Chapter 9: Search and Rescue
Day 8
"Komachi, stop, it hurts," Hachiman muttered, even though he knew he deserved the wake-up pinch, "Thanks, I'm feeling better now."
"Sorry, onii-chan," she bowed, finally allowing her own tears to fall as he patted her head, "I-I didn't know what else to do. W-We've lost Yukino-senpai and Iroha-senpai, I-I can't bear to lose you too."
"We haven't lost Iroha," he corrected, clenching his fists even as his arms hurt, "She's strong, they won't be able to hold her for long or bring her far. But we have to hurry nonetheless."
Hang in there, Iroha, I'll make this up to you, I'll take responsibility.
Who else is going to tease me when we're back at school?
"I-I still don't think it's safe here, onii-chan," she stammered, the terrifying rush of cold metal swinging at her head still vivid in her mind, "T-They'll find us, especially with hunting dogs, and they'll–"
She froze, unable to continue as she shuddered in her brother's warm embrace. In the aftermath of the fight, they had hurried back to retrieve Alice and their belongings from the shelter, along with the new machetes that they had gathered, and had planned to fall back to higher ground after crossing the river to throw off their scent. Yet, here they were, paralysed with crippling grief and exhaustion, fresh wounds stinging in the bitter cold, unable to move, much less survive another encounter against wild beasts or men.
"Seems like we'll have to wake them up and drag them along," he muttered, glaring at the distraught trio that was Kirito, Suguha and Shino, "Iroha can't wait while we wallow here in guilt and self-pity."
"Oi," she smacked her forehead as her older brother shouted at the young man in black, "Get up, we have a friend to save."
And we have ours to bury, Kirito almost snapped as Suguha sprang to her feet beside him, waving her makeshift shinai despite the reopened wounds on her arms.
"My girlfriend died too," Hachiman sighed, too tired to argue as Komachi similarly jumped to his defence, grimacing from the exertion, "You aren't the only one. Let's retreat to somewhere safe and I'll help you dig a grave if you'll help me save Iroha. I'm sure Asuna didn't sacrifice herself so that we can just give up and–"
"What the hell do you even know, you dead-fish eyed loner?" Kirito snarled, grabbing him by the collar, "You weren't in a death game, you didn't spend a lifetime in another world."
"I love Yukino just as much, from the time we spent in this one," Hachiman retorted, slapping his hands away, "And you're right, I'm a loner. You won't understand, you aren't my friends - none of you are. We're just fellow survivors from the same plane crash."
"But I need all the help I can get to save my mischievous kouhai," he bowed as the others looked on in surprise, "You don't have to agree, but it's my duty to ask - not because I like it, but because she needs it."
"Hikigaya Hachiman," came the reply after a moment of silence, "We'll be there, not as friends or allies or party members if you really don't want to, but we'll be with you all the way."
"After all, we have a mission too," he continued, gritting his teeth at the sight of his girlfriend's lifeless body.
To kill them all and make them pay, a dark voice in him growled.
"To find out just what on earth is wrong with the world, and go home," he said instead, extending a hand which Hachiman grabbed and shook, "All of us, together - not a single soul less."
With that, they readied themselves and waded across the river, making sure to hold Alice and Asuna above the icy water, before tossing their wet, bloodied clothes away and pulling on a fresh change of apparels. For three hours, they trekked under the pale moonlight until they collapsed in fatigue, allowing themselves to catch a much-needed break to dig the grave amidst a white bed of flowers.
In the first rays of dawn, they began their fourth burial in just over a week. Kirito was shocked and heartbroken at just how stiff and frozen Asuna's body felt as he draped a blanket over her for the last time, unable to bring himself to cover her with soil and snow and stone after lowering her into the pit, which Hachiman and Komachi quietly assisted him with.
In the brutal silence, he almost broke down when he remembered that he had used his Amusphere for Rika, having never imagined that he would ever need one for Keiko, or Asuna. With trembling hands, he reached into her bag and found her device, which she had brought along just like the others, never able to part with their shared past and present, even in a future where they may never be together. Nonetheless, he hoped, prayed, if there was a god left in this cruel hell - that there would be an afterlife after all, where she would be waiting on the 22nd floor with Rika, Keiko, Sachi and perhaps even Yukinoshita-san in that familiar log cabin as he wrote on the plastic in permanent ink–
"Yuuki Asuna, my dearest partner and protector - the Lightning Flash who truly lived up to her name."
