"Um what" Ben asked confused

"Well, it's been a long past few days I thought some rest would do you good" JJ purposely avoided the word sleep, she knew he likely wouldn't even want to sleep.

"Oh. Sure. I just- "ben cut himself off stumbling over his words.

JJ realized that Ben that Ben probably had no idea what to expect, he had never lived with her before, he had never even lived in a real house. for all Ben knew he might had expected to be sleeping on the floor in the kitchen.

"Why don't you two head to the room and I'll clean up in here and bring up some of your stuff when in done." Emily suggested from her spot on the floor.

JJ stood up Ben following suit, JJ grabbed the pile of blankets off the floor, and Ben hesitated for a moment before reaching down and grabbing one of the piles of clothes off the floor, the one made up of mostly pajamas. JJ nodded her head for her to follow her and they walked out of the room.

Emily waited a few moments after they left to start gathering trash, once had everything together she looked around for a trash can. There would be one in the kitchen, issue was she didn't know where the kitchen was. Across the entry way Emily could see a dining room, the kitchen would probably be near there.

Emily walked out of the living room and into the dining room, luckily there was a double doorway leading into the kitchen, now she just had to find a trashcan. That didn't take long since the trash can was simply sitting on the other side of one of the counters.

There was no wasting time as she went and grabbed a pile of toiletries off the ground and went in search of JJ and Ben, she had heard them walking up some stairs so she knew they weren't on that level of the house, the issue was once again she had no idea where anything was.

……………………….

JJ led Ben through the house and up the stairs, she figured she wouldn't over load Ben with information tonight. She really just wanted him to get settled into his space. They reached the top of the stairs where all the bedrooms were except the master. Once they reached the correct room JJ opened the door to reveal what would now be Bens room.

It was a good size room; it had a set of bunkbeds where the bottom bunk was a queen size. There were two desks and some bookshelves, there were some books but still lots of room to expand the collection. there was a dresser with a big mirror, a tv was hung on one of the walls and some storage cubes that were currently empty.

"OK, so this is your room, we can get rid of some stuff or move stuff around if you'd like, just let me know. You can put your stuff anywhere you want, doesn't matter to me. We'll get you some stuff eventually to make it feel homier" JJ said and set the pile of blankets she was holding onto the bottom bunk. "If you want to set those down, I can show you where the bathroom is"

Ben set down the pile next to the blankets JJ had just set down and turned to once again follow JJ. Directly across the hall was the bathroom.

"This is your own bathroom, again you can put stuff wherever you want. The towels and extra toilet paper are in the closet when you need them." JJ looked back and Ben to see him lightly chewing on his lip. "Are you okay. Do you need anything or have any questions?"

Ben shook his head but still looked like she needed something.

"Would you rather write it down or type it, or I know sign language" JJ offered, she wasn't sure why but she had a feeling ben wasn't exactly in a position to talk.

Ben made a texting motion with his hand and JJ pulled out her phone opening the notes app and handing it to Ben watching him type. When the phone was handed back to her, she read what was a surprisingly long block of text:

I'm sorry I can't talk, I'm not sure why it just happens sometimes. I'll try not to bother you too much; I can take care of myself I know you have an important job. I can clean up the house during the day, and can take care of the yard. I can cook and do laundry and know how to fix some appliances. Whatever I need to do to stay here. What time do I need to be awake?

JJ frown grew bigger the more she read, Ben wasn't even 12 years old yet and was thinking he would have to do everything around the house. "You know what why don't we go back to your room and talk about all these things."

JJ sat down in one of the desk chairs and gestured for Ben to sit down on the edge of the bed- which he did looking panicked.

"Hey you're not in trouble for not being able to talk, sometimes my friend at work spencer can't talk if somethings very overwhelming, it was even happened to be before." JJ reassured Ben. "Now about you not bothering me and doing all those things. While they are good skills to have, you're not going to be taking complete care of yourself. Even though I haven't known you for long I love you Ben, you're my brother."

JJ took a deep breath to avoid crying. "You never need to do anything to stay here, you're home. You don't need to get up at a certain time and stand at attention outside your door. you don't need to ask permission to eat, or to speak. You can walk around the house freely, at any time, nowhere is off limits. you can wear whatever you want whenever you want. You can be whoever you want. All those awful things that happened to you, and all those things you were taught, they don't matter here. I don't expect you to just jump right into life outside of that place, we can ease you in slowly, as long as I have you your safe"

By the end of JJ's speech Ben surprised them both when he stood and crossed the room giving JJ a small hug, it was short but sweet, neither of them really wanted physical affection at the time, but there was still a sense of comfort.

