SLACKERS
EPISODE VI
GRIM EXPECTATIONS
The atmosphere in the penthouse above Slackers is tense today. A Pokémon trainer turned bar owner sits outside above a starry night sky, contemplating his next move. Only a few hours ago, he received word that his younger sister Emily had been abducted by an adversary of his, one whom was formerly his close friend. No substance, no word, no event could exile the sullen situation he now faces. Others know words of comfort cannot exist, only a friendly presence can ease the pain.
Although he arrived as the bearer of bad news, Mike's beloved Blastoise, Shellshocker, is with him on the roof. His language barrier prevents him from having direct communication with his friend, but the loyal Blastoise knows his former trainer well enough to simply sit by him and keep him company. Shellshocker had spent the last several years with Emily as her Pokemon, inherited from her brother. He had been loyal to this family ever since he was a young Squirtle. As long as Emily was away and in danger, Shellshocker would be determined never to leave Mike's side.
The company has indeed helped. Mew and Mika never left Mike after his adventures in Kanto were over, and they are with him here tonight. Mika in his lap, Mew perched on his shoulder. He badly wants to get going right away to find his sister and ensure her safety, but his experience has taught him to handle the situation with tact and careful planning. He knows he'll need help. He knows he'll have to find a lead. He knows there might be danger involved, but all of that is miniscule compared to his family. And since their parents are gone, all they have is each other...
Mike looks over his shoulder, a reaction to the door opening behind him. Misty is walking towards him. She is wearing her favorite hoodie and shorts, and her hair is let down. Mike can't help but smile upon seeing her as she takes a seat in the chair next to him.
Misty: Any word?
Mike shakes his head.
Mike: The Saffron police are looking into any leads they can find, but nothing's turned up yet.
Misty: Shellshocker?
The Blastoise is laying on his stomach on the floor, resting next to his trainer. He yawns and looks at Misty.
Shellshocker: Blast?
Misty: Did Karen give any kind of indication as to where they might be going?
Shellshocker: Blastoise...
Misty instinctively looks at Mew for a translation.
Mew: All he knows is she said Mike was in some kind of danger. He was unconscious before they left, so he didn't see them leave.
Misty: I don't get it. What kind of danger would Mike be in?
Mika hops off Mike's lap as he leans forward in his chair, holding his hands together.
Mike: Knowing Karen, she was probably lying to convince Emily to go willingly. We don't know if she did, or if she was taken by force. I clearly wasn't supposed to know this would happen.
Misty: That doesn't make any sense. Karen was never like that when we were all friends in Kanto. She used to be super cool. I don't understand why she'd suddenly start attacking you and kidnapping your family.
Mike: When I saw her in Las Vegas, I told myself the same thing, but... something just didn't seem right.
Misty: How so?
Mike: It was like she really didn't want to be there, doing the things she was doing. But it doesn't really matter at this point. Nothing does until we get my sister back.
Misty: You did an incredible thing by coming to us right away and telling us, Shelly. Thank you.
Shellshocker tries to smile, but can't manage to. All he can think about is the whereabouts and safety of his trainer. Misty swings her legs, deep in thought. She scoots her chair closer to Mike's and rests her head on his shoulder.
Misty: I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do.
Mike: Me too. I don't even know where to start.
Another minute of silence.
Misty: I wanted to tell you, I called Scorch.
Mike: Really?
Misty: *nods* Mmhmm. He's flying over right now. He wants to help us look for Emmy.
For the first time since yesterday, Mike is able to smile. He remembers his adoptive family, his friends, and how much they all mean to each other.
The bar, the next morning
Knuckles: You are so friggin' stupid!
Wario: No, I'm right!
Knuckles: It's not pronounced like that! It's stupid!
Wario: I'm telling you, it's "snooss!"
Knuckles: You honestly expect me to believe that someone presented this idea to a legitimate company, and said "Hey! I've got this great new product! It's called snooss!"
Wario: It's better than "snuhss!" That sounds like a laundry detergent!
Knuckles: Dammit, it IS "snuhss!"
Wario: I'll prove it, dick! I'm gonna call Camel right now and ask them!
Knuckles: Go right ahead. You'll look pretty stupid when you call them and ask how their product is pronounced.
Wario: Fine! I will!
Knuckles: Idiot...
The elevator opens, and Mike emerges, ready to get business started for today while his Pokemon begin planning their rescue operation.
Wario: Hi, I had a question about your product... uh huh... yeah, is it pronounced "snuhss" or "snooss?"
Mike raises an eyebrow and looks at Knuckles. The echidna rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
Wario: Oh really? Interesting... hang on one second.
Wario puts the phone on speaker.
Wario: Would you mind repeating that, please?
Camel rep: It's "snooss," officially...
Wario: Ha! Told you!
Camel rep: But it can really be pronounced either way.
Knuckles: Ha HA!
Wario: Okay, so when it was first invented, what did the guy who invented it call it?
Camel rep: … how the hell should I know? I just answer the phones.
Wario: Well then do you know which company came out with it first?
Camel rep: … hell if I know. You probably ought to just Google it or call a Swedish guy. Is there anything else I can help you with today? Like, an actual question on our products, perhaps?
Mike: Um, War? Who are you on the phone with?
Wario: Camel.
Mike: Yeah, I have a question. How come your unfiltered cigarettes are so much more expensive than the filtered ones? It's the same amount of tobacco, and fewer parts!
A few seconds of silence on the phone, then a dial tone.
Mike: What exactly are we talking about here?
Knuckles: Wario thinks those pouches you put in your mouth are called "snooss."
Mike: Yeah, I know. So?
Wario grins.
Mike: What else would they call it? "Snuhss?" Sounds like some kind of laundry detergent.
Wario: Aha! You owe me a hundred bucks, Knucklehead!
Knuckles: My ass! This isn't over, tubby.
Wario: The Camel guy agrees with me. Our resident tobaccophile agrees with me. Just admit you're wrong!
Knuckles: Admit the last time you won an argument.
Wario's expression goes blank, and he folds his arms.
Knuckles: Yeah, that's what I thought.
Mike: I'm so glad you guys are able to resolve your issues so easily.
Knuckles: Hey, take it easy. I heard about what happened. I came here to see if there was a way I could help.
