Disclaimers: I don't own anything.
A/N: This is a trial and error chapter. Because every time I'd try to put ideas into words, I'd always end up incapacitated by writer's block. It's getting kinda annoying, to be honest. But well, I hope you still like the 12th chapter of The Grim Reaper.
I've been busy with work and other stuff that I couldn't find the time to write. T_T. Sorry! Anyway, since it was my rest day (thank God!) I opened my email and ended up seeing reviews and PMs from dedicated fans who are patient enough with my inconsistency. So I thought of updating the story. :)
Hope you enjoy it!
So please keep on reading!
-A
-;-
No one was able to know how much pain Ayuzawa Misaki has seen, how much torture she had undergone and how many deaths she had witnessed.
-;-
Twelve:
Sakura's reaction was something I haven't expected.
After all, I expected she'd be disgusted… freaked out… terrified beyond recognition. But she reacted neither. In fact, she handled it quite well. She listened to me, didn't judge me and stayed silent as I told her my story. When I was done, she merely nodded, patted me on my shoulders and said, "I'm glad you have the balls to tell me that. I'm honored. So… does that mean you're a witch?"
I couldn't avoid sighing. With Sakura, less is always more. Although her calm acceptance of the matter is kind of a good thing, her absurdity is something that is quite too much for me to handle most of the time.
But once again, I admire her braveness. And whatever it may be that protects her from me—from what I am—I'm glad that she has it. I've already considered her as one of my best friends that's why I couldn't afford to have her get hurt. The explanation drags on. There are a few things that are easy to explain that Sakura was able to understand and handle. And although I expected that she'd freaked out as well, I was rather surprise when, like Aoi and Shizuko, she said that she would take my secret to the grave.
Sometimes, I couldn't be sure if this is a good thing or not.
"No, I am not a witch, Sakura. I don't curse people."
"Huh."
I was glad that she let it drop. The topic about witches is not something I really like to discuss. After all, a witch is the reason why I ended up like this—as well as my ancestors.
"So, do you have, like, magic powers?"
Aoi rolled his eyes while Shizuko actually cracked a laugh. I didn't even know the woman is capable of such thing. But she did anyway and when she saw us glancing her way—I, with an amused expression and Sakura laced with sarcasm—she clears her throat and straightens her back.
"No, she doesn't have, you idiot."
Sakura glared at her. "Just how long have you two known about… this? I know I shouldn't be surprised about Kaga with her information network but how did Aoi found out? I mean, you two aren't close anyway."
Aoi shrugged. "Don't misunderstand me. And we don't have to be close for me not to find out about her condition."
"This is not a disease, you idiot." I corrected him sardonically. Because ever since he found out about this, he had continued on his research on how to cure me… despite my absolute disagreement of his association.
"So… what is it then? Aside from being a curse." Sakura asks in interest. "If this isn't a medical condition with no cure… then there must be something that can lift this curse. There is no such thing as a burden that is to be carried around forever. Nothing lasts forever, Ayuzawa. At some point, everything has to end."
I was stunned by what Sakura said. After all, ever since I came here, the moments were she'd say something nice to me is very rare.
A soft side of her? Unbelievable. But like Shizuko and Aoi, she also wanted to help me. She also wanted to risk her life for someone like me. I couldn't crush her hopes the way I did Aoi's. And I couldn't crush Aoi as well. Not after what I did, may it be conscious or not. And aside from that, Shizuko's been pestering me nonstop as to just letting them do what they want. That what they are doing is also for the good of everyone that might get involve with me.
I glowered at her upon she said that. After all, when she said involve, I know she meant someone. And I hated it. Hated the feeling of him having power upon me. It was all so unfair. Because it felt as though he was the one who has the curse and I am the one being affected.
And as much as I hated it, it terrified me. It bothered me that Usui-frickin'-Takumi has this kind of… effect on me… when it shouldn't… when no one else could. I hated it. I hated it because it sends my nerves frayed. Like I'm being burned… and saved. I hated having to associate Usui Takumi with the word hope knowing that it can be crushed anytime like a flower at the side of the road. But I couldn't seem to stop myself from doing so.
And I know I need to stop. Because God knows as well that something within me has started… and that kiss stirred something that should have been long buried and forgotten by now.
I winced at the sudden ache on my forehead and quickly leaned by the wall to calm my nerves. And this as well also bothers me. The headaches and the dizziness. I knew something was up when these symptoms started. And I hated it as well because I know that it was Usui's fault. He did this to me.
He made me like this.
I thought about what Sakura said. That nothing lasts forever—and wondered idly if there really is something that can lift the curse. A certain image appeared inside my head and as quickly as I thought about it was able to dissolve it. I banished away the thought. The hope that sprung inside my heart was immediately lost, leaving a hollow and empty gaping hole at the center of my heart.
There is no way I would involve him… even if he looks damn familiar to me.
And for whatever reason, I'm quite afraid to find out.
Upon remembering the kiss, I couldn't avoid being uncomfortable. Because the simple touch of his lips is enough to drive me unfocused. And I hated it. I hated being under anybody's control—especially when I'm used to being the woman on top. Quickly, I diminished the thought; secretly hoping that my short pause didn't gave away the small seed of hope that is trying to blossom within my heart.
"I-I don't know. My clan did the best that they can do to stop… whatever this is that latched itself to us. But it's been years. So much blood has been shed—and not a single one of them was able to lift the curse."
"Maybe because it's something that is not meant to be lifted in their time—but rather in yours." Aoi offered; a confused look in his feline face—something that only appears when he's in deep thought.
"Or maybe," it was Shizuko this time. "—it is not meant to be lifted… but rather to find a way out around it. Maybe you're all too focused on trying to lift the curse that you're overlooking something. Maybe you're supposed to find a way around it and not to lift it."
