A.N. This chapter is a hot mess. I hope you can find something good in it. But after 8 months of staring at it and editing it to oblivion, I am done with this chapter. I apologize if it doesn't flow well with the rest of the story. This was the hardest 3000 words I have ever dealt with. lol I just could never get this one right.
Here are some mood setting songs: BANKS- Contaminated, Godless, SRSQ-Temporal Love :)
Present
"Who's Liv? Who's Elliot?"
Alex paled when Eric asked her that one morning. Apparently, some of her dreams were not only recurring but heard.
"They're friends I used to know." She left it at that and never spoke of it with him again. More accurately, refused.
*Click*
At the sound of the bathroom door Alex looked over.
Drying her face with a white hand towel Olivia approached, silently heading to the couch.
What were they supposed to do now?
The air staled.
Why did she bring up the shooting in the first place? It shouldn't have been the first thing they talked about after just meeting again. The beauty of Wisconsin or what her life was like in the suburbs, those were safe conversation starters. But she didn't have time to waste with Liv. There was no certainty that she'd be able to stay in Manhattan.
This night was a chance, one chance.
Taking the towel from her face, Olivia caught Alex's gaze with a sudden halt in her steps.
Alex stared, time passing her; the detective's damp hair and slicked bangs mesmerizing her. It was such a simple sight but inspired so many feelings at the first time seen; Olivia's subtle but striking masculine edge seeming to be one of the woman's many gifts. 'She's…'
"What?"
Olivia's voice snapped her to reality before she could find a proper word to describe...whatever the detective was in that moment. Her heart thumped…but only because she'd been caught. Right?
Of course, that was the logical reason. Alex glanced down, letting go of the breath she'd unknowingly captured in her chest.
"Something wrong?"
That gentleness to Olivia's voice...the woman had a way of speaking as though she knew there was something that needed to be said.
Alex looked up, meeting the detective's concerned gaze.
Those beautiful eyes…had seen so much, but still managed to retain some humanity. Once dubbed the Ice Queen, she sometimes wondered if the same could be said for her. She had a bad habit of losing touch with her softer side. Empathy, patience, and compassion were never priorities; emotions were messy. And it was typically Olivia who caught her oversteppings and corrected her when the law clouded her conscience.
Balance, Olivia forced her to find it over the years, even when others willed her to remain true to the law. Donnelly, her greatest mentor…and greatest example of how their practice calloused the heart but fortified the mind.
Her opposite in many ways, Olivia kept her tethered. To what and why? She couldn't explain yet.
Alex sighed. Such deep, involved thoughts for someone so oblivious to her inner turmoil, nothing could feel more troubling.
"Alex?"
The room's dim light masked the slight glassy, pink tint coloring the whites of Olivia's eyes, but Alex still saw it. "Nothing." Her brow tensed as she turned back to the window. "So, what do you know about Connors?"
"That he's a remorseless, self-righteous prick." Olivia continued to the couch, tossing the towel to the coffee table. "He had no problem shooting an eight-year-old in the head. That should tell you what kind of scum he is, if the file doesn't already." Olivia bent over, wedging out of her shoes and setting them aside, her hair falling from its loosely slicked position.
'She's gorgeous.' Alex finally admitted it, setting the file on the windowsill, color and warmth rising to her pale cheeks.
"Your testimony will stick him behind bars for good."
"…That's not set in stone." Her words an automatic response, Alex let her eyes traipse along Olivia's figure, her hands itching to touch the woman's skin, to explore its nuances and feel the life beneath her fingers. 'Liv.'
Standing up, Olivia pushed the hair from her face and looked right into Alex's eyes. "You'll figure it out." She answered with not a falter to her words; the silver glow of city lights caressing Olivia's cheek, shimmering bleakly in her gaze.
"You sure do have a lot of faith in me detective." Alex's feet started moving before she could properly think.
"Because I know you." Olivia flashed an alluring, crooked grin that only drew Alex in further; her smirk to Olivia's proud response short-lived, as was Olivia's quickly fading smile.
A frown emerged on Olivia's face, the woman's eyes darting about, glancing past Alex's shoulder; the detective probably deciding how to escape.
