Driver had set out to rob the house, but it turned out to be more like an excuse to thrash it: in their search of the living room, kitchen and even bathroom for anything remotely valuable, they pulled every single drawer out of its chest and emptied it of its content all over the floors; anything that could be easily broken, from plates, to glasses, to those horrible knick-knacks, and even the windows, they shattered them all, joking and laughing in utmost vengeful glee all throughout the ordeal.
In the end, though, they did manage to gather some valuables: the old expensive cutlery in the cupboard, the ten best pictures of the lighthouse hanging in the living room, the camera of the old man, food (and thank the Universe they didn't find a frozen body in the fridge, like they'd expected), and even a modest stash of monies hidden under one of the sofas. Driver placed all these objects in an emptied drawer taken from the kitchen, with the intention of taking them on the ship and eventually sell them; finally, for some reason still unknown to him (as he doubted she could possibly sell those), she added all the photos of the murdered couples to pile of loot, too.
Once they were done with the main house, Driver asked him to accompany her back to the light-house-tower-thing; that, too, left him confused at first: he doubted there was anything worth searching for up in there, not when it meant seeing that horrible spinning light and Ojod's corpse again. Ultimately though, he confided in her scavenger's intuition and followed her back to the tower.
They climbed up the spiral staircase: now that everything was calm and quiet, Zim found that dark place even creepier than before.
The Ojod-thing's body was still there in the same place and pose as they'd left it. It cast a long, deformed shadow every time the spinning light of death hit it that stretched all the way to their feet, at the top of the stairs. For one moment, Zim was sure that he would actually turn out to be still alive, that he would jump on them as soon as they got too close.
But of course, not many species could survive with their face blown up: it remained completely still as the human hunched over it and it stayed so even as she started touching it.
"Ewww!" Zim winced. "Do you have to do that? Haven't we gathered enough monies from the rest of the house?" The light of the light-house alone was enough to make his head spin: he didn't want to see a cadaver being handled on top of it.
"That's not what I'm after" she replied. "Can you help me flip him over?"
Zim answered with an extremely disgusted grimace.
"Oh, don't be so squeamish" she smirked. "At least you are wearing gloves! I swear, it will be worth it!"
Zim held his tongue.
You talk like that because you're covered in old monster's drool: you have no reason to worry about hygiene!
But, thinking about how awful of an experience the Driver-human had just gone through... maybe, just this once, he might as well indulge her in her dirty, gross efforts.
Just this once.
Not counting the kissing, of course.
Full of repulsion, Zim reluctantly knelt to the other side of the body and helped her flip it upside-down, exposing its... well… what little remained of its face, to the air.
When they did so, she carefully removed the locket from its neck.
"What are you doing with that? You're not going to wear it, are you?!" he asked, afraid that she might have ended up catching the same type of madness the old couple had been afflicted by.
"Of course not. I just figured it might come in handy" she explained as she put the locket in a pocket on the back of her pants. "I wish the other one didn't get vaporized. We could have sold one and kept the other. Or we could have kept one each".
"I don't think so! I would've never worn it!" he retorted. "Do as you wish, but keep that thing very far away from me! Oh, and don't wear it! I don't want to have to put you down if you go mad!"
"Don't worry, I'll put it in the ship's safe right after I'm done" she assured him. And then she added, with a giggle: "Wearing it would make me look like Frodo with the Ring..."
"But... you don't wear rings around your neck"
"Oh man, Zim, hahaha!" she chuckled. "Have you ever even been on Earth?"
"Should I know who that is...?"
Driver didn't answer. Instead, she wielded the instant camera she'd brought along from the living room, deactivated the flash function, and pointed it straight at the light of the light-house. She took a photo: the sheet that came out of the camera was shining out of its own light, just like the insides of the lockets.
"I knew it" she smirked. "This is how they made the lockets"
"Okay, now that is creepy" Zim took a few steps back. "You aren't going to try to eat me alive, are you?"
"Oh, no, don't worry. I'm safe, I think. I'm pretty sure the spell only works if you're unprepared. Or if you want it to work" the human let the shining picture fall on the floor and took several other photos. Click click click. Until the camera ran out of roll.
"What spell?" the only 'spell' that light was able to cast on him was making him feel like barfing. The fact that he wasn't being charmed by it like everybody else seemed to be, was more evidence that it must have been due to his exceedingly powerful and smart brain.
"In any case, you shouldn't be looking at that light. It can't be good for you! You're gonna fry your brain! Can't we just go on the ship and... fly away, maybe? Anything that doesn't involve being in this room?" he tried to plead to her again. He was anxious that after all his effort to save her from those monsters, she would just find a way to kill herself on her own instead.
