This is a short chapter as I only have a few days left to write my thesis, I find relief in the writing, however, so thanks for reading.
Some/probably all might find this chapter cringy so this is your warning lol.
I also just wanted to take the time to say that some ppl might think the Kakashi I've written isn't what Kakashi is actually like and to that, I say fair play, probably not. But, I've read enough fanfics of a tormented Kakashi where he is constantly denying himself love and happiness because have you ever fallen in love? I don't know about anyone else but being 23 and falling in love is a recipe for zero willpower. Whilst he has loved his team and his father it wasn't romantic love, and I think he'd be different for that type? Maybe you don't agree and that's fair, at the end of the day it's just a fanfic, enjoy this version of Kakashi :)
Ame
Once they had gotten back to his apartment it was fair to say she might've attacked him and he might've let her. They christened his kitchen as well as his shower before she kicked him out to bathe properly.
She flushed thinking about it wondering how she'd quell the fire in her belly. She vaguely wondered where this insane sex drive came from but she knew the answer when she returned to the room to find Kakashi back asleep belly down. His hands were on the pillow on either side of his head with his elbows sticking out. His face was cocked to the side and the sheets exposed his impressive back all the way to his tail bone. Her eyes devoured him as he lay. Warmth shot south and the ache between her legs begged. Her limbs felt heavy and her mind slowed, but at that moment she didn't care about anything else.
She couldn't resist. She padded over quietly and perched herself on the back of his thighs. The feel of him between her legs never failed to send hot bolts of arousal through her. He grunted quietly at her sudden weight but remained still. She lent down letting her heavy chest graze along his exposed back. She ran her tongue up his spine as he did to her before. A muffled groan escaped him and she looked up to see his Sharingan open and looking at her hungrily. She felt lazy and feline.
He was a little drunk and she didn't mind one bit.
"Turn over," she whispered leaving hot wet kisses down his hardback. He obeyed and he turned underneath her. She let her eyes devour his torso as he watched her.
"You're so beautiful, Ame," he murmured. She faltered and looked up to him. She watched his Sharingan swirl. He wore an expression she couldn't quite place. The hunger and desperation inside of her morphed into something deeper. She edged closer to him and brought herself down his hardened member. They both groaned lightly at the sensation as she did. Fathomless pleasure spread through her, marring her. She couldn't help as her eyes closed momentarily. He sat up as she adjusted to the size of him. The hands she loved tenderly ran up from her hips to the side of her rib cage.
He watched her as she opened his eyes. He always could take her breath away. He looked at her like he's never seen the stars before, and she held the universe within. She brought her hands up to his face, not taking her eyes off him as she began to move. Everything felt different then. The way they watched each other, the tenderness of their touches, the gentleness of their kisses. Something other than pleasure coiled within her. She started off slowly but the speed built as their releases did. He began to swallow her whimpers as her body ignited with something deeper than desire. His lips left drunk kisses like tattoos on her skin.
Ame woke in Kakashi's bed, launching upright as her voice left her throat raw from screaming. A nightmare of when she first rescued Kakashi from the bunker flooded her mind only this time the dark figure she'd encountered with her mother rose behind him and drove a Katana through the back of his head. A malicious grin spreading unnaturally across its face as the sickeningly audible squelching and cracking filled her head. She watched his expression fall as the blade pierced through the front of his features and she couldn't stop it from happening.
Arms suddenly wrapped around her, restraining her. Her heart was fighting against her ribs as it drummed under her chest. Her muscled ceased up at the contact as the body slipped against her fevered skin. The screaming caught in her throat as she whipped her head to the person restraining her. She hadn't realised her byakugan had activated out of fear.
Images of Kakashi flooded her mind lasting only a second. Images of him walking in Jonin uniform, Naruto by his side and two others. Images of him standing by the memorial stone. Kakashi trapped beneath the rubble of a destroyed Konoha, using his Sharingan until life slipped from him. She felt his life slip from him. Images of Kakashi fighting surrounded by other shinobi. Shinobi from every village. Flashes of an Otsutsuki member facing the three grown shinobi with forms she had never witnessed. Kakashi standing before the village receiving the title of Hokage-
Kakashi shook her violently and tore her from the void she couldn't escape from. It had happened. The familiar cold emptiness of witnessing someones fate stirred within her. She'd been able to control her vision for so long. She hadn't noticed her muscles relax as she trembled in his arms. The ice of her blood seemed to pulse through her body slowly and heavily. She hadn't noticed the silent tears that soaked the blanket. She didn't hear Kakashi's voice.
