Juice Ortiz never believed a situation would come around that made him consider change a good thing - to him, change had always meant that things were falling apart. It meant shit was going down the crapper. But when he realized in the days after the drive to Tiburon that Denise, quite frankly, was still very much unchanged in many ways left him incredibly uneasy. Just like old times, she was troubled, she was scared. Just like old times, she refused to talk about it. And just like old times, Juice didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do to try and fix it.
It was in these days that followed where Juice realized the one thing he didn't miss about Denise: the words, "I'm fine."
It was her response to absolutely everything, most especially in times when she was not fine at all. It always had been, and it was always a lie. Juice knew that she wasn't sleeping well, because he didn't hear her snoring over in the next room, since she'd been sleeping with Sofia in the nursery since she'd moved back in. He'd come back from TM at the end of the day, or back from chapel sometime in the evening, and he would swear that she looked like she'd been crying, but she was always "fine".
Two o'clock on a Friday morning, Juice wandered out into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water when he spotted her seated at the kitchen counter with her laptop, her hair tied up into a messy bun. There were dark circles under her eyes, but from her focused gaze on the screen, going to bed didn't seem to be in her immediate plans.
"I've got photos to edit, I'm way behind," she explained, anticipating the line of questioning that was going to come from Juice because it was the interrogation she always received. "Hey, could I borrow your eye for a sec? The lighting on this one seems -"
But before she could finish her sentence, Juice had walked over and pushed her laptop shut, raising his eyebrows somewhat defiantly. Denise's face puckered in annoyance now that Juice had, for the first time since she'd come back, actually challenged her on something. He'd just been so accomodating until now that she was starting to get used to it. But now - judging by the expression on his face, the ceasefire was coming to an end.
"Fine," Denise said shortly, throwing her hands up a little bit. But the word 'fine' - Juice let out a humorless laugh, despite his intentions to remain calm.
"Fine. Dee, do you know what that word means?" he asked with an almost snide smile. "Because -"
"Are you Princess Bride-ing me right now?" she asked, raising an eyebrow - when they had first found out she was pregnant, they had watched the movie every day at Denise's insistence, so she clearly knew the reference. You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.
Any other time, it would have been funny. Hilarious, even. There'd been a time when she'd never let his pop culture references go by without laughing at them, but right now, she could glean no humor from the fact that he was using them against her.
"You disappear for a year and you think I'm just gonna forget the shit you do?" Juice asked seriously, crossing his arms. "Because this is you. This is trademark you. You pull the 'I'm fine' out of your ass every time, even though you know I fuckin' see you. Everyone sees you. You don't eat, you don't sleep. It's the same every time!" he said, unconsciously taking a step closer to her. "Just like when..."
When he first left her, he was unable to say. When he'd left her in Charming and she'd come after him, when she'd been attacked by her own brother and left mutilated on the side of the interstate. She'd been a mess like this back then too. Her jaw clenched as she caught onto what he was saying, and she crossed her arms as well, looking away from him and shaking her head.
He'd called her bluff - he'd never done it, even before. Juice had always let Denise get away with saying or doing what she wanted, and that was, perhaps the biggest change in him since they'd last been together. He'd grown. He'd started to become a stronger person, and at any other time, Denise would have been happy to hear it. Right now, however, being confronted was the last thing she wanted. Her shoulders shrugged in defeat.
"I wanted Sofia to grow up away from all this. I wanted it to be over," she said honestly, shaking her head. "Even if it meant -"
"Being away from me?" Juice supplied. "Yeah. I get it," he nodded. But, instead of letting it go, he spoke up again after a brief pause, adding only two more words to the thought. "Kind of."
"Kind of?" Denise repeated, enraged and incredulous. "Hold on, what do you mean, kind of?"
Little did Denise realize, this, too was an intentional move on Juice's part because he did indeed know her better than anyone else, and he wanted so much to have her again - but the key to having her wasn't to make her happy. It was to make her honest. And with Denise, honesty came first with anger than with anything else.
