Chapter 16.5: Midnight Dreams

Day 12 - Night

The day had dragged on longer than Kirito had expected, and by the time he stopped for the night, his back was hurting and his shoulders were sore. He rubbed his temples, strained by the exertion of being on the lookout for hours on end, only for the clouds in the distance to play tricks on his eyes.

On occasion, he had let his mind wander in the calm firmament and serene waters, a welcome respite from the unending watch. Yet, he had found no peace or harmony, only turbulent emotions and traumatic thoughts, the memories and nightmares haunting him like phantoms in the vast, desolate expanse of nothingness that was devoid of vegetation and land.

He sighed, exhaling deeply to relieve the tension in his chest. The pink-haired airhead had shown keen interest in operating the boat, and he was considering letting her take over the following day. For now, however, the sun had set, and it was time to wash off with water and turn in to rest.

"How's my little sister?" he asked as soon as he saw the blonde knight sitting inside, eagerly awaiting his return, "She's feeling better, I hope?"

"Kirito," she looked away, averting her eyes, "She's fine for now but the wounds on her arms - has she been bitten by wild beasts by any chance?"

In the deafening silence, he could only clench his fists as he struggled to find the words to the answer he already knew. It had happened back at the cold, brutal mountain, where they had fought against the wretched creatures, where Keiko had died, and where she had been injured.

For a long while, he bit his lip, tormented by not only what had happened, but what could have been. If only he had been stronger and more alert, he could have prevented them from having to suffer and sacrifice themselves for him. The fateful clash, coupled with days of endless fighting and trekking without proper food and medicine had undoubtedly sowed the seeds of the present infection, and the one who had led his little sister on this doomed nightmare of a journey was none other than her utter failure of a brother.

"Wolves," he hissed, hating himself as much as the beasts, "She fought them on the mountains, Alice, for us, for me."

"I-It's my fault again, isn't it?" she gasped, devastated, "If only I'd been awake, I could've fought them off, I could've taken those bites without being infected."

"Trust me, I hate this as much as you do," he gritted his teeth, "If only there was a functioning hospital we could get to. But we can't just wish one into existence, it's so damn frustrating."

"If only Selka was here, she could use her Sacred Arts of Healing. B-But she's de–"

"Alice," he cut her short, "You're the very best person in the world that I can entrust my little sister with. You took care of me for months when I was paralysed and catatonic, and I can never thank you enough for that."

"I–"

"Stop blaming yourself," he pulled her into a hug, "And help me once more."

She nodded in his shoulders, his words steeling her resolve to do what she had to do. Gently, she pried herself out of his embrace, to tell him what she had come to conclude.

"K-Kirito, about this thing you call a 'tracker', I-I think I know where it may be. If it sends signals to distant lands, it should be somewhere outside my body, somewhere near my head where my mind is, like my eye."

For a good minute, he stood speechless, stunned by the sudden revelation. It made sense indeed, and she could be right, but if she was, that could only mean–

She'll have to lose an eye - or both, since we don't know which of them has the tracking device.

She could be wrong too, and that would be a real tragedy.

"Wait, let's think this through," he said firmly, grabbing her hands before she could do anything rash, "There are better ways to do this."

"Like what?" she challenged, "This body is fake and can be repaired. Unlike you and everyone else, I'm a robot, whatever pain I feel will just be a temporary illusion."

"Stop, Alice, listen!" he nearly shouted as she trashed around in his grasp, determined to tear out her eyes. Desperate, he reached out to pinch her in the chest, and she stumbled, startled, almost losing her balance as she backed away in shock.

"W-What are you doing!" she demanded, her face flushed in humiliation and embarrassment.

"You felt that on your 'fake body', didn't you?" he questioned, similarly blushing a bright shade of crimson, "Stop saying that you're a robot like your life doesn't matter! You're a person, Alice, a real human, as real as one can ever be."

