One Night Stand

by OysterChateau

After a night of passion together (sort of), a space-stranded Zim and a wanted human outlaw form a reluctant alliance to achieve their respective goals. But as they work together for their own interests, the feelings from that first night start to resurface... (ZimxOC)

15. The Perfect Gift(To Show You My Squintz)

Zim took a bite out of the Space Bounty he was holding in his hand and sunk back into his chair with a satisfied, content sigh, thinking back to the day he'd just had.

And man, what great, pleasant day it'd been! Truly, he didn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun! The feasting, the ransacking, the ravaging! It really had felt like he was raiding a planet to conquer it, with the sniveling, frightened victims of another planet groveling before his feet, offering him their tributes and their reverence, like he really was the absolute, unquestioned ruler of their planet! Just the memory of it was enough to still fill him with pride and excitement. Oh how he wished he could have spread his havoc further! Or at least, stayed longer!

And of course, the Driver human had played a big part in all of that: he already knew that she could get violent, if not outright scary at times, but this time she'd really caught him by surprise, both with her cunning extortion plan, and, even more, with the absolute, evil glee she'd executed it with; those malicious facial expressions, those swift and precise swings with her club, that confident smug attitude, those exalted focused eyes, just by looking at her it was apparent that she enjoyed bending other people to her whims and causing havoc and destruction almost as much as him.

A small smile escaped his lips as he remembered his favorite moments from their little escapade- her smiles, her threats, her laughter, her touches, her kisses...

Driver, Driver, Driver, even just thinking about her name was enough to make his face blush, and his heart race, and insides flutter, and his crotch burn- alright, there was definitely something wrong with that part of his body; clearly, it wasn't just a random body spasm like he'd initially thought: that same sensation had presented itself several times during that day, usually prompted by the touch of the human, or an excessively intense thought about the human. It was especially weird, because he didn't remember any particularly important part of his body being there; if anything, that was the least vital, useful part of his body. At the same time, it didn't hurt, not exactly, the closest descriptor would have probably been 'uncomfortable and distracting', and yet… he kind of liked experiencing it. For… some reason. So maybe it wasn't that big of a deal after all? More probably, it was just another bizarre organ shift provoked by the human's influence that he needed to get accustomed to: once he got desensitized to it, it would surely, at least for the most part, go away. Surely.

He swung his legs over the chair's edge, trying to mitigate that sensation, and took another bite out of the candy, still thinking about the Driver human. Already, he couldn't wait for another chance to see her face, hear her voice, and talk to her and kiss her- oh, how good it felt to finally be able to fantasize about her without guilt or shame overcoming him! It made him seriously question whether all that resistance on his part had really been worth it.

Munching on the last part of the candy, he looked over a the little monitor on the panel control that displayed the current time: a mere 0:37 am. So almost another eight hours before the human woke from her sleep again.

He look longingly at the door of her chamber at the other end of the ship, and exhaled in frustration. This was so stupid. They were but a couple of rooms apart, yet he couldn't even see her because her primitive body needed recharging. Maybe when she woke up he would have offered to build her a brain battery, like the one in his PAK. Seriously, who in their right mind would have willingly lost a quarter of their life to sleep?

He felt the strong urge to go to her chamber and poke her awake; even a few-minutes-worth talk would have sufficed. He could've asked her how the sleep session was going so far. Perhaps he would've managed to slip in a couple of kisses and caresses too. How much could it really hurt? Yet he knew how essential slumbering was to a human's fragile bodily balance. He'd heard once, if a human were to be suddenly woken up, they'd be at a serious risk of dying. It did sound a bit dramatic, but he dared not taking that chance with Driver.

He crumpled up the empty candy wrapping and tossed it in a can under the panel control. He needed to find something else to keep himself entertained until she woke up. Fair enough! So far, he'd made it perfectly fine without the human, how hard could it be now?

He looked at the control room around him. Playing games? Meh. That dumb, unbeatable, cheating game was burning him out; to his knowledge that was the only game she'd brought along for fear of losing them in an eventual accident. Building a small, simple contraption? But he didn't have the materials to do it. Unless of course he counted the ship around him, but he wasn't sure Driver would have ever given him permission to take her ship apart, even if he promised to put it back together again. For a moment, he even considered just going to sleep for a couple of hours, but he hated the idea of wasting precious time of his life on nothing. Besides, he'd promised the human that he'd guard the ship as a night guard. Perhaps he should have just focused on that task then.

He turned on the radio, keeping the volume low as to not wake the human up, and looked out the windshield of the ship as it auto-piloted itself through space. He lazily rested his chin on his hands, and huffed.

A few minutes in, and already this was boring him out of his mind. Nothing special about that part of space. Nothing worthwhile in sight. Awful alien music on every radio station. He looked over at the clock again: 0:49. Perfect.

"Arrgh! Stupid sleep... stupid... time" he groaned rubbing his eyes.

This sort of thing would never happen back in his base on Earth: there was always something to do, something to worry about, from crafting a scheme to doom the humans, to building machines to doom the humans, to studying the humans to doom the humans, to dooming that one specific human with a big head whose name he refused to even think of. And besides all of that, his base was always so lively: Gir would always be running around, and causing trouble and mayhem that he would then have to repair; and if he ever got bored, he could always entertain an extremely insightful, deep conversation with Minimoose. Or watch tv with Gir, Or ask Computer to entertain him with some sickening, yet fascinating curiosity from the human world. And most importantly, none of them ever needed to sleep: so whenever he needed them, they were always there for him.

Why did Driver have to be the one to need sleep out of all of them?!, he lamented massaging his temples, Couldn't it have been Gir? For, like… sixteen or more hours a day, ideally?

He blocked out the radio's obnoxious music, concentrating of the background noise; or more accurately, the lack thereof: Driver's the ship was empty and quiet, save for the low humming of the engines and the plumbing around him. How she could travel inside of that flying, boring box for days straight, all by herself, was far beyond him.

He focused his eyes on a sun relatively close to their route, and watched it slowly getting a bit bigger the more the ship advanced. And in the meantime, he thought about Gir. He wondered what he was doing at that time. Was he bored too, without a master to give him orders? Nah, he couldn't really picture Gir ever being bored. No matter where he was, he could always find something entertaining to do, a skill he wished he shared right about now. He wondered if Gir ever thought about him, if the short-circuits his insane little mind produced could even be considered 'thinking': did he ever miss his master? Was he trying to somehow reunite with him? Or to complete the mission, if really the Earth had been simply neatly removed from one place to another? And if so... what did he think about his master accidentally leaving him there on that filthy rock in an intraspacial sack?

That thought made Zim's insides churn in discomfort.

No, calm down. Gir definitely didn't have the awareness necessary to think that. Even if he did, a servant should never contest under any circumstances his master's actions! Not even a... massive, abysmal mistake like the one he'd committed.

Zim tried to turn up the horrible alien music, not by much, but enough to concentrate on it and banish those thoughts.

Unfortunately, it didn't work, his mind wandering instead to Minimoose: what about him? He was pretty smart. He was sure the inextinguishable loyalty he'd programmed into him would safely keep him from ever betraying him, but… that didn't mean he couldn't be disappointed in him.

Another uncomfortable churn in his insides, this time stronger. Zim clasped his belly with his hand, trying to keep his organs in their places.

Wait... and what about the Tallest? He'd disappeared with no notice whatsoever with the empty promise of centrifuging the humans out of their own planet, and that plan had backfired in the most spectacularly horrible way possible: not only were the humans still on Earth, they were now somewhere safe, where the Irken Empire couldn't conquer them.

The Tallest surely must have noticed his missed report. What… what if they ever tried to call his base, but he wasn't there to answer? Maybe they'd had already done it… did they think he was dead? Or worse… incompetent?

His anxiety reached an all time peak and he had to physically restrain himself from calling them with the ship's communicating system. He knew that wouldn't have helped him: they would have realized he wasn't on Earth. They would have thought he'd failed and abandoned the super important, secret mission they had assigned to him specifically. And what then? He would have been extremely lucky if they only re-encoded him again.

A shiver of fear ran through his body. He remembered the horrible experience that re-encoding was: cables forcibly plugging into his PAK, the electric waves invading through his body, forcibly removing files and memories and skills from his very mind and replacing them with different, inferior ones.

No!, he shook his head. He was not going to be re-encoded again. The plan was going to work. The machine was going to work.

This type of unpleasant strings of thoughts was the exact reason why he kept himself distracted and busy all the time: when he wasn't, it wasn't rare for strange, unpleasant feelings and thoughts like that to make their way into his mind.

He needed to think about something else, anything else; of course it would have been so much easier to distract himself if only he had someone to talk to-oh, WAIT! Wait up! There was one person he could call right now! How could he have forgotten about him?!

Excited at that new idea, he turned off the radio, quickly typed at the panel control's keyboard and activated the call feature. He typed in the number and on the ship's windshield appeared a holographic black screen.

The ship's speakers produced the sound of a telephone ringing, until finally the call was picked up, and there appeared upon the screen the face of the Vortian Prisoner 777.

