Driver woke up to a soft purring.

Prrrrrrrrrrr, the low vibrating sound reverberated in her ears.

She slowly opened her eyes to find Cat, snuggling on her stomach.

"Aw, hello, baby" she sleepily mumbled as she petted his back.

Cat let out a soft 'Mwrap', his face turning to the side to peek at her with one of his green eyes.

At first, she was disoriented, seeing the ceiling of the living room above her instead of the one of the bedroom.

Then, the happenings of the previous night all came back to her mind like a crashing wave.

Oh, right. I'm sleeping on the sofa because there's an alien in my bed.

She sat up, and her head span: she was probably having a bit of a hangover.

She massaged her closed eyes, then slowly looked around her: golden morning sunshine filtered through the gaps in the closed blinds; the pendulum clock on the other side of the room read the time 'nine and a half'.

She gently nudged Cat off her with a hand (much to his displease), and stood up.

Pushing through her light-headedness, she opened up all the blinds on the first floor: it was a beautiful, sunny morning, although the light was a bit too strong for her sensitive eyes.

I wonder if the little guy is still upstairs, sleeping?

She climbed the stairs as quietly as possible, then peeked through the half-open door of her bedroom: sure enough, Zim was still sleeping there, in the exact same pose she had left him, curled up on his right side, tucked under the blankets. And his metal backpack was still intermittently blinking with a yellow light.

Does that light mean he's sleeping, or is he like... alcohol-poisoned? she wondered. If he really was sick, bringing him to a hospital would have been a major pain.

Suddenly, it occurred to her that she hadn't really washed the night before. Ew.

She decided that getting the morning started would be the best strategy either way: if he was fine, then he would wake up to her being clean and with a nice breakfast ready; if h e wasn't, well, a few more minutes wouldn't make much of a difference. And if he didn't wake up in half an hour, she would go and leave him in front of a hospital; and she needed to be clean for that too, as previous experiences had taught her.

After going to the bathroom, washing and changing her clothes, she headed to the kitchen: Cat was waiting for her at its door, and when he saw her he shouted a loud, irritated 'Meeeeeooooowwwww', impatient eyes staring up at her.

"Yeah, yeah. I heard you. I'll fix your breakfast right away" she groaned.

Breakfast, breakfast. She would have to cook for three that day. Actually, she was pretty sure she had never offered a breakfast to someone that wasn't Cat before.

She filled Cat's bowl, then fetched the ingredients she needed from the cupboards. I hope he likes pancakes, she thought.

As she stirred the mixture of flour, milk and eggs, she wondered what reaction he would have to her once he woke up ( if he woke up). From how the night had played out, it seemed like he liked her back, but he had also gotten very drunk at one point. Not to mention that horribly awkward final moment on the bed. What if he... regretted all of it?

Please, please, make it so that he wakes up in good spirits, with no hangover, with no memory of the 'bed thing', and that he doesn't resent me in any way, she prayed.

Meanwhile upstairs, the exact word-for-word opposite of what she was hoping for was happening: as Zim woke up, the intermittent light in his PAK turned off, and the very first thing he noticed was that he had a monstrously painful headache.

He groaned in pain, pressed on his head with his hands and curled up more on himself.

He then noticed that he was lying on a very soft surface, and that something made of cloth was covering him- blankets.

What happened to me? Where am I? he dizzily thought.

He slowly opened his eyes, and the light, albeit dim, felt like it was piercing through them. He didn't recognize the room he was in, but from the furniture and the wallpaper he could tell it was a human room. And he was on a bed. A human bed. In fact, everything around him had a distinct smell of human.

For a moment, he confusedly wondered how he'd come back to Earth -or if maybe he had never left it in the first place.

But then, he remembered about her: the girl from the bar. The human woman who had approached him in that horrible, shady space bar.

He tried standing up on the bed with one quick movement, but the jolt caused his head to spin so hard he just fell back on his hands. It occurred to him at that point that he himself smelled like human.

