One Night Stand

by OysterChateau

After a night of passion together (sort of), a space-stranded Zim and a wanted human outlaw form a reluctant alliance to achieve their respective goals. But as they work together for their own interests, the feelings from that first night start to resurface... (ZimxOC)

19. The Earthling Way of Living(Part 1 of 3)

Irkens and humans were very different. From their appearance, to their culture, to their bodies, to their very way of thinking, there were rifts between the Irken and Earthen races running as deep as their home planets were distant from one another. Zim knew that very well, had known so since he'd first stepped on the Earth' filthy soil, and his mission had subsequently done nothing but providing him with endless proofs and examples of it.

Yet, as he soon found out, it wasn't until he began living, at least for a substantial portion of his daily time, on Driver's small reproduction of Earth, that he fully grasped the true extent, and the core causes and origins of said divide.

Two days following the bonfire, after they'd set up all the things he needed to start his experiments, Driver had shown him something she'd bought back in Tiyo's criminal section along with the equipment for him: an (unregistered, obviously) teleporting cabin.

After they'd unshrunk it with the Size Regulating Ray in the laboratory's second, bigger room, and plugged it into an outlet, and after he'd thoroughly inspected it (not one part of that machine had been obtained legally or from a single planet: the likelihood of it malfunctioning and disintegrating the user was extremely high), Driver had found that her home was a compatible destination, as she'd hoped.

Once he (reluctantly) gave her the okay, she'd immediately typed in the coordinates for her house and had insisted for him not only to come visit there, but to do so regularly from then on.

Driver, having lived among aliens for a good half of her life, had a great understanding and respect of the different characteristics and habits of other species, and she was obviously a very smart and emotionally intelligent person, but evidently she too had her flaws and limitations: she had in fact proposed that he'd come to her house at least thrice a day, one time for each Earth meal, and at least for one to two hours each, for a grand total of three to six hours of work-free time a day. Very evidently, a huge waste of potential progress.

Zim had replied that he only necessitated thirty Earth minutes of break time distributed during the day, maybe forty if hereally wanted to push it, and her face had contorted in an utterly terrified, outraged expression.

Their discussion had gone on, but she didn't seem to understand, no matter how much and how logically he explained, that Irkens didn't need food or rest like humans did: as long as they didn't work more quickly than their PAK could recharge them, they were perfectly able to keep on working in eternity, potentially. Until their meat shells inevitably gave away, of course.

Driver had completely ignored his arguments -they didn't even seem to quite register in her brain-, stubbornly insisting on the importance of self care, and workers' rights, and the toxicity of work culture, and a whole other bunch of human made-up crap.

In the end though, upon further reflection, he'd realized that maybe that wasn't such a bad idea, and he'd caved in. Not because he needed such a long daily break, but because he knew very well that he would have never been able to stay away from her that long: if he could barely manage that back when he was actively trying to avoid her, he certainly couldn't now that her presence and touches had become a habit.

So they had shaken on that deal: from then on, for as long as he worked on the machine, he would live thusly, swapping between his job in the laboratory on Nortyne 111 and the excessive leisure time on Driver's planet, with the teleporter acting as a (potentially deadly, as he'd made sure to remark) door.

Driver had stepped in the teleporter cabin and disappeared in a swirl of colors, with the promise to 'get her house ready' for him to visit a few hours from then, in the afternoon.

Zim had stared at the now empty cabin for a few moments. It occurred to him then, that for the first time since they'd met, they were now technically millions of light years away from each other.

Welp. He already missed her.

Zim had taken a deep breath in.

Just focus on working. Just focus for a few hours, and you'll be together again.

He had straightened his back and marched to his work station to start the preliminary testing. And even he was surprised to find, that it actually worked: only a few minutes in, and already he was completely absorbed in the experiments, his worries about Driver for now gone from his mind; and the more he worked, the more focused he became; and the more focused he became, the more ideas he got on how to perfect the project; and the more ideas he got, the more excited he became, which in turn motivated him to focus even more deeply, in an endless, self-feeding cycle of both hard work and euphoria. No doubt about it: laboratories were, and always had been, his undiscussed natural element.

How he had missed that beautiful, blissful sensation! Of course, that was the first time since months that he worked on something directly correlated to his mission: obviously he would feel so inspired! After so much time, he was finally able to exercise his true life calling of Invader!

There was another side to that coin though: when in the end the prefixed time to meet with Driver had come, he had actually felt regretful, almost annoyed at the idea of having to break such a productive, focused work streak.

Yet again... a promise to a partner was a promise to a partner, right? And all he had to do was paying attention to her as she showed him around the house: surely it wouldn't take much, since her planet was so tiny!

So Zim had (albeit with heart-wrenching reluctance) put down his instruments, and used the teleporter to follow Driver to her house.

The first thing he noticed when he appeared in Driver's private teleporter was the big difference in both light and temperature: bright, warm, golden sun rays penetrated through the windows' glass from all around him, their light amplified by the flat, smooth surface of the wooden furniture they bounced off of. That blinding light forced his eyes to squint, and the suddenly warm, dry air made his head feel light: truly a stark contrast with the cool, moist air of the laboratory.

As he stepped out of the cabin, his squinting eyes slowly getting used to the new light, he perceived a movement to his left:

"Hello,baby!" Driver's enthusiastic voice greeted him, "Did you have a good trip?"

"Yeah" Zim replied, finally managing to open his eyes fully and look at her, "Kinda surprised that that thing didn't incinerate me, though".

"Well, I'm glad that didn't happen!" Driver grinned, taking a few more steps towards him. "Though I gotta admit, I did feel a bit more dizzy than usual after I got here!"

"Usually, getting used to teleporters takes at least seventy years" Zim pointed out, "A few more decades, and you'll already be seeing a big improvement".

Driver snorted and giggled at his statement; he was just about to ask what was so funny about it, when he noticed two things about her appearance: one, in the hours they'd been apart she'd made a complete change of attire; she had let her hair down, and instead of her usual, practical jacket, pants and boots, she wore a cute, white shirt with short, puffy sleeves, coupled with a high waist, red skirt whose edge reached just above her knees, and a pair of comfortable, soft-looking brown sandals at her feet. And two, she was holding something in her arms: a sort of furry, white and grey... mass.

Then the mass turned its head, big green eyes looking at him from the center of its furry face, and he understood what it was.

"Oh... Cat is here too" Zim said, trying his hardest to smile and not look uncomfortable like he actually was.

"Yeah, haha! This boy has been glued to me ever since I got here!" Driver cheerfully explained, one hand stroking Cat's back.

She placed a kiss on top of its head, and Zim barely managed to contain a wince.

"I had missed him sooo much!" Driver snuggled her face against the animal's cheek. "He is such a loving boy, it breaks my heart that I have to leave for work so often! But I make sure to smother him with cuddles every time I get back!"

"Heh... you sure...do" Zim awkwardly agreed.

Then Driver crouched, lowering the cat closer to him.

"Look who it is! It's Zim!" she said with a cheerful, childish voice, "He's staying with us now! Sayhi!"

Cat pointed its curious, slit-shaped pupils on him; it stretched its neck towards him, its nose twitching as it tried to catch a whiff of his scent.

Zim winced one step back. Were cats poisonous? They weren't from what he remembered, but those slit eyes sure made them look dangerous.

"Zim!" Driver whispered, as if that way she could avoid being heard by the animal she was holding in her very arms, one inch from her mouth,"Say hi to Cat! Make him sniff your hand!"

Zim cringed internally. Did he...have to?

He looked up at Driver's eyes: they were big and bright with fervent anticipation. Clearly, he did.

Let's just get this over with, he sighed as he tentatively extended one index finger in front of the animal's nose.

Cat sniffed his finger, its nose but an inch from his gloved skin; a dash of pink flashed out of its mouth, and Zim's hand jerked back, narrowly avoiding being licked by its tongue.

"Awww, that's so cute! He still likes you after all this time!" Driver cooed, hugging the cat even closer to her body.

"How lucky I am..." Zim grumbled, warily massaging his hand as if he'd just avoided a bad burn.

Driver stood back up, letting out another giggle.

"You know, we've come back just in time for the start of summer. The whole planet is in bloom! It's so beautiful, you have to see it!"

Zim widened his eyes at her, his antennae perking up.

"Summer?!" he repeated; she actually replicated Earth's worst season on her own planet? Though that did explain that high temperature and much-too-bright light that had so rudely welcomed him.

"Does it HAVE to be summer, though? Can't you, uh… tone it down a little bit? At least whileI'm here?" he tried, hopeful.

"Oh, Zim, don't be ridiculous!" she shook her head. "I can't just turn the temperature on and off whenever, or my plants and animals will never properly grow! It's not even that bad anyway!"

"Says you..." he mumbled.

"C'mon. Follow me" she tilted her head in the main door's direction.

Zim let out a defeated sigh, and followed her out of her house.

When she opened the door, Zim's eyes were hit by yet an even stronger, brighter blinding ray of sun, so much so that he needed to shield them with his hands to keep them open and actually see the outside.

Against his expectations, what he saw actually did surprise him, and in a good way; they paused there, on the porch, for a few moments, as he took a good look at the field in front of Driver's home.

She really wasn't kidding when she said that the planet was in full bloom: the open field was the same as the one he'd seen not too many weeks before... onlyfuller, somehow. And greener. And livelier. Yes, that was it: the grass had at least doubled in length, new flowers and plants had sprouted from the ground, and there were more bugs flying over or jumping among the grass. There were even little birds, dashing from place to place, pecking at the ground for food.

He tried looking up at the sky, but that bright light proved to be too unbearable, even with his hands up to protect them, though he guessed that if he did manage to look up he would probably see a neighboring planet floating in the middle of that blue sky, the only sign that that wasn't actually the Earth. Along with its small size, of course, apparent just by looking at the horizon line, which was much, much closer to the observer than on a normal-sized planet.

As they walked down the stone steps of the porch, Driver took her sandals off using her feet, and casually started walking barefoot down the cobblestone path.