Kakashi
Kakashi jerked awake and wrapped his arms around her to keep her from thrashing about as her bloodcurdling screams echoed through him.
"Ame," he called out to her but she didn't respond. She was cold and coated in sweat. He gripped his arms around her harder and she tensed, her screams halting. "It's ok, Ame, baby I'm here." She began trembling in his hold and he watched her horror-filled expression morph into rage as her head whipped to him. Her byakugan had activated.
His heart pounded relentlessly as he scanned her face. He gulped through his panting, his throat dry. He continued to scan her face with his Sharingan as her face fell back into a devastating horror. He didn't feel his own features mirror hers as time seemed to falter around them.
"Ame!" he shouted at her, shaking her. "Stop, Ame," he shook her harder and her Byakugan reseeded. She looked down to the bedding wide-eyed and pale as seemingly endless silent cries fell to his sheets. His own blood had run cold as his arms still encompassed her frame. He didn't accept the horror-stricken expression was due to the fate she saw of him. He daredn't think about it. He couldn't.
He didn't know how long they sat there. His mind had seemed to go blank as he pushed them all away. She had stopped trembling as the sun peeked through his window and he forced his arms to release her.
"Akari?" his voice sounded raw and weak. He watched as she dragged her eyes to him slowly, her head turning as she did. Her haunted gaze rested on his single open eye and his chest seemed to ache harshly. He scanned her face and couldn't find words. He brought a hand to her face and tucked a long lilac lock behind her ear. Red ringed around her beautiful silver eyes. She leant into his hand and he held her face delicately. He felt his gaze bore into hers, a thousand things spoken between them. He released her face and slipped out of the bed, her eyes never leaving him. He held out his arms wordlessly and she crawled to him, vulnerability rolled from her. Kakashi wondered why his heart seemed to break watching her.
He scooped her up in the bridal carry and silently made his way to his bathroom. She curled up against his chest, not looking away from his face. He nudged the door open with his foot not bothering with the lights. The sunrise filtered into the room, coating everything in orange rays. The cold of the tiles seeped into the soles of his feet as he padded to the bathtub. He climbed in and lowered them both to its floor. She lay between his legs and leant back into his chest. He turned the tap and hot water flowed onto them. He wrapped his arms around her, over her own arms and chest. She pushed back into him and her hands came up to grasp his forearms.
The soothing hot water rose and rose until the bath was full and he reached out to turn the tap off when a sob escaped Ame. He flinched but turned the tap off. He wrapped his arm back around her and kissed her exposed shoulder. His lips lingered as she quivered under him, holding back her tears. He nuzzled into the crook of her neck, the scent of her lilac hair comforting something deep in his soul.
"Ame," he breathed into her warmed skin.
"How did this happen?" her small voice surprised him but he didn't move. "How did we get like this?"
"I don't know," he exhaled, "it just all happened at once." He sighed nuzzling into her further. She squeezed his forearms and he lifted his head off her. She twisted around and looked up at him. Her silvery eyes shimmering under unshed tears.
"We shouldn't do this," her voice wobbled and he watched her lower lip quiver. "Not only are we shinobi, but we're Anbu, we don't get to have this,"
"I know, I want to say I tried, that I was able to push you away. Protect us both, but I don't think I could."
"Shinobi don't get happy endings," she whispered as tears began to drop into the still bathwater. "You're lucky if you have a happy beginning." He couldn't take his eyes off her as dread swam around his body. He refused to accept what he thought was coming. His heart palpitated in his chest in an uneven rhythm. Why does his heart feel in pain?
"If this is all we are," his own voice came out shaky as he stared into her watering eyes. "Then it was the happiest I've ever been," he watched as her face scrunched slightly as she started crying heavier.
