Chapter 4: Dreamworld
Day 2
"Did you sleep well, Yukinon?" a tired but cheerful voice asked as she opened her eyes to the morning sun.
"Yeah," she nodded, forcing a smile. The pain pills she had taken before dawn was working, a little too well in fact, as she could not seem to feel her legs - not that she had the luxury of caring about any pharmacological side-effects in her weak and pathetic state.
"Do you want some breakfast?" the pink-haired airhead asked again as she offered her a pack of leftover aircraft food, "I can feed you if you don't feel like getting up."
"Thanks, Yui, but I'm not hungry," she muttered, her attempts at dinner the night before having ended in an empty stomach and a messy puddle of blood and undigested matter that she had barely managed to bury under the snow when nobody was looking, "I can eat by myself if I want to. Maybe you should try feeding Hikigaya-kun instead."
"Huh?" Yui spluttered, almost dropping her meal in shock, "W-What are you saying, Yukinon? Why would I want to feed Hikki?"
"S-Sorry, just forget what I said," Yukino stammered, turning a bright shade of red, surprised and confused by her own words.
Why did I even say that? What was I even trying to convey? Hikigaya-kun is my boyfriend, for goodness' sake. This is so awkward.
"Are you feeling alright?" Yui questioned, staring at her in genuine concern and worry, "Are you sure you aren't sick or injured or–"
"I-I'm fine, just a little tired," she lied, unable to look her best friend in the eye. Perhaps due to the pills, she felt unusually fatigued, and all she wanted to do at that very moment was to go back to sleep, not that she could do anything else but be dragged along like a fragile, dependent, miserable piece of trash, a useless person who could not even crawl on the ground to save her own life.
"Sorry," she managed to mumble before closing her eyes, drifting helplessly into the beckoning darkness. Maybe she was better off gone after all, like the snow melting under the rising sun.
Hours passed like years as the icy plains seemed to stretch on forever. Progress was slow and excruciating, and as he shuddered in the brutal, unforgiving elements, Hachiman could only wonder to himself if they were stumbling around in circles once again in the howling winds and endless white.
Were they destined never to leave the mountain? What lay beyond the frost - civilisation and salvation, or wastelands of radiation, death and destruction?
These were the questions that looped in his mind as he continued to trudge forward in the footsteps of the silhouettes ahead, too tired to complain but to take one step at a time, too exhausted to open his mouth in the frigid blasts. All he knew was that he had chosen to trust the instincts of a certain young man for now, not because he believed him or trusted anyone, but because there was no one else he could depend on.
Countless painful breaths later, the sun finally completed its arc, sinking into the valleys below. In the crimson light of dusk, they stopped at the entrance of a cave - the depths of which were probably better left unexplored, and collapsed onto the cold, hard ground in a collective groan of exhaustion. A fire was set, and everyone huddled around for precious warmth, not that burning dried leaves, branches and pages from Shino's favourite book could provide much heat. Dinner was hastily eaten and thrown aside, and in the cold, speechless quiet, they found themselves exchanging blank glances and empty stares.
"Let's talk about something to keep our spirits up," Kirito began, raising his hand, "We'll need to get to know each other if we're to work together as a party."
"Maybe you should start with yourself," Hachiman grunted, unable to bring himself to be interested in idle conversation.
"A-Actually I've been meaning to ask," Kirito stammered, "Yukinoshita-san, have you or a close sibling of yours ever been involved in a game called 'Sword Art Online' by any chance?
A brief silence ensued as the rest of his party stared at him in muted surprise and puzzlement.
"No," came the soft reply in a voice that was weaker than usual.
"I see," he muttered, looking away in disappointment, "Thanks, and sorry for asking such a strange question."
"Now you've made me a little curious, Kirigaya-kun. I've heard of the death game in the news of course, but why do you ask?"
He paused for a moment, hesitating over his words before deciding to answer.
"This may sound a little weird, but you truly remind me of someone dear to me. I never managed to find out her real name, and for a moment there, I thought, no, hoped, that she had somehow survived, just like Asuna and myself despite shattering into a thousand blue shards. Sorry, Yukinoshita-san, for bringing up such a heavy subject."
