Chapter 19: Incarnations of Time
Day 13
"It's morning already, Sugu," Kirito mumbled as he opened his eyes, "You have kendo training today, don't you? Go wash up while I make breakfast."
He tried to crawl out of bed, only to be overwhelmed by the sharp pain radiating from multiple spots across his body. Curious and confused, he looked around to find himself on a musty old bunk, in a rather small and dimly lit room which seemed to bob gently as if it was floating on waves. A beautiful blonde girl was sitting on a chair beside the bed, staring at him with an expression of relief and concern.
"What's the matter, Alice?" he asked, somehow remembering her name, "What happened?"
"K-Kirito, you're finally awake!"
"Yes, I am," he assured as she tightened her arms around him, unwilling to let go, "Should I prepare breakfast for you too? Sugu is really taking her time, she'll be late for school at this rate."
He did not expect her to shake her head and cry on his shoulder. Surprised, he clasped his hands over hers as she sobbed in genuine hurt and despair.
"K-Kirito, S-Suguha is–"
"Wait," he felt the need to interrupt her before she could finish, "Silly me, we aren't even at home - this is the backroom of the Log Cabin, isn't it? What are we doing here? Where's everyone? Did they go on a quest without us?"
"K-Kirito, please stop, this isn't–"
"I can't believe they left us behind to enjoy themselves. Feels like we haven't seen Asuna, Liz, Silica and Sinon in a while. Did Sugu ditch us too?"
A long, speechless silence ensued as she bit her lip, unable to find the words. Clenching her fists, she gathered her resolve before meeting his gaze.
"Kirito, you're in the Real World, and we're in the middle of a war. It's been two weeks since we crash-landed on the mountain, and we're now in a boat, heading eastwards back to Japan. Please wake up and remember, we need you, I need you - it's lonely when you're the only one who forgets."
"W-What are you saying, Alice?" he spluttered as horrifying images flashed through his mind, fragments of a reality, a hell that could have only been a nightmare. Yet, no matter how hard he tried, he could not suppress the growing pain in his chest and the sinking feeling in his heart, in the face of dreams that were so vivid and real.
"We're the only ones left, Kirito!" she cried, unable to hold in her anguish any longer, "Just you and me. Everyone else is–"
Dead.
A bomb went off in his head, and in that very moment, he remembered.
Memories poured like a hurricane through the cracks of his shattered mind, no longer contained by the floodgates of denial that had kept him sane. He could feel the cold, stiff, limp, lifeless corpses of Asuna, Rika, Keiko and Shino in his arms as he buried them, covering their once-warm bodies with dirt, mud and snow, leaving them to rot in the ground and feed the worms and flies. He could taste the salt in the blood of the humans that he had slaughtered and massacred, spattered carelessly across his cheeks and dripping from his hands - the appendages of a monster that had brutally ended, terminated and obliterated the lives of so many men.
Screaming in agony, he flew back into the bed, covering himself under the tattered sheets to hide from the wretched reality that he was in, only for his thoughts and emotions to tear him apart and eat him alive. He recalled the pathetic end to the battle the night before, how he had been utterly trashed, beaten and destroyed by electric batons and truncheons into a miserable mess of a man, and he vaguely remembered the blonde knight dragging his weak and useless body back to the underdeck of the trawler and onto the bunk that he was lying on–
Which was where Sugu was supposed to be resting, sick and delirious from her infection.
An ominous sense of dread struck him at that very instant. Springing to his feet, he looked around, throwing open drawers and cabinets in blind and frenzied desperation, as if she ever could have squeezed herself into such narrow spaces to begin with. Stunned by the outburst, the android could only stand aside, watching in muted shock and bewilderment as he ransacked the room and flipped the furniture.
"W-Where's Sugu?" he demanded, grabbing and shaking her by the shoulders in his growing panic and impatience, "Isn't she supposed to be here? Is she resting somewhere else or did she suddenly recover? Is she waiting for us outside or–"
"Kirito, stop," she cut him short, prying his hands away to pull him into a hug.