"I'm fine, Zim. I don't think this place alone is dangerous" she murmured as she took yet another photo. "Besides, if you wanna survive in space with a job like mine, you gotta start considering all the ways any object could ever be valuable to you. And snatch away as much as you can. Especially if the object in question is one of a kind like this one"
"One of a kind or not, I think it would be best to just blow this whole place up, and that light with it" he stated, crossing his arms in disapproval.
"Oh, that we're absolutely going to do" she agreed. She turned to him and smiled with an evil smirk- "I'm sure the whole shack will burn nice and good. I just wish those two were still alive to burn with it".
The light span on her face as she finished that sentence, making her expression look even more attractively malicious. Zim stared at her in absolute awe, even after she turned to take the last few photos. If only she wasn't covered in that revolting demon saliva…
In the end, Driver managed to collect nine luminous pictures before the camera ran out of roll. As they left the tower, Zim wondered if the light had heard their plans of blowing the whole place up, and if it would try to stop them. But of course, that was a ridiculous thought. A light couldn't think… right?
When they returned to the main house, they brought the drawer with the loot in it outside and left it on the ground a good thirty feet from the building: a good safe distance from the house that they were about to burn.
As they walked out in the open, they noticed that the furious storm had become a mere breeze. The mist, too, was completely gone, it had vanished into nothing, like it had never been there in the first place. They both sighed in great relief: they wouldn't be trapped there forever after all.
They retrieved a fuel tank from Driver's ship and poured it all over the floors of the kitchen and the living room; then, on their way out, Driver used a lighter to light it all up: the fuel instantly burned with a big, blue flame, which started consuming its surroundings. Satisfied, they finally left the house for good and admired the results of their efforts.
Driver promptly headed to the drawer she'd left on the ground and drew out all the photos of the dead couples: she placed them in three neat rows on the ground, their backs turned to the now-burning house.
"Why are you doing that?" Zim asked.
"I just thought, if those two maniacs were never found out, then nobody really knows what has come of these people. But if somebody ever stumbles upon this place and sees the photos, then their friends and families might finally find out what happened to them. Of course, provided that there's still someone alive who cares about them"
"Oooh. I see. But… why do you care?"
"I mean, look at them. They're all smiling. They probably never suspected the two old crazies until the very last minute. They were just like us, but they still died..." she smiled melancholically.
"Hey, can you imagine if we'd died here and somebody other than me did this? We would be the only non-smiling couple of the bunch"
"That's because we aren't like them at all!" Zim asserted. "We are obviously the superior couple: that's why we won!"
"Ah" she smirked. "So we are a couple now?"
"Er-! I-I mean, 'couple' as in, 'two people being considered at the same time'! I-it's just how grammar works!" he explained, having realized the uncomfortable implication of what he'd just said.
"Sure" she giggled.
The Driver-human stood up and joined her hands together, palm against palm.
"How about a minute of silence in their honor?"
Zim remembered that human tradition: he himself had done a minute of silence before, back at Skool, in honor of some workers who'd died in an accident in the local hot-dogs factory. He'd been thinking of a plan to blow up all the hot-dogs factories on the planet the whole time it lasted.
Seeing the human being so considerate and compassionate of others after her vengeful spree was very weird. From her expression, he could see that it was a very serious, important matter to her, too.
"Oh, well… alright" he consented, joining his hands like the human was doing.
Meanwhile, the house was burning really fast: already he could see the flames rising inside, looking through the broken windows and the open main door. Soon, a copious amount of black smoke started filling the interior, flying out of every opening.
When Driver confirmed from her watch that the minute had passed, she signed herself in four points (shoulders, torso and head) with her right hand. Then she kissed her own hand, and murmured, in a language that Zim had never heard: "Requiescant in pace. Amen".
Zim awkwardly tried to imitate her movements, mumbling under his breath a very botched repetition of her words.
"I'm going to wash this… stuff off myself" the Driver-human said. "You gonna stay here and watch the fire?"
"Oh, yeah" Zim nodded. "You go ahead. Have a nice cleaning session".
And with that, she went back into the ship, carrying the drawer with the loot with her.
Zim admired the house burning up with immense satisfaction: seeing the belongings of his enemies burn down was always such a refreshing (haha) experience. He'd hoped the human would want to witness it with him, but if he had been the one covered in drool, he, too, would have probably rather washed himself as soon as possible.
The flames rose, slowly but steadily, consuming inch by inch the wretched building: in about half an hour, it was completely engulfed in them. Zim watched the whole process very attentively, never once turning his eyes from it, eager to later describe it to the Driver-human.
The human, on her part, took her sweet time scrubbing the drooly stuff off herself, because when she was done (although he didn't exactly pay attention to the time), it was already the time that they had been considering 'evening' during their journey through space.
