No one in the house was sleeping. Ben had woken only a few minutes after Emily left the room not from any reason other than unfamiliar surroundings, he was now looking out his window, he had never seen snow before, hell it was rare for him to see anything outside. Emily was sitting up in the guest room, texting Penelope for things she would need from her house, Emily would have gotten the stuff herself but she didn't want to leave JJ and Ben alone. And JJ was still sitting outside in the freezing cold air.

after a while Emily couldn't shake off the feeling that she needed to go check on JJ, so she exited her room and made her way back to where she remembered JJ room was, but when she got there and the door was wide open panic seeped into her.

Emily hastily searched the house for JJ, trying not to think of the worst. it was for what left like the thousandth time a problem that she didn't know the Layout of JJs house, she opened doors not bothering to see what was in the rooms, just if JJ was there. Just when Emily was ready to move to checking the upstairs, she saw a light coming from outside the back of the house.

Emily walked towards the back of the house so see where the light was coming from, the closer she got she realized that it was a porch light. Who would be outside in this weather? Then she realized it could only be one of two people, JJ and Ben.

Emily rushed towards the door, neither of them needed to be outside. Emily was relieved when the door was unlocked, and she threw it open. The cold air rushed into the house and Emily slammed the door behind her, not thinking about anything other then how cold she was.

A small whimper came from beside her and Emily turned to see JJ swing slightly on a porch swing, wrapped in a blanket, shaking violently and looking like she was holding back tears. Emily immediately forgot about her own temperature and rushed to crouch in front of JJ.

In the new light Emily could see how bad JJ looked, her lips were already blue, and the blanket that was supposed to keep her warm had a thin layer of snow on it, making JJ colder than she would be without it. Emily ignored the flinch as she pulled both of JJs hands away form where they were sitting under her chin pulling JJ into a standing position blanket falling to the ground.

"Come on we're going inside." Emily said firmly. She had no idea what possessed JJ to come outside in the snow without proper clothes.

JJ yanked her hands away from Emily taking a step away, not out of anger that Emily was making her go inside, but out of fear. From the time Emily slammed the door JJ knew she was mad, and she had good reason. JJ had gone outside without telling her. Ok maybe she didn't have good reason, but JJ was still scared, of what Emily might go to her.

Emily didn't notice JJ reaction and just once again grabbed one of JJs wrist and pulled her towards the door while JJ tried to get away. Once inside Emily once again slammed the door and JJ froze. Emily was really mad.

Emily dragged her through the house into the kitchen and JJ stood awkwardly in the corner of the counter while Emily opened cabinets. After looking through all the cabinets Emily gave up on her search for whatever she was looking for and turned back to JJ.

"JJ what on earth were you thinking, its nearly sub-zero out there, you know you can't do that. You're in shorts for gods' sake." Emily's voice scared JJ and she pushed herself until the counter was digging into her on both her hips.

"God, you're going to get sick, how long were you even out there." Emily reached to brush her hair out of her face and JJ violently flinched. She turned her so her side was towards Emily, shoulders rising next to her ears, hands moved in protectively in front of her chest, and her faced was tuned braced for impact.

All anger drained from Emily. JJ thought she was going to hit her. Emily left horrible guilt, she had gotten mad at JJ and yelled at her without thinking about that it might trigger her.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that," Emily apologized "Can I touch you. I promise I'm not going to hurt you."

JJ shoulders dropped and she shook her head. That breakdown might be coming sooner then she thought. JJ pushed past Emily as tears welled up in her eyes, she needed to get away from Emily, but knew she couldn't go back outside. She quickly found herself, not in her bedroom but in her shower.

JJ turned on the water in her large shower as hot as it could go, and slid down the wall. the change in temperature shocked her senses for a moment but she adjusted, thankful for the warmth. She could hear Emily's voice on the other side of the bathroom door but ignored it. So there JJ sat, fully clothed sitting in the bottom of her shower.

Emily banged on the bathroom door hoping JJ would give in and let her in. When she didn't Emily started thinking of other ways to get into the bathroom. She could kick the door in, but that seemed to be a bit over the top, she searched around a key, not even thinking as she looked through JJ drawers.

JJ sat in on the floor as the water hit her, sometimes a shower would trigger her, and sometimes they were just what she needed.

JJ eyed the razor sitting on a ledge., it would be so easy just to cut a few times on her stomach and she would be calm again. So, she did. JJ reached for the razor, spun it a few times in her hand before lifting her shirt. She held the razor onto her skin, not thinking twice as she did somethings she hadn't in months. If she held the razor at just the right angle and pressed down hard, she could slice her skin without taking the razor apart.

JJ made the first cut and felt instant relief, with every cut it was like more energy was draining out of her. Her plan was just to make a few small cuts just enough to calm her down, but she found she couldn't stop, were now nearly a dozen long cuts across her stomach, the hat water washing away all the blood.

And that's how Emily found her.

