a/n: Cupid's Return has not been forgotten! I haven't been in a writing mood- but I haven't been able to get this idea of out of my head. I'm sure there's fics about it, and I haven't looked hard enough, but here I am!

I own nothing but the words and grammatical mistakes.

Enjoy.

The aftermath of Smoked.

Trigger warnings: death of Jenna/language

Rated: M? unsure.

May 2011

It had been two weeks since Elliot shot Jenna, two weeks since Elliot had chosen Olivia again, and one week and six days since they happened.

Neither of them had been in the right mindset, and Olivia was too scared of what was going to happen to Elliot after the shooting, but what actually happened, had went beyond her wildest dreams.

Early hours of the morning post shooting

Olivia had stirred in her sleep, hearing a pounding on her door. She glanced over at the alarm clock that read 2:43 AM. She groaned and rubbed her face and grabbed her robe and covered her bare body and made her way to the door and checked the peep hole to see an exhausted Elliot.

"El…" Liv frowned, opening the door to see him. She knew how hard he was taking this, and knew that this wasn't something he was going to be able to let go of easily. "What are you doing?" She asked and let him in. He walked past her into the living room, trying to form words.

He was a wreck, he hadn't gone home, Kathy had called him a million times, and he couldn't face her, or his own kids. He shot a goddamn kid and he was sick to his stomach. He contemplated drinking the night away, but he knew that wouldn't solve his problems, and he knew that Kathy really wouldn't want to see him. They had been having issues again, and he wasn't sure that his marriage would survive this time.

Elliot looked at her and shook his head, looking back down at his feet. He rubbed the back of his neck and sat down on the couch, his head hanging again.

"Elliot, talk to me." Olivia begged, sitting next to him, her hand rubbing his back. "What have you been doing since you left the precinct? Have you talked to Kathy? She's called me a few times… She's worried about you.." Olivia spoke quietly, trying to get him to talk.

Elliot laughed a little, shaking his head again. "She's the least of my worries, Liv." He sighed and looked at her. He couldn't bear the thought of leaving her after this, but he was terrified of what was going to come out of this if he stayed in New York. He already had a meeting scheduled with IAB and needed to be cleared by psych to return to duty, but he wasn't sure he wanted to. He didn't know how to tell that to Olivia, and he thought by seeing her, being here with her in this moment, it would make him want to stay. He was conflicted.

His marriage had been in shambles multiple times before, this was nothing new, and him choosing Olivia over the job, another thing that wasn't new. But Elliot, he was a proud man, a man that didn't run when things got bad, but he wanted to run and never look back.

"I can't go back, Olivia, I can't." He shook his head, trying to keep it together. He was shocked when he heard the sob escape his mouth, not realizing it was his.

Olivia closed her eyes and pulled his body into hers. They had never been this close. Sure, they had hugged a handful of times, and he held her when she was almost shot, but it was different this time. They weren't on the job, she was fucking naked under her robe, and she hoped that he didn't notice.

"Elliot… It was a good shooting, you wouldn't ever intentional hurt a kid." Olivia tried to relax him, still rubbing his back and holding him close.

"I killed her, Liv." He cried out, letting it all out. Olivia had never seen him like this, and she didn't know what to do, or what to say. Part of her wanted to call Kathy and let her know that he was safe, but she knew that would lead to more problems, and that was something that she couldn't deal with right now.

She felt Elliot shift under her, her robe exposing more of her chest than she preferred, and she felt his eyes travel up to meet hers. He moved slowly, his fingers moving strands of hair behind her ear, and Olivia felt her heart racing. What the fuck are you doing, Elliot?! She wanted him to stop, she knew that neither of them were in the mind space to be intimate like this, or whatever the fuck this was, but she also didn't want him to stop.

Elliot placed his hand on her cheek, and gently grabbed her chin so she was making eye contact with him. "Olivia.." His voiced was low, and full of want, and she felt the ping between her legs. She had wanted this man for years and she was respectful enough to keep at arm's length, and sometimes she wished her fantasies would come true, but she pushed those thoughts, those feelings deep down for the sake of their partnership.

Elliot had been one of her closest friends, someone he knew her better than she knew herself, and she was always scared that if they had ever crossed that line, that things would never be the same. She knew that if what was about to happen, happened, that it would be forever changed. She was scared that they wouldn't be the same, but she couldn't fucking think with his hands moving to the back of her neck.

He was the one to make the move, and her body was going into overdrive with his lips on hers, moving down her neck to her exposed chest, and couldn't stop the moan that escaped her mouth. "Elliot…" She practically cried out, feeling embarrassed that she sounded so needy.

"Liv.." He husked against her neck, "Just tell me yes." He begged, looking into her eyes to see if she was on the same page. Olivia nervously chewed her lip, wanting to stop, not wanting to cross that line, but she wanted so badly to cross it, and allowed temptation to take over.

