Chapter 21: Aftermath

(Narrator POV)

They arrived at the hospital; Olivia was still in pain. But the bleeding had stopped. They rushed her to an examination room and made Edgar wait in the waiting room, his foot was killing him. He knew it was a bad idea but the fact of the matter is that he did what he had to do. When the squad came in Amanda brought his crutches and phone in that he left in the van. The hostage situation lasted about 5 hours from what the family had told the police. Olivia had only endured 4 of the 5 hours. Deep in his thoughts Edgar didn't even realize he had quiet tears falling from his eyes. After an hour he heard a voice "Mr. Goodwin?" He stood.

"Yes doctor?" He was so nervous.

"Could you follow me?"

"Sure." He put his phone in his pocket and followed the doctor to Olivia's room. She looked like she was sleeping but she was awake. "Hi baby." She said as excited as possible, but you could tell she was tired.

"Hi honey. How are you feeling?"

"Horrible. My body is very achy."

"I'm sorry but the doctor is gonna take of you and I am too."

"Mr. Goodwin, Olivia?" They looked up at the doctor. "I have a few questions for Olivia?"

"During your situation were you assaulted in anyway?"

"Umm I think it's obvious he gave me a concussion and I have bruises all over me. But sexually he tried but he didn't get that far."

"Okay. We're gonna have you stay for another hour or so. Then we're going get you out of here. This is very difficult to tell you this Olivia but in your accident your baby couldn't take the stress." Olivia started to breathe really fast. "Which caused you to miscarry. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Okay." Olivia said seem unbothered. Edgar was in tears. He couldn't understand how she wasn't upset. The doctor was even shocked by her reaction. "Can you both leave?" She turned her back to Edgar.

"Of course." The doctor exited the room.

"Olivia..."

"Edgar please just, go." Her voice was shaky and he could tell she was about to cry.

"Olivia I'm not gonna leave you like this. I can't not when we just suffered a loss of a child."

"I honestly just wanna be alone."

"But I need to be here for you. I'll wait outside of the door."

"No Edgar! Go." She was crying now.

"No! I understand you have to grieve the way you need to. But if it involves me being shut out from your life again! I won't let that happen!"

"Edgar just go. Pick up Noah. Get something to eat. I don't care what you do or where you go. But you need to leave. So just go!" Edgar chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"You don't get." He scoffed. "You just don't get it do you! You just went through a HOSTAGE SITUATION! I didn't even know if you were alive for hours and hours. WE, just lost a baby. I'm not gonna lose you too! But you make it so hard for me. YOU are so incapable to be loved and I will never understand that! Sometimes I wonder why I love-" she cut him off and flipped to look at him.

"Why you love me? Yeah I wonder too. I ask myself everyday why do you. You alway seem to tell me everyday why and it makes me feel a whole lot better. But for you to say I'm incapable-" she was sobbing. Edgar cut her off.

"I didn't mean like-"

"I'm not finished!" She paused. "For you to say I'm incapable of being loved and to QUESTION why you love me... shows me that this!" She held up her promise ring. She was more upset than mad now. "Means nothing to you." She took a deep breath. "You know what, Edgar? Don't bother picking up Noah. Until can stop questioning whether you love me or not... You can have that car back. You can have your ring back. Don't call me. Don't text me. Delete my number from your phone. This makes me think that everything you have said to me about love is a lie. I already feel bad enough that I couldn't carry our baby but you just made it impossible for me to talk to you and look at you the same. When I was in that house I would look at the ring and it made me feel just a little bit better. But no I don't ever want to look at it again. All I asked you was to leave for a little. I never said don't come back. I just needed to be alone for a while. But no! You couldn't even give me that. So take your keys and your ring and get the hell out of my room."

Edgar said nothing. He took keys and the ring and left. He couldn't believe how stupid he was for saying that. Olivia will probably never forgive him. And he will never forgive himself for breaking her heart. Olivia was heart broken. The man you promised to love her forever just told her he didn't even know sometimes why he did. All she did when he left the room was cry. Cry over her baby. Cry about her relationship. Cry over these past months with all of the crazy. Just cry about whatever. Edgar walked out in the waiting area he had tears down his face and everyone attempted to ask what was wrong but he just kept walking. Amanda stood up and walk to the counter "can I go to Olivia Benson's room please."