"Ah, Prisoner 777", Zim smirked evilly, "we meet again!"

"Uhhh... Zim, you called me" Prisoner 777 pointed out.

"YES!" Zim exclaimed, raising his hands dramatically, "Indeed it was I who called you! ZiM!"

Prisoner 777 stared at him striking his awesome, theatrical pose.

"Yeah, uh… hi, Zim" he finally found the composure to greet him, "What is this abou- Heeey, wait!" he suddenly exclaimed, "You're not on Earth, are you? That's an alien ship you are standing in!" he noted, stretching his neck left and right as if he could better see the room behind Zim's back.

"Did the inversion of the poles plan work? Did you conquer the Earth? Does it mean I can have my children back?!" he pressed, anxiously hopeful.

"Ehhh, uh-the plan- the plan halfway worked!" Zim asserted, nodding his head, "and, uhm, I'm currently on a top-secret journey to complete the other half of the plan!" he explained.

"The other 'half'? What halves?" he inquired, "Are my children okay? Where are they?"

"Uuurghhh!" Zim groaned in annoyance. How could he care about his stupid children, when the amazing great Zim was right in front of him, offering to him his precious attention?

"Your children are safe and sound in my base back on Earth! Don't worry about it!", he dismissed his worries with a wave of a hand, carefully avoiding to add the word 'probably' to his speech, "No, no, I called you to discuss a different very important matter!"

"... which is?"

"IT'S- uh, uhm, uhhh-" oh man. He should have decided on what to talk to him about before he called him.

Then, he got an idea.

"Oh, OH! Have you heard, 777?" he gloated, resting proudly his hands on his hips, "I found the Irken Empire their very first human infiltrator-ally!"

"Ah... really? Wow, Zim..." Prisoner 777 was so impressed, he could but whisper in a monotone tone.

"Oh, yes! You should see her! She-I mean, not now. She's sleeping right now, in the back. You know how sleeping creatures are. Vortians sleep, like? Pretty pathetic. But anyway, she's truly an outstanding member of her species!"

"Is she?"

"'IS SHE'?! Hah! Oh, yes SHE IS! She isn't at all like all the other humans! For one, she has such refined facial features! And her hair is so shiny and long and well-groomed! On other people it looks so disgusting and oily, but not her! It even smells good!" he flailed his arms around in excitement, "And she cooks so well! It doesn't even taste like food! You know, I've been having trouble eating anything that isn't cooked by her- it all tastes just so dull in comparison! And when she kills- oh you should see how skillfully she uses that gun!", and he closed his fists in the shape of guns to demonstrate her technique, "It's like- she points it at her enemies, and she kills them!"

"Yeah, Zim, that's... that's what guns do"

"I know, but it's so cool when she does it! That woman has style! Heh, you know" he then continued in a lower, even smugger voice, "she has sworn her eternal loyalty to me. She's still kinda iffy about being my slave, though. But don't worry, I'm slowly warming her up to the idea, and I'm sure she'll accept the end! She's accompanying me on my mission to conquer the Earth! Hah, yeah, heard that? She would even betray her own people for me. And soon, she will be joining the Irken Empire itself as a valuable, talented asset to its army! Still by my side, of course" he spoke, gradually puffing more and more his chest with pride.

"You... called me to talk about your new girlfriend?" Prisoner 777 asked, an expression of annoyance on his face, "To be perfectly honest, Zim, I'm extremely uncomfortable with all of-"

"Girlf-!" Zim jumped in horror, "who said anything about romanc-y?! Me, having a girlf-friend?! Ew! Just EW! It's- I would never do such a thing! All that kissing, a-and touching, and emotional connection, and- how dare you even imply such a disgusting thing?! Puah! Things between us two are strictly plato-professional! Get it?! Don't tell anyone!"

"Okay-OKAY, Zim, I get it, I got that wrong! Sorry!" Prisoner 777 tranquilized him, putting his hands up defensively.

"Hmpf!" Zim pouted, crossing his arms on his chest in disapproval, "Yeah, that's right! You're wrong! What would you know about romance anyway?!"

"Eh... well... I did use to be married, you know?"

"... you did?"

"Yeah? You have my kids, Zim. Where did you think they came from?"

"EW!" Zim cringed in disgust, "Evidently, my brilliant mind had repressed such a revolting consideration!"

"But, uh..." he then continued more calmly, "what do you mean 'used to'? Is she dead?"

"Wow, Zim. I thought even you would have a bit more tact-"

"Just answer!"

"… no, uh… we're… divorced" Prisoner 777 sighed dejected.

"'Dee-vorced?" Zim repeated, "what's that mean?"

"… it means she left me, Zim" he clarified, hissing through gritted teeth.

"She left you?" Zim asked in surprise, "That can happen?!"

"Yeah, Zim. Divorces happen all the time. What are you, Catholic?"

"Am I what?"

"What?"

They stared at each other in confusion for a few seconds.

Then, Zim decided to just drop that point and continue:

"So… she left you"

"Yes, Zim. She left me" Prisoner 777 murmured.

"Hah!" Zim scoffed, "That's so pitiful! You must feel reeeeeeally bad about it, don't you?"

"You know, Zim, I'm still taking pills over that-"

"Oh yeah, that's very interesting!" Zim cut him off dismissively, "Tell me, though… just out of pure, morbid curiosity… why did she leave you?"

"Zim, I don't see why I would ever talk to YOU about that of all peop-"

"And I don't see why I shouldn't chuck your children down an active volcano's crater!" Zim spat.

Prisoner 777 let out another defeated sigh.

"I guess it was mainly because of my job"

"Your job?" Zim repeated, "What, were you bad at it?"

"No, Zim" Prisoner 777 pouted, "If anything, I was too good at it. Before you Irkens betrayed us, I used to be a very respected engineer. But oh, it was very stressful. I guess, uh-", he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, "My responsibilities were so much, I became anxious and apathetic towards her. In the end, we did nothing but arguing and fighting. I admit I might… have taken out my stress on her a bit. I'm not proud of that".

Zim's antennae lowered behind his head. He hated to draw a comparison between him and a Vortian, but… that did remind him of himself and Driver.

But that's okay, he reassured himself, we've moved well past it! I apologized! … sort of. We're not like them! Everything is fine between us!

"Hah, I see, and, uh… she… left you for that?" he forced out a smile.

Prisoner 777 nodded, all saddened at that memory.

"One day, without any notice, she simply said I wasn't romantic like I used to be, and that the spark had went out", he continued; clenching his fists in an unusual expression of anger, he added, "Then she left off and abandoned me and the kids for a physicist. What does a physicist even do, besides scribbling on blackboards? What kind of mother leaves her children for a ph-"

"Wait, wait, wait a second! What does 'romantic' mean exactly, here?" Zim interrupted him.

"Eh... well, uh, you know… doing stuff for your lover, I guess? Like, stuff that makes them love you even more. Like taking them out to dinner, or on a vacation. Or giving them presents! Women especially are very sensitive about that stuff. They really like to be surprised. Otherwise, they get bored after a while", Prisoner 777 threw his arms up in frustration, "I guess enjoying each other's company wasn't enough anymore! I still can't believe she would-"

As Prisoner 777 went on with his boring monologue, Zim realized with dread that he'd never done anything romantic for Driver. She, on the other hand? Doing surprising stuff for him that made him… uh… more attracted to her? Yes! Oh, yes all the time! When was the last time he had surprised her? He found himself even more terrified, realizing that he couldn't recall a notable example of that.

"Well, but- if… if I were doing something wrong, she would notify me, right? Eh- I mean!" he scrambled to correct his mistake, "I'm using the collective 'I' here, of course! Not, hehe, not me specifically, of course!"

"It depends" Prisoner 777 shrugged, "Women do prefer more receptive men. They aren't very direct, and they appreciate a partner that can understand their true state of mind even when they put up a facade. But you know!", he continued with a more positive intonation, "My therapist says that our relationship ended because of both of us! She should have also been empathetic towards my struggles, and above all, communication is key. You should always tell your partner if you have a problem with them, otherwise-"

"Yes! I get it now!" Zim exclaimed at his sudden revelation, "Your wife was right! All you did to her was terrible! No wonder she left you!"

"You know, Zim. Next time I have a therapy session, I should just put it on your bill. How about that?"

"You do look like you need therapy" Zim convened.

"Does that mean I can go now?" Prisoner 777 said with a small, hopeful smile.

"Uh-no, wait! Why don't you stay a little longer and uhhhhh- oh! Look!" he held out his hand in front of the screen, "The human showed me this silly little game that you do with your hands! We hold out our hands like this and shake them three times saying 'rock, paper,-"

"Is anything you're going to tell me gonna give me back my children?"

"Nope!"

"Then I seriously must go, Zim. My traumas don't tell themselves the therapist"

"No, wait, don't-"

Prisoner 777 pressed a button in the bottom corner of the screen and cut out the transmission. And just like that, he was alone again in the empty, quiet space ship.

Zim slowly sunk back into his chair, disappointed by the end result of the call: it had had the opposite effect to what he'd intended, increasing his anxieties instead of lowering them.