Mike: I appreciate that, bud, but we don't know anything yet. My old Pokemon Scorch and Shellshocker are here, and they're working with Misty to see what they can find.
Wario: What do you mean? What happened?
Knuckles: Karen kidnapped his sister.
Wario: WHAT?!
Wario leaps over the bar, pounds his fists together, and puts on an angry face.
Wario: I swear, if she lays a hand on her, I'll tear her apart!
Knuckles: Wow, I've never seen you get so defensive over anything.
Mike: He's just mad that he has to make an extra effort to stare at my sister.
Wario: Can you blame me?
Mike readies his knee to rack Wario, but he gives him a chance to back off before engaging the kick. Wario notices.
Wario: I just hate the idea of someone hurting someone close to you, that's all!
Mike: Uh huh.
Knuckles: Wario, we all know Mike's sister is an absolute babe, but we really need to focus on the real issue here.
Mike: You want a swift kick too?
Knuckles: Hey, I'm not gonna lie. I think your sister is a very attractive young woman, but unlike Admiral Hormones here, I actually care about her safety as well.
Wario: You're so full of shit! Why are you suggesting I don't care about her safety?
Knuckles: Oh, please.
Mike: Guys? Can we just STOP talking about her body and focus on how we're gonna get her back?
Wario: Well, whatever you have planned, count me in.
Mike: Eeehh... I'm not so sure that's a good idea. I need someone to look after the place, and I really don't think you want my blackbelt sister KO'ing you again.
Knuckles: I have to agree with Wario. No matter what his motives are, there's no denying he'd help get the job done.
Mike closes his eyes, folds his arms, and sighs.
Mike: Alright, War. As soon as we figure out the plan, I'll let you know. But if you make a single suggestive comment, I'll have Shellshocker freeze you, then have Scorch fire blast you just so they can repeat the cycle.
Wario: Worth.
Mike and Wario get back to work and start preparing the bar for another day of business. They wipe the tables and floors, restock the bottled drinks, and rearrange the tables and chairs. About two hours into the cleaning, Mew arrives. He leaves the elevator and floats over to Mike.
Mew: Hey, you got a second?
Mike: Sure, Mew. What's up?
Mew: I think we have a plan. It's a long shot, but at least it's a start.
Mike waves, signaling for Knuckles and Wario to gather near them.
Mew: We should start by searching Emily's apartment. Scorch, Shellshocker, and Mika have all agreed to tag along. Misty says she'll stay here so she can run the bar and hold down the fort in case someone comes here with information.
Mike: Good plan. Knux? Wario? You guys coming?
Wario: Duh.
Knuckles: Of course.
Mew: Shells can't remember everything that happened, but he can help give us clues where to look and what to look for.
Mike: Alright. Let's head upstairs and rally the troops. As long as you guys don't mind using the Poke Balls while we're out. I'm sure it'd make everything quicker and easier.
Wario: You guys go, and come back when you're ready. I still have to prove this asshole wrong once and for all.
Mike: You're seriously going to call Sweden?
Knuckles: Wario, just drop it already!
Wario: No way! You're just afraid of me being proven right!
Mew: … huh?
Mike: Don't ask.
Cut to the penthouse
The elevator doors open, and Mike and Mew find Misty in the living room, typing away furiously on her laptop.
Mike: What are you doing?
Misty: I'm reaching out to all the gym leaders in Johto and Kanto, telling them what's going on. They might be able to enlighten us on why Karen's acting so strangely.
Mike: That's a good idea. I really wish I knew what's gotten into her. I never in a million years would have thought she'd almost kill Mew then kidnap Emily.
Misty: We still don't even know if she was kidnapped or if she went along willingly.
Mike: Hopefully we'll be able to find out when we go to Saffron. I haven't been in the old apartment in such a long time...
Misty: I know it might be difficult, but it's the best thing we can do right now.
Mike looks at the floor and swings his leg.
Mike: Where's the Pokemon?
Misty stands up, picks up three Poke Balls sitting on a nearby counter, and hands them to Mike.
Misty: I took the liberty of getting them ready for you. All cleaned and fed, and the Poke Balls polished.
Mike smiles, looks at Misty, and puts his hand on her cheek.
Mike: Thanks, Mis. You're the best.
Misty: I know! *smiles* Now go bring Emmy home.
Mike: I will. I swear.
A short while later in Saffron City…
Emily's apartment has sat cold and empty ever since she was taken by Karen. The Saffron police have concluded their search, turning up no results. A thunderstorm is in full force outside, and the apartment is only illuminated by random flashes of lightning.
That is, until an interdimensional vortex suddenly opens in the living room.
The vortex generates sounds comparable to the raging storm outside, and a light that would outshine an angry Pikachu. A small, floating, pink Pokemon emerges, followed by his trainer, and two more of his friends. The vortex closes, and all eyes in the room are on Mew.
Mike: The phrase "tone it down" isn't in your vocabulary, isn't it?
Mew: What? You know how boring Teleport can be if you don't add a bit of pizazz.
Knuckles: Please don't ever use that word again.
Mew: What, pizazz?
Knuckles: No, pickleweasel. YES, pizazz!
Wario: Where's Emily?
THWACK!
Wario: Ow…
Mike: Everyone shut up, we need to look around and see if we can find any clues.
Mike reaches for his belt, and takes out a Poke Ball clipped to it. He casually tosses it in front of him, and Shellshocker emerges.
Mike: Alright. I need you to retrace your steps and walk us through exactly what you can remember. Mew, I need you to translate. Knuckles, you and I will look around the areas where everything happened.
Wario: What about me?
Mike: You can take five.
Wario: The hell I will! I'm just a part of this as you jackasses!
Mike: *sigh* Alright. You stand guard in the hallway outside the front door. If anyone suspicious comes along, tell us.
Wario: Should I use a code word?
Mike: No. You can just tell us if someone's coming.
Wario: Come on, please? I already thought of a great one!
Mike: What?
Wario: Boobies!
THWACK!
Wario: Ow…
Mike: Just get out there, and if you see anything, say something no one would ever expect you to say.
Wario grumbles and steps outside the front door, keeping his eyes on the hallway.
Knuckles: It'd be nice if for once we could all travel together and not have one of us have their brains replaced by hormones.