Now he remembered: that woman had talked him into drinking that suspiciously delicious bubbly whi-ne, and suddenly everything around him had become fainter, and that woman too had become strangely attractive , and then she... he... they...

A storm of shame, disgust, and pure horror overcame him: the night before those actions had seemed so distant and insignificant and irrelevant, but now he could remember every single little touch they'd shared so well, it almost felt like her hands and body and lips and tongue were still all over him.

And that smell that clung to him was proof that all of this had in fact happened.

He emitted a series of whimpering sounds, as he involuntarily hyperventilated and gagged at the same time. He frantically touched all over his body, as if that way he could erase the memories of the human's touch.

How could he have fallen for such a blatant trap by the enemy? Happily accepting that beverage and her advances, and even following her to her lair! Allowing her to touch him in such intimate places! And worst of it all, he distinctly remembered... having enjoyed it. A lot.

"No! That wasn't ZiM! That poison she made me drink made me go mad! That's all!" he squawked (oh, his throat felt so dry ): the proof was that he felt so disgusted at the thought now that he was sober, right?

Then, he remembered how he'd gotten on that bed in the first place: he had passed out , right after she... had attempted to undress him.

In a fit of panic, his hands scrambled to lift his tunic and shirt: he felt his exposed belly with his hands and inspected it carefully, his tired eyes uncomfortably hazing as they tried to focus: no signs of surgical operations or vivisection; he seemed to still have all the parts of his body and his uniform. His PAK, too, seemed fully operational, and nothing had been stolen from it.

After going through the trouble of luring and drugging him, why would she just leave him passed out on her bed unsupervised? Had she overestimated the duration of that alco-hol 's effects?

"Your miscalculation will be the end of you, foolish, arrogant human " he growled. "Ohhh, my head feels terrible..."

He released his mechanical legs out of his PAK and used them to climb off the bed; at first, it was hard coordinating them and keeping himself in balance: it felt like he was swimming through an invisible, but thick... mist... thing . But after a few steps, he got the hang of it and managed to exit the bedroom.

He stuck his head out of the open door and looked left and right: the upper floor appeared empty, but he could hear noises coming from below.

His brain still felt dizzy, but his mind was as sharp as ever, and it swiftly delineated a counterattack: he would sneak up on her, immobilize her and then ask what her actual motive for approaching him was. Genius! But much easier thought than done, because balancing the tips of his mechanical legs on the small steps of the stairs without tripping and ungracefully rolling down was proving extremely difficult: his slow, erratic movements made him look like a sick, elderly, over-sized, long-legged spider.

As he climbed down the sounds became clearer: tableware and pots clinking against each other, and the sizzle of something frying.

Is she... cooking? he thought in disbelief and indignation: not only had that human left him unrestrained and un-surveilled, but she had even gone on with her morning routine. The nerve! To underestimate Zim to that point! Oh, but he would show her how mistaken she was...

He finally reached the lower floor, which was much brighter: the light bothered his eyes, making his head hurt even harder. How could he ever think that drinking that poison would be a good idea?!

He followed the noises to a room to his right: the kitchen where they had teleported the night before. He peeked from behind the door: she was at the opposite side of the room, cooking something in a pan, her back turned to him. Unarmed and unsuspecting. Perfect.

He furtively entered the room, moving in the ample space between the table and the cupboards on the left; the room seemed to have been arranged just so that he could do a sneak attack on her: now he would jump on her, and tie her arms behind her back!

But just as he was about to carry out his plan, a mysterious, vague shape of white and grey sneaked between his PAK legs at light speed: surprised and alarmed, Zim jerked backwards with a shriek, two of the legs tripped over each other, and he fell on his back; his head hit the marble floor so hard his teeth chattered together -and if it didn't hurt or spin before, oh Irk did it now.

