't keep this information from her. I'm sorry to say that it broke part of her; when I talked to her at later times, she would always refer to you in the present tense. Robbie eventually convinced her to move out west with him a few weeks later; I think it was for the best. The first and only time I tried calling her after the move, she snapped and blamed me for your death. She was going on and on about how she was going to ensure I suffered as much as she did. She had no idea that I probably was. Robbie eventually came on the phone and asked that I never call again.

"We had the funeral for you a few days after our return home. Everyone agreed that laying you to rest at the church was what you would have wanted; it was accepted that this was home for you, where you had some of your happier memories. Everyone we knew came out: Alice, Robbie and his wife. David, Serena, and Callie. Edden and Glenn. My father and sister came out. Ceri and Keasley were here. Trent and Quen showed, paid their condolences, then left. It was very weird. Hell, even Skimmer came out. I knew she was trying to be there for me, but it made me very angry. I physically threw her out; she didn't care for you at all, so she didn't deserve to be there. It was a beautiful spring day, but the way I felt, it should have been a miserable one. Everyone was wonderful and caring, but eventually they all left. Jenks and I were left, both so broken from your absence. We never realized how much you brightened our days until you were gone.

"Jenks was still large. Without you here to reverse it, we had no way to remove what you had done. Ceri was at a loss. We even tried calling Al, but he would only do it if Ceri returned to him. Guess he felt he missed out with you, so he had to get her back. Ceri tearfully said she would never go back with him. We banished him after that; Ceri, ashamed, went home. I felt sorry for Jenks, but there was nothing else that we could do. He started staying in the church after that, sleeping on the couch in the living room. After a few months, I offered him the use of your room, but he refused, saying that he could never replace you. Some things needed to stay the same.

"We settled down into a routine of work, sleep and eat. Both Jenks and I were too soul weary to want to try for any kind of life outside of that. Jax had returned home with us; he would never say what happened to Nick. I guessed that Nick died as well; I couldn't imagine he would have returned otherwise. He soon became our third, with Jenks training him on what to do. He did a good enough job, but he never came to Jenks' level of expertise. Still, it felt right to have a third, even though it was not the third we really wanted.

"As time went by, rumors kept swirling of odd things happening to the north, but never anything definite. Two months later, Glenn reaches out to me, asking if I had heard the news. Apparently, a large force of weres were attacking Detroit. In fact, some of the weres were from Detroit; they had joined the were army when it had approached. Based on reports by both the IS and the FIB branches, it was affecting all weres in the city. A few days later, Piscary told me that he had received word from the master vampire of Detroit; both the FIB and IS there had been defeated. Very few witches or vampires still lived. The last words he told Piscary were, 'they're here'.

"Soon enough, there was no news coming from Detroit. Nothing. No calls, no radio signals, nothing. It was liked it was swallowed by the earth. A few weeks after that, there were reports of the same out of Toronto. Then Rochester, New York. No one knew why, but all sources seemed to agree on one thing: the army was getting larger, not smaller.

["The focus…" Ivy stops to look at me, undoubtedly remembering my mention of it earlier. It was plain to see that she was waiting for more, so I went on. "The focus is an ancient werewolf demonic artifact. It allows the holder to control werewolves. I never imagined it was this powerful." Ivy nodded her head, as if it made sense, and moved on.]

"New York. Boston. Philadelphia. Baltimore. Washington, D.C. So many cities were being attacked and then going completely silent. When the army moved on to Pittsburgh and then Cleveland, it started becoming clear that we would soon be next. Panic ensued. There were runs on food and home goods; when supplies were getting low, looting began. Martial law was soon invoked, but the damage had been done. People started being mistrustful of weres anywhere. Daily reports of attacks and killings became the norm. David brought the girls to talk to me for advice; I told them to pack up and head out of town, preferably further south. The army was working its way from Cleveland to Columbus at this point, so we assumed it would come here afterwards and then to either Louisville or Indianapolis. I last heard from David about 4 years ago; they were in Miami. He had planned to go overseas from there, but I never heard back. Calls to his phone after that went dead. I hoped he made it out, but I was too afraid to know the truth.

