As everyone finished up their meal, Elizabeth quickly started to clear away the empty dishes and took them to a large tub of water where she could later wash them. "Are you finished, Ryland?"
Ryland handed her two empty plates. "Yes, Miss Elizabeth. Thank you for supper this evening. I have to admit, meals have gotten a lot tastier since you came aboard."
Elizabeth laughed lightly. "Thank you."
She went to go retrieve more empty dishes, but then the two plates slipped out of her hands and completely shattered when they hit the wooden floor.
Elizabeth gasped and froze for a split second before quickly kneeling down to pick up the broken shards. "I'm so sorry," she said softly. "I'm sorry, I'll clean this up, I promise. I'm sorry."
Caspian got up from his seat at one of the tables. "Here, let me get that for you."
But as soon as Caspian got near her, Elizabeth flinched, dropped all of the pieces of broken plate she'd picked up, and held her hands up in front of her face.
Caspian stopped walking, surprised at the sudden reaction to his offer to help.
Elizabeth slowly lowered her hands as she realized what she'd automatically done. She could feel the eyes of every single person in the galley directly on her.
Embarrassed and overwhelmed at all of the unwanted attention, Elizabeth did the only thing she could do. She ran out of the galley, up the stairs, and into Caspian's chambers where she firmly slammed the door behind her. Once inside the room, she frantically rushed inside a very tiny closet. Normally, she hated small, dark spaces like this, but at the moment, it was the only place where she could cut herself off from the world and feel safe from all those stares in the galley.
Elizabeth sank down against the closed door in tears. She was exhausted trying to pretend that everything was okay and that she wasn't constantly afraid that she would do something wrong. There were some days where it took all of her energy just to smile at other people.
And now none of it even mattered because everyone on the ship had seen through her carefully crafted façade. She had never felt so exposed and utterly defenseless.
"Elizabeth?" a soft voice said from outside the closet.
Elizabeth didn't answer Caspian, humiliated at how he had just seen her.
"Elizabeth, will you please open the door?"
She knew that she should get up to her feet and step out of the closet since he was the king and it would be a disgrace to refuse him, but she couldn't get herself to move. She was surprised he didn't just open the door himself. She hadn't been able to lock it.
"Okay, I won't force you. But…I want to help you. I want to understand. Will you just…talk to me?"
What could she say? She'd never told anyone what had happened to her. How could she? Then people would truly know the depth of her brokenness.
Caspian lightly put his hand on the closet door. "Elizabeth, I can't make you talk to me. But…I want you to know that…whenever you're ready, I'll be here to listen to you."
Elizabeth pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Something about how gently he spoke, how gentle he had been with her since she'd set foot on the ship, how much he'd fought for her and tried to protect her, made her want to open up to him. But could she?
She could hear Caspian start to walk away.
"I didn't…used to be this way," she said before she could stop herself.
Though Caspian didn't respond, Elizabeth could see his shadow under the door to indicate that he was still there.
She took a deep breath, knowing there was no going back now. "When I was eighteen, I got a job as a housekeeper for an older couple, a war veteran and his wife who was a nurse at the nearby hospital. Everything was fine at first…"
Ready to begin her job as a live-in housekeeper, Elizabeth showed up at the place where she was now employed. She had previously met with Martin, a decorated veteran of World War I, and his wife Diana, an army nurse who now worked at the hospital, and they were a very nice couple whom she was eager to begin working for.
They had explained to her that with Diana's busy work schedule and Martin's injury he had received in the war, it would be difficult for them to keep up with the house, cook meals, and run errands. Elizabeth was happy to take on that responsibility for them.
The first couple of weeks were pleasant enough. While the house was rather small, there were still many chores she had to complete daily in addition to cooking breakfast, lunch, and supper and readying tea and snacks for teatimes. While Diana worked odd hours at the hospital, Martin usually remained at home. His multiple medals had earned him great respect in the community and amongst the military, but his injury had prevented him from finding another job. Being unable to fight in the current war, having to stay home while his wife went to work, and having a female housekeeper do the things he could no longer do himself was all a large blow to his pride. And unfortunately, the longer Elizabeth worked in the house, the more often he took his anger out on her.
The first day things started to go wrong was the day she forgot to pick up his medicine from the pharmacy on her way home.
