AN: Thank you so much for the reviews and follows, I absolutely love reading your thoughts on this story.
It's been six days since I left Eric suddenly when Miles was rushed to Erudite for an emergency appendectomy. The school nurses' assessment was spot on, and her quick thinking possibly saved my little boy's life. He had been rushed to surgery, where it was determined his appendix had, in fact, burst, and there was the concern of the toxins of his infected appendix entering his bloodstream.
Miles was finally discharged from the hospital three days after his surgery, and we've spent the rest of the week at home while he recovers. He's such a trooper, and has been great about following the doctor's orders to ensure he heals properly. Of course, being confined to a bed, playing video games online with his Grampy makes it very easy.
Johanna tried to keep my appointments with Eric, but he was uncooperative. He behaved exactly as he had during his five year parole, he would cross the threshold of the room to get credit for showing up to the appointment, then immediately requested to go back to his cell after seeing her there. What he doesn't realize is that he can no longer get credit for an appointment by just showing up, he actually has to stay and he's putting his case in jeopardy once again.
Today it's necessary for me to go back to work, because if Eric refuses to stay for seven sessions in a row it'll qualify as failure to cooperate. Even though I'm the one who's had to cancel because of an emergency, I don't want to give the parole board any reason to disqualify his case. Pedro is at my apartment with Miles, and my son all but kicked me out to go back to work when he promised he would behave for his Grampy.
I'm nervous, but I prepare myself as much as I can for an appointment with Eric. I order sweets from the bakery in my building, where they have honored my request for a piece of their famous cake, along with the cheese danish that Eric had liked. I'm led to the private visitation room, and I wait at the table with my stomach in knots.
Eric is led in and he makes eye contact with me.
"You staying or going Coulter?" a guard asks.
"Is he ok?" Eric asks me and I nod my head. My mouth is dry, and it feels like I would choke on the tension in the air if I were to try to actually speak, "We can go." He says to the guard.
"Eric, please stay," I stand and the guard blocks me from getting closer, "please stay, and I will answer any questions you have. I promise you, I will hold nothing back. Please don't derail your entire case. You can get out of here."
"I told you I don't want to be out," He replies angrily.
"Coulter, you either sit down and talk or we go, I'm not standing in here for family fucking therapy." The guard says.
"Please, he wants you in his life." I beg.
"He knows about me?" Eric asks in a shocked voice. I nod my head.
"Let's go," The guard pulls him.
"I want to stay." Eric says, and he finally puts his arms out to have his cuffs unlocked. The guard sighs loudly, but removes his chains, then shoves him in the chair and leaves the room, letting the heavy door slam behind him, "He knows who I am?"
I recognize the slight slur to his words that comes from heavier doses of the peace serum. I wonder how much they've had to administer to him since learning via an overheard conversation that he has a child.
I also wonder if it's one he can fight when he chooses to, like the truth serum. I take a deep breath before continuing, "Yes."
"And you're sure he's my kid?" He asks.
"Yes." I reply angrily.
"How the fuck are you going to get pissed at me? You were married to someone else right after we were together. The timing is there for it to possibly be his kid." He scoffs.
"I never had sex with Four."
"You and Four, never had sex, even after you married him?" He asks.
"No."
"Why?" He presses.
"Why do you care?" I ask angrily, "I told you I'd answer your questions but it's not necessary for you to tear me down while you do it." I reply as evenly as possible.
"So you marry him, never consummate, and turned up pregnant. That's why he left?" He prods.
"I told him what had happened between us in Erudite, and he was understandably angry and he left. I was served with divorce papers, which we were actually able to turn into an annulment, and he married Christina as soon as it was final."
"Wow." He says as he tries to pull his unruly hair back. I pass him an elastic and he pulls it up into a bun, "That was fucked up, on both of their parts. I didn't know they had it in them."
"I'd prefer to not talk about them, I've respected your boundaries. Will you respect mine?" I ask. His steely grey eyes narrow at me, but he finally nods.
"So he's nine years old right?" He asks and I nod, "You gave him my last name?"
"I would never deny who you are to him." I reply.
"His name is Miles Andrew, right?" He asks and I nod, "Andrew for your dad. Why Miles?"
"It was what separated us from you." I answer quietly, "I wanted you to know. I came here every week, until you were moved. I never knew where you were since I wasn't on your authorized contacts. I just knew we were miles apart, physically and mentally. It stuck."
"I like that," He says quietly, "He knows that I'm here?" He asks.
"Miles knows about the war, they've touched on it at school during his history lessons. He knows that you're his father, and that you're here." I explain.
"He must be so disappointed in me." He sighs, scrubbing his face and beard with both hands.
"Not at all. I told him that we made him, together, during a very scary and intense time in which his daddy was saving his mommy. He knows you saved my life. You've never been off-limits in our home."