"Once Columbus fell, the tide of panic exceeded the capabilities of the IS and the FIB. A mass exodus started, with people going in all directions, as long as it was away from Cincinnati. Werewolves were given a mandate to leave the city or there would be dire consequences. Everyone knew that any weres present would join the army; we just all assumed it was a case of joining or dying. I guess it was just the joining option after all. Most of the vampires stayed since Piscary stayed himself; very few were willing to chance running away from one of the oldest vampires still around. Piscary wanted me to join him, but I refused; I would never stay another night in his home. He might not have killed Rachel, but he wanted it done and wanted me to do it. I could not bring myself to trust him, let alone care for him. I tried to convince Kisten to come with me, but he stayed. He was still on the outs with Piscary after giving you that embalming fluid, so he was trying to make amends. I was harsh with him; I spoke in anger and said hurtful things in hopes of shaming him into abandoning Piscary, but it didn't work. I stormed away, leaving a hurt Kisten in my wake. I never saw him alive again after that.

"My parents were torn between staying with Piscary and fleeing the city. Leaving won out; Piscary had done too much to my family to warrant what amounted to a suicide pact. They tried to convince me to go with them, but I paid them as much heed as Kist did to me. I love my father and mother dearly, but Erica leaving broke my heart, which I had thought couldn't be broken again. She had always been a part of my life. I knew in the back of my mind that we would never see each other again, so it was hard to let her go. She had wanted to stay with me; I understood why. An undead mother with a father so drained from keeping her fed didn't present itself as an ideal living situation. I didn't expect to live through this; at least with my parents she might have a chance. I saw them off as they made their way east. They hoped to take a ship to either Europe or South America. I wasn't sure that either was safe in the long run, but at least now it seemed to be for the best.

"The elves disappeared one day; we got no notice that they were leaving. I guess the only person they might have contacted would have been you, mostly by Ceri, so that left us out of communication. Jenks was very worried for his family, but he wouldn't do anything because of the guilt he felt for potentially leaving me. We argued for several days over this; I was finally able to convince him to take his family and leave. He was planning on going south as David did; the milder winters would be easier to take for his younger children. It was a tearful farewell; he was my last reminder of the three of us. It was hard parting from him, as it was putting an end to that chapter of my life. Jenks wanted me to go with him, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready to leave the church yet; it was all that I had of you. I packed them up in my mother's car and sent them on their way. I was glad that they were leaving for relative safety; I wasn't sure that I could keep them safe.

"The army finally arrived at the outskirts of Cincy. The few weres that remained were seen joining the force sitting outside of the city. I knew that quite a few vampires remained, most of them going underground to wait this out. Other than that, the city was pretty deserted. A lot of looting had already occurred, but I was able to keep finding some supplies to meet my needs. I knew that if I survived this, I would need the means of growing my own food, so I hit up a lot of garden and farming supply stores. I had already managed to gather quite a bit before the army entered the city.

"Mass chaos. That's the best way I can describe it. Tons of werewolves everywhere. I stayed inside, knowing that werewolves were superstitious regarding churches. While they never tried coming in, they did destroy your garden and the majority of the headstones present. Once they had destroyed what they could, they moved on. Several times this happened, each time they didn't dare come near the church. Finally, on the third day of the siege, a man came to the church with an escort of dozen or so werewolves. He was fairly nondescript; the only thing I really noticed was a bag he kept close. He introduced himself as Walter Vincent. [I gasped. I had hoped that he was one of those that Ivy killed, but the bastard managed to live. I nodded at Ivy to continue on.] He asked if this was your home. Once I confirmed that it was, he laughed. Having come here to hurt the ones that cared for you, he noted that he saw the anguish in my eyes when I answered him, meaning I was punishing myself more than anything he could do. Seeing that what he wanted was already done, he turned his back on me and started down the street, the weres following. In my anger, I almost went after him, but I knew that I would get torn to pieces. In some ways, I would have welcomed death, the peace that it might bring me. However, before I could move, an image of you came to mind, shaking your head. You stopped me. I knew that you didn't approve; that's all it took.

"I knew that the direction they went was taking them towards Piscary's. I started out, but took care to watch for anyone following me. I certainly didn't want to be lured into an obvious trap. My hesitance saved my life; by the time I made it there the fight was already over. I saw dozens of bodies outside on the ground, both vamps and weres. It certainly seemed like there were more were bodies than vampires; I knew that the were army was so much larger, that they could afford the losses. I saw Vincent bend over to grab something, lifting it to show it was the head of Piscary. I was shocked. I felt no call, nor any communication from my now past master vampire. I wondered at the time if Piscary had made someone else his scion; I would never know. Still, the head of the greatest enemy in Cincy brought about cries of victory, both from the ones on two and four legs. Tossing it to the side, Vincent led his army towards downtown Cincy. I had no desire to follow them.