"Take care, Asuna, and have fun," he whispered, his warm breath dissipating in the wind, "I'll be waiting to hear your stories too."
In the brightening daylight, they forced themselves to chow down their final reserves of wolf meat to replenish their strength and hasten their recovery. Everyone was injured, suffering from bruises and cuts, except Shino, who remained unusually depressed and despondent since the fateful clash. For the second night in a row, nobody had slept, not that anybody could rest without stirring at the slightest sound and movement. The claustrophobic fear was getting on their nerves, and even Kirito found himself looking around and watching his back every few seconds, dreading another ambush that they would certainly not survive.
"Two machetes for you and one for me," Hachiman declared as he inspected the blades, taking stock of their weapons and inventory, "Shino, we'll try to give you a clear line of fire whenever possible, but if things get messy, I trust that you'll be a good shot. You have five bullets, so make them all count."
"I guess we'll just have to upgrade along the way," Kirito echoed as she did not reply, "Unless we want to be running and hiding forever behind enemy lines, we'll have to counterattack anyway - sooner better than later. Not that we have a choice, we're completely out of supplies, and we'll never be able to go home otherwise."
"Ambush the ambushers huh," Suguha muttered, tightening the bandages around her arms, having learnt her lesson from her encounter with the wolves, "I guess that's better than being stuck here for a long time. They'd be hunting us, but we'll surprise them."
"For Iroha, Asuna and everyone else," Hachiman exclaimed as he raised the machete, the sharpened blade gleaming in the sun. The others cheered as they met his awkward toast, if only to muster their courage and refresh their spirits for the battles ahead.
"You too, Shino," Yui beckoned as the bespectacled girl averted her gaze, refusing to join.
"Don't worry, Yuigahama-san," Kirito assured as he ushered the airhead away before she could start asking, "She'll be fine. Right, Shino?"
He did not receive any response, but decided to leave her be for a while as he proceeded to hide Alice under a layer of snow beside Asuna's grave for as long as the mission to rescue Iroha would take.
Be nice to each other, you two, he mused as he turned to leave, promising to retrieve the android by dusk.
Sorry, but this is the best I can do for now.
"Kirito," Hachiman asked from behind cover as they spotted a team of five resting under a ledge in the distance, "How are we going to do this?"
"We'll get them to surrender their weapons, if possible. They have a hunting rifle with them, it'll be good if we can get our hands on it."
"If it isn't used against us first, that is," the dead-fish eyed loner muttered dryly, "Say, Kirito, how far would you go? Hypothetically, should we take some hostages in exchange for Iroha?"
A frosty silence ensued as Komachi and Yui at him in disbelief, shocked that he would even think of such a thing. Yet, they did not seem to voice any protest or disagreement, as if tacitly accepting his suggestion for lack of a better strategy.
"Hachiman," Kirito began, choosing his words carefully, "Hypothetically, would you be ready to injure or kill some of those hostages if you don't get what you want?"
"I-I–" he stammered, taken aback by the question as Kirito waited patiently for his reply, "I-I just thought that it could be a less bloody path than having to fight through groups of enemies."
"I don't know, and I'm not sure what to tell you either," Kirito admitted with a sigh, "You may not have actually killed a person before, but I have, and on more than one occasion. Granted, they were members of the evil death guild Laughing Coffin, and it was arguably in self-defence, but it was not easy to move on at all, and I can never forget even to this day."
"I'm in no position to comment on how important Iroha is to you," he continued as Hachiman stared at him with eyes wide open, having never heard of his darkest moments in the game, "But the guilt and the sins stay with me for life. Even when I've come to terms with myself, they never really go away–"
"Onii-chan, stop!" Suguha hissed, elbowing him in the chest, and he instantly regretted his words as he saw Shino collapsed on the ground, shuddering uncontrollably as she clutched her head in absolute anguish and torment.