Mike: Maybe one day. Okay, Shells. Go ahead.
Shellshocker begins acting out the scene, explaining what happened in his native tongue as Mew translates.
Mew: "Emily and I got back home and found her door unlocked. She always locks her door. She took me out of my Poke Ball and we searched the apartment for any sign of an intruder. We couldn't find anyone, and just as she was about to assume she'd forgotten to lock the door, we found Karen standing in the living room, right here."
Mike and Knuckles move closer to where Shellshocker is gesturing.
Mew: "She insisted Emily go with her, and she refused. She began talking about you being in danger. I got defensive, and she sent out her Vileplume. I attacked the Vileplume, but it overwhelmed me with a Razor Leaf attack. That's the last thing I remember before waking up, and they were gone."
Mike: Did you get any kind of sense of wavering in her voice? Like she was uncomfortable or didn't want to be here.
Shellshocker nods.
Mew: It sounds pretty similar to when she attacked us in that alley. Something about being a part of something bigger, something out of her control.
Mike: *deep breath* I hope Emmy's alright.
Knuckles: Hey, don't get too worried. I don't think even Karen would resort to hurting her.
Mew: Helloooo? Are we forgetting about her obsession of nearly killing me with Dark Pulses?
Knuckles: You're not helping!
Mike: None of this matters right now. Let's start by checking everything in the area where they battled. Maybe she dropped something, maybe there's something we can use for a DNA sample. Anything.
Mike looks under the living room rug, Knuckles scales the walls to look at the top of tall furniture, and Mew uses X-ray vision to look for DNA.
Wario: Everything okay in there?
Mike: We're fine, just don't get distracted!
Wario: *to himself* Why do I always get stuck with the grunt jobs?
Knuckles hops off the wall and begins moving furniture around a little. He moves the recliner.
Knuckles: Hey guys?
Mike: What is it?
Knuckles: I think I found something.
Mike, Mew, and Shellshocker scramble to gather around Knuckles. He picks up a small piece of paper on the floor.
Mew: What is it?
Knuckles: Here, look.
Knuckles hands the paper to Mike. One side is blank. The other side simply says "GRIM" in what they're hoping is red ink.
Knuckles: What do you think?
Mike: I have no idea, but I don't see anything else we have to go on.
Mew: Grim? That could mean anything!
Mike: Probably, but it seems odd that Emily would have this here. She's always been a pretty happy kid.
Mew: Even after what happened to your parents?
Mike stares at Mew, looking flustered. He assumes he meant no harm, but the subject is clearly a sore one.
Mew: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that…
Mike: She was too young for that to affect her.
Mew: If you want my opinion, I think we should take this to Professor Oak. He has everything in his lab we'd need to analyze this. Maybe he could find some trace of a sample, or he might know if there's any significance to the word "grim."
Mike folds the note and sticks it in his pocket. He looks at Mew, then Knuckles, then Shellshocker, then at the floor.
Mike: I suppose it's worth a try. I just hope this doesn't end up being a wild goose chase.
Knuckles: It's the only lead we have, so I think it's at least worth a—
Wario: CHARITY!
The others jump slightly and direct their attention to the front door.
Wario: FUNDRAISERS! DONATE!
Mike: Wario, what the hell are you talking about?!
Wario: Goddammit there's something out here! I'm saying words I never say!
Mike rushes to the door to investigate, but by the time he gets there, the hallway is empty again.
Mike: Did you come along just to piss me off?
Wario: No! I saw someone funny looking down that hallway a second ago. She passed by twice, and stared at me the second time. She bolted when I alerted you guys.
Mike: Dammit Wario, she might've known something and you scared her off!
Wario: Don't start chewing my ass out; you told me to signal you if I saw something suspicious!
Knuckles: For all we know she might have simply been wondering why Wario was standing in the hallway awkwardly. Taking this note to Oak is still our best option, in my opinion.
Mike clenches his fists. Not in anger toward Wario, but at his own frustration at the situation.
Mike: Alright. Shellshocker, return.
Mike points Shellshocker's Poke Ball in his direction, and recalls him.
Mike: Let's get to Pallet Town. And Mew?
Mew: Yeah?
Mike: No. More. Flamboyant. Entrances.
Mew: Aw, man…
A few moments later, at Professor Oak's lab…
The biggest building in the small town of Pallet hosts a lifetime of study and research done by the famous expert on Pokemon, Professor Samuel Oak. He has just finished eating a steaming pot of tofu and is checking the video feed of several Pokemon living their lives on his expansive property behind the lab. He has also been among the recipients of Misty's strange email about a powerful dark type trainer, and is troubled by the news.
However, he doesn't expect to be contacted directly by a group of would-be detectives trying to get to the bottom of everything.
The doorbell rings, and Oak switches his video feed to the front door.
Oak: Hello?
Mike: Hi, Professor? It's Mihalis.
Oak: Oh, hello Mike! This is a pleasant surprise! How are you?
Mike: I'm well, but something's happened and I need your help. May my friends and I come in?
Oak: Of course! The door is unlocked, I'll meet you in the first floor parlor and you can tell me what's going on.
Mike opens the door, and the group makes their way inside. They pass through the foyer, observing the photographs, posters, and awards on the walls. They arrive at the parlor, reminiscent of an upscale living room, and take their seats. Mike and Mew share the couch while Wario and Knuckles take individual armchairs.
Wario: Damn, this guy must be rolling!
Mike: Yeah, well he's worked pretty hard to earn it. Please try to refrain from farting, Professor Oak is one of the very few people in the universe I respect.
Wario: You say that like earning your respect is equivalent to winning a Nobel Prize. We're trying to save Emily, not your ego. Besides, with all the crap that comes out of your mouth, you practically fart more than I do!
Mike wants to punch Wario, but he is interrupted. A nearby automatic door opens, and Oak steps into the room with a warm smile.
Oak: Well now, fancy seeing you here, Mike! It's been quite a while, hasn't it?
Mike: Too long, if you ask me. You remember Knuckles and Mew?
Oak: Of course, how could I forget? You're still the only Mew I've ever managed to see in person, and I still get a chuckle from your friend's identity problem.
Wario: Identity problem?
Mike: When Knuckles traveled with me and Misty, everyone kept thinking he was a Pokémon and tried to catch him.