"Yeah room 347, down this hall."

"Thank you." She knocked on the door. And after no answer she opened the door, Olivia was just crying very hard. "Oh Liv." She moved over to the bed and sat on her front side. "What's the matter?"

"Everything! It's like I can't do anything right. I lost my baby. I lost Edgar. I just can't- I can't!"

"Okay okay breathe Olivia. I'm sorry about everything. Can I do anything?"

"Noah needs to be picked up from school. And I don't have a car with me to go get him. I have no one else to get him so can you ask someone to go pick him up. Oh my gosh..."

"What Liv?"

"Where am I gonna go? They aren't gonna discharge me if I don't have around the clock care. Edgar was supposed to do that and look... now he's gone. I don't have any family." Her mind was running in circles.

"I don't know. I wish I could help but with work who knows when I could be around. I could call La'Mai?"

"Yeah. Could you? I don't have my phone it's in evidence. Could you bring that to me later today?" Her crying has slowed.

"Yeah of course!" Amanda pulled out her phone and lo and behold La'Mai walks in the door. "Wow great timing. We were just about to call you." Amanda said.

"Oh did you guys need something?"

"Are you doing anything for the next 3-4 days?" Olivia asked.

"Just working."

"Never mind."

"Come on what?"

"It's nothing."

"Please just tell me anyway. Maybe I could help."

"In order for me to discharged I need around the clock care for the next few days."

"I wish I could but this week is just meetings and lots of paperwork."

"Yeah I know Edgar told me all about it." She started tearing up again. She down at her hands.

"What about Edgar? Does he know? He can help you. It's not like he can't call off work to do so."

"Yeah umm he and I are... apart at the moment. He was supposed to until about 25 minutes ago."

"What happened?" A question Amanda was wondering too.

"It's a long story."

"We got time." Olivia sat up with the help of both of them. They got her comfortable and she began to tell them everything. "So the doctor brought Edgar back here and started ask some questions and was talking about my care outside of the hospital. Then he told us," she paused getting choked up. "He told us that I lost the baby. Oh my gosh." She started balling again. Saying it is way different than hearing it. Neither on of the women in the room even know she was pregnant to to begin with. "I asked if Edgar could leave and pick up Noah or something. I just needed sometime alone to process and deal with everything. But he got mad and said I was shutting down, shutting him out. I tried to him that I just needed a minute alone and he lashed out." She took a few deep breaths because this was even harder to say. "He told me that I was incapable of being loved and sometimes he wonders why he loves me."

"Jackass." Amanda said which made Liv laugh a little bit.

"Yeah. I told him he could have his car back, his ring back, don't call or text me; until he could figure out if he really loves me or not."

"Good for you Liv." La'Mai said.

"Is it really? I feel like I overreacted."

"Overreacted?!" Amanda said.

"If anything you underacted compared to me at least cause if I were you he'd be physically hurt right now." They all joined each other in laughter.

"I just couldn't look at him knowing that I killed his baby." She started crying again and hyperventilating. "He probably hates me even more than he did before."

"Aye Liv, hey! Calm down take deep breaths. Slow down you're okay. You could've predicted this would happen and you wouldn't do this on purpose. You love your baby and it's unfortunate that he or she died. But you can't blame yourself or think like that."

"But I can. I knew when went up to that door what could happen. I wasn't thinking. All I could think about was saving Lucy from making a mistake."

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked Olivia.

"Lucy sent me a text this morning from one of the kids in the house and he was asking for help. I called Lucy she told me she was going in the house I told her no but she went in anyway... I couldn't just let herself get killed."

"And you didn't. Nobody in that house died. They were all saved because of you-"

"But at what price? My baby?" She looked at Amanda. "Ya know, you guys can go now. I know you have kids and you have work. Thank you guys for coming though."

"Okay feel better Liv."

"I will thank you." After a few minutes of quiet Olivia was able to gather some of her thoughts before someone came rushing in her room. "Elliot? Why are you here?"