"Sorry, Hachiman," was all he could say as he hurried over to comfort her, and the loner simply nodded as he picked up the handgun and proceeded onwards with the rest, leaving him behind to deal with her in the cold, uneasy silence.
For a long while, she remained inconsolable, slapping him away as she continued to sob quietly on the floor.
"Don't touch me," she cried, her voice barely a whisper, "I-I'm a bloody murderer."
"Shino, I–" he bowed deeply from the bottom of his heart.
"I don't want your pity or your apology!" she nearly choked in a fit of rage before he could finish, "Don't you understand–"
That I hate myself for feeling this way? That I hate myself for being so goddamned weak? That I hate myself for–
Letting you down.
"Shino, I'm truly grateful," he continued before she could interrupt, "And that's why I'd like to thank you for being strong when it mattered - for you, for me and for every one of us."
"Huh? W-What are you saying? I-I killed–"
"Yes, you did, Shino, you killed that man," he said with a firm gaze, "That's why I'm here, alive and well, thanking you for saving my life, even though I may not have deserved it."
"I-I–"
"And that's why I'm here, Shino," he resumed, gently pulling her into a hug, "To shoulder the guilt and the sins with you, to take on the burdens that were supposed to be for me to bear, to live and fight on in this future that you've given me - together."
In the speechless quiet, she wept, clinging on to his warm embrace, never wanting to let go.
This isn't fair, Kirito, don't say things that'll make me misunderstand.
You're just going to make me fall for you all over again.
Kirito's words echoed loudly in Hachiman's mind as he readied himself for the ambush. Just what on earth had the young man in black and his companions gone through? All that the media had reported about the death game were but facts and statistics, not that he could feel the horror and the trauma from mere words and pictures.
Clenching his fists, he steadied his gun, the metallic surface stinging his palms as he considered his options. He could fire at them in cold blood, surprising them, though he had only five bullets to spare - one for each man, and none left for the reinforcements which may swarm in at the sound of gunshots. Alternatively, he could sneak in with the rest and catch them unaware, bringing the fight to close quarters which would, no, may prevent the men from blasting them in the face with the hunting rifle, at least in theory.
You already know the answer, don't you, Hachiman, he thought aloud, you never really had a choice to begin with.
After all, even if he desired a peaceful end through stealth, if their cover was broken, or if things turned ugly, or if his little sister Komachi of all people were to be at the wrong end of the enemy's sights, he would have to do like Kirito and Shino had done.
And if that line were to be crossed, there would be no turning back.
With that in mind, he motioned at his team to start the operation, grateful that they did not doubt his leadership at such a critical moment, even if he could not guarantee anybody's safety, or that the mission would not end in tears and tragedy.
As the search party of five chatted and laughed and smoked under the ledge, confident in their apparent safety in numbers, Suguha, Komachi, Yui and Hachiman leapt down and landed in front of the campfire, weapons brandished and ready. Tightening the grip on their machetes to stop their anxiety from showing, the girls held the sharpened blades to the necks of their enemies as he shouted at them to surrender, waving his handgun in the air for emphasis.
"This girl, where?" he barked at their faces as he pulled out the photo that had fallen from her passport, surprised that she had held on to it since their practice date those months ago.
"Enemy bitch," was the only response he got, and he gritted his teeth, trying his best not to give in to his temper or pull the trigger, even as they spat at him in rage and defiance.
"We're done here, Hikki," Yui signalled, having secured the hunting rifle and machetes as planned, and he finally allowed himself to vent his anger with a punch to the wretched face. It turned out to be harder than he had imagined, and he felt the impact on his knuckles, having struck the man's nose which left a red trail on the floor as he shoved them to get out of his sight.
Suguha swung her makeshift shinai to make sure they ran off quickly, and he followed them with watchful eyes until they disappeared into the distance. Sighing, he fell to the ground with the girls, releasing the collective breath of suspense that they had all been holding in for the past half a minute.
"M-My hands can't stop shaking," Yui spluttered, panting in the post-adrenaline rush as she let go of the bags, rummaging through the supplies.