Knuckles, long tired of explaining, buries his face in his hand. He then regains his composure and addresses Oak.
Knuckles: I'd probably still be having that problem if it weren't for you, Professor. I'm in your debt.
Oak chuckles at what he considers a fond memory.
Oak: And who is this?
Mike: Oh, him? That's Wario. An old buddy of mine from when we were kids.
Wario: And somehow still manages to get talked into all sorts of things I'll regret.
Oak: I see. Well, make yourself at home. Any friend of Mike's is a friend of mine.
Oak sits in a chair facing Mike and takes a sip of his coffee.
Oak: So what brings you by Pallet Town? I'm sure you haven't come by simply to say hello.
Mike: I haven't, I'm afraid, but it's something I plan on doing more.
Oak: *laughs* Don't be concerned, son. I'm glad to see you.
Mike: I am too. So my little sister was kidnapped from her home in Saffron City. We know who did it, but we're convinced she's being made to work for someone else. We think we may have a lead, but we need your advice.
Oak sets his coffee down and thinks for a moment.
Oak: I see. Well, this is quite troubling, indeed. I'm sorry to hear about this. What sort of lead have you found?
Mike takes the note out of his pocket.
Mike: We found this. It's not much, but it's all we have to go on right now.
He hands the note to Oak, who looks at it, keeping an eye open for any irregularities.
Oak: Hm… well, on the surface, this doesn't seem too out of the ordinary. I highly doubt you'll find any traces of DNA.
Knuckles: What about the word "grim?" Do you think there could be any meaning to it?
Oak: Apart from being an accurate description for the situation, I'm afraid I'm at a loss.
Mike holds his hands and looks at the floor, disappointed.
Oak: Unless…
Mike and Knuckles perk up. Wario sits nearby, picking his nose. Knuckles elbows him in the gut.
Mike: What?
Oak: Well, there's a rumor about an old hermit somewhere named "Grim." It was a bit more prominent when I was still a young trainer several years ago, but I haven't heard anything to suggest he isn't still alive.
Knuckles: Now that you mention it, I remember hearing something about it too. My friend Espio once told me about a combat technique he'd learned that had been invented by someone named Grim. I wish I'd thought of it sooner.
Mike: It's okay, Knux. Better late than never.
Knuckles: Professor, do you have anything in your records about him? Anything at all?
Oak: Not that I know of, but if I were you, I'd pay a visit to the nearest city library. There's a large one in the next town over, Viridian City.
Mike: Then it looks like our next stop is the Viridian City Library. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help, Professor.
Oak: It's my pleasure, boys. Check it out, and give me a call if there's anything else I can do. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Wario: *farts*
Mike: …
Knuckles: …
Mew: …
The three stare at Wario. Mike looks like he wants to strangle him.
Kanto Rte. 1, a few minutes later…
Mike: I asked you for one thing, Wario. ONE. THING.
Wario: Since when is it a crime to pass gas?
Mew: Since the last episode, apparently.
Knuckles: There's passing gas, then there's flooding the Professor's office with poison gas.
Mike: I said REFRAIN FROM FARTING.
Wario: Oh, lighten up, will you? We were able to get a lead, be happy about it. Besides, if anyone has a right to complain, it's me.
Knuckles: Please. Enlighten us.
Wario: Well, first off we have to go to a library. A LIBRARY. I thought this was supposed to be an epic quest, not a freaking grown up study session!
Mike: Seriously, take an etiquette class or something. It'd be nice for you to be, I don't know, not yourself for one minute.
Mew: I already did that, remember? I made him a perfect gentleman, and you complained about that too!
Knuckles: He's got a point.
Wario: And another thing! Why the hell are we WALKING to Viridian City? Mew's been teleporting us everywhere else!
Mike: Because Viridian City is the next town over, it's not a long way, and you and I could seriously use the exercise.
Wario: Whatever…
Two humans, an echidna, and a Pokémon are walking sidestep on approach to a narrow, grassy trail on the edge of Pallet Town. This area is most famous for when Professor Oak stopped Red in his tracks so he wouldn't leave town without a Pokémon. This scene is oddly reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz. If that group had been foul mouthed, bad tempered hooligans.
Mew: Hang on a minute…
Mike: What is it?
Mew observes his surroundings.
Mew: Something doesn't feel right.
Knuckles: It's your imagination. This is easily the tamest road in Kanto.
Mew: It's not a matter of danger. More like…
Wario: Like what?
Mew: Extreme annoyance.
Mike: I'm sure everything will be—
Right on cue, a swarm of low level Pidgeys fly directly toward the group. At the same time, they are flanked by dozens of Rattatas.
Mike: Ambush!
Knuckles: Shit! We're being stopped by annoying Pokémon two steps into the grass!
Wario: They're everywhere!
Mike: We gotta get out of here! Quick, let's run away!
The Pidgeys and Rattatas quickly surround them.
Mew: Can't escape!
Mike: Mew, use Teleport!
Mew focuses hard, but nothing happens.
Mew: There's no PP left for this move!
Knuckles: We're gonna have to take them out one by one!
Wario: That'll take forever! Short routes are full of tedious low level Pokémon encounters!
Mike: Mew, use Psychic!
Mew unleashes a power Psychic attack on the nearest Pidgey.
Mew: Enemy Pidgey fainted!
Knuckles: Wild Rattata appeared!
Mike: Mew, use Psychic!
Mew: Critical hit!
This continues thirty more times as the group progresses along Route 1. After nearly exhausting the number of times he can use Psychic, the group clears out the final Pidgey, exits the last patch of grass, and arrives within sight of Viridian City.
Wario: *panting* Oh my god… that was torture…
Mew: Quit whining. I'm the one that did all the work!
Mike: At least we're finally out of the tall grass.
Mew: Can we go straight to the Pokémon Center? I'm fucking exhausted.
The group enters Viridian City. The first building in sight is the Pokémon Center. As they are entering the building, Wario catches something unusual in the corner of his vision.
Mike: Wario? You okay?
Wario: I'm not sure. I could have sworn I just saw the same weird looking woman I saw at the apartment…
Knuckles: If you're on something, tell me where your stash is so I can cut you off.
Wario decides he's too lazy to defend himself, and he follows the others into the building.
Wario: Oh, mama, who is that?
