This chapter contains references to rape death torture, and hospitals please do not read of that will be something triggering for you

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JJ blinked she knew she was in the hospital, she just hoped it wasn't the one in south rock, if it was it was going to be a problem. She groaned and opened her eyes as much as she could.

"Hey there you are" a voice beside her said. JJ knew the voice belonged to Emily and it was grounding.

The more lucid JJ became she realized her was in fact in the south rock hospital and was fully awake, she sat up quicky ignoring the pain covering her entire body despite, she grabbed Emily's hand that was reaching for the nurse call button.

"I need to call the nurse and you need to lay back down" Emily said gently but firmly

"No" JJ held both of Emily's hands so she couldn't push the button, "I need to get out of here, I will go to a different hospital if you want but I will not be treated here"

"JJ, you need to stay here we have things we need to tell you"

"I can't trust anyone in this hospital, and I don't care how I got here right now I just need to leave"

"I'm going to call a nurse and they will treat you; I'm going to call the team and let them know your awake then we can explain everything. Ok?" Emily said although it wasn't really a question, she pulled her hands away from JJs and pressed the nurse call button before JJ could try to stop her.

Panic filled every bone in JJs body, she couldn't let anyone touch her, they couldn't be trusted, even if Emily was there. JJ reached for her necklace and her panic only increased when it was gone. Emily noticed the panic and reached out hoping to provide some comfort, but JJ just yanked her arm away scooting back on the bed when a nurse walked in.

"No" she whispered quietly the first time but as the nurse introduced herself the 'Nos' got louder her brain went on auto pilot, when the nurse walked towards her JJ all but leaped out of the bed and pushed herself into the corner ignoring the fact, she had just ripped her IV out, actually that was a good thing she didn't know hat drugs they were giving her.

Emily and the nurse tried to gently coax JJ back into her bed but JJ just panicked more. She was 12 years old again about to be taken back into surgery, she knew full and well what was about to happen, she was about to have her rights stripped away from her and her chance to be a mother ripped away.

But she wasn't 12, Emily was there, Emily didn't know everything even if she somehow read her file. Luke knew, where was Luke, she needed Luke.

JJ sank to the floor in the corner, she couldn't hear the nurse anymore, but she couldn't really hear anything, only a buzzing in her head letting her know she needed to focus on something or pass out. JJ didn't want to focus on Emily, she couldn't even bring herself to look at her, so instead she counted things she could see on the wall.

After a few moments JJ realized the nurse was gone and it was just her and Emily, that didn't do much to ease her fears the nurse could simply be going to get more people. She couldn't risk that she saw the bag on a bedside table that she knew had her clothes in it.

JJ ignored Emily's protests and stood up crossing the room opening the bag and pulling out her clothes, they were pretty dirty but she couldn't walk out of the hospital in a gown.

Emily walked over grabbed her wrists and tried to look her in the eye but JJ just looked at the floor. "Jennifer, I need you to at least tell me why you want to leave'

"This hospital does bad things to people, especially if they don't like you, and in case you haven't caught on I am not the most liked person around here" JJ said and yanked her hands away going back to her back of stuff. "I need to get out of here, I don't care if you like it or not you can tell me whatever you want later but right now, I need to get out of here."

Emily knew she couldn't win this fight, but JJ was severely injured yet somehow managing to walk around and had clearly lost some of her memory because she hadn't mentioned anything about what had happened with her and Luke after the explosion.

"Ok, here's what's going to happen. I'm not going to leave you alone. I'm going to call the team and someone will bring you fresh clothes from your go bag, we are going to take you to an urgent care outside of the town to get checked out, in the meantime you're just going to sit on the bed I won't let anyone touch you, okay?" Emily knew that JJ would refuse to be treated here, although she really needed too. Emily knew JJ would eventually remember everything that happened and she wanted to make sure she was there for JJ when she did.

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Flashback

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JJ held Ethan impossibly tighter hoping and praying he would survive. The explosion was big enough to do a crazy amount of damage, but if was far enough away they were still alive even if a little burned. They were underground which meant if anything collapsed, they would be trapped, if they weren't already trapped.

JJ could feel both Ethan and Ben breathing- so they were alive. after enough time to assume there wouldn't be another explosion Ben let go of JJ and Ethan to try to find away out, JJ would have helped but she didn't want to let go of Ethan who was violently shaking in her arms. No one had the strength to talk, or anything to say.

Ben scanned the room; the door was still closed and intact so they could just go out the door but they would still have to get all the way back up which would be incredibly risky. Search and rescue would take hours to get down to where they were and they didn't have that kind of time. The explosion was incredibly loud to the point all Ethan could hear was ringing, that meant the explosion was either really close by or insanely big, JJ wasn't sure which one she preferred.