Zim observed that gesture with perplexity, a single pressing question on his mind: why? Just WHY?! Was this a thing humans (or at least a few of them) did, walking barefoot to feel the ground under their soles? That looked even more uncomfortable than on the beach, since the grass' tips were so pointy! Couldn't she feel them prickling her skin? Maybe it was because of the weather? That would have made sense, and it would explain her change of clothing too: though the heat wasn't as oppressive as he'd feared, and there was a light breeze cooling down his body, he himself definitely wasn't dressed for that high temperature; he felt if he were to hasten his walking pace or make the slightest physical effort, he would have started sweating profusely. He almost envied Driver and her revealing, light-looking clothes!

... speaking of which... those clothes left a lot more skin out than her usual attire, didn't they?

He wasn't at all in on the whole bare feet in the grass thing, but under that wide skirt her legs look even slimmer, even more elegant, and the bright sun light hitting off her skin made them look like they were glowing. It made him want to reach out andtouch them-

Zim swallowed as he tried to ignore that bizarre urge, as well as a weird, warm shift in his crotch.

Stay focused! You're supposed to look at the planet!

Maybe he wouldn't have to look at her legs, if she was holding his hand instead of Cat: they had taken up the habit to hold hands whenever they walked together outdoors. But right now that animal was taking up all her... hand...holding... capacity! How annoyingly intrusive! If he could have looked up without burning his corneas, he would have scowled at it. Maybe then it would have gotten the message and gotten out of his (his) partner-ally's hug, and they would have held hands as usual, and he wouldn't be left there with his eyes pointed down, wondering what the rest of her body, too, must look without clothes on-

"SO uh, you brought all of this from Earth, yes?" he abruptly asked, turning his gaze to the animals and the trees that were now in front of them.

"Yup!" Driver chirped. "The criminals who abducted me were in the Animal Trade business, so when I joined their gang they taught me everything about steali- uh, picking stuff up from planets!"

"Oooh, I see!" Zim nodded.

Driver stopped at a sort of middle point on her planet, four different types of enclosures, each holding a different animal species.

"I keep cows, goats, rabbits and chickens. Oh, and a couple beehives! And that's not mentioning the other small critters like bugs and birds, of course" Driver explained.

Zim looked around, recognizing each one of the mentioned creatures. Cows and pigs on one side, behind wooden fences, rabbits and chickens on the other, behind taller retired, each with their own personalized stables and troughs. They all seemed pretty happy and relaxed, either lying down on the grass or walking around at a lazy pace. Looking just as ugly and smelly as he remembered them.

And yet... he couldn't help but feeling a deep sense of nostalgia. He still recalled very well, and maybe even with a bit of tenderness, how hard it had been for him to learn the names and differences between each animal in the beginning. And how Gir would always remind or correct him on that, as the (sometimes) good SIR unit that he was. And of course, all the experiments he had run on each species.

"And, what do you use them for?" he asked.

"Milk, eggs, and meat, pretty much. I also trade them for more food or monies. Some people pay a lot for rare foreign animals!" she replied.

Ah, yes, of course. Milk, eggs and meat. He still remembered attempting to sabotage the production of all three. Those had been especially fun missions...

"And you take care of all of them on your own? I mean... with no machines?" he asked again. He knew humans usually extracted what they needed from those animals by using industrial machines, but there were none in sight.

"Yeah! Well, most of the time anyway. I cheat a bit when I'm not home or I'm sick. I have a couple robots who can do all my chores. Tending to a farm is a full time job! I tried looking for a trustworthy alien caretaker, but Earth creatures just seem to be too weird for aliens to take care of".

"Ohhh, I see. That is pretty impressive!" he complimented her, and he genuinely meant it. To take care of those many animals, some of which were pretty big, must have been very difficult without using any machines.

"And let me guess" he continued, "They are called 'Cow 1', 'Cow 2', and so on?"

"Hah! Nah, they don't have names at all. It makes eating them easier" Driver giggled. She got closer to a fence, and affectionately scratched the head of a passing cow. The animal happily welcomed the scritches of the master who would one day slaughter it to feed on its flesh.

"Ah. Makes sense!" Zim nodded, a pensive finger under his chin as he reflected on that implied, macabre prospect. Humans usually were wimpy softies, but... they too could be pretty cold-blooded when they wanted, couldn't they?

"But I treat them very well, you know!" she assured him. "They are much happier here than in the intensive factories I stole their grandmas from. I even let them out of their enclosures every day, and give them all natural food. It makes everything sooo much tastier! Goes to show that hard work does pay in the long run!" she continued, clearly prideful of her method.

Zim looked at the animals once more. So that was the secret of the exceptional tastiness of her food? No genetic engineering, no hormonal manipulation? He could hardly believe that something could grow up so big and tasty without one bit of chemical meddling.

"Wait a second though. If you only eat what you grow, and already sell your plants and animals, why do you need to be a criminal on top of it?" Zim argued.

"Sustaining a farm? With this economy?" she scoffed. "I could have never even set this whole place up in the first place, without becoming a criminal first. And no one would have ever hired a space-stranded teenage chimp".

Oh. Right. Irkens didn't have to worry about job-huntings like the other races did: they were automatically assigned jobs as soon as they became of age. To be more accurate, they were created to fit a job in the first place. And as for 'setting up their own places'... no one needed to. No one under the Empire technically owned anything. Everything Irken belonged to the Empire and the Empire alone-

"Oh, that reminds me!" he suddenly exclaimed, following from his considerations, "Didn't you say you were renting the planet? So, does this all belong to you, or...?"

"Well, I plan on buying it, eventually. Once I have enough monies. I'd like to move to a bigger more isolated place!" she explained.

"But what if your Land Lord says no?"

"Well. Isteal it, obviously" she smirked down at him.

As they were now facing away from the sun, Zim could finally look at her face as she spoke, and he was extremely grateful that he could catch another glimpse of her beautiful evil side: her bad moments were pretty sporadic and brief, but when they did happen... ooh boy.

Zim looked down, all blushing. He would have loved to see her steal that planet for herself. It would have beenso attractive.

"Come, now. I wanna show you my favorite place on the planet" Driver said as she suddenly turned and began walking again.

Zim trailed behind her; the number of trees increased the farther they got from her house, and soon there was enough shade for him to actually raise his eyes, and for a moment there, as he looked at her figure as a whole, he felt… well, mesmerized, for a lack of a better word.

Maybe it was a mere, temporary suggestion caused by the interplay of the sun's light and the trees' shadows, but for a few seconds Driver appeared- she appeared otherworldly. But not in a planetary sense, as she was, rather in a plane-of-existence sense. Her hair and skin almost looked golden in the sun's light; bees and colorful butterflies flew around her as she calmly, daintily walked on the grass; her hair and her long skirt freely fluttered behind her, adding to her ethereal, elegant air. She looked perfectly in tune with every part of her planet, as if she too had sprouted from the ground like the flowers and trees and grass around her, instead of being its owner- yes that was it! She was more like its… ruler. Like a queen. Or a goddess. Or an elf, eternally dancing in a forest's glade.

Zim's legs stopped moving. His eyes, on the contrary, kept following her movements. His heart had swollen up with a sudden surge of awe… and deep sadness, at the same time. Driver looked sobeautiful, so perfect!… too perfect, in fact. Like she could have kept on walking on that field, among her plants and animals, forever. Whether he was there or not.

Driver stopped, turning her face to him. Zim jumped, alarmed. That abrupt movement, her eyes looking at him, they emptied him of any and all thoughts.

Driver observed him, curious. She looked back, to see if maybe the object of his attention was behind her.

She turned again, and she gave him a soft, warm smile.

"Whatcha doing there, handsome? You not coming?" she asked.

Her kind words seemingly reset his thought process, like a jolt of electricity shooting through his PAK.

"Er, eh- yeah! Yeah, sure, haha!" Zim laughed at his own silliness, and hastened to reach her again.

Driver and he began walking again, this time side by side. What an absurd thought that had been, indeed. If there was anybody that could walk by the side of such an amazing person, it was him.The most incredible Irken ZiM! In fact, he wasjust doing that! And he was the only one she allowed to! Well, and Cat. But she was holding it, so that definitely didn't count!

Zim held his chin up, to match with Driver's calm confidence. Now more relaxed and reassured, he looked at the changing environment around him. The concentration of trees rapidly increased with each step, until they walked in what could properly be called a forest.

There, under the shades cast by the trees' fronds, the air was much, much chiller. But also somewhat moist. And the birds' chirping was much louder. Now that he listened more carefully, there was another sound under all that tweeting: water. Running water.

They eventually stepped into a small clearing, and he could see the source of that noise.

"Ah. Water. I should've known your favorite spot would be like this" he commented.

"Excuse you, this is a pond, slash creek, slash fountain, slash swimming pool, thank you very much" she corrected him with a conceited tone.

Well, that did all check out. On one side, to his left, the clear water poured out from a stone mouth in the ground; it flowed in a stream across the clearing, cutting it into two halves, and ended into a dark, larger hole on the other side, to his right; in the middle, its bed became wide and deep enough to be, in fact, considered a pond, with two large rocks emerging from the center.

As they got closer, Zim noticed something, swimming in the water:fish. There were at least a dozen, all red, white, black, or a combination of the three.

Zim looked up at Driver in complete disbelief.

"You can't be serious. You don't actually swim in here, do you?!" the pond's floor and walls were covered in moss and algae, tinging the water with a sickening green color. And there were fish floating in there. FISH!

"Psh! Of course I swim in here, silly! Why would I keep a pond otherwise? Just for show?" she retorted.

"Yeah! Yeah, that'd be way more reasonable, actually!"

"Oh, please! It's perfectly clean! It's the same water I drink and wash with!"

"That's worse! You realize that'sworse, right?!"

"Sure, whatever, yeah" Driver rolled her eyes, annoyed.

She bent down, and deposited Cat on the ground. The little feline sat on the water's edge, and cautiously sniffed the water.

"Actually, I think I'm gonna have a dip right now. Today has been suuuuch a hot day!" Driver announced with a malicious grin on her face.