He collected his legs to his chest and hugged them tight with his arms. So, great. The one thing he thought was going great for him was actually not going good at all! Now that he thought about it, it was so obvious that it would end like this. He didn't know much about romantic relationships- he had studied them a bit back when he was pretending to be with Tak, and he knew there were certain roles the members of a couple needed to perform for them to work, but he wasn't at all prepared to be in an actual one. And yes, he wasn't actually in love with Driver- Irkens couldn't love after all. If there was an Irken way to define how he felt about her, it was more like…. 'squintz'! Yeah, he was in squintz with her!- but from her human perspective they were lovers, or at least something very similar to that. Ergo, it wasn't much of a stretch to think she'd expect him to act like one.

Zim felt his heart pounding in his chest from his apprehension. Was it possible, that underneath her happy smile Driver was actually unsatisfied with him? And that one day, out of nowhere, she would just leave, telling him that he wasn't good enough for her, like Prisoner 777's wife had done?

No!, Zim denied to himself, ZiM is amazing! You're nothing like that pathetic Vortian! No one in their right mind would ever think of leaving you!

Is that why you're always alone?, a cruel voice mocked him from inside his mind.

He trembled, shaken by that horrible, absolutely baseless thought. It didn't matter to him if he was alone. Which he wasn't, anyway! He had Driver! Save for her sleeping hours, she was always there when he needed her, to help him, or talk to him, or listen to him, or play, cook, kiss, rob, destroy, hug, anything!… while he did nothing for her.

With a sudden movement, he distended his legs out, sitting upright on the chair.

He needed to pay her back. He needed to make up for all the times he'd taken out his frustrations on her. And he needed to do it quickly! It could have been too late by that point and he wouldn't have even known: he couldn't afford to lose her too!

He opened the ship's internet, and typed 'romantic relationship' in the search bar: the next day, he would to prove to her that he could be (or, well, act like) the perfect love-worm-pig, no matter what.

After several hours, he finally heard the alarm clock in Driver's chamber go off; he eagerly positioned himself right next to the door, standing on the tip of his toes with anticipation. A few seconds later, the door slid open, revealing a very sleepy-looking human behind it.

He was so happy and relieved at finally meeting her, awake and aware, that he greeted her with a little more enthusiasm and loudness than he intended:

"GOOD MORNING, HUMAN!", he shouted.

"Wah!" the human made an alarmed jump backwards, leaning against the doorframe, hand darting to her chest.

As she looked down to him, realizing what the source of that shout had been, she immediately calmed down and relaxed.

"G-Good morning, Zim. God, don't stay in front of the door like that! You almost gave me a heart attack!" she reprimanded him with a smile.

"Surprised, weren't you?" he grinned, mentally taking note of that first earned point, "Did you enjoy your session of biologically required sleep?"

"Yeahhh" her mouth opened in an adorable yawn as she massaged her eyes, "I think I dreamt something, but I don't remember it..."

"Aw, that's too bad. Hopefully next time you'll be able to remember your sleep-induced hallucinations" and as he said that, he opened with the click of a button on the wall the door to the kitchen.

"C'me on in, let's have breakfast!" he invited her in.

The human looked pleasantly surprised to see that already he had predisposed the bowls, the cereal box, and the milk on the table.

"Aw, how nice of you!" she commented, "it's all already in its place!"

Before she could even take one step in, he darted to her usual chair, disengaged it from the floor and pulled it back for her to sit; the human stopped to look at him, amused and surprised.

"What's… going on?"

"Breakfast! Provided that you do take a seat" he shook the chair to encourage her to come forth.

Hesitant but smiling, the human came and stood between the chair and the table; he delicately pushed the chair under her, and she sat on it. Maneuver perfectly executed. He had done well exercising it a few times beforehand.

Moving quickly, he jumped on his own chair and while standing on it started pouring the milk in the bowls.

"Oh, no, Zim, you don't have to do that-"

"Don't worry! It's no hustle! ZiM is awesome in the kitchen, you know!" he reassured her.

"Oh, really? Is that why you're pouring the milk before the cereal?" she smirked.

"Eh-" he stopped lifted the carton back up, "I'm doing it the wrong way?"

"Nah, it's just a joke. To be honest, it's kind of a guilty pleasure of mine. Say, what else can you cook?"

Having finished pouring the milk, he proceeded to fill the bowls with cereal.

"Well, uh..." he reflected, "Sandwiches, and... fried stuff"

"Ah, cereal, sandwiches, and fried food. The three staple foods of the single man" she chuckled.

"Good thing I'm neither of those things, then" he retorted, "You know, I once baked a cake too, with- ehhh. Chocolate. And flour", he managed to correct himself before the word 'Gir' could escape his mouth.

When he was finally done, with the bowls, he sat back on his chair and they both started eating.

"No but seriously, why did you prepare breakfast today?" she said, munching on a spoonful of cereal.

"It's just part of our alliance contract" he waved his spoon in the air, "Shiphold duties should be equally shared by the members!"

"Awwww!" she cooed, "You are so cute when you act that formal!"

Zim lowered his eyes, blushing.

"I-I just like to do things the right way is all" he mumbled.

"I know, and I agree" she nodded. "Equal sharing is very nice"

"Oh, but this is not the only thing I prepared for today!"

The human lifted her head up in curiosity, and he drew out of his PAK the sheet of paper upon which he'd written the plan for that day.

"See, while you were asleep, I took the liberty to plan out the perfect Squintz Day, fitting as many squintz-activities in the span of the next twenty-four hours! It only took me five hours! Here we start with-"

"Wait up!" she lifted a hand, "What's a 'squintz'?"

"Oh, it's just when you enjoy a person's company and worry about their well-being!"

"Isn't that just 'lov-"

"HERE, we start with a stroll around the park of Yur. Now, Yur is four galaxies from here, so provided that we can maintain the maximum speed this ship can travel at, we should be there in five hours. That means we'll have a whole TEN minutes for the stroll, which we're going to have to perform at a walking velocity of 50 miles per hour-"

"Do we have to travel that far for a walk?"

"It's the closest park to where we are now!"

"Ah"

"Now luckily for us, a planet in that same galaxy hosts a big mall where a variety of activities will be possible! Here in order are, drinking a milkshake, bowling, cinema, interpretative dancing-"

"Woah, you mean. All in one day?"

"It will be very well possible, performing each of them in an average time of 1.263 minutes!" he nodded, "That will give us time to travel back two galaxies and enjoy about fifteen minutes on the beach of Tuccin. Now I know what you're thinking: Tuccin's beach is artificial. BUT, consider this: actual sea water is gross. And they also have a fake full moon to illuminate it, much shinier than a natural one, under which we-"

"Wait, Zim, let me stop you for a moment" she interrupted him, "It's very impressive that you managed to fit an entire week's plan in one day, don't get me wrong, but… today is Market Day. Remember? We have to work and buy the parts for the machine. No?"

"… Zim? Zim, are you there?"

"Eh, ah- er... yeah! Yeah, I- I totally remembered that, of course, hahaha!" he snapped out of his momentary catatonic state, fitting the sheet back into his PAK, "eh, are you... sure there isn't a beach near Tiyo's market?"

"Not really, buuut, there are still some fun things to do there anyway! The food for one is very good. And the market is very pretty at night! They turn on all these little lights, and there's less people walking, it's quite charming! We can still have a stroll there, after we're done shopping! I was thinking, first we should go buy the legal stuff in the mechanics area, like the ship, and the cathodic… psycho-somethings..."

Zim listened attentively to her describing what their actual day was going to be like (listening was apparently a question of life and death in relationships), pretending to be fine and smiling, but deep down he felt extremely anxious that once again she was the one taking the initiative. She didn't seem to mind, sure, but… what if she was just pretending like he was?

Still, no need to get so discouraged! The day was still long, and this was just a small slip in the scope of the Big Climb to Perfect Relationshiphood he was going to make that day! Shopping was after all on the list of couple-typical things to do. His great mind would have surely adapted to the situation and come up with other ideas to impress her!

They arrived at the market shortly after their meal -and Zim of course volunteered to wash the dishes, even though he absolutely loathed that activity with every fiber of his being, much to the human's surprise and praise.

He was surprised to see that Tiyo wasn't actually a planet like he'd imagined, but rather a giant artificial platform of irregular shape placed in the middle of space and under a sun's light; according to Driver, it slowly spun on itself like a planet, in order to simulate a day-night circle.

The human directed the ship towards it, and docked at the nearest harbor on the platform's edge.

As they boarded off, descending the ship's outer stairs, the market reminded him a lot, on first impact, of Ghjitif 89-r, as it was heavily crowded with many different alien species, and with no tall buildings inside; other than that though, they were completely different: the climate was much chiller, the sky had a pinkish hue to it, and above all, everybody, from the customers to the sellers behind the stands, was screaming at the top of their lungs in a horribly loud, hellish cacophony. It was gonna take a while before his ears got used to all that noise after having spent so much time on Driver's quiet ship.