Emily had given up om finding a key and instead used her lock picking skills you so rarely used. When she finally unlocked the door, she wasn't quite sure what to do. JJs head snapped up at the sound on an intruder and she began panicking when she saw Emily hiding the razor behind her back falsely hoping Emily didn't see anything, she then realized that her stomach was still bleeding and she couldn't exactly cover that up.

Emily wasted no time running across the bathroom and climbing into the shower with JJ not caring that the water was burning her. She said nothing and she pulled JJ hand out from behind her back and taking away the razor as JJ broke out into sobs.

Emily stood carful not to slip pulling JJ up with her, JJ leaned heavily on Emily because of her shaking legs as she stepped out of the shower onto a bath mat.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I- I don't know" JJ said between sobs as Emily lowered her to the floor.

"it's gonna be okay, I'm not mad, but you need to get out of these clothes" Emily said looking around for towels, and found the closet full of them, grabbing 2 body towels and a few washcloths.

JJ tried to take her hoodie off, but it was wet and she was shaking. "I- I can't. It's not working" JJ said and started crying more.

Emily reached out for her and raised JJs arms pulling the hoodie off of her. Under other circumstances Emily would have been happy to be undressing JJ, but know was not the time for those thoughts.

Emily let JJ remove her own shorts afraid it would trigger her if she did it, JJ struggled for a while but go them off, leaving her just in her boxers and sports bra. Emily stood and got the first aid kit from where she found it the last time and came back to sit in front of JJ who now had a towel draped over her shoulders.

JJ didn't even move as Emily disinfected the cuts on JJs stomach, Emily could tell JJ was disassociated whether it was on purpose or not she didn't know. There were numerus scars telling Emily it wasn't the first time JJ had cut themselves. Once all the cuts were cleaned and some of the worse ones bandaged, Emily stood to find JJ new clothes.

It didn't take long, she knew where most things were from looking for a key, she grabbed two of everything, her and JJ were the same size which meant Emily could borrow some of JJ things to get out of her wet clothes.

She came back to find JJ still zoned out and Emily found herself grateful for it, it would be easier to handle the situation if JJ didn't quite know what was happening.

Emily grabbed a towel and started drying off herself over her clothes, mainly her hair and face, once she was done, she went into the toilet closet changing quickly out of her clothes not wanting to leave JJ for long. She came back out and wiped up some of the water on the floor, before getting back onto the floor next to JJ.

"JJ, come back to me, you're here at your house. your safe." Though at the moment Emily wasn't so sure that was true.

JJ eyes changed and Emily could tell she was back in the present. "I'm so sorry em, I just wanted to stop panicking for a second. I won't do it again." Tears once again started rolling down JJs face.

"Don't be sorry, it's okay. You go change then sit on the bed, I'll be there in on second"

JJ followed the instructions and left Emily alone in the bathroom. As soon as JJ was gone Emily's mind started going a million miles an hour. She legally was supposed to report the incident to hotch or Strauss. She wouldn't unless it happened again. In order to stop it from happening again Emily went around the room taking every razor and throwing them in the back out. After wiping down the floors and garbage tying it up so JJ couldn't just take them cleaning up a bit, she took a few deep breaths before going and talking to JJ.

JJ was sitting on the edge of her bed dressed in fresh dry clothes and Emily took a seat beside her.

"You know we need to talk about what just happened" Emily said softly

JJ sniffled and nodded her head "I know, I'm sorry"

"Do not apologize to me again" Emily looked over at JJ who was staring at the floor and wringing her hands. "Look I'm not mad, and there's nothing to be sorry for. You have been through so much JJ, not just recently but all your life, and I don't think you have given yourself time to heal. I just wish you would have talked to me, maybe I could have helped"

JJ looked up at Emily through cloudy vision. "Luke is dead and it's all my fault" it was the first time JJ had said it out loud and it hit her like a pile of bricks.

"JJ. No. it's not your fault, it only the fault of Bro Jesse and his men"

"But they only killed him because of me" JJ started sobbing gasping in between each sob

Emily couldn't resist anymore and she pulled JJ into her lap, like she had days ago in their hotel room. JJ sobbed into Emily's neck, letting herself be comforted by her presence.

"I don't know how to live" JJ admitted

"I know, and you have every right to feel that way. It's going to hard for a long, long time. It doesn't get better; you just relearn how to live with such big changes. And no matter what you do or who you are, me and the team, and Ben will always be here fore you."

JJ thought on Emily's words: Why does this hurt more then when Ros died, it shouldn't. all those things they told me in 'The downstairs isn't true I don't need to change. I cant change.

...

A/N: and that folks is the end. don't worry though there will be a sequel started soon, my plan was to make it all one fic but i think separating it had made it a lot less overwhelming

thank you more everyone who reviewed or favorited, or followed. y'all have been my whole motivation. so thank you to much.

the sequel will pick up right where this left off so don't worry.

stay hydrated folks

and for the last time for this fic

reviews are appreciated but to required ;)