"Once I determined them gone, I made my way down to survey the scene. None of the living vampires were in any shape to rise as undead; second deaths were given to all. All around I saw the bodies of vampires that I had grown up with. I searched and searched, hoping to not find what I was looking for. Finally, under the bodies of 3 werewolves, I found Kist. I broke down there. The deaths of the two closest people in the world to me was too much of a shock to my system. Months went by before I came back to myself. I know that I had conversations with you and Kist; neither of you would ever answer me, just give knowing looks. I might have stayed in that state forever; it wasn't until one conversation with you I was having, the both of us in the sanctuary. I was babbling on like normal until I noticed something: your visage had changed. All previous times you looked as if you were attentive but quiet. This time you looked sad. It made my heart tremble harder than it ever has. I wondered why you were sad, but nothing I could think of in heaven would have caused that. Then I realized you were sad for me.

[Ivy stopped for a moment, tears streaming down her face. I quickly scooted closer, taking her into my arms. She was reluctant at first, still feeling like a stone statue that was the norm for our hugs in the old days; however, she quickly melted into my embrace. Who knows when was the last loving human touch she had? She needed this just as much as I did. We stayed that way for countless minutes, as her sobs slowly ceased; all the time I was whispering soothing noises and calming words to her. I knew what would impact her the most; Ivy still had days where she felt that she was nothing but a monster. I found out how to bring her back from those feelings; it appears the same words were helping this Ivy.]

"Thank you. It's been so long since I've really spoken to anyone; my only contact with any other people are the three hunters in Covington. We really don't have civil conversation; we only talk to make sure each of us is staying on their side of the line. I never realized how freeing it would be to be able to talk about this; I've carried it around so long, it's become an almost burden to me. That night that I saw sadness in your face? It was the last time I spoke to you like that. I never saw you again, though I now realize they were probably hallucinations. Still, for you to change like that? I have always taken it as a sign from Heaven.

"Anyway, once I determined that I was the source of your sadness, I knew that you felt that I was giving up on life, which I pretty much had. You wanted me to live. I wanted nothing more but to be with you again, but it was not meant to be quite yet. When I came to myself, I found so much had changed already. The electricity was out and my phone dead. I started really working on survival first, then living. I needed short term supplies with an eye to start planning on long term projects such as food, clothing, and so on. I started raiding every house this side of the Ohio River. I checked businesses for various supplies, like cleaners, paper goods, tools, and the like. I raided the library and other places with books; I knew that I would need more knowledge on how to build anything I might need, maintaining the church, growing crops, making clothing, and so much more. You never really realize how much we depend on others to make the things we use in our daily lives until they aren't being made anymore. I could tell by the weather turning colder and the days shorter, that I was going into winter. I redoubled my efforts, focusing on clothing, food, and winter gear. Without the comfort of our heating system, the nights would get very cold soon. I found an old army sleeping bag in one of those army/navy surplus stores. That and tons of blankets kept me warm through the winter.

"The next spring, I started planting. I knew it would take a lot of food to feed me for not only today, but in the winter to come. I knew that the church lot would never be enough, so I started planting in back yards or empty lots around me. Any place I could find enough space for even a small garden was used. I started having animals eating my crops, but, as I caught and killed them, the amount of crops eaten was reduced. I tried to not let anything go to waste; I learned how to salt meat properly to keep it longer. I made some jerky as well. I wasn't happy to do so, but I even learned to eat kidneys and liver. It was nourishment from protein that I desperately needed; I didn't torture the animals nor kill them for sport, so I eventually got over my squeamishness on the subject.