"Oookay", the human drew a map of the place from the back pocket in her pants and spread it open. "The mechanics section is to the east. They'll probably have practically everything that we need there. You got the monies, right?"

"I do" Zim confirmed, shaking the suitcase that the Krassmann had given him. "You know, as I was counting them I noticed that some of the bills have blood stains on them"

"Ooh, how generous of him! You know, in the illegal area blood stained monies are worth even more than their normal value!"

"Oh. Uh... I guess. Very nice indeed" Zim muttered. If she hoped he would ever thank the Krassmann explicitly, she was sorely mistaken.

"Well, then", folded the map and handed it to him, "You go there, and I'll look for the magnet and the small planet in the illegal area"

"… you mean… separately?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yeah, sure. If we don't split up up, it'll take forever!"

Zim began shaking.

No, no, no! If they split up, how could he prove his worthiness to her? He needed to stay by her side at any cost!

"Wait, human, don't you think it would be dangerous to go alone?" he tried.

"Pfff, please!" she chuckled, "I've been there other times! Just because the goods are stolen it doesn't mean-"

"HUMAN!" staring to her eyes, he channeled all of his strength into his hand, and used it to grab her free one, "I-I… eh… wanna… be with you" he managed to utter out.

Driver stared back at him for a moment; then, her expression melted in a touched smile.

"Oh my God, Zim. You're adorable" she squealed.

"Just lead the way!", he hissed.

"Sure. Come" she smiled, squeezing his hand and pulling him into the mechanics area's direction.

He blushed, embarrassed and overwhelmed by the close contact of their hands; he knew it was necessary, though: it was the only acceptable form of Pee Dee Ay they could engage in.

They walked along the harbor, headed towards the crowded streets of the market, delimited by stands and tents and shops of all kinds and shapes. As they finally entered the market proper, Zim took in a big breath, and holding up the human's hand he started screaming:

"BEYOLD, YOU PUNY ALIEN PEOPLE. I am ZiM! And THIS! IS MY. PERSONAL. HUMAN! NOW BOW! BOW BEFORE HER SUPERIOR FIGURE!"

The crowd in front of them turned to look at them in confusion. He looked up with satisfaction at the human, who was displaying a very awkward smile on her face.

"Heh... hel… looo" she murmured; then, she pulled Zim through the street, face down as the crowd still stared at them.

"Zim, what was that?!" she whispered to him.

"I announced your arrival!" he grinned.

"Why?! No one cares I'm here!"

"They should! You are ZiM's human, of course-"

"Yeah, I know, Zim, we're awesome, but please don't shout like that in public" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"Ooo-kay, human!" he agreed, though he didn't really understand her point.

The subsequent portion of the day ended up being pretty tedious and underwhelming: just a whole bunch of looking for the right store, looking for the right object, and standing in queue for the right object. So basically, everything those sites he'd visited about the boredom that shopping involved had turned out to be true.

At the end of each purchase, the human asked for the objects to be shrunk to a minuscule size, so that she could comfortably place and carry them inside of an envelope until they reached the hidden lab.

He supposed he should have been excited to see the pieces of his machine finally, concretely coming together- and he was, sure, but not as much as he could; truth to be told, the human occupied most of his mind at the moment: the market simply didn't provide as many chances to perform coupley activities like say a beach, or a park, or even a sofa could. All that he could to in such a public place was holding her hand, while the other couples around them shared kisses, and hugs, and other effusions; he genuinely couldn't tell if he'd just grown more sensitive to detecting couples, or if they'd all somehow manifested overnight just to spite them, because he didn't remember ever seeing that many in one place.

One chance to finally show off in front of her presented itself as they made their way to the illegal area of the market, in the afternoon: he'd been shooting hostile looks to anybody who dared to look too much at Driver all day, but this one guy here had the gall to keep staring at her even after his ocular warning.

His retaliation was repentine, as he threw himself onto the guy, grounding him.

"Stop gawking at her, you PEEPER!" he shouted, drawing out the lasers out of his PAK, "You want me to fry your BRAINS, uh?!"

But before he could blast his utterly confused and frightened face off, the human picked him up from behind and ran away with him, yelling an embarrassed "Sorry!" as they fled.

Once they were far from the scene, in an empty side alleyway, the human put him down and bent over him with a somewhat scared and upset face:

"What the FRESH HELL was that?!" she hissed, "Are you trying to get us arrested?!"

"I just defended your honor, woman!" he protested, "That creep was staring at you like he was going to jump at you at any moment!"

"He was ALL eyes, Zim! He had eyes all over his BODY pointing in EVERY direction!"

"See? Creepy. You're very welcome, human" he nodded with proud satisfaction.

The human narrowed her eyes at him, at placed her hands on her hips.

"You're acting weird, Zim"

"Noooo… what are you talking about, Driver? I've always been like that! Thoughtful, caring, attentive, emotionally aware, and-"

The human kicked his shin, causing a wave of unimaginable, stinging pain all throughout his leg.

"OW! THAT HURT! THAT REALLY HURT, YOU BIG HAIRY JERK!" he shrilled, curling on the ground around his hurt leg.

"Oh, hello, Zim. Glad to have you back. Where had you been?" she asked in a sarcastic voice.

Zim frowned at her through his teary eyes. Slowly, he sat up on the ground, trying to get back on his feet, still holding fast the point in his leg that she'd kicked.

"I'm trying to be nice to you, you arrogant, ungrateful little-" he growled.

"Tell me the truth, drama queen" she interrupted him, "This has to do with what you talked about with that person last night, doesn't it?"

"Wha-with WHOM?" he yelled, completely taken aback.

"I heard you speaking to someone last night, right before I fell asleep. Did that call upset you?"

"Eh... uh... no! I didn't call anyone! It was just the radio! I uhhhh... like... talking... to the radio" he stammered, straightening his back back up.

The human narrowed her eyes again in a suspicious expression.

"Is that so?" she asked.

He hated and loved at the same time how smart she was so, SO much!

"...Yeah" he blurted out, looking away from her uncomfortably.

"Okay, then" she breathed out, "My bad. But still. Stop acting so… clingy. And on edge. We have a very important job to do. And I don't wanna be banned by another market, okay? Let's go" and with that, she turned around and walked away.

Zim hastily followed her, looking down at his feet. Had he messed up again? He didn't understand. He'd followed the instructions he'd found on the internet perfectly. Why hadn't she appreciated his efforts? Was she just extremely odd, perhaps?

He sneakily looked up at her: she was walking fast and secure, chin high, tall, and confident. She had smarts and looks. She liked her job and she knew how to do it well. She was a pretty outstanding person in every way. Surely if the amazing Zim were to ever have a squintz-partner, she had to be the most eligible person ever for that position!

And yet… the question at this point wasn't if she was worthy of him. Rather, the opposite.

He wondered what such a person could think of him as he was now. Homeless, insecure, anxious, on the brink of losing his job and his prestige. None of the likely answer he imagined were positive ones.

Zim looked up at the human, and all at once he felt a strong urge to both run from her and embrace her. He desperately wished to hold onto her, and yet felt completely unworthy of that. Suddenly, he felt alone as ever, even more alone than when she'd been asleep the night before.

He felt a heavy weight planting itself in his chest, like he'd just swallowed a big, hard rock.

He squeezed his eyes shut, but of course that did nothing to vanquish that horrible sensation. He hated it. It hurt so, so bad. What could he do to make it stop?

"Human?" he called her.

"Yes?" she turned to him.

"Nothing!", he looked away, as if he was surprised that him calling for her had actually worked.. "Nothing at all" he murmured.

What was he even supposed to tell her? That he didn't feel adequate for her? Then of course she would leave him! He couldn't just grovel at her feet for help like that. He needed to be strong if he wanted to keep her by his side. He needed to be strong for his mission, and he needed to be strong to have Gir and Minimoose back. He just needed to have a little more patience, work hard, and then, once he succeeded, that terrible sensation would have vanished in thin air, like it was never there in the first place. Probably.

One victory. I just need one victory, and then I'll feel good and confident again!, he told himself.

He needed to do something for her, anything to impress and surprise her. Maybe a gift? They were in a market, after all. But what could he-

"Oh, here we are!", the human interrupted his train of thought.

She pulled on his hand again, leading him forward faster. At first he didn't understand what that was all about; then, he looked up at the stand she was dragging him to, and for a moment his eyes widened in complete and utter shock: a stylized Irken face, like the ones his people commonly used to decorate buildings and ships, was on top of the stall, the colors faded and blackened. But as his eyes trailed down, it appeared obvious that the stand had nothing Irken to it except its sign: the saleswoman under it, for one, was decisively not Irken: a chubby, tall-as-Driver, woman with pink skin, fuzzy purple hair and one central eye. It came up to him: that was probably the stand of smuggled Irken goods he and Driver had talked about.

"Oooh, hello there!" the woman exhibited a friendly, sharp-teethed smile to them, "'see anything that interests you?"

"Hi!" Driver returned her smile, "He needs a new shirt. This one has a burnt sleeve"

"Sure! What size do you need, little fella?" the woman bent towards him.