"No!" he spat.

Driver sat down on the grass, ready to dive in feet first; he knelt behind her, trying to hold her back by one arm.

"Don't go in!" he yelled, "Don't you dare go in, or I'll NEVER touch you again-"

Splash.

One little jump forward, and she was already thigh-deep into the green, dark water.

"Hahaha!" Driver let out a mischievous giggle. Zim glared at her, uselessly holding her arm.

She pecked his lips with her own, then mockingly showed him her tongue's tip.

"I hate you" he hissed.

She kissed him again, this time under his eye, leaving the smallest damp spot on his skin.

"I'm serious! I'm not touching you until you wash all thatfish stew off you!"

Driver grabbed his wrist. She guided his hand to her cheek, and stroked its back.

"Then stoptouching me" she dared him.

Zim's frown deepened. He hated how difficult it was not to touch her. And he hated how well she knew that.

Driver's expression, on the contrary, softened.

"Why don't you come in too? I know you hate the heat. This is the perfect day for a swim"

"No thank you" he hissed, "I'm fine where I am!"

"You sure?" she took a few more steps into the pond. She cupped some water with her hand, and passed it on her nape. "You have no idea how refreshing this is!"

"Cat doesn't wanna know either, and I don't see you nagging it about it!" he protested, pointing at the clueless animal lying on the ground next to him.

"Alright, alright. As you prefer" she conceded, waving his hands in a sign of surrender.

She turned back, walking towards the center of the pond. The fish scattered away from the intruder's legs, and- oh, man. He didn't know if she'd noticed, but her skirt was floating in the water... way, way higher than it normally should, leaving almost all her legs exposed.

He couldn't see them very well because of the water's refraction, but that fuzzy image of bare skin was enough to fully grab his attention. Should he... point that out to her? Or maybe she already knew, and didn't feel any shame for it?

At any rate, as soon as she turned back to face him he immediately looked away from the water: if she ever caught him gawking at her body like that she would teased him to death.

Driver raised herself with her hands and sat on one of the rocks poking out of the water, her legs still immersed in the water but now covered by the shirt again. Bummer.

"Y'know, my grandparents used to bring me to a creek like this during the hot summer days" she suddenly spoke.

Zim's antennae perked up in attention.

"Well, obviously it was much bigger than this one. There were more ponds, one after the other. There was even a small waterfall! And tadpoles, during the right season!" she recounted, "I would undress to my underwear, and splash and swim in the water for hours!"

She swung her feet back and forth, creating circling ripples in the water.

Suddenly, she seemed to become more thoughtful. Her smile still lingered, but… he wasn't really sure whether it was a happy or a sad one.

"There was a man, who would sometimes bring his dog to that same creek. He and my grandpa would talk, sitting on the rocks nearby, while I played with her in the water. She was, like, three times bigger than kid me, but she was always so sweet and gentle!" she continued, her eyes brimming of a bittersweet, nostalgic light.

Zim nodded, to show his investment in her story. If there wasn't so much water between them it would have been much easier: he could have held her hand, or hugged her.

"I don't remember the man's name, but after a while he started bringing a piece of candy for me every time we met" she looked down at her hands in her lap, remembering the man with clear fondness. "I don't know why, but it's very easy to make friends with strangers when you're out in nature".

Then she stopped, and remained quiet. Guessing that she was done with her speech and was waiting for some kind of response on his part, Zim spoke up:

"He does seem nice" he agreed, "giving you free candy and all. I'm sure playing with his dog was very fun. In a human way, at least".

"Haha! Yeah, it was" she nodded. Then, she suddenly looked up: "You look so out of place, Zim" she grinned, "Doesn't Irk have plants and animals?"

Zim blinked, thrown off by that quick change of subject. Oh, well. It was still a huge step from her being all coy and mysterious about her past.

"No, not at all" he replied.

"Ah, I see. Irk is one of those swept planet, isn't it?"

"Of course!" he proudly puffed his chest out, "We Irkens wiped out all the other inferior creatures on our planet! It's a testament to our ability to climb on top of any hierarchy! 'First our planet, then the Universe'!" he recited.

"Wow. Very superior indeed" she weakly clapped her hands with a deadpan face. "Well, can you at least tell me what they were like before you murdered them all?"

"Very well! THEY were, uh, uhmmm..." … uh. Weird. That was about all the information his PAK had on Irk's natural, pre-technological state: nature was dangerous and chaotic. Then Irkens rose up above it, taming and destroying the other creatures, and rebuilt a more efficient, ordered planet. But he didn't have any images, not even a vague idea of what that ancient world and its creatures were actually like. Maybe PAK-crafters had deemed such information superfluous?

"… I don't really know" he finally answered. "I don't have the files"

"Too bad. I was curious" Driver commented. He couldn't deny that now that she'd brought up the subject he shared that sentiment.

Driver let out a relaxed sigh; turned her face up to the sky, and closed her eyes. So… she didn't intend to guide him further on?

He looked down at Cat. It was still looking at the fish, but much more sleepy-looking, its green eyes blinking slowly, its tail ears twitching from time to time.

Maybe they were taking a break, as PAK-less creatures often needed?

He figured that indulging them for a few moments wouldn't really affect that short trip, and he sat down on the grass, trying to loosen up his body as much as possible.

He didn't really feel like closing his eyes, though: now that the light wasn't so oppressive, his eyes could finally move around to fully scope the environment, and he found relief in having that freedom again.

Not gonna lie… Driver's planet, and that place in particular, were very pretty. Granted, he too would have been ready to declare the pond its favorite spot on the planet on account of the lower temperature alone, but. That gentle breeze caressing his skin, relieving him from the heat. Those harmonious, beautiful shades of brown, green and gold that the bright sun, filtering through the trees' leaves, painted the forest with. The rhythmic sound of the water pouring and flowing in the ground. Even the birds' twitter became kind of nice once he got used to it.

So Driver had spent most of her childhood in places like that? Playing with dogs, making friends with strangers that gave her free candy, in the company of her loving relatives?

Wait. Was she implying that the stranger and his dog are dead too by now?, he wondered. Though asking her would probably be inappropriate, at least for the time being.

Dang it though. Driver's childhood had been pretty much opposite to his, hadn't it? She had spent hers in the light of the Earth's sun, surrounded by love, and friends and nature. And all of it had been taken from her, either dead or stolen. He had spent his in the dark bowels of Irk, and there was nothing loving, friendly or natural in them, or above them. Just robots, weapons, and comrades training to one day take their place on the surface and help the Empire grow. And they would never be stolen, nor would they ever die.

Zim sighed, his hands playing in his lap. He rarely ever thought of his smeethood. How bizarre that the exact opposite kind of environment he'd spent it in would remind him of it!

He closed his eyes, relishing in the chill breeze. It'd been centuries since he'd last been inside Irk's Education Facilities, yet he could still remember them so perfectly. The sights, for one! Which admittedly, were not much: all spaces there were enclosed in a neatly assembled box of metal, electricity, and energy. In place of the wind's blow and the birds' chirping were the machines' whirring and the air ducts' breaths. There, in the dim-lit darkness...

… the only source of light were countless floating lamp bots, stationed at equal distance from one another in the rooms and alleyways of the giant labyrinth that were Irk's underground Facilities. Apparently, the original Electricity Generators had all been compromised a couple years prior, and so was the normal illumination system. The culprit had never been caught. What a mystery!

Coincidentally, that had also been the day ZiM had seen the actual sunlight for the first time. For exactly five seconds (he'd counted), before a smeet droid dragged him back in side . After that, life had pretty much returned back to normal (save for the lamp bots), with him impatiently waiting for the day he'd graduate and be allowed on the surface with the adult Irkens.

Now on that particularly relevant day, the Education Session # 3747483 had just ended. The smeets had been sent to the Play Grounds for their mandated 'Purposeful Play Time'.

The Smeetery's Play Ground looked a lot like a mix between a human arcade and a laser tag arena (though of course, ZiM still had no idea what a 'human' or a 'laser tag' were), with battle-simulating computers organized in lines and little smeets laughing and running through the aisles, shooting each other with faithful reproductions of real weapons.

But ZiM had no time for games today: he was deeply immersed in his project, sitting at one of the construction tables amassed in one side of the big room. "Build your OWN weapon of destruction- According to the acceptable conventions!(Reminder: in case you make a genuine scientific breakthrough, you won't be credited)" read a glowing screen on the wall above them.

Suddenly, Skoodge approached him, breaking his concentration.

"Hey, Zim!" he greeted him with his usual jovial smile, "We're playing Skin the Meekrob! Wanna come play?"

ZiM looked up from his invention, and looked around.

"'We' who?" he asked him.

"You and me?" Skoodge proposed, joining his hands in a hopeful/begging gesture.

"Nuh uh!" ZiM shook his head. "Have you forgotten that tomorrow is Purpose Evaluation Day? We're finally gonna graduate from the Education Plugs! I have to make sure my project comes out perfect! "

"Isn't that optional, though?" Skoodge argued. "Just focus on the test! If the extra project doesn't come out right, the plus might turn into a minus!"

"My project is gonna be super good, obviously!" ZiM conceitedly reassured him. "The examination requires us to prove our potential, and I wouldn't be doing that if I didn't show at least one of the trigillion genius ideas I have!"

" Aw, Zim! You're so confident!" Skoodge exclaimed, big eyes full with admiration.

"And besides, all the kewl smeets are bringing a personal project! Am I right?" he then called to two other smeets sitting three tables to his right.

Past Tallest Red and Past Tallest Purple slightly raised his heads at him.

"Oh, Irk, I think he's talking to us..." Purple whispered.

"Don't make eye contact" Red hissed back.

"REEEED? PUUUURPLEEEE? I'M TALKING TO YOUUUUU!" ZiM yelled as loud as he could.

They both cringed, looking back down. Those goofballs, with their enigmatic behaviors. If he didn't know them so well, he would have thought they didn't really like him.

He probably just needed to get closer.

