Last chapter! I'll be posting the replacement story today, too. Thanks for reading all the way to the end! Enjoy~
Two days later, he hesitantly walked into class, gripping his sling backpack tightly. Everyone had looked at him, but so many of them said they weren't angry at him it wasn't his fault. He didn't know what to do, since this wasn't what he expected to happen. He never expected to walk in these halls ever again.
He wasn't faking anymore. He had the bags under his eyes visible, frowning and not plastering a fake smile on his face to please everybody else. When his classmates noticed him in the doorway, they flocked to him and all started talking at once, saying they were sorry for not noticing, that things would be better now. They weren't mad at him at all.
Luffy didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. He shyly walked to his desk. Everyone noticed his demeanor, finally seeing the real him, and sat down around him, talking to themselves, acting normal, but still close to him.
One person who hadn't said a thing but wasn't glaring was Bakugo. A look of actual pity was on his face. Luffy ignored it, looking down. He forgot to record that day's meeting. No, he'd not do that anymore. When Aizawa walked in, Luffy automatically started filming until he closed his eyes and shook his head.
Todoroki wasn't angry at him, just looked a little upset. He'd apologized profusely for not noticing. Luffy didn't blame him as nobody had noticed. Midoriya asked if he was okay from the shaking of his head. He nodded but said nothing. He would stop the lying. It might be hard but it was shameful if it was easier to stop than it was to start.
Aizawa said it was good to have Luffy back, skipping over everything and getting on with it, class starting normally. The day was abnormally normal, with him quiet and able to show how he really felt. After school, he went home, face sad and tired.
He did his homework and quickly wanted to get back to normal, and went out on patrol with Hawks. He was silent and sad looking, and Hawks seemed happy with it. Luffy knew why, he wasn't faking anymore.
"I'm sorry I lied to you about how I was feeling," Luffy said while they were flying over the more dangerous part of the city. Hawks said he knew why he did it, and just hoped he wouldn't do it anymore. Luffy promised he'd do his best not to.
Hawks knew that it would be hard for him to completely go back to normal, since it was the same for him. They stayed in the air most of the time so Luffy didn't need to interact with anybody at the moment. They did stop a mugging, but Luffy went to the closest roof while Hawks waited for the police to arrive.
After that, Luffy saw Tokoyami in the office and closed the door before he could notice Luffy had opened it. He went home to do the logs and brought it back downstairs to turn in before going upstairs to work.
He went online, seeing he was forwarded something from Todoroki. It was a speech by the president. You could hear yelling and chanting from outside wherever she was at the moment. Her poker face was on as she announced her resignation. Luffy hadn't expected that to happen so quickly, but grinned.
He bent over and put his face in his hands, letting out tears of happiness and relief. He'd ruined her. She was going to be replaced by somebody elected by the people. The backlash was so severe that she resigned.
Was it heartless that Luffy didn't care about her getting death threats? No, it wasn't heartless. He was in a better mood the rest of the night, and Hawks was so happy with what Luffy's honest video had caused to happen. If he had been some nobody, it might not have been this severe, but Luffy was still popular. During patrols were when he was happiest.
He got positive reactions from people he weren't lying to, and didn't need to think of anything other than his job. Nobody noticed his pain because he wasn't in pain when patrolling. He was asked to do an interview by some news outlets, but Luffy replied that he wanted things to calm down a bit before that.
He got no backlash himself. Everything was falling back into place. But, it would take awhile for him to be confident again and no longer feel like scum. He found himself plastering on a smile, but Hawks would look at him with an encouraging look, encouraging him to be sad. To not hide his feelings.
Hawks didn't get sad when Luffy spent the evening in his room. He needed time alone, being surrounded by other people all day was hard. Even with people he hadn't been deceiving. It was a week later that he was at his doctor's office and was given the all clear about his quirk nerves. It was lucky when he broke his neck it didn't damage the nerves before they healed again.
She prescribed him some anti-depressants. He was glad to have them, and after taking it for a week or so, he started to feel the effects. He was crying alone less, spending time talking Ace over the phone a lot now that he felt safe to do so. He encouraged Luffy to be himself and he was welcome to speak honestly with Ace anytime he wanted.