Knuckles: Don't even think about it. You JUST got Mona back, remember?
Wario: Who?
Mike and Mew approach the service counter.
Nurse Joy: Welcome to the Pokémon Center! We heal your Pokémon to perfect health.
Mike: Yeah, can you fix up my Mew real quick?
Nurse Joy: Okay. We'll need your Pokémon.
Mew is recalled to his Master Ball, which Mike hands to Joy. She puts it in a nearby machine, which beeps shortly afterwards. Joy takes the ball and hands it to Mike.
Nurse Joy: Thank you for waiting! We've healed your Pokémon.
Mike: Thanks.
Nurse Joy: We hope to see you again!
Wario mumbles something to Knuckles.
Wario: If you ask me, that sounded scripted…
Knuckles: Yeah. Now that you mention it, everything I've heard around you guys sounds scripted.
…
Um… anyway, Mike releases Mew from the Master Ball. Mew stretches, yawns, and twirls in midair.
Mew: Ah, much better!
Mike: Lesson learned. Always teleport, and check for PP before getting stranded.
Wario: *giggles* Check for PP…
THWACK!
Wario: Ow…
Knuckles: Grow up.
Mike: Come on, let's get to the library.
A few minutes later, outside the Viridian City Public Library…
Mike: Alright, Wario. No whining, no nose picking, and for the love of god, NO FARTING.
Wario: Geez, lighten up. I'll probably be too busy napping to do anything anyway.
The guys enter the library and receive several strange looks. Perhaps they're surprised to see a Mew, perhaps they're wondering what kind of Pokémon Knuckles is. Thankfully, no one cares enough to cause any sort of commotion.
Mike: Okay guys. Let's find a computer and see where we can find some info on Grim.
Knuckles: I'll handle this. I'm pretty good at navigating libraries.
Wario: It's about time we learned something you're good at.
Mike covers his mouth to avoid being seen snickering. Knuckles rolls his eyes and heads for the nearest computer. He begins typing away as the others wait nearby.
Mike: Hey Wario?
Wario: What?
Mike: I've been wondering something. How come your ears are so pointy?
Wario clearly looks uncomfortable.
Wario: Excuse me?
Mike: What? I'm just curious.
Wario: I've known you since the first grade, and you've just now thought about asking?
Mike: Yeah, so?
Wario: It's… um… a long story.
Mew: Really? Maybe there's a book on it here.
Mike: Like, are you part Vulcan or elf, or something?
Wario: Why are you just getting around to asking me this now? Kind of an odd time and place, don't you think?
Mike: Not really. I just thought about it and was asking a simple question, that's all.
Wario: Let's just save that for an origin story or something, okay?
Mike: *shrugs* I guess so.
Knuckles: I found something.
The others quickly gather around Knuckles.
Knuckles: It's under the fiction section, but it's better than nothing. He's mentioned several times in Eccentric Legends of Johto.
Mike: … eccentric?
Mew: This ought to be interesting.
Knuckles leads the guys to the corresponding section, and picks up the book. They follow him to a nearby table, where he sets it down and opens to the table of contents.
Knuckles: Hm, let's see. Here. Page 106.
He opens to page 106 and proceeds to read aloud.
Knuckles: "Grim was once a formidable Pokémon trainer in his youth. He traveled across the land, searching far and wide for years. However, after an unfortunate and embarrassing incident that completely besmirched his image, he retired from public life and went into an indefinite self imposed exile."
Mew: Incident?
Mike: Must have been pretty bad. Does it say what he did or where he went?
Knuckles: "When he was thirty years old, a rival of his caught him…"
Mike: Caught him what?
Knuckles: "Masturbating to penguin pornography."
Mike: Agh… I didn't need to know that.
Mew: Fucking gross, dude!
Wario: I have a feeling now would be the best time to fart, while it still feels tame in comparison.
Knuckles: "No one has seen nor heard from Grim since that day, but he posthumously became regarded as a prophet for his uncanny ability to implement foresight and his tendency to dress like a Sith Lord."
Mike: So we don't know if this guy is still alive, or even real?
Mew: Do we even want to find out?
Mike: If it didn't involve life or death for Emily, I'd probably say no.
Wario: But it does. So yes.
Knuckles: Based on what I've found here, my assumption would be to start with the incriminating and out of place info.
Wario: And that being?
Knuckles: Penguins.
Wario: Of course.
Mike: I have to agree. Think about it, he obviously fetishized penguins…
Mew: Can you not say that out loud?
Mike: *continuing* so if he were to go into exile and completely disappear, it seems likely he'd go somewhere with penguins.
Wario: Right now, the only place I can picture us going is to the nearest place to eat. I'm starving!
Mew: I'm actually getting pretty hungry, too. Can we get some dinner, and figure out what we're going to do next there?
Mike and Knuckles look at each other and sigh.
Mike: Alright, fine. I guess we can't go on a quest on an empty stomach.
Knuckles puts the book away, and they head for the exit. As soon as they're outside, they hear a strange voice.
Voice: Hey, stop right there!
Mike: What the…?
They turn around and see a small woman with pink spiky hair and clothes that look like they were made to fit a six-year-old.
Woman: You've been digging around in places you don't belong!
Wario: That's her! That's the weird lady I kept seeing!
Woman: Hey! Who are you calling weird? I'm just expressing myself!
Wario: You should express less. You're trying way too hard.
Mike: Who the hell are you, anyway?
Woman: I am Rin Evoca! Former servant of that which you seek!
Wario: Dinner?
Rin Evoca: No, not dinner! Grim!
Mike: Wait, you know Grim?!
Rin Evoca: Shit, I knew I wasn't supposed to say the name.
Knuckles looks at Mike, then back at the stranger.
Knuckles: What name?
Rin Evoca: Grim! Wait, dammit! Gotta stop saying it!
Knuckles: Careful, you need to make sure you don't reveal any more info to us.
Rin Evoca: What do you think I am? Stupid?
Knuckles: A little, yeah.
Rin Evoca: How dare you! I'm still smart enough not to tell you where he's hiding!
Knuckles: Where he's hiding? So he's alive and hiding somewhere?
Rin Evoca: Dammit! Stop doing that!
Knuckles: Nah. It's working pretty well for me so far.