"Alex…"
Alex ignored Olivia's cautious tone.
Fear, she saw it that night. It was the last glimpse of the detective's eyes she got before everything went black. And here it was again, as turmoil gathering in Olivia's gaze. Not the terror she remembered but present none the less.
But wait…
Another peculiar emotion surfaced in that gaze and kept drawing her forward. She couldn't place it. Olivia wanted something, she just hoped it was the same thing.
Her relationship with Olivia was always…unique; Olivia's sideways glances were about the only thing that unnerved her when she started as the precinct's A.D.A six years ago. She pawned off the peculiar feeling between them as hostility. Olivia wasn't a fan of new people.
Olivia pushed her, made her mad, had her doubting decisions and rethinking situations. But before long, the detective became the most frequent guest to her office, with rare days where they didn't see each other at least once.
It was one of Olivia's visits where she caught herself sizing the detective's form, noting—with a smile—the clothes and colors that looked best on her; that midnight blue button down one of her favorites.
Intentions were innocent, until her thoughts began to wander as she became comfortable with the detective's presence. Olivia was always welcome in her office—even when she wasn't; Alex seldom tired of the woman and the familiar warmth that trailed into the room after her.
How wonderful it would be to relax in Olivia's embrace, if just once; the recurring thought leaked into her dreams. She just wanted to put her head on Olivia's shoulder, close her eyes, and drift. In Olivia's arms she believed she could find relief, taking a moment to collect herself before getting back to work.
Alex stopped in front of a puzzled gaze searching her own. She reached out, taking the detective's arm.
"What is it?"
Funny, Olivia didn't sound surprised when she asked that.
With her other hand Alex brushed back the damp locks of Olivia's hair, slow and tender; her fingertips grazing the detective's cheek. The suffocated breath she held within her chest soundlessly escaped from between her lips, soft and easy.
Eric didn't make her heart thump like this, didn't make her feel so utterly powerless. Olivia gave her renewed purpose, and suddenly those small, mundane things couples did seemed a lot less menial when it had meaning.
Holding Olivia's hand, she'd like that. Giving the detective pecks on the cheek before they parted ways, she'd like that too. Knowing Olivia was hers, she couldn't ask for more.
Alex smiled.
How stupid an idea it was to think she could walk away and turn her back on Liv forever. Somehow, this person would always be a part of her life.
Taking Olivia's face Alex rushed in, meshing their lips. Olivia stepped back and she stepped forward, holding on tighter, not wanting to lose the rapture beginning to stir the atmosphere, pin pricks electrifying her skin.
She couldn't let go.
Olivia grabbed Alex's wrists and pushed back, tearing the kiss apart, breaking whatever trance had befallen the former prosecutor as she stared—shocked—into Alex's eyes; their chests' rise and fall heavier than before. "What's gotten into you—"
"I…" A rush of emotion hit Alex as she looked to the hands still around her wrists. Her breath shuddered and she pulled from Olivia's grasp, turning her back to the detective.
'What have I done?' A chill rushed down her spine. She paced about, flustered, trying to keep from growing frantic. 'You went too far, why couldn't you just be happy with friendship?' Her gut twisted, hands covering her mouth in disbelief. 'Face her. You have to face her. Fix what you've done.' She took a deep breath and turned to Olivia. "I am so sorry…I-I don't know what came over me."
Olivia's furrowing brow sent another chill down her spine, but a gentle understanding slipped into the gaze that sized her, inspecting every aspect it could see, assumedly to make sense of her intentions. Olivia wasn't one to take being caught off guard easily.
Olivia's jaw clenched and she looked down, searching the floor as though for an answer as her hand lifted and nursed the back of her neck.
"I hope I didn't ruin anything between us."
Olivia said nothing to make her think otherwise.
"I just had to know..."Alex watched her. If only she could know what was going on in the detective's head. "It's selfish, I know but…" She just rambled now. "But that gives me no right to do what I did." Her heart skipped as Olivia started towards her. She held her ground but glanced down, sock-clad feet stopping less than an arm's length away. She swallowed the lump in her throat and lifted her gaze, expecting to see those brown eyes boring into her soul, but Olivia's focus turned elsewhere, studying her lips. "Say something Liv."