What she said made sense although I'm still a bit confused. Because how can we find a way around it when ever since the beginning, we've been blocked from doing something to prevent it?
"Stop beating yourself over it. It's just a guess." Shizuko says before she stands and dusts herself from invisible dirt. "Why don't we call it a night? Aoi, you can sleep over if you want. We have an extra mattress here."
Aoi shakes her head. "I can't. I'm not comfortable sleeping on the floor—and in the girls dormitory. And if Takumi finds out that I slept in here," it didn't escape my eyes when he darted a quick glance at me. "—he's going to be piss. These past few days, he keeps on thinking that Yukimura and I are hitting on Ayuzawa."
I almost got choke by my own bile. "Excuse me?!" I wasn't sure if I should get offended or what. But guaranteed that I was having mixed emotions. Because in the first place, why would Takumi be pissed that someone was hitting on me?
Why would he care?
Mentally, I shake my head. There is no way that I would let myself get affected by something as trivial as this. I have learned my lesson. It is much better if I don't involve myself on him too much. "We should probably call it a day."
Aoi rolled his eyes at me. "Way to go, Ayuzawa."
"I don't understand what you're talking about."
He snorted at me. "Aside from being such a bad liar, you are also not very good when it comes to avoiding situations that you find complicated. I don't think we should rule out the fact that Takumi plays a great role in this… situation."
"I don't understand why we have to drag him in this, Aoi."
To my utmost irritation, Sakura decided to butt in as well; a curious expression in her feline eyes. "What does he have to do with you?"
"He serves as a repellant." Shizuko says without preamble before glancing at me; ignoring my dangerous scowl. "And two more things, Ayuzawa. First is he's also unaffected of you and lastly, he'll start to notice soon."
"Notice what?" I challenged.
"You. He may not notice it now but chances are he'll notice it much later than sooner. He's not an Usui for nothing. He can catch on even the simplest of gestures. He'll definitely notice that something is wrong."
That stings a bit. "I'm sorry for being… wrong."
"It's not you. It's the situation that you're in." she corrected me; easily catching on that I got offended. "And if Takumi is much smarter than I am, chances are he's already aware of it and he's been watching you ever since the beginning." She shrugs again. "Although why he would kiss you is something that still fascinates me."
My eyes rounded at that while Sakura quickly snaps her eyes at me as though I've grown out two more heads. "He kissed you?! Why?!"
I was quick to defend myself. I didn't like the way she asked me. I didn't want them to think that I hypnotized him into kissing me! "I don't know! He just jumped on me! Why should I be the one to get all the blame?!"
"Usui Takumi doesn't just jump anybody!" she snarled at me; clearly in disbelief over what just happened.
And how I wished they were all there so they can witness that Usui-frickin'-Takumi just jumped me! I groaned, all hopes lost because I know they'd rather die than believe me. In the end, I ended up with an exhale. "Let's just friggin' call it a night."
.
The morning after was much quieter than necessary—but not awkward.
As usual, we did our standard routines. I woke up early to cook breakfast; Shizuko sat in front of her laptop by the dining table and either watch or read the morning news while Sakura was busy prancing around the room finding her missing stuff. In the end, Aoi decided to stay for the night although he'd leave much earlier than us to avoid being seen coming out of the girl's dormitory.
"What will you tell Usui?" Shizuko asks while she was busy browsing in front of her laptop.
He shrugged. "I'll handle him. I'll just tell him I have late night discussions with you at the office."
"Reasonable."
"Have some coffee first before you leave." I say and place a cup of hot coffee in front of him. I also served Shizuko and Sakura their usual black tea and orange juice and went on to occupy my seat. "Won't you get in trouble for staying out at a school night?"
He shakes his head. "Nah. Don't worry about it. We all have our own businesses to mind. He doesn't mind if I stay out late as long as I don't get myself in trouble."
We had our breakfast in silence. And as soon as they were done, Aoi was out of the room, leaving all three of us in our dorm. I was in the middle of clearing the table when Shizuko spoke again.
"So, what about you? What's your plan?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "About what in particular?"
"I heard that Takumi offered you a ride to the shrine for this coming dance. With what's going between you two, I doubt it'd be push through."
I tried my best to ignore Sakura when she snapped sharp eyes at me. I know I have to deal with her later regarding the kissing accident and I was dreading that moment that's why I was trying to avoid it as much as possible. Mentally, I cursed Shizuko for asking all the wrong questions at the wrong time.
When I sense her impatience over my silence, I sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't think I can just come up to him and say I don't want to ride with him anymore."
"Why not?"
"I'm not like you, Shizuko." I say with a roll of my eyes. "I'll probably just… figure out what I can do about it. If I can't get out of school during the dance, I'd probably just stay here in the dorm all day while you two are out partying."
"Or you could just come with us." Sakura says with a shrug. "If you don't have, like a date, we can all just come together. I'm sure Yuki and the others will dance with you."
Speaking of dates… I decided to divert the conversation to somewhere else. "So… who are you going to bring with you?"
Sakura's eyes instantly turned sharp over my question. "What do you mean? Yukimura ask me out. Of course I'd go out with him."
"You mean…" I was careful when I mouth the questions. "—you're not going with Kuuga-kun?"
She rolled her eyes. "Why would I go with him to the dance, you idiot."
"She's right." Shizuko agrees with her. "I don't think Sakurai would be able to accommodate Hanazono, either. After all, news reached me that his band is supposed to play during the ball."
"Wow." I didn't know he can sing… although I'm quite aware he's a rock band fan with the way he dresses himself. I turned to Sakura again. "That's so cool. If he had a girlfriend, she'd be one proud woman."
