This is a long one y'all :)
The stars mean time jump :)
I had just woken up from a nap since I didn't get any sleep last night, I were dirty from the morning hunt and decided to go clean myself up in the lake before going to Octavia. When I came to Octavia's tent I saw it, my girlfriend kissing another girl. How could she? And with Raven Reyes! I felt angry, sad, disappointed, fooled, weak and not enough. I've known Octavia since we were seven, I was the only one aware of her existence on the ark except for Bellamy and Aurora. Walking in on them brought me back to when I first meet O by doing the same thing.
*
I was wandering around the ark one day looking for someone to play with when I walked passed Bellamys room. I stepped back and leaned on the door, I heard him and another girl laughing I thought maybe it was Clarke and wanted to join in, I didn't bother to knock and just stepped inside. To my surprise I saw a girl in my age riding on Bellamy's back, she had long brown hair, brown eyes and soft pink lips, she looked terrified when she saw me, Bellamy did too.
"(y/n) what are you doing here?!" Bellamy had asked terrified. I were about to walk out not wanting to disturb but he told me to stay. "(y/n) I'm going to tell you something very very important and you have to promise not to tell anyone" He said strongly looking deeply into my eyes.
"I won't tell anyone" I had said putting my hand up in the air and my other on my chest as a value.
"This is Octavia" Bellamy said looking at his sister. "You know how you're only allowed to have one child due to population?" He then asked I nodded.
"O here is my sister and no one knows about her, it needs to be that way or else our mother will be floated and O will be locked up" His voice was ferm meaning this was important I thought. "Do you promise not to tell anyone?" He finally asked both him and Octavia holding their breaths.
"I promise I won't tell anyone about her until I die" I said once again with my hand on my chest and the other in the air. O smiled at me with her beautiful eyes and Bellamy could finally relax. He was still so young but when it came to his sister he'd do anything.
"Bell, can't she stay a while" The brown haired girl asked her older brother.
"Okey but don't be to loud" He smiled at you both happy that his sister finally had a friend.
*
I storm out of the tent loudly making Octavia flinch. She see my back as I leave and follow before thinking about anything else. She grab my arm making me turn around to face her, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"How could you?" My voice breaks in silence and my eyes gets more tearful. Octava looks at me terrified over what she's done.
"(y/n) I'm sorry I didn't... I hate myself, I love you I can't... I can't lose you! I love you (y/n)" She stumbles trying to find the right word but there are none. Now she's crying too which I thought was unfair since she was the one who cheated, it's her fault.
"Why wasn't I enough?" My voice crack as I ask that horrible question.
"You are! Don't say that!" She raise her voice but I didn't know why.
"Do you love her?" I then ask tears streaming down my cheeks.
"No, she means nothing to me! It's just sex" Octavia explain as Raven show up.
"Guys I need to say something" She say getting deadly looks from us both.
"Not now Raven!" Octavia yell in the heat of the moment. Making Raven yell even louder.
"Yes now! You two love each other! Don't let me be the reason you separate..." She start before I cut her off.
"Are you kidding me? Raven I don't care what you think, I hate you!" I scream making the nearest people turn their heads.
"Do you wanna know how I feel?" Raven ask with tearful eyes. "Do you think I like being the side hoe? Do you think I like hearing your god damn name every time we hook up? Do you think I enjoy all the time she spends talking about you? Cause I'm telling you I don't!" She scream so loud the whole fucking world could hear her. Both me and Octavia stood there shocked watching Raven walk to the engineering station.
"You talk about me?" I ask Octavia when I no longer could see the mechanic.
"Of course! Ai hod yu in (y/n/n)" She answer and laid her hand on my left cheek, the cheek she always kissed good night.
"I can't do this" I whisper and run of out to the woods to clear my mind.
*
I shared my rations with Octavia who was starving, even if Bellamy, Aurora and I gave her of our rations she didn't get much. I'd consider talking to Clarke about it cause she would be the one who'd understand, but then I remembered what Bellamy said six years ago.
"Hey" O said and pushed my arm making me come back to reality. "You ok?" She then preceded to ask.
"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just thinking about when we first meet" I smiled at her and she smiled back with those ocean eyes.
"Oh gosh I can't believe we're almost 14 now, that's sick!" She laughed and I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach. Before I could respond however Aurora walked into the room.
"(y/l/n) you need to leave now" Mis. Blake said stressed and I had learned understanding what that meant and so had O.
"Bye" I whispered before I walked back out into the could air of the space ship, it wasn't really cold but without Octavia I didn't felt whole.
"I don't want to mom" I herd Octavia complained as she got under the floor.
"I know honey, but you have to" Aurora said and closed the hidden door leaving her daughter in the cold darkness.
~~~
I run faster then I've ever run before to the small lake I used to swim in after Bellamy killed that wormfish thing. I kick a rock into the lake before I see Clarke sitting by the beach.
"Oh sorry" I excuse myself and turn around to go elsewhere, just wanting to be alone for a moment.