"I'm sorry for your loss, Kirigaya-kun, but let me ask you a strange question in return. If you were given the chance to rewind time, would you redo the past?"
"Why not?" he replied in a heartbeat, "She never deserved to die, none of them did - and I'd promised that we'd all make it out of the game together. I tried so hard, I tried my very best, I even tried to revive her, I–"
He stopped, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists, unable to find the words.
"I-I don't know, Yukinoshita-san, maybe it isn't a fair question to ask when hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, I struggled for such a long time against fate and reality itself in those dark days, just to be utterly disappointed, depressed and broken, and as cruel and terrible as this sounds to Sachi, I've since grown and moved on with Asuna, and I cherish the present with Suguha, Rika, Keiko, Shino and Alice, I–"
"Thanks," she cut him short, having heard what she wanted to hear, "That was a good answer, and I truly appreciate your honesty. No matter how hard we try, letting go is never easy, even when we know it's the only thing we can do. I guess Asuna-san is a very lucky woman indeed."
The chestnut-haired girl could only giggle as Kirito scratched his cheek in embarrassment.
"Well, you and Hachiman go pretty well together too," he noted, chuckling as the couple squinted at each other, "Don't ask me how, I just feel that you do."
"Since we're on this topic," Asuna continued as she composed herself, "Komachi-chan, I hope you don't mind, but I do have a strange question to ask you too - have you or a close sibling of yours ever been involved in a game called 'ALfheim Online' and does the term [Mother's Rosario] ring any bells?"
"Why? Do I remind you of a friend as well?" Komachi laughed, only to stop when she saw the pained expression on the older girl's face, "Sorry, I've heard of that game but I've never played it myself."
"Sorry for asking such a weird question."
"It's okay, Asuna-san, whoever she is, she must've been very important to you for you to ask."
"She is indeed, Komachi-chan, not just to me, but to everyone here. She's the Zekken, the 'Absolute Sword' - the best player in the game and perhaps in all of ALO history - who fought till the very end, who changed my life and taught me to take my own destiny in my own hands."
"Wow, she sounds like an amazing person and a great heroine! Makes me feel like meeting and getting to know my doppelganger when we get out of here. Maybe she'll inspire me too when we see her next time!"
"S-Sorry, Komachi-chan, but s-she's–" Asuna sobbed, unable to complete her sentence.
"Forgive me, Asuna-san!" Komachi gasped, bowing in apology, "I didn't know–"
"It's my fault for asking in the first place," Asuna shook her head, wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks, "It's such a cruel question and I don't think I would've known how to react if you had said yes. We all saw her go, but I-I just thought that maybe, just maybe - she would somehow be alive and well in this twisted reality, free from the disease and suffering that had tormented her in the final years of her life."
"Asuna-san," Komachi bowed again in sincere gratitude, "Thanks for telling me, really. Hearing about her undying perseverance and admirable resolve makes me feel like living and fighting on to the very ends of the earth too. I'm sure that's what she would've wanted us to do as well, if she was in our shoes."
"Let's beat this game of life together, shall we?" she finished, grinning as she flashed her a victory sign, and the older girl instantly broke down, reminded of the cheerful, energetic purple-haired Imp who was so full of life and joy, a little sister whom she would have loved to dote on and protect with all her heart - if only fate had allowed it.
"Komachi-chan," Asuna cried, pulling her into a tight embrace, "Her name was Konno Yuuki."
"Don't worry, Asuna, I'll keep watch by myself tonight," Kirito assured as he patted her head, ruffling her chestnut hair.
"Who's going to watch you then," she mumbled, struggling to keep her eyes open, strangely exhausted from the conversation earlier that night, "Who's going to make sure you don't nod off?"
"Aren't you the sleepyhead now?" he teased as she pouted, too tired to respond. Within a few minutes, she was fast asleep, and Kirito sat alone, guarding over his slumbering friends.
In the calm silence punctuated by soft snores, he found himself in a pensive mood, pondering about the uncertain present and the unpredictable future. What lay ahead, and what was next? Were they heading the right way? Was there a real destination, and how and when would they get there?
So many burning questions with no answers. Just like the name of the girl whom he had so hopelessly failed those years ago.