When she peeked out of the ship's door, on top of its stairs, she was clean again, just like she'd been a few hours before, but she looked distinctly tired. And pale. And she had another change of clothes on.
"It came all off" she announced, voice full of relief.
"Oh, good!" he smiled up at her. "Come here and watch the fire! It really is burning nice and good like you said! You missed the beginning, but I can still describe it to you! And there's still a lot left to burn!"
"Ah... yes. I can see that" she said. Strangely though, her voice was severely lacking in enthusiasm. And she wasn't smiling.
"Actually, I think I'll go on the roof and watch from there" she said in a mopey voice.
"Oh... o...kay" Zim replied. "Uh... it's... it's almost mealtime. Do you want to have dinner while we watch? We can carry the plates on the roof and then-"
"Sorry, I'm not hungry" she shook her head. "Uhm... Zim, when you can, can you please follow me on the roof? I have something important to tell you".
Zim started cold-sweating. This can't be good, he thought.
"Al... alright, human" he nodded, still trying to smile at her.
The Driver-human turned around and disappeared back into the ship.
Zim hung his head, worried and anxious.
He didn't understand. He'd assumed that after having bonded over something as positive as murder, everything would come back to normal, their little quarrel forgotten, and yet the human seemed to be feeling even more down than before.
Whatever was her deal? Was it not enough that he'd saved her life? She should well be happy that she had escaped death and that killed two enemies all in one day! He would be, for sure!
Did that mean that he wasn't in the clear yet? If he went on the roof and talked to her now, would she get angry at him again? The thought of her lashing out at him like she'd done earlier made him feel uneasy to the point of fearing to confront her again.
Then again, the human didn't seem angry, but rather, sad. So maybe he was safe from any possible rage outburst after all?
It was at that point that it hit him: the human wasn't just angry at what he'd said to her. She was first and foremost… sad. And hurt. He was sure of it now, because he too had felt sad and hurt when she'd lashed out at him: she must have felt the same way about him.
That's when he realized: I've hurt the Driver-human.
Zim felt his guts churn uncomfortably. Remorse was probably the rarest emotion he ever got to experience, but it was unmistakably what he was feeling at the moment.
And it was so unexpected too, because for a long time, just until a few hours prior in fact, he'd believed that was exactly what he wanted to do: ever since he'd met her he'd felt a profound resentment against her, for making him feel so much… weird, uncomfortable… stuff. Now he'd finally managed to bite back, make her equally as uncomfortable as he was, so much so that she apparently didn't want to do the make-out with him anymore, and yet, that didn't feel at all like an accomplishment.
It didn't feel good in the first place. It felt bad. A distinctly bad kind of bad. So bad it made him feel physically sick.
Zim let out a deep sigh. There was no other way he could be relieved of that horrible sensation, was there?
He was going to have to swallow his pride and say sorry to her.
Of course, apologizing was one of his most least favorite things in all existence, but knowing that he was on the human's bad side was somehow even worse: he needed to set things right between them as soon as possible.
I'm doing it first and foremost for the sake of the mission anyway. I need her resources to build the machine and take back the Earth!, he reminded himself. It was only half true, he knew it, but he was going to ignore that.
Zim climbed up the stairs and entered the ship; in the control room, the human had pulled out the ladder that led to the roof's hatch.
He climbed the ladder too, and heaved himself onto the roof: the human was sitting a few feet away from there, legs crossed, facing the burning building. The bright, warm light of the fire illuminated her pensive, and somber face.
Zim swallowed a lump of anxiety down his throat. He walked towards her, trying his hardest to keep his cool.
He stood to the Driver-human's right, waiting for her to greet him in some way, but even though she must have surely sensed his presence, she didn't acknowledge him in any way, keeping her gaze pointed straight at the light-house.
Not a good sign at all, he noted.
Still, he cleared his throat, placed his hands behind his back, straightened his back, with his chest out and chin high, like he would have done during a military report.
"Driver-human" he spoke with a clear voice, trying to convey all his confidence into his speech. "Before you say anything, I just wanted to clarify that, after a very careful reevaluation, I now realize that all the insensitive statements I made against you today were unfounded and unjustified, and I therefore no longer stand by them".
The human said nothing. She just kept staring in front of her with the same sad expression.
Maybe he'd been too formal.
"What I mean is, I'm taking back all the bad things I said to you earlier" he explained, just in case she didn't understand his elaborate military speech.
Still no reaction whatsoever. Maybe she was so absorbed in watching the fire that she wasn't hearing him?
"Human?" he called her.
That explanation didn't hold, as the human sighed quietly at the sound of his voice: she looked down, and started fiddling with her hands in her lap, as she used to do whenever she was nervous.
Zim swallowed, his throat uncomfortably dry. He moved his hands back to the front, and awkwardly tugged at the edge of his tunic.