"It's okey, I was about to leave" She smile. I didn't look at her but I could feel it. I turn around and walk up onto the big cliff where Clarke now was standing. "Are you crying?" She ask when I got closer.
"No" I mumble and wiped away the tears from my red face.
"(y/n/n)" Clarke took the hand I wiped my face with and look closely into my soul, well my eyes at least but it feels like more then that.
"O and Raven..." I start but before getting a chance to explain I burst out in tears. I fall into Clarke's arms, she hold me tight letting me cry on her chest for as long as I wanted.
"I'm going to kill her" Her body tightened and I let go of her body watching confused how her eyes turned angry. "She doesn't deserve you nor your heart" She continue when she sees my broken face. She pull me into a big hug, We stood there for a good minute before Octavia walked up on us. Clarke was the first to see her due to her facing the camp and not the water.
"Go away!" She say with a terrifying voice which seem to scare both Octavia and herself.
"I just want to talk to her" Octavia answer and put her hands up to show Clarke that she wasn't armed. "Clarke this is not your call to make" She then continue when Clarke held me tighter.
"It's okey" I sob. "It's okey"
She let go of me still holding my hand as Octavia walk closer. When they pass each other Clarke gave the dark head a deadly look before smiling at me, a good luck smile. I walk to the end of the cliff and sat down just as I did the first time I kissed her here on the ground. It was dark outside and I had just arrived on the ground with the others when I finally got to see her again. She was so excited and even more beautiful then I remembered, we spent over a year apart and I was positive she didn't make it on the ground when her wristband disconnected. She took me here, told me about how she almost died by a large snake-fish. Then I said it, it had just slipped out. 'I love you' I had said when those brown eyes looked at me in the moonlight. It wasn't the first time I've said this words but after being apart for so long it felt like a second first time. Octavia smiled and lent forward to kiss me, both of us almost fell into the lake as our make out got more hot and passionate. This wasn't that time, not even close.
*
"You sure about this Bell?" I asked when he told me about how he was going to bring Octavia to the dance.
"She deserves this" He shrugged. "And this is the perfect opportunity" He added and laid an hand on my shoulder.
"Dose Aurora know?" I asked and looked at the door to their cabin where Aurora was sleeping.
"No, and it will stay that way" Bell said and walked inside, leaving me alone outside the Blake cabin.
Next morning I woke up all nervous and excited, not just because of the dance but because my friend finally got a chance at a life. I ran to Octavia straight after breakfast but know one was in there, I looked under the floor but Octavia wasn't there either so I decided to wait in the room and hoping she would come back. Shortly after she and Bellamy did, when they saw me the got scared for a second, thinking it was someone else.
"What the?!" I yelled trying to stop myself from sobbing. It was a short moment but my mind spend every second of it thinking that I would never see her again, that they found her, killed her.
"(y/n) what's wrong?" Octavia kneeled in front of me putting her head in my lap.
"What's wrong?! I thought they took you!" I couldn't hold it any longer and the tears started flowing. Octavia nodded at Bellamy to leave us alone. When he left she stood up and sat down in the bed next to me.
"I didn't mean to scare you, I was just talking to Bell in the cleaning closet. Were you really that worried?" She asked laying a hand on my lap and the other on my back.
"I love you O, of course I was scared" I answered and wiped away a tear before putting the hand on her leg.
"I love you too (y/l/n)" She said and looked deep into my eyes. I licked my lips and lent forward. She placed her hand on my cheek and did the same. Our lips touched and our breaths got heavier. Octavia's hand slowly walked down my neck and into my shirt. I pulled away for a second making her take her hand away.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked as I wanted to make sure she wasn't doing it for me.
"It's all I've ever wanted" She answered and started to kiss me more passionately taking her shirt off. I lent over her making her lay down in the bed before I started kissing her down the neck. She grabbed my boobs and started playing with them while I kissed hers. She moaned making me go up again to kiss her soft lips. She was just about to take of my shirt when Bellamy knocked and came inside. Unfortunately he got a glimpse of his sisters love making.
"OH WHAT THA FUCK! UHH I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT!" He screamed and closed the door. Both of us started laughing while I got out of the bed, O took her shirt on again and opened the door.
"Hi Bell what's up?" She laughed to annoy him even more.
"I'll never be apple to look at you the same way as before" He said with disgust looking at us both. "I'm happy for you"
"Thanks big brother" Octavia said and went up and hugged him.
"Now we need to get you ready for the dance" He smiled. I've never seen O so excited before, sometimes she could act all puppy like but that's why I loved her.
"What do you mean dance?" She asked confused, she looked at me when Bell didn't answer.
"Well since it's a masked ball Bellamy thought you should go since know one can see it's you" I explained and I could see her smile getting bigger and bigger every second.
"Really?"
"I'll do it for my little sister" He said with tears of pride in his eyes. Octavia ran up and hugged him again. He looked at me and reached one of his arms out for me to join. As all three of you stood there hugging I felt truly loved for the first time in my life.