He was so understanding. It was amazing, and Luffy was glad he'd looked for Luffy and found him. He went out to lunch with him and explained everything personally, even though he'd pretty much said everything in the video. He just needed to explain his feelings to someone who wouldn't feel guilty about not seeing.
"It's over now," Ace said calmly. "Your video was a success and your torturer has resigned, no longer having her power. You did the right thing, and you had done what you could and had to do." Luffy mulled his food around his plate with his fork.
"I wonder when the next bad thing will happen," he said quietly. Ace said they could only wait and see how the future played out. "Thanks. For not trying to convince me that things will be better now." Ace nodded with a smile. What Luffy needed right now was honest truth. Hawks thought what he was saying was true. It just didn't feel that way.
"I think if I hadn't gone to UA, I wouldn't have had all of these problems," Luffy said quietly. Ace amended that it was probably true, but he had no idea in the beginning that things would turn out this way. "I know, but still. I can't help thinking that." Then he changed it. "No, none of this would have happened if I had a normal quirk."
Ace took his hand that wasn't holding the fork. "There's nothing you can do about your quirk."
"Sometimes I wish I could just cut all of the nerves. But they'd all grow back. I'm stuck with it. And I don't want to use other powers anymore." Ace said he didn't have to. "I will try not to. I don't want to be used again. It's too much. I don't know how much more I can handle before I break completely."
Ace didn't ask to know what he meant by break, probably knowing Luffy would say nothing and would feel put under a microscope. "You have understanding friends and Hawks and me. And your teachers care about you, too."
He clenched his hand. "They shouldn't. Nobody should trust me after everything that happened," Luffy mumbled. Ace said he couldn't change their opinions of him. "My grades have started slipping. I'm just so tired when I go home that I just barely complete my homework. I tanked a test the other day. It was a small quiz, but I tanked it anyway."
Ace frowned sadly. "I've always don't great at my homework and school work. Always, no matter how upset I was. But this is different from when I was attacked. I did this. I willingly did all of this. Maybe if I fail they'll kick me out."
"Do you want that?" Luffy shrugged, saying he wasn't sure anymore. He was glad to go back when he was offered, but he felt like he was drowning in guilt every time class started. Every time he got up early, thinking he had to go record the staff meetings. It had become a mindless routine over the months. "It'll take awhile to get out of the cycle. I know it will, but you'll get through it with support from people who care about you."
"Hawks said I should go to counseling," Luffy replied. Ace said it sounded like a good idea. "I know. I spilled all my problems to the public, it shouldn't be hard to do it to a licensed therapist." Luffy looked back at his food, which was now cold. He hadn't eaten much. He didn't have much of an appetite anymore, but still made dinner.
Luffy said things had been different when he was a spy. A lot different. "I felt like I had a purpose. To do the mission, to make sure I didn't upset anybody with my true feelings. Now I feel like I have no real purpose."
"You want to still become a sidekick, right?" Luffy nodded, saying that was still his dream. "School is the goal of you becoming a sidekick. You don't need to have a 100% on everything, Luffy. There's nothing wrong with a B, or a C either. Do you know your grades right now?"
"92%," Luffy replied. Ace didn't tell him he was ridiculous for being upset over a 92%.
Ace said, "Nobody expects a student to have 100% all year. You had it that way all year last year. Has everybody's grades slipped?" Luffy nodded, saying people were still overwhelmed by the amount of work.
"But they're slipping for another reason. My reason is that I'm so apathetic about everything. Besides patrols, but even then I'm sad and Hawks does most of the work. Even with the pills, I still feel terrible." Ace frowned deeply, looking up with a deep breath. He said that he thought counseling was a really good idea. And talking to his teachers about his slipping grades.
Luffy nodded. But he didn't know what they'd say, probably that he had to deal with his problems if he wanted good grades. His emotions shouldn't let him have it easier than the others. They were trying so hard and Luffy wasn't anymore. He was doing fine, but not good to him. And it was scary, not doing well. He didn't want to get a B, he'd never had one before.
He was stupid. So stupid. He couldn't do anything right but lie. He couldn't do anything. Tears started slipping from his eyes and he wiped them with his napkin under his visor. He wanted to go home. "Can I go home now?" he asked quietly.