"A-And I'm just so hungry," Suguha wailed as she tore open the cans of preserved beans and meat that the men had left behind.
"T-This is just heavenly," Komachi gasped as she bit into a candy bar, wondering if Christmas had come early.
"Don't take too long or they'll be back with reinforcements," he reminded, staring at the blood on his fist. In the cold quiet, Kirito and Shino trudged over, standing close to each other, and he averted his eyes for a moment before meeting their gaze.
"How did it go, Hachiman?" the young man asked, concerned as he patted him on the shoulder.
"Nothing I'm proud of," the loner replied, shrugging him away, "But nothing that I'd regret either."
They had barely left the ledge when Kirito hissed at them to hide, and they frantically dived behind cover just in time to see yet another search party heading in their direction. Three men in military fatigues, likely local militia, were advancing on their position, led by a hunting dog and armed with submachineguns and assault rifles, a dangerous step-up from the village guardsmen that they had encountered thus far.
This is bad, Hachiman thought aloud as he instinctively reached for his firearm, if they're bringing out the big guns, that can only mean–
Iroha is in danger, and the rescue mission just got a dozen times harder.
Time slowed as his heart raced. In the deafening silence, he gritted his teeth and weighed his options as Kirito and Shino hesitated, similarly torn between fight or flight - the chance to run and escape from certain conflict slipping away with each passing second of indecision.
"Hikki, what do we do?" Yui whimpered beside him, her face pale and frozen in fear.
"We kill the dog," he replied as she looked away, "And hope that the men won't be able to find us and chase us down."
Sorry, Yui, he whispered to himself as he took aim at the approaching canine, unable to wait for Shino to set up her rifle, it's a slippery slope, but we'll just have to think of it as a wolf.
With that, he pulled the trigger, and the blast of gunpowder erupted in a resounding explosion, propelling the bullet through the air as the recoil rippled through his arms. It was the first time in his life that he had fired a real gun at a living, breathing target, and perhaps due to the hesitation and inexperience, he missed.
Alerted to their presence, the gunmen raised their weapons. There was no turning back now.
"Everyone, run!" he shouted as he fired once more, stopping the dog dead in its tracks as it tumbled over. Automatic gunfire reverberated mercilessly across the valley as he sprinted after his little sister, clutching his handgun with three rounds left, unable to bring himself to pay the ultimate price.
Just run, Hachiman, don't think about anything else, don't think about–
"Komachi!" he screamed as she tripped and fell in the snow. Had she been shot? He struggled to hold in the looming dread as he dashed to her side. A storm of heated lead blew up around them as he pulled her to her feet, and he found himself turning around to aim down the sights.
Did he have a choice? Was there any other way? Could he still live, knowing that he could have saved his little sister, if he had just pulled the trigger?
A twitch of the finger - that would be all it would take to live or to die, to kill or be killed.
Three shots rang out in quick succession, empty casings falling to the floor as he grabbed his little sister and sprinted for dear life, trying not to hear the tortured cries of the dying man as he ran from the crumpled heap. The hail of bullets continued to pour, albeit with less ferocity, and a few shots rang out from ahead, loud and deliberate, as they ducked and continued to push on until they could no longer move.
His lungs gasped for air as he collapsed, legs buckling in exhaustion. The gunshots had finally stopped, and all he could hear was the sound of the wind and his own heavy breathing. He looked up to see Yui staring at him with an expression that he could not quite discern, an ambivalence of sadness, relief and concern as he tucked away the empty handgun in his pocket.
"Komachi, stop," he muttered as his little sister threw herself onto the ground beside him, apologising and thanking him repeatedly as she broke down, "Y-You're making me feel bad too, for failing to–"
Yet, in the cold silence, the airhead stopped him before he could finish, wrapping her arms around the both of them in a gentle embrace. Surprised, he did not try to wriggle away, allowing her to hug him for once, immersed in the comfort and the warmth as tears streamed down her face.
"Thank you, Hikki, Komachi-chan," she said softly, "I'm just glad that you're safe."