The detective took her waist and pulled her close.
'Oh my God.'
The hair on the back of Alex's neck stood as Olivia's lips pressed to hers.
As her surprise faded, Alex smiled.
The precinct, Liv smelled of it; New York's musk an afterthought locked into her clothes as the wet tips of Olivia's hair grazed her cheek and sent shivers down her neck.
With a surge of confidence, Olivia deepened the kiss.
'Is this happening?' Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and Olivia gripped her waist, starting them in a new direction.
Seemingly random, Alex didn't follow where in the room their messy footsteps were headed; her hands sliding down, drawing the detective's shirt into her fists. 'This is happening.'
Hot, cold, her sensations were all over the place; a muddled, undecipherable mess whisking throughout her body.
Her heel hit an obstacle; her steps thwarted.
They crashed into each other, a thrust sending Alex into the wall as Olivia's momentum rushed her.
*clunk*
She wasn't pinned to a wall…but the door; Alex barely realized her back landed against the wood, but the violent jar of the lock within its enclosure gave it away.
Olivia closed any gap between them and kept kissing, wouldn't let up—not that Alex wanted her to as Olivia's hand curled around her shoulder.
However, a single returned kiss, maybe a chaste declaration—that's all she hoped for. But she'd tossed fuel onto a flickering flame, and in its ignite it consumed her as well.
In Olivia's greedy embrace her heart pounded and everything became a blur, even the kiss.
This wasn't the reserved detective from the precinct…this person was everything Olivia held back, every starved aspect of her being.
Drawing the last bits of air from emptying lungs, Alex tightened her grip around Olivia's shirt, pulling as though she could siphon a few breaths from the woman in her grasp; Olivia's thigh grazing the inside of hers.
'God Liv.' Her clothes burned against her skin as an ache between her legs weakened her knees. As if attuned to her needs, the detective's hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, clutching her waist, keeping her from sinking to the floor.
Alex's chest tightened with each passing moment. She didn't want to let go, she couldn't. But…
Alex broke the kiss with a gentle gasp, lifting her gaze past Olivia's shoulder to the full panel windows across the room, where they once stood just moments ago. Twinkling hues of amber and white, blurs of city lights—she assumed—caught her gaze yet she focused on none of it; Olivia kissing the crook of her neck was everything that mattered.
Chest to chest, Olivia had to feel her heart beating; the detective's warm breaths teasing her skin.
Traveling up the length of her neck, each kiss lingered just long enough to stir frustration. With anyone else this would've already escalated into more—quick and to the point. They'd probably be nearly done about now, the sex just sex. But each new card Olivia played, deepened her intrigue. Alex wanted to feel every moment; Olivia awakening sensations she didn't know were there. 'How does she know exactly what to do?'
A kiss landed in the right spot, desire rising to the depths of Alex's throat as her skin drew into Olivia's mouth.
She couldn't contain it.
"Liv." Alex moaned and a second later the same woman trying to devour her pushed off the door and let her go.
'Wait Liv I didn't mean to—What am I thinking? Yes I did, and I'd do it again. I want to do it again.'
Her empty hands trembled as she recovered her breaths and watched Olivia's back; the detective pacing, running a hand through her hair before coming to a stop and planting the same hand on her hip.
Their chests heaved; their soft, huffed breaths mixing with the silence.
They couldn't leave it at that.
Alex pushed off the door, finding her balance. Whatever that was she needed more; her eyes locked on the troubled detective. She started towards Olivia slow but confident, and after a deep breath Olivia turned to her.
"Alex—"
"No…" Alex shook her head. "Don't start that." She stepped closer.
"What—"
"Thinking."
Olivia stopped her with a hand between them, albeit a weak attempt. "Alex please…we're friends—"
"Just let it happen…things have already changed." Alex closed the distance, Olivia's hand against her stomach, the detective's tentative gaze searching hers.
"Liv." Alex carefully took Olivia's wrist, not wanting to scare her off, but also, not wanting to let her go. This wasn't a bump, brush, or friendly pat in passing back at the precinct. None of this could be mistaken for anything platonic or accidental.