He heard the human's voice, now aware of his presence:

"Oh, my God! Are you hurt?"

He felt a hand touching his shoulder, but couldn't see much besides indefinite blobs of dim shadows: his eyes were full with tears.

Still, his panic gave him enough energy to wave his arms, slap her hand away, and shout:

"NO! STAY BACK! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"

He tried lifting himself up with his PAK legs, but they kept slipping on the smooth marble floor; in fact, they were pretty much hindering his movements as he lay on his back: his actual limbs proved much more useful in backtracking away from the human. He crawled backwards using his arms, retracted two of the metal legs, and drew out the laser guns on the remaining ones, aiming them at a vague point in front of him where he assumed the human was.

That thankfully worked, because when he managed to sit up and look in front of him, the woman had taken a few steps back and raised her hands at face level, her expression confused and scared.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?!" she shouted back. "Put away those guns! Why-"

"SHUT UP!" he angrily interrupted her, above all because her voice was grating on his ears -his poor, poor brain hurt so much.

Nevertheless, he managed to lift himself up, glaring at her all the while.

The human's pose was still defensive, but her expression turned calmer.

"What are you doing?" she asked in a slow, composed voice.

Zim gritted his teeth. Under any other circumstances, he would have found that courage admirable.

"Silence, human! I ask the questions here!" he hissed at her. "Why did you bring me here?!" he inquired, "What were you planning to do to me?!"

She frowned, appearing even more confused than before. Still, she calmly explained:

"Don't you remember? We agreed to come to my house to have some privacy while we-"

"ARGH! DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT!" he stopped her again, wincing in disgust.

"But you asked-"

"BESIDES!" he pointed an accusatory finger at her "I was talking about your real intentions with me! Why did you bring me to your base?! What were you planning on doing to me after kidnapping me?!"

The human took a deep breath, and proceeded to explain in that same calm voice:

"Well, first of all I want to make clear that this is not a base, but my house. But more importantly, there wasn't any kidnapping at all. For one, if that was the case, it would not make any sense, to just leave you on my bed without trying anything on you while you were fast asleep. And for two, you agreed to come here. How is that a kidnapping? As for my motive, I thought I had been clear enough with you last night... but you just told me not to remind you of that".

She'd spoken in such a soft, calm, logical tone, that Zim was almost hypnotized by it; but he quickly snapped himself out of it: he would not fall for this woman's tricks again.

"Then why does my head hurt so much?! You poisoned that wh-ine , didn't you?! How dare you poison ZiM's brain!"

"You are having a hangover. It happens after you drink too much. Which you did, because you gulped down as much wine as I did, only I am more than thrice your weight. And you did so against my advice, I might add" she explained, now a hint of condescension in her voice. Oh, how conceited! But... he couldn't really find anything to logically retort to her, as he did remember things going that way too. And he had heard about hangovers and their effects on the brain, though he never imagined them to be this bad...

Still, he went on with his accusation:

"Then why did I... do... that... arrrgh!" he tried not to spell it out loud, but he couldn't an alternative way to express the concept; and so, he pushed out those dreaded words: "Why did the whi-ne make me want to KISS you?!"

The human's expression fell; she seemed much more shocked and upset now than when he'd pointed his guns at her, as if those words had slapped her across the face.

"So you didn't... enjoy that... at all?" she asked.

"Of course not!" he lied, though more exactly he regretted having enjoyed it.

"You don't like me... at all?"

"Why would I ever like a filthy human?!" he shouted, "Your entire species is my sworn enemy! My sole purpose right now is to destroy all of you! The ONLY reason I didn't maim you on sight last night, is because I made the mistake of trusting your courte-sy, since you claimed to hate the Earth too! A mistake I won't commit twice!"

The human lowered her barred gaze to the ground, as if she couldn't stand looking him in the eye.

"I guess... alcohol can make you do things you would never otherwise do. I... only talked to you because I liked you. I'm... sorry" her voice sounded so sad and remorseful, he was almost, half- convinced of her regret.