ZiM took his project and carried it over to their table, with Skoodge trailing behind him .

"Heyyyyy, guys!" he adopt ed his cool voice. "Working on your own projects I see! What are they?"

Red and Purple looked at each other, dubious. Red eyed him; he sighed, and finally replied with a quiet mumble :

"A laser..."

"A smoke bomb..." Purple followed with that same tone .

"Ohhhh, cool! Though objectively not as cool as my Total Annihilation Machine!" he announced as he triumphally placed the machine on the table. "It seeks out for any enemy in its range and destroys them with the best suited, automatically selected method out of thirty! Destrucccctioooonnnn!"

"Aahhh..."

"Hmmm..."

"Wow..."

"Ehhh..."

Red and Purple were so in awe of his prowess, they forgot how to speak.

"Oh, man! You guys have gotten me nervous with all your projects!" Skoodge lamented, "Maybe I should have prepared one too!"

Red and Purple looked him up and down.

"No, Skoodge, don't worry" Red reassured him with a n arrogant, sarcastic tone. "If I looked the way you do, I would have stopped trying too".

"Pfff!" Purple snorted, badly hiding his giggles with a hand on his mouth.

"Aw, gee! Thanks Red! You're always so nice!" Skoodge cluelessly smiled.

Zim shook his head. Poor naive Skoodge. When was he gonna realize that those two looked down on him?

"So, anyways!" Zim exclaimed. "Getting back to me and my AMAZING project! ... what do you think?"

Zim stared at the pair for several seconds straight. Then, when Red realized he was not gonna be satisfied with a series of sighs and grunts, he explicated his feedback better:

"Uuhmmm... Zim..." he moved his hand in a circular motion, trying to find the right words. "... Do you have to try so hard every time? Combining thirty weapons into one seems... dangerous"

"Yeah, that thing looks like it ' s gonna explode the moment you turn it on!" Purple echoed. "Like that time you 'improved' that pogo stick, and it hit me in the eye! It nearly blinded me! And it was NOT funny! Right?"

No one talked for a few moments.

Purple turned to Red.

"Right?!" he repeated with a hiss.

"Uh?" Red jumped, realizing that he' d been talking to him, "Oh, yeah! Not funny at all, no!" he agreed.

"Why, under anyone else's scrutiny, then yes, it WOULD be EXTREEEMELY dangerous, but this is ZIM's project we are talking about!" ZiM puffed his chest proudly. "No worries, this is not at all like the pogo stick! I have everything under control!" and as proof, he patted on the cylindrical machine's top.

"No eye-related accidents this time!"

Pat. Clic, whirr.

At the last pat, the machine's first and highest layer turned on itself. It pointed up and shot something. ZiM, Skoodge, Red and Purple looked with awe at the dart: it drew a graceful, geometrically perfect parabola in the air before falling down and hitting a smeet square in the eye.

"AAAAAAAH! MY EEEEYE!" he screeched, throwing himself to the ground and contorting in pain. "EYE-RELATED ACCIDENT! EYE-RELATED ACCIDENT!" a nearby smeet shouted.

ZiM looked at Red's and Purple's horrified faces.

"... tomorrow! No eye-related accidents tomorrow! That's what I meant, yes!" he corrected his last sentence.

A medical aid robot erupted in the room with its loud sirens on, to the rescue of the smeet. ZiM's attention concentrated however on another robot, coming through from a door on the opposite side: a smeet-supervising robot.

It floated with furious speed towards him, and halted its pace a couple feet from him

ZiM swallowed. He already knew what was coming.

"Zim" its robotic voice spoke. "For causing an eye related accident, you'll be now put in the Time Out Corner"

"Eh? ZiM needs no break!" he protested, "I was just showing my amazing project to Red and P-"

"Take him away!" Purple shrilled in fear, hiding behind Red. "Take him away before he hits my eye too! AGAIN! "

" Hey, I would not-"

The robot's extendable arms grabbed him, cutting his protests short and holding his arms against his body. It raised him up. Then turned, and started carrying him to the Time Out Corner.

Behind the robot's metal head, ZiM saw a sad-looking Skoodge, waving at him. And then-

"Hey, what's up?" Driver called to him.

Zim blinked. He was so immersed in his memories, he hadn't noticed that Driver had gotten close to him, legs still in the water, body leaning on the grassy ground in front of him.

"Just thinking" he replied.

"Happy thoughts, I hope"

"Mmmh... Neutral thoughts" he nodded.

Driver tilted her head, looking at him with loving eyes. She took his hands in hers, and pecked his lips.

"Promise?" she asked.

He pecked her lips back.

"Promise. Why wouldn't I?" he smirked.

"Hah!… uhm… Zim?" she continued, unusually bashful. "Thanks for doing this for me. I know this whole nature thing isn't your cup of tea. So-"

"This again?" he rolled his eyes. "Driver, stop feeling guilty every time I do something for you. Besides, I do like your planet".

Her face seemed to light up.

"Really? You do?"

"Sure! It's pretty, and calm. Not at all like the Earth I know"

"Heh… okay" she giggled. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I never get to show my planet to people".

He smiled back, affectionately squeezing her hands. He looked down at them, and stroked their back with his thumbs.

Driver had such pretty hands- well, everything about her was pretty. But her hands were in particular. He loved how they felt to the touch. They were so soft and elegant, yet also sostrong and capable.

His eyes trailed up from them, to her chest and neck. He had never seen them being so exposed: he could see the muscles of her neck, as well as the curves of her collarbones, and cleavage between those two… lumps-of-fat things-he-forgot-the-name-of under her shirt. No wonder she felt so soft whenever they hugged! Nowthat reminded him...

He shyly looked up into her eyes.

"… uhm... Driver?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"… ehhh... Can we, uh..."

He swallowed. Come on, just say it. You've said and done much worse anyway.

"... hug?"

Driver hesitated for a second, her eyes widening in seeming shock. That was the first time he'd explicitly asked for one.

Then, her expression melted into a happy, sweet smile.

"Aw, honey! Of course we can hug! We can hug whenever you want!" she cooed.

His cheeks flared up. 'Honey' was a new one. It felt pretty good.

Driver opened her arms and closed him in a hug, squeezing his body close to hers. Zim hugged her back, his hands sinking into her soft hair.

Zim relaxed in her tender, warm hold. It felt so comfortable, so reassuring, so secure.

He closed his eyes, listening to the calming sounds of the water, of the birds, and of her breathing.

"You know the water you're standing in is green, right?" he smirked, "Isn't it time you came out of there? It can't be good for you"

"Haha! Nonsense" she laughed from behind his shoulder, "After all, green is my favorite color".

After that, Zim got sucked more and more into Driver's human daily routine. For not having truly ever lived according to a human schedule (not full time at least), he got surprisingly used to it; soon, the different hours of a day came to have a different…feel to each of them. On Irk, a 'day' was just a convention left up from a past, distant time useful to divide up time: on Irk, there was no time to stop and rest like there was on Earth. There was no such thing as a 'night'. Irk never slept. Irk was forever fixed in an eternal moment in an eternal day- an eternally productive moment. And he himself used to uphold that system, even on Earth, by locking himself in his underground laboratory, where the day cycle meant nothing.

But now, 'morning' meant a crisp, chill air, birds chirping in the distance, and the smell of coffee and milk heating up on the stove in Driver's kitchen.

'Noon' became synonymous with the warm, bright golden light of the sun, and helping Driver wash the dishes after lunch, and chilling on her sofa before they both went back to work.

And although the pond in the forest remained his favorite spot on the planet during the hot hours, he came to love the quiet, intimate atmosphere of Driver's backyard in the evening, when she'd make some fruit juice, or fruit salad, or pie for them to have while they sat on the porch's bench and looked out at her gardens -the one where she grew the edible vegetables, and the one where she grew the pretty-to-look-at flowers. Who even knew there was a difference?

He'd thought such a frequent change of scenery would be very confusing, but it actually gave him a much more solid basis for perceiving time than a simple clock and a measly ten-minute break, and as a result his work rhythm improved too. Who would have guessed that resting more frequently meant more energies? He got so used to that cyclical change of light, that after a while he began turning the laboratory's lights off during the day: they just became excessive and obnoxious compared to the sun's natural light -so that sky-glass-ceiling thing did have a use after all!

The food greatly contributed to that new rhythm, for sure: apart from being the main excuse for which he took those pauses, Driver's food was so delicious, his body started actively craving it: now he automatically became hungry whenever the designated time for a meal came- even without looking at a clock! Like he had a sort of biological clock in his meats! And maybe it was just an impression of his, but he did feel like he had more energies after eating it than we snacks. Who knew that 'bio-nutrients' were better than processed food? What kinda sense did it make? Processed snacks were supposed to be energetic- it was written on every label!

And the longer he stayed there, the more he wanted to know. And the more he knew, the more he wondered and pondered on the differences between the Earth and Irk -beyond, well, the myriad he'd already had.

Eventually, it occurred to him that most of them came to the relationship Earthlings and Irkens had with life itself: for Irkens, a life's worth was measured in its usefulness, like any other resource. No matter whether it was the life of an Irken or of an enemy, of an ally or of a slave: good resources were maintained and multiplied; anything unproductive or, worse, counterproductive, was to be disposed of. Assuming that Irk had once been like the Earth and Nortyne too, with life sprouting from every single spec of dirt, it made sense that it'd been replaced with cables and metal and buildings: they were just a much more useful resource.

And on that line, it just made sense that Irkens would be equipped with PAKs, which removed the need for sleep and food. It made sense that animals and plants would be replaced by machines, or genetically modified to absolve certain functions -mainly entertainment (read: executions) and food production.

According to Driver, though, for Earthlings life had value in and of itself (unless you were a 'piece of garbage nihilistic materialist', as she'd said. Whatever that meant). For example, yes, Driver kept animals to one day eat them, but she made sure they still had a very comfortable, carefree and happy life: she personally sewed blankets and pillows for them, and made especially yummy food for them to eat, and even gave them toys to play with. Earthlings in general seemed to do so many superfluous things for the sole reason that it made life happier- and not necessarily their own, either.