"Well, he had a fiancée." Shizuko muttered sardonically, neither eyeing Sakura nor I. "But I heard they weren't in good—or even speaking terms."
I fought the urge to laugh while Sakura pretended as though she didn't hear that; absent mindedly stirring the drink in front of her as though her life defended on it. I sighed upon seeing the conflict in her eyes—like she was having a hard time deciding on whether she should come up and speak to him or just go and ignore him because her pride is what matters to her the most.
Curse matters of the heart. It's the one thing I really didn't want to tangle with.
But thinking about my current situation with Usui Takumi made me think I've already stepped into a zone I should have avoided in the first place.
.
I was on the lookout the entire day that it made me feel stupid and ridiculous.
And what made things worse is that every time I'd see a shade of blonde coming my way—or even simply passing by—I'd end up flinching like I'd been electrocuted. And I absolutely hated it. So there was this guy with the same hair color and style as him that went past me to talk with Sakura. And me being stupid, I ended up running off, leaving Sakura confused and pissed.
"Weirdo." I heard one student mutter to her friend who gave me a funny look and ended up laughing.
And I wasn't surprise anymore when Sakura and I reunited by the library that she was utterly pissed at me. I couldn't blame her either way. After all, it was I that's been acting weird the entire time.
"What's with you two?" Shizuko who has just recently arrived since we're all studying for the coming exam asks at the sight of a pissed off Sakura.
"Ayuzawa is acting so weird it's irritating me."
Finally understanding what Sakura meant by what she said, Shizuko nodded. "You're really stupid if you think you can avoid Takumi."
My mind went absolutely blank at the mention of his name the same moment my stupid heart started to beat absolutely crazy. I mentally cursed myself, loathing the way my body is responding to him—or at the mere mention of his name. Perceptually, I tried calming myself. There's no way I'm going to act like this in front of him.
It's just… a crush.
I couldn't avoid the groan that escapes my throat—completely ignoring Sakura and Shizuko who's been watching my melancholy since it started. It didn't matter to me if they think I look like an idiot in my self-made desperation. Because all that bothers me is the truth that has been waving at me since who knows when.
I like him. Dammit, but I like Usui Takumi—when I shouldn't, wouldn't… couldn't.
He's off limits. When I first laid eyes on him—this… inexplicably handsome specie—I know he was something—someone—I should steer clear of. He was danger. Instantaneously… mechanically… I knew Usui Takumi had something in him that could destroy… whatever it may be that I built around me.
And now, for some reasons that even I couldn't understand… here I am… liking him.
And I unquestionably, totally, loathed that truth. Because not only would it place me in great danger, it would also put his life on the line. True that he acts as my repellant… that I don't have such dangerous effect on him but still, being involved with someone like him, only equates danger.
And worst, death.
The memory of that time in Sapporo made me flinch. Alarmed, I quickly shake my head, trying to bring myself back in reality, and quickly focus my entire attention on the book that I was reading.
"Didn't know you girls are here as well."
I jump on my seat at the sound of Hideki's voice. Because I was certain that whereas Hideki was present, a certain someone was present as well. I swallowed the bile forming in my throat when Usui Takumi's scent filled all of my senses and as unnoticeable as I can, silently put my earphones on.
I know Sakura and Shizuko caught me and I was thankful that they didn't gave away what I just did and went on with their casual greeting to the newcomers.
But my façade didn't last long because I was surprise when Aoi took the open spot between Sakura and me and yanked off my earphones.
"Awfully rude, aren't we?" he says in lieu of hello and smiles sardonically at me. "What are you reading?"
"Her Math notes." Shizuko says with a roll of her eyes. "She's been stuck in that particular page ever since she arrived here."
I frowned at Shizuko. "Yeah, I'm sorry if I'm such an idiot, Kaga-san."
"Well, speaking of Math, Takumi is actually the best when it comes to that subject." I stared at Aoi in obvious horror while the bastard simply winked at me as though what he did was trying to help me.
I really want to hang this person in the ceiling sometimes.
And my entire body stiffens when I heard the chair beside me being pulled off and the sound of someone's bag being drop on the floor. Crap. I kept my eyes on the book I was reading after glowering at Aoi—fighting the urge to hypnotize him into humiliation—and went on with absentmindedly reading endless numbers and formulas.
"I-It isn't like I don't know this." I stuttered stupidly.
"Need I remind you that you failed that pop quiz we all had last Wednesday?"
"How did you know that?!" I nearly screamed, whipping my head towards the direction of the owner's voice and was taken aback when I was met instead with alluring emerald orbs. It felt as though something huge blockaded my throat as Usui Takumi stared right into me.
Something burned in his eyes and for a moment, I thought I was going to get pulled in. The kiss instantly popped into my head—sending me to Memory Lane—and before I could even do something stupid, I was quick to tear my eyes away from the source of my most recent distress—and frickin' embarrassment.
In front of me, Shizuko rolled her eyes.
I can still feel him staring at me and when he finally looked away, I did my best to focus on studying. But it was so clear that my mind is already elsewhere—that I was already someplace else. I frowned, staring at the jumble of letters and numbers in front of me, and realized that there is no way for me to learn everything that needs to be learned if I was near him. But walking out is not an option.
Because for one, if I walked out, Aoi, Sakura and Shizuko will get pissed.
Secondly, I'll be walking out on more than three people.
And lastly, Takumi's gonna get pissed. I know I shouldn't care... but still, the thought of him getting pissed and following me out (I really think too much of myself) is something I do not want to face at the moment.
Besides, it was just a kiss... right?