"It's about time," Martin said from the couch in the living room as he heard her come in. "I was supposed to take my pills two hours ago."
Elizabeth's heart sank. "Oh, I knew I forgot something."
"You forgot?"
"I'm so sorry, I can go back out and pick them up right now."
Martin got up from the chair and stormed over to her. Then to her shock, he roughly slapped her across the face. "You were supposed to have them in my hand this afternoon. It's your responsibility to make sure that I'm taking my medications on time. If you had stayed focused instead of wasting your time with your head in the clouds, then neither of us would be in this situation."
Elizabeth took a shaky breath. "I'm…sorry. I…"
"Just don't bother with it now. Go start making supper. Diana's supposed to be home soon, and I want her to be able to sit and eat the moment she walks through the door. You can get my medication tomorrow, and so help you, girl, if you forget again."
Her cheek still stinging from the slap, Elizabeth made her way into the kitchen to put away her groceries and cook the evening meal. She would have to be better at her job. It was her fault that she forgot his medication, but hopefully, this whole incident would just be a one-time thing.
From that day on, Elizabeth tried to be extra careful with her errands so she didn't forget anything important again, and she always made sure that Martin took his medications on time and had plenty still in the cabinets so he never missed any.
Even though she gave her very best efforts, Martin started to become irritated with smaller and smaller details. If she was even one minute late with his tea, he berated her. If she missed one speck of dust in one of the rooms, he took away some of her monthly pay. If she made something for dinner containing an ingredient he didn't like, he hit her.
One day when she was washing the dishes from breakfast, she went to put one of the plates away in the cabinet, but it slipped from her hands and shattered onto the floor. Her heart practically stopped beating and she froze in place.
Martin came into the kitchen and looked upon the scene. His eyes burning with fury, he walked over to her, snatched a handful of her hair, and dragged her out of the kitchen.
"I'm so sorry!" she pleaded, trying to grab onto his hands to relieve some of the pain from his rough hold. "It was an accident, I promise! I'll clean it up!"
Martin opened the door to a small coat closet and threw her inside. "You'll stay in here until you learn to respect other people's possessions."
"No!" She ran up to the door as he slammed it closed and locked it. The only light was the tiny sliver that peeked in from the opening at the bottom. Elizabeth banged on the door, but it refused to open. In tears, she sank down against it, wondering how long Martin would leave her locked in here. She would have to tell Diana about this and about everything he'd done to her. The kind woman couldn't possibly stand for it, and she would make sure that Martin never hurt her again. Or she would just have to quit and find another home to work in. No matter how much she messed up, she didn't deserve this kind of treatment.
After several hours of sitting in the pitch blackness, the door unlocked and swung open. Elizabeth squinted her eyes in the harsh new light and went to stand up, but before she could, Martin stepped inside and clutched her face in his hand.
"Now, you listen here, girl. I know what you're thinking. But if you decide to quit, I will make sure that you never find work again, as a housekeeper or otherwise. You will be reduced to begging on the streets for coins, hoping that someone drops a scrap of food for you to eat. And don't think that you can tell Diana or anyone else about this either. It would just be my word against yours. And who do you think everyone is going to believe? A war hero with more honors and medals than you could even count, or an inexperienced female housekeeper? Mark my words, if I find out that you've told anyone, I will deny it all and then I will pay you back in kind for it. This is your home now and will be for years to come." He roughly released her face from his hold. "It's late. Diana is working an overnight shift and won't be home until the morning. Get up to your room and get some sleep so you're ready to make her breakfast early tomorrow. Go."
Weak with hunger from missing supper and feeling more hopeless than she'd ever felt in her life, Elizabeth slowly exited the closet and trudged upstairs to her room which now seemed more like a prison.
That day didn't end up being the only time she was forced into the closet or went without a meal, and the abuse only continued to get worse. But Martin was also careful and made sure that Diana never suspected anything. If Elizabeth walked into the room with a new bruise, Martin quickly made up an excuse that she'd hurt herself either on an errand or completing her chores, and Elizabeth never tried to correct him and tell Diana what had really happened.
Not even when Elizabeth had to go to the hospital for a broken arm after Martin pushed her down the stairs did Diana ever realize that something wasn't right back at home. And then Martin docked the medical expenses from her pay.