Zim shrunk, crept out by the kind woman's creepy appearance.

"Well, I wear a T, but-"

"Yessir! I have that in seven colors!" the woman beamed, pointing at a pile of Irken uniforms on the counter between them.

"Pick whichever one you want!" Driver encouraged him, excited, "I was looking forward to giving you a present!"

"A present? For whom?!" he squeaked.

"For you, silly!"

His already distressed heart skipped a beat. He felt he was going to barf right onto her lap any second now.

"You don't need to give me a present" he hissed, "I can buy my own shirt!"

"I insist, Zim! You burnt yours while you were repairing my ship, it's the least I can do!"

"No, uh-" he looked at the two women staring with eager glee at him. Were all females always like that, and he just had never noticed?!

"I don't. Need. A new shirt", he slowly spelled out for her. "You can't even see the-"

"Of course you do!" she cut him off, "I'm NOT letting my man walk around with half his clothes burned on!"

"It's not half, it's barely even a quarter!" Zim protested.

"I don't get it. Why are you even arguing about this?" Driver huffed. "Whatever. If I buy it as a gift, you will have to wear it"

"I don't want a gift from you!" he growled.

Driver stared at him in offended surprise.

"You know what? I'll buy this for me. And if you ever change your mind, you can wear it. I'll take the pink one, thanks" she turned back to the saleswoman.

"Don't worry!" the saleswoman chuckled, "Mine gets all grumpy during the shopping too!"

'Mine'? 'Mine' WHAT?!, Zim narrowed his eyes at her.

The saleswoman put the shirt into a plastic bag, and handed it over to Driver after she placed the monies on a small plate on the counter.

"While you are here, would you like to take a look at something else?" the saleswoman proposed, "Uh! I have some exclusive SIR units here!"

Zim's antennae perked up. Sir Uni-

The saleswoman picked up a small metal box from the counter; on its top and it stretched out to reveal its internal robotic body: a SIR unit with big glowy green eyes, which then jumped from her hands and landed on the counter, giving him and Driver a little, polite brow.

Zim wished that somebody would just come in and drop a nuclear bomb on all of their heads.

"Okay, to be honest, they don't have any of the original Irken programming and weapons. Those are impossible to find. So it's just the outer shell. BUT, they can still do a bunch of stuff! Like cooking, or babysitting! This one dances! Dance, Sir!" the woman nudged the little robot on its bottom: it started doing a cute little 'dance' (more like a series of uncoordinated, ungraceful moves) , flailing his little limbs around.

"Awwww!" Driver cooed, "Is Gir a robot like this one? How cute!"

Yeah... well... Gir is... way more advanced than that. And he dances better, he thought, but felt too weak to let out one word. Hearing someone utter Gir's name aloud had made him feel even more nauseous.

"Well, what about it, mister?" the saleswoman smiled at him.

Zim clenched his fists and gave her a nasty glare.

"I don't need a SIR unit! I already have a perfectly good one! A real, ferocious one, that actually kills and maims my enemies!" he growled.

"Ooh, my bad" the woman kept on smiling, untouched by his aggressiveness, "Still, I have a lot of things you might need! Spare legs and guns for your PAK for example? They aren't original, but they are compatible with all Irken PAKs! Oh, by the way" she then leaned on the counter, "You two are very cute together. I've never seen an Irken with a companion. It really warms my heart, you know? Irkens are such loners. You were very lucky, getting involved with such a cutie! Don't let her get away, uh?" she winked at him.

Driver chuckled back, flattered, while he flinched uncomfortably. Why did she have to be so polite with everyone around her?

"Say, would you be interested perhaps in doing business with me from time to time?" she continued, "I know it's risky, but I'd pay you well! I can always use the help of a renegade Irken to help me smuggle some new stuff!"

His jaw dropped all at once, hearing the word "renegade" being applied to him. Normally, he would have fiercely shouted in protest at such a horrible accusation, but instead he found himself at a complete loss of words.

He simply stared at her like that, mouth agape, eyes wide open, like a fish out of water.

Driver's telepathic powers must have sensed something was aloof, because she immediately barged in:

"Thanks, lady, that'll be all. Bye", she cut the conversation on, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him away.

When they were far enough from the stand not to be heard, Driver asked worriedly:

"Zim... are you okay?" she asked, "Can you tell me what's going on?"

Zim kept his eyes glued to the ground. Slowly, he looked at the brand new plastic bag she was holding in the other hand, with the present in it.

"Zim?", she shook his hand. "Zim, look at me"

He took a deep breath. He looked up, forcing out an expression as neutral as possible.

The human was staring at him, looking worried and concerned.

"Man, you look pale. Are you feeling sick?" she asked.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"You don't look well, to be honest"

"I feel fine, human" he nodded.

He retreated his hand from hers.

"Driver, can you buy the rest of the required parts on your own? I just remembered I have an errand to run on my own"

"What? What errand?"

"Just personal, private, top-secret, official Irken Invader stuff" he shrugged. Then he opened up the suitcase, in order to give her half of the monies in it.

"Ah..." she said, uncertain, "Okay... but... are you sure you don't wanna be there? Isn't it better if you choose the-"

"It's fine! I trust in your judgment. You were gonna go there alone anyway, no?" he handed over two big stacks of bills.

The human extended her hand, and reluctantly took them.

"Yeah… okay, I guess, but... if something wasn't alright, you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Of course" he confirmed, taking one step back.

"Well alright. Text me on the communicator when you are done. And be careful to conmen! There are a lot here!"

"Sure. See you later, human", and turned around, walking quickly and away from the human.

Alright, so. He hadn't expected at all for her to buy him a present: that meant the scales were even more tipped against him now.

He seriously needed to up his game in those last few hours. What could he do? What more romantic things could he do there? She'd said she would have liked to walk there at night, as she liked the view. Oh! Maybe he could have taken her someplace high to look the market from. But there weren't buildings high enough for that! No problem, though, he could easily get around that. Would have the simple night lights sufficed? How could he improve on those? Maybe some explosives? Yes, not a bad idea!

But above that, he need a present. Present, present, present. What could he give her? Another cat? Flowers? Chocolate?

He looked around as he followed backwards the street through which they'd come there, and couldn't see anything that conformed to her tastes.

Maybe I should just buy some alko-hol and drink until I forget who I am. It felt pretty good last time I did it...

"Hey, kid!" a voice called loudly behind him, "Kid! You shouldn't stray away from your mom like that! It's dangerous in here!"

Zim turned to his side: a bug-like, orange-skinned alien with a weird, purple hat on his head was calling him from inside a weird, shady dark tent.

Was he talking about Driver?

"That's not my 'mom'! We look nothing alike!"

"Oooh, I see. Well, if she wants to sell you, the children market is that way over there", he pointed behind Zim's shoulders. "Trust me kid. The people who pay are much better than the ones that have to resort to kidnapping!"

"I am an ADULT" Zim's frown and voice deepened.

"... alright, sir" the shady salesman joined his ugly bug-hands and smiled at him, "We've clearly started off the wrong foot. Let me start over. How can I help you, sir?"

"By shutting up and leaving me alone", Zim spat and turned again.

"No, no, wait sir! My stand is a special one! I have the most varied collection of goods in this market, here to satisfy the need of any kind of client! Say what you want and I'll probably have it! An antennae groomer? High-heeled boots? Or maybe a little something for your... lady friend?"

Zim stopped, turning back at him.

"Like... what?"

The salesman grinned widely at him.

"Well, it depends. What kind of stuff does she like?"

"Ehhh…. flowers? Cats? But she already has all that stuff"

"How about some womanly products? Those always come in handy!"

"You... have them?" Zim looked at the sign hanging on top of the tent. "The name of your shop is 'the garbage corner'"

"That's what my people call women on my planet!"

"That sounds... pretty offensive" Zim considered, "besides, wasn't your shop for all kinds of people?"

"Oh my!" the salesman gasped indignant, "You don't think women are people?!"

"Well I do, but-"

"Then come on pal! You and the lady seemed so close! I'm sure a smile on her face will bring a smile on yours, my depressed-looking friend!"

"I'm not-eh, well- the first part is kinda true. But I find it kinda hard to believe that she'll like something just because of her sex"

Still, there might've been truth to what that extremely untrustworthy-looking alien was saying. On Irk, differences between males and females were pretty much only aesthetic, but he knew that didn't hold true for a lot of other species.

Zim took a few, cautious steps towards the tent.

"Oooh, trust me, there are certain things all women like! Like looking pretty and clean. Look here, I got hair shampoo, hair decorations, nail polish, perfume, make-up, birth control..."

The salesman listed the products' names as he drew them from under his counter, laying them above it, where Zim could see them. They looked pretty abhorrent to him: most of them were pink, flashy and glittery. However… he did know those characteristics were associated with girls on Earth. And Driver did like being pretty and clean. So maybe this shady old guy was telling the truth?

"You seem to know a lot about women…" Zim said.

"Ah, see, on my planet there are twenty-nine genders, and seventeen of them are girls!"