Wrong, Ayuzawa. Of course, it wasn't just a frickin' kiss! Because if it were, I wouldn't be mentally panicking like what I've been doing now. And there is currently one more problem at hand—that ride he offered me.
Damn it why was I so stupid? Had I not been enticed by his eyes, I wouldn't have been hypnotized into submission.
I froze. Could it be...? Could it be that he's cursed as well?
Don't be stupid, Ayuzawa.
Yeah, I shouldn't be stupid. This isn't how I usually think. That kiss must have affected my brain thoroughly.
"Isn't it exam week? We shouldn't be having practice."
My head snapped up upon hearing Yukimura's complain. There was another student standing right next to him and it seems like he was the dealer of some unwanted news. My forehead creased as I glanced around—noticing that everybody was staring at the bespectacled guy who looked as though he was a bug under microscopic viewing.
"I-I'm sorry! But the coach said—"
"Let him off, Yuki. It wasn't his fault." Hideki says good naturedly before glancing back towards the messenger and smiles. "We'll be there right away. Thanks for telling us." And as soon as he said that, the bespectacled student quickly run off as though he was chasing for dear life.
My forehead creased—my distress temporarily forgotten. "What's happening?"
"Soccer practice." Hideki says while flashing me an amiable smile. "Well, guess we won't be studying with you all after all. Shall we?" He started fixing his stuff and when Shizuko wasn't looking, quickly planted a chaste kiss on her cheek.
The odd woman glowered at him, wipes her cheek as though she made contact with something dirty.
I ignored that. But they were all leaving. Discreetly, I glanced at Takumi who was also starting to shove his stuff in his bag—his eyes had that expression as though he was disturbed from a very much needed nap.
How respectful.
"Bye, girls. See you all later." Yuki says and when he spotted me, he waved in a really friendly way. "You're so gloomy today, Misaki. If we didn't have any soccer practices, I would've asked you out for ice cream."
Yukimura is really a breath of fresh air. I couldn't help but smile at him. "Thanks, Yuki. Maybe once you're done."
BAM!
We all glanced at Takumi in sync when he slammed his duffel bag against the expensive wood. He zipped his bag with unconcealed ire before he glanced—more like glared—at Yuki and the others. "We're leaving."
"Let's go, everyone." Aoi says, as though he was giving every single one of us a warning about something only they could understand. The rest of them waved goodbye to us. Aoi threw me a pissed look before turning his back on us and walks away along with the rest.
Takumi stands as well and I couldn't help but stare at him. He stared down at me, towering over me, before he rolled his eyes as though I was the reason for his bad mood and slings his bag over his shoulder. He glanced towards Shizuko and Sakura's direction and I couldn't help but glanced as well at the two—wondering what was wrong. However, it was as though both of them has already immersed themselves with studying as they both had their eyes on their notebooks.
My forehead creased once again, wondering what in the world is happening... when I felt Takumi's huge and warm hands on my shoulder. Quickly, my entire body froze—feeling the electricity run rampant from the tips of my toes before escalating to my legs up to my hips and shooting up to my chest before creating a massive mess inside my head.
It was... stimulating... and I wonder how a single touch coming from him aroused so many hidden and restrained emotions. And when he lightly squeezed the pads of my shoulder, an odd wave of... heat emerged from my chest... going all the way down to my hips... and further down.
What the hell is happening to my body?
And then he was gone, his back on us and was all set to follow the others. But the feelings were still there... the electricity... the odd wave of... pleasure—if that is what pleasure feels. I've never felt pleasure before... only pain.
What the hell...?
"What was that all about?" Sakura asks, concealing the urge to scream at me. I glanced at her and saw her fanning herself as though she'd run for a marathon. "I swear to God I've never seen that sort of... frustration before."
For a moment, I set aside the emotions. "Does he look angry?"
"More like frustrated sexually!"
"S-Stupid...!" I couldn't help but shriek at her.
"What a pervert." Shizuko muttered with a roll of her eyes before gazing back at me. "Are you all right?"
I couldn't find the best answer to her question, therefore, I decided on something generic. "I-I... I guess I am."
"So, what was that all about?" Sakura asks again, the look on her face made me think that if I didn't give away any vital information, she's lunged against me over the table. "I swear I would have watched the two of you if only he didn't glower at us as though he'd bite our heads off! Damn, that was frickin' hot. Are you sure you're not dating? Because that looks to me like you two are dating."
"We're not." I mumbled stupidly, trying to focus on my notes—although I would be lying to myself because nothing else registers in my head but his touch.
"Deny it all you want." Shizuko says which made me snap my eyes back to her—to them. "But you know that you can't run away from him any longer. I've never seen him like that before."
Again, I was confused. "Like what?"
"Like he wanted to wring Yuki's neck." Sakura answered in Shizuko's place. "A jealous Usui Takumi? That wasn't something you see every day—and I wanted to see that."
I truly wish she hadn't said that—the jealous part.
.
"Why are you still awake?"
I stared at Sakura in confusion, walking towards her and taking note of the hot chocolate she was drinking while seated on the terrace that overlooks the mountainous area of the Academy. It was a cold night—and I know she hated the cold—that's why I was confused as to why she was out here, in the middle of the cold night.
She glanced at me and grinned. "Hey."
"Are you okay?" I heard Shizuko's door softly opened as well but I didn't bother to voice it out. "Isn't it cold out here?"
Sakura shrugged. "Not really. What about you? Why are you still awake?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Same here." She says and stares out into the dark shadows that were the mountains. "Well, I've been thinking... the reason I came here is because I've been after Usui Takumi ever since I laid eyes on him. I met him when I was fourteen—I think. And he was just so... beautiful and elusive. Even up until now, he's still hard to achieve—someone that has always been out of my reach."