And sure, no one would ever see an Earthling conquer a planet or build an intergalactic empire, but… they were very much satisfied with their life. And the absence of advanced technology didn't seem to hurt its quality in the slightest.

NOW having said ALL that… he still might only like that planet because it was Driver's -notice how she was mentioned in each and every topic?

Driver was, needless to say, incredibly amazing as always. If anything, she seemed to get more awesome and prettier every day that passed. She had a way to make him feel so special, like no one had really ever done: she listened very attentively and enthusiastically whenever he talked to her about his work, giving him kind words of encouragement; she purchased special alien food that resembled its Earth counterpart just so he could taste what she tasted without any allergic reaction; often times, she would check on him while he worked in the lab too: sometimes, she'd come in, hug him from behind, rest her chin on his shoulder, and watch him work like that for a while. Other times, she would bring a book or her laptop and sit somewhere in the lab, just to keep him company. Oftentimes, she would even bring him something to drink or snack on! And every time she visited him, no matter how frequent it was, his face would always light up with a huge, surprised and happy smile.

All these factors combined made his mood higher than it'd ever been, so even though he wasn't working nearly as much as he used to (that is, all day long), he was still somehow much faster, more productive, and more creative. Really, sometimes he felt so happy, he felt his spooch was about to burst!

And as for the… squintz… partner-allyship… whatever it was that was between them, he felt like he was getting better in that area too.

He was getting more receptive to her body and emotive language; and he was getting more and more used to receiving affection without his body overloading. He was also actively trying to initiate affection- something that Driver evidently appreciated, and to be honest that was the best part: knowing that he could surprise her, and make her happy, and make her heart beat faster too, like she did with him.

Strangely enough (though nothing was remotely not-strange at this point of his life), further inspiration for his affection-showing came from human movies: Driver have a wide collection of them, yet he had never seen not even one of them before- which made sense, since Driver had brought them from the Earth a decade before.

They were of all kinds, happy and sad, straight to the point and artsy and weird, packed with action and silly and emotional and dramatic, a range as wide as her interests and personality traits were.

He had seen Earth movies and watched Earth TV before, of course, but he had never noticed how love was almost an omnipresent constant, no matter the genre: there was always at least one romantic couple per movie, or someone the protagonist was interested in, and it was often the focus of the whole story.

He could see then how Driver, despite saying he was his first real partner, could be so very good at it: she had always grown up surrounded by a platitude of examples!

But the strangest thing of all, was that now he... kind of… sort of… couldrelate to the in-love humans. He could understand, at least, their desire to be close to someone, and to hug and kiss them, and to wish nothing but happiness for them, to the point of fighting and risking their lives for them. Now, all those things he'd previously looked down on didn't seem so foolish, or gross.

Of course, that didn't mean he related or was okay with absolutely every type of human affection; and as much as he came to love when he and Driver would cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie together in her TV, things could easily get…weird. And uncomfortable.

Thing was… humans had WILDLY different levels of shame… okay, let's state this bluntly: there were a lot of naked humans in movies. A LOT LOT. And COUPLES in particular seemed to LOVE getting all nakey and then snuggle and hug and kiss in a bed.

The first time such a scene had appeared on the screen, he had thrown a couple of embarrassed glance up at Driver, but... she had watched the whole scene with an absolutely impassible face. Sooo… maybe it was something normal, for humans? Eventually, he too learnt to (sorta) ignore it, but still… why? What was up with humans and getting naked?!

Good thing that Driver limited that undressing/touchy kind of behavior to her arms and legs only!

… or so he thought, until that day.

It started out as a normal morning: they were chilling together on the couch, waiting for a particularly big pancakes-eggs-and-fruit-juice-based breakfast to go down before going to work.

They were leaning on each other, sharing what their respective projects for the day were going to be: she was going to plant some new bell peppers; he was gonna create an artificial, miniature black hole. So, yeah: a pretty busy, but fun day ahead for both of them.

Zim had his back and head rested against her body, playing with a lock of her hair; she was wearing this lovely, soft, white nightgown with a small pink ribbon on her chest, and her hair was still messy from a night's sleep.

Simply put, she was absolutely beautiful.

So even though she was still describing all the intricate rituals that bell pepper-planting entailed, he couldn't help by tilting his head up and giving her a few kisses.

"… so, yeah. Even with this strong sun, it's gonna take the whole summer for them to grow" she stated.

"That's too bad" he commented, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"But it's gonna be worth it!" she smiled, "They'll grow big and plumpy, no doubt"

"Heh!" he pecked her lips. "'Plumpy' is a funny word"

"Hahaha!" she giggled. She raised up her hand, and stroked his back. "Besides, most dishes with bell peppers are hot ones anyway"

He smirked.

"Well..."

Trying to push the boundaries and express his affection in a new way… he kissed her neck, as she'd done with him before. As he'd seen so many humans do in movies. Unknowingly causing thetriggering event #1.

A light shiver ran through her body. Nice.

He briefly rested his forehead on her shoulder.

"… you know how much it takes to create a black hole?"

"How much?" Driver asked.

Zim looked up at her, and grinned wider.

"Only ten seconds, once the machine is ready"

"Oooh. I'm so envious" she grinned back.

He leaned in, and kissed her again. Driver gently responded, her hand still on his back: this time, it was his turn to lead the game… though as it turns out, that wouldn't last long.

He switched down to her neck again, and another shiver ran through her, this time stronger. He took the time to breathe in deeply: she smelled so good.

That familiar, pleasant warmth flared up between his legs, pushing him to continue. He raised up his hands, resting them on her shoulders, and kissed her neck again.

"Hah!" a sound between a giggle and a whimper escaped her mouth, sending yet another pleasant jolt through his crotch. Seriously, what was up with that? Oh, well. He was happy enough that he was evidently doing something very right with his touches.

As he got down to kiss her chest, his hands trailed lower on her body, unknowingly causing thetriggering event #2, which was arguably even graver: he touched the two-things-he-had-forgotten-the-names-of, and kept his palms there.

And evengraverer than that, since she didn't seem to mind at all, and since he found them to be even softer than what he expected… he ever so slightly pressed down on them.

"Mmm" Driver let out a grunt. He was almost wondering if maybe he'd hurt her, when she grabbed his cheeks, turned his face up, and kissed him 'tongue first', as she'd once called that kissing style.

So… that was a good thing, yes? Although, Driver was sure being way louder than usual. And grabbier: he could hear her muffled breathing behind the kissing, like she was panting, while her hands frantically traveled up and down his body.

And he was enjoying it quite a lot, too, until… her hands got down to his butt andsqueezed his buttocks.

Zim froze for a moment. Was that… normal? She had already done that once, or so he remembered. So that must have been okay, right? Was that a thing partners could do? Touching each other's butts?

Driver sloppily moved her mouth away from his own and down to his neck, leaving a trail of saliva on his lips and his chin; then, she started nibbling on the skin right under his ear.

Zim shivered and giggled at the tickling sensation, involuntarily squeezing down on her chest-things; human teeth were so weird: they looked flat, but felt pointy on the skin. Driver could be so... animalistic -though it made sense, considering that humans classified themselves as 'animals'. Not that it was something he complained about: he didn't know exactly why, but he kind of liked when she nibbled on his skin. It made his heart race. And it made another wave of pleasure emanate from between his legs.

Then, suddenly, Driver pushed him down lying on the sofa, kissing all over his neck and chest. Which wouldn't have been a problem in and of itself… if she wasn't also shoving her hands under his tunic.

"Uh-" he was about to ask her to slow down, when her hands found the edge of his shirt and lifted it up.

Zim froze again. Dumbfounded and confused, he looked down: his belly was exposed bare, and her hands were touching it. When her hands grabbed the edge of his pants and started pulling them down, he realized he hadn't misinterpreted her intentions:she WAS trying to undress him.

"Driver- Driver, stop, STOP!" he yelled, slapping her hands away.

Driver immediately jumped back on the sofa, her hands jerking up like she'd just touched a hot stove.

Zim pulled himself up, hastily putting his clothes back in place to cover himself.

"What the hell was THAT?!" he shouted again.

"Uh-uhm..." Driver stammered. Her eyes were huge with what appeared to be both confusion and fear.

"I-I, uhm…" she swallowed. "I think I might have… misread you".

The smeet-supervising robot carried him to the Time Out Corner. He kind of liked being carried: it was the only time when he got to be touched gently by someone. And it reminded him of the first robot arm that had hatched him.

The bot plopped him inside of the Time Out Corner: it was a tall (tall for a smeet) box made of distorting closed around the farthest corner of the Smeetery. In the corner itself, was the Time Out Bot, nothing more than a mouth-shaped speaker and two pink lights for eyes above it. ZiM had learnt, after having spent so much time with it, to see that face as friendly, as opposed to creepy as all the other smeets did.

ZiM knew the drill: he sat against the opposite corner to the robot's, and was careful not to look behind himself. Not only was it pointless, since the distorting, sound-proof glass made communication with the exterior impossible, but the floor would give him an electric shock if he ever turned.

"Hey, Time Out Bot!" he smiled, "Long time no see!"

" Smeet Unit Zim]" its monotonous, low voice spoke. "Your last stay in the Time Out Corner was: [three days ago]. Current transgression: [eye-related accident]. Again. Computing time of punishment: [ten hours]"

"Oh, man! I don't need such a long break!" ZiM complained, "I'll barely have time to finish the Total Annihilation Machine!"

"Don't complain" the bot admonished him. "This is a punishment"

"You know, tomorrow is Purpose Evaluation Day!" ZiM ignored him, speaking excitedly of that long awaited day. " I am so ready for it! The Evaluators will be so impressed with me, I bet they'll make me a general! Or a fleet commander! Or even a Talles t ! Everyone knows I'm FAR ahead of the rest of the class! They can't even build their own nuclear reactors! Though I guess you know that, since it's what landed me here last time-"

"Enough with your squeaky gibbering, Smeet Unit" the bot interrupted him. "Your time in the Time Out Corner ought to be spent reflecting on your mistakes in order to better serve the Irken Empire. Your options are: to hear me sing the praises of Irk. To hear me list the accomplishments of all the Tallest in order. To hear me list all the laws of the Empire".