"Absolutely," Ace said kindly, and put the money down, cash, to pay for the food. Luffy let him pay since he'd been the one to offer to go out to eat and said at the beginning it was his treat. He drove Luffy home, him not wanting to be alone, even if he was embarrassed. His bottom lip was trembling the whole ride, which wasn't too far from home.
Luffy hugged Ace and then grew his wings to fly up home. He found a box on the counter waiting for him. He opened it to see his favorite cookies from the bakery he'd first tried after being taken in. He ate some, but they tasted like ash on his tongue. And he had tasted ash before, when he was in the slums.
It was nice that Hawks took his break to buy him cookies. It was a Saturday, and he was happy he no longer had to spend it at the commission. He went to his room and pulled out homework from his backpack.
He looked at all of the little beads in his mentos container. He tossed them in the trash before going to his desk at the window and attempting to do his math. It took his two hours to complete something that should have taken him 20 minutes. Hawks came in while he was looking over the work again, eyes slow and brain slower.
"Hey, Luffy. How'd your lunch with Ace go?" he asked immediately, before even taking his visor off.
"Started crying at the table," Luffy said honestly, not wanting to lie anymore. "Everything is so hard. Getting up in the morning is so exhausting. School is exhausting. I have a 92% after getting a D on a quiz." Hawks sat on the floor next to the desk near where Merry was sunbathing.
"It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to be emotional or not emotional at all. Be yourself, even if you don't like who you are right now," he said softly. Luffy just sighed and hung his head lower. He asked when the next bad thing would happen. "We don't know if it will. But at least we know it won't be the government or the League of Villains or nomus."
"The next bad thing to happen to me is me. I'm my enemy right now. And I'm so weak against it. It's hard not filming everything, not going to record their meetings, not lying to everyone… When will I go back to normal?" he asked, voice flat even though tears were down his cheeks.
Hawks said a lot of people go through depression after traumatic events. "It's not only you, you're not alone. There's nothing wrong with you, and you're not weak. I know you don't believe it, but I promised to always tell the truth, right?"
Luffy nodded, and apologized for lying. He'd apologized for it so many times. "I forgive you," was what Hawks said every time. He never tried to get Luffy to stop apologizing. He knew it would take time for him to not feel guilty, so Hawks didn't push him. He knew him too well to make a mistake like that.
This was much more personal than Luffy not wanting Hawks to spend more money on him. Luffy said he still felt weak, even if everyone told him he wasn't. Even if his friends tried to make him feel better, he couldn't bring himself to fake happiness. They tried, and he appreciated their efforts, but they just weren't working.
They tried to text him and invite him to go places, but he declined, always saying he had homework to finish, which was true. Nobody got upset, nobody compared him to his fakeery. When he was happy and pretended to be normal.
Sunday was spent with him flying around the country, Hawks going with him from a bit behind. Luffy asked him to come with him. Hawks did so but at a distance so Luffy could feel independent and not needing to please anyone like he was so used to doing. He was bad at pleasing anybody now. He hurt them and made them feel sad. He didn't want to do that, but just couldn't fake. Didn't want to ever fake again, even if it made him feel weak.
They went to the mountain and down to the cave, where the chair and speakers still were. A tarp was over the puddle so he couldn't fall in. Hawks put it there awhile ago in case he ever wanted to go to the cave again. He stared at all of the bugs.
He smiled, remembering the days where he thought his wings were growing back. He didn't touch any of them, of course. They didn't stay long before flying out. Then they went to Luffy's training ground where he halfheartedly used his quirks. He no longer was favoring the camera one, which was good.
Dr. Ito told him a couple months of using that one more than the others was not 7 years, so he didn't need to worry, though he should work to balance them out again. So he did. He didn't use it anymore, being as good as he could at something.
Hawks was nice and dealt with the freezing wind and snow for Luffy. The teen just stood there for a bit, and the pro-hero never got irritated with him. He was patient and understanding. He was wonderful and Luffy was glad he knew him so well while he was going through this.