For a moment, I froze. Because somehow, I'm completely aware where this sort of conversation will lead the two of us. I occupied the vacant seat right next to her, ignoring the biting wind and stared at the huge shadows of the mountains in front of us. By the living room, I can feel Shizuko's presence as she silently listened to our conversation.
I allowed her to do so, hoping that, in some way, she'll come to understand Sakura's true feelings—her admiration towards her cousin.
My attention went back to Sakura when she chuckled darkly. "You probably think I'm being silly."
"No. Not at all."
"Just so you know, I'm not used to being like this." She says, her usual air of arrogance was present again. But it faded eventually, and her sad demeanor returned. "Anyway, I guess.. I truly love him."
"How can you say that so easily? Doesn't it take... a lot of time to realized that you are truly in love with someone else?"
"Well, I thought it was just me being a fan girl." She mumbled with a shrug. "But over time, I realized how... serious my feelings were for Usui Takumi. It's not just the usual... crush that I would usually have. I—for the lack of a better word—adored him. I woke up one day and I realized that I'm in love with him. And then there are a lot of idiots out there claiming and professing their love for him as well. I've never felt this hopeless before."
She rolled her eyes once again. "I'm one of those idiots."
I frowned at her. "No, you're not."
She snapped reddish-brown eyes at me and rolled her eyes before sighing. "Well, easy for you to say. You saw Usui Takumi one time and confidently declared that you hated him. If I were being honest to you and myself, I actually admired you when you said that you would never fall in love with him. I've met a lot of girls who said the same thing and after a few days, they all end up worshipping him. But you were different." She stared at me from head to toe and smirks. "In a whole level different."
I pointed out myself—trying to make the conversation lighter. "Cursed child."
It worked. Sakura laughed. "Well, that's an unfortunate part. But well, here's the thing: Usui Takumi is in love with you—and it's not because of your curse."
"No, he's not—"
"He is." She says with conviction that I was nearly convinced as well—nearly. "He is. I've been with him for as long as I could remember and not even for once had I seen him looked twice to a girl. He's never even spoken with a girl before—except, of course, with Shizuko—but other than that, he's never given anyone, any one, the second glance."
And then she stared at me. And when her feline eyes landed on me, I couldn't help but swallow as I felt the... impact of what she's going to say not only to me but to our friendship. And when I saw her eyes shine like moonlight, I was taken aback.
Sakura was quick to looked away, swallowing with difficulty because I know that what she's supposed to say is both a game changer for the both of us. "Except you, Ayuzawa. He's never looked at anybody... except you."
"Probably, because he thinks I'm an idiot. You know we hated each other."
"The kiss?" To that, I have no answer. Sakura laughed again. "To me, my world has always revolved around him. But for him, I guess, I'm just one of his annoying fan girls."
"That's not true..." Was all I was able to say. "I'm quite sure he appreciates all that—with that inflated ego of his."
"I would have been happier if that were the case." She says. "Unfortunately, it wasn't. Usui Takumi is an unreachable person. I couldn't even remember a single news about him dating someone—or liking someone. But one look and I know that he likes you. You're different." She repeated her previous statement with bitterness. But I'm quite sure there aren't any single trace of hatred. "I envy you."
"You shouldn't."
"But I do. I know you feel like you're unworthy or undeserving of the love but you deserve it more than you should. Let's set aside the curse. Bottom line is, you deserve it as much as everybody else. I know you like him too. You don't have to lie about it. I mean, I wouldn't get mad. You two are conscious of each other. Tell me, Ayuzawa, what's stopping you from liking him?"
"I-I... I don't know."
"What is it that you don't know?"
"I mean, I'm not sure."
One perfect eyebrow rose. "Of what?"
I pointed out myself again and furiously shakes my head. "I don't know. I... It's complicated."
"Is it because of the curse?"
"I'm cursed. I couldn't... bring him down along with me. A-Anyway, I'm sure you're just mistaken. Takumi is—Usui is—we don't see each other that way. The kiss is probably just... I don't know."
"Look at me." And when I did, she made sure that I won't look away from her feline eyes. "Do you really not know... or is it simply because you didn't have the courage to face what you already know?"
I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn't know Sakura had this sort of personality. For a moment, I thought I was speaking with Shizuko when it comes to forcing the truth out of me.
In front of me, Sakura sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just feeling a bit down today. But you know, talking with you like this made me feel better."
Surprised, I snapped my eyes back to her. "Really?"
She nodded. "Yes."
"N-Nobody has ever said that to me until now." And for a moment, I decided to forget Usui Takumi and focused on the matter at hand—even though he's also a matter at hand. "In fact, I've never had any late-night conversations like these before."
She grinned at me. "Me too. Usually, I'd talk with other people and then they'd cut me off and starts to do the talking instead. Had you done the same I'd probably end up throwing you off to the ground."
To that, I laughed. "As if I'd let you."
"You're probably honored."
"Hey, don't think so much of yourself." We both laugh it off, exhales at the same time before we decided to stare at the still dark mountains in front of us. I know she was feeling sad but one thing for sure is that Sakura Hanazono will gradually let go of her feelings for Usui Takumi.
And another thing is that this particular night, we were able to step past the boundaries in our friendship.
From the living room, I can hear the soft sound Shizuko's bedroom door created as she retired to her own room.
When I was back in my room, and the soft breathing of my roommates as they retired for bed were echoing on the corners of our dorm room, I couldn't help but consider the current situation at hand.
And then I've decided on one thing.
Tomorrow, I will talk to him.
.
I couldn't talk to Usui Takumi.
