четырнадцать (Fourteen)

2009

"It's not real, Yelena."

"It's real to me!"

Natalia and Yelena argued and fought just like any sisters, just like any siblings. At the moment they were having another one of their infamous arguments that seemed to be quite a frequent occurrence, Sascha realized. She had bared witness to several of these such occurrences - Natalia seeming to draw away further whenever Yelena tried to draw closer, hence why she was so drawn and open to Sascha - and she had only been with the family for several months.

Had it already been that long since they'd found her? Since they had freed her? Again, Yelena's words from that mission, from that day played themselves over in her head:

"I came to set you free."

We came to set you free...

I came to set you free...

It felt so long and yet so short at the same time - a perfect paradox.

"I don't want to be just a killer anymore," Nat snapped. "I want to be more than that." Then she gave a sharp nod in Sascha's direction. "And your new best friend isn't much better off."

Sascha glanced up from the magazine she had been reading. You didn't need to be a strictly trained spy to realize that she hadn't been focused on reading and had, of course, been listening. She was right there, after all. "Our situations were different: in my case, we were at war, I was at war. I saw what the Nazis could do at their worst - I wanted to stop them by any means necessary. The Room liked that."

"I can imagine they did."

"Our situations were vastly different - are vastly different."

"They wanted all of us to be the best," Yelena piped up.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you suffered because of that."

Nat may have shrugged, but the movement was so small and brief it was hard, impossible even, to tell for sure. "It made me who I am."

"Like Melina says," Yelena added. "'Your pain makes you stronger'."

"That's true. She's very wise, your Mama." Sascha went back to mindlessly flipping through the magazine - again, she hadn't really been paying attention before, more focused on the sisters' argument and what it was about this time. It always had the same roots, but the trigger was different every time. She noticed Nat's jaw clench at her words. "You will always be a killer, Natalia Romanova-" She didn't miss the look of alarm that crossed the redhead's face at this. "-But not only that. That is what you were trained in, raised to be, so it will always be with you, always be a part of you buried deep inside. But you are more than just what the Red Room made you, Natalia. Even if you were born there, you are still you before they lay their foundation out to you. Keep that in mind. It's helped me through some really tough, dark times."

Natasha said nothing and left them. Sascha liked to think she was pondering what she had said.

"I like what you said," Yelena told her.

She nodded. "It's taken me a long time to realize it myself, but it's true. Only you can truly decide who you are."

"Hmm." Yelena smiled and nodded. Then she stood and headed into the kitchen, bringing a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. "I think we should have a toast, to that."

Sascha wasn't about to say no to that. "Good idea."

Yelena poured the glasses and held one out to Sascha. "Cheers - to our lives, and our choices."

Sascha raised her glass. "L'chaim!"

They touched glasses and drank their toast, both bursting into fits of giggles and in turn spluttering and spitting their mouthfuls of vodka all over each other.

'To life' indeed.

A few nights later, Sascha found herself in the now familiar situation of being unable to sleep through the night yet again, and so Yelena once again found her awake in the middle of the night.

She filled the kettle. "I find that tea helps me when I can't sleep - and it's probably better for the job than vodka."

Sascha set down the bottle and shrugged.

"Pains again?" Sascha only nodded. Yelena sat down next to her. Sascha guessed she was about to reach out and start rubbing her slow, soothing circle's on the aching woman's temples once again, but then she said, "You know, Melina also taught me something else that is supposed to make you feel better."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It's when you get hurt, that when you're hurt, kissing the hurt better helps make it feel better..."

Now Sascha blinked back at her - was the blonde implying what she thought she was implying...

Yelena then reached out and took Sascha's cheeks in both hands, like she did when she did the rubbing circles on her temples. But instead of doing that usual soothing method, she leaned in, first pressing a gentle kiss to Sascha's forehead, then more gentle, feather-like kisses across the length of her forehead and over and down to each of her temples. When she gently kissed the tip of Sascha's nose, Sascha squeezed her eyes shut, scrunched up her nose and giggled, in turn making Yelena laugh as well.

"Feel better?"

"I'm starting to, yes."

"Good." A pause, then, "I've never thought of you as my sister," Yelena admitted. "Never seen you as another sister."

"I've never seen you that way, either."

"Oh?" Now Yelena raised her eyebrows almost challengingly - no, definitely in a challenging way. "And, how do you see me?"

"I don't want to overstep..." But Yelena had just kissed her all over her face just now...

Yelena's eyebrows lifted higher. "I dare you to try."

Sascha didn't need any more encouragement than that and began to lean in, Yelena following. She closed the gap first, pressing her lips to Sascha's.

When they pulled away, both were smiling. A good sign, Sascha thought. "It's been a while - decades. I'm way out of practice."

Yelena smirked a little. "I don't have much practice myself."

"We could help each other practice."

Now the blonde chuckled. "I like the way you think, Sascha Shostakov."

"I'm still not used to that name." They both leaned in again, faces close, noses almost touching, barely brushing each other.

"You're one of us now." They leaned in to kiss again.

Suddenly, light blasted into the room - into the whole house - blindingly bright from outside, startling them, unmistakable.

Searchlights.

"They're here!"

"They've found us!"

Melina and Alexei were stumbling sleepily out of their room and into the dark yet strikingly bright hall.

"Who?"

"What?" Yelena and Sascha sprung up off the couch almost in perfect sync.

"The Red Room!"

"Dreykov!"

"Who else?!"

"Go, get out of here!" Melina yelled.

"But-" Yelena tried to protest.

"GO! Get your sister and go! Sascha, get them out of here!"

"On it!"

"Natasha? Natasha?!" Yelena was calling. But there was no sign of her. "Natasha!"

But there was no answer from the redhead either - there was no answer because she was gone.

So I imagine this is Nat leaving her family and going on the run, when S.H.I.E.L.D. sends Clint out to take her down (Budapest!) and instead helps her and the whole thing with Antonia, and Clint recruits Nat to S.H.I.E.L.D. - just to set the scene a little!

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! :)