It isn't that different, Delphine tells herself. She drives their rental car to the spa and parks in the gravel parking lot. She puts on the emergency brake and finally turns to look at Cosima who has been chattering most of the way here.
"I am so excited." Cosima's enthusiasm seems dampened and that makes everything worse. She'd done something wrong. Either in bed or out of it. And she wasn't sure which.
Delphine quickly tries to mimic Cosima's excitement. "So am I … I was looking forward to our girls' weekend. I still am." That is what it was when she'd agreed to it. Now, it's shifted into a romantic getaway, the likes of which she'd only had with Simon. And only after they'd started living together at that.
"Girls weekend?" Cosima quips with a half-smile.
"Romantic weekend?" Delphine tries again. And it will be. She enjoys Cosima. Her company. Her intellect. Her...body. But suddenly being in a relationship with a woman leaves her feeling uneasy. What did this make her? What would it mean for her future? What if it didn't last and she lost Cosima?
"I was hoping so." Cosima responds honestly, looking at her. "But.. are you OK? Like really?"
"I don't know." Delphine laughs a little as they climb out of the car, bringing as few belongings as they can. They climb up the wooden path and then the stairs to the spa. The spring day is cool, but it should be warm enough.
"What would help?"
"I'm not sure honestly. I know… I know I like you and I want to enjoy this." Delphine shrugs wondering what else she could say. The sex, the sex was good. Better than she thought it could be. Maybe the best she's ever had. But wonderful sex did not a perfect relationship make.
"Mask?" Cosima prompts and they both mask quickly. Cosima's mask is rainbow. Her own is black, but certainly that doesn't matter. It doesn't mean she doesn't want Cosima. That much is clear.
They sign in, and get their robes and follow the many signs down to the change room. Both get bracelets linked up to Cosima's credit card so that they can pay for food and beverages as they wish.
"So… spa all day and then…. Romantic dinner for two?" Cosima prompts as they are getting changed.
"Of course!" Delphine is quick to correct that. "We are dating, Cosima. I told you… that is what I am comfortable with." And they are. Time with Cosima is something she craves… Pleasure aside.
"Yep. Dating." Cosima nods.
"Is that… not enough?" Delphine looks over at Cosima, she reacts more than she expects to. The sight of Cosima in a patterned bikini bottom and dark red top has her thinking about touching Cosima again. About what Cosima's body feels like under her hands. What Cosima sounds like when she likes how she's touched. Even as Delphine acknowledges the differences, she changes quickly, trying not to react too much. She doesn't want to embarrass herself either.
"I am used… to my relationships going faster. Like exclusivity, pace… moving in… all of it. There's the U-Haul joke for a reason. But slower is good, Delphine. It's fine." Cosima is quick to assure her.
"U-Haul?" Delphine finds herself blanking.
"Bad lesbian joke for a reason." Cosima shakes her head. "What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul. Really bad joke."
"You cannot be serious." Delphine stops halfway out to the various pools and saunas. It's cool enough she needs the robe, but suspects it will feel pretty perfect once they get started. It's certainly popular enough.
"No I'm not. But I know some women who…. Weren't far off from that." Cosima seems sheepish and mildly ashamed. "I once moved in with a girlfriend after like four months."
"Are all lesbians that fast?" Delphine finds herself asking. It seems insane. To move that quickly. She hadn't talked about moving in with Simon for a year and a half, and that had still been too quickly.
"Not all.. I mean. I want to take it slow with you. I just… want to be exclusive. And I get that you're not ready for that. But I am not going to be dating anyone else." Cosima admits this readily, and perhaps that is fair. Cosima continues disrobing, hanging her robe on a wooden post for this purpose. "Sauna?"
Delphine follows suit, unsure of what she can say. What middle ground she can walk that allows her to keep whatever this is with Cosima going and not rushing in like a fool.
"We… I suppose we are exclusive… I am not dating anyone else." Delphine tries to find an answer that suits. She supposes that makes Cosima her girlfriend but isn't quite ready to voice that aloud. She doesn't want to be having sex with anyone else.
"Well… that's good." Cosima seems a little more relaxed with that news.
They go from sauna to cold pool, to resting several times and Delphine finds herself enjoying the experience as much as the company.
"Mmm… Warm pool?" Cosima suggests and softly interlaces their fingers on the way to the infinity pool at the far end of the complex.
"This feels good." Delphine settles into the water, and Cosima is close behind her. So close.
"It does… Like… are you OK? Seriously?"
"Yes." Delphine nods.
"Where are you?"
"Just trying to figure out where we fit." Delphine admits. "I… enjoy you Cosima. But there's more to it than that." How they navigate the world as a couple, for one. That is entirely new. Sex, too, Delphine admits feels extremely different with Cosima. She feels inexperienced again, and doesn't enjoy the feeling.
"We fit…?" Cosima gives her a slow half-smile. "We fit like this." Cosima moves in closer, wrapping an arm around her as she draws her in. She is drawn to Cosima like a magnet, giving her a soft quick kiss.
No one seems to mind. Delphine thinks. There are plenty of people here, friends and couples alike. And no one seems to mind. So why her unease? She kisses back, enjoying how Cosima's mouth, Cosima's tongue feels against her own.
She finds herself kissing Cosima, arms wrapped tightly around her. And it's perfect. When they separate she can see Cosima laughing at her in the sun, dreads still wet from repeatedly dunking themselves in the cold pools.
"So?"
"It is… pretty perfect." Delphine admits. She can do this. She can date Cosima.
"Yeah. It is." Cosima agrees, increasingly relaxed.
She gives into it, goes hand in hand with Cosima to one of the food providers, they eat a luxurious lunch in only their robes and sip red wine.
They separate only long enough to get massages, and other spa treatments, and then soak quietly in the dead sea pool. Delphine thinks she recognizes a very pregnant former client floating in the dark, but says nothing. And neither does the woman.
"So… one more round of the thermal cycle?" Cosima asks afterwards, and Delphine agrees. They wind up staying longer than they plan. They kiss in the tiny two person sauna and emerge giddy and giggling. And maybe this is like a second adolescence to her. It is all so very new.
Cosima is new. But Delphine looks at Cosima and feels love. Affection, it comes readily, easily for Cosima. It's natural, Delphine thinks. Part of this is completely natural.
They finally reluctantly leave the spa and dress to continue.
"So… check in? It's nearly 4 pm now