"What I'm trying to say is, I didn't really mean any of it" he said, sounding quieter and more apologetic. "They were lies, okay? I don't… really..." he swallowed again.
Telling the truth was always so, so hard.
"I don't really not care about you, human. Maybe I… I actually, uhm... kind of… enjoy… you?" he admitted.
The human's expression furrowed at that statement, looking possibly even sadder than before. Was she about to cry because of him? Because if he ended up making the Driver-human cry, he would have never forgiven himself for that.
"Come on, Driver, I… I'm sorry, okay? Can't we put this behind us?" he pleaded. "Don't be angry at me! At least say something!"
The human sighed again. Then, she finally spoke:
"Zim, I don't deserve your apology. I'm… I'm a horrible person"
"… what?" he asked, completely surprised and confused, and yet a bit... relieved by those words. At the very least, there seemed not to be any more angry insults coming his way.
She slowly turned her face to him. For a second, she lifted her eyes up to look at him, and he could see that they were shiny, as though she was just about to cry. Immediately, she turned her face back down.
"The… the truth is, I've been lying to you" she stammered.
"Do you… remember, back at my house, when you asked me if I could contact the Boss so you could ask him about the space sacks? And I said I couldn't because of job risks? That was a lie. I lied because… I was afraid if you got an answer, you'd just leave. A-and we were just beginning to reconnect! We'd just gotten on friendly terms again, and… oh, man" she collected her legs against her chest and hugged her knees, burying her face between them. "Now that I'm saying it out loud, it sounds even more entitled and creepier than I thought..."
Zim tried speaking, but she went on, her voice becoming more frantic:
"But that's not all. This morning… I really was speaking to the Boss about you. He… suggested that… that I'm only staying with you because of the monies and the machine. But I swear that is not true!" she raised her voice with the last sentence, and finally managed to look him in the eye as she said this last part: "I really, genuinely do care about you!"
"Haha!" Zim sneered. "I KNEW that sneaky weaseloid was trying to discredit me in front of you! He knew he stood no chance against the almighty, endlessly-charming ZiM! That's why he had to resort to deception! I bet he doesn't even dislike greasy food!"
"Is that why you were upset all day?" he smiled at her. "Oh, come on, human, I think you and I both know very well that your obsessive infatuation for me isn't motivated by monies! Really, you've made a fuss over nothing! Who cares what he thinks?"
The human's brows furrowed in a doubtful expression.
"What about the lie though? You're not angry that I lied to you? That I delayed your mission for my own goals?" she asked.
"I-, well- okay, that's true, that was pretty bad of you" he considered. "I always knew, deep down, that you were hiding something. I guess that's okay, though, your pathetic little secret schemes could never really harm my genius in any significant way!"
"No, Zim, this isn't okay at all!" she protested. "What I did to you was awful on every level! I kept making out with you and trying to get intimate with you while I was hiding something like that! Even though I knew how important your mission is to you... even though I knew how inexperienced and vulnerable you are-"
"Hey! I am NOT inexperienced and vuln-"
"That is why I tried to push you away!" she interrupted him. "I felt like I was... like I was exploiting you. It didn't feel right. I... I don't think it was ever right…" she shook her head.
"If you say you don't like me, I shouldn't question it. If you say that alcohol caused your PAK to make you want to kiss me, I should believe it" she stated in a firmer voice. "The last thing I wanted was to make you do something you didn't want to, but I ended up doing just that".
"Ah…" Zim looked left and right, suddenly regretting how horrible of a thing he'd made kissing out to be in front of her. "W-well, I mean, that is true, but-"
"Here" the Driver-human reached into a pocket in the interior of her jacket, and drew out the key and the coordinates to the laboratory the Krass-man had given her.
She took one of his hands, and placed the objects into it.
"Take your Voot Cruiser. Go to the lab, take what you need to build the machine and then hide somewhere until it's ready" she said.
Zim stared at her for a moment. Then, he looked at the key and the paper she'd placed into his palm. Then back at her.
"You mean… alone?" he asked.
"Yes" she nodded, a secure expression on her face. "I've stalled your mission far enough already. You'll go way faster without me. And besides, you have the monies Mister Krassmann gave you, right? You don't need my help for anything anymore".
Zim looked back down at the key he was holding.
He tried to conjure any logical retort to that, but he found none.
She was right: he had no use for her anymore. In fact, why hadn't he thought of just stealing the key and the coordinates and flying away on his own in the first place? It was so obvious!
"You… you are right" he had no choice but to agree. "But… what are you gonna do with the Krass-man? Isn't he gonna be mad that you let me go and have no machine to give him?"
