AN: This story has really taken off on me so I am now going to be updating every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday since I am fully in edit mode now. I so appreciate all of the reviews, follows, favorites and private messages. It makes me feel great knowing that I'm writing something that's enjoyable.
I'm sitting across from Johanna's large desk, nervously picking at my fingernail beds while she reads over my case notes. She had called me into her office as soon as I made it into the lobby, and her excitement over my progress on a difficult case like this would usually make me happy, just not today. The thought of having to sit down with Eric again has been weighing heavily on my mind, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not the appropriate professional to conduct these sessions.
"He talked to you, for almost an hour, which is just amazing progress!" Johanna remarks without looking up from the notes I emailed to her. "He stayed for the entire session. This is perfect. Tris, he never talks to anyone from our team, can you not see how huge this is? Today, I was able to get him booked with you for an entire three hour block. You have now established a rapport with him, this is outstanding!"
"It's less him talking and more him picking me apart. I'm not sure that is any type of progress." I argue.
"I'm reading your notes, he spoke about the day he broke you away from Erudite…" Johanna begins, but I interrupt her.
"Johanna, this is too much for me, it's too personal. I don't think I can work with him without bias. You know that I want him out of there, and you know exactly why I do."
She finally looks up at me and her face softens, "Oh Tris, you're not sleeping." I shake my head at her, "If wanting Eric out of prison is a bias, then no one from this team can meet with him, because everyone wants him out. He shouldn't have ever been there to start with. I know how difficult this is for you, and I know you've spent many years thinking about seeing him under completely different circumstances. I also know that he's denied you the one conversation you wanted to have with him, the one that you needed to have with him. Miles needs to know his father, sweetheart, and Eric needs to know he has a son. This is their chance." She says quietly.
The tears burn at my eyes before they drop down my cheeks. Miles Andrew Coulter, my beautiful, curly haired, curious, amazingly perfect, grey eyed nine year old son, the spitting image of the father he's never met has been my reason for getting up every morning. He was conceived that day back in Erudite, and his presence has pushed me to be a better woman and mother every day since his birth.
And Eric has no idea that he even exists.
Tobias and I married in Amity, the day after Eric had rescued me from Erudite. I had believed that Eric was dead, and I thought I could take the secret of the circumstances surrounding my escape to my grave with me. I later learned that he was alive, scheduled to testify under truth serum in Candor on the same day as me, but for some reason he fought the serum and kept our secrets. He made sure that my new husband would never know that I allowed another man to take my virginity from me, willingly, while escaping from the hell I had been put through.
I wanted desperately to talk to Eric that day in Candor, but we were kept separated due to our pending testimony, so I waited for him to be done so we could be alone.
He never walked out. Eric's unwillingness to answer questions was viewed as tampering with an active investigation, and he was found guilty of war crimes he'd never even committed.
I left Candor that day in the same daze I had been in since arriving in Amity.
Tobias, being a virgin himself, along with being a former Abnegation, didn't pressure me to consummate our new marriage once he saw the constant state of apprehension I seemed to be in. While he was hyper aware that I was experiencing at least some sort of PTSD, he was also not interested in having me talk to anyone. Because of his own secrets, he was paranoid of me speaking to anyone but him, and I continued to suffer in silence. I had no one but him, my entire family was dead, and my best friend Christina hated me for killing her boyfriend Will during the war. Most of my other friends from initiation viewed me just like Christina did - a cold hearted killer. I was alone.
When I began experiencing what I later learned was morning sickness at around the six week mark of our marriage, he became concerned for my health. He accompanied me to a visit to the clinic, and it was there I learned I was pregnant. There was no way the baby was his, because we hadn't yet had sex. I could have lied to him, but instead I confessed to what had happened with Eric, and my husband immediately left me.
Even though I didn't realize it right then, I could finally breathe a little. I felt awful for having hurt Tobias, but I also felt free.
I had no one, except for Johanna, who picked up my panicked phone call when I had nowhere else to turn, and she helped me every step of the way throughout my pregnancy, along with her husband Pedro. They were the parental figures I had ached for, and they were there when my sweet little Miles was born.