Zim furrowed his brows. Everything she had said perfectly checked out. So… that was it? This was all a misunderstanding? This was even more unbearable than the kidnapping theory, because it meant that the blame was (mostly) on him!... maybe he should just gun her down anyway...

"Do you want some pancakes?" the human suddenly asked.

Zim blinked in surprise.

"Pancakes?"

"Yes. I was cooking breakfast for the both of us" she pointed at the table, which he noticed had been set for two.

"Ha! As if I would ever eat your food! Do you seriously think I would fall for the same trick again?! Those things will probably be poisoned too!" he scoffed.

"It's fair if you think so. And it's okay if you want nothing to do with me. You can go and teleport away" she pointed at the room with the teleporting cabin on her left, "but eating fatty food would help you a lot with your hangover".

Zim furrowed his brows, conflicted. On one hand, he didn't feel like consuming any man-made food at all after the previous night's ordeal. On the other hand, it really did seem like she had never meant any harm to him; she had just taken a... like to him... in her own disgusting human way... so that food was probably safe. And on that same hand, he was really, really hungry: he hadn't eaten much in the past few days. And this was a free meal. And those pancakes looked and smelled delicious. And on top of all of that, he had heard something about fatty foods helping with the collateral effects of alcohol.

He felt his spooch's digestive cavity grumbling, and his mouth salivating. All in all, the pros hand was much fuller than the cons hand.

"Arrgggh, alright, fine! But I'm keeping one laser gun out! If you make one suspicious movement, if those pancakes taste any bit funny, I'm going to shoot you down!" he tried to convey those conditions with as much hostility in his voice as possible.

"We've got a deal, sir" the human murmured, a forced, fake little smile on her face. "Please, take a seat. It won't take long" and with that, she turned back to cooking.

Zim sat at the table in front of one of the empty plates, his head was still pulsing with pain, yet he struggled to keep his eyes and a laser gun pointed straight at the human's back.

After a while, she turned back with a plate full of pancakes stacked on each other.

"Here we are" she meekly announced as she placed it in the middle of the table.

Zim picked up his fork, put a pancake in his plate, and suspiciously inspected it. He waited for the human to take a bite herself, just in case she'd somehow managed to elude his surveillance and poisoned them; when she did so, with the same calm and composed attitude, he cut a small bit of his pancake and put it on his tongue.

No weird taste, no weird reaction. They did seem safe to eat.

He took a bigger piece in his mouth, and he was surprised to find that those pancakes were delicious. Scratch that, they were no doubt the best pancakes he'd ever had: both the taste and the texture felt so rich, and so unlike any other food he'd ever tasted. It took all his strength not to throw himself forward to devour the rest in one bite. He munched on it as slow as possible, but still finished it in record time. He took another one, then a third, then a fourth.

"Do you like them?" the human asked him.

"This is the most revolting food I've ever tasted. I feel like each bite will be the one that will finally make me throw it all up. If you like your table being puke-less, don't break my concentration" Zim growled at her, his mouth full of the stuff.

She seemed to take the hint that he had no intention of sharing more words than necessary with her, because the meal continued in an awkward, absolute silence.

He tried taking a glance at the human: she was eating her food slowly, head low, eyes pointed at her plate; he quickly turned his eyes away when he noticed that she didn't look as hideous as he'd hoped for. Besides, looking at her would only summon more memories of the night before.

That alcohol was probably still circulating inside his veins.

Don't think about it! he shook his head, berating himself, I need to forget all of that and never think about it again! Especially while I'm eating!

When he finished his meal, he turned to her again:

"This hang-over is not gone yet" he pouted.

"You need to wait for the food to get circling" she patiently explained. "Why don't you try and get some fresh air outside? It will help".

Zim begrudgingly put the laser gun back in his PAK; he jumped off the chair with a grumble and headed to the main entrance. That was probably a good idea, all in all: after all, he wanted to stay away from her as much as possible.