"Why wasn't Sugu here last night?" he continued, inconsolable as he broke out of her embrace, "Why did you say that we're the only ones left and that everyone else is–"
No, this can't be true. This can't be real. This can't be happening
"S-Suguha, s-she's–"
He had heard enough. Somehow, he already knew. As much as he hated it, the cold, ugly truth had already burned itself into his mind.
Yelling to drown out the rest of her reply, he burst out of the door to look for his one and only sibling, the girl whom he had vowed to protect to the ends of the earth. Yet all that he could see was an empty outer deck, cleared of the bodies that had littered the floor and cleansed of the blood that had stained the wood.
In the bright morning sun, the boat was skimming smoothly over the water, the engine rumbling merrily in the breeze. He turned to find the pink-haired airhead at the helm, waving politely at him as she guided the trawler towards the skyline in the distance, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if nothing was out of place in the universe but himself.
In the deafening silence, he fell to his knees, unable to accept much less understand the serene peace around him. It was as if the battle had been forgotten, ignored, cast aside, as if he was the only one who had gone crazy, the only one who was broken with grief and suffering in an absurd yet apathetic reality.
Perhaps he was truly alone, a speck of dust in the desolate sea - insignificant, infinitesimal, nothing, just like his little sister who was gone in the water and with the wind.
A pair of comforting arms hugged him from behind, and he relented, drained, allowing his tired soul to lean on her chest, too exhausted to cry even as her warm tears fell on his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Alice," he sighed, "I don't even know what to think or do anymore."
"It's okay, Kirito, I don't know what to feel or say either."
"H-How did she die?" he asked, bracing himself for the answers that he had to know.
Inhaling deeply to prepare herself, she told him about her heroic deeds and noble sacrifice as tears streamed down his face. Her voice quivered midway through, but she made sure to finish before allowing her emotions to take over. The goddess of earth had smiled till the very end, so how could she weep when reciting her legends?
"A-After the red-haired girl took the Professor and escaped in a boat, I cleaned up the deck and made sure to salvage what I could from the bodies before dumping them overboard, b-but I just couldn't bear to see–"
"It's okay, Alice, you don't have to explain. It's not easy to do what you did."
"I-I had to, I'm the only one who wasn't injured, even though it's my fault that everyone else is. Yet everybody is trying so hard and giving their best for me, for us. Even Yui is steering the boat with Hachiman and Maho resting beside her. If anyone deserves to die, it's me, I-I really don't think I can live like this any longer."
"Don't say that, Alice, you're making me feel bad. At least you didn't fail your little sister like I did mine. All she wanted was for me to bring her home to see mom again, and I couldn't even do that. And to think that the last thing I ever did was to run away from her while she was lying sick on that bed. Now she's dead, gone forever, at the bottom of a sea or a lake in the middle of God knows where, I-I'll never have the chance to say goodbye, or thank you, or all the things I've always wanted to tell her."
"Actually, Kirito, I–" she stammered, hesitating before motioning for him to follow her. More puzzled than curious, he obliged, and she brought him to the familiar storage area, only to stop before the metal door, her hands trembling over the handle, unable to bring herself to pull it open.
"Alice," he assured as she shuddered, "You don't have to go in there if you don't want to."
"B-But H-Hachiman told me to–"
"You don't have to do what he says," he interjected before she could finish, "If these metal walls could really stop the tracker, you'd be undetectable in the back of a van if someone ever tried to kidnap you. Besides, it's not right to force anybody to stay in there with the claustrophobic darkness and the stench of someone's dead-fish eyes–"
"That's not what I mean!" she exploded as he froze in surprise, "Sorry, Kirito, I-I just didn't know how to break it to you. I jumped into the water but I didn't know when you'd wake up, or when we'd reach shore, that's why he asked me to–"
No. Please don't tell me–
He reached forward to grasp the handle, the condensation on the surface numbing his palms. Amidst the constant rumble, he could hear the whir of fan blades feeding the rusty pipes.
The refrigerator was on, and something was inside.
Time slowed as his heart raced. There was no turning back.