Rin Evoca: Grrr… that's it! I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!
Mike: … why?
Rin Evoca: Because I must prove to Grim I'm worthy of being in his service again!
Knuckles: So you used to serve him, and he fired you. I can't imagine why.
Rin Evoca: Aargh! Shut up! Go Lickitung!
Rin Evoca tosses out a Poke Ball, and a tired looking Lickitung emerges. Mike rubs his closed eyes, annoyed.
Mike: Let me ask you something. You see that Mew over there?
Mike points to his innocent-looking yet stupidly powerful Pokemon.
Rin Evoca: Yeah, so what?
Mike: Well… he's a Mew.
Rin Evoca: I know that! I'm not deaf!
Wario: Don't you mean blind?
Mike: And you're sure you want to battle someone with a Level 101 Mew?
Rin Evoca: What are you, chicken? Bok bok bok!
Mike: Ugh… let's just get this over with. Mew, do you mind?
Mew uses Psychic. Critical hit. Lickitung faints.
Rin Evoca: Grrr… Lickitung, return! Go, Wobbufet!
Mew uses Psychic. Critical hit. Wobbufet faints.
Mike: This is just getting silly. Mew, use stun spore on her.
Mew uses Stun Spore. Rin Evoca is paralyzed and can't move.
Rin Evoca: Hey, you can't do that! That's cheating!
Mike: Whining won't get you anywhere. Actually, nothing will get you anywhere as long as you're paralyzed.
He pulls out a Paralyze Heal.
Mike: I'll let you have this if you tell us where to find Grim.
Rin Evoca: Never!
Mike: Fine. Then you can wait here until someone else finds you and decides what to do with you.
Rin Evoca: No, wait!
Mike: Uh huh. Go on.
Rin Evoca: Grim is living in his cave in Antarctica! I can't remember exactly which cave, but that's where it is! If you find him, tell him to take me back, and if he won't, then kill him!
Knuckles: There's nothing in that for us. We need him alive, and you've annoyed us to the point of ruining favors for you.
Rin Evoca: You have to! I should have been his wife, not that skank he's with now!
Mike: You seem… oddly obsessed with him.
Knuckles: Mike, let her go. She's obviously not a threat and we don't need anyone asking questions about why we paralyzed her and left her here.
Mike: Do we have to? She's super annoying…
Knuckles: No worse than Wario.
Mike: Good point.
Wario: Assholes.
Mike sprays the Paralyze Heal on her.
Rin Evoca: You haven't seen the last of me!
Mike: Mew, use Hypnosis.
Mew: Gladly.
Mew uses Hypnosis.
Rin Evoca: No! You can't… do this… to… me… zzzzz…
She falls asleep.
Knuckles: Thank god.
Mike: Well, looks like we're going to Antarctica.
Wario: Ahem. Dinner?
Mike: *points to his head* Your brain is up here. *points to his stomach* Not here.
Mew: Hey Wario. What if I hypnotize him too, then we can go eat?
Wario: Great idea!
Mike: I beg to differ.
He pulls out his Earth Badge, which has the power to make any Pokémon obey him.
Mew: Goddammit Mike.
Mike: I may be an ass, but I'm not cruel. Let's get food and some warm clothes, then we'll teleport to Antarctica.
Wario: Sounds like a "cool" trip.
THWACK!
Wario: Ow…
Antarctica, one hour later…
The shores of Antarctica are peaceful and serene. Waves crash against the snowy rocks, a gentle breeze flows by, and there are no signs of civilization anywhere in sight. The only out-of-the-ordinary instance is a brief flash of a blinding white light, which fades to reveal four travelers, all content from having their stomachs recently refreshed and replenished. They are all wearing thick hooded cloaks to shield them from the frigid conditions in which they've found themselves.
Mew: So this is Antarctica? It seems more… I don't know, normal than I was expecting.
Knuckles: What were you expecting? It's land, same as anywhere else.
Wario: Except it's deserted and seriously fucking cold.
Knuckles: We just need to narrow down our search now that we're here.
Mike: What do you say we split up and check the island in different directions? We should be able to reconnect pretty quickly.
Mew: Mike, did you say "island?"
Mike: … yeah?
Knuckles: Um, Mike? You do realize this is quite a bit of ground to cover, right?
Mike: Not that much, is it?
Mew: Oh god. We're screwed.
Knuckles: Antarctica is a continent. Bigger than Europe. Bigger than Australia.
Mike: … seriously?
Knuckles: Yeah?
Mike: When did this happen?
Knuckles: Um… the meeting was last Tuesday, I think. *rolls eyes*
Mike: Why the hell didn't we discuss this BEFORE warping here?!
Wario: Because a certain member of our group wouldn't stop going "Come on guys, let's go! We need to move fast! We're running out of time! Let's get a move on!"
Mike: It wouldn't have been that hard to interrupt me and say "Mike, Antarctica is huge and will take forever to search, we need to narrow it down!"
Mew: Don't look at me, Mr. Earth Badge.
Mike: Can you at least use Fire Spin or something to warm us up?
Mew: I would, but I don't need hippies chasing after me for expediting global warming.
Mike: Oh, come on!
Mew: Those activists are relentless! Can you imagine how social media would react to a Mew melting the polar ice caps?
Wario: Lame.
Mike: There's gotta be something we can do. Some sort of Deus Ex Machina moment?
Wario: What?
Mike: Nevermind.
Mew: Mike, how did you not know Antarctica is a continent?
Mike: Will you shut up already? We just need to find the nearest city. That'll be a good place to start.
Mew and Wario stare at Mike, dumbfounded.
Mike: What?
Wario: You astound me.
Mike: What?!
Wario: There are no cities in Antarctica, shit for brains.
Mike: Are you kidding me?! Where do all the people live?!
Wario: … Let's just stop explaining, Mew.
Mew: Agreed.
Frustrated, Mike ignores the others. He turns to find Knuckles, sitting cross legged on the ground.
Mike: Knux? What are you doing?
Knuckles doesn't respond. The wind picks up, and his cloak is flapping in the frosty breeze. His eyes are closed and he is breathing slowly and heavily, deep in meditation.
Wario: What's up with him?
Mike: I think he's tapping into the Master Emerald.
Wario: Huh?
Mike: He does that when he's in need of guidance.
