Despite the possibility of a firing being highly likely, Driver felt incredibly relieved to see her boss there.
Instead of answering his question, Zim turned to her:
"What?! Another human?! Hey, you never mentioned there was another human with you!" he shouted.
Oh, right. She had stopped seeing her boss, Mister Krassmann, as a human being since such a long time ago, she hadn't thought of warning Zim about his appearance, because right now, he perfectly resembled a real, regular middle-aged man, with white hair and a big curled mustache; the oddest detail about him was his whole aesthetic: he wore a very elegant, but dated (to say the least) gray suit, a matching gray bowler hat, and a pair of golden glasses which all looked like they'd come straight from the early 20th century (in fact, they probably did). His spaceship matched the style too, being modeled after a car from that era, only of course, it didn't have wheels, but space propellers, and it was made of a durable metal steel.
Really, the only giveaway that he wasn't human, and not just a space-traveler from an old sci-fi book was the light ocher color of his eyes, provided that anyone noticed them (or even knew that human eyes normally couldn't be of that hue, since Earthlings were practically unknown in the wide universe)
Ignoring Zim's inquiring, Driver stood up from the ground, and answered Mister Krassmann's question instead:
"Oh, don't worry about that. We were both just about to lower our weapons and settle our differences through civil dialogue" she said as she lowered her own gun and put it back into its holster.
"Ah, that's a relief. Resorting to violence is always such an unpleasant, sad deed" he smiled, speaking in a relieved voice; he then pressed down on a pedal and the space car slowly and gracefully lowered to land on the ground.
"Hey-" Zim tried saying something, but she interrupted him:
"Thank you so much, Mister Krassmann, for coming to help us! I don't know what we would have done without you! Zim, why don't you put those guns back in and thank Mister Krassmann for coming all the way over here to save us?" she asked him through gritted teeth.
"Eh?! What?!" Zim looked between her and her boss, absolutely lost and confused.
"Oh please, my dear, as if I would ever leave you stranded in deep space!" Mister Krassmann said as he stepped out of the car and onto the planetoid's floor with his shiny, brown, old-fashioned shoes.
"HEY! Care to explain what's going on here?!" Zim impatiently shouted, irritated and frustrated for being ignored and excluded from the conversation.
Mister Krassmann turned to him with a jovial smile and explained, in a polite, yet i rony-veiled manner:
"In due time, my exceedingly patient sir. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances, I must consult with my associate in private before I can safely entertain a conversation with you"
"What circumstances?! Didn't you come here to take me and my ship off this hideous floating rock?!" Zim tapped his foot on the ground in a gesture that was very much not patient.
She really wanted to tell Zim to knock it off with that rude attitude and to please put his guns away, but felt that her intervention would only worsen his position.
What am I even worried about? What do I care if he gets killed? It's not like he would do the same for me, she considered.
Mister Krassmann placidly replied:
"Well, you see, as I landed on this so-called hideous floating rock, I couldn't help but notice that you were pointing those", he pointed at Zim's drawn out lasers, "at the miss here", he pointed at Driver, "who just so happens to be my much beloved business partner"
"She had it coming! She ruined ZiM's ship!" Zim growled.
Mister Krassmann turned to her with a raised eyebrow:
"Is that true?"
She narrowed her eyes at Zim, and they exchanged a hostile look.
"Let's be generous and say it was a joint effort" she hissed.
"Well, whoever the original instigator of your dispute might have been, because of the nature of our mutual profession, I cannot overlook any instance of violence whenever we are both involved. Therefore, I hope you'll understand if the miss and I will retire to my vehicle to discuss what action to better take" and with that, he opened the back door of the car, gesturing to her with his hand to come in.
Driver promptly headed to the car and sat inside on one of the seats.
"Hey, wait! How do I know you won't just take off without me?!" Zim protested.
"I'm afraid you are going to have to place your trust in us, my exceedingly polite, and hopefully trustful sir" Mister Krassmann replied, and before Zim could say anything more, he quickly slipped into the car on the seat facing her and closed the door behind him.
After the much-too-small seat of Zim's cruiser and the planetoid's rough, hard surface, she was happy to finally rest on something comfortable and soft again; but even though the back of the car was quite spacious, allowing two sets of facing seats, she still felt constricted with the Boss sitting in front of her: she had learned well that his kindness and politeness could never be taken at face-value, so it was still too early to tell what his real state of mind was at the moment.
Oh, please, don't fire me.