"Oh, don't worry about that" she forced out a smile. "I know him well. I can handle him. I will come up with an excuse. Just make sure to be quick, taking away what you need from the lab. And to hide very, very well afterwards. With the machine, even the Boss won't be able to catch you. And after a while, he'll give up getting revenge on you... probably".
"I… I don't understand this at all" he stammered, shaking his head to clear his mind of all the confusion. "Why are you doing this? You had every reason not to tell me any of this! You could have had the machine! You could have kept kissing my impossibly handsome face!"
"This... ah, this is just the right thing to do" she shook her head.
"And besides… nothing that is built on a lie can last. It was very, very naive of me to ever believe that"
"I… suppose… it can't" he muttered.
Did this mean that it was over? This whole… thing he had going on with this human?
He didn't understand. He didn't understand a lot of what was going on at the moment. Particularly, what exactly he was feeling about all of that.
Eventually, he guessed that the right emotion to feel at such a time was gratitude, so he murmured an unsure:
"Uh… thanks...?"
The Driver-human smiled sweetly at him. But she didn't look happy at all.
"Take care, Zim. And when you're in the clear, write to me- I mean, if you want. But, you know, I'd like to hear from you some time. Ehhh… oh, man, this is awkward, heh" she chuckled, scratching the side of her neck.
"Very" he agreed.
They both lifted their gazes and looked into each other's eyes, an enigmatic expression on both their faces. It was like they were both unsure on what expression they should have assumed.
Wait. Wait. Is this really happening?, Zim's heart raced, We're just going to part? Like this? All of a sudden? After all this time together, it's gonna end with such a short conversation? I should say something. I barely said anything. I let her do all the talk. I feel... I feel I have more to say. I should say it right now, before she-
"Well… goodbye, Zim" Driver said.
"… goodbye" his mouth mechanically answered.
Without having any meaningful control on his own legs, Zim turned around and started walking towards the hatch, headed to retrieve his Voot Cruiser.
He'd always imagined that the moment he could have stopped working with the human would have been a happy one, but it just felt... empty.
But this was the right thing to do, right? He would have been much faster and efficient on his own. And after all, Invaders didn't need help. Invaders didn't need partners.
Invaders worked alone.
That's right, alone...
Zim imagined spending even more weeks alone in space, without a place to come back to or even one single person to talk to.
He imagined not being able to see or touch the human ever again.
No more kissing her, no more touching her, no more hearing her voice, no more tasting her food, no more nothing. For eternity.
He imagined what kind of trouble she would have been in when the Krass-monster found out about all she'd done. What she'd done for his sake.
Zim stopped, a foot on the edge of the opened hatch.
He remembered how sweet she'd been to him. How gentle she'd been when she'd tended to his wounded arm. How kind she'd been to him, despite his continuous insults and complaints. How soft her lips felt against his own…
He was still confused about a million things and more, but he was dead sure of one thing: this was not at all what he wanted.
Parting from her was so far from what he wanted that the thought of going through with it was setting him into a panic.
No. This is so stupid. This makes no sense. She is just a human. You should be happy to get rid of her! You will never have to kiss her! To feel those immoral, disgusting things ever again!, he channeled all his strength into his foot, to force it onto the first step of the ladder.
But his foot refused to move. His very body refused to climb down the ladder.
He squeezed his eyes closed, and let out a frustrated grunt.
Just climb down the stupid ladder. Take the Cruiser, fly away from her. All you have to do is not look at her. If you look at her now, you won't ever be able to leave-
His treacherous head turned around to look over his shoulder: the Driver-human was sitting with her legs crossed again, looking at the burning house.
There were tears in her eyes.
She looked so sad.
She looked... so lonely.
Zim's body turned around and practically ran back to her.
Driver turned to him at the sound of his running steps, an expression of utmost surprise on her face.
"What?" she asked. "You don't remember how to open the cell where your Cruiser is?"
"No, I- no, urgh, I don't care about the stupid Cruiser right now!" Zim shouted.
Driver winced. She was looking more and more confused by the minute: her eyes were wide open, staring at him. Still shiny and watery from her crying.
"Look, human, I... I…I…" Zim started to stutter.
He took a deep breath, gathering all his courage. He couldn't hesitate, not now that he was standing like that in front of her.
"ZiM... ZiM has never done anything he doesn't want to!" he declared in a loud shout. "Kissing... kissing you... isn't... oh, FINE!"
Zim took a deep breath and closed his eyes shut. Finally, he let out all of his thoughts. His true thoughts: he revealed the most embarrassing secret he'd ever kept.