Wario: But I thought he wasn't the guardian anymore.
Mike: He's not, but his family has a connection to the emerald's power. That's how he's able to glide, and where he gets his strength. He's a little more cut off than he used to be, but he can still use it to figure out what to do. I bet he's trying to find exactly where to find Grim.
Wario: He has the power to do that? Why the hell didn't he do that from the start?!
Mike: My guess is he only has the power to look in a smaller area. Narrowing it down to an island is much easier than the entire universe.
Mew: It's not an island. It's a continent.
Mike: I. Know. Will you lighten—
Knuckles: Chaos Control!
A bright green flash encompasses the group, and without warning, they find themselves teleported to another area of Antarctica. A small opening to a cave is a few feet away.
Mike: …up?
Mew: It's about friggin' time someone else decided to warp everyone.
Wario: What gives, Knuckles?
Knuckles: I saw an image of this cave. I'm fairly certain Grim is in here.
Mike walks past the group, heading into the cave first. The others follow him inside. The cave walls have a bluish hue, almost completely made of ice, illuminated slightly by the sunlight. Three unlit torches adorn the walls, having clearly not been used for years. Mike takes them from the walls and hands one to Wario and one to Knuckles.
Mike: Mew, do you mind?
Mew uses Fire Blast, and flames completely engulf the other three. However, the torches are successfully lit.
Mike: I meant just the torches, you dipshit!
Mew: Then maybe you should be more specific next time.
Wario: I'm going to get you back. I swear, Mew, one of these days, I'm going to get you back.
Mike takes point, with Mew hovering behind him and to his right. Knuckles is walking behind him, studying the cave, taking mental notes for a possible future spelunk. Wario takes the rear, trying to pass gas as silently as possible out of fear that Mew might ignite an audible fart.
Wario: Jesus, how long does this cave go?
Mike: Wario, we should be thankful we actually have something to go on here. If Grim is in this cave, maybe he can tell us where Karen took my sister.
Mew: Even if we do find him, what's the guarantee he would know anything?
Mike: Someone left a note behind with his name on it to lead us here. Either Emily knew about Grim without me knowing, or Karen was trying to help us.
Wario: Why would she help us? Doesn't Karen hate us?
Mike: Karen and I were close a long time ago. I was hoping that maybe she hadn't completely changed. If I'm right, then maybe she left the note behind so we could follow her steps. Maybe she spoke with Grim.
Wario: It just doesn't make sense, after she tried to kill us. For all we know, she's just as crazy as this other guy sounds. If you ask me, they're both looney, crazy, absolutely bonkers, and—
Voice: Care to repeat that a little louder?
Mike and Knuckles immediately turn to face the source of the mysterious voice, holding their torches in front. An old man in a long black coat is standing before them. A hood obscures the top half of his face, allowing them only to see a long, grey, messy beard. A penguin walks up to take his side, quacking obliviously.
Mike: Are you Grim?
Man: Depends who's asking.
Mike: An old… colleague of Karen, the Elite Four Dark trainer.
Man: Ah. Then that would make me Lance, her boss.
Mike: Bullshit. I know Lance, and he definitely ain't you.
Grim: Fine. I'm Grim. You happy now?
Mike: … I guess? My name is Mihalis. This is my Mew, and these are my friends Wario and Knuckles.
Grim: What the fece are you doing here, and how did you find me all the way out here?
Wario: Honestly, your history precedes you.
Wario takes an odd look at the penguin standing next to him.
Wario: Is that your pet or something?
Grim: No. Who keeps penguins as pets? This is my wife, Denise.
Denise: Quack.
Wario: Um… right.
Mew: This is definitely Grim, alright.
Grim: Now do you mind explaining why you corn holes are bothering me in my home?
Mike: We, uh… my sister was recently abducted by Karen, and we think she left a note with your name on it so we would find you.
Grim: *sighs* Fucking Karen. I ask her to do me one favor and now she's got a bunch of goofy looking strangers bugging me.
Wario: Are you calling US goofy looking? Your wife is a penguin!
Denise: Quack.
Grim: You're really making a great case for coming all the way out here and expecting me to go out of my way to help you, fat ass.
Knuckles: Don't mind him. He's special.
Wario folds his arms and grumbles.
Mike: Is there anything you can tell us about Karen and what she's been up to? Has she been here recently?
Grim: Follow me. I have a fire deeper in the cave, you guys can warm yourselves up there.
The guys follow Grim further down the path. Eventually the pathway widens and opens up to a large chamber. The walls are lined with bookshelves, desks, and an entire workshop. Mike mumbles to Knuckles.
Mike: This guy's setup is actually pretty sweet. I wouldn't mind living here.
Knuckles: An icy cave thousands of miles away from civilization with an unlimited supply of books and tools? Sign me up.
Grim removes his hood to reveal long, grey, unkempt hair. The others remove their hoods as well. Grim sits in an armchair, and the others take their seats on boulders surrounding the fire pit. Grim lights a long pipe and begins smoking it.
Mike: Is it okay if I smoke in here?
Grim: By all means.
Mike takes out one of his Luckies and lights it. He offers them to the others, Mew and Wario decline, but Knuckles takes one and lights it.
Grim: I had a feeling someone would show up sooner or later. Especially since Karen was up to some funky stuff.
Mike: What can you tell us?
Grim: I've known Karen ever since she was a little girl. I gave her her first Pokemon, and helped her become a trainer. I've specialized in dark and water types all my life, and she took to using dark types under my wing. However, when she was reaching adolescence, I was forced to abandon society and retreat to my sanctuary near the South Pole.
Wario and Mew are tempted to make rude remarks about his reason for leaving, but they decide to keep their mouths shut to avoid pissing off Mike and Knuckles.
Grim: Three months ago, she came to visit me. I was surprised to hear she had become the world's most powerful Dark type trainer, even landing a spot on the prestigious Kanto Elite Four.
Knuckles: Did she tell you what caused her to start acting so erratically?
Grim sighs and takes a few puffs of his pipe.
Grim: Her behavior may seem erratic, but I can tell you Karen's motives are as sound as they've ever been.
Wario: Tell that to her. We saw her a while back in Las Vegas where she threatened us and almost killed Mike's Mew.
Mew: Still hurts thinking about it.