"A-And sorry for doing…that," he continued before she could interrupt, bowing deeply in apology, "I-I had to stop you before you could injure yourself, but I went a little too far."

A long silence ensued as she froze, before returning his gesture with a soft smile on her lips.

"Thank you for stopping me, Kirito, and sorry for ever doubting you. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I shouldn't have tried to hurt myself, especially if my actions would only bring more pain and burden to you."

"To yourself too, Alice, don't forget that. And sorry again about what happened."

"A-About that, you can t-touch me if you want to, Kirito," she stammered, red in the cheeks, "Just be a little gentler. A-And I'm not saying this because it's a fake body."

"Alice, I'm sorry, you don't have to–"

"It's my real body," she held his hands to her chest, "And I-I'm sure this is what humans do with the people they love."

"You really don't have to–"

"But I want to," she insisted, a little hurt by his hesitation, "I really want to, unless you don't."

"I do, Alice," he admitted, "I–"

Before he knew it, she had leaned in to plant a hot kiss, stealing the words from his mouth. She pulled him in for another, and he relented, giving in to her soft, wet lips and her tight embrace.

"We're even now, aren't we?" she exhaled, "I-I just did something bad that broke the Taboo Index and my honour as an Integrity Knight."

"I don't think we've done anything, at least not yet," he breathed, caressing the crook of her neck, "And I'm sure Uncle Bercoulli and Lady Fanatio would beg to differ."

"We're both truly terrible, Kirito," she bit back, guiding his hands under her shirt, "But that makes the two of us."

He could not find the words as she pushed him onto the bench before throwing off her clothes to join him, her long, blonde hair falling in all the right places. Having found the answers to some of his burning questions, he let her take the lead as they tumbled around on the old cushion, allowing the excitement to take over until they found themselves lying beside each other, heaving in breathlessness.

"W-Was I as good as Stacia?" she asked, pulling a blanket over herself in the post-adrenaline quiet.

"You're as good as Alice," he assured, crawling to his feet to pick up the shirt on the floor, "You don't have to keep comparing yourself to Asuna, you know."

"Aww," she pouted, unsatisfied, "Seems like we'll have to try a few more times to find out."

"Heh," he chuckled, ruffling her hair, "As long as it's what you want, and not what anyone else wants of you."

"B-But what if I want you to want me, Kirito?" she huffed, innocence returning to her eyes, contrasting against the wild expressions that she had made barely a few minutes before.

"I want you, Alice," he smiled, having made up his mind, "As long as you want me too."

Stirred from her slumber, Suguha tossed and turned in her bunk, unable to sleep. She had heard the noise from above through the thin planks separating the decks, and she perked her ears to listen, driven by a sense of forbidden curiosity despite the growing pain in her heart.

Coughing, she let her imagination run wild, her trembling fingers finding their way across her heated skin. She felt truly sick and dirty for picturing herself as the avatar with the long, blonde hair, but what else could she possibly do when she was alone on an empty bed, deserted and abandoned, like all the friends that they had cruelly and mercilessly left behind to rot in their graves.

She let her tears flow as she finished, hating herself for her feelings and the universe for her fate. The very blood in her veins had been why he had rejected her, something that she could never change, yet of all people, she just had to be in love with him. Perhaps believing in an absurd and meaningless world like the dead-fish eyed loner was the only real way to cope, or to make peace and let go, like his ex-girlfriend had so selflessly done in the footsteps of her brother's first love.

But she was not Sachi, Asuna, Shino or Alice. She was his pampered and petulant little sister, who had selfishly clung to him as a sibling, yet made excuses for her romantic indiscretions as a cousin. She was the bloodiest of hypocrites and the most useless of burdens.

And that was why, above all, she hated herself.

"Sugu," a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts as she dried her tears to greet him with a smile.

"K-Kazuto, y-you're here!"

"Sugu, you're half-naked," he spluttered, turning away to cover his eyes, "I-Is it because of the fever?"