JJ suddenly remembered about Luke, she still hadn't found him which meant he was still in the building when the bomb went off, JJ couldn't help but think of the worst. JJ never knew exactly where he was in the building but JJ assumed that it would be the 4th floor down where she was, and that's where the explosion happened. JJ didn't know if she would get out of the building but she promised Luke they wouldn't die there, and she would do everything she could to keep that promise even if it meant risking being in the building when it inevitably collapsed.

If they knew 'The Downstairs' had access to bombs the entire situation would have been handled differently. The bomb squad would have been there and prepared. Less agents would have been sent in and it would have been treated as a hostage situation.

JJ shifted her position with Ethan pulling him onto her lap lightly rocking him, even though he was probably 13 years old and normally the idea of being rocked like a baby would make any boy that age cringe in disgust he just held onto JJ for dear life, thinking of Julia as he slowly felt himself slip into sleep.

Before he could fully fall asleep the door to the room was thrown open. JJ hoped for a faint moment they had somehow already been found. Standing in the door way wearing a gas mask was Bro. Jesse and as usual 4 deacon from the church except this time there were another 4 men behind them and JJ knew they had no chance. Ben scrambled for his gun but he had some how lost it in all the chaos.

"Well, hello again Jennifer I suppose its time for a little fun" Bro. Jesse said and nodded his head forward, the 5 of the men rushed through the door in front of him, two of the men stripped Ben of all his body armor leaving him in just black pants and shirt, before pinning his arms being him, another two men doing the same to JJ, pulling her away from Ethan who only one man pinned his arms behind him.

JJ had the exact same feeling she had the day she was pulled from school and as she was marched through the burnt hallways, she gave up fight, she was going to be defeated. JJ Ben and Ethan were taken down to a level JJ didn't even know existed, it seemed completely unaffected by the bomb. It looked a lot like the 4th floor in design and when JJ was pushed into a dark room, she knew exactly what would happen.

It both relived and pained JJ to see Luke in the room, we looked completely and utterly exhausted but he was alive. All the men left the room leaving JJ, Luke, Ethan, and ben alone in the room, Luke was slumped against the wall and JJ crawled over there, she knew if she didn't get out of there, that there were things she needed to tell Luke.

"I don't know how long it will be till they come back but I want you to know you are my best friend I've ever had since seeing you in our classroom on the first day of school. Everything happening right now is my fault, I should have just suffered and not fought back. No matter what happens I love you." JJ said tears freely rolling down her face.

"I Love you too"

The door burst open again and everyone was yanked up off the ground JJ didn't even try to fight back just simply let them do whatever they wanted. JJ's, Luke's and Ethan's hands were all chained onto the ceiling while Ben was just held with his arms behind his back, without warning one of the men pulled out a gun and shot him right between the eyes.

Despite only knowing the man for less then 2 hours JJ felt a bond with Ben and watching broke her, she didn't feel the tears roll down her cheeks or the cuffs digging into her wrists all she felt was crippling guilt.

"You took what I valued most JJ and you have been a problem in my life ever since then. Its time for me to take what you value most. And little Ethan over here is juts a bonus, any last words Ethan" Bro. Jesse asked as one of his men aimed a gun at him.

"No, no please don't he's just a kid" JJ pleaded though she knew it was useless.

"Please find someone who will keep Julia safe and make sure she knows who I am" Ethan said sobbing.

A gunshot rang out and JJ couldn't bear to look over at the young boy she had just gotten killed.

"Mr. Luke I've been waiting for years to do this" Bro. Jesse lifted a gun and that's when JJ started screaming, he pulled the trigger and Luke hang limp from his chains.

JJ screamed and screamed till she had no voice left, the time she spent in that room with 3 dead body's while being repeatedly violated and beat was the worst days of her life, even more so than the days on end she would spend as a child being locked away in a room with Bro. Jesse, this was somehow worse.

JJ was down at what she now knew as the 6th floor for 76 hours 23 minutes before her team found her. She was raped and tortured endlessly all while Bro. Jesse was watching, when the team found her, she was passed out on the floor after being electrocuted. Bro. Jesse and his men died on sight.

JJ couldn't fight anymore, she wanted nothing more in that moment then to die, she had promised Luke when they were very young that they wouldn't die there but 11 years after they left JJ broke her promise.

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End flashback

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A/N: I'm not gonna lie this was a hard chapter to write and I'm not sure how I did so come constructive feedback would be helpful

I just posted other chapter to the prequel "Who I was" if you would like to go read that then be my guest

Please stay hydrated folks

Reviews are appreciated but not required;)