Just Leave

Lan Wangji tried to comprehend what had truly happened. Did Jiang Cheng truly demand from him to tell Wei Ying about his feelings? Did it mean that the Yiling Patriarch… It was hard to finish this question even in his own thoughts. He walked towards the bed, his heart in his throat.

His Wei Ying seemed to be asleep. His face was wet from sweat and tears. He looked so miserable. Lan Wangji remembered the pain inflicted by the injuries while he was watching his soulmate. He remembered the unwelcome touch. His own blood was boiling with rage.

How can I sit here? How can I talk to him when I've failed him so terribly?

"Do you hate me so much?", a whisper surprised him.

Hanguang-jun realized that he was kneeling stiffly near the bed, unable to make a move.

"I don't hate Wei Ying", he replied without hesitation.

"Lan Zhan…", the sadness and resignation in Wei Wuxian's voice hit him hard, "I understand… you don't have to be here… You should track them down so they cannot hurt you.", Wei Ying did not open his eyes. He was clearly expecting pain.

He's so sure I'll hurt him!

"My place is at Wei Ying's side.", the Second Jade replied slowly. He was aware of Jiang Cheng's angry presence and hoped that he would be granted some time for this conversation.

"Why? Oh, I know, you're so noble and honorable, Lan Zhan! You don't have to sacrifice yourself for a person like me. Don't make your regret destroy your life! You're the Chief Cultivator! Just forget about the Yiling Patriarch. You have well-deserved respect and you can make a difference in the cultivation world… you're the best...don't allow me to tarnish your reputation…", Wei Ying was mumbling and Lan Zhan could not listen to him. Obviously to interrupt others was a rule violation but it did not seem to matter.

"Wei Ying!", he said and the wounded man stopped in mid-sentence, "Please look at me!", Lan Wangji continued. It was the first, easy part. Wei Wuxian opened his eyes, slowly with a visible effort. He glanced timidly at the Second Jade but quickly lowered his eyes.

"You should tell him", Jiang Cheng said loudly, clearly irritated with them.

Wei Ying shivered and closed his eyes.

"It's fine, Lan Zhan… I… understand… Everything's fine…", Wei Wuxian tried to comfort Hanguang-jun who was too kind to simply say that he was leaving, that Gusu Lan was closed for the Yiling Patriarch. It hurt so terribly. But the wait to hear these cruel yet reasonable words hurt much more. Wei Wuxian was tired of being in pain. He probably should ask the healer to give him some herbs or simply allow his golden core to sooth his wounds, but his despair was too deep to act. He wished Lan Zhan had already left, as all he wanted was to cry himself to sleep even if he was sure that it would bring nightmares.

He felt a cold hand on his forehead and leaned into Lan Zhan's touch before he could prevent it.

He will leave for good, It's just a little comfort to feel his touch one more time, The last time. After all I am shameless…

Shameless?

What they did to me…

The memories of his captors hands immobilizing his body hit him hard. He shivered violently and gasped, when the pain attacked him with new force.

"Wei Ying?", there was fear in his beloved's voice.

"Lan Zhan, you don't have to touch me… I know I'm disgusting… Just leave. Make it simple. Don't punish yourself with my presence… I… I… am sorry… I... ", it was so hard to say.

I've avenged Mo Xanyu… I've helped to reveal the true criminal and traitor… I hoped… I was so silly when I hoped for some happiness in this life… When… I hoped for your friendship… I… should not have survived… I am a burden and you're too noble to simply leave. You're too good Lan Zhan!

"Wei Ying is not disgusting! Wei Ying is beautiful!"

Beautiful?

"Lying is forbidden, Lan Zhan", the well practiced words.

"I am not lying."

"Leave, please", Wei Ying felt like his heart was shattering into small pieces. However he knew it was the only way to protect Lan Wangji.

"I won't leave Wei Ying", there was no place to argue. It sounded so finally.

"Why?", it was the only thing which came to Wei Wuxian's feverish mind.

Lan Zhan dropped his gaze. He gently took Wei Ying's hand into his own. He clearly was struggling to find words.

"Lan Zhan? What's wrong?", Wei Wuxian could feel the sting of panic, "Are you hurt?", he risked a glance at his former soulmate.

The Second Jade looked as lost as frightened for those who knew how to read his perfectly calm face.

"I'll stay with Wei Ying. As long as Wei Ying will want to have me at his side."

Wei Wuxian sighed and regretted it as pain flared in his chest. He was confused. Emotions and thoughts were spiralling in his mind, his head was hurting, he barely could breathe and was unable to discern emotional causes from physical ones.

"Why?", he whispered.

"I love Wei Ying. I want to be with Wei Ying forever".

The wounded man felt overwhelmed. His secret dreams suddenly came true. Seldom had he dare to imagine a moment of confession. In his dreams it always took place in a wonderful scenery - waterfalls of Gusu Lan or the cosy interior of Jingshi alight with pale moon with air heavy with sandal scent or a haphazard riverside or garden with blooming flowers… the confession followed by desire and intimacy…

And when he finally heard the most important words in his life he was hurting, feverish and sick. The mere thought of intimacy would send him into a panic attack if there had been enough strength in him.

"Lan Zhan…", Wei Ying moaned.

"Will you let me stay at your side?", the Second Jade gently kissed his bruised hand.

I should send you away for your own good. I should leave you. I should not have fallen in love with you...

I can't!

I can't!

Why am I so weak?!

I should die… not to burden you further…

I mustn't let you stay at my side.

Just I have to say. Only one word.

Leave…

"I love you", Wei Ying whispered.

It hasn't sounded the right way… it has sounded the best way!

But… Lan Zhan's smile… so beautiful! His eyes are so bright…

"Lan Zhan I'm ruined! I am the hated one, the disrespected one… Don't befriend evil…"

The pain flashed through Lan Wangji's face.

"Will Wei Ying marry me?"

No! I'll bring you down. I'll destroy your reputation… I can't…

Deny my heart what it has desired for so long.

"Yes!"

Lan Zhan's lips caressed gently his mouth. The touch was so light and delicate.

If it is a dream I don't want to wake up.

Jiang Cheng exhaled with relief when he was watching Hanguang-jun slowly take his position behind Wei Wuxian. This time the wounded man smiled briefly. His fingers found the other's hand. The Chief Cultivator started to give him energy, his lips gently nibbling at his hair.

Jiang Cheng could leave them, take care of the investigation. He was not needed here anymore so he got up not too silently. The Second Jade glanced in his direction.

"I have things to attend…", the Yunmeng sect leader lowered his voice in order not to wake up Wei Wuxian, if he was asleep.

"Stay", Hanguan-jun replied and Jiang Cheng felt immense gratitude towards the man. There were things which truly required his attention but he wanted to stay at his brother's side as long as healers declared him out of danger. His recovery would take time, which Jiang Cheng would use to pursue Wei Wuxian's tormentors. He would give their whereabouts to the Chief Cultivator, as he would not deny the other man the possibility to avenge Wei Ying, but for now he needed to be sure his brother would survive.

Or I'll be at his side to the very end.

His fearful mind whispered.

A/N

Thanks to my Beta - Legate_of_Apples!