"That doesn't make a lot of sense-"

"Oh yes, our sex is very complicated to foreigners! You know, at least five genders must be present, and then-"

"THANKS. You've made your point!" Zim interrupted him, already shuddering with disgust.

"So what do you say, pal? You buyin' or not?" the bug-man showed him a hideous, sly smile.

Zim looked down at those pink objects. They did look terrible to him, but humans functioned pretty differently. Sure, he'd never seen Driver use things like those, but maybe this was for the best: she would have been even more surprised once she received them as presents! Maybe this fortuitous encounter was a message from the Universe that yes, actually: he was still, in fact, utterly awesome!

Zim smiled with newfound excitement and relief, picking up the suitcase to draw out the monies.

"Oh, right!" he suddenly remembered, "Where can I find some explosives?"

Zim spent the next few hours preparing to meet Driver again; when it was time for their appointment, the platform had completely turned on itself: the sky had turned dark, many of the stands were closed, less people were around, and little lamps hanging from the stand and tents everywhere had been lit.

He picked a relatively isolated place at the limit between the legal and illegal area to wait for her, a small little clearing among the closed shops, and texted her his position when he was ready. Grasping the edge of bag with the presents in his little hands, he could barely contain his excitement: what he had in store for her was sure to swipe her off her feet! First the view, then the presents, then- oh, man, the face she would have made! It would have been priceless!

Driver arrived at the place punctually, and greeted him with an enthusiastic, sweet smile that melted his anxious heart.

"Oooh, what's in that bag, Zim?" she asked as she got close to him.

"Hehehe!" he chuckled, holding the bag out for her to see. A few more minutes, and that awful day would have turned in an amazing one. He couldn't just couldn't wait anymore! "You'll see! Oh how you'll see!"

"You seem in a much better shape now. Did what you bought make you happier...?"

Zim didn't answer, looking around instead to make sure that no one was watching them. Having ensured that, he drew an old-fashioned carpet out the bag and laid it on the ground. He sat down on it, being careful to keep his body and the bag inside its edges.

"Human, would you do me the favor of", he patted the space next to him, "sitting next to me on this carpet?"

"... what is that, Zim?" she asked suspiciously.

"You won't find out unless you sit" he grinned.

Hesitant but curious, she slowly sat next to him.

"Tell me the truth, Zim. Did you do any drugs without m-wait, is that a button on this carpet?" she pointed at a button sewn into the fabric between the two of them.

"I think you should press it, woman" Zim nodded, "And hold real tight onto something, too. It's a rise button"

"'Rise button'?" the human scoffed. Still, she lowered her index finger on the button, "What does that even mE-AAAAAAAH!"

Immediately, as her finger pushed the small button down, the carpet rose in the air with them on it at an incredible speed.

The human threw her arms around his strong, mighty neck for support; and despite the loud sound of the fended air filling his ears, he could still hear her surprised gasps underneath.

"Ah, yes. Full of surprises I am. You're welcome" he patted his hand on her harm, puffing his chest in pride as his improvised contraption carried them higher and higher.

The carpet abruptly stopped at the optimal height he'd calculated, launching them a few feet in the air; they landed safely back on the carpet that was now hovering over the market; Driver let out a sigh of relief.

"Hah, ah, Z-Zim- is..." she stammered, still panting from the adrenaline, "is this a-"

"Flying carpet? Why, yes. Very romantic, isn't it? I made it myself, you know. Just for you" he smirked.

The human let go of his neck, and looked under the carpet, balancing herself on her hands.

"This… this is more of a carpet on top of a giant balloon"

"An octopus-shaped giant balloon!" he specified.

"W-when did you do this? How? This makes no sense whatsoever! How did you fit all of this in that bag? Under the carpet? In such a short time?! It goes against all the laws of physics and reason!" she exclaimed.

"No pesky law of physics and reason shall ever stand in my or my human's way!" he declared raising his chin high.

"Well… well, uh. I admit. This is pretty cool" a tentative smile appeared on her face, "Just warn me next time, okay? I really nearly had a heart attack!"

He grinned with satisfaction. Phase one had gone pretty smoothly. Now for the next phase...

"Where did you get the balloon?"

"It's from a fish market. I tried to buy it, but they refused. So I just stole it"

"Aaah, makes sense. Wow, what a view!" she looked at the distance, amazed, "You can see the whole market from here! This is so incredible, Zim! You really did all of this for me?"

She leaned him to kiss him, but he pushed her away by the shoulders: he wanted to keep it for after the surprise.

"Not so fast, human! The surprises have yet to end!"

The human gasped in excitement and drew back. He stood up on the carpet, puffed his chest, placed his arms behind his back and cleared his throat, repeating the speech he'd prepared for himself earlier.

"You, see, human. Time and time again, you've proven yourself to be an exceptional living being. So exceptional, to be worthy of sharing a place beside the great and mighty ZiiiiM! Truly, you have accomplished what no one else so far ever could. You should be proud of that! And extremely honored!"

He grabbed the bag behind himself.

"These and more are the reasons whyyyy!" he raised a dramatic finger to the sky, "I got you some presents" he finished with a quieter voice.

"Presents?" the human's eyes widened.

"Yes!"

"For me?" her smile stretched out on her face.

"Yes! Lo and behold! Here they are! Feast your eyes upon them!" he shouted as he turned the bag over, emptying it on the carpet's surface in front of the human.

"MOST people would settle for ONE present, but of course, there was no way MY squintz-ally would get such a low number of gifts. I carefully selected each and every one of them! Aren't you amazed?!"

The human was so impressed, she couldn't even keep her smile on her face: it quickly faded away from her face as she stared down at them. For a few seconds, she said nothing. Then, slowly, she turned her head up to him.

"... Zim... what is this stuff?"

Oh. Maybe that was why she didn't know how to respond: they were alien products, so she was having difficulties in recognizing them.

"Hah, just some standard womanly products that your half of the universe likes so much! You'll find you actually familiar with most of these. See," and he pointed at the objects, "that's shampoo, that's nail polish, and yadda yadda. It's all written on the packages!"

She lifted the shampoo bottle up and read the text on its side.

"Zim. What are 'breestles'?"

"Oh, they are like bristles, only thicker. Why are you asking?"

"… Nothing. Don't mind me"

She lifted put it down, picking up a smaller bottle.

"And this is-"

"Nail polish!"

"... paint" she said, reading an inscription he hadn't noticed under its bottom.

"For your nails. Which you have, I'm sure of that!"

"Well... the color is pretty, I guess I could try to- oh. 'Toxic. Don't apply on body'" she read.

"It means your body except your nails, of course!" he patiently explained.

"Right"

She lowered the bottle to focus on something else.

"Is that a bolt?" she asked as she took the apple-sized object in her hand.

"Oh, the guy told me it's for your gobnor"

Her eyes widened in shock and she immediately dropped it.

"Isn't that the Zbornk equivalent of a cervix?"

"Uhhh..." he stammered, "uh- yeah! Of course! What else would it be?"

"... do you know what a cervix is?"

"Of course I do! It's a... girl thing... right?"

"... you're not wrong, I guess"

That one didn't sound right. Had he gotten the wrong size? He knew he should have picked a bigger one! Big is always better! But no matter. Just one wrong present among a dozen right ones! Right?

But truth to be told, her shocked reaction was beginning to seem a little too exaggerated, even for presents that he himself had picked. He'd been expecting a way more… enthusiastic, smiley reaction from her.

"Ahem. You can start showering me with praises and thanks any time you want! Just so you know!" he suggested.

"Uh..." the human smiled awkwardly, "this is a very... thoughtful gift" she answered.

He stared back at her, disappointed. Was she... going to settle for that? To say it was underwhelming was a serious understatement.

"... and?"he smiled at her. "Perhaps you wish to try one of them on? Maybe this hat? It has flowers on it!" he lifted the hideous, huge thing in front of her.

"Ah, uhhh... oh! Oh, errr… maybe… maybe after a round in a washing machine! After that, it will be perfect for the Carnival fair next year!"

"But it's for everyday use" Zim pointed out.

"Ahhh... yeahhh, I'm- I'm not sure I'll wear it when you or anyone will be able to see me. But I'll wear it alright" she nodded.

"Listen, Zim" she continued, "How… how much did you pay for these?"

"Oh silly human! Don't you know? You never reveal the price of a present to the receiver!" he shook his head.

"I understand, it's just... just tell me... PLEASE, tell me you didn't spend more than 20 monies on this stuff" she implored him, her smile now gone from her face.

His antennae fell down in indignation. Was she implying that he'd been cheap?!

"Of course I did!" he protested, picking up an object from the heap, "This real ruby ring alone couldn't possibly cost less than 20 monies, don't you think!?"

Driver took it in her hand. She smelled the big red ruby on it. Then, in an explicable, unexpected, disgusting twist she licked it.

"This is candy, Zim"

"….… No, it's not"

"Yes it is" she licked it again, giving it a little suckle, "this is space-strawberry candy"

He stared at her, speechless.

"Uhhh- did I say ruby? I meant candy ruby! Yes! That's what I meant! I knew it was candy all along, of course! Hahaha!" he chuckled.