One afternoon at the market, Elizabeth struggled to carry all of her groceries with her one good arm.
"Can I help you with that, dear?" the owner of one of the vegetable stands said to her. "You look like you're having trouble."
"It's all right, I can handle it," Elizabeth answered, afraid Martin might be angry if he found out she received help from anyone.
"Oh, I won't have any of that. Here, let me carry your basket for you while you pick out what you need." Without giving her any time to protest, the older woman gently took the basket from her. "Do you mind if I ask how you picked up an injury like that?"
Elizabeth opened her mouth to answer. She wanted so badly to tell this kind woman everything she'd been enduring at Martin's hands since she'd started working there. She wanted someone to help her get out of the house and out from his abuse. She wanted someone to listen.
But Martin's words rang in her ears. If she told anyone, they wouldn't believe her and he would only hurt her more for it.
Standing in the middle of the crowded market, she had never felt more alone.
"I was clumsy," she finally said. "That's all."
Living in the house got progressively worse, and Elizabeth lived in a constant state of fear that whatever she did would be something that set Martin off. He began to frequently force her to skip meals and he refused to let her leave the house except on a very strict schedule of three times per week and only for an hour at a time. She'd learned very quickly to not be even one minute late. On the evenings when Diana and Martin ate dinner together while Elizabeth served them, Diana usually talked about exciting patients she'd been able to treat or reported on another's prognosis. Elizabeth listened very carefully to everything Diana shared so that she might be able to treat her own wounds that Martin inflicted on her. It turned out to be a good thing she did because when Martin dislocated her shoulder, she knew exactly how to pop it back into place herself.
But Martin's horrible treatment of her didn't stop at the physical abuse. Every single day, he made sure to remind her how she was lucky to be working for someone like him, how she could never survive on her own, how worthless and unattractive she was, how it was her own fault that he hit her, and how she deserved everything he did to her.
One morning, Martin became so angry and disgusted when he caught her trying to get a bloodstain out of her sheets that he threw her into the closet once again and then became careless when he forgot to release her before he went to sleep that night.
Curled into a ball in the dark closet, Elizabeth wondered if Martin was right and she really did deserve this. If she mattered, wouldn't someone have realized something was wrong with her long before now? Wouldn't someone have noticed how she always seemed to have a new injury or how skinny she had become?
She was surrounded by people when she went to the market or when Diana and Martin hosted a dinner party every few months, and yet no one had ever picked up on how she tried to sneak some food because she didn't know if she would be able to eat that day or how she slightly trembled when she served Martin or how scared she looked when the night was over.
Maybe…she really was worthless.
The door to the closet opened, and Elizabeth squinted her eyes.
"Elizabeth?" Diana said softly, freezing in the act of hanging her coat up. "What…what are you doing in here?"
Elizabeth didn't know how to answer her. Martin usually took care of these kinds of questions.
Diana knelt down in front of her and looked at her face. "How did you get this cut on your forehead?"
Elizabeth's eyes watered, but she still didn't say anything.
Swallowing hard, Diana stood up. "Elizabeth, go and pack your things. Now."
The young woman slowly rose to her feet and went upstairs to her room. It was like Martin said, wasn't it? Diana thought that she was responsible for this and was going to kick her out of the house. Elizabeth wasn't sure where she would go, especially at such a late hour, or where she would live now. If she truly was getting kicked out, Martin would most likely fulfill his promise of making it so that she never found work again.
Tears trailing down her cheeks, she hesitantly packed all of her clothing and what few possessions she owned into her one suitcase. Then she slipped on her thin coat and went back downstairs where Diana waited for her with her own coat back on.
"Let's go," the woman said quickly.
Elizabeth didn't know why Diana didn't just kick her out the door and send her on her way, but she obediently followed her out of the house.
The two of them walked in silence for about an hour until Diana stopped them, walked up to a small residential house near the town, and knocked on the door.
A woman who looked to be the same age as Diana irritably answered it. "What do you possibly want this late at night, Diana?"
"You said you were looking for a housekeeper, right, Alberta?" Diana answered. "Well, here's one for you."
"Doesn't she work for you and your husband?"