"I LIKE KISSING YOU!" he screamed. "I - LIKE IT! I REALLY DO! I LIKE THE SENSATION OF YOUR APE LIPS ON MY OWN LIPS! I-It's MOIST, and GROSS, and UNSANITARY, but it's true! I - LIKE - KISSING - YOU! I-I like the TEXTURE, a-and, the WARMTH, a-and yes, I MIGHT even like the MOISTURE a little bit! And MOST OF ALL, I LIKE HOW GIDDY AND RELAXED AND GOOD IT MAKES ME FEEL INSIDE! Okay?! Happy now?"
"B-but Zim-" Driver stammered. "Your PAK-"
"THERE is no CONCRETE PROOF that alcohol caused my DIRTY kissing urges!" Zim shouted over her. "PAKs are DESIGNED to work like human levers-"
"Livers?"
"WHATEVER! They are MADE to filter alcohol, among other things, and there's not been a record in the WHOLE DARN IRKEN HISTORY of a PAK being DAMAGED by it! It's much, MUCH MORE LIKELY that I just LEGITIMATELY LIKE IT!" he screeched so hard his throat hurt.
Exhausted by all that sudden shouting, he continued, in a quieter, but in no way calmer voice:
"I don't know what it is, human… whenever I'm with you, I act differently... I feel things I've never felt before…My heart starts pumping, and my insides start churning, and my blood starts boiling! I hate it! I hate it so much! And I… I can't… I can't get enough of it! I don't want it to stop! I want you… to BE with me…" Zim panted. Many of these things, he himself was realizing as he spoke them.
"Human, I've been treating you like an enemy until now, but you have been helping me all along. You're the only one who's ever wanted to help me, with nothing in return! Who wasn't also dumb, I mean… Irkens don't have partners but, but if we did, you would be my top choice! Easily! You may be horrible, but you are the least horrible person I know! B-because you're SMART, a-and COOL, and FUNNY, and RUTHLESS, and your FOOD is SO GOOD!, and I... I just don't want this to end".
Zim had no idea what kind of expression the human had on her: his eyes were still firmly shut. The only sound he could hear was that of his own panting.
"I don't want this to end yet. Not like this. I want to go through with this mission, with you. I might have gone mad! The Earth's putrid air might have really infected my brain! But… I also don't care…
"Zim…." Driver finally spoke. "Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, I... I don't want to manipulate you into something you don't want… I can tell you still have doubts… and I mean, I don't really-"
"OH, for the sake of ALL that is TALL!" Zim let out in exasperation.
He opened his eyes, leaped towards Driver, grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a kiss.
He pushed her away again, their lips parting with a loud, gross pop, and stared right into her eyes:
"THERE!" he shouted at her face. "Are you not satisfied yet?! You've JUST made me do the most HUMILIATING THING in my ENTIRE LIFE! At least APPRECIATE IT!"
"A-ah, well, but, I don't know, Zim, I…" she stuttered. "That-that doesn't change that I lied to you! That is just inexcusable!"
"Human, I was lying to you too! There is no hypothetical planet that a hypothetical someone is looking for because they hypothetically lost it in a hypothetical space sack!" he said all in one breath and extremely fast, shaking her by the shoulders like a ragdoll, "It's REAL! And it's ME! I've never actually destroyed the Earth! I accidentally plunged it into a space sack of my own accidental making and now I need the machine to fulfill my mission and do right by the Empire!"
"Oh. But I knew all of that from the start" she said, looking completely unimpressed.
"YOU WHAT?!" Zim exclaimed. "Really?! And you didn't say anything?!"
"I mean, there were a couple of times when you contradicted yourself, so I thought it was just... out? But anyway, I just figured you must have had a good reason to lie" she shrugged.
"But then, wh…" Zim let her shoulders go and took a few steps back. "Then why do you like me so much?! I haven't actually destroyed any planets yet! I mean, I get I'm amazing as I am, but I thought that's why you-"
"Zim, I don't judge people based on their jobs" Driver shook her head. "I know why someone would lie about their past. I don't care. I like you for you! I like that you're confident. That you're smart. You have a good sense of humor. I mean, sometimes you're a bit of a pompous jerk-"
"Am not!"
"-but that has its charm, too. I just like spending time with you, Zim, as a person. Not as an invader".
Zim blinked at her. Huh. No one had ever liked him just because of his personality. This was new.
"Well, uh- in, in ANY CASE! You don't need to pamper me, woman!" he asserted, crossing his arms on his chest. "I know exactly what I want. Plus, this schmoopy, insecure act isn't like you at all! Get a grip! You just killed two old people and set their precious house on fire! And you get to bask in ZiM's presence for the days to come! You should be feeling ecstatic! More than ecstatic!"
Driver stared at him for a few seconds, without saying anything.
Then, a small, sweet smile appeared on her face. She dried her eyes with her palms. She extended one arm, inviting him to come closer.
"Come here. Sit with me for a bit".