"Oh," she muttered, realizing that she was clad in nothing but her underwear amidst her earlier bout of excitement, "No, I-I mean y-yes."

"N-Nothing that you haven't seen the other night, K-Kazuto," she continued in the awkward silence, "And nothing you haven't seen on Alice, I'm sure."

"W-What are you saying, Sugu?" he laughed nervously, scratching his cheek in feigned ignorance.

"I heard everything, you know," she snapped, more irritated than annoyed, "You and her making out like no tomorrow."

"W-We did?"

"The wood here creaks with the slightest movement, Kazuto onii-chan. She'd be sad to hear you say that too, not that I mind anyway. I-I guess it's her reward for taking such good care of me during the day, just like how she used to take care of you in Underworld. I can see why you love her, a-and I-I'm truly g-glad that you do."

"Then why are you crying, Sugu?"

"I-I am?"

"I can see everything, Sugu," he said with a hint of seriousness in his tone, "I-I mean, not everything - mind you - but I can tell when my sister is sad at least."

"I-I lost, Kazuto, fair and square," she sighed, spilling the words from the depths of her heart, "She can fight as well as me, much better than me in fact, in my current pathetic state. She can be as tender, loving and caring as Asuna, and protect you in ways nobody else can, myself included. That's why I'm happy for you, so just leave me alone on this musty old bunk to bury my tears and lick my wounds of envy, would you?"

"You haven't lost anything, Sugu," he corrected, tucking her into bed, "I'm here by your side. Alice has done enough for the day. I'll watch over you tonight."

"I can't lose something I never had, Kazuto," she muttered, refusing the blanket over her quivering body, as if wanting him to see her for the last time in her true and uncovered form. She was particularly fond of her chest after all, the best among her incarnations across the many worlds in her delirious dreams. She had honestly seen her defeat from the very beginning - always so close yet forever so far, like Venus orbiting the sun but never meeting the flames, for if it did, she would be hopelessly destroyed.

She had been the Flame Spirit step-sister, even a little girl called Alice - of all possible names, in a similar post-apocalyptic world. She had nearly reached the finish line in one of the parallel realities, with a young man who was Kazuto, only to be stopped by one of her many sisters, one of whom sounded suspiciously like Iroha, who just had to share her appearance if not for her distinctive hairstyle and personality.

There were, of course, mysterious and forbidden realms which she could only dream of, such as the one where the tangerine-haired true-blooded imouto had ended up wedding her beloved onii-chan after he had so brutally rejected all her rivals, including her close friend who sounded strangely like the late Yukinoshita-san.

There was also a faint sliver of hope, in a world of devils like the hell that they were in, where the strong, white-haired little cat-girl had gotten together with the hero, albeit via extra-dimensional means.

Biting her lip to steel her resolve, she motioned for him to come closer, and he obliged without hesitation. With all the strength that she could muster, she grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest before he could react, the sensation of his warm fingers sending shivers down her spine and butterflies across her stomach.

"Sugu!" he cried, surprised, though he stopped trying to wriggle away after a while.

"I-Is it better than Alice's?" she panted, red in the face, "Y-You'll be my f-first and my last, Kazuto, I-I don't want to d-die like this."

"Please don't say such things, Sugu, you have a long way ahead of you."

"I-I know when you're lying, onii-chan," she retorted, deciding to cast aside her embarrassment to meet his gaze, "Say, Kazuto, would you mind lying next to me, just like old times? You can leave when I'm asleep. I-I swear I won't do a-anything."

"Of course, Sugu," he smiled, patting her head and climbing into the sheets beside her. The bunk was harder and narrower than he had expected, and for a moment, he felt a pang of guilt and regret for leaving his little sister to lie alone for hours on end in the cold, dark underdeck.