Roaring, he threw the door open.
The smell of rotting fish hit him in the face as he staggered in shock. In the dim illumination of a single lightbulb, a figure lay still and motionless on the otherwise empty floor, covered in towels and blankets soaked in frozen blood.
He tensed, shivering uncontrollably. Was this some kind of cruel joke? Was this one of the enemies that he had brutally killed, no, destroyed?
Gritting his teeth to steel himself, he crawled towards the corpse, inching closer to reveal the truth. Behind him, Alice looked away, unable to watch as he pinched the edge of the shroud and pulled.
The world froze over as he saw the cheeks that were deathly pale and the throat that had been stabbed through. Gaping wounds that had long stopped bleeding lined the chest and abdomen, exposing bone and flesh devoid of blood and plasma that was the dark stain on the floor. He reached out to touch the soft smile on her face, only to retract his fingers at the icy sensation of her whitened lips.
In that moment, he knew that this was the punishment, the karmic retribution for his unforgivable sins, which had been borne by none other than his dear and beloved sister.
In that moment, he knew that even if he could live and fight on to clear the game that he was hopelessly stuck in, he had already lost.
And in that moment, like the selfish, cowardly escapist that he truly was, he blacked out.
After all, with no windows to jump out from and no virtual worlds to dive into, the darkness within was the only respite from the darkness around.
The dead-fish eyed loner found himself dreaming of a cursed reality, an anarchic hell that was red in tooth and claw. With no purpose or meaning but to live and die another day, it was truly a terrible nightmare, and he wanted to wake up and open his eyes to a better world.
Yet, he decided to stay asleep for a little longer, if only for the girl with the long, dark hair. She was here before him, in the depths of his mind, and he gazed at her, transfixed, afraid that she would vanish the moment he blinked.
"Stop dreaming, Mr. Dead Fish Eyes," she snapped as he stumbled towards her, to hold her back before she could slip through his fingers, "You aren't the real thing and neither am I."
"Disgusting," she spat as he caught her arm from behind, "Comforting yourself with an illusion that you know is nothing but a figment of your imagination."
"I don't know, Yukino," he replied before she could wriggle away from his grasp, "I think I've been stuck here with frie–, I mean, party members who dream of entire worlds and lifetimes for far too long to know or care about the difference anymore."
"I know that, Hikigaya," she muttered, softening a little as she stared at him from the corner of her eye, "I'm a part of your consciousness. I know everything that you'd ever want to think or do or say before you can even–"
"But I still want to say it," he cut her short, stepping forward to meet her gaze, "And I still want to hear your reply."
"Yukino," he began, inhaling deeply to muster his courage, "I–"
"Stop!" she exclaimed before he could finish, "I-I'm already dead! P-Please don't say whatever I think you're about to say."
"I never had the chance to tell you before, but I think I should," he smiled, "I'm not sure if it'll make you happy, or if it's what you really want, but I'll say it anyway - for you, and perhaps for myself."
"Yukino, thank you for everything, but I love Yui," he continued before she could interrupt, bowing deeply in gratitude and apology, "And I'll take care of her, just like how she'll take care of me."
"I see," was all she said with a rueful grin, "It seems I've chosen to love a man of his word, and I'm glad that I'm not mistaken."
"Don't ever miss me, Hikigaya-kun," she laughed as she turned to walk away once more, "And please don't ever make her miss you."
With that, he woke up.
In the midday sun, the pink-haired girl was at the helm, beads of perspiration trickling down her back. She had to concentrate, after all, on the fragments of knowledge washing into her head, not wanting to break the stream and lose the flow from the time just hours ago when she found herself blasting half a dozen explosive rounds at the fleeing enemy speedboat.
"Admiral, you're finally awake!" she cried, allowing herself to be distracted for a second.
"Yes, I am," he chuckled, raising his arms in a weak salute, "Captain."
"You're smiling," she giggled, shifting her focus back on the horizon, "Was it a good dream?"
In the peaceful quiet, he did not reply, holding in the pain as he crawled out of bed to stand by her side.