"Everyone, run!" Shino had heard him shout as he fired away at the dog, and for a moment, she did, if only out of sheer instinct and habit. She was, after all, a sniper, and as soon as she had put some distance between herself and the gunmen, she turned around and fell to the floor, inhaling deeply to steady her arms as she aimed down the scope.
She fired, pulling the trigger just as she had so many times before in that post-apocalyptic world, where she was among the strongest and the best, not the bespectacled weakling that was in this hell of a place. She had vowed to be stronger and better, and she would prove to him through her actions that she could be–
And she missed.
What the hell is wrong with you, Shino, she truly hated herself from the bottom of her heart, biting her lip so hard that it bled once more.
Why are you hesitating? They're the enemy, they're here to kill your friends.
Just like that man in the post office. Just like that man who had beaten Kirito and murdered Asuna.
In the deafening quiet, an image flashed through her mind, an elusive figment flickering through the intertwined strings of fate as if it had come from another dimension. In that parallel universe that was as broken as her own, she was everything she would dream to be - tall and beautiful and dignified, a brave kendoka who had risen above her own trauma to fight at the very frontlines with the man she loved.
And as her long blue hair fluttered in the wind, she found herself imagining his firm hands on her chest, pressing down hard, and she flushed in a strange mix of humiliation and excitement as she pulled the trigger again, watching the man collapse from a clean bullet wound to the head. She reloaded and did the same to the lone remaining gunman, a fine spray of red spurting from between his frozen eyes as he rolled over in the snow, dead.
"Kirito, I-I–" she panted, blushing heavily as she paused to catch her breath. Instead of disappearing into flashes of light, the magnified lens had given her a clear, unfettered view of the faces of death, horrors that would undoubtedly haunt her nightmares in the days to come. Yet she could not help but let out a smile of relief, indulging in the triumph, if only for a moment before the wallowing guilt and self-hatred would inevitably surface.
After all, Asada Shino had found her resolve and her strength again.
"I don't need it anymore," was all she said when Hachiman attempted to return the handgun, patting her hunting rifle to emphasise her point as he hesitated before keeping the weapon.
"Besides, you've earned this," she continued, handing him a bloodied AK, which he received with trembling hands.
"I-I don't need an assault rifle, Shino," he stammered as the cold metal numbed his fingers. He may not be an expert - far from it, but hanging out with a certain white-haired otaku in his second year of middle school had taught him all he needed to know about guns.
"You need it to save your friend, don't you?" she noted with a shrug, "And I guess you're one of us now. Welcome to the party."
He nodded, acknowledging her gesture as she turned to leave. He may be a loner, but it was true that he had come to understand both of them a little better, if only due to the sins they shared.
"You did well, Shino," a certain young man in black remarked as she handed him and his little sister a submachine gun each, though she could not help but look away when she remembered the sensations of his warm hands. Nonetheless, she relented as he ruffled her hair, leaning forward to rest her forehead on his chest.
"Kirito, can we stay like this for a while?" she asked, strangely contented and reluctant to move from her position, even as his little sister glared at her from behind.
"For as long as you want," he laughed, putting his weapon aside to pull her into a comforting hug, "We're partners in arms after all, aren't we?"
"That's better than just friends, isn't it?" she remarked in the silence, not expecting an answer.
"Not as good as a cousin or a sister," came the sharp reply as she was forcibly tugged away, "Onii-chan, can we get going already? I'm getting hungry."
A/N: Shino's doppelganger refers to Busujima Saeko (same VA) from High School of the Dead.
Overall, this chapter was focused on Shino and Hachiman coming to terms with their own trauma and moral dilemma, which would serve as a prelude to Chapter 10. Shino's desire to be strong (as Sinon in GGO) to overcome her past is an integral part of her character arc in canon, which I thought would be interesting and important to flesh out before the action starts (especially since she's in her real-life form Asada Shino and has to injure/kill with actual guns).
As for Hachiman, it's easy to forget that he's really just a regular high school student (albeit with some chuunibyou 'dark history' with Zaimokuza) forced to transition from a survivor in the first arc (Chapter 3 - 7) to a fighter in the second arc (Chapter 8 - 13).