She sees Delphine once every three to four weeks from then on and it does help. So Cosima tries her best not to picture it, Delphine's eye closed as she rotates her knee or tries increasing the mobility of her colon. It's uncomfortable, but she cracks jokes and tries to carry on. Even when it hurts. Two sessions later and the… less desirable results of her treatment hadn't faded yet.
Unfortunately when she closes her eyes she can picture her, Delphine leaned over her body, her hand resting under her sacrum. Cosima refuses to indulge the fantasy, refuses to use it in any way… but she keeps going back. It's been almost six weeks this time, as if Delphine is trying to wean her to the every 3-4 months schedule they discussed. Which, as her pain was well under control in comparison, seemed attainable. She didn't dare complain, and they'd gone from summer to winter.
Cosma closes her eyes and she can picture it. Her knee propped against Delphine's clavicle as she rotated her hip to work her obturator membrane. Delphine poking at her organs. Occasionally leaving small pink marks on her skin, from her fingernails.
She may have it bad. Really bad. But it's not like she can do anything other than show up for appointments and be friendly. She did get aroused, but couldn't quite bring herself to tell Delphine to stop praising her. Mostly out of embarrassment.
She'd shaved this morning, despite the cold weather in an effort to look good. She'd carefully chosen her underwear, trying to walk the line between appealing and overtly sexy. She'd even groomed her pubic hair to ensure no strays at her panty line.
She hated to admit it, but she wanted to look good for Delphine. Delphine who probably barely noticed what she was wearing and no doubt had worked on all kinds of people with all kinds of bodies.
Cosima's cheerfully entering the clinic when she stops at the coatrack near the door. Her evening appointments typically mean reception isn't present. The shoes are wrong, a smallish pair of boots sits on the mat beside the door. They are too small for Delphine's feet. Cosima takes off her own coat, and slips out of her boots. Maybe Delphine hadn't arrived yet? Maybe another therapist was working concurrent hours?
Maybe she'd gotten the day wrong? "Hello?"
"Hello Cosima. Good to finally meet you. I'm Elsa." A short fit middle aged woman greets her. Unlike Delphine she looks like she lives in expensive yoga pants.
"Where's Delphine?" Cosima struggles to contain her disappointment. "Hello Elsa."
"Well I'm long recovered now." Elsa laughs, her grey hair pulled back from her face in a bun. "I assure you, I am quite capable of continuing your care. First, how is your pain?"
"Umm better. Delphine did a great job."
"And pain during sex?"
"Not having it at the moment." Cosima admits. "Sex, that is… it might hurt still. But things are a lot better. I haven't had the opportunity to try."
"Great. We'll just do some maintenance work and I'll see you in 3-4 months."
"OK." Cosima strips down and gets back on the table. The adjustments are much the same, Elsa is professional and expedient, and the pain with some of them is exactly the same. But it's disappointing. She rests, closes her eyes and gets through the treatment.
"And done." Elsa announces happily. "I should tell you, unlike Delphine. I have worked… internally with some patients in the past. I was a physical therapist before I trained as an osteopath years ago. But… most of my patients opt out of that. I have a few forms I can send you electronically, if you want to pursue that."
"I don't want anything internal done." Cosima states firmly. She has no intention of letting this strange woman glove up and poke around her vagina. She wouldn't have let Delphine either, but that was for totally different reasons. "I don't think it's necessary."
"So we'll book again for three months from now? Visceral therapy only?" Elsa looks at her schedule. "I've got a slot in March on a Tuesday evening. 5 pm, does that work for you ?"
"I think I'll book with Delphine actually. We… we have a rapport now." Cosima shrugs in what she hopes is a nonchalant kind of way. She will definitely be booking with Delphine. But as a one-off, Elsa's treatment would likely be just as effective.
"Delphine's transferred you to me as a patient." Elsa tells her simply. "You'll be seeing me now."
"And I… don't get a say?" Cosima infers quickly.
"No. You don't get a say." Elsa looks at her and doesn't balk for a moment. "Delphine asked me to take you. She isn't comfortable continuing your care."
"Oh." Cosima lets out what she hopes is a noncommittal sound and quickly makes her payment electronically. She doesn't know what to do with this, so she gathers her belongings, slips back into her books and coat and leaves.
She wonders if Delphine could tell the effects the praising and proximity had on her body. If it had made Delphine deeply uncomfortable… or if her frequent flyer status had made Delphine think she needed a more experienced practitioner. Either way? She was fucked.