Olivia let the robe fall off her body, exposing her body to him. He grabbed her hips and pulled her into his lap, and pushed himself into her core. Olivia groaned, feeling the friction against her core, needing to feel more of him. She pressed her chest against his and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He wrapped his arms around her body and picked her up, her legs clinging to his waist, and carried her to her room and laid her on the bed. She sat up and reached for his belt, and he quickly helped her and removed the rest of his clothing.

This can't be happening! She was screaming to herself internally, but she wasn't about to stop, and she sure as hell knew that he wasn't going to either.

Elliot's moth traveled down her body, devouring her breasts, leaving gently marks on her and making his way between her legs. He had dreamt about this moment, being buried deep in her, and he felt the guilt eating away at him, heard Kathy in the back of his mind knowing that she was right about Olivia, and he stifled a laugh, hoping Olivia was too lost in her own head to notice. He kissed the inside of her thighs, gently nibbling and pulled her down, and putting her legs over his shoulders and attaching his mouth to her core.

Olivia's back arched off the bed and moaned loudly, not caring who would hear her in this moment. Elliot's mouth lapped over and over her core, his thumb finding her sensitive bud and moving in circles. "El…" She cried out, feeling the climax slowly creeping over her body. She grasped the sheets and cried out his name again, coming against his face. "Fuck, Liv.." He hissed, sucking on her while she rode out the orgasm.

"I need to feel you." She begged and pulled him up to her, taking his mouth to hers. She pushed him onto his back, and climbed on top of him, lining herself up with his erection, and sinking slowly down onto him. She threw her head back and he grabbed her hips, pulling her down harder, matching her movement. "Jesus… Fuck.. Elliot…" Olivia cried again, the friction of Elliot's movements hitting her clit, making her closer to come.

"Wher-"

"In-"

"You sure?" He asked

Olivia smiled down at him and leaned down and kissed him, still keeping a steady rhythm. Olivia knew she wasn't going to last much longer, and she couldn't imagine he was going to either. She felt herself slowly starting to lose it, and he was right behind her. She slowly rode out her orgasm, and fell against his chest, both of them breathing heavily.

"Fuck, Liv.." Elliot laughed quietly, closing his eyes, and wrapping his arms around her body. He nuzzled his face into her hair and kissed her head and relaxed.

"Better than you imagined?" Olivia grinned and leaned up and kissed his lips.

"If you think I ever imagined that, you're wrong." He grinned and returned the kiss.

Olivia smiled and closed her eyes. She knew that they were going to have to talk about whatever just happened between them, but In this moment, she wanted to savor him being hers.

Olivia woke the next morning to an empty bed and no note, no text, no trace of him. She felt dirty for what had happened, and was kicking herself that she allowed them to cross that line. She had tried for weeks after they slept together to call him, beg him to pick up, and she was dumbfounded at how easily he just left her.

November 2011

"Ouch!" Olivia groaned, feeling a kick against her bladder. "Was Zara always this active?" She glanced over at Nick and he grinned.

"Maria was always complaining that Zara was pressed into her ribs and could never get comfortable." He laughed.

Olivia frowned and leaned back into her chair and rubbed her swollen belly. It had been six months since she had heard from him, and one month since she had stopped trying. The weeks after had been emotionally exhausting, and she was drunk for many of them until she found out she was pregnant. She never thought in a million years that she could have a baby, and she thought she was dreaming when all six of the pregnancy tests had come out positive. She cried tears of joy, joy for the baby she had longed for, and tears of anger, anger for the man who left her.

Olivia left her final voicemail, hoping that in the smallest, he would call her back.

"Elliot, I can't keep this from you, and I have low hopes that you're ever going to come back… but I need you to know… I'm pregnant."

"How are you feeling otherwise?" Amanda chimed in, looking at the brunette. Olivia loved how present Amanda was in her life with the pregnancy. They had a rough start when they met, and she knew now it was because Elliot knocked her up and left.

"I feel great, honestly, other than little miss always kicking my bladder." Olivia laughed again, looking down at her stomach. She was fucking terrified of being anything like her mother, and feeling like she was always going to fuck it up somehow. But at the end of the day, she knew that she had an amazing support team around her to help her through it.

Cragen had put her on desk duty almost immediately, and at first, Olivia was pissed off that she couldn't fully be doing what she loved, but she knew if she wanted to carry to term with no issues, she needed to keep a low profile.

"Have you…" Amanda walked over to her desk and sat on top of it and looked down at the brunette.

Olivia shook her head, knowing where the question was going to go. "No… and I don't want to believe he hates me that much that he would just walk away from me like that… Like this.. But it's not about him anymore." She smiled, shaking her head and holding back the tears.

"I'm really having a baby, huh?" Olivia laughed again and Amanda grinned. "Baby Benson!" The blonde squealed with happiness, placing her hand on Olivia's belly.

a/n: reviews are always welcome!

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