"Yes, it was," he whispered beside her, placing a comforting hand over her shoulders, "Yes, it was, my dear Yui."
Kirito opened his eyes to the dim underdeck, the dust from the furniture tickling his throat. He coughed, rising from the old bunk, only to find a tall, beautiful girl standing at the doorway, her long, blonde hair tied in a high ponytail with the distinctive yet familiar shape of three petals on her hairband.
"K-Kazuto," she called his name in a voice that was a little deeper than usual.
In the mesmerising silence, he froze, stunned at the sight, rubbing his eyes as he imagined the green dress and the translucent wings on her back.
"Lea–" he almost uttered without realizing, clutching at the faint sliver of hope that he had somehow woken up in the Log Cabin, only to catch himself at the last moment.
"Alice," he quickly corrected himself, reaching out to hold her hand, "You really don't have to do this. She's already dead, lying on the cold floor of the freezer–"
"B-But I want to, K-Kazuto," she insisted, addressing him by his first name once again, "Because she isn't gone as long as we remember. Isn't this how she used to look like in the world that she loved, where she could fly around, happy and free? I don't know, my memories are a jumbled mess, but I'd never want to forget."
"Yes, Alice," he nodded, pulling her into a warm embrace, "Her name was Leafa, the bravest of the Sylphs, the best in all of ALfheim, the heroine who helped a certain Spriggan ascend the World Tree, to defeat the evil King Oberon and rescue his beloved Undine princess."
"Her name was Terraria," she echoed, tightening her arms around him, "The Goddess of Earth and Land. She braved her pain and injuries to fight a thousand enemies, and no water, sea or lake could ever extinguish her flames."
"That's my one and only little sister, Sugu."
"My rival and saviour to the very end, Kirigaya Suguha."
Hiyajo Maho was in a world of pain. In the cold, excruciating darkness, she found herself back at the familiar lab at Viktor Chondria University, where she had met the red-haired genius - the girl who was ever brilliant and dazzling, a shining star in an otherwise unyielding universe.
She would give anything to travel back to those bygone days - to the time before Kurisu had died, the time before World War III, the time before the time machine had exploded and Okabe had disappeared without a trace. Yet here she was, stuck in enemy hands, on a boat in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to show for but unbearable agony and immutable betrayal.
Looking back in hindsight, she had known of the Professor's treachery from the moment he had turned on Okabe, but even she had not expected him to shoot her without so much as a second thought. What exactly had happened on that rooftop? Where, when, how and why had it all gone wrong? These were the burning questions that she had been asking herself in the past two weeks on the Borealis, where she had been held with their old friend Kunosato Mio and teenage prodigy Nanairo Arshavin, mostly against her will and her conscience, but partly in complicity with her selfish desire to live on, even if it meant turning a blind eye to the cruelty and brutality that was often out of sight.
That was why she had insisted on following him on a mission for once, to see for herself the evil that she had so cowardly ignored and denied amidst the fear of her mortality, to witness with her naked eyes the unforgivable sins and unconscionable crimes that she had committed through his hands, if only to muster the courage to stop hanging onto life like a hapless addict and to start swimming away like Daru had done when she had released him from the confines of his watery prison.
And that was why, amidst the torment and the suffering, she had just wanted to give up. It was the only way she could forgive herself, the only way she could forget.
Yet they had saved her - the pink-haired airhead and the android that they were supposed to capture, even the young man with the dead-fish eyes who had taken her hostage and had nearly slit her throat in his haste.
She certainly did not deserve any of this kindness, not after what she had done.
"Just kill me," she hissed the moment she opened her eyes, "I-I don't want to live anymore."
"Why would you even say that?" the pink-haired airhead was quick to interrupt, "You're still in middle-school, Maho-chan, you still have a long way ahead of you."
Middle school? Maho-chan? Who on earth does she think she is?
"Y-You high-schoolers," she stammered, flustered, "I-I'll have you know that I'm legally an adult and a graduate researcher at a renowned university."
