Letter 1

Ame,

You wrote me a letter not so long ago. Or at least it feels like it all happened not so long ago. Anyway, I thought I'd write you my own letter, I don't really know why.

I was officially made a genin team leader recently. I know you'd laugh at that, I called it a glorified baby sitter once. I wonder how they'll turn out? Who will they grow to be be? Probably not much with me teaching them. I've failed many teams already but the one today passed Minato's bell test. My first impressions were that I hated them. I remember I had said that to you once, maybe my intuition is bad?

As fate would have it, it was my leaders son, Naruto. I know you knew him, I wonder if he remembers you? I can't bring myself to ask.

I find myself wondering what you would be doing if you were here. Would we have been married by now? Would we have a family? Would they look like you? I find myself daydreaming about what life would've been like being married. It hurts knowing life couldn't have gotten better than that. Sometimes I catch myself and I'd have to remind myself of the reality. But most of the time I'm not strong enough to deny myself of the fantasy. I guess that's all we were.

I miss you though, Akari, so much that sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. It's getting more difficult to remember what your laugh sounded like, although I know it was my favourite sound.

I know you didn't mean to, but you broke my heart.

-Kakashi

Letter 5

Akari,

Lord Hiruzen sacrificed himself for Konoha yesterday. Is that the inevitability of being Hokage? I can't help but think of Minato's sacrifice. I know Lord 3rd never saw you for who you were. Did anyone really know you? I can't help but wonder whether I truly knew you. There's so much I don't know about you. What even is your last name? You called the Otsutsuki woman, mother? Who were you? But, my heart still has a hole in the shape of you. It aches for you always.

I don't know if time is really a healer, but I know my memories of you will fade and I fear it. Without my Sharingan I'd be afraid that I'd forget your face entirely one day. I don't even have a photo to remember you by.

Will I always miss you?

-K

Letter 7

Sasuke defected the village. Am I bound by fate to fail? Times like these I miss you the most.

-K

Letter 20

Ame,

I thought I should write about Asuma. He died in combat not long ago. I find myself wondering if he's with you up there. The loss of another comrade rests heavily in my chest. I wonder what kind of Aunt you'd be to his and Kurenai's child? She told me you were the first person she told about Asuma. I have a feeling you two would be good friends.

-K

I love you

Letter 35

Aki,

I dreamt about you yesterday. For the first time in a while I could see and hear you clearly. Id almost forgotten the sound of your voice until then. It was so real I woke up thinking I was 23 again and I'd see you.

Gai thinks its time for me to move on, but I'm stuck Ame. I can't let you go. It's been years but I don't think I'm ready. I wake thinking you might be tucked into my chest, looking up to me with that lazy morning smile you used to give to me.

-K

Letter 38

Akari,

Naruto left Konoha with Jiraya today. I'm being put back on mission rotation. My students are moving on and I'm going to try do the same. I don't know how it'll go. The thoughts of you cling to me and I don't relish in the thought of freeing myself of them. I realise now that I will really always love you. Not past tense. Present tense and future. I know now I can't reject the feeling but it makes me feel alone. I know I'm missing the part of me which is you and with team 7 being temporarily disbanded I'm not sure what to do with myself. I know I'll throw myself into work like I usually do, but I can't help wondering what it would be like to come home to you.

-K

Pein Attack

Kakashi lay with the rubble around him. He did his job and saved the Leaf and Choji. Asuma could rest easier now.

He tilted his head back, the life force Aki gave him all those years ago slip from his weakened body. His chakra depleted limbs grew numb as he stared at the sky.

Akari, Are you up there with Obito and Rin, Asuma, Minato, my father, and Hayate? I hoped to see you one last time, but, I don't think I can follow where you are.

The darkness swirled around him, eventually engulfing him. He felt his soul slip from his physical being and landed in a dark plain. Only a fire flickered in front of him and a shadowed figure facing it.

Father?

"Now that we're both here, will you tell me your tale?"

Letter 39

Ame,

Konoha was destroyed recently. It's complicated but I died. I saw him, my father, I got to tell him all the things I wanted to. He managed to find peace and move on before Nagato brought everyone he'd killed back to life.

I can't help but think how differently things would've been if you were here. I know how capable you were, how smart and brave you were. I know you would've helped. Would you have been able to save the village, save Sasuke with the life you gave me?

I miss you, everyday.

-K

Letter 40

Akari,

Tension has risen and war is coming to us all. I was appointed commander of the third division. Because of this, I felt I had to do something first. This letter will go a little differently, Ame. With the heart in my chest weighing heavily, this is my last letter to you, my dearest Akari. I re-read your letter for the first time in a while and I think it is time to listen to you but first I need to tell you…

The first time I saw you in the bunker I thought I was dead. I let my failures get to me and gave up. I wallowed in it until you. You came to me through the sunlight like an angel from the heavens and saved me. Did I ever thank you for that? Thank you, a thousand times over, thank you Aki. I don't remember with much clarity but I do remember how you made me feel after that. I remember how hard I fell for you, I remember the warmth of your soul. Sometimes as I dream I get glimpses of the past and I treasure them. I try not to watch you through the memories of my Sharingan anymore, it has started to feel like a life time ago, yet, also it feels like only yesterday. Either way, you continue to torture me Aki.