"Please Liv." She whispered, taking Olivia's face into her hands gently, guiding the woman's lips to hers. Olivia's hand slid into the comfortable curve of her waist. This time the kiss was different, tender. Olivia tried to "do it right", they both did, making sure there was more than just lust between them.
Alex glanced to the bed in the corner of her eye. "Come on." She broke the kiss and took Olivia's hand.
"Alex—"
Alex stopped and pulled the detective to her, silencing Olivia with another kiss as she backtracked to the bed one foot after the other until the edge of the bed met the backs of her legs.
She broke the kiss again, and this would be the last time she did. Alex eased onto the bed, glancing into Olivia's eyes as she pulled the woman to her.
Olivia on all fours hovering over her was a sight that raised an overwhelming number of emotions.
Her breath caught in her chest again, exhilaration racing her heart so fast she thought it might stop. What an embarrassing moment that would be if it did.
She pulled Olivia down—maybe too fast; their teeth clicking in this new hungry kiss.
Olivia's hand slid to the small of her back; a mostly smooth palm, traipsing along her skin, and Alex couldn't help but arch to Olivia's desires; the ache between her legs intensifying, hurting but pleasing at the same time.
God if she'd known their kiss would be this enthralling…
Who she was, where she was melted away, and Alex smiled, grabbing the detective's belt to pull her closer.
Olivia resisted, breaking the kiss a moment later.
'What?' Alex's brow tensed as she searched Olivia's eyes. Adoration, want, hesitance, uncertainty…so much swarmed the detective's gaze. But it was a semblance of fear that sobered Alex the most. Olivia was ruminating over making a mistake. She knew because she had the same thoughts. Maybe she was just better at pushing them away.
Their friendship meant so much…but this felt right too.
Alex inwardly sighed, slipping her hands under Olivia's shirt; Olivia's desire-warmed skin hot against her palms.
"What is it Liv?" She spoke soft, her fingers rubbing tender back and forths into the woman's skin.
Olivia lifted her gaze away from her as she stared at the wall, losing herself in thought. Alex looked between their bodies, the chest above hers recovering from its heaving breaths; the detective's gold necklace hanging between them, standing out in striking contrast against the woman's caramel tan skin.
Olivia wasn't going to answer her question. An answer would mean admitting something she wasn't ready to. A tender, understanding smile lifted the corner of Alex's mouth. "Hey." She pulled her hands from beneath Olivia's shirt and took the sides of Olivia's face. "Look at me."
Olivia did.
"Stop worrying." Her thumbs stroked Olivia's cheeks as the necklace's glimmer caught her eye.
Olivia hung her head and grinned. "Look who's telling me that."
"Exactly."
Olivia took a hand from her face and kissed the inside of the woman's wrist. When their eyes connected the look in Olivia's had changed. She'd made her decision, but not her peace. Leaning down, Olivia kissed her.
This was it.
Alex pulled Olivia's hips to hers and Olivia didn't hesitate, even as Alex's grip tightened around the belt, her fingers curling into the detective's jeans; a toe-clenching anticipation setting in as Olivia relaxed against her.
Olivia trapped her in another strong embrace, and Alex groaned her frustration.
She had to feel her…now.
Alex rolled them over, touching her forehead to Liv's as she pulled Olivia's belt apart. Working at the button and zipper beneath, Alex smirked at the faint, fresh smell of Olivia's shampoo; the tip of her nose grazing the detective's hair as she kissed Olivia's ear on her way down.
She ignored the way her heart ached, pressing a kiss boldly to the crook of Olivia's neck. Reality tried to push its way back to the forefront of her mind, telling her she was in too deep, telling her she wouldn't be able to stay, and scolding her for not seeing what they had earlier.
"Alex." Olivia called her name in the most relieved way, washing away those thoughts. They would resurface when this moment between them ended. But right now the only thing that mattered was giving the woman in her grasp what she wanted, and everything she deserved. Her name on Olivia's lips her precious end-all.
A.N. I feel shitty about cutting it here. In truth, this was much longer...by about 2000 words.