Letting go huh? He mused over Yukino's words, wondering if he had truly managed to do so when his limited interactions with her over the past two days had repeatedly reminded him of the short-haired lancer, stirring memories he thought should have faded with time. In the serene quiet of the falling snow, he could almost hear the gentle, soothing voice humming the Red-Nosed Reindeer - all this while, had he merely forgotten the pain, burying the wounds under new experiences and filling the emptiness with new friends?
Sachi, he uttered the name that was likely a pseudonym like his own, unsure of how and what to feel or think or say, an ambivalence of melancholy and nostalgia roiling in his chest as fragments of the bittersweet past drifted through his mind. He had certainly come a long way since the days when he was a miserable, socially-awkward loner who could not even connect with his one and only little sister, and it was none other than that shy, timid girl who had made him care again. Her death had hurt so much, plunging him into abject darkness and untold despair, but it had also taught him how to love in a painful but strangely human way, to live and fight on for what he believed in, even if that blind faith turned out to be but a mirage that he had also later learnt to accept.
Would he, could he ever let go? Perhaps, eventually, just as he had grown and moved on, but a small part of her would always live on in the outcast that he had been, the survivor that he was, and whoever he would become. For just as he had once fought to save her, he would love, care and fight for Asuna, Suguha and Rika, for Shino, Keiko and Alice, and for all his new friends - except this time, he would, no, he must succeed because he was so much stronger, tougher and better than that weak, pathetic loner.
Thank you, Sachi, for making me strong, for raising me up to care for the ones I love.
If only you were here so I could protect you too.
"K-Kirito," a weak voice called his name, a voice that he had been dying to hear in the days that had passed like years. Trembling in excitement and anticipation, he turned to see that Rika had finally awoken, staring at the ceiling of the cavern from her sled as he hurriedly leapt over to check on her condition.
"Rika!" he spluttered, his voice hoarse with joy and jubilation, "You're awake! Wait here while I call the rest."
"It's okay," she mumbled, stopping him in his tracks, "This is just another one of those dreams, isn't it? Look, it's snowing so beautifully, just like that night in Aincrad."
"No, Rika, you're–"
"On the West Mountains on the 55th floor, searching for the rare metal ingot on the 25th of June. I remember the date, Kirito, that was the day I met you."
"Rika, please–"
"Kirito," she pleaded, tears welling in her eyes as she motioned at him to lie down beside her, "Just let me pretend this dream is real, will you? I-I tried so hard to wake up, b-but this–"
"I'll do anything, Rika," he found himself stammering as he held her hand, surprised by how cold her quivering fingers felt, "Just promise me you'll be fine."
"Thanks, Kirito, that means a lot to me, even though it seems I've run out of luck. I-I would've died in that pit alone if you hadn't jumped in with me. I was always living on borrowed time, you know?"
"Rika, why are you–"
"I love you, Kirito," she smiled, mustering all her strength even as her lips were pale and white in the dry, bitter cold, "It's just the two of us here, so I wanted to say it again - even if this may be an impossible illusion, it's been a good, long dream that I'll always remember when I wake up."
"R-Rika, w-what are you saying all of a sudden? I-I'll bring all of us out of here together, just like how we escaped that dungeon."
"Y-Your hands are warm, just like how I remember them, Kirito," she whispered as he tightened his grip, "T-Take care of A-Asuna, she loves you more than I do."
"Of course, Rika, I will!" he almost shouted, struggling to hold back his tears, "Just hang in there for me, will you? Just a little longer, I-I swear I'll–"
"Rika? Rika!" he yelled her name as her palms grew limp, the fading warmth slipping away in the icy winds no matter how hard he tried. Jolted awake by his frantic cries, his friends rushed over, clutching her other arm and shaking her desperately for her to come back. Yet she remained asleep, stubbornly refusing to wake, lost in a dream that was beyond their reach, a contented smile on her face that was in stark contrast with the tear-stricken crowd huddled around her body.
"Liz, why? Why?" Asuna screamed as she bawled her eyes out, having lost her first true friend. Beside her, Suguha and Keiko were a sobbing mess, having been close to Rika playing ALO together as a team, especially Keiko who was wailing inconsolably as if she had lost an older sister.