I was an idiot to think that I could talk to him. I was stupid and naïve. Last night, I made sure to practice all the things that I wanted to say to him. I practice so many scenarios in my head and ended up getting less sleep and when I woke up the following day—most probably because of Sakura's loud shrieking and the earsplitting tone of my alarm—I ended up realizing that all practices and speeches I did last night were futile... as I couldn't bring myself to even look at him.
Not when he's looking at me right now in the same way he did when he kissed me.
Arg, you idiot! Stop looking at me!
I tried to look away from him—more like tried to push him out of my flustered system—and focused instead on my meal. But curiosity did the best out of me and, slowly I peeked at him through the fringe of my bangs and caught him staring. But this time, it was as though he decided not to hide the fact anymore that he was staring at me. He stared at me, with his hand tucked underneath his chin—his pinky finger touching the side of his lips.
I was frozen on the spot.
From across the cafeteria, I could clearly see his lopsided grin before he looked down and started to play with his food.
For a moment, I was released from his spell. I quickly stuff a handful of fries in my mouth, eating ravenously because I've been feeling so self-conscious to the point that I could barely eat—just because he was looking at me.
Damn prick.
"This is disgusting." Sakura says while glowering at me. "You've been eating like a pig since yesterday! Aren't you worried you'd get fat?!"
"Not really." I mumbled and takes a huge swig from my canned Coke. "I'm actually starving."
"Here. You can have mine." She says with a frown and pushes her plate of untouched burger towards me. "I hate today's food anyway."
"Won't you get hungry?" I inquired, hesitantly accepting the grace. "I mean, I'm down to eating this for you but I don't want to hear you complaining about a stomachache later."
"Geez, just eat! You're annoying me! And stop flirting with Takumi-sama from such a distance! You've been staring and looking away from each other ever since we've started Lunch period and its annoying me!"
"We're not flirting!" I hissed at her, hiding behind my hair when several students snapped their eyes at us. I glared at her. "Will you please keep it down? You're attracting attention! I don't want people looking my way!"
"Apart from Usui?" Shizuko says nonchalantly.
I frowned at her as well. Really nice, Kaga. I decided to ignore them both and quickly stands to get some utensils. I didn't want my hands getting dirty from eating the messy cheese burger that Sakura ordered, therefore, I needed some utensils. When I got to the section were the fork and knives are placed, I quickly grab some napkin and waited for the cafeteria lady to replenish the disposable plastic utensils, tapping my fingers on the counter to distract myself while waiting, showing the cafeteria lady my impatience.
But the staff didn't seem to mind it as she continued calculating how many meal tickets were used.
"Oi, Misaki. How are you doing?"
I was startled to see Igarashi Tora. It was as though I haven't seen him for a long time. "Oi, Igarashi. Rude as usual, aren't you?"
He laughed at that. "I don't know. But it felt as though I can be myself whenever I'm with you."
His statement made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to hear that from someone like Igarashi Tora. No offense meant. I like Igarashi. He's cool to be with but sometimes, he's going a bit too far with his words.
"So, about the dance—"
I decided to cut him off again on that. "You're still yapping about that, Igarashi-kun? I told you that I'm not coming."
He sighed. "I'm just wondering if you would ever change your mind."
"I'm afraid she won't."
Both Igarashi and I stared at the newcomer's voice—none other than Usui Takumi—who appeared out of nowhere while staring heatedly at Igarashi-kun. The air between them became unsettling and before I could even say anything, Igarashi beat me to it.
"It isn't like you'll be the one deciding for Ayuzawa-san, Usui. Butt out."
And to my surprise, Takumi turned to me. "Are you going to changed your mind and go to the dance with him?"
"U-Uh..." Speak, Ayuzawa! I shake my head furiously, and quickly turned to Igarashi and lowers down my head in apology. "I appreciate the invitation, Igarashi-kun. However, my decision still stands. I really can't go to the dance. I'm so sorry!"
Igarashi-kun looked taken aback for a moment before he simply laughed it off, patted me on the shoulders and turned their backs on us. But before he could do so, he paused on his tracks and glances sideways again at me. "Ayuzawa-san, I didn't want to offend you or anything, but I strongly suggest you stay away from that guy."
For a moment, I was confused. "What do you mean?"
"It wouldn't do you any good being with a guy like Usui Takumi. Besides, haven't you heard the news?"
"What news?" I asked—my voice coming out like a whisper. And this feeling in my guts felt as though I was half-expecting that this news isn't going to be a good one.
"Tora." Takumi said, there was warning in his voice as he said his name.
Igarashi-kun feigned surprise. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know you haven't told Ayuzawa-san yet about the discussion about your fiancée. Well, I guess I'll leave the two of you to talk about it. See you around." He nodded at us and finally turns his back to us—leaving me bewildered and speechless.
We stayed in silence for a moment and when I realized that the disposable utensils have been refilled, I quickly got a plastic fork and knife and started to walk away. But Takumi didn't let me as he quickly grab me by the elbow.
I growled at him. "What?"
"Let's talk."
I swat his hand off my arm. "You're actually the last person I wanted to speak with right now."
"It wasn't like I've agreed with it. And just like what that idiot Igarashi said, it's just a discussion."
"I'm sorry?"
Takumi sighed. "My betrothal."
I rolled my eyes at that; fighting the strong urge to smash a chair on his inflated head. "Takumi, let me be clear on one thing here. I don't care whether you go off and marry someone else. I wish you happiness, I really do. So, please stop pestering me."
"You don't care but you're almost green with jealousy."
I pursed my lips, clenching my fist tightly while mentally tying myself tightly to an imaginary tree to refrain myself from doing anything stupid. I snapped my eyes shut, trying to control my raging temper. I could almost feel something trying to emerge out of my system and I knew it could only result to something bad—something that might give away my monstrosity.