Delphine
Delphine wakes in the morning and stretches. Her routine is quiet here. Yoga, breakfast and a walk. The rented condo is a perfect home for the moment. A little pricier than she'd like, but affordable all the same. It was walkable and easy to get to work, and she could access most of what she needed without a car. Now if her husband would just buy her out already and let her own something here everything would be fine.
As if summoned, another text from Simon on her phone.
Appelle-moi SVP.
Delphine sighs, wondering what the hell Simon wants from her now. She dials the familiar number, and waits.
"Delphine! Bonjour… So… I have a problem." Simon switches to English and Delphine wonders if it is to hide the conversation from his coworkers or from Julie.
"What problem? Don't tell me you want to pay me even less for the house? My lawyer told you what I will accept. That and no less. You know the value has gone up. Paris is expensive." Delphine emphasizes. She needs the money. Truly. It was extremely inconvenient to have most of her assets tied up in a home she cannot even live in.
"Julie is pregnant." Simon speaks very softly, and Delphine quickly realizes he is still at work.
"What do you mean Julie's pregnant ?!" Delphine shakes her head, speaking into her phone. This makes no sense. It was Simon who didn't want children. It was Simon who told her, years into their marriage, when it finally came up that he had zero desire to be a father. It was Simon who made that decision. And as time went on it grated on her, along with his other lesser qualities. This isn't possible. Julie cannot be pregnant.
"Calme-toi, Delphine." Simon is dismissive. "You're getting what you want. I agreed to your lawyer's last counter offer. I even upped it. We'll finalize our divorce next month."
"How far along? How pregnant is she?" Delphine tries to keep her rage under control, but her voice shakes.
"Five months." Simon answers after a brief silence. "The baby is due in May. A boy, if you are wondering."
"Five months! And you're just giving in on the house now?" Delphine's voice raises again and she tries to consciously lower it. "Buy me out at my initial price. And I want our divorce papers signed by the end of the week."
"Julie wants me divorced before the baby comes. You understand."
"Understand?" Delphine shakes her head. "I don't understand at all… you… you…" Delphine stops for a moment. Simon isn't worth it. It's not. Why he'd want a baby with Julie and not with her makes zero sense, but there's no point. She cannot have this fight.
Simon sounds surprisingly calm with it all, which doesn't help. "Delphine, you understand these things… they just happen sometimes."
"They never just happened with us." Delphine retorts. She'd been careful, she knew Simon hadn't wanted children and certainly didn't want to conceive an unwanted pregnancy. She'd taken responsibility for it, despite her mixed feelings about never having children.
"Delphine… you're more ...responsible than Julie is. That is all. Either way. I need our divorce finalized."
"That much is clear." Delphine manages to get out through her anger. A ping from her phone shows an email from her lawyer, the offer being accepted, the money settled finally.
Delphine hangs up on Simon without a second thought. She cannot take another moment of it. She pictures it, the three of them, a little family living in her home.
She has a couple hours before her first patient and opts to stop at the coffee shop nearest to work. She removes her mask, fabric for now, a medical grade one awaits her at work. And settles down for her morning coffee.
Her mind spins and nothing makes any sense. Grief. Rage. Confusion. Resentment. She doesn't want Simon anymore. And she certainly wouldn't want to be pregnant by him. But Julie having his child enrages her. In her home no less. And then a voice sounds from behind her.
"Delphine."
Delphine looks up to see Cosima Niehaus approaching her table. And she lets out another sigh
"Hello Cosima." She tries to keep her voice level, calm. She hadn't thought much about Cosima since she'd asked Elsa to take her on as a patient. It was better than the alternative, Delphine thought.
"Why?" Cosima grabs a chair and sits across the table from her, without even asking. Her dreads are pulled back behind her face, and her glasses are on. It's a funny feeling to think you're not used to seeing someone fully dressed.
"Why what?"
"Why did you switch me, Delphine? What did I do?" Cosima looks angry, and it's one more thing she cannot handle.
Delphine sighs again. "You get aroused on my table, I cannot have you as a patient. I thought it was coincidental at first, but… it became clear you were becoming aroused. I thought you'd have an easier time with an older osteopath."
"But I don't like expect anything." Cosima argues. "I never would … any reactions I had were 100% involuntary."
"It doesn't matter." Delphine states. "Now you don't have to worry about it at all."
"You could have at least told me to my face." Cosima pouts at her, angrily and it's ridiculous. She does not have the energy for this.
Delphine begins to cry, and hates herself for it. Cosima is a former patient. She doesn't need to see this.