I tried, many times, to visit Eric to let him know that I was carrying his baby. I had no idea if he would even want to know his child, but I wanted to do everything I could. He refused every visit. I didn't want to get a message to Eric through other means, because I had been warned that hearing something this profound could send him spiraling even further than I knew he already had if not handled with proper aftercare. I needed to talk to Eric, and he continued to deny me. I'd heard that he was constantly fighting while in prison, with no regard for life, including his own, and when he was sent away from Chicago I stopped trying to reach out. His message was loud and clear - he wanted nothing to do with me.
I've raised Miles on my own, with Johanna and Pedro being his 'Nana' and 'Grampy' along the way. I've had one serious relationship that brought much needed stability into both mine and Miles' lives, but that eventually came to a peaceful end almost two years ago, and the friends I had made in Dauntless before the war were either dead, or firmly on Tobias' side of our divorce once they learned that my pregnancy was from a willing encounter with Eric while in Erudite.
Johanna is right, my son deserves to know his father, and in more ways than just stories we share with him. Eric also deserves to know about the incredible little boy that he helped create.
"I don't know how to tell him about Miles." I reply softly.
"You will know when the time is right, Tris. I specifically gave this case to you because I believe that Eric is already on his own road to redemption based on his behavior the past four years. He's started to cooperate with his court mandated programs within the prison, he's had no behavior infractions in over four years, he even joined the inmate mentoring program on his own as well. His time in El Paso before being brought back to Chicago seems to have changed him. The parole board has taken notice of his changes, and from what I hear they are impressed. They just need a full psychological evaluation, which is something Eric has completely fought against, until you."
"They had no issues with conflict of interest regarding Miles?" I ask.
"None, everyone who's part of Eric's case believe that Miles will be the tipping point to make Eric finally want to leave prison. Every professional I've spoken to also agrees that news should come from you," She replies. "Tris, there's not one person in this city who believes Eric should be in prison, except Eric himself."
"Why does he stay?" I ask.
"That's for you to find out," She replies and I finally nod, "I'm also only a phone call away if things don't go well today."
This time, I pick up sandwiches, fizzy drinks and other snacks. Since our meeting will cover lunch today, I want to make sure that I'm prepared. When they bring Eric in, I can tell he is surprised to see me, but he behaves as they unshackle him and push him into his seat.
"I thought you weren't coming back," He says with a bit of a smirk.
"You said you would only work with me and I believed you. Were you lying?" I counter.
"I don't lie, Tris. I only choose not to answer questions. I thought you already knew that," He says evenly.
He stares at me with those cold grey eyes, daring me to look away first. When I refuse, his face breaks out in the slightest of smiles before he speaks again.
"Besides, you bring the best food," He makes a show of sniffing the air. I push Eric's bag over to him, and give him the elastic off of my wrist again. He pulls his long mess of wavy curls up in a bun.
"Italian beef sandwich, chips and fizzy drink," I explain. He opens the bag and takes a deep whiff.
"Thank you," He says as he greedily rips into the food. I smile, thinking of how Miles devours his food in much the same way, "You get all this from Candor?"
"Yeah, well what use to be Candor. The food around there is surprisingly good," I reply.
"Why'd you end up there?" He asks.
"Close to work, I walk twenty minutes to and from," I reply.
It's also close to Johanna and Pedro's house, and surprisingly has the the best school system since the factions were dissolved, but I'm not ready to talk about those things.
"You live alone?" He hedges.
"Are you asking if I have a significant other?" I counter.
"Do you?" He asks and I shake my head no. I don't miss the look on his face when I answer, but he continues to eat.
I pick nervously at my own food, and debate internally on what to say to Eric next. I feel like we have some progress we need to make before I tell him about Miles.
"Do you actually want to work with me, or is this about a decent meal every day?" I ask carefully.
"A little of both, I guess," He shrugs, "You never did tell me why you really took this case anyway," He reminds me, "The whole I can be rehabilitated spiel is the same shit that guy you all sent several years back tried. He was an idiot by the way," He scoffs.
"He was Johanna's first rehabilitation case. He spent seven years in prison for a crime he didn't commit. He was released, went on to become a board certified psychologist, married, had children and lives a very happy life outside of prison. We felt that he would have been able to reason with you, especially since at that point you had spent four and a half years here for crimes you didn't commit," I reply.
"She got him out?" He asks.
I nod, "She did. Like I said, he was innocent of his crimes. You would have known this had you given him a chance," I gently remind him.