"Not anymore. She's an exceptionally hard worker and she does everything she's asked without any complaint. You'll be lucky to have her taking care of your house and looking after your young son, trust me."
"Why couldn't this have waited until the morning?"
"It just couldn't."
Alberta sighed heavily as she looked Elizabeth over. "Well…all right, come on in. We'll discuss more about your employment here at a decent hour. There's a spare room you can stay in for the night."
Diana gently turned Elizabeth towards her, and Elizabeth was stunned when she saw tears in her eyes. "I am so, so sorry, Elizabeth. I think…a part of me knew that something wasn't right, but I didn't want to believe it. I should've done something long before now. Don't worry about my husband, I'll take care of it. He is not your problem anymore. I hope that one day you can forgive me for this."
Elizabeth tightly hugged her. "Thank you."
Diana easily could've pretended that she hadn't seen Elizabeth in the closet or she could've simply fired her on the spot and left her entirely on her own. But instead, even if she had tried to convince herself that everything was fine while she was at work, when faced with the painful truth, she immediately rectified the situation as best she could by giving Elizabeth a new job and a new home. Elizabeth was overwhelmed with the relief that she would never have to set foot in Martin's awful house again, and a part of her wondered if she was only imagining all of this.
"You'll be all right here. Alberta is a friend of mine, and I know that she and her husband, Harold, will treat you better than you were ever treated at my home. I'm…I'm sorry. Good-bye, Elizabeth."
"Good-bye, Diana."
Elizabeth stepped into the Scrubb household, hoping to put everything she'd been through behind her.
Caspian could not remember a time when his heart ached as much as it did now. Sitting on the floor with his back leaning against the closet door as he listened to Elizabeth tell him her story, his heart broke a little more with each part of it. He would never understand how someone could intentionally hurt a person as warm and kind as she was.
He now truly understood why she had not called for help back on the Lone Islands. Whereas he had trouble asking his men for help for fear of being seen as weak or unfit to be king, she never asked for help because she no longer trusted anyone to help her when she needed it the most.
Caspian hadn't said a word since Elizabeth had started speaking, not even during her long pauses, and while she appreciated his patience as she tried to explain everything, she now worried that all she'd confessed had changed his opinion of her.
"How long did you work there?" he finally asked quietly.
"Two years," she answered.
Caspian rubbed a hand over his face. Two years of living in that house, waking up every single day wondering if she was going to get hurt or locked in a closet or even be able to eat? "…Have you told anyone about this?"
"No. Not even Eustace knows the circumstances surrounding my sudden employment at his house."
Now it made sense to him why she never got angry or frustrated with Eustace despite his poor treatment of her. Compared to where she'd been previously, dealing with him was a blessing. "Elizabeth, it truly breaks my heart to know that you were forced to suffer like that for that long."
Elizabeth felt two more tears slip down her cheeks. She had spent so much time wanting to tell someone, anyone, what was happening behind Martin's closed doors, but she had been convinced that no one would believe her. Now, not only did someone believe her, he felt sympathy for her.
"I know that mere words won't be enough to undo the damage done to you or make you trust me, but…I can promise you that no one aboard the Dawn Treader will ever hurt you like that. And I will do my very best to ensure that no one else ever even thinks of touching you with the intention of hurting you again." Caspian stood up from his position against the door. "Come out whenever you feel ready. The decision to open the door is yours and yours alone. Take as much time as you need. Would you like me to wait?"
Elizabeth didn't answer as she very slowly stood up. She turned around and put her hand to the doorknob. Then after a few moments of hesitation, she slowly turned it and opened the door just enough for her to put one foot into the room. After so many times spent sitting in a closet and waiting for someone to open the door, this time, she was able to choose to open the door herself.
Though the action was small, it was enough for her to finally feel as if she was starting to gain back just a little of the control that had been stolen from her.
Caspian's heart tore even further when he saw the tears resting on Elizabeth's cheeks.
"Will you…not tell anyone else about this?" she asked quietly.
"I give my word that this conversation will stay between you and me," he answered. "And I'll ensure that no one asks you any questions about what happened today."
"Thank you."
"You can take some time for yourself if you'd like. The galley should be empty now, so you can get some food since you didn't eat earlier. I must get back to charting our course and figuring out what our next step is. If you need anything else, please let me know."