"Whoa… I am sorry." Cosima gets her attention by waving one of her hands just in her line of vision.
"I… I am having a hard day." Delphine responds through her tears.
"Come on… I'll buy you lunch. You look like you need to talk about it." Cosima seems so kind, so open and for the moment Delphine gives in. After all, Cosima's not a patient anymore.
"OK."
"OK. We'll get lunch nearby… Do you have work?" Cosima is kind and Delphine wonders if Cosima just reacts this way to crying women in general. She'll admit, she's amused by Cosima and her intellect. But that was all.
"In two hours."
"Plenty of time." Cosima nods. "Come with me."
And Delphine gets up and follows, at least she'll have someone to talk to. And maybe venting her frustrations at another human might feel better.
"So… I am assuming you're not crying over my confronting you." Cosima states calmly after they've ordered lunch.
"Non. I was crying over my… soon to be ex-husband and his new girlfriend."
"Ouch." Cosima winces sympathetically across the table. "So he moved on fast?"
Delphine nods. "Within six months of my leaving he was with Julie."
"Is there more?" Cosima prompts. Cosima takes a long sip of her water. And Delphine tries to remember why she'd agreed to this.
"She's 24…" Delphine sobs. "And Simon got her pregnant."
"Wow… OK." Cosima hovers a warm hand over one of hers. "So… this hurts you."
The contact doesn't bother her, and Delphine lets Cosima squeeze her hand gently.
"Yes. I didn't think it would. But it does." Delphine sighs, she should be done crying over this. Done crying over Simon.
"Have you thought about dating for yourself?" Cosima suggests quietly. "Is that something you want to pursue?"
"It has been a decade since I was with anyone but my husband." Delphine admits. "I don't know how to do this… any of this. I don't even know how to date as an adult."
"So… what you and Simon had lots of sex? I mean you were married. Not that big a deal. Delphine, I am sure a lot of men would be interested." Cosima is so soft with her, Delphine is taken aback. Maybe she'd misjudged her.
"No… not after the first few years. It was sparse. Especially the last four years."
"I get it, you were married for six years. I've had long term relationships. Not quite as long mind you, but pretty long." Cosima nods agreeably. "It can be hard to move on."
"No. You don't get it." Delphine argues. Cosima doesn't understand. Couldn't understand because she doesn't know Simon. Didn't know them together.
"Why?"
"I did so much for him. I was on the pill for eight years for him, even though I smoked and could get blood clots, so he wouldn't have to wear a condom. When my doctor said I could stay on the pill or keep smoking cigarettes, I quit smoking! I… I catered to him. I took care of his dog, I handled our investment, our finances… our day to day life. I mean we had a ...cleaning service but I still did a lot! And you know what? It still wasn't enough."
"You've got a lot of pain about this."
"I know I don't love him. Not anymore...if ever. But a lot of pain. Yes." Delphine agrees. "And I regret it. I regret so much of it."
"Why did you marry him?"
Delphine looks her over before picking up her glass of wine. "The sex was good. Our relationship seemed good. I thought, well this is it. I was 24 when we married I had no idea what I wanted. I thought we'd just grow together. I knew that it seemed good and everyone liked him. He asked me. So I said yes."
"Seriously? That's it?" Cosima prods again and Delphine wonders how much she should tell her.
"He was funny, he was ambitious, he didn't mind when I changed my plans and became an osteopath. We met in university and paired up… and that was it. His family was well-off, as was mine… it was a good match. We had the big wedding our families wanted. It was easy. Until it wasn't."
"And you lived in Paris?"
"Yes, for our entire marriage. I left when we split up. And then we began divorce proceedings. And he met Julie and within a few months she was living in my home."
"Wow."
"It happens. I think they met through work." Delphine shrugs. "Hopefully they will… be very happy." She tries to feign neutrality. That this is all alright. And it has to be.
"So, you're not angry? It's amicable?"
Delphine wavers. "It is complicated."
"Fair enough." Cosima pauses as their server places their meals on the table. Cosima's ordered some kind of large salad and Delphine has to admit it looks good.
"You're vegetarian?" Delphine looks for some kind of change of topic.
"Yeah. For a decade now." Cosima tells her calmly. "I think… I think you could use a friend, Delphine. And I think I can be that."
"You can? Just like that?"
"Yeah. Just like that." Cosima observes her across the table and for a brief moment it feels like Cosima can see right through her. Delphine tries to forget the feeling and let it go.
"OK." Delphine finds herself agreeing to... whatever this is.
"OK." Cosima repeats.