"I can't believe the one and only time I was actually able to have sex I get someone pregnant." He shakes his head.
"What?" I gape at him, "You were a virgin too?"
"Yeah." He says.
"How..."
"Not today, Tris," He growls angrily. There's something there in his eyes, almost fear, before he schools his features again.
"Ok." I agree.
"Who watches him when you can't?" He asks suddenly.
"His Nana and Grampy, mostly his Grampy, but that's it."
"His Nana and Grampy?" Eric asks, furrowing his brow.
"Johanna and her husband Pedro, they are practically my parents now, and Miles considers them his grandparents."
"You trust them alone with him?" He presses.
There's something bubbling under the surface with Eric and I can't figure out what it is. His eyes are troubled and he seems fidgety.
"I trust them implicitly," I reply, "They were there from the beginning. I was in a dark place for a while, but Johanna, Pedro and Miles saved me. I wanted to tell you."
"Why didn't you try harder then?" He asks angrily.
"I showed up here almost every visitation day, you refused me!" I argue.
"If you had of told someone why you were fucking here maybe I wouldn't have!" He growls.
"That's how you wanted to find out? A random guard letting you know there was a girl waiting in the visitor room to tell you she was knocked up? Then, you were moved, and no one would tell me shit Eric."
"They would have if you had of told them you were having my kid Tris." He argues.
"I wanted to talk to you about it. I was barely seventeen years old, I was confused, I was scared, and I just wanted to talk to you. I didn't know what to do. Can't you take just a little bit of personal responsibility on this? I came here every time to see you and you refused me. Why?"
"I refused everyone, I told you that already." He retorts.
"Why though?"
"Stop. I'm asking the questions now Tris, not you." Eric seethes.
He's so angry that I'm actually not sure how to get things back to the comfort we had begun to build.
"How am I supposed to be someone's father?" He asks as he shakes his head.
"You just start. He knows who you are-"
"He knows what you have told him. He doesn't know me. You don't even know me."
"I do know some things, Eric. I know you risked your own life to save mine. I know that you treated me with respect during our sexual encounter. I know that you were not a cooperative part of Jeanine's plans. I know you tried to stop her. I know that you shouldn't be here." I reply gently.
"What happened to Miles, the day you had to leave for an emergency?" He asks.
"His school had to call the paramedics, his appendix had burst. He had emergency surgery in Erudite, and they removed his appendix and treated the infection. He spent three days in the hospital and has been home recovering all week, and he's doing really well."
"I'm glad to hear that. I wouldn't have known what to do." He replies.
"You learn," I shrug, "I was seventeen when I had him, and clueless. Johanna and Pedro have helped us so much."
"Why did you decide to keep him?" He asks.
"I couldn't not have him. I wanted to make decisions for him with you. Even if you and I weren't together, I thought we could make decisions together." I reply.
"Yeah, I can be father of the year from here." He shakes his head.
I open the bakery box I brought with me and slide it over to Eric in an effort to break the tension once again. He doesn't say anything, but I can see his eyebrows quirk up when he spots the large slice of chocolate cake.
He asks for me to tell him more about his son, so I start from the beginning. Miles was born in the heat of summer, on August 6, two days after his due date. He had some bouts with colic in his first few months, and he was unable to sleep through the night until he was almost six months old. He took his first steps at just under a year old, and his first word was dada, which surprised Eric until I told him about the old leadership picture of him that I'd kept for Miles.
He was a rambunctious toddler, who loved all things related to dinosaurs, and old anime as well. He was incredibly smart, as evident from a young age, and he easily picked up Spanish as his second language since his grandparents spoke it fluently.
The older he got, the more questions he had about his father. His natural curiosity kept him constantly asking about Eric, and we all tried to be as honest as we could about his father's situation while making it make sense for him.
He's gotten honor roll every year since starting Pre-K, and he loves to read and make up his own little stories. His favorite thing to do is play his console video games, with his favorite partner in crime, his Grampy Pedro, who has been his constant companion since he retired ten years ago.
"Do you have pictures of Miles?" He asks and I nod. I bring up an album on my iPad and pass it to him. I pick at a muffin while he takes his time going through the hundreds of pictures I have saved over the years of Miles' life.
"He looks just like me," He murmurs, "Even his haircut."
"He would take your picture to the barber," I reply softly, "He wanted his daddy's cut. Ironically enough, he's decided to grow it longer because he saw your latest prison picture. "
"Has he had a father figure in his life?" Eric asks.
"Pedro is his male role model, and he knows about you of course." I reply vaguely.
"So in over nine years you haven't had a boyfriend?" He asks sarcastically. Eric's eyes are once again dark, and they're piercing through me.
"I did have someone I was in a relationship with for several years. He was in Miles life, and they remain close, but he never tried to take your place as his father."