He started to walk away, but Elizabeth quietly called after him, "Caspian? Thank you…for listening."
"Elizabeth, I will always listen."
That night, Elizabeth lay on the makeshift bed on the floor, replaying the day's events in her head. Part of her felt so relieved to finally confess what had happened to her at her former employer's home, but the other part couldn't stop thinking about what had led up to that. Almost the entire crew had seen her reaction to the broken dish, and even if Caspian made sure that no one asked her about it, she knew they would still be curious.
She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't live the rest of her life untrusting of everyone and always afraid of what could happen to her if she made even a tiny mistake.
Elizabeth pulled out the page she'd torn from Coriakin's spell book. All this time, she'd been hesitant to use it, worried about the consequences of reciting a stolen spell. But after the day she'd had, she now knew that there was no other choice. She had to recite the spell. She needed to forget.
She looked at the words in fancy gold script:
"'By the petals of the dogwood tree
Let my mind be completely free
Wash away the sum of my regrets
And erase the things I'd rather forget'."
Almost immediately, Elizabeth felt lighter. It was a strange feeling to know something and then a moment later have no recollection of it. She didn't know what she'd forgotten, but it seemed to be a good thing she had.
Chatter and laughter sounded outside the double doors at the entrance to Caspian's chambers. Elizabeth got out of bed and walked over to them. When she opened the doors, she was faced with a bustling market of people selling their wares and making conversations with the various patrons. She knew she'd been here before, but she smiled at seeing it so much brighter and livelier than she remembered.
Elizabeth stepped into the market and began to examine the various foods and products available for purchase. She stopped at a stall selling bracelets and necklaces, recalling that she purposefully had never visited this one before though she couldn't remember why, and examined a thin gold chain with a small amethyst pendant.
"Do you like that one?" the owner of the stall asked. "It's not very expensive, but it's still so beautiful, isn't it?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, I don't have money on me right now, so I won't be able to purchase it."
"Oh, that's quite all right. I can set it aside for you for two days before it goes back up again. I just need to know your name."
"That's wonderful! My name is…" The young woman faltered. "Um…my name is…"
She couldn't remember her name.
"Are you all right, dear?"
She quickly left the stall and stumbled through the aisles of the market.
Why couldn't she remember her own name? She'd known it a second ago. And…how did she get here? She'd been somewhere else before, but…where? Hadn't she been with other people? Why couldn't she think of their names or their faces?
She quickly looked around her and realized she didn't know where she was now either. She couldn't remember anything.
She didn't know who she was.
Breathing erratically, she clamped her eyes shut and put her hands to her head. When she opened her eyes again, she was surrounded by nothing but whiteness as far as the eye could see.
A noise behind her made her jump and turn around.
Something walked towards her.
"Elizabeth."
In the span of one breath, the young woman named Elizabeth remembered everything. She knew who she was, where she'd come from, and how she'd gotten here.
The creature before her who'd said her name was a large lion. She knew that she should be scared of it, but she didn't feel any fear whatsoever. The only thing she felt was an overwhelming sense of warmth and safety.
"You're Aslan…aren't you?" she asked softly.
The lion nodded once and looked at her with the most loving and compassionate eyes she had ever seen.
"What just happened?"
"Your memories make you who you are. If you try to erase any one of them, you begin to strip yourself of your very identity."
Elizabeth could feel hot tears of shame in her eyes as she recalled reciting the spell she'd stolen from Coriakin. "I am afraid…all the time. I thought if I could just forget what happened to me…I'd be okay again. Is it really so wrong to want to forget what I went through?"
"Elizabeth, what you have endured was terrible, and it never should've happened to you. But if it hadn't, would you find yourself in Narnia now with people who care for you and want to help you? Would you have been able to help those people on the Lone Islands recover from their injuries? Would you have been able to help all of the crew members who needed assistance when the ship battled through the storm? Would you be able to so strongly recognize when someone is in dire need of help, even if it doesn't seem like it?"
Elizabeth had never considered any of that. The abuse she'd suffered at Martin's hands was awful, but it had also taught her how to care for various injuries, and not just the ones she had received. By listening to Diana's stories so intently and taking notes on them later, she'd discovered how to treat all kinds of wounds. It was a little different putting it into practice and she knew that she was far from being an expert, but she knew enough to still be able to offer her aid. And knowing what it was like to be unable to ask anyone for help, she could now clearly see when someone was internally struggling and needed intervention without them having to ask for it.