Oh, finally she'd turned back to her old self. It had just taken... all of his dignity. And probably, down the line, a good century of his life.
Zim sat to Driver's right, his legs crossed. She passed her arm behind him and rested her hand on his shoulder, stroking it gently.
"I think this is the first time since we met that there are absolutely no lies between us" she said.
"Oh... that's true" he reflected.
"Why did you lie to me about your mission, Zim?" she asked. "I mean, you don't need to answer. But if it's okay with you, I'd like to know".
Zim sighed. What was the point of hiding it now? He'd already humiliated himself plenty. He might as well go all the way.
"I didn't want you to know that I jeopardized my own mission" he answered. "I didn't want you to think that... well, I'm... I'm the most elite of the elitest soldiers, and yet…" he stopped, leaving the rest for her to interpret.
"Oh, Zim" she stroked his shoulder again reassuringly. "I smuggle space weed to earn my living. You think I'd care about someone's status?"
"Heh, no. I suppose no" he chuckled.
"Anyway, it's alright. I'll gladly help you with your mission as much as I can"
"... thank you" he smiled at her.
"Hehe" Driver giggled, "You know, I thought only you were terrible at relationships-"
"HEY!"
"-but as it turns out, I'm terrible at this, too" she continued. "The criminal and the soldier. What a mess… but maybe it's better this way. This way, we can learn not to be terrible together" she spoke calmly and quietly, as if she was lost in her thoughts.
"But if we are to stay together, we need to be absolutely sincere" she added with a firmer voice. "No more lies. No more secrets. If we're going to rely on each other, we must be able to trust each other".
Driver raised her left hand in front of him, her smallest finger stretched up.
"What's with your finger?" he asked.
"Shake it with your own pinkie finger, like you would with a hand. That's how humans make promises" she explained.
Zim looked between her and her hand.
The prospect of being completely honest with someone intimidated him a bit: he'd never been completely honest with anyone. Much less with a human. Being an invader, his own life's calling, required him to lie constantly!
But, looking now at the Driver-human, he found that... maybe, just maybe... if there was ONE person he could ever entrust with his secrets, that was her: she was never judgmental; always comforting, always understanding. And whenever he wanted to say something, she was always ready to listen to him. Sometimes, she seemed even more interested in what he had to say than he was.
And besides, the thought of deceiving her just... didn't sit right by him.
And, making this promise was clearly important to her.
And, if he ever changed his mind, he could always go back on the promise at any moment.
"Alright, human" he agreed. "I promise".
He held out his own pinkie and shook her finger like she'd told him to.
The human pulled him closer to her by the shoulder; she kissed the top of his head, then rested her chin on it.
This was the closest he'd been to her body in days: that closeness made his heart race. Again, he could smell the sweet fragrance of her soap on her skin and on her hair. He could feel her warmth. He could hear her breath going in and out of her chest.
Then, she started to slowly, gently rock her body, lulling him in her embrace.
He closed his eyes. He didn't know why, but that movement was strangely relaxing. It almost suffocated the shame he felt at being in that position, all tangled up with a human.
"Mmm" Driver purred above him. "You know, Zim. What you said earlier sounded an awful lot like a confession"
"Yeah...? That's what you call it when you reveal to someone something you were hiding from them"
"No, I mean a romantic confession"
"... oh" Zim's eyes shot wide open, terrified at the implication of that all. Had he really-
"It's okay. There are certain things that don't need to be said out loud" she chuckled. "I know how it is with your people. This will be our secret. No one has to know".
"Oh, thank Irk…" Zim let out a sigh of enormous relief: for once, he was extremely grateful for her mind-reading abilities.
Maybe he had been watching the thing from the wrong perspective: true... he did, sort of, maybe, kinda LIKE a human after all.
BUT.
If the certified most incredible Irken was feeling such a thing, then... how bad could it really be?
There wasn't exactly a written law against liking someone. It was more of an unwritten social costume. Which was sure to bring you heavy, shameful social stigma. Which was sure to get you demoted from any position you were holding, without any possibility of redeeming yourself. And then after a while you'd probably end up dying under very suspicious circumstances.
BUT.
If he managed to keep it a secret for now, maybe he could slooowly ease it up to his peers, and after he accumulated even more unignorable, amazing accomplishments than he already had, they would have looked past it. Besides, the human was clearly an amazing, unique specimen among her kins: she was so much more awesome than them, she might as well not be considered a human herself. Did he really have to be ashamed of being... involved with her?
Maybe with time, the other Irkens would have accepted it as an unconventional quirk that made him even more lovable. Something that they wouldn't have done themselves, but that was kind of interesting to see on someone else. Like when he'd blown up all of his fellow Invaders!
All in due time, of course.