But I couldn't contain the anger... and whatever it was that's been trying to blindside me. The sound of glass breaking and a startled scream snap me out of my reverie and when Takumi glanced at the direction of the sound, I was quick to walk past him.
I sneak a glance at the table with the glass that mysteriously exploded and realized that it was Kaon's table. She seemed utterly surprised and when she caught my eyes, her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.
I ignored her, stole a glance at the broken glass on her table and quickly went to my table to get my stuff.
Both Sakura and Shizuko seemed surprise when I appeared on their table out of breath. "Hey, what happened to you?!"
"Did you do that?" Shizuko asks under a whisper, glancing discreetly at Kaon's table before throwing another glance at Takumi's direction. "Did you two have a fight?"
"We didn't. I'm leaving."
"But the cheese burger!"
I glanced at the inviting cheese burger in front of me and, without another word, walked out of the cafeteria. Such a waste of damned food.
.
I've had more time than necessary after classes as I have to wait for Sakura and Shizuko.
I dump my stuff on the ground, waiting for Shizuko and Sakura as I told them I'd be waiting for them outside the building by the lawn. I insisted to head straight to the dorms but Shizuko explicitly told me to stay put somewhere with less students to make sure I wouldn't be causing trouble.
When I was comfortable seated on the surprisingly soft and dry grass, I opened up my notes and started to do the easier assignments. Ten minutes later and I ended up snapping shut my Chemistry book as Usui Takumi's face started bothering my head.
I frowned at the grass, imagining that it was him and irritably punch it.
Fiancée, huh...?
I didn't know what I was so mad about. It wasn't like he was my boyfriend or something. Besides, we're not even friends to begin with. And it was quite obvious that his family would be choosing someone from a higher status... someone who would never cause or drag their son to endless trouble... someone human.
And I am not that.
I frowned again, staring at my line-less hands and frowned even deeper over the realization of how much different I was to them. Sakura was right. I am different. I'm not even human to begin with.
"Hey, hag. Why the long face?"
I glanced up at Aoi, startled, when he appeared out of nowhere and stash his stuff on the ground as well—occupying the spot next to me. I frowned at him, confused. "What are you doing here?" I asked, pulling on the wet strands of his bluish hair. "Did you fall on the water or something?"
"I just got out of shower, stupid." He says and swats my hand away. "Just got out of soccer practice. Man, I'm tired."
"You should've gone straight to the dorms, then."
He rolled his eyes. "Unlike you, I don't take the bus. I didn't want to risk it as well since a lot of girls keeps ogling at me it was annoying."
I scowled. "How arrogant."
"Anyway," he waved one hand dismissively. "—why are you sulking? You look as though someone killed your favorite hero. It's ugly, by the way."
I scowled again. "Did you come here to piss me off some more?"
Aoi laughed. "I knew it."
"You knew what?"
"You're jealous, indeed."
"No, I'm not!" I nearly shrieked. And when I saw a grin forming on his lips, I was quick to push him away; trying to curtain my embarrassment with anger. "I don't know what you're talking about."
He laughed sardonically. "You're such an awful liar, Ayuzawa. It's very unlikely of you to lie. I know that you know what I'm talking about. Are you worried that your Usui Takumi is going to get taken away?"
"No, I'm not. He can get married to whomever he wants and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash about it. Again, I'm not jealous."
When he didn't respond, I decided to stay silent as well... but for some odd reasons, I couldn't seem to settle down—nor calm down. Damn, I couldn't even relax. And I was so bothered with the news about him having a fiancée that I couldn't seem to stay still for even a single moment.
I ended up groaning and irritably slammed myself on the soft grass. "This is annoying."
Aoi laughed and lies down next to me. He elbowed me. "I knew it. Your secrets are out in the open, Misaki. You don't need to hide your feelings from me anymore. You like Takumi."
"I'm not very happy with it though."
"With the fiancée thing?"
I rolled my eyes. "With me liking him."
"You just admitted it." He pointed out, an amused expression in his eyes. "So, you really like him, huh?"
"I wouldn't be caught dead saying that again." I told sardonically. "But as you can see, whether I like him or not is no longer important... as your best friend is going to be married off to someone else."
Aoi laughed again. "Ayuzawa, this is a family matter and I wasn't supposed to be telling you anything. Grandpa is a very strict person and whatever he does, he does it for the family's sake. You see, he wouldn't want anything—or anyone—to bring shame to the family status."
"Are you all that rich?" I asked in complete bewilderment. "Just who are you people?"
"Look, bottom line is, the discussion about the betrothal is just it—a discussion. Besides, Takumi's only seventeen. Even if Grandpa's strict with him, he still thinks that he deserves to live his teenager life to the fullest. Although if you are going to date him, you have to prepare yourself well because it means facing Grandpa, his elder brother and the rest of his family."
Once again, I couldn't help but get flustered. But I quickly set that aside because there are other things at hand that I need to finish, "I'm not even human. I don't want to hear you favoring me."
"Hey, I'm not. But you're different from the rest of the girls around him."
I pointed out myself. "Different. You mean cursed, right?"
Aoi rolled his eyes. "Not that one, stupid. We'll just have to find a way around it."
I couldn't avoid exhaling. "Aoi, I already told you—"
"And I told you as well to not be such a pest." He cuts me off. "You told us before that you decided to leave your family to break the curse. How are you supposed to break it off if you have such a negative and pessimistic approach on it?"
Again, I couldn't help but sigh. "Aoi, you don't understand. Because the more I stay in here, the more I'm being brought to the realization that there really is no way to break it. Sometimes, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd really live with it for the rest of my life."
"Well, it isn't like we won't be here for you."
Startled, I quickly turned to him. "What are you talking about?"