She didn't feel as if Aslan was trying to justify the abuse she'd suffered or make light of how much it affected her but instead allowed her to understand that she could still manage to pull some good out of such a horrifying situation.
"And when you regain your confidence, you will be stronger and more resilient than ever."
Elizabeth noticed that Aslan didn't say if she regained her confidence, but when. She didn't know if he could see the future or if he just had that much faith in her, but all the same, her heart filled with a deep hope she had thought herself incapable of feeling.
At that moment, Elizabeth's eyes sprang open and she found herself back in the makeshift bed inside Caspian's chambers. Despite waking up on the Dawn Treader, she knew that what she'd just seen had not been an ordinary dream. Not with how she'd felt in the Great Lion's presence and how his words had reached so deep inside her.
She sat up and looked at the page from the spell book in her hands. Then she slowly got up from the bed, went over to the fire, and carefully set the page inside the flames.
Meanwhile, Eva tossed and turned in Cassia's bed, having the same nightmare for the tenth time. She and Edmund happily trained in front of Aslan's How, the White Witch appeared in a wall of ice, she used sweet words to convince them to free her, and they fell under her spell and obliged.
After the Witch turned Edmund into stone, Eva ran forward with her sword in hand and attempted to steal the magic staff from her. However, with her scar reopened and her hand covered in blood, the Witch easily overpowered her and knocked her to the ground.
Eva winced and looked at the gaping and bleeding wound on her palm then up at the Witch advancing towards her with her dagger raised above her head.
The wound painfully throbbed and it was then that Eva realized that all this time she'd been allowing the scar to remind her of her weakness and her greatest failure which was exactly what the Witch wanted. She recalled what Caspian had told her before about his own scar: that it should serve as a reminder of who to trust when everything seemed hopeless.
With the Witch freed, Edmund turned to stone, and Eva rendered completely defenseless, she knew that there was only one creature who could possibly save any of them now.
Weak, scared, and in pain, Eva looked up at the White Witch and shouted as loud as she possibly could, "ASLAN!"
In a matter of seconds, the Great Lion ran up behind her and stood defensively between her and the Witch. The Witch held up her staff and prepared to turn Aslan into stone, but before she got the chance, Aslan roared so loudly and fiercely that Eva had to cover her ears. Then he pounced onto the Witch and defeated her once again.
Breathing heavily, Eva sagged completely onto the ground in relief. Aslan softly padded over to her and gently licked her bloody hand clean. All of the stinging pain vanished in an instant and the wound healed, leaving behind only a thin pale line.
Aslan then gently nuzzled her cheek, and Eva ran her hand through his warm mane, reveling in his incomparable love, warmth, and protection. After a few minutes of simply lying on the ground and enjoying being in his presence again, Aslan slowly helped her to her feet. Then he walked over to Edmund's stone form and breathed on it. Bit by bit, the stone disappeared and Edmund returned to his normal state with a deep inhale.
Eva rushed over to him and hugged him tightly. Keeping one arm around his waist, she turned to Aslan. "I'm so sorry, Aslan," she said quietly, tears coming to her eyes. "I failed you, Edmund, and all of Narnia. I don't deserve to be called a Lady, and definitely not a Lion-Hearted one."
"Dear one, I never expect you to be perfect and make the right choices all the time," he told her gently. "But even though you will make mistakes, there will never be anything you could do that will cause me to stop loving you. I will answer your every call and always come to your rescue. Don't look back on your past regrets, but look forward to me and trust that I will always be there for you whenever you need me."
Eva's eyes opened, and she found herself back in Cassia's bed with tears streaming down her cheeks. She sat up and noticed Elizabeth sitting in front of the fireplace, hugging her legs to her chest. Wiping away her tears, she got out of the bed and slowly came to sit next to her.
"Couldn't sleep?" she asked.
"Not really," Elizabeth answered, still looking at the fire. "But…in a good way, I think."
"Yeah. Me too."
Thanks to one of my best friends for creating the spell for me because rhyming is definitely not a strong suit of mine.