Zim was used to ignoring or denying whatever part of reality he didn't like, even if it was a part of himself. He was only vaguely aware of it: it was something that he did naturally and instinctively. Like breathing, or blinking.
But ignoring or denying his feelings for the human was clearly not an option: it was just too hard. It was almost painful. His whole being, his mind, his body, had rejected all his attempts at doing that.
On the contrary, embracing them always felt... good. Extremely good. Too good to be real, in fact.
He was tired of being at war with himself. He might as well learn to live with those feelings. Accept them, even. Take the good and ignore the bad, like he always did, but in a different way.
His train of thought was interrupted when Driver started scratching with her nails on his nape, thus sending a pleasant shiver down his spine.
"Hehehe" she giggled. "You couldn't even stay one day without cuddles"
"Er...!" he yelped, embarrassed. "Don't push it now, human!" he hissed.
"Aw, don't be so bashful now" she whispered. "I think that's adorable"
"It's not!"
Her hand moved from his nape to one of his antennae: she picked it between her index and her thumb, and slowly slid her fingers along it. Zim's entire body spasmed, his breath cut short: that had felt extremely intense.
Driver lowered her face and whispered right into his ear:
"I suppose I should thank you properly for saving me today".
With her other hand, she caressed his shoulder; it trailed down across his chest, to his belly.
"You know, no one had ever defended me with such passion and strength".
Her breath tickled his ear, making his body spasm again; he felt his heart skipping a beat in his chest, and his temperature rising, and, weirdly, he also felt a sort of... pleasurable warmth, emanating from his crotch.
Instinctively, he pressed his legs together. He scrambled out of her hug, and she drew back her hands from his antenna and his body.
"Ah, uh- no, I-I feel thanked enough, thank you!" Zim stammered, confused at the yet another brand of weird bodily reaction that Driver's touch had provoked in him.
He gave a quick look down between his legs. Later, when he was alone, he would have probably done well checking that part: it had been spasming way too much lately.
Driver giggled. With a hand, she caressed his cheek and his chin.
"Are you sure? I'm feeling very... affectionate tonight"
"I-I can see that" Zim looked away. "Just kissing is fine! A-and, hugging too, but keep it down with the hands! They're still too intense for me!"
Driver chuckled again. She moved her hand from his chin back to his shoulder, leaned in and kissed him on his forehead, having seemingly given up on... whatever it is that her hands were trying to do.
Then, she turned to look at the burning building.
"It's pretty, isn't it?" she commented. "But I don't think the fire will reach the lighthouse too"
"We should have spread the gasoline there too! Maybe we can hit it with the ship's missiles…" Zim considered.
"I think the outer shell would come down, but I doubt it would do anything for the light or the pillar it's sitting on. I don't think they were built at the same time. Without the lighthouse around it, it looks more like... like Sauron's tower…"
"Like whose tower?" he asked. "Who are these people with absurd names you keep babbling about?"
"I'll show you when you visit my house again. I have the director's cut on USB. It's pirated, so sometimes the Pirate Bay url flashes on the bottom of the screen, but it's still in HD"
Then, out of nowhere, she added:
"Do you believe in magic, Zim?"
Zim, who had completely given up on understanding whatever she was talking about in the first half of her speech, replied directly to her latter question:
"Of course not. That's just a bunch of nonsense"
"But then what kind of light is that?" she wondered. "A light that can be transferred on photos? And where did the storm come from?"
"I don't know. I don't care" he shrugged. "But just because we don't know, it doesn't have to be magic"
"I guess you're right" she murmured.
They watched the building burn for a few more minutes, sitting side by side. Now the walls were coming down under the fire. The flames were so high, they reached past half of the height of the light-house tower behind the main building.
And Zim suddenly felt very, very peaceful, for the first time in weeks. It was like everything was finally in its place.
And suddenly he was very, very grateful to himself, for choosing not to leave this human.
Oh, right. Just one more thing before he could really consider himself at peace...
"... human? Can I ask you something?" he asked.
"Yes?"
"Do I really smell weird to you?"
"Ah, uh…" she smiled awkwardly. "I mean... all alien skins smell a bit weird to me. But yours is not bad! It's a good kind of weird!"
"Oh, yes" he let out, relieved. "Yeah, I get exactly what you mean. You smell weird too, in a good way"
"Hahaha! Thank you!" she laughed.
Driver took his hand in hers and gently squeezed it.
"I think it's time to leave, before the atmosphere fills with smoke"
Zim smiled back at her.
"Can I try to fire one missile at the tower? It's fine if it's just the 'shell', right? Maybe 'The Light' wants it to come down. That way no more creepy weirdos can come live inside of it!"
"Such a thoughtful, caring citizen you are. Gentrifying your local evil, magical dark tower".
She brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.
"Okay, but just one. And I get to fire the second one".