He opened the door and stepped outside, and what he saw outside left him paralyzed.

Blue sky.

Green plants.

Birds chirping.

... wait… is this...

"EARTH!" he shouted, "WE ARE ON EARTH! But how?! How's this possible?!" he ran down the porch's steps, as if what lay before him was just a hologram that would dissolve once he stepped in it; but the grass and the air and the bugs and the birds remained firm in their places even with him running through the open field in front of the house.

He ran back inside, and met the human just beyond the front door; she had probably come to check on why he was screaming.

"Human! Explain yourself! How are we on Earth?!" he flailed his hands at her.

"Uh... we aren't on Earth" she confusedly retorted.

"Don't you dare lie to me! Do you really think I would not recognize the very planet I was tasked with destroying?!"

"But..."

"Explain!"

"Uh..."

"EXPLAIN IT TO ME NOW!" he shouted, waving his furious fists at her.

For a moment, she remained quiet. Seriously, how many times would he have to ask her before she just answered? As he was about to repeat himself, the woman finally spoke in her usual, quiet and slow manner:

"This is just a planet I'm renting"

"... Eh?"

"I had it terraformed to look like the Earth"

"What nonsense are you speaking about?!"

"Look there" she said, pointing at something up behind him. "That's the planet of a neighbor of mine who is also planet-renting. We aren't even in the same galaxy as the Earth's".

He turned around and saw a small, unknown purple planet floating far away in the blue sky.

"This planet is very tiny too" she continued, "If you walked in a straight line, you'd reach the back of my house in about twenty minutes", she pointed at the horizon.

He followed her finger and focused his eyes on the distance: his artificially-enhanced eyes confirmed that, indeed, the planet's curve ended only a hundred feet or so from where they stood.

Uh. This is definitely not the Earth.

"Where are we then?" he asked her.

"I can't tell you".

"Why not?"

"It has to do with my job" she cut short.

He was about to protest, but she continued:

"Do you need anything else?"

Zim scowled at her. He turned around, and sat on one of the steps.

"Leave me alone" he ordered.

Behind him, the human walked back and closed the house's door.

He crossed his arms on his knees. This was the second time in the arc of one day that he'd believed to have discovered a way back to Earth, only to be sorely disappointed.

He massaged his temples; his head still span and hurt, though not as much as before.

I'll never drink one drop of that alcohol poison again, he swore to himself.

He really wanted to empty his mind, but it kept turning back to that previous, strange night. One question continued to press him: Why?! Why is this HAPPENING to me?!

But now that he could calmly, soberly think about it, he was finally able to piece it all together and explain why he had acted so uncharacteristically insane.

First of all, his time on Earth in a way had spoiled him: he'd grown so used to the company of Gir, and Minimoose, and yes, maybe even of the humans there, that being all alone for all those weeks had made him... crave that company back. And what's more... well... it wasn't like he doubted that his brilliant brain would eventually find a solution to the Earth situation like it had on previous occasions, but it was definitely taking its time with this one, and that had made him anxious.

And so, seeing an Earthling had made him feel like he was back on that planet. Her attention had mended his loneliness. And most embarrassing thing of all, her kisses, combined with the alcohol, had made him forget about his mission. And he had felt like he'd been relieved of a burden.

He angrily shook his head.

Nonsense! A true Invader would never feel that way about their own mission! Those thoughts weren't his! He was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person! He was feeling down. The alcohol. All of these factors had combined to produce the dreadful result that was the most horrible night of his life yet. An unfortunate coincidence. Extraordinary perhaps, but still a coincidence. Just the Universe, deciding to add just one more disgrace on top of the other dozens it'd sent his way in the last few months.

Maybe instead of ruling the Universe he should just straight up destroy it.

But that would have to wait. First, he needed to concentrate back on his current mission: destroying the Earth!... after having found it, of course.