Ben went and sat back on his bed and JJ stood. "I Know your gonna want to get some rest, we can just get the rest of the stuff in the morning."

Ben nodded and JJ made her way to the door before stopping and turning back around to face him.

"I'm serious, if you need anything at all let me or Emily know. We won't get mad, and if you need to get up in the middle of the night that's perfectly fine. Okay?"

Ben nodded again and JJ left the room closing the door behind her leaving Ben alone and to his own devices.

Ben stood up to look around the room some more, he hadn't been paying much attention when he first came in more focused on what JJ was saying, the whole time he had been waiting to be assigned some job in the house, but when JJ gave him the whole speech about everything, he realized that wouldn't be happening, at least not tonight, he still wasn't sure how much he could trust JJ. She of course had assured him he was safe, but people lied, and he had learned that just because they're your family doesn't mean you can trust them.

Upon inspecting the room, a little he decided it was 100x better then his room at 'The Downstairs'. When he heard footsteps outside his room he tensed and quickly moved to his bed, he was afraid JJ had somehow changed her mind, or maybe it was JJ or Emily coming to hurt him. The footsteps quickly started fading away and he thought for a second, he might have just imagined them.

After a few minutes of waiting to see if anyone was coming back, he slipped out of the bed and removed the pile of clothes, and pushing a few blankets to the foot of the bed, it was cold but he didn't need 5 blankets. He slipped off his shoes and socks setting them at the foot of his bed, he decided he wasn't going to change out of his issued pajamas.

As much as he hated to admit it, he kind of wished he was back in 'The downstairs' of course he didn't want all the pain and suffering that came with it, but there was a routine there, a routine he had never broken since he was sent away at 3 years old. It scared him, nothing was right, he hadn't had dinner in his room taking exactly 17 minutes to eat there was no after dinner therapy.

Ben felt His chest tightening, and he couldn't get any air into his lungs. He paced back and forth in the room, violently shaking his hands back and forth, he walked over to the wall and slid down it he started banging his head against the wall hands rubbing up and down his legs now warm from the friction.

He tried to calm down, it wasn't like this hadn't happening before, but he couldn't calm down if he couldn't breathe. He tried to draw in a desperate breath but nothing would get through to his lungs, he let out an audible sob and tears started freely running down his face. Hitting his head harder on the wall each time.

He didn't even notice his door opening until there was a face in front of him, it took him a second to recognize who it was. Emily.

"Hey. Hey. Can you stop hitting your head for me" She asked calmly, not touching ben but holding out a hand in case she needed to put it between him and the wall. When there was no changed, she tried something different. "Ok, so you can't stop hitting your head. Why don't a grab a pillow and put it in between you and the wall." She didn't wait for a response and got up grabbing a throw pillow off the bed.

Ben could see her lips moving but she couldn't hear anything due to the pounding in his head. She got up and a few seconds later when his head would normally hit the wall he came into contact with a pillow, it threw him off but he continued banging his head, only instead of the hard wall every time it was a soft pillow, not really giving him the relief, he had hoped for, but it made him aware of what he was doing.

He could faintly hear Emily taking exaggerated breaths in front of him, he did his best to mimic what she was doing but it was just so hard. After a few tries he managed a small breath, which led to more small breaths, and after a while his breathing was almost back to normal, and his hands had stopped rubbing his legs, and at some point, his head had slowed.

"Good job." Emily praised him though she could tell he was still a little out of it. She stood offering Ben and hand and he took it standing up himself. Emily let him walk over to the bed by himself which he was grateful for. Ben was completely exhausted and fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed, not even bothering to pull down the sheets.

Emily watched as the tween boy fell asleep, and pulled a blanket over him. JJ hadn't even said anything to her other then she was going downstairs to shower. As Emily was putting away some of toiletries she had brought up when she heard something repeatedly hitting the wall and knew she couldn't just leave it. When she opened the door and found ben like that, she knew what was happening and did her best to help. He hoped she would build some trust with him over time.

Emily quietly exited the room, thinking it would be a bit creepy for her to just stand and watch him sleep.