-x-
"Luffy, can I speak to you at lunch?" Aizawa asked after homeroom and the class about the work studies was over. Luffy nodded slowly, not making eye contact. His friends sat around him, not trying to get him to talk but also not ignoring him. It made Luffy feel good. He wasn't all alone even if he wasn't speaking to them.
When lunch came, he went to the staff room, not bringing the camera out, miraculously. He sat at the chair pulled up next to Aizawa. "I know I'm just your homeroom teacher, but I'm concerned about you, and want to help. Your grades are slipping and you're depressed all the time. I would like to know if there's anything any of us can do to help." Luffy didn't look up.
"Everything is hard. I don't want to do anything anymore. I wait until my homework is all piled up to do it finally. It takes forever to do simple math," Luffy confessed, more like whined, in a flat, emotionless voice.
Aizawa gave him a weirdly understanding look and pulled out a piece of paper. "It may be out of line, but I've printed out a list of good counselors. I did research and picked the ones I think would be most understanding." Luffy took the paper and put it in his lap.
"You don't have to do that," Luffy said. Aizawa asked what he meant. "You don't have to pretend that you care. It's fine."
"I'm not pretending, Luffy."
"I don't deserve for anybody to be nice to me anymore," he said in a tired voice. He looked down at the paper. It was nice of Aizawa to do, but Luffy couldn't see any reason he did it for him. Aizawa put his hand on his shoulder gently. He felt like a little kid again. Weak and small.
"You deserve to be happy, Luffy. What you did was against your will. You wanted to protect someone you love and you did questionable things to do so, under the force of someone who could ruin you. Nobody blames you for it. Nobody, not your teachers, your classmates, your friends, your family, most of the public. Nobody blames you."
I blame myself. I blame myself for being weak, for losing my wings, for being a cry baby about everything, for getting tricked, for betraying the trust of people who care. Everything is my fault.
"Okay," Luffy said tonelessly, closing up and not willing to talk about it anymore.
-x-
Luffy finished his homework, and was looking at the mirror in his bathroom, the door locked. He was holding a pair of scissors. He didn't want to go into Hawks' room and take any of his razors. He'd never banned Luffy from his room, but Luffy just didn't go in there. Except when he pranked Hawks about pretending Merry peed on his bed.
He was so happy then. Without a second thought, he dragged the scissor across his skin, up his arm, along his forearm. He watched it heal. He hadn't felt any pain. He thought people cut because it made them feel something other than their sadness. He guessed his body had felt so much pain before now that something like a scissor cut wouldn't register.
He put the scissors down before looking at what he'd done and his eyes widening, finally realizing just how bad it was. He slammed his hands down on the bathroom counter, but not hard enough to break it. He was breathing heavily. He… he needed help. He couldn't leave Hawks. He didn't want to die, he wanted to get better. Then Hawks would be happy again.
He washed the scissors off and went and curled up by the window, wings out and wrapped around him, something he did only when he was extremely upset. He watched the sky go from blue to red to dark purple when Hawks opened the front door, hurrying in like he did now, checking Luffy.
"I should go somewhere," Luffy said in a flat voice. Hawks asked if he wanted to go on a flight since it was Friday and he didn't have school in the morning. "I mean somewhere to help me. I cut myself. It didn't work though. I think I need help." Hawks was silent, but Luffy saw him in the reflection of the window.
His face crumpled and he walked to Luffy sitting down beside him and wrapping his right wing around Luffy, sitting close to him. "Where do you want to go?" he asked quietly.
"I… I don't know. I don't know where to go. I feel empty and scared," Luffy said. He looked back out the window. "I want to be happy again," he sighed, voice scratchy in his throat. Hawks quietly and gently asked if he had suicidal thoughts. "I can't leave you and make you sad."
"But do you want to live?" he asked, voice hurried and worried and scared. Luffy felt bad for making him feel that way.
Luffy nodded. "I want to be happy again," he repeated. "I don't like this." He hadn't really answered the question, not really knowing how to.
Hawks pulled him closer with his wing, resting his cheek on Luffy's head. "We'll fight to make you happy again."
-x-
He was only there a week. And it wasn't like movies made it seem. He met nice people and made shitty paintings and had therapy. It wasn't scary, and he almost enjoyed being with people who had the same problems as him. He didn't pretend or feel guilty being sad around them. They were all self-harmers, some were like Luffy who did it once and realized they needed help.