Denise: Quack.
Grim: You're here, so you should all know better than anyone. People will do unspeakable things to protect the ones they care about.
Mike: What do you mean?
Grim: Before she came to see me, she began receiving blackmail from an unknown source. It threatened violence against someone she loved unless she did exactly what the sender said. She tracked the letter down to its source.
Mike: Where did it come from?
Grim: You sure you want to know?
Mike: Yes, dammit! That's why we're here!
Grim: For someone who's desperate for information, you're not very nice.
Knuckles: You'll have to excuse Mike. He's having to cut back on his nicotine, and it's made him a bit of an asshole.
Mike: It's true. Sorry, I'm working on it.
Grim shrugs and waves his hand in dismissal.
Grim: Don't worry about it. I've tried quitting too, but it's just not worth the depression that accompanies it.
Mike: Man, it's like I'm hearing myself talk! We should get to know each other better.
Grim: Indeed. For some reason, I feel like I've known you for a long time.
Knuckles: I'm sorry to intrude, but could you tell us more about Karen?
Grim: Alright. She followed the coordinates on the bottom of the letter, and it led her far away to the planet Lylat VI.
Mike is stunned, his jaw hanging open.
Mike: No…
Grim: Someone there was threatening to kill the object of her admiration unless she did everything he ordered without question. Somehow he was able to extract that knowledge and use it to take advantage of her. She couldn't tell anyone with connections, out of fear of discovery. She came to me, because unlike 99.999999% of the universe, I actually, truthfully know how to keep a secret. The only reason I'm telling you this is because Karen came to me and specifically asked me to.
Knuckles: Mike, you look like you've heard of this planet before.
Mike: I have.
Wario: Well?
Mike: Wolf told me all about it. He and Leon used to work there. I'm not sure what they did, but from the way he described it, it sounds like a truly god-awful place.
Grim: Indeed. When I last saw Karen, she told me what she had been forced to do, and shared with me her plans. She told me about her order to intercept your tournament and prevent you from increasing your fiscal power.
Wario: Wait, you mean she was FORCED to play against us and attack us?
Grim: Yes. When she was here last week, she was completely devastated. She revealed she had been ordered to kidnap your sister in order to give her master leverage over you. He hadn't revealed anything about sharing his identity or location with you yet, which is probably why she left you a clue to come look for me.
Knuckles: Why is he using Karen instead of hiring someone?
Grim: She is a part of his plan. She has no idea why or how, and neither do I. But if you go now, and surprise him, you might be able to catch him with his pants around his ankles and get your sister back.
Wario: That's kind of a weird way of putting it, don't you think?
Mike: Dammit Wario, shut up! We need this info!
Knuckles: He's right, though. As long as her boss doesn't know we are aware of the situation, we can go to Lylat VI and take him by surprise.
Wario: And how do you expect us to get there? Teleport?
Mew: Fuck that! I'm not teleporting us directly onto Lylat VI! Do you know the odds of us turning up right in the middle of the army?
Wario: No, Mew. Because I've never heard of this place.
Grim: I agree with Mew, teleporting is too risky. My suggestion is to approach the planet from the stars. I know the ability is limited by previous knowledge of the destination. Like only being able to fast travel between waypoints you've already been to.
Denise: Quack.
Grim: Quiet, dear.
Knuckles: In that case, we're going to need a way to travel through space.
Wario: Mike, you're filthy rich. What do you say we buy ourselves a spaceship?
Grim: I'd recommend finding a cruiser. Something that can handle long journeys through space, and can carry smaller craft like shuttles or fighters.
Mike: Fighters?! Hell yeah! I've always wanted to try space combat!
Knuckles: We'd better get going then.
Wario: Before we do, I have one more question. What's with the crazy lady who tried to stop us from coming here? What was her name… Bin Erotica, or something?
Grim facepalms.
Grim: Oh god, you had to deal with Rin Evoca?
Knuckles: It wasn't that bad. Just mildly inconvenient, and kind of annoying.
Grim: I can't apologize to you enough for that. She's always been dumb, but I swear she gets wackier with every passing day.
Mike: She said you fired her for some reason?
Grim: Yeah, I fired her because she's a total bitch.
Denise: Quack.
Mike, Knuckles, and Wario all look at each other oddly and stand up. Mew hovers in midair.
Mike: Well, I can't tell you how much we appreciate your help, Grim.
Grim: Of course. If you ever need me, you know where to find me. Just try not to need me.
Mike: Mew, can you teleport us to the Orbital Shipyards? They have every type of spaceship you can think of.
Mew: One interstellar teleport coming up!
Mew begins spinning in midair, and Mike looks at Grim.
Mike: Take care. And thank you.
Grim: Good luck, Mihalis. I hope you find your sister.
The group disappears in a flash of light, leaving Grim in solitude once again.
Denise: Quack.
Grim: Patience, darling. Let us drink whiskey and play World of Warcraft first. Then we can get around to that.
Epilogue
The elevator opens, and Misty walks back into her penthouse after a long day of bartending. Once again, she has single-handedly caused Slackers' Yelp ratings to skyrocket in Mike's absence. She heads for the bedroom, changes into her nightie, and puts on a robe before making her way back to the kitchen. There she pours a glass of Chardonnay and settles into her recliner, sitting next to Mike's. The glass door to the balcony opens, and her beloved Togetic enters the penthouse, having recently arrived to keep her company.
Togetic: Toge!
Misty: *smiling* I'm so glad you made it. I know those guys can handle themselves, but I'm still worried.
This Pokemon was once the Togepi Misty hatched and raised during her first adventure through Kanto. A year later, she had left to protect a Togepi clan, which she continues to do today. However, enough others have grown to allow enough numbers for increased protection, enabling Togetic to visit her adoptive mother.
Misty's phone rings, and the screen displays a Polaroid of her and Mike on top of the Prism Tower in Lumiose City. She answers it.
Misty: Hey, Mike.
Mike: Hi, Mis. Everything okay back home?
Misty: Everything's great. Togetic is here to keep me company.
Mike: That's good to hear. I was calling to tell you we know where Emmy is.
Misty: You do?!
Mike: We just got to the Orbital Shipyards. She's being held hostage.
Misty: Where?!
Mike: Venom.
To be continued…
2019