"Hmmm..." ZiM pondered. "Tallest's accomplishment. Haven't done that in a while".

The recording started; t hough at this point he remembered all that litany by hear: he was a regular visitor of the Time Out Corner .

No one had ever explained to him why exactly he was being sent there, but from what he understood, his awesome, impetuous energy would sometimes become too much for his smeetsmates to handle. Which made him feel very special, true that, but being special often felt... pretty boring, admittedly.

ZiM tried at first, but wasn't able to fully listen to the bot like he usually did: h e was just too excited thinking of tomorrow.

Passing Purpose Evaluation Test would finally allow him to enter the adults' world and b e considered a full, complete Irken: f or an Irken with no purpose might as well not been considered an I rken at all.

And his purpose would've been a good one, too! At this point, he didn't even care to be a Tallest or a commander, as long as what he ended up doing earned him the respect and praise and attention he so rightly deserved.

Because a dults such as that didn't have to be confined for the sake of their peers' fragility. Adults like that were listened to. And they didn't have anyone who looked down on them.

ZiM happily smiled at that prospect, swin g ing himself on his butt.

They were all going to be so proud of him.

"Don't have fun. Don't smile" the bot admonished him again, "This is a punishment".

"U-uh, uhm, I-" Driver stammered, slowly backpedaling on her hands.

Oh, God. I've done it again.

"I think I might have...misread you…"

Zim gave her an absolutely astonished, confused, almost offended look.

"Mis… read?" Zim repeated, tilting his head, his heart still racing from the near-undressing. "What did you misread?!"

"I, uhm... ehhh" Oh, Lord. This was so embarrassing. Why oh WHY hadn't she just spoken clearly with him about this?! She KNEW something like that would happen!

She awkwardly looked down, her hands playing with the edge of her nightgown's skirt.

"Okay" she sighed. "I guess I'll just say it out loud, and- Oh, man. This is gonna have awhiplash on the whole day, heh" she nervously chuckled.

Zim's brain quickly ran through of all the possible things she might intend, but was unable to find any that could justify trying to undress him.

Driver took a big breath in. Then, she looked back up at him, and said:

"I wanna have (...) with you".

Zim stared at her. He blinked. What was that keyword she had just said?

"What? You want what?" he asked.

"(...). I wanna have (...) with you" she repeated, speaking up.

His brain was either failing or refusing to process that word.

"Are you just making some random noise there, or is it me?"

"SEX" she almost yelled, frustrated. "S-e-x. SEX"

"... sex" he repeated, without really grasping the word beside its raw sound.

"Yes. 'Have sex'" she nodded.

"'Have sex'" he repeated.

"Yes"

"With me?"

"Yes. 'I wanna have SEX with you'" she spelled out.

"'You wanna have sex with me'" he repeated.

"YES, I do"

"... uh... 'sex' as in…?" he asked, uncertain.

"Ahhhh..." Driver sighed loudly. "'Sex' as in 'copulating', Zim. Y'know, eh... 'mating'" she flexed her index and middle fingers together.

Ahhhh. THAT kind of sex.

Ok.

Uhm.

Yes, ok.

Hm.

...

... waaait-

"WHAT?!" he screamed, his knees jerking up to his chin, "YOU WANT WHAT?!"

"Uhm… Heh" Driver chuckled again. "I get now that's not what you were going for-"

"You thought I was trying to MATE with you?!" he screamed again, absolutely indignant that any of his actions could have been interpreted that way.

"Uhm... maybe?" she tried, "I-I mean, it's- it's a fair assumption to make, isn't it? You did touch my breasts".

Ah, 'breasts'. Right. That was their name.

"I-I didn't know! I-I just touched them because they were squishy!" he defended himself. "Why would I ever- Why would YOU wanna mate, even?!"

"... are you really asking me why people have sex, Zim?" she asked.

Face on fire from the embarrassment, Zim scooped farther away from her on the sofa, looking away from her. Was this really happening? Were they really having that conversation? Why?!Why did he have to touch the squishy fat on her chest?!

Driver blinked. He… he really had never thought of the possibility of sex between them? How was that possible?! Unless…

"I mean... you KNOW what sex is, right?" she insinuated.

"Of course I do!" he squeaked. "It's uh, when two people, uhm... rub their... crotch parts together, to make more of them!"

Driver slowly nodded.

That was about accurate, but… God. He was even less familiar with the subject matter than she thought.

"But you can't procreate more humans with me! Why would you wanna do it?" Zim argued.

"I'd do it for…recreational purposes, heh" she chuckled. "I mean. Why do you think I approached you on that first night?"

Zim's eyes got so huge he felt like they were gonna roll out of his skull.

"… you… what?!" he said in a chocked out whisper.

"C'mon Zim, a girl approaching you alone at a bar, offering you a drink?" she nervously pointed out. That expression he was giving her almost made her feel dirty for her flirting. "I thought that was obvious! And now that we are a couple, it should be doubly, triply expected that I would wanna do it with you, shouldn't it?"

Zim swallowed down. He could hardly believe it. All this time...

"… so… you've always wanted to… uhm" that actually recontextualised SO many otherwise nonsensical actions on her part. Like her trying to undress him, or… groping his crotch...

"I-I thought you knew!" Driver stammered. "Don't Irkens have sex?"

"Well, obviously not!" he denied. "It's an outdated, inefficient, barbaric reproductive system!"

Driver's heart jumped in her chest.

Oh, no. That confirmed something she'd long feared...

"Wait a minute" she spoke more calmly. "You mean to tell me Irkens don't have sex. At all?"

"No! We use cloning, a-and genetic engineering!" he explained.

"... so YOU never had sex? Ever?"

Zim's cheeks burned even hotter at that question.

"Er- N-no!... no, of course not!"

"... no experience whatsoever?" she continued. "Not even... on your own?"

"… 'on my own'?" he confusedly asked back.

Driver blinked again. Wow. This was so much worse than she'd initially thought.

"... you mean to tell me you've gone centuries without ever having an orgasm?"

"... having a what?" he asked.

Zim had never cared at all for sex. Why should he have, even? Thus, obviously he didn't know anything specific about it!… but… seeing Driver so surprised and dumbfounded at his ignorance admittedly did make him feel… a lil bit embarrassed… and mortified, even...

"I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of you!" Driver tried to sweeten her tone, realizing how her insistent questions might have sounded. "I'm just finding it hard to believe that you would never even try something! Sure you must get some urges from time to time, right? Like, uhm… when we, y'know, kiss? You aren't actually aroused when we kiss?"

Aroused? HIM? ZIM?

Zim swallowed down again, shrinking against the sofa's corner, as if he could have been sucked between the pillows and vanish from that conversation.

"No, I'm not! And even if I wanted, I couldn't ever get… 'urges'! We Irkens don't even have the parts!"

A huge wave of crushing disappointment fell on Driver.

"… you don't... have genitals?" she explicated for him. Maybe she had just misunderstood his words.

"No, I don't!" he repeated.

"… are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"… sure sure?"

"Yes, I am!" he yelled. Why was she making this harder than it had to be?!

"Ah... ok..." she sighed. She turned from him, sitting in the opposite corner of the sofa.

"… never mind it, then" she whispered.

An awkward silence fell in Driver's well lit living room. Outside, from the window behind them, came the happy chirping of the birds.

Zim almost wished he could be one of those birds. Out of that room AND of that conversation.

He gave Driver a furtive look. She was still looking the opposite way, embarrassed. Should he just… teleport back to the lab? No, no way: he didn't want to leave things weird like that. Maybe he should just… push his embarrassment aside, and try and talk this out normally. As hard as that would be, now that he knew that she saw him that way...

"... so you, uhm... have... sex?" he tried.

"Yeah" Driver smiled, slightly turning towards him again. "I mean, not right now, obviously. Because I'm your partner. But yeah" she nodded.

"And you have..." Zim turned his head, and looked at her crotch. "… sex parts?"

Driver closed her legs tight, as if he could somehow see under her clothes.

"I sure do"

"Hm" he nodded, thoughtful.

"... uhm… what does it... feel like?" he asked.

"It's, uh… hard to explain. Because it's kind of its own thing" she replied. "Arousal is a need like hunger or thirst are, but...down there. Sexual pleasure itself is like being... massaged, I guess, but instead of relaxing there is a pressure building up inside you. And an orgasm is the release of that pressure" she explained at the best of her abilities.

"… and that feels… pleasant?"

"Yeah. Yeah, a lot. It's pretty much the most intense pleasure the body can sense"

Well. That explained why she wanted to do it, at least, despite how gross andnaked it was…

"… and all couples do it?"

"… most of them, yes" she admitted. "But it's okay! We don't have to do it!" she then reassured him. "Plenty of couples don't have sex! It's fine! I should have just been more open with you, and asked you earlier if this was okay to try!"

Zim nodded, but knew that actually it wasn't fine: he could tell from her initial reaction. That was clearly something she really wanted to do, but couldn't because of HIS background. They were already so different from other couples, in that they couldn't exactly show their partnership in public and he couldn't fall in love back with her. And now, another limitation, and it was because of him and him alone!

… although… now that he thought about it… could he really say he had never…felt… something… down there?

Zim shyly looked at Driver.

"What if I... sometimes... did get the urges?" he asked.

"… what?" Driver asked back. She wasn't sure she'd heard him right.

"… I think I have... felt some... things. Down there" he whispered, timidly pointing down between his legs with a finger.

"… you have? Really?" she asked, feeling some kind of hope lighting up again in her.

"I-I'm not sure, but uh… sometimes… when we touch, or kiss, or… when I think about you… I feel my guts… shifting, andwarming up!… between my legs" he admitted.

"That…does seem like arousal" she nodded.

"Y-yeah, but it doesn't make sense! I shouldn't have anything down there!… but... I also never checked…" he admitted.