I don't regret ever pursuing us, I only regret the memories we didn't make. Fate can be cruel, we both know that. I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly let you go, but if I don't start trying, the life you gave to me will begin to wither. I will cherish the life you have given, I only wish we could have spent it together, Akari.

You'll always be a part of me. But, this is goodbye.

Yours, always,

Kakashi.

Letter 41

Akari.

A few years ago I wrote you a letter. It claimed to be the last. But, as I was standing in front of the people of Konoha as the title of Hokage was passed to me, I found myself scanning the crowd for you. It was an odd type of hope that I couldn't place. It defied all logic. It made me remember our final conversation. The last one. You told me to live fully, save the world, even become the Hokage. It seems you were right, I fulfilled my fate, mostly. I wonder if that's what you saw when you peered into my future that one time. What was it that upset you so that night? Did you see my death with Pein? Did you see me becoming Hokage? It's not that I have avoided love since you, it is simply something I have no interest in. I wonder if our love ruined me. I don't think I'll be able to complete my fate, and I don't think I can grant the favour you asked of me. I know it's only you I could ever really love this deeply.

I told you I'd love you forever, that I couldn't fall in love with out you. Whether I want that or not, it seems to have been true. I feel like if you could you would kick my ass for it. I can imagine your face scrunching up as you glared at me with your beautiful silver eyes. Kami, sometimes the ache in my chest is the only reminder that any of it was real. What would you think of the man I am now? Would you have still loved me as I am? I cherish the life you gave me, but as always Ame, it would've been better with you in it. In some ways I feel like I've lived a half-life since you left.

I don't remember what your voice sounds like, I haven't for a few years. The worst part is my memory of you is fading. I only have clear memories of you from the Sharingan now. But, a few years go I promised myself I wouldn't access them. It was to painful and was only damaging me. The rest of my memories are just a blur.

Unlike my younger years, I find you don't haunt me now. I can sleep without dreaming of you. I can have weeks where you don't live in my head. But, there are reminders of you in places. I've tried to live my life around them. Whilst the ache in my chest is still there, I can look back on us and be truly happy I ever met you. I cherish the small amount of time we did have together.

I try not to let my mind wonder about the future we could've had now. But, I find sometimes it happens without my permission. Would we have been a family? For the first time in years I walked past Taiyo's shop and stopped to say hello. He had rebuilt it after Konoha was destroyed and it's huge now. He remembered me. He said he's just celebrated his 70th birthday, can you believe that? I know he misses you too, still. We both do, we both always will.

Whilst time hasn't healed me, it seems somethings helped. The void you left behind in me was filled a little with friends and dare I say, family. Naruto has grown up well, I wish you could've seen how much he grew. He has a girlfriend now. The Hyuga princess no less. I know you would've loved to see it. Whilst Sasuke is away, I know Sakura is missing him. Her tenacity in romance is relatable it seems. I wanted their love to work out. In a way I think I channelled my hope with you through them. I hope my words of wisdom in the war reached Sasuke.

I can feel it in myself that my soul still waits for you. I think it's time to quell the small flame of hope I have in me. My worst fear was that you would've been reanimated in the War. When I first saw them coming I prayed to kami that you weren't one of them. I began to thank the heavens that you disappeared into the void after giving me your life so your body could never be found for such horrors. Seeing Uzuki having to fight Hayate was a painful reminder. I don't know whether I would've had it in me to see you die again. I don't think I could've been the one to end you again. Yet, some part of me craved the sight of you. Even under the circumstances, is this my heart? I never did have a choice about my feelings for you. But, I think even if I did, nothing would've changed. I will love you from now until forever. Maybe longer.

I think this time, it really is good-bye Ame. Maybe death will reunite us, but until then, I'm going to try follow your words and really live. Well, as much of a life that the Hokage can have. I still don't know how Lady Tsunade roped me into it.

Well, this is it, Akari.

Yours, always,

Kakashi.

3 years after Kakashi's final letter...

Ame fell out of the shadowed portal onto her hands and knees. Nausea shook her body and retched, releasing stomach bile onto the floor.

She cough and spluttered as the unrelenting convulsing of her stomach poured its contents onto the dirt.

She managed to pull her head up as the world before her blurred and swayed. She could make out unfamiliar buildings under the darkness of the night as she willed her head to stop spinning.

She dragged her feet underneath her and shakily got to her feet. She began swaying and stumbling on the spot fighting the unconsciousness. Her limbs tingled in numbness as she willed herself to steady. It seemed to be a battle she was losing.

Shadowed and blurred figures descended around her, surrounding her. Her body began to feel numb and the darkness of the night crept around her vision.

"You need to come with us." A voice sounded far away.

"Where?" she breathed through the fog of her brain. Her lungs weak, he voice raspy.

"The Hokage."

The world darkened again.