"Kashi," she dropped her hands into her face and sobbed. He hugged her tightly. Hot water started falling from his Sharingan.
"I've never let anyone this close," he tried to speak evenly but his voice wobbled, "after my mother and father, and my team, and Minato-sensei, I didn't want it to happen again. I don't know how I'd survive again." She turned around and knelt between his legs facing him. Water sloshing around the tub as tears fell freely from her beautiful eyes.
Kakashi brought his hand up to her face, tucking hair behind her ear again. He cupped the back of her head with his fingers intertwined with the silk of her hair. He silently begged her not to say it.
"We should stop before it's too late," her jaw trembled as did her hands on her knees. He couldn't look away from her. He watched her face as if it was the last time he'd see it. His heart pulled painfully in his chest and his breathing grew uncomfortable.
"We should," he forced out and he watched the tenseness in her face drop. Her eyes widened a little. She absentmindedly brought her hands up to protect her heart. "I," he began, his hand slipping to her cheek. His thumb wiped away the hot tears rolling down. "I don't know whether I can, Ame." Her shoulders sagged and she slowly dragged her knees either side of his hips. Even in the thin tub she just managed to wrap her legs around the back of him and hugged him tightly around the neck. He hugged her back with the same ferocity clamping his eyes shut.
"I've avoided people for so long. I didn't want to be hurt by anyone again, I don't think I could handle it" her quiet words penetrated through his chest.
"And, now?" he pulled back and forced her to look at him. He couldn't help the hope that built inside of him.
"I don't think I had a choice" she uttered it between her full lips. He hated how relieved he felt hearing her say it. His whole body seemed to relax under her words. "Is it already too late?" her eyes were clearer but her cheeks remained wet.
"I don't know how you feel, but," he breathed in a shaky breath, "I'd rather risk it all for you than to live a half-life never experiencing life with you" he watched her face falter and his heart began to beat quicker. The silence that stretched between them seemed to be killing him slowly. She brought her hands to either side of his face and leant closer. Her full chest pressed into his and he couldn't help how his member throbbed beneath her.
"You shouldn't feel that way about me," she breathed, the sweetness of her breath wafted over his features and he found himself breathing it in. The scent of her was intoxicating. Her eyelids dropped halfway and she looked at him under her lashes. "I think you've ruined me, Kakashi," the way she said his name before pressing her full lips to him made his heart falter in his chest. He brought his hands to her waist, wrapping them around her narrow back. The way she kissed him said a thousand and one things. She rested her forehead on his as she broke it, keeping her eyes closed.
"I don't think I have a choice, either," he uttered to her, his eyes closed, his forehead on hers. "But, if I did, I'd only do this sooner." He murmured as his lips met her mouth. Her lips trembled against his as he rose out of the cooled waters and lifted her to his bed. Their tongues intertwined as soft lips caressed each other.
He made love to her speaking a thousand truths without words. He showed her how deeply he felt for her. Worshipped her. Every inch, inside and out. He surrendered himself to her wholly, his entire heart, his entire self. She had told him that he'd ruined her, only she didn't know she'd broken him first. He knew now she'd ruined him for anyone else, and he found he was the happiest he'd ever been with the idea. He would accept their ill fate and he'd worship the scars it left. Because at least then he would know that until her, he realised, he'd never really lived at all. She'd given him something that no one else could have, and no one else ever would. He'd let them lay him down on a bed of roses and dream of her for an eternity, leaving with peace having known her. But, ultimately, he found himself pleading, wanting so badly to have time with her.
He had the imperative need to tell the world of his heart. She had coloured his soul with an inconceivable hue. Her touches burned him deeper than skin. Her lips immortalised him. There are things he needed to say to her, but he just let her be. Because in that moment he knew. She consumed him and left nothing, not even his soul. His sanity had been taken and only she remained. As he looked at her he felt closer to the supernova, and slowly he knew his own heart. She had it. All of it. He was hers, irrevocable hers. He couldn't tell her softly. Because he realised, he was utterly, madly, incomprehensibly in love with Akari.