"My first crop…well, it mostly failed. Part of it was the lack of rain; without running water, I relied on the weather to keep the fields wet. Part of it was my fault; I didn't realize that certain plants do better in some situations while others didn't. Over ¾ of my crop died on me. I increased my scavenging in hopes of finding more than enough food to last the winter. I mostly succeeded; I did need to ration somewhat, but I never starved. That was my hardest winter. I have to tell you: my will really wavered there. I was so close to ending it all. However, whenever I got serious about it, my mind would always flashback to that sad look on your face. It always kept me focused on surviving. The days I would fill with scavenging for various supplies or materials. The nights were for reading. While I did grab fiction to read, I also got a bunch of how-to books: sewing, knitting, quilting, food storage, smoking meats, and more. All the things we took for granted, I read up on. It helped pass that dismal winter.

"The next spring saw me actually planning out what crops go where. Once I understood which plant needed more sun versus less and the like, I had a system. I started hauling water out of the river; while I didn't want to think about what it might have in it, I knew it was really the best source for me. I had several water purifiers, so I knew the majority of the dirt and other things would get filtered out. I caught fish while I was at the river; I built a little smoking hut where I could smoke them for later meals. After assessing the foundation, I dug out the small root cellar under the living room. With a book for instruction, I was able to shore up the foundation enough to support the weight of the house while making room for the goods I would be storing there. I needed a cool dry place to store potatoes and the like. I installed rain barrels under our gutters to collect even more water. I made the fire pit and the brick oven that summer as well. I was better prepared thanks to all the reading I had done over the prior winter. I learned to can goods as well, as I had plenty of crops that was more than I needed. I was well stocked for that winter, having all the necessary foods to have a balanced diet.

"I'm sure that you saw some of the other things I added: solar panels for electricity, a small greenhouse for fresh vegetables during the winter. I only use the electricity to run the refrigerator; being able to save foods that way helped even more. I added a sewing machine to repair as much of my clothing as possible. I've tried actually making my own clothing; they came out…okay? Okay seems too good to describe what I produced. It's obvious that sewing is not a talent of mine."

[A small giggle leaves me unexpectedly at that image; I could imagine Ivy looking at the shirt with great consternation, one eyebrow arched. Ivy looks uncertain at first, then a small smile emerges at my reaction.]

"I can't be perfect in everything, I suppose. My life now is farming and gathering. I still find the occasional cache of goods, but almost everything I eat is something I have produced. I don't venture much outside the Hollows; I suspect that those hunters try to watch my movements as well, so I am reluctant to leave the church unattended for long periods of time. It's everything to me now. I don't know if I could keep going if it wasn't here."

"Ivy…oh, Ivy."

I was stunned. Everything that had happened, everything that she had gone through…it was almost too much for me to bear. Tears had started streaming down my face during her story, tears that were my way of sympathizing for Ivy. I quickly raised my hand to her cheek; she flinched at first, but settled when she realized I wasn't doing anything hostile. It was the way life has been for her; there had been nobody on her side, no one who she could feel comforted by or be at peace with. My thumb traced small circles on her cheek, wiping away the remnants of tears that Ivy had shed during her retelling of the past 5 years. Solely on impulse, I leaned in and gave her a quick peck on her lips, forgetting momentarily that this Ivy wouldn't be expecting anything like that from me.

Ivy's lips were as soft as ever, but unmoving under my lips. I suddenly realized why she wasn't responding; I disengaged myself from Ivy and backed away a little. I had no real idea (but I did have some suspicions) about how Ivy was doing mentally. When we first started living together, I really pushed her beyond the limits of her control sometimes. Ivy would frequently have to barricade herself inside her room or leave the church entirely when I was being too tempting a target. How this Ivy would handle herself after years alone could be even worse. We only had a little ambient light from the fire in the living room, so all I could make out was her outline; I couldn't use her eyes to gauge her current emotional state.

"I am so sorry, Ivy. I did that without thinking. If you need me to leave, I can. I wasn't trying…I mean, I normally…wait, this isn't normal, at least for you…crap on toast. Ugh." I sighed heavily, trying to figure out the best way to tell Ivy why someone who never showed any interest in her is suddenly locking lips with her. It was weird and convoluted and very saddening, but some good did come of those events. It's just that those events never happened here, so it seemed that I pounced on Ivy for no reason and no warning. And, to boot, all this time that I'd been trying to work through this, Ivy was sitting there with no response.