~~~
"I'm an idiot" Octavia say resigned.
"I knew that already" I couldn't help but smile at the thought of us together but soon that smile faded into anger.
"There's probably nothing I can do to fix this, right?" She look at me devastated for what's to come.
"No" I simply let out.
"Okey..." She sigh and stood up. "I'll always love you (y/n), no matter what" She turn to walk away but she couldn't bare to go without me. "(y/l/n) please say something! I'm trying!" Octavia say and turn around with a face full of tears. I turn around to see the upset brunette. I stood up beside her.
"Nou hard pleni" I whisper and walk pass her to the camp. I could hear her sobbing with her face in her hands. It had always felt like someone twisted a knife in my heart when she was feeling blue, but it was what I had to do, leave her there feeling as heartbroken I did when I saw her together with Raven.
*
"You ready?" I asked my beautiful girlfriend. She kissed me softly and we walked out of the cabin together.
"Wow, this.. this is awesome" The brunette said and looked around her as if she'd never seen the light of day.
"Let me show you something" I said and grabbed her hand rushing to one of the big windows. O looked at the stars but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "You're gorgeous" I said and moved a pice of hair away from her eyes.
"You're extraordinary" She laughed and kissed me passionately. "Let's get going" The now 16 year old girl said and took my hand.
Everyone was dancing or talking so no one noticed when we snuck in. Octavia looked around on all the happy faces and started vibe with the music.
"Come and dance with me (y/n/n)" She called out walking towards the actual dance floor. I did what my girlfriend ordered. She grabbed my cold hand and twirled me around, I dragged her closer and kissed her soft light red lips carefully. Before I knew it Bellamy took both of our arms and dragged us towards the exit.
"What are you doing you idiot?!" His sister screamed and flinched from his grip.
"They are doing checkups O! We need to get you out of here!" He screamed worried and grabbed her arm again and this time she didn't complain.
"Hey you three over there!" A guard called stopped us right at the exit. "Cards please" He said and reached out his hand. I gave him mine looking terrified at Bellamy.
"Hey I already checked them, there good" Bellamy said stepping him aside. He looked at Bellamy then Octavia.
"Cards" He demanded again.
"Please just let this go just this one time" Bellamy begged but the guard called backup. 'This is it' I thought seeing how half of the gourds in the room walking towards us. Octavia looked at me, pulled me into a long passionate kiss before getting dragged separate ways by two guards each while Bellamy got hold back by three others. "At least just let me say goodbye" He begged them and the dragged Octavia back who hugged her brother for the last time before going back out of the ball room to where I was standing, the gourds holding me until she was beyond saving.
"I love you Octavia!" I screamed when I started losing sight of her. All I heard back was I love y... before she was too far gone. The guards let me out as well as Bellamy of their grip. I ran into his both of us sobbing, knowing we lost her forever.
*
"How did it go?" Raven ask walking up to me as I got out of the forest. I just ignore her and keep walking I take it she'll get the hint and she did, leaving me alone. I sit down against the back of Arkadia when I see Bellamy walking to me, sitting down across from me in the taller section of the grass.
"I heard what happened, sorry" He say and kick my foot with his. "I can't believe she would do that, she loves you more than anything"
"If Octavia sent you hear to tell me..."
"No she didn't I'm just shocked..." Bellamy say looking around almost like he doesn't want anyone to hear our conversation, I on the other hand I couldn't care less. "I shouldn't say this but she even talked about proposing to you once we got our people back"
The black haired hottie say and I almost faint of shock. Proposing? To me? Well she screw that up. I started boiling thinking about everything she ruined. At the same time I melted for the thought of her proposing to me right outside mount weather while all our people watched including the grounders. I was torn, but I knew I wasn't going to forgive her for it, but maybe I should give us a chance to work on it before I shut her out completely. I still love her and a part of me always will love the girl under the floor.
*
"Let me come to!" I argued with Bellamy about going with the 100 to the ground, Octavia would be a part of it and I hadn't seen her since the masked ball.
"I'm sorry but I can only get myself on that ship, I wish you could too but..." Bellamy explained tearing up.
"I get it Bell, just make sure she's okey"
"I will, I'll tell her you haven't stopped thinking about her for a second nor stopped fighting for her to be released" He said, a single tear falling down hitting the pavement.
"As long as you tell her you did the same" I respond hugging him before exiting the room so he could make sure he would get on the ship. I walked to the drop ship seeing how a bunch of teenagers stood in line to get into the ship. I saw Clarke lying on a bore, I tried to take her hand but the guards pushed me away, if it weren't for Murphy they would have dragged me away from the scene, probably locked me up for knowing about it. Murphy hit on of the guards in the head and kicked the other in his crotch. Everyone started making noise, ether cheering him on our letting out a terrifying gasp. The two guards who spotted me rushed over to hold Murphy down and help their friends up. So I snuck away thinking I would miss Octavia when I heard a gunshot...