He did miss Hawks and Merry, but being separated from the internet and his phone was nice, too. He was sure he was going to get better once he left. He took therapy twice a day each day for an hour. It was enough. He was told by doctors that people who were used like he was weren't just in Japan.
He was shown support groups with an alarming number of people like him. He didn't know it yet, but his story had been all around the world, and protests erupted in major cities to change the ways some hero branches of governments worked.
So, he signed up for those internet groups to talk to them. His therapist told him the group was monitored and any hateful comments were removed for the mental safety of those taking part in it. He was not embarrassed to be there, and it wasn't public. He was told his teachers wouldn't even know where he went. Just that he was hospitalized.
His friends wouldn't know, either. He was glad of that.
The week was short. He got there Sunday and left on Sunday, with new medications and coping mechanisms. Journals and sketchbooks where he could write or draw his feelings. It was nice, and his journal was already stuffed full.
Those that recognized him there didn't mention a word about his hero life. And many had been admitted after they saw his video. Nobody mentioned his life outside of there, and he was glad. So, on the day he left, new medication prescribed, he ran out to Hawks in the lobby, smiling. Hawks looked shocked but grinned. Luffy hugged him and Hawks hugged him back.
"Bye, Mandy!" Luffy said to the lady that checked him in. She waved goodbye happily. They both flew away back home. And didn't say a word about his stay there. Luffy didn't talk about it and Hawks didn't ask, other than Hawks saying he got the medication for Luffy already.
He ran to Merry and picked her up, hugging her until she squirmed and squawked to be let go. He was happy, and felt lighter. He was going to see a new therapist who his temporary one had recommended.
Luffy did tell Hawks about how many people actually could sympathize with his situation around the world. It didn't make Hawks happy, that was true, but happy Luffy wasn't alone in it. "Your story traveled around the world, Luffy," Hawks said on the couch while they watched shitty reality TV shows, both in pajamas with Merry purring in Luffy's lap.
"Really?"
"Yup, there are protests in other countries about changing the way their hero society works," he said with a grin. "I feel satisfied. Very satisfied."
Luffy said he wished Hawks' story had been what changed things. "Nah, I don't think people would have been as upset if I came out of it at 22 and already successful, y'know? You had just the wrong circumstances to change things. You're a real hero, Luffy. I'm really proud I picked you up."
"I'm a successful stray I guess," Luffy replied. "At least I didn't bring fleas here." Hawks grinned widely, seeing a side of Luffy hadn't seen in months. He agreed that fleas would have sucked. They talked some more, not really paying attention to the TV.
Luffy was going to be out another couple days, and during those days he caught up on everything and was able to retake the tests he'd tanked out of sheer pity from his teachers. He was thankful for it. When he went to school and back to being a hero, he was back to being happy. He smiled and took photos with the kids.
He hung out with his friends, who didn't know why he was gone, but were just happy he was back. His online friends were nice, and they all talked about being grateful for "that Luffy from Japan". Nobody knew that was him, as his username was not his real name. He smiled at it, saying he was glad as well.
More things might go wrong some day, but he wasn't going to wait for them to come with bated breath, always afraid of what else would be ruined. For now, he was happy and he'd savor it without thinking it was his last time of being happy.
He'd been through too much and made it out to see himself as unable to get through what was next. He might need help, but he knew he'd get it. Hawks was always there for him, and he had others to help him be strong, too. Ace, his friends, his teachers who seemed to have truly forgiven him. The strangers on the street and online who still liked him.
And again, Luffy made it to number 5 in approval rating. Hawks was number 1 this time. Luffy was more confident then, feeling that maybe he actually deserved to be seen as good. And it might have only been because of his honest video, he didn't know. But he was happy he changed the world, even if it might not be much in the long run.
He was happy, so happy he was picked up that day, covered in nails, by somebody whose first words from Luffy were to fuck off. He kept Luffy and he couldn't be more grateful.
-the end.
After everything I put Luffy through in this, I gave him a for now happy ending. There is no sequel or anything. It's almost been a year of posting this! Wow! Anyways, thanks for reviewing and reading!