"Do I know this someone?" He asks and I nod.
I don't want to tell him, but there's no way around this, "Jack Kang."
I can see the shift in him, the small amount of ease we had built between us vanished as soon as Jack's name left my mouth. And based on the pure rage I see on his face, he is absolutely able to resist the peace serum.
"You fucking dated the guy who put me here?" He accuses angrily.
"Jack never wanted you here. Your refusal to cooperate put you here Eric. My personal life shouldn't concern you…"
"It should if you jump out of my bed into his…"
"You completely cut me off..."
"Fuck you, Tris." He spits as he stands up, "I never got a chance because you fucking married someone else as soon as you could!"
"Do you think I wanted to marry Four? I was so fucked up that I would have done almost anything to get over what happened..." I stop speaking and Eric just gapes at me.
"You had a choice! Did it ever occur to you to follow up with Johanna to see if I was alive before you married someone else?" He breathes out.
"It was just good dick, Eric, that's what you told me right?" I spit.
"You have no idea what that was to me! You just couldn't be alone for five fucking minutes, could you Tris? You couldn't give me a chance to recover and come back to you, fuck no you married the first person you saw..."
"Come back to me? I never even knew you'd want me. You never told me anything!" I argue.
"You also never gave me a chance to! Back in Dauntless, when I was sorting through my feelings you ran to Four! After I almost died on that fucking train, you ran back to Four! Then when that mother fucker didn't want to raise my kid, you found someone who would, one that wanted me in this place so he could do so!" He yells.
"I most certainly did not! Miles was three years old when Jack and I got together, and he was seven when we broke up. Jack was a father figure to Miles, and he remains one, and he helped me to talk to Miles about you. He helped me explain to our son that his father wasn't a bad man, and that you didn't deserve to be here. He kept you in our son's life, and he continues to do so." I yell back.
"If you hadn't of married Four, this would have all been different!" He yells and I just stare at him, "You shouldn't have fucking married him!"
"Do you think I don't know that? Congratulations Eric, it's the second fucking thing we've agreed on since we started these sessions!" I scream back, and the look on Eric's face is one of complete shock.
I've said too much.
"What's going on here?" A guard asks as he bursts into the room.
"We're fine." I say, "I just went too far."
"Coulter?"
"Yeah, we're just fucking great." He replies.
"No more yelling, if I can hear you two in the hall, it ends, got it?" He chastises both Eric and me and we both nod.
"So you didn't want to marry Four?" He presses.
"I don't want to talk about him."
"You don't get to decide what we talk about today, I do." He growls, "It's fine Tris, I'll just take a page out of your play book, and we can just come back later to you marrying a man less than two days after fucking me."
"I'm not doing this with you..."
"Oh, but you are Tris, now you can tell me how you fucked up your next relationship, did you cheat on Jack too?" He sneers.
"Fuck you Eric." I spit.
"Answer the question." He presses.
I stare at him, trying to calm my breathing. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears, and my entire body feels hot. I take several calming breaths before continuing, knowing that if this is what he needs in order to process the news he was never properly prepared to hear then so be it.
"Jack proposed and I said no. He's nine years older than me, and at that point it was obvious that we were at different places in life. We ended the relationship. We are friends, and he remains in Miles' life." I answer calmly.
"Did you love him?" He asks.
"I care about Jack, but no longer in a romantic way. The relationship he and I had was important for both of us, but the friendship that grew from it was even more important. He will always be a part of mine and Miles' life."
Eric seems marginally calmer, but the coldness in his eyes cuts through me.
"I don't know what you expect from me here, Tris." Eric says.
"I want you to work towards getting out of here so that you can be physically be present in Miles' life. He needs a father."
"He has Jack, who can give him the world." He spits.
"Jack is not his father. He needs you!"
"What if I don't want to be a father? What if I don't want to be in his life? What if I'm fucking content being here? You don't get to decide for me. You can't just show up here with a kid and make me a dad. You already have someone playing Daddy, someone who is a hell of a lot better than me, and can give you and that kid the world. I'm not father material," Eric jumps up from the table and bangs on the door to get the guard's attention.
"You already are a father, you can't change that Eric." I reply angrily.
He storms towards me and pulls the elastic from his hair, tossing it on the table in front of me. He puts his hands out so the guards can begin to shackle him, "I'm no one's fucking father, I'm a fucked up piece of shit, that kid is better off without me. Jack's already raising him, go back to him and leave me alone."
"Eric," I jump up, "Please don't do this." I have tears in my eyes that I'm unable to fight, "What am I supposed to tell Miles?"
"That's your problem, not mine. Maybe you shouldn't have told him about me, just like you didn't tell me about him."
He lets the guards lead him away without a second word, and without looking back.