"Okay," Juice said, the defiant expression returning to his face as he took a few stalking steps closer to the petite woman in front of him. "You wanna know what I kinda don't get? I kinda don't get why Jax got to be Uncle Jackie before I got to be Daddy - why was it okay for him to be in Sofia's life before I was? Because you know what, Dee? It fuckin' killed me, hearing people talkin' about how Jax just came back from seein' you somewhere, that he got to feel my daughter kick, to meet her, everythin' I should've been there for -"
"Jax never had an obligation to put us first - Jax never let me down like you did because he wasn't the one I was counting on," Denise hissed fiercely, only striving to keep her voice down for the sake of not waking Sofia in the nursery. "I was counting on you, Juice. I was counting on you to put me and the baby before Chibs, before the club, and you didn't - and then, when the shit hits the fan, who do you call? Me. You called me -"
"And I'm sorry!" Juice said, flinging his arms out. "I've been sorry, and you woulda fuckin' known that if you hadn't disappeared off the face of the fuckin' earth!"
"Like I'm the only one who's ever run away?"
"That has nothing to do with this!" Juice said, not realizing that by this point, he and Denise were barely inches away from one another, right in one another's faces. "If you're gonna fight me, at least fuckin' fight fair! Don't bring up every single time I've fucked up just to win -"
"You think I care about winning? You think that's what this is about? I don't want to fight you, Juice! Jesus..." Denise said, shaking her head and looking away. She let out a huff and took a step as if to leave until Juice caught her by the crook of the arm and didn't allow her to. Her eyes glinted angrily again, narrowing in his direction. At first, he'd thought himself capable of just egging her on, ticking her off for the sake of getting a little bit of honesty from her. But now?
"Don't walk away from me, Dee -"
"Don't tell me what to -"
"If you don't want to get along, and you don't want to fight, then what the fuck do you want?!"
"You -"
The word tumbled out of Denise's mouth in the heat of the moment before she was able to help it, and she leapt back as though she'd been burned, her eyes wide at her lack of control. Juice blinked in disbelief as well, clapping a hand over his mouth and wiping away at the corners of his lips.
He took a breath before stepping closer to Denise, who still looked as though she was caught in a state of shock. "Say it again," he said, his voice filled with an unfamiliar, gentle sort of authority that Denise was sure she'd never heard coming from him before. At first, Denise flinched and seemed as though she was considering the possibility of refusing. But then, the single word that came from her mouth, spoken now once she had the chance to reconsider, was likely the best, most beautiful sound Juice had heard in all of his life.
"You."
Neither would probably have been able to say who initiated, but in an instant, their lips had met almost violently, as though they'd long been resisting a magnetic force drawing them together until the pull was too much to bear. For the first time in a long time, Juice took in the citrusy scent of her shampoo, the warmth of her mouth, the urgency of her hands, gripping into his shoulders. He backed her gently a few paces and lifted her gently so she was sitting on the kitchen counter with her legs on either side of him.
It was only when he ran the palms of his hands cautiously over the fronts of her thighs and for the first time felt he prolonged sensation of her skin under his hands that he realized she was wearing those shorts - they were cotton shorts, and Denise had bought them one day from Wal-Mart for lack of anything comfortable to sleep in, but for whatever reason, Juice thought they were the hottest little number she owned.
He smirked a little against Denise's lips when he felt her gasp at his touch - but he was soon reminded that she gave as good as she got when she retaliated by raking her nails gently across the nape of his neck.
"Baby?" Juice said, pulling back only slightly and unable to stop his hands from roving over her waist as he spoke. "I love you..."
"Mm.."
"Say it back," he insisted, causing Denise to pull back slightly, her eyes hooded desirously but still managing to level him a questioning glance. "I want this - but not if it's just tonight. This doesn't happen if you can't say it back -"
Maybe it was the bravery that saying it took, maybe it was the challenge, maybe it was a singular moment of honesty and hope even though she knew that love wouldn't stop the shitstorm that was to come - but a small smile played at Denise's lips when she realized that right now, she didn't need to lie.