"Well… there must have been a time in the past where Irkens had sex, right? Otherwise, it wouldn't make sense for there to be males and females!" Driver pointed out. "So maybe even if it's something you guys haven't done in a long time, you still do have the… 'parts', after all!"

Zim's heart skipped a beat. He had… never considered that…

"No, that can't be! The records in my PAK clearly state that Irkens have always used artificial hatching! And-"

"I'm sorry, but how is that possible?" Driver interrupted him. "You're telling me a species reproduced artificially right from the start? Before even inventing electricity or medicine?"

"Uh… but… but then-" he stammered, struggling to find a viable explanation. Yet, those two clear contradictions vividly co-existed in his files. "… what about my records?! Why would they put wrong records inside my PAK?!"

"Isn't it obvious? Theylied to you" Driver bluntly stated. "Governments rewrite history all the time".

The simplicity with which she delivered that statement felt like a pin jabbed in his heart.

"But… why would theylie?"

"Control, I guess. When you have sex with someone and make kids with them, your loyalty usually goes to them. Fighting for love is something very primal. It's the biggest motivator to fight along with greed and hate. Governments know that, so they try to substitute themselves to family. It's textbook dystopian government praxis".

Zim looked down, feeling perplexed and confused. That made too much sense for his comfort: were all those files implanted in him really lies? Maybe... they were kinda justified, hiding something as gross as sex. Still, to lie like that to their most loyal subject… did they really put so little trust in him and his comrades? Fearing that they'd run off with the first person they mated with?

Driver's expression softened: clearly, that consideration had been a pretty hard blow on Zim… along with the one she'd already dealt to him that morning. Poor little guy…

"Well, sorry for getting so political. Let's just forget about this, okay?" Driver patted on Zim's back.

Zim looked up at her, and she left a peck on his forehead.

"Sorry for startling you. We will work everything out, okay?" she sweetly smiled at him.

Zim blinked.

That... actually did the opposite of reassuring him.

Why did Driver always have to teach to him?

Why did she always end up having to coddle him?

Why did she always have to make sacrifices for him?

Couldn't he, for once, just… KNOW what was going on, and be capable at it?

Couldn't he, for once… NOT act like a clueless, clumsy idiot in front of her?!

… now that he thought about it, if what he sometimes felt really was arousal... maybe then he could really have sex?

And would that have been such a huge transgression? More than what he'd already done? There was no rule against 'having sex' with someone. Technically, the closest rule was 'no unauthorized smeet production allowed'. So, was it even real mating if they couldn't produce their own shared offspring?

And after all, if this was really something that would make her happy, he could do it, right? She'd already done so much for him: he owed it to her, to at least try.

Zim clenched his fists, and confidently spoke up:

"Let's do it"

"… what? 'Working everything out'?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"No, the sex thing!" he clarified. "Let's just do it!"

"… 'let's just do it'? What?!"

"Yeah, if I can feel aroused, it means I can do sex, right?" he explained.

"I-I mean, I guess, but- just like that? Just a moment ago, you were-"

"Yeah, because I'd never thought about it! But now that I have thoroughly thought about it-"

"In ten seconds?" she sarcastically asked.

"-AND I know that it's something couples do, I've decided to give it a try!" he nodded, hands confidently placed on his hips.

"But Zim, uh-" she stuttered, "It's not that simple! It's not something you do just because someone else does!"

"If it's something humans can handle, then so can ZiM! What's the big deal anyway, it's just rubbing, no? So it's like making out, but down there, right?" he dismissed her worries.

Driver looked at him with huge eyes. Was… was that a dream? What was going on? When had their roles reversed?

"No, Zim! Sex is much more intense than making out! It's the most intense physical experience one can have! Not to mention the emotional toll! And-"

"Yeah, exactly, you see, all the good things you've said about it have gotten me curious!" Zim interrupted her, and to be frank, that was a wee bit true too, "And now I wanna do it too!"

"Zim, you- it doesn't work like that!" she shook her head. "It's not something you do just because you're curious, or because other people do it, or because you can 'handle it'. You really have to wanna do it!"

"I do wanna do it! I JUST said so!" he retorted.

"Just five seconds ago you were saying no!"

"I changed my mind! Can't a ZiM just change his mind?!" he spoke louder.

"Zim, I'm telling you for your own good!" she raised her voice back. "You don't know what you're getting into!"

Zim furrowed his brows in an angry expression.

"Why do you always have to be so patronizing with me?!" he growled.

"Uh-!"

That line left Driver paralyzed.

"I said I wanna do it. Shouldn't that be enough?" Zim continued. "Is it so wrong to want to do it because it's a couple thing? Or because I'm curious? Most of the things I've done with you, I've done them for these same reasons, and everything has been fine so far! So I don't see what the issue is!"

"Yes, but..." she uncertainly mumbled. "I dunno. This is different-"

"Yeah, maybe, but I don't need your coddling!" Zim kicked down on the sofa for emphasis. "ZiM is perfectly capable of making his choices! And I wanna try this whole 'sex' thing out!"

Driver bit the inside of her cheek. She looked up at Zim, looking all confident in his own angry way.

He clearly didn't know what he was getting into.

But… if he said he wanted to try it out… who was she to question it? Admittedly… she did have a bit of a tendency to infantilize him. If he'd done the same to her, she would have been pretty annoyed too.

She should have on the contrary been flattered that he'd chosen for her to be his first experience, right? Maybe the initial scare he'd caught was only something temporary, caused by the abruptness of her actions! Now that he was completely informed and confident on the matter, who was she to question his words?

"… you're right, Zim. I'm sorry. I have been a little too overprotective over you" she admitted.

"Apologies accepted" Zim solemnly nodded. "So… let's just do it, okay?"

"Uh... right... now?" Was… was he for real? What had happened to him?!

"Yeah! You were going to do it anyway, right? … Also… reintroducing the matter later might be even more awkward!"

"That… IS true" she had to agree.

Well, after all… why not, anyway? If they were going to do it eventually, it might as well just be right now.

"Well, uh... okay, then" she nodded.

"Yeah, hmm hmm" he nodded back.

"Let's do it"

"Let's do it!" he echoed.

Silence fell between them again. They awkwardly looked each other in the eyes.

"Uhm..."

"Uhhh..."

"... you should probably start" Zim suggested.

"Right, yes" Driver nodded. "If anything makes you uncomfortable, say it right away"

"Okay"

"I'm serious. You gotta tell me if something-"

"I get it! Just don't make a big deal about it, and it won't be!" he waved his hand dismissively.

Driver bit her lips. Alright, then.

So she leaned in, and kissed him.

She tugged his shirt, gently nudging him back lying on the sofa.

Zim kissed her back, hands on her arms. So far, nothing particularly different that usual.

"Ah!" he suddenly broke their kiss. "Just for the record. How much is this gonna last?"

"Uh... it depends? It can go from like... twenty, thirty minutes, to a couple hours" she replied.

Dang. That was potentially very long in make out time.

"Alright!" he nodded. "You may continue"

"Uhm..." she reflected, "Do you want me to take your clothes off or... ehhh... do you wanna do it yourself?"

Oh crap. He had completely forgotten about the whole 'being naked' thing.

"Do I... have to be naked?" he asked with an awkward smile, "Isn't it just our crotches?"

"I mean... I guess not? We can just... take the pants off".

Zim nodded.

Driver was about to kiss him again, when something else came to her mind:

"Would you like to be on top?" she asked.

"Uh? What's that mean?" he asked back.

"Do you wanna be above me or below me while we do it?"

Zim pondered on it. Being above looked a lot less overwhelming, but… on the other hand… that would also mean exposing his naked crotch much more clearly to her.

The image of his naked butt being out for her to easily see flashed into his mind, making him yell:

"Below! Hehe!" he let out an awkwardly hysterical chuckle, "Below is fine!"

Driver nodded, trying to hide her worry for him. Though she should have expected him to act tough even -no, especially during a moment like this.

Still, she was gonna try and make him get in the mood as much as possible: she softly kissed his lips again. Slowly, she trailed down his neck. To his chest, to his belly. And even though he still had his clothes on, he could feel every movement very clearly.

She took the edge of his pants, and started lowering them; her thumbs brushed against his naked buttocks as they pulled them down to his knees. She took a look at his crotch, and… stared at it, unsure on what to do.

A shiver ran through Zim's body as he felt the skin of that area being out in the air for the first time in so long; he took a deep breath, eyes pointed straight at the ceiling. He'd never felt so exposed to someone else. But at least the hard part, getting naked in the first place, had passed, and-

"Uhhh, Zim? You are male, right?" she asked.

The sudden uncertainty in her voice made him lift his head up to look at her: she was there, looking down between his naked legs, and- oh, man. The morning light was so bright, she surely must be able to see ALL of it SO well.

"W-What?" he timidly asked. He really wished he hadn't looked down.

Driver's eyes scooped his crotch for ANY signs of a genital apparatus, but… the only thing remotely resembling one down there was a slit in his skin which looked an awful lot like a… well...

"You are male, aren't you?" she repeated. "Because, uh, if you aren't, we can stop right now, pretend none of this ever happened, and then in fifty years this is gonna be the funniest story ever to tell at parties-"

"Of course I am!" he protested, "It's on my ID!"

Or… at least he thought so? He'd never thought too much of his sex. What did it even have to do with sex-oooh! So THAT'S why it was called that...

"Hmmm..." she reflected. She'd probably come to a conclusion way too fast. Maybe Irkens were one of those species who kept them inside… some males didn't even have one!… which would have been incredibly unfortunate, for the both of them.

She raised one hand, and gently, lightly touched that slit with slow, circular motions.

Zim looked away again. Watching her touch him was way too much for him too handle.

"Do you feel anything?" she asked.

"Y-yeah"

"I mean, do you feel any pleasure?"

"Oh... then no" he shook his head.

She stopped her fingers. Maybe he wasn't aroused enough.

"Would you feel more comfortable if I undressed?" she proposed.