"I see, well yahallo Maho, I'm Yui," the girl introduced herself, diving straight into first names and waving at her in the same manner as the other airhead who loved a certain catchphrase, "And this is Hikki, my boy–, I mean partner."
Hikki huh, just like the nickname 'Okarin'–
Stop the charade, Maho, they aren't your friends, even if they may remind you a little of the Lab Mems - they're the enemy, the vengeful victims of your heinous crimes.
You wouldn't want to get to know your captors, would you?
"Whatever you say, bitch," she snarled, forcing on a tough persona, "Just kill me and be done with it."
"You don't get to call her that," snapped the young man called 'Hikki' despite a slight waver in his otherwise firm statement, "Say it again and I'll grant your wish this very instant."
"Just do it, Mr. Dead-Fish Eyes, I don't care!"
"Hikki!" Yui cried in alarm as he proceeded to pull out his handgun.
In the next second, the self-proclaimed researcher found herself staring at the cold, hard barrel, the wound in her upper abdomen gripped by shocking pain. She could hear the resounding gunshot echoing in her ears, trembling in the sensation of exploding flesh. She remembered the cut on her throat under his trembling blade, and as she saw his finger hovering over the trigger, she could not help but cower in instinctual terror.
Maho, you useless coward, she sobbed, hyperventilating and gasping for air even as she had ironically asked for death. Time seemed to slow as her heart pounded, cold sweat trickling down her spine, and she closed her eyes, unable to watch her own final moments in the blinding fear overwhelming her senses.
Click. She screamed at the sound of the firing pin striking the emptiness of the chamber.
Coughing and choking as tears poured down her cheeks, she was surprised yet relieved that she had somehow survived. Heaving to catch her breath, she opened her eyes to see that a puddle had formed between her legs, not that she cared as long as she was still alive.
"Just admit that you want to live because you're too scared to die," he muttered as he lowered his gun, "And you'll find that you're far from the only one."
"Huh?"
"The enemy of the enemy is a friend, Hiyajo-san," he said, extending his hand, "Welcome to the party, I'm Hikigaya Hachiman, and we're on a journey– I mean, a quest back to Japan."
"W-What are you saying, you chuunibyou! Why'd I even join you on your stupid adventure? A-And how'd you know if I'm not a spy or a saboteur?"
"I don't know," he admitted, "But I'd like to think that you aren't one. I never thought I'd say this, but a friend more is a foe less - it's a little lonely when the whole world is against us."
"Besides, we need everyone on board and every hand on deck," the young man in black joined in from the doorway, "But more importantly, we're all friends here, and we choose to trust you."
Friends? How can you even say that you were nearly beaten to death by my former mentor?
"Which reminds me," the dead-fish eyed boy bowed in sincere apology, "Hiyajo-san, sorry for injuring you during the fight last night."
Why are you even grovelling when I should be the one begging for forgiveness? I don't think I can ever bring myself to blame you if you'd killed me for what I'd done.
Somehow, she found herself on her knees, her forehead on the floor in a tearful dogeza. It was the only way she could respond to their mercy and graciousness - not that she could ever atone in a million years.
"Hiyajo-san," said the voice she dreaded in a tone she would never have expected, "We may not be friends but I'd consider you an ally. Let's avenge Terraria together, shall we?"
Nodding, she allowed the blonde knight to pull her back to her feet, gazing at the synthetic eyes that were as warm as the surrounding sky.
Thank you, Alice, when I'm feeling better, please teach me how to fight.
A/N: Chapter title a reference to Aincrad (An Incarnation of a Radius) and Steins;Gate 0.
Some emotional closure for the three representatives of their respective franchises (Kirito, Hachiman, Maho) with the themes of grief / memories, love / consciousness and friendship / forgiveness.
Meanwhile, a tragic end for best girl Suguha but given the circumstances, I'm sure she would've chosen to die fighting for her beloved onii-chan any day instead of wasting away on a musty old bunk.
The next chapter will be the finale / aftermath of part I + teaser for part II (fourth to sixth arcs - depending on feedback and response).
Thank you for your support and as always, favs / follows and reviews highly appreciated.