"My dear" he sighed in heartfelt concern, a worried expression on his face: "Whatever has happened to leave you, of all people, stranded in space? And just what is the deal with the Irken fellow out there?"
"Hah, it's a long story..." she awkwardly smiled at him.
"That's most alright, my darling. I want to hear all about it. Please, don't spare the details. We have all the time in the universe" he reassured her.
Driver looked out of the window: Zim was kicking the car's side. He looked like he was shouting something, presumably demanding to be let in, but the car had been momentarily soundproofed both ways. He probably hadn't realized that those were one-way windows too, and that they could perfectly see him even though he couldn't.
Driver cringed. She really, really didn't want to explain to Mister Krassmann that she'd been attracted to him. He, however, didn't seem in the least bit concerned about Zim attacking his car, and carried on without even looking at him:
"Would you like for me to pour you a drink?" he offered.
"Just plain water would be great, thanks" she nodded.
He opened a box next to his seat and drew out a bottle of water and a glass.
After she drank half of her glass, she took a deep breath in, and started telling about the happenings from the night before to the present time, describing all of them in great details -all except the parts where she and Zim made out. And she completely omitted the… bed thing.
Even with the most compromising details left out, telling that story to him was so embarrassing and awkward, she almost hoped that he would just fire her so that she would never have to face him again. What made it even worse, is that he listened to all of it with the greatest interest and participation, occasionally nodding or raising his eyebrows, or even intervening with gasps and comments about the most exciting parts.
But when she finished, he just stayed quiet, seemingly pondering on how he should deal with her now.
Because that silence was making her nervous, she decided to break it and bluntly asked:
"Are you going to fire me?"
"Why do you think I should fire you?" he asked back in a neutral, unreadable tone. She hated when he did that to her.
Every answer she could think of seemed damning, and so she just kept quiet, lowered her gaze and took a sip of water out of her glass.
"If you are referring to what happened with the blob mister and his bar, I think you are overestimating the gravity of the situation" he reassured her. "Complete, absolute anonymity and secrecy is simply impossible, my dear. Being found out is inevitable at times. Luckily, the universe is huge, and hiding in it is fairly easy. I'm sure your teleporter won't be traced back -especially considering that the records of your teleportations likely burned with the establishment they were in".
Well, that was true. That wasn't even the first time their identities had been uncovered: the problem was how it had happened. If her employee had pulled something like that, she would have frankly fired them. But she didn't voice her opinion in that regard: she wasn't going to give him any ideas. Instead, she made a meek smile and played with her glass, nervously tapping her thumbs on it.
"Oh, please, don't tell me you are embarrassed about your little affair?" he laughed amicably, "You are young! You want to enjoy life! I can completely understand that! I was young once too, you know!"
Her cheeks flared up, and she looked away in a flinch. She felt like a teenage girl being lectured by her own father.
"Hah, how can I not be embarrassed about it?" she chuckled.
Now he knows what kind of men I'm attracted to, she thought with dread.
"However" he added, "the real problem is that mister Zim out there", he pointed out of the car's window.
She turned and was startled to see that Zim had his guns pointed at the car: he fired them, bright sparks flashing on the other side of the window, but the special glass it was made of was impenetrable to his small lasers. Zim's mouth opened wide as if he was screeching at the top of his lungs.
Classy.
"Are you sure he is traveling alone?" Mister Krassmann asked her, a thoughtful expression on his face, like he couldn't see what was going on just a few literal inches from his face.
Driver nodded; then, he asked again:
"Would you want for him to be dead?"
"Er… what?"
"We can simply fire at him with the car's defensive system and leave as if nothing has ever happened. Would that be alright with you?" he nonchalantly proposed.
"I-I… I am not sure I want him to die" she tentatively answered.
Mister Krassmann furrowed his brows.
"But you said he turned on you this morning. After having spent the night with you" he retorted, "I thought Earth women were unforgiving regarding unfaithful partners"
"It's not that I'm not angry at him! It's just that... I don't think he was being insincere last night. I think we really did connect last night. That's… that's why… uh..."
Yeah, why did the thought of killing Zim bother her so much? 'No mercy for traitors' was one of her core morals. And he was clearly one, right? So why was she still making excuses for him?
She reflected for a moment, and found that the only reasonable explanation, was that a part of her still liked him. Oh, her dumb, stupid, soft heart…
Mister Krassmann nodded thoughtfully again, then asked:
"And this connection… do you hope- do you think you would be able to gain it back?"
Driver looked at him, puzzled. What kind of weird question was that?
"Why are you asking me that?"