"I love you, Juice."
And that - the simple thing he'd been waiting over a year for, the single reward for all his time doing penance without his wife and daughter - was all he needed to hear.
Juice had always been amused by how quickly Denise was able to fall asleep after making love - and today, more than amusement was a sense of appreciation. She had fallen asleep on the couch, and while she slept, he'd gone back to the nursery to pick up Baby Sofia.
Now, sitting on the sofa holding both of his girl, his wife and his daughter, the center of his universe, he suddenly felt happy - no qualifiers. No 'except for', no 'but'. He planted a kiss on each of their heads.
This, he realized, was his family. Family. For so long, his only family had been the club, he wasn't sure that he would've known family when he had it - but he knew now. He knew now that as much as he loved SAMCRO, loved his brothers, this was a different feeling - he would give nearly anything for his brothers, sure. And indeed, there had been times when he'd put them first when he shouldn't have.
But, Juice realized, the difference was not so much about the people, but within himself. For Jax, for Chibs, for all of them, he gave and gave because he wanted to prove himself, he wanted to simply belong. Now, for Denise, for Sofia, however, he realized that he would give everything to them, do everything for them - because he just felt joy. Something inside him simply felt full and whole, seeing both of them here with him.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there on the couch with both of them in his arms, but Juice knew of course that Denise had to wake up eventually, and when she did, the sun was just barely beginning to cast a pink-tinged light through the kitchen window. She let out a small groan, followed by a yawn as she rubbed her eyes.
"G'morning," Juice piped in, and it took Denie a moment in her drowsy state to register everything. She looked down at herself, realizing she was wearing Juice's t-shirt, her own cotton shorts, and nothing else. She smiled a little and leaned over, first kissing Sofia's forehead, then brushing her lips against Juice's.
"G'mornin'," she echoed before getting up and heading over to the kitchen to prep a morning bottle for Sofia.
Juice was quickly reminded how beautiful he found his wife - not just hot, pop a boner at an awkward time sort of of attractive, even though that had proven itself to be true for him as well if he was being completely honest. It was in moments like this, completely relaxed, completely at home and giving no signs of going anywhere, that she was the most gorgeous to him because in these moments, it was most clear that she was his - she was imperfect, she was scarred, but even with all of this, she wasn't just something' To Juice, she was everything.
"What are you starin' at, Mister Ortiz?" Denise asked, casting a questioning glance over her shoulder as she shook the baby bottle and tested the temperature on the soft skin on the side of her hand. Juice snapped out of his trance and chuckled, cocking his head to one side.
"Just enjoyin' the view, Missus Ortiz."
A/N's
As you may be able to tell, the past couple of chapters have been my way of coping with a tough past few episodes and the impending series finale. The next chapters are going to be somewhat light (or, at least, mostly non-violent) because I'm estimating at about chapter 11 or 12, things are going to swing in a different direction. I can't say exactly where it'll happen, just because as I'm rewriting chapters, the events are spacing out a little differently while I have the opportunity to make edits and all.
Anyway, I am so, so, so grateful for all of your good feedback on the last chapter! Thank you all so much - I was worried that it was too much information to try and cram into a chapter, but hopefully the message got across that Marks and Charles are planning on a takeover (I envision them a little bit like Pinky and the Brain, except... you know, richer and more evil).
The next few chapters, which I'm working away at right now, will slowly ease back into the action and club business we either love or love to hate, so bask in these moments!
Also, I'm sure that I've plugged this before, but since I'm in the habit of giving fic recs to compensate for the fact that I lost chapters and can't always update, I want to point you all towards Love Ink's work - especially if you want a Juice fix! She has an excellent, excellent OC and an epic storyline in her fic, "Hands All Over" and its companion/backstory piece, "It Won't Be Soon Before Long".
Anyway, I'm squeezing in a little extra time between work and family stuff so I can rebuild all of the material I lost, so I'll do my best to keep the updates rolling! Until the next update, cheers!