"I saw on the news, are you okay?"

"I'm fine why do you care?"

"I knew you'd ask that. Look I know I've been an ass to you since I saw you again. And I can't tell you why because I don't even know. I just know that when I saw on the news what happen I had to come see you. I miss you and I had to make sure you were okay."

"I'm okay." She whispered. "But you have been nothing but rude to me why do you care. Don't give me that bullshit of 'I don't know' because you do so why?"

"When I saw you I was very emotional because of Dickie. I was mad at the world and I was so mad at the fact you were talking to Kathy. We had a messy divorce. The entire time Kathy blamed you for it and I started to believe her. That you came between us and I was mad, I hurt you."

"Yeah, you did."

"I'm sorry. I have thought about it and I couldn't find your number and I knew if I came to the precinct Fin would beat my ass."

"No I probably would have."

"Or that too." He laughed. "So where is Mr. Perfect?"

"He's gone... somewhere I don't know."

"What happened?"

"Look Elliot I don't know you anymore and I haven't for ten years. So why should I talk to you?"

"Because I'm sorry and I'm here for you. I just want you to get better. And I genuinely care about you."

"No."

"I didn't come here thinking that we would go back to how we were years ago. I came back to make things right, to start a new relationship. That's all." Why was this happening it was too much for Olivia because Edgar walked back in. When Edgar walked in her saw Elliot holding Olivia's hand. Of course he was mad but His mind was focused on Olivia. "Can I have moment with Olivia please?" Elliot looked at Olivia and she she nodded her head. He walked out the room and glared at Edgar. Once the door was completely shut Olivia was about to start talking but l Edgar beat her to it. "I don't know if you are ready to forgive me for what I said. I know that I'm not ever gonna forgive myself for what I said to you. I was completely out of line and I know all you wanted was some space. I understand that now. But I came back to give you, your keys and your ring back because I gave you the car and I gave you the ring because I meant it with all of my heart. What I said about you being incapable of being loved and my not knowing whether I love... it was a lie. I know I love you Olivia. I know that you're the last person on earth I ever want to be with. I screwed up but I know deep down you want to forgive me but you can't and I understand, I wouldn't forgive myself either. But there was no way I was gonna sleep tonight if I didn't tell you this and give you back what is so rightfully yours. I promised you, when I gave you that ring that I would never leave you or hurt you. I have failed at one already and I'm not leave you. That's why came back I'm not giving up on us because you and Noah make me happy. So here you go." He walked to Olivia and gave her keys and ring back and was about to leave.

"Edgar, wait." He turned around and looked at her and she was in tears. "You hurt me and I'm struggling to forgive you but I need you right now. No matter how mad we are at each other we both need each other whether we want admit it or not."

"I know that's why I came back. Because I need you. I want you."

"And I need you too. I want you I just don't know how much I want you right now."

"I understand. But I'm still gonna take care of you while I need to but other than that I'll leave you alone and give you your space."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Yeah no problem." After some silence the doctor walked in with her discharge papers and explained to them what she can and can't do. And they were prepping to leave and Edgar grabbed hand to help her out of bed. Once they were in the hallway Elliot caught them as they were leave and gave her his new number. "Wait at the door while I go get the car okay?"

"Kay." It took him about two minutes to pull up he took of his coat and put it on Olivia got her settled into the car. The ride was very silent. "I ask Christian if he could pick Noah up and keep him for a few hours while I get you settled." Olivia was starring out the window. "Okay."

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Do you need anything?"

"No. Just drive." He said nothing else the entire was to her apartment. He helped her out of the car and he knew the stairs would be tough for her. "Ow." She stopped halfway up the staircase.

"I got you. Go slow." They kept moving but it only got worse so he gently picked her up and carried her the rest of the way.

"Edgar you don't have to pick up. Your leg! You've been on it all day you're not supposed to put that much pressure on it."

"I'll be fine so what if I get pushed back. All that matters is you." He put her back on her feet unlocked the door got Olivia settled in bed kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry, I love you. Feel better. I'll be in the living room."

"Okay."