"Let me put it this way: do you think he is completely impossible to cooperate with?"
She stared back at him with a questioning look.
"You see, just moments before you sent me that SOS message, I had been notified of yet another incident that has befallen one of our common associates; that is, our trustworthy mechanic, Zachary. He has been hospitalized. The prognosis is six months" he said, his expression now full of concern.
Driver's eyes widened.
"What?! Zach? No way!" she exclaimed, "He is such a sturdy, strong guy! What happened?!"
"Apparently, he guzzled a literal gallon-worth concoction of space martini, space vodka, space whiskey, another dozen unidentified space liquors, and bolts in one sitting. Really, it's a miracle he is still alive" he explained with a grave, grief-stricken tone.
"Oh. That does sound like Zach. But what does that have to do with Zim?"
"Well, you see, with the hempzin leaves season coming up our times are especially tight: finding a new mechanic who's trustworthy and skilled enough to entrust our ship with with such a short notice would be tricky. And we certainly cannot afford to go without a functioning ship for six months. So, since mister Zim already knows of our secret and we need him to be on our side-"
"You want to hire HIM as a mechanic?!" she interrupted him, absolutely astonished.
"Only momentarily, but yes, that was my idea" he nodded.
"How do you even know he is a capable mechanic?!"
"Irken Invaders are all well-trained mechanics. Of course though, before hiring him I would have to properly interview him"
"Where would he even work? Would you transfer our ship to his own place, wherever that is?"
"About that… I was thinking that since he's already been to your house, it would be more practical and more secure if he just worked there" he admitted with an uncharacteristically guilty, embarrassed voice.
He must realize too that that was an outlandish proposal, after everything Zim had just put her through: after holding her at gun-point and almost leaving her to die, she was supposed to host him at her home? For entire days, weeks maybe?! Mister Krassmann often came up with rather bizarre plans, but this beat them all!
"So you are suggesting I should use my… charm… to entice him into working with us?" she slowly paraphrased for him.
"Well, naturally I would also offer him a salary proper like with any normal employee of mine" he precised, "However. Do you believe you would be capable of doing so if case called for it?"
She took another few moments to reflect on that, and… maybe... deep down she did wish she could do that. But hope wasn't the same as certainty.
"I honestly still don't understand why you would trust him so easily, sir, after what he did this morning" she said: she herself certainly didn't.
"Irken allies are as useful as they are rare" he simply replied.
Of course he knew what Irkens were: she had no doubt he knew everything there had to be known about the universe. Still, what did that even mean? What was the deal with this Irken Empire? But before she could ask him about it, he went on:
"By all means, this is all up to you. It's your house, and you don't have to welcome anyone in it that you don't want. And at this point in time you know him way better than I do. If you think he really is absolutely impossible to trust, I'll believe you and we will simply look for an alternative solution".
Driver blinked. Did this 'alternative solution' include killing him like he'd first suggested, lest he revealed information about her and her rented planet?
Once again, she attentively reflected upon.
Mister Krassmann politely remained quiet as she did so.
Finally, she spoke:
"… I think I can give him a second chance" she slowly nodded, "But at the first strike, he's out. Both of my house and of our business" she quickly added in a harsher tone.
"So if I interviewed him and found him suitable for the job, you would be willing to host him at your own house?" he repeated to make sure they were on the same page.
"… yes. Yes, I would" she answered.
This is so, so stupid, she thought. Why am I doing this? Again? Out of pity? Curiosity?, and she knew both answers were correct: she wanted, needed even, a second chance to know if the charming, adorable alien she'd gotten to know the night before was real or had just been an alcohol-induced ghost; and she also wanted to know what his real deal with Earth was. Then, she would be at peace with herself, no matter what the truth was.
Meanwhile outside of the car, Zim had given up on forcibly opening the car or getting their attention in any way: he couldn't see them through the obscured windows, nor hear any sound from within the vehicle, so the same would probably the other way around too . And he wasn't sure what that car was made of, but it was impenetrable from both his lasers and his kicks.
Were they secretly plotting against him? Were they going to leave him stranded there? One human had been enough of a pain to deal with, and now their numbers had doubled. Seriously, how long would he have to put up with that horrible species?! Even off the Earth, they kept finding new, disgusting, creating ways to torment him!
All of a sudden though, the human woman finally got out of the car, and walked towards him: she had a cold, indecypherable expression on her face.
"My boss wants to talk to you in private" she said, and gestured to the car.
Zim tilted his head and furrowed his brows.
"About what?" he asked.