"Yeah. What are you two murmuring about? And what curse are you talking about?"
I nearly choke on my own breath while Aoi muttered a curse under his breath as we both looked up at the same time to the newcomer—just in time to see none other than Usui Takumi towering right in front of us. It was startling that we didn't even see him arrived nor approached us.
Damn it! I'm getting more reckless by the second!
I was quick to stand and entered my defensive mode. "W-What are you doing here?!"
"You can be here and I can't?" he asked smugly, gazing at me from head to toe before exhaling. "Don't shoot me. I didn't come here to piss you off some more."
I use my irritation to hide my anxiety over the fact that he overheard Aoi and I's conversation. "Then what did you come here for?"
But before Takumi could even respond, Aoi noisily dusted his pants from invisible dirt. "Well, I'll leave you two on your own. I'll just go get something to drink."
Blessed that damn prick for leaving me out here to this wolf!
"Get me some too." Takumi said before dumping his stuff next to Aoi's things and flops down on the ground. I wondered if I should just walked away and leave him to his own devices but it was as though he was able to read my mind as he quickly patted the space next to him. "I'll just drag you back here, Ayuzawa."
He's right. And it was quite obvious that I fall a lot whenever I'd try to run.
I took the spot next to him but decided to place a considerable distance between us. "What do you need?"
"One conversation with you."
I flushed beet red. Somehow, I have this inkling on where this 'one conversation' might lead us. "A-About what?"
"Stop pretending. You know what I'm talking about."
Blood rushed up to my face as his response confirmed my thoughts. Crap, I don't know how to deal with this! I didn't even want to deal with this! And darn it I swore to my cousin's grave that I will never have this sort of conversation again!
When I didn't respond, I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry."
I backpedalled for a moment. And quickly, I snapped my attention back to him—eyes wide; almost popping out of my sockets. "What?"
He exhaled again. And I took note of his clenched fist… and the way blood slowly colored the skin on his nape up to the tips of his ears. My mouth popped open. He was truly alluring whenever he's blushing, darn it!
When he saw my expression, he was quick to look away—emerald eyes aloof. "You're annoying."
"What the hell—"
"Be quiet for a moment, woman." He muttered, annoyed, as he silenced me with his intense eyes.
I swallowed hard as I continued staring at him. He was so… beautiful. I can't believe someone as beautiful as him was here, seated right next to me—and not attacking me. That was something. But setting the curse aside, still, he's inhumanly beautiful. Ever since I met him… what truly caught my attention about him… was his eyes.
Darn it.
"I'm sorry." He said again after a few minutes of awkward and tense silence. "For making you angry… I'm sorry."
I was still dumbfounded that the only thing I was able to do is to nod. "O-Okay…"
He exhaled again. Takumi gazed at me for a moment before he turned away, his intense emerald eyes staring through the line of trees before us as though something in it caught his interest. His ears turned pink in the process. "I didn't know… why I did that. If you know what I mean. I'm sorry that I made you angry. Truth be told, I feel bad about it. Hideki said I'm an asshole."
"You are indeed."
"I never said I wasn't. And Hideki was very much aware of that."
"You told him?" Mentally, I panicked.
He snorted at that. "Why would I? I don't kiss-and-tell."
"Yeah, you just kiss!"
When he snapped green eyes at me, more blood rushed up to my brain. I mentally beat myself for being such a blabber mouth. I can't believe I just blurted it out so shamelessly! But my mortification dissipated when he chuckled a very low one—and Heaven knows that I've never seen him chuckle before.
Wow, that's sexy…
"You're right."
I was confused. "About what?"
"I just kiss." I couldn't help but blush again over the innuendo. And before I could even scream into his ears, he silences me again with his glare. "I didn't mean to make you angry. Or whatever. And I'm sorry if I made you angry. But…"
My forehead creased as my heart started beating wildly against my ribcage. "But what?"
"Just so you know…" he glanced at me again, green eyes intense and concentrated—only to me. "—I don't feel sorry that I kissed you. You can get mad about it… but I won't say sorry that I did it."
"W-Why…?"
"I don't even know the answer to that. Maybe, in the long run, we'll find out." When he glanced at me, I quickly looked away. I didn't want to see the emotion in his eyes. I didn't want to confirm anything—not when I'm… still a monster. I didn't want to promise anything. I cannot carelessly declare something… or carelessly discover something that might become troublesome in the future.
But my mind has plans on its own as different ideas about what the future might be holding for Usui Takumi and I began appearing in my head.
"Ayuzawa."
Startled, I quickly turned my head to Takumi and was even more startled when I realized that he was nearer than expected—and that he had already closed the distance I set between us with me noticing. I was quick to lean away but he was even quicker when he grabbed me by the arm and draws me closer.
I was instantly hypnotized by his green eyes—as though he was the cursed one and not the other way around. And I wanted nothing but to stomped on this complicated feelings… that further complicates things.
"W-What is it…?"
He sighed, his cool breath fanning my face before he gently let go and leans back, maintaining his previous position. "There's something about you… that makes it impossible for me stay away."
Aw, crap. Don't frickin' say that…
But as though he heard my thoughts and decided to defy it, he returned his gaze back to me, eyes smoldering, the tips of his ears had that tinge of pink and the emotions playing in his handsome face were a mixture of confusion and embarrassment. "I can't stay away from you."
And stupid and careless as I am, I blurted out the response that I've been trying to avoid ever since. "Then don't."
If ever he was pleased or displeased, he was able to conceal it from me as slowly, a grin started forming on his desirable lips. "I really wish you hadn't said that."
And right then and there, I was able to realize that I just placed myself—and Usui Takumi—in great danger for blurting out those forbidden revelations.
-;-
-;-
TGP