"K-Kazuto," she mumbled as she closed the non-existent gap and hugged him like a dakimakura, her supple chest pressing against his arm, her slender thighs unabashedly coiling around his lower body. He could feel her quickening heartbeat as her pulse raced, her heated breaths tickling his cheeks and his neck.

"Sugu? Y-You said–"

"I-I lied for once, Kazuto, just like you've done so many times before," she whispered as she proceeded to help herself, "I-I've been a bad little sister, I mean, cousin. Just let me be for a while, would you?"

"K-Kirito!" another voice called out from the doorway, "W-What in Stacia's name are you doing with T-Terraria!"

"Alice, wait!" he yelled as he broke out of her embrace to chase after the blonde knight, leaving her alone on the bed once again.

"Baka onii-chan," she said to nobody in particular, the echoes of her heavy breathing the only sound in the silence. She would have to apologise to the both of them later, if she could wake from yet another nightmare-filled slumber. Tired, exhausted and utterly drained from the mental and physical exertion, she closed her eyes as a warm tear made its way down her cheek.

Sorry, Kazuto. If only my dreams can reach you.

He found the blonde knight on the outer deck, staring at the moonlight in the water, her long hair fluttering in the breeze, braids untied from their earlier escapade. Under the pale lunar glow, her dress hung loosely over her shoulders, and for a while, he stood staring at her, transfixed and mesmerised in the tranquil quiet.

"Sorry, Alice, she was just being mischievous as usual."

"I-I know, Kirito," she replied, turning around to face him, "I have a little sister too, though she isn't nearly as cheeky. B-But I guess I was just being selfish in thinking that we had something special between us that Stacia, Solus and T-Terraria wouldn't–"

"Alice," he stopped her before she could continue.

"I understand, Kirito, I really do," she assured, even as tears welled in her eyes, "I-It's just that I can't stop my chest from hurting. I-Is this true love, or is this just jealousy?"

"I don't know, Alice," he admitted, pulling her into a comforting hug, "Does it have to be either, or could it be both? Is it wrong for it to be neither, or something in between?"

"Your words confuse me, Kirito," she sobbed, "Just like my feelings."

"We have a long way to go, Alice, we'll work this out together, you and me. We don't have to rush things."

In the warm silence, she nodded but did not reply. They had a long road ahead of them indeed, but as with life, perhaps it was the journey that mattered, not the destination, not the finish line.

I want you, Kirito. I want to always be by your side.

A/N: Chapter title reference is self-explanatory.

List of character doppelganger references (same VA as Suguha):

1. Date A Live: Itsuka Kotori

2. High School of the Dead: Alice Maresato

3. Quintessential Quintuplets: Nakano Nino + Uesugi Fuutarou (same VA as Kirito) + Nakano Yotsuba (same VA as Iroha)

4. Oreimo: Kousaka Kirino + Aragaki Ayase (same VA as Yukino)

5. High School DxD: Toujou Koneko + Hyoudou Issei (VAs are a married couple in real life)

P/S: I'll be updating quickly till Chapter 19 (end of third arc and finale of part I) + Chapter 20 (teaser for part II) as they have been completed, pending edits and further refinement.

Do let me know in the review section if I should continue with Part II (which I've planned but not written - fourth to sixth arcs) or focus on another story entirely. I've drafted a few ideas, including a shorter companion piece focusing on Oregairu (non-crossover, another worldline) surviving the nuclear winter in Soubu High School, as well as others such as Konosuba x SAO (expect Darkness Synthesis Pendragon to make a comeback), or multi-franchise crossovers in a free-for-all (either SAO, FSN or BR as a base).

Either way, the next chapter (Chapter 18) will be the action-packed climax of the third arc (2x normal length, approx. 6,000+ words), so stay tuned - favs, follows and reviews highly appreciated!

Update (8 Oct 2021): As suggested by some of my dear reviewers, I've started my second fic Blessings on This Floating Castle (Konosuba x SAO) - feel free to check it out and give it a read!