"I was a different person back then," Eric shrugs before taking another bite of his sandwich.
"How so?" I ask.
"I wasn't interested in talking about my feelings and shit," He shrugs.
"What changed?" I press.
"They sent you." His grey eyes bore into my own again.
His answer surprises me, but I need to try to get more from him, "Why do you want to stay in prison, Eric?" I ask.
"Why do you want to get me out?" He counters. Eric is a chess game that I'm not yet skilled enough to win, but I can't let him see how much he frustrates me.
"I understand that you are a volunteer for the inmate mentor program here, can you tell me more about that?" I ask, changing the subject.
"It gets me out of my cell for four hours a day."
"Is that all?" I press.
"I like working with the younger ones who end up here. I try to help them adjust, and keep them out of trouble," He replies.
"Did someone work with you like that before?" I ask.
"Yeah, in El Paso, the last place I was before they brought me back here," He replies.
I look down at my file, "You were there for three years?" I ask.
"The first few months I was here. I got in trouble for fighting, was sent to Indianapolis for two and a half, Buffalo for one, Montgomery for one, El Paso for three and now back here, home sweet home," He replies, "So how did you end up working for Johanna Reyes?" He asks suddenly.
I realize that my progress with Eric will depend on how willing I am to be open and transparent with him as well, "Johanna and I became rather close after I made it to Amity. We've remained in each others lives ever since then. She helped me find my way when I was lost," I reply vaguely.
Eric's eyebrows shoot up and he takes a long sip of his fizzy drink, "How the hell were you lost? You were the hero of the city. Everyone knew it was you that stopped the simulation by stabbing Jeanine in the hand and putting her own serum in her fucking neck. Nice job with that by the way, you were always wicked good with knives, even if your smart mouth kept you in trouble sometimes." He takes another bite of his sandwich.
"You think it was all sunshine and roses when I got home?" I counter.
"I can imagine it was pretty nice. People loved you already, and when you testified about shutting that fucking sim down people actually cheered, I could hear it in the holding area. What could have been so bad?" He asks.
"I don't know Eric, maybe watching my mother die by gunfire at the hands of one of my closest friends when we were in the streets of Abnegation. Or maybe me having to turn my own gun on him to save myself. Or maybe it was my father, my loving selfless father who never hurt anyone in his entire life walking into a hail of gunfire to distract the guards so I could make it into her room to start with," I reply with tears in my eyes.
Eric sits, he's no longer eating, and the smirk he usually wears is nowhere to be found, "I had no idea," He says quietly.
"You would have, had you not refused my visits. I thought, at minimum, we could be friends. You and I had more in common than you thought, and maybe we could have been there for each other once the dust settled," The tears begin to fall and I scrub them away with my hands.
"You had Four, Tris," The way he spits his name is unsettling, "Your fucking fake ass former husband, the biggest fraud of us all…"
"You don't know him…"
"Oh, but I do. Did you forget that we had a whole two years to get to know each other before you dropped into that net? Do you think he was any less of a control freak back then? He tried to have me removed from leadership countless times because of things he saw while monitoring, but with the amount of shit he came up with you could tell the only thing he watched was me. If Max and the rest of leadership hadn't been in deeper with Jeanine than me he may have actually succeeded. Mister high and mighty, squeaky clean, never break a rule Stiff was busy building a case against me, all while he was sneaking out of the compound, unauthorized, every night for almost a year. Oh and the real prize, he goes and almost gets you kicked out of Dauntless because he starts dating his own fucking initiate." Eric spits.
"I never knew any of that," I reply, suddenly losing my appetite.
"Yup. Complaint made it to Max's desk, he asked me to investigate and I covered it up. I saved your ass back then too. I made sure to make number boy's life hell though," He rolls his eyes at me, "So of course he broke your heart when he found out you fucked his mortal enemy," He actually chuckles and I stare back at him, "It's ok Tris, I would have been intimidated by me too. I at least gave you what you wanted, because that day back in Erudite you were begging for me to pop your cherry. I'm sure he wouldn't have had you begging for it like me, so at least you got some good dick one time in your life. You seem very uptight, is that why you're here, little Stiff, you need some good dick for the second time in your life?"
"Fuck you," I hiss, before banging on the door, signaling to the guard that our session was over.