Emily took JJ being in the shower as an opportunity to look around the house a bit. She had of course already seen Bens room and bathroom so she walked a bit further into the hall finding another bedroom with a bathroom attached, but no the master bathroom- which meant that would probably be where she was staying. There was another room that looked like it wasn't being used for anything, it was completely empty other then a lone broom sitting in the corner.

There was a turn in the hallway and Emily found another 2 rooms, she went into the first one and was surprised to find the room was larger than expected and had a pool table right in the middle, so that's how she got too good at it, and always managed to beat almost everyone she played. There was a dart board on the wall- surrounded by a lot of small holes from missed attempts.

This room was the first room Emily had found that had pictures of people hung on the wall. She walked around looking at them, none of them looked like they were before she turned 18 which made sense.

There were a few of JJ and team, several actually of her and who Emily knew was Elle Greenaway. The more she looked the more she realized that the pictures of JJ and Elle were professionally taken, and as the reached the last one on the wall Emily heart sunk.

It was JJ and Elle. Kissing. Emily felt a pang of jealousy but when she looked harder, she saw the picture looked like it was taken even before JJ had joined the BAU, that would mean JJ and Elle knew each other before the BAU. Emily decided now was not the time to bring up all her unresolved feelings for JJ and moved on to the next picture.

After no more pictures of JJ with past partners Emily left thew room making sure to close the door behind her. She opened the door to what she thought was a second room, but it was another set pf stairs leading into what Emily assumed was the attic.

Emily couldn't resist the urge and walked up the long steep stairs, and was in fact met with an attic, but what surprised Emily was a portion of the attic had been turned into what looked like an art studio. Emily walked over to where a large drop cloth was set onto the floor, there was a table filled with paints and brushes, there was another drop cloth draped over some large canvas that was even taller than her probably by 2 feet.

Emily walked forward carful not to trip over any bunched-up drop cloth. She stood on her toes and grabbed one corner of the drop cloth covering the canvas peeling it away, her jaw dropped at the sight in front of her.

Covering the canvas from top to bottom was a beautiful landscape. There was a large pond surrounded by trees, swings of all different kinds on all sides, there were patches of flowers and the longer Emily looked the more detail she could see. On a bench next to the pond a big book was sitting open, off in what looked like the back of the painting sitting on what looked like a floating table were 2 faceless children, one had long blond hair in braids, the other had short brown hair.

Emily realized that since JJ had never mentioned painting that she didn't want anyone to know, so Emily did her best to put the drop cloth over it though she did have to use the stool that was sitting there.

With one last look at the attic while she now noticed had a lot of paintings leaning against walls or just stacked on top of each other.

Emily was making her way through the hall and down to the main floor when she heard a crash and the sound of glass breaking come from somewhere downstairs. She started running but kept her footsteps light as not to scare anyone. She ran through the house to where she thought she heard the noise from, which was hard when she didn't know the layout.

She found herself outside a room where she could hear someone moving around. Cautiously she opened the door and found JJ sitting on her bed tears running down her face, a large gash visible on her thigh. I quick scan of the room told Emily that something- she didn't know what- had fallen off JJs dresser shattering, and JJ had probably tried to clean up cutting herself in the process.

Emily rushed over to where JJ was sitting, grateful she had yet to take of her shoes. "Ok, your gonna be okay. Do you have a first aid kit?" Emily asked

JJ nodded and pointed towards the door leading into the master bathroom. Emily stepped into the bathroom looking in all the cabinets under both of the two sinks before she found the kit and she went back out to JJ.

"I'm just gonna clean this up. It will only take a second" Emily reached out to hold JJs leg in a place and JJ flinched away at the contact eyes full of panic. "Hey, its just me. Emily. Your safe, this will only take a second" Emily reached for JJs leg again JJ flinched again but allowed Emily to clean up the wound.

JJ rocked slightly as Emily cared to the cut. She knew logically Emily would never hurt her, but her mind told her everything was a threat, and Emily's hand on her thigh felt much to like being back with those men.

JJ hated it, but she remembered everything that happened in vivid detail. Scarily vivid detail. She could still feel their hands all over her body, or still felt like she was being hit, even if everything was healing. JJ shower was short, sometimes water made her panic, it reminded her of all the times she had been water boarded, it felt like she was drowning.