"You should ask him when you talk to him"
"You said he would pick me and my ship off this awful asteroid!" he retorted, irritated.
"I'm sure that if you act nice to him, he will" she replied impassible.
There was no other way around it, was there? Very well. He would talk to this 'boss', and if he didn't want to give him what he wanted... he'd simply take it. What could a mere human do against him in such an enclosed place anyway?
Zim took a few steps towards the car, when the human warned him:
"For your own good, do not be rude. And don't bother lying to him. He'll see through your every lie anyway".
He gritted his teeth. How could that human have the nerve to call him a liar?! Well, not that he wasn't. But still: how insolent! And what was that warning supposed to mean? Was she trying to scare him?
Just before stepping into the car, he turned and asked, suspicious:
"How do I know this isn't a trap you both set up for me?"
The human shrugged.
"In that case, I guess you are just going to die, aren't you?" she said in a bored tone.
That line and the cold tone in which she'd stated it sent a chill down his spine for... some... reason. So much for "liking him", uh? Humans were such fickle, untrustworthy creatures.
He warily opened the car's back door and stepped in.
"Ah, there you are, mister Zim! Please take a seat!" the man greeted him in an overly-courteous tone, waving his hand at the seats opposite to him.
Zim jumped on one of the seats without ever moving his glaring eyes from the him: his polite act was even more suspiciously accentuated than the woman's.
He was about to speak -demanding to be escorted away and repaid and end the whole ordeal quickly, but the man said something that left him utterly confused:
"First of all, would it make you more comfortable if I switched to my Irken form?"
"Your… Irken what?" he asked back.
"Here, I'll show you" the man smiled, and in an instant his whole figure... twirled on itself, as if under his clothes and skin it was actually made from a black smoke: the swirl of colors morphed in a smaller, differently-colored form, and when it stopped there stood an Irken in place of the middle-aged human.
"When I'm in my Irken form, my name is Krass!" he smiled in a slightly higher-pitched voice and a less formal tone, and he extended a hand to Zim.
Zim was too shocked to react or talk: the Irken in front of him was considerably smaller than the man from before, but still taller than him himself; he had long antennae on top of his head and yellow eyes; he even had a PAK and wore a standard Irken uniform: if Zim hadn't seen him in his original appearance, he would have never guessed he was actually not a member of his own species.
"You... are not a human?!"
"I'm afraid not. Were you hoping for me to be?" he asked with curious eyes.
"What are you exactly?" he asked again.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you. It's a secret" he replied placing his index finger in front of his mouth; he'd probably noticed his discomfort, because he then asked: "Is this form making you uncomfortable?"
Zim slowly nodded: he looked way too much like a real Irken. It was creeping him out.
"That's weird. But alright, I guess the human form will have to do" Krass commented, and his form twirled in a smoky twist of colors once more, morphing back to his 'human form'.
"When I am in my human form, my name is Mister Krassmann" he smiled, and again he extended his hand to him.
Zim pressed his back against the seat. Was he some kind of shape-shifting monster? He'd heard of shape-shifting creatures, but never of such quick, precise abilit ies! Whatever this... thing in front of him was, he had no intention of touching it; so he simply stared at his hand, with a mixture of suspicion and fear.
Now that car seemed much, much smaller than it was before.
Mister Krassmann seemed to get the hint that he had no intention of shaking his hand, and drew it back.
"How about something to drink then?" he offered, and he opened a box embedded in the car's structure next to his seat.
Zim winced.
"I'm not gonna drink any alcohol!" he stated.
"I was thinking more of a nice cup of tea. After all, it should be around 5 in the afternoon on Earth right now, shouldn't it?" he precised as he drew a whole fuming teapot out of the box.
"No, I- Wait, who keeps a teapot in a car?! Never mind, look, shapeshifter, just tell me what you want with me so I can finally get off this stupid rock!" he tried to cut short.
"Very well" he said as he poured himself a cup. He put the teapot back in the box and closed it.
Then, he asked him:
"Why didn't you ask for help to your fellow Irken soldiers, waiting for my arrival instead?"
Zim slightly jumped: he wasn't expecting a question like that.
"Uh... because, uh- I-I didn't wanna be seen together with a human after a crash, of course!" he lied.
The shapeshifter kept his yellow eyes locked on him as he sipped on his tea: they were so curious and intense, it almost felt like they could even peek inside his PAK's files. Zim swallowed, his throat uncomfortably dry. Now I get what the human meant…
The monster didn't contradict him, though. Instead, he simply nodded and went on speaking in a more casual tone:
"Speaking of my associate, she told me about your little fling from last night"
Zim flinched. How many times was he going to be reminded of that?!