"Ahhh... no, Zim" she shook her head, an apologetic look on her face, "No, you didn't. You were conned, weren't you?"

"CONNED? ME?!" Zim screamed in indignation.

"I-it's nothing to be embarrassed about!" she gave him a reassuring smile, "It's totally fine- it happens to everyone in my field! It's sort of a rite of passage! You know, there was one time when I myself was conned, and bought a horrible-"

"You MIGHT have been conned and bought something horrible, but I didn't!" he yelled, an accusatory finger pointed at her, "How CAN I, when I've bought you such amazing things that you LIKE so much?!"

The human stared at him, guilty ad embarrassed.

"I mean, Zim, I appreciate your effort immensely, but-"

"It's not the effort you should appreciate! You should appreciate the result!" he opened his arms to point at the gifts.

"Ahh... I... I don't wanna lie to you, Zim. These are some very great gifts for some very specific women. Somewhere out there. But. For me. They are a little of, uh... impersonal, maybe? Like. I don't know if they're really... me-presents. You know?"

Zim's arms lowered and his straightened spine slouched forward, like he'd just been drained of all energies at once.

"… So you don't like them" he murmured.

"I, I- uh..."

He looked down, at the carpet and at the presents, without seeing them. He couldn't see anything. It was like the whole world had disappeared from under his eyes, leaving a dark void.

"D-don't be like that! It's not- I'm not- uh- this isn't a problem, okay?" the human stammered, forcing out a positive voice, "this is actually kind of funny when you think about-"

"… you find this funny?!" he squeaked.

"I- NO!" from the corner of his still-pointed-down eyes, he saw her put her hands up in defense, "No no no, I just meant that this isn't a big deal! Everybody makes mistakes-and it doesn't matter to me! I still got your thought and appreciate your efforts a lot, and that's what matters!"

"This… is a … mistake…?"

He looked at the presents, and he couldn't help but agree: those things did look horrible. Like something he'd found in a dumpster. How could he ever think Driver would like any of this stuff? How could he- Wait.

Wait a second.

He didn't want to get Driver a horrible present. So, that meant that these horrible presents weren't actually presents for her. That meant that the perfect gift for her was still out there somewhere! YES! This was it! This was perfectly logical!

"Yes! This is a mistake! Of course these aren't the presents for you!" he exclaimed, a happy, relieved smile on his face, "This was just a decoy, yes! You were going to think that this garbage was your gift, but actually, it wasn't at all! That way you would be even more impressed when I gave you the real present! Impressive, isn't it?! Your real present is something truly amazing! A toootally different thing! Phew! You totally fell for it, human, HAH! You should have seen your face! Well, you wait here, and I'll be right back with REAL present!"

He turned around to run off the carpet-balloon, but the human grabbed his arm, cutting his run short.

He looked at her questioningly: she had a very, very serious look on her face.

"You are lying, aren't you?" she said in a low voice.

"I'm- I'm not lying! It's true! This was the real plan all along! I know, I'm SO very good at surprising you, I know! Now, if you just let me-"

"Do you think I'm stupid, Zim?" the human frowned, a harsh edge to her voice.

"N...no?" his smile faded as a surge of fear stung his heart,"Of course not, human. Now let me go-"

He tried to pull back his arm, but her grip fastened even more. Not enough to hurt, but enough to keep him his place.

"Then stop lying. I know something's wrong. I'm not letting you go until you tell me what it is!"

"What's wrong is you're ruining my present for you!" he hissed trying to pry her hand from his arm.

"You've been acting weird all day long! Stop denying it and talk!" her voice got more frustrated, and she used her other hand to wrestle his arm away.

"I'm not denying! You- you're denying! Everything is completely fine! I planned this all! This is all going fine! And YOU'RE going to ruin everything with your-" he thrashed even harder.

"This is NOT fine! You promised me!" she got up on her knees, towering above him, yanking him towards her, "You promised not to lie! So tell. me. the truth!"

Zim went very, very still, his heart pounding loud and hard in his chest.

"… s-stop-" he stuttered."

"Stop what?"

"Stop acting like this! You're- you're-" scaring me, he wanted to finish.

He stayed silent for a while, but she didn't let go of him. Her intense eyes were still locked firm into his. They made him so uncomfortable, like they were staring directly into his soul.

"... are you... angry?" he dared to ask.

"Why would I be angry?" she assumed a softer voice.

"Because- because, I- I..." he stammered.

The human finally let his arm go, and caressed his shoulder gently.

"I'm just worried about you" she said, "what's going on, Zim? Why are you acting like this?"

"Nothing! Nothing, it's just, just-"

Those eyes were inescapable, no matter how much he wanted to flee from them. Whether they looked angry and aggressive or soft and sweet, they always had equally strong effect on him.

He didn't want to tell her the truth. He didn't even know there was a hidden truth to be told. Yet, her eyes somehow pried from his throat a string of words he didn't even know he had in him:

"I don't... I'm... I'm not good at this" he finally breathed out, and he hated how chocked out his voice sounded.

And yet, he found himself unable to stop to his mouth from running:

"I'm- I'm not. I'm not, alright? I- I don't know what to do. I've... never... done this before- being with someone, I mean" he tried his hardest to keep his voice firmer, but his whole body was trembling, and so where his tongue and his lips.

"I-I thought that I would know how to act, but I don't. I don't know what to SAY or what to DO. When I'm with you I have- most of the time I have no idea what's even going on! I had to ask for advice to a Vortian! A VORTIAN! It makes me-", and then he muttered under his breath "It makes me feel so stupid".

"I make you feel stupid?" she asked worriedly.

For a split second, he considered saying yes and blaming her, but was immediately hit by a wave of shame: it wouldn't have been fair. He couldn't do that to her again, especially not now that she was so worried about him. And so, he blamed the only other person that could be held responsible:

"N-no, I... I make... myself... feel... stupid" he blurted out.

"I- I mean, you always know what to do!" he continued, "You know what to say to me, and how to touch me- I mean, who knew having my nape scratched would feel so good?! I didn't! I never even tried to! But you did, and it felt incredible! I barely even ever touch my nape but you knew it straight away! A-and not just that, you, you always do... stuff for me! You always have! But I've never… I… I've never done anything for you!"

He paused for a moment to catch his breath, feeling utterly broken and embarrassed. Had any of his mumbling even made the slightest sense? If she didn't want to leave him before, now she surely did.

"I guess I just... wanted to make you happy too, for once" he summed up, looking guiltily at his feet.

"Zim, you..." the human finally spoke. She took a deep breath.

"Okay. Zim?" she called him, grabbing both his hands with hers, "Zim, look at me".

Though her voice sounded sweet and encouraging, he really didn't want to do that.

Slowly, he lifted his head up, and braced himself for whatever she was going to say.

"I'm gonna lay it all on you. I admit we had a rough start. We both acted like jerks to each other. It was pretty ugly back then. But, you see, this is why I was saying that your efforts and thoughts matter: the fact that you're actively trying to make a change to make me happy is huge for me. It's a sign that things can and will get better. And I hope you know that I'm willing to change for you too, if anything about me makes you uncomfortable. I'll be honest, in the beginning I really didn't think this relationship could last long, but... now I can see it. I can see it becoming a very, very special thing. Because you are special, Zim" she smiled sweetly at him and caressed his right cheek with her hand.

"I know how hard this period has been on you. I mean, I can only imagine what stress your job and your mission are putting you under. And I know you miss your little robot, Gir, and I know you feel responsible for him"

His heart thudded at those words. He didn't expect her at all to mention that stuff.

"Yet, despite all these worries you still find the time to worry about me and to try and make me happy. No one has ever done that form me! I- I think that's simply amazing. You're amazing. You're a very strong, and sweet, and brave person. And you don't need to act like something you're not, or to give me presents to prove it to me- I already know it. I like you for you, Zim. And I'm very, very proud of you".

Zim stared at her, mouth agape, unable to articulate one single word.

Maybe it was because he couldn't remember anyone ever articulating that explicitly how amazing he was, or how proud they were of him. Maybe it was because she'd guessed what was eating at his mind so perfectly without him even mentioning it. Maybe it was because she'd brought up Gir. Or maybe a combination of two or more of these things. Whatever the causes were, the reaction that followed her speech was devastatingly awful.

The back of his throat swelled, his lip trembled, his face frowned and his eyes watered. He tried to stop it before the human could notice, but it was too fast; by the time he tried to stiffen his face, tears were already dampening his cheek.

The human widened her eyes in shock and drew back her hands.

"Zim, are- are you cr-"

'I'm not crying!' he tried to yell, but his voice came out all shrill and trembling, making it sound more like a:

"I'w nwot cwying!"

Worse than that, opening his mouth paved the way for a series of ugly sobs to erupt from his throat.

"Ah- uh- oh, no no no, baby, don't cry!" the human panicked, "Did- did I say something wrong? Was something I said offensive? I'm-" she tried to place her hands on his shoulders, but he slapped them away.

"I donnooowww!" he managed to shout between the sobbing.