"Hey, don't go back there. You're here, in your house. you're safe" Emily's voice said interrupting her thoughts

JJ shook herself out of it, Emily was right, she didn't need to go there. JJ scanned the room looking for something to distract herself. Her eyes landed on some of the broken glass on the floor. After JJ had gotten out of the shower and changed-painfully- into a clean hoodie and pajama shorts, she had walked over to her dresser to grab a pair of socks. She must had not been paying attention and when she turned around her arm knocked off a glass bat, she had shattering into a million pieces.

JJ wasn't sure why she was crying, the cut she had got trying to clean it up didn't even hurt that bad compared to the rest of her, and she wasn't super sad about the bat, she had another one on the other end of the dresser. She just… felt like crying.

In reality she did know why she was crying. I mean you can only shove down emotions for so long. She knew she would snap soon, having the breakdown everyone was waiting for, wasn't like she hadn't had one before. she only hoped Emily wasn't there to witness it- it wouldn't be pretty.

By the time JJs came back to reality her leg was bandaged and the glass on the floor was gone, making her wonder how long she had been zoned out. She finally saw Emily who was standing in the doorframe.

"Do you want to talk. If not, we can wait till morning" Emily voice was gentle giving JJ an odd sense of comfort.

JJ knew she didn't want to talk tonight; in fact, it was the last thing she wanted to do. "No- um. I want to wait. Till morning. Sorry I'm keeping you up so late. You can stay in the guest room, I'll um show you where it is." JJ tried to stand up but Emily had walked over and pushed her back down.

"I know where it is JJ. You need your rest" Emily said and once again started walking towards the door "If you or Ben need anything at all come and wake me up"

Emily walked out of the bedroom closing the door, truth be told she didn't want to leave JJ, but if she was up in the guest room then she would be close to Ben and JJ could always text or call her if she needed her, something Ben couldn't do.

JJ watched as Emily left the room and felt a pang of sadness. From the moment JJ had set eyes on Emily her heart fluttered, and the more she got to know her the more she fell into the trap that is Emily Prentiss.

Of course, it would never work out, JJ had only had one girlfriend in her life Elle, who she was with officially from a little after she turned 18 unofficially since she was 17, it was pure coincidence that they had both ended up at the BAU they were the same age and went to the academy together, but had been unsigned to different units for the first year, When Elle joined the BAU they weren't dating. They were engaged.

Whenever someone asked about their rings they answered vaguely, hoping to keep their relationship a secret, the only people who knew were Hotch and Penelope. Hotch had to know and Penelope- well she just found out.

They got married at the courthouse a few months into Elle working at the BAU and still kept it secret. JJ knew about Elle's decision to leave the BAU and fully supported her. They stayed married for a while after Elle left, for almost an entire year. Emily hadn't come to the BAU yet so there were no issues between them. But after a while they made the mutual decision to get a divorce.

It was clean there were no hard feelings, it was simply time for them to go separate ways, Elle was going to get a job as a detective somewhere in Texas and JJ stayed it the BAU. JJ stopped wearing her ring which thankfully no one mentioned, an took down any pictures of her and Elle thar might look they were in a relationship. Actually, she had left one. She should probably take that down. If they ever crossed paths they would still go and have lunch together just to keep up with the others life.

JJ hoped if she married Emily- Okayyyyy we need to stop right there… we may be getting a bit ahead of ourselves. Let's move on shall we.

JJ leaded back onto her headboard afraid to sleep, out of fear of a nightmare, she knew sleep couldn't be avoided forever but one night without them would do her good. She looked around her room the pictures nightstand would normally remind her of the good things in life.

But tonight, it did just the opposite, there was a picture of her and Luke posed intentionally ridiculous in front of a mural on the outside of a snow cone place they used to really like to go to.

Used to

JJ bounced out of her bed grabbing her blanket and a book, she tiptoed through the house, unlocking the back door. The cold air shocked her and she was very glad she brought a blanket with her, she sat on her porch swing and look out over her large backyard, her pool was covered for the winter but as soon as it hit summer, she would teach Ben how to swim, since he had never had the opportunity.

JJ always came outside when she was overwhelmed, she knew that breakdown was inevitable and coming, but sitting outside would at least… delay it.

Unexpectedly snow started steadily falling.

Luke loved the snow.

……………….………

A/N: well that was… a thing I wrote. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this chapter, I'm either really proud of it, or sleep deprived, or both. If you liked it or didn't please let me know

I tried to make this chapter longer then the others because of those 2 that were a little short and ended up making it double the length then the others

Stay hydrated folks

Reviews are appreciated but not required;)