"Whatever she told you, it's NOT true" he hissed.
"Oh, I'm sure she was talking with eyes clouded by romance: y ou seem to have completely swept her off her feet".
… romance? That human had really fallen in love with him?
Zim felt some part of his organs churn inside of him at that. Probably just a random body spasm.
"... I have?... but she destroyed my ship, and pointed a gun at me!" he pointed out. She had evidently liked him the night before, but now? There was nothing but hostility coming from her!
"She is just a little angry that you almost left her to die. She's practically already over it" he replied in an unconcerned tone. "In fact, when I suggested we should just take you out and leave your lifeless body on this planetoid, she fiercely opposed my idea with tooth and nail!"
Zim's antennae perked on his head:
"... she did? Really?" so that human still liked him? A surge of pride swelled in his chest.
Not that I really care about it, of course, he reassured himself. It's only natural that she still likes me (as disgusting as that fact in itself is): once one recognizes ZiM's objective superiority, there is no more denying the truth!... wait, did he just admit he'd thought about killing m-
"Oh, of course" the monster nodded his head energetically, cutting off his train of thought, "So much so, that I thought instead of an alternative way to settle this whole affair, that is going to benefit all the three of us"
"… which is?" Zim asked, back on the alert.
The monster placed the still-fuming cup on the closed box and started his explanation, punctuating each sentence with a gesture of his hands:
"You see:" he put his hands on his chest "my associate and I are in need for a mechanic to repair our work ship", he turned his hands towards Zim "and you, sir, are in need for monies and resources to repair your own ship", he joined his hands and shook them together "Therefore, I propose this simple deal to you: you will repair our work ship, and in return I shall provide you with the monies and the resources required to repair your own cruiser".
"... What?!" Zim shouted, indignant. "Me, working for someone like you? That's ridiculous! ZiM serves no one but himself! … oh, and the Empire!"
"Oh, don't think of it as something on the same level as pledging your allegiance to your empire! Think more of it as a... temporary, short, part-time job to help you top up your wages!" the monster clarified, shaking his head and smiling.
"… 'top up my wages?'" he repeated.
"Yes! A way to earn a few extra monies between one conquered planet and the other! Keep in mind, this would all last no more than two weeks tops: a small, insignificant thing compared to your actual life vocation as an invader. Unless you don't have anything urgent to turn to, of course. But I'm willing to bet, that after the impressive feat of conquering the entire planet Earth by yourself, your supervisors have left you plenty of free time as a well-earned reward!"
"Eh? What? What are you- uh-I mean, yes! Of course! That planet! That I totally… don't have to destroy… still… because I've already destroyed! it. Hm." Zim hastily corrected himself: for a moment he'd forgotten of the lie he'd told that human about the state of his mission.
Zim shifted uncomfortably on his seat. That's right. By now he should have conquered Earth and wiped out all its inhabitants. But instead, he was practically stranded in space and with no idea or resources to even find it.
… in the end, all things considered, maybe stretching his search by one or two weeks wouldn't hurt: even if his ship had been functional at this point, he still wouldn't have the monies to continue anyway. And it's not like the Earth would move away from... wherever it was now!… probably.
"How many monies would you pay me?" he asked.
"Considering the heavy damage the ship received... the pay would be of 20,000 monies. As for the repairs to your own ship, I could provide you with the parts necessary charge-free, but they will likely won't be original Irken parts".
Zim's jaw dropped. Was the monster for real?!
"20,000 monies? For simply repairing your ship?!"
"More or less, yes: it is a very expensive, precious, and advanced ship. Not to mention its sentimental value"
"And the replacement parts for my cruiser... would be free?"
"Yes, although, again, probably not original".
Zim looked down, reflecting. Repairing a ship would be a piece of cake for him: 20,000 monies was a ridiculously high price for the effort it would take him! And he could repair his cruiser himself for free. And with that many monies and his cruiser fully operational, his mission would progress even faster than it could ever do before!
"All of this... would only last two weeks?"
"Yes, well, that would be the deadline we need the ship fixed and ready to take off for".
A devious smile crept on Zim's face.
"Yes... yes!" he whispered "That would be perfect!"
The monster extended his hand to him again.
"Do we have a deal then?" he smiled.
Zim was so ecstatic, that touching that creature didn't seem so bad now.
"I believe we do" he replied, as he took his hand and shook it.