"Let's try this again. I'm sorry if what I did set off your instincts. I know enough to not leave the room right now, as you might start chasing me. We can talk our way past this. To be blunt, well, Ivy, my Ivy, and I came together during a particularly trying time for both of us. We both needed each other so much then; it was only natural for me to start seeing her differently than I had been. We started a blood balance first, knowing that we could share emotions during blood sharing. We helped each other overcome our trials and troubles, coming to fully love the other at the time. It wasn't long before we were sharing more than blood. Now, whenever I see Ivy hurting like I did you, it's my first nature to try to help her get past those feelings. That's why I kissed you; it's like second nature to me now."

While I was speaking, I noticed that she had jerked back at my mention of blood balances. If I…well, this Rachel, died before Ivy reached Mackinaw, we had never shared blood. Here, Ivy and Rachel were little more than friends, even though Ivy had wanted more from the beginning. What I had described earlier today, about what happened that first night, was probably the closest that Ivy had been to getting what she wanted from Rachel. I knew, based on what Ivy told me later, that it was little more than pure sex that she had wanted that night, but it slowly changed to love over time. This Ivy would never see those things occur; she had lost her Rachel before they had had the chance to share anything.

A thought occurred to me then. "Ivy, you've haven't mentioned any other person besides those hunters, which you said that you don't associate with them. How are you getting blood right now?"

Ivy turned her ahead away at my words, leading me to gently and slowly bring my hand up to guide her head back to me. While I couldn't see her details, I knew Ivy's vision was good enough to see my face clearly. I rubbed the backs of my fingers along her cheek, something that my Ivy admitted was very calming to her. Ivy sighed at my touch and slowly leaned into my fingers. There was another light sigh before she spoke.

"In the beginning, I found a few vamps that had managed to avoid detection by the were army, some underground, some just lucky. We met occasionally to share blood. As time passed, one by one, they started disappearing. As none of us knew where the others lived (we kept it that way on purpose), we had no idea if they moved on or were killed. The last vamp I saw was nearly two years ago."

A shot of fear bolted through me, so afraid that she had gone too long without blood; I had to wonder if she were crazy from being deprived. I quickly doused that fear; it undoubtedly made her instincts jump even further up a road that I didn't want Ivy on. "Ivy, how have you survived two years without blood? I know you had that blood diet from before we met, but it was more a test of will versus Piscary than anything. Have you been drinking from other things?"

The room was starting to lighten; dawn was approaching us quicker than I thought. I guess I had been listening for long enough that the night slipped away from us. I could start making out her face; to my surprise, Ivy looked a little guilty at something. Before I could even start to ask what she was thinking, Ivy started speaking.

"I…" a large sigh emerged from her lips, "I started biting myself. Yes, we are told not to do so; it is said that the taste of your own blood is very vile and disgusting. I can verify that that is quite true. Still, there was no one else who could be a blood donor for me, so I kept to it. I had hoped that, with time, the taste would become less repugnant, but it never has." She pulled up her left sleeve to show the multiple bite marks on her arm. Even in the low light levels, I could make out several bite marks present on her arm. "The marks take longer to heal than normal wounds. In addition, I don't get the blood ecstasy that I would from other vampires. Unfortunately, only human or Inderlander blood will do; I tried drinking blood from a deer I caught, which I promptly threw up. I knew then that my own supply was the only source for me to go to. I had to keep a good supply of brimstone around, as my blood would need replenishing in quick fashion if I were to keep up appearances. Thankfully, Trent kept good notes on where his labs and distributors were. I was able to find several pallets of brimstone in brick form. A daily drink made from brimstone and the little tea I have left helps me keep active."

My tears had started up again at her words. The lengths this poor woman had had to go to to just meet the needs that she thought dead me wanted was just saddening. I knew right then and there that there was something I could do to help her out. Maybe it was my reminder of things my Ivy went through that spurred these thoughts. Maybe this was my way of healing this Ivy of what she had experienced due to the missing presence of her Rachel. At any rate, I knew that there was never any possibility that I wouldn't offer this to her.

"Ivy, my Ivy and I shared everything." A small, seductive smile made its way onto my face, as I reached out for her hands. "Since you are Ivy, I feel like I can share these things with you. Do you feel like I would be safe with you?" Ivy gave me a slow yet firm nod, which gave me a quick warm thrill that flowed throughout my body. I quickly pulled her close to me, slowly kissing my way up her shoulders to her neck. Once I reached her ear, I whispered these words to her: "Then you can have me, body and blood, for tonight. Let me show you the love that you've been denied."