Once his mind was cleared, he would use that teleporter, and he would never have to see that human again! Soon, in a few hours, he could forget about this mistake and be back on track!

… only... how exactly? His ship was short on fuel and ammunition, and he didn't have that many monies left. He'd tried saving on food supplies, but being hungry every day was starting to get on his nerves.

Asking the Tallest was out of the question: he couldn't let them know he was stranded in space, or they would most certainly revoke his Invader status! Or maybe even worse…

Zim took a deep breath.

Try to relax. You'll figure it out. ZiM always figures it out. The alcohol in my veins is probably blocking the most ingenious ideas out!

He closed his eyes and held still. Waiting.

Overtime, he felt the headache and mind-dizziness slowly fade away.

At one point though, his antennae picked up the movement of something to his left.

He swiftly turned around to see an Earth cat sitting next to him, looking at him with intense curiosity. That white and grey fur reminded him of something...

"You!" Zim shouted in an accusatory tone, " You must be the beast who made me trip! You are the guard cat of that woman!"

The cat blinked one of its green eyes at him. Those slit-shaped pupils focused on him crept the heck out of him.

"I want nothing to do with your master, much less with you! Go away, disgusting furry beast!"

He waved his hand at it to shoo it away, but the cat sat still in its place. Instead, it rolled on its side, exposing its stomach to him.

"... what? What do you want?" he asked. Did it expect him to... pet it?

Zim narrowed his eyes, furious.

"Oooh, I see! You're making fun of me because of what happened with your ape master, aren't you?" he accused it. He stomped down his foot, and shouted: "BE GONE WITH YOU BEFORE I UNLEASH MY REVENGE UPON-"

"Are you having a fight with the cat?" a voice asked behind him.

He turned to look at the human, who had just now stepped outside on the porch; she'd put on a different set of clothes -the same ones from the night before (do NOT think about it)-, and was looking at him perplexed.

"It started it!" he whined, pointing at the animal " Why don't you teach your beast to properly behave itself before clearly superior beings?!"

"Awww, he meant no harm when he passed through your legs" she said, lowering herself to pet the cat's side. "He just wanted to cuddle. He probably likes you".

The cat started purring audibly to its master's touch.

Just like you 'like' me? he thought, repulsed. Earthlings had such unpleasant, if not downright dangerous ways to express their affection. For a second, he wondered if he had too looked like that cat as she-

"More importantly, human!" he interrupted his own thoughts, and stood up. "I am ready to leave your miserable planet and forget all about this awful, horrible experience. And especially about you".

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Wouldn't you like to use the restroom first to refresh yourself? Or perhaps I could offer you something else to-"

"ZiM needs no 'restrooms' of any kind" he bluntly stated. "And the only offer I'm willing to accept from you right now is a teleportation back to my ship".

"...alright, then" she finally agreed, "Come in".

She led him back into the house; picked a jacket from the coat rack next to the main door, and went into the kitchen, where she finally opened the door to the teleporter.

She plugged the power cable back in and switched it on.

Zim stepped into the cabin, legs parted and arms crossed on his chest. But the teleportation didn't start.

"Well?!" he impatiently asked the human.

"You're gonna have to make room for me" she said as she tried to put a foot behind him.

"WHAT?! Why?" he protested, pushing her foot back with a hand.

"Who's gonna bring me back my key after you have teleported?" she pointed out.

Zim let out a low, frustrated growl. She really was going to make everything more annoying than it already had to be, wasn't she?

They stepped into the cabin behind him, like they had done the night before, and inserted the key in the lock.

"Where to?" she asked.

"To the miserable bar from tonight, obviously" he replied, "That's where I parked my ship".

"Oh. Right" she murmured.

The human typed in the code for the bar's location. He heard her inhaling, as if she was trying to say something. But ultimately, she remained silent.

The human turned the key, and the teleportation started.