"Y' dwid this! YOU tell m!... m!... me- eee!" he wanted to add more, but at this point his throat was spasming like someone was electrocuting it.

He slammed his face into his cupped hands, and turned away from her.

"Don' look a'me!" he screamed into his palms the muffled, barely intelligible phrase. He could only imagine how ugly and pathetic he must have looked at that moment.

Please, please, let an asteroid fall on my head! … and on everyone else too, possibly!, he prayed.

"Zim-"

"Cwose your eyes!" he shrilled.

"Okay! Okay. They are closed now, I promise"

Zim slowly turned around. He peeked between his fingers: the human really had closed her eyes.

He turned back again, trying to dry his face, but to no avail: every time he removed the tears, new ones came in and substituted them.

"There's- there's" he sniffed and sobbed, "s-something... w-wrong with me, o... otherwise, this w-wouldn't k-keep ha-happening!"

"Crying?" the human asked.

"NO! E... every time I..." his voice shrunk to a little, acute shrill.

The sobbing was so strong, he couldn't talk anymore, and his eyes were so full of water, even his enhanced vision was severely impaired.

The human fumbled against his body with her arm, eyes still closed, and gently patted his shoulder when he found it, encouraging him to continue.

Slowly, he finally regained the composure necessary to talk again:

"A-all I do i-is w-wrong, it's... u-unf-fair..." he swallowed a big lump that had formed in his throat, "I try so hard, but... b-but… ugh!" his whole head overflowing with tears, and now even sniffing wasn't enough to keep it from leaking from his nose. He tried his best to wipe himself with his hands, and was extremely thankful that the human had taken the whole 'keep your eyes closed' thing so seriously.

"I k-keep f-failing. I-I f-failed my Tallest. I can't even bring them one stupid planet! What kind of Invader loses a planet?! A-and, and-" his voice got quieter, "I failed my minions too! Gir, that... insane... stupid... little... robot. What would he say of me if he could think?! He would be right to hate me! A-and Minimoose... oh I'm sure he must hate me..."

"I-I even failed you, human..."

"Oh, Zim, don't be like that! That's not true at all!"

"Yes I did! Don't LIE to me!" he yelled, "I know you don't really want an ally! I know it's not a mere squintz that you want from me! But I can't give you what you want! I-I can't even bring myself to admit that I like you! I can't give anyone what they want! I-I..."

"I'm the worst" he whispered in a trembling voice.

The human went quiet for a moment. Then, she spoke, quiet and collected:

"Zim. I told you it's okay by me. You're more than enough for me as you are. I don't care what you call us, or your feelings. All that matters" she raised her hands to cup his tear-stained cheeks, "is that we are together".

He stared back at her, sniffing. With that sweet, calm expression on her face, dimly illuminated by the market's lights under them, she just… looked so beautiful.

"I know it's not the same thing, but... I know what it's like to... disappoint the people you look up to" she continued.

"... you do?"

"Yeah. And it sucks. It really does, but it happens. I know it seems terrible now, but it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean you're worthless. Nobody is perfect"

"But I am an Irken Invader! I am ZiM! I am SUPPOSED to be perfect! If I'm not, I- I-"

"No, Zim." she shook her head, "I'm sorry, but that's just not true. No one can always be on top. Not me, not you, and not even the Irken Empire. I think that deep down you know that. It's just impossible. And if somebody expects that of you, well... they're just wrong and you shouldn't listen to them"

Under any other circumstances he would have contradicted her, and yet… he could just feel that her words were true.

"B-But-"

"BUT, that doesn't mean you can't still be amazing. You really are amazing. Look at it this way, you managed to make a whole planet disappear all on your own. Isn't that impressive?"

"Well... yeah, but-"

"Yes, you've made a mistake. But I also believe you're amazing enough to remedy it. And I'll be together with you while you do it", and then she smirked, "Come on, you really believe anything or anyone would be able to stop us two if we work together?"

"… no…" he had to admit.

"That's why people stick together in the first place. You can't always be strong. But whenever that happens, I'll be there to be strong for you", she neared her face to his, "Because I want you. With whatever package you come in. Squintz-alliance and all"

He stared at her, her calming voice soothing him. Finally, his chest's movements settled in a normal pace.

"Are you sure?"

"Very" she whispered. "Can I look at you now, Zim?"

"… yeah..." he murmured.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, and looked at him. Using her thumbs. she wiped his eyes and cheeks from the tears.

He grabbed her wrists and weakly tried to push them back.

"Don't do that..."

"Why?"

"It's dirty..." he sobbed.

"It's not" she leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek.

Her kiss only made him sob even harder.

"I'm pathetic..."

"You're not"

She gently pulled him towards her in her embrace, one hand around his waist, the other she placed on top of his head, petting him.

He snuggled in her chest, keeping his face to one side, careful not to dirty her with his face-water.

"When the Tallest find out what I did they'll kill me!" he sobbed.

"I won't let anyone kill you" she tightened her grip on his back, "and they wont find out anyway. And I'm sure your robots are doing just fine. Uh-is 'Minimoose' a robot too?"

"Sort of" Zim nodded. "I-I… I want my b-base back! It's so…. l-lonely without them"

"Soon you'll be together again"she reassured him.

"... you really won't leave me, Driver? You don't hate me?"

"I won't. And I don't. I promise"

He lifted his head up at her. He had always been taught that affection and closeness were weak- yet the Driver human seemed so, so infinitely strong, with her sweet eyes and her gentle hug. He didn't have any trouble believing that with her by his side, anything could become possible.

"You wanna kiss me?" She asked after a while of them staring.

"... Can I?"

"Of course"

Zim hesitantly neared his face to her. He cupped her face under her cheeks. Then, he kissed her lips. He moved his hands to behind her head, feeling her soft hair, and she scratched at her nape like she did with him.

When he realized that actually, that way he was probably smearing all his slimy, teary liquids on her face, he drew back his face. Driver wasn't disgusted at all, though: she gently smiled at him, and took one of his hands in hers.

"Feel here", she guided it to her chest's left part. Under her skin, he could feel her heart beating hard.

"See? This is all you. You do make me feel incredible, Zim. You are so, so good at this. So stop worrying about it. If this is the 'squintz' you told me about, I want a lifetime subscription of it" she smirked.

Zim blushed. He lowered his head down, and mumbled:

"You're incredible, Driver"

"Uh-what?!"

"You are incredible" he repeated, "I always thought you were. From the first moment I saw you"

"Awwww!", the human closed him in her tightest hug yet. "Oh, Zim, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!"

"… are you… happy?" he asked.

"Only if you are!"

He chuckled to himself, wiping away his last tears. At last, he didn't feel like crying anymore.

"Heh… you know, I'm glad you don't really wanna use any of that stuff" he said, looking at the horrible presents still laying beside them, "It's so gross"

"Hahaha!" the human laughed "That's okay, though. Some of your efforts really paid off. I really loved the breakfast, and in another context, telling everybody to bow down for me would've been very hot"

"Hah, well... everybody loves bow- Oh NO!" his head shot up, nearly smacking her in the chin.

"What?! What's wrong?!"

"The last present, human!" he shouted, in panic, "I forgot to detonate it! It's about to go off!"

"'Detonate'?!" she yelled back.

"It's too late now..." he covered his eyes again with his palms, ready to withstand this one last (hopefully) humiliation for the day, "Please, don't look at it!"

"Don't look at what-"

With a deafening detonation, a massive bomb exploded right in the middle of the market under them, with a pink, fiery fire. The flames rose up to the sky, and from them erupted a series of fireworks: they exploded in the night sky, in a myriad of pink, red and white hearts.

Driver observed the whole scene attentively, completely astounded and entranced.

"Oh my God, Zim. That's so cheesy"

"Uuuuuuguhhhhhhhh" he screamed into his palm.

"But it's also beautiful. Very, very beautiful. Look at it"

Zim slowly looked at his own creation through his parted fingers. Above, in the dark sky, the heart fireworks were still exploding. Underneath, several buildings and people had caught on fire, their terrified screams traveling through the air.

Very, very beautiful indeed.

"You, uh… you liked it?" he smiled hopefully at her.

Driver leaned back in and kissed him on his lips.

"I loved it. It was perfect", she smiled.

In a surge of pure, unadulterated squinzt, he threw himself at her and hugged her tight. He felt so secure, holding her and being held by her. He almost wished he could always stay like that.

"Er- you… you won't tell anyone about what happened on this carpballoon, will you?"

"My mouth is sealed" she reassured him patting on his PAK. "Hey, did the stand of the guy who sold you this crap catch on fire?"

"Hmmmm" Zim leaned over the edge to check. "I don't think so"

"Well, then. I've got an idea for what we'll be doing tonight" she smirked, "Ever heard of molotovs?"

"No, but they do sound fun!" Zim smirked.

"They are!" she nodded enthusiastically, "Ahhh, but… I'm feeling a bit hungry. How about we grab dinner first? How do you get this thing to land?"

"Heh! Er…" he looked at her with widened eyes, realizing he'd forgotten a very important detail in his plan.

"Get this thing to what now?"