Zim turned back to her, antennae perked up and eyes widened. Driver, naked? In front of him?!

"U-uh, I-I mean… I don't know, I guess if, uhhh-"

Driver took her nightgown's edge and casually started raising it. The simplicity with which she uncovered her legs, her belly button, and her chest made the whole scene seem even more unreal. There was so… much… SKIN. Way more skin that she'd ever shown him.

When he saw a glimpse of two darker spots on her chest, he immediately averted his eyes, feeling that it was inappropriate for him to stare at her like that.

Driver threw her nightgown aside, now completely naked aside from her panties, but… he wasn't looking at her at all.

"Zim? Are you okay?" she asked.

"Y-yeah, sure!" he tried his best to sound convincing. "Just continue. I just… need to get used to this".

Driver put her hand back on the slit, and Zim fought with all his strength his instinctive urge to close his legs together. What was the problem? Couldn't they just… rub crotches, and get it over with? Was something more supposed to… happen, down there?

"How about this?" she tried spread the slit of skin with her fingers, rubbing right between them. Though… that didn't look very pleasant: there was still no clear sign of genitals, and his skin was extra dry down there. Maybe there was nothing down there after all, like he'd said-

"Oh, yeah!" she surprisingly heard him say. "I think you're doing it, yes! Go on" he nodded.

Oh… good, then.

Too bad that that'd been a big fat lie on Zim's part: those touches weren't at all pleasurable. In fact… they were a bit to theuncomfortable side.

Just endure it, he told himself. She's done so much for you. You can endure a bit of skin rubbing.

Her finger tried to dig a bit deeper in his skin.

"How about this?" she asked.

"Y-yeah, I think I'm ready for the rubbing part!" he confirmed with a strained smile, mostly because that movement had officially tipped the scales towards the uncomfortable plate.

That made sense to Driver, though. Her finger's tip could touch a type of skin that was definitely different from the one he had on the outside: softer, hotter, and a little bit moister. So maybe she was doing it right!

Her finger rubbed more deeply, and Zim held in a gasp.

That had hurt.

He gritted his teeth. Maybe it only hurt in the beginning-

Her finger kept rubbing, and the causing a stinging, burning friction with his skin.

Zim finally looked down: Driver was naked. And she was all focused on his body. From that angle, he could see her hand only from the wrist down, moving against his body. That sight almost made his nauseous: he reminded him of his nightmares about a human scientist strapping him to an operative bed and digging in his insides.

Zim tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes shut.

Just suck it up. You can't tell her it doesn't actually feel good: you've lied to her already, thrice. You'll look even more like a dummy if you give up now. Just think about something else!

But when he tried to distract himself, his first thought was: what would have another Irken thought, if they'd seen him like that, half naked and legs spread open, squirming under a human's touch?

He immediately tried to suppress that thought, but it came back right away and stayed there, at the forefront of his mind, like it'd been glued there.

He tried closing his eyes, and he tried opening them: still, the only image they saw was that of his fellow Invaders and Irkens, reacting in various degrees of disgust and horror as they watched him attempting to… mate with someone.

Another burning sting of pain struck his crotch.

He clenched his fists. He'd never had a problem so far, repressing the thought of the other Irkens' judgment on his 'activities' with Driver, so why was he now?!

Well… probably because this was the most un-Irken thing he had ever done. And that was saying a lot.

Maybe getting closer, hugging, and even kissing could have been explainable. Albeit with difficulty.

But this? Opening his naked crotch for someone to see? Fornicating? With an alien?!

His heart and breath raced, panic settling in his chest.

Why did I agree to this Irkens can't have sex I'm not built for it It hurts I must look ridiculous I don't know what I'm doing why did I say yes this is so embarrassing what if the TALLEST saw this oh Irk that's DISGUSTING I-

"D-Driver?" Zim called to her.

Driver looked up, surprised at how coarse his voice sounded. Initially, she thought he may propose to switch position, since that one clearly wasn't working for them, but then she saw his face: he didn't look good at all. In fact, he almost looked nauseous.

"Can we stop?" he asked her with a miserable, trembling voice.

"YES!" she immediately withdrew. "YES, of course!"

Zim lifted himself up, and calmly put his pants back in place, face down. Driver herself fetched her nightgown, using it to hide her torso.

"Er- uhm-" she stammered, trying to find something to say.

Oh God. What had happened? What had she done wrong? Had she hurt him? Or maybe-

Zim jumped off the sofa, and looked straight at her.

His face was absolutely impassible. It was so unexpected, whatever she was going to say died in her throat right away.

To be true, he too had suddenly felt devoid of any and all emotion, if not for one: relief that he'd get to stop that… thing they were doing, and get out of that room.

"I must go back to the laboratory" he stated.

"Uh- uhm, er, y-yeah! Yeah, sure!" Driver nodded. "Good, uhm. Have a good day at work, Zim"

"Good day to you, Driver" he nodded back.

And with that, Zim turned away. He walked out the living room and disappeared into the kitchen nearby. After a short while, she heard the sound of the teleporter being activated.

She clenched her fingers around the nightgown's fabric. It had happened so quickly, she'd barely realized that she was all alone again on her planet.

Purpose Evaluation Day had finally come.

All the graduating smeets were lined in front of the judges: there were three of them, dressed up all scarily, in dark colors, with high collars hiding most of their faces. They were sitting on three levitating chairs, on an elevated plane compared to them, enhancing their intimidating factor. Though to be fair, all adults were very scary.

ZiM wasn't too worried about it though. He was so excited, he barely even listened to their opening speech -all stuff that he knew already, anyway, about how important Purpose Evauation Day was, and how crucial their good performance was for the Empire and bla bla bla, hadn't they gone over that stuff already a million times?!

"Alright" the one in the middle finally announced at the end of that speech. "Let us start with-"

"ME! ME!" ZiM started jumping, "ZIM WILL START!"

"Have patience, child" the judge to the right admonished him, "We have a list to go through!"

"Now" the middle one continued, "Step forth Smeet Unit Aar-"

Aar took one step forward, and Zim immediately pushed him rolling on the floor.

"ZiM shall start!" he repeated, shaking up his Total Annihilation Machine, "I'm the only one fit to graduate among them anyway!"

The three judges had all glared at him. The middle one spoke again:

"Smeet Zim, your failure to comply will be-"

"The only thing ZiM fails at is failing!" ZiM had run in the space between the Evaluators and the other smeets. "Now behold my Total Annihilation Machine!"

The left one tilted his head in curiosity.

"What is that?" he asked.

"Why, thanks for asking! This MARVEL of mass destructive technology seeks out any enemy in its range, and DESTROYS them with the best suited, automatically selected method out of thirty!" he recited the speech he'd played in his head many times over.

"That is pretty impressive" the left judge nodded.

Yes! The first compliment from an adult! With more to come, for sure!

The middle judge sighed.

"Very well. Can you give us a demonstration, Zim?" he asked.

"But of course!" ZiM happily jumped on top of the cylindrical machine.

He pointed a finger up at the ceiling, and spoke:

"And for my demonstration's assistants, I'd like to call..." he moved his index finger behind him, pointed straight at the other smeets.

"My smeetmates" he grinned.

The whole class collectively widened their eyes at him.

"Wait, what?" the left judge exclaimed.

"Are you joking?" the right judge echoed.

"Of course not! See, this is the best AND fastest way to PROVE to you that I am the BEST of my class!"

"No, Zim, stop!" "Don't do that!" "Stop it, you idiot!" the voices of his classmates begged him for mercy.

"Sorry, guys! Grades come first!" he innocently smiled as he activated the machine with a touch of his foot: its thirty different layers all whirred and turned, unleashing thirty different types of ammos -fire, bullets, acid, poisonous ants and twenty-six more- on ALL the people in the room. ALL the people. Even the judges. Ooops. He totally should have added them as an 'exception' like he'd done with himself...

But it was already too late: the room had already been thrown into a bsolute chaos. People running and screaming as they were shot at, burned, and eaten alive by murderous bugs. Projects -clearly inferior projects- falling to the ground. Lamp bots exploding, panels falling from the walls and ceiling.

Once every single Irken in the room had been incapacitated, either knocked unconcious, on fire, or paralyzed from fear and pain, the machine automatically settled down and turned off.

"YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM!" ZiM boasted. "This PROVES, without a doubt, that MINE was the BEST project out of all of them! Just look! None of them could stand against my invincible GENIUS! Right, judges?"

Left judge moaned in pain, his cape on fire. Righ judge glared at him from behind one of the ruined, previously-floating chair. Middle judge was nowher to be seen. Oh, well. Two out of three was a good result, right?

Suddenly, two long lines of security and medical bots entered the room from two doors on either of its sides, their sirens blasting loudly as they hastily made their way to ZiM's injuried classmates.

"Oh?! A graduation charade? Neat!" ZiM cheered.

Suddenly, someone grabbed him from behind, by his collar. They pulled him off his machine, and turned him towards them, his little legs powerlessly swinging in the air.

ZiM's heart jumped in his throat as he saw middle judge's furious eyes scowling at him from but an inch from his own, his clothes all ripped and one of his antennae still on fire.

Had he... done something wrong?

"You are NOT going to graduate from ANYTHING, you little monster!" he hissed.

"Wh... what?" ZiM asked. Had he heard him right?! "You- you mean I'm not passing?!"

"Security bot!" the judge waved him in the air like a ragdoll, catching the attention of one of the bots. "Take this one to the Isolation Cell!"

"What?! No! You still have to give me a purpose!" ZiM protested, flailing his arms and legs around.

"Right, guys?!" he tried calling to his fellow classmates.

But as he scooped the room for help, he didn't find any form of support from them: even among the ones who were still conscious enough to look at him, all he could see in their eyes were anger, scorn, and disgust. Even Skoodge, who had an arrow poking out of the top of his head, gave him a disappointed look from a far away corner of the room.

The security robot's huge, dark, ominous figure approached, its metal arms extending to grab him and take him away.

ZiM's limbs fell limp.

The terrible realization dawned on him with all its painful, heavy weight: he had failed.