"Kirito," muttered the usually stoic Shino as she bit her lip and clenched her fists, forbidding herself from crying even as she shook in absolute grief, "I-It's on me, isn't it? She could've lived if I was able to find a way out of this mess sooner."
"Shino, stop, you're making me feel bad," was all he could say as he pulled her into a tight embrace, "It's on all of us, and it's okay to cry when you're sad."
Hachiman could only watch in muted sympathy as Kirito vented his grief and anger later that night, in the darkness outside the cave and away from his friends crying inside. When he was finally done, collapsing in the snow, heaving, coughing and choking with no more tears left to cry, Hachiman trudged forward, extending his hand to pull him back up.
"Sorry for your loss," was all he could mutter, and Kirito nodded, unable to find the words in the speechless quiet. He had promised to protect everyone, and had found the strength to do so, yet he had failed once more, just like how he had failed Sachi. All those years of struggling, training and fighting had seemingly been for naught - blood, sweat and tears shed in apparent futility and meaninglessness when one of his closest friends was lying on the floor of the cavern, cold and still as ice.
Shinozaki Rika was dead - that was the ugly truth he had to swallow, the undeniable reality he had to accept. And just like that wretched death game, there were no save points to load from, and no respawns in real life.
She was, and would be, gone forever.
No words were exchanged as the two boys dug through the ground with rudimentary tools and thinly-gloved hands, raw frost stinging their fingers as they clawed out fistfuls of soil. Progress quickened a little as the girls joined them with sticks and trays in the pale moonlight, though it still took a good long hour to carve but a shallow hole large enough for a person - a dead, lifeless corpse. Still, they continued to dig deeper, labouring until they were out of breath and on the verge of falling in the pitch-black darkness and the unforgiving cold - for so long as their backs ached, their arms hurt, their palms were numb and their muscles burned, they were alive unlike her, and could move to push dirt with the same tireless energy and painstaking determination of the blacksmith who had moulded and forged their blades with all her heart and life and soul.
When they were finally done, satisfied that no wild creature could ever disturb her slumber, they paused to wipe the tears and sweat frozen on their faces before heading back to the cave. Asuna held her hand the entire time, unable to let go, as if checking for a pulse, hoping that she would somehow return at the last moment even as she remained cold and lifeless till the very end, and Kirito had to muster his strength to pull the distraught girl away so Shino, Keiko and his little sister could wrap her in a blanket for the last time ever.
Asuna looked away, unable to deal with the sight as Kirito placed a towel over Rika's face, concealing the eyes that could no longer see and the mouth that could no longer speak, for it was the only way he could ever bring himself to seal her in soil and snow. With trembling fingers, the others filled the hole, covering the body but consciously avoiding the face, until Kirito clenched his fists to do the deed himself, pretending for a moment that he was burying an unknown stranger with short, brown hair - if only due to the thin fabric hiding her familiar freckled face.
Rika, I was supposed to bring you out of that icy pit, not bury you in one.
In the solemn silence, he pulled out his beloved Amusphere - his very own, and placed it on her grave. It was his prized possession, a part of him, his identity, his existence, a part of his, no, their past and present, a gateway to the world of dreams which was now her eternal future.
Made of hard plastic, it would surely stand the test of time, the wear and tear of the elements, till the very ends of the earth when carbon becomes diamond and fossils turn to fuel, to be reforged as the greatest swords in the new era of humanity.
Undoubtedly, for in permanent ink, they had written–
"Shinozaki Rika, our dearest friend and Lisbeth, the best blacksmith in the worlds beyond."
Cue the music Yume Sekai / "Dream World" which is SAO's first ED (sung by Asuna's VA).
A/N: Yukino shares the same VA as Sachi while Komachi shares the same VA as Yuuki, hence the doppelganger reference which ties in to the crossover.
Interestingly, Hachiman also shares the same VA as Ducker, who is one of Sachi's fellow guild members (Moonlit Black Cats) and computer club-mates in real life.
Shinozaki Rika / Lisbeth is the first to go (though not entirely unexpected), which is sad because she's one of my favourites. As much as it would've been really cool to see her swinging a club in a fight (which there would be many, trust me), I guess the comfort is that she got to convey her suppressed and unrequited feelings for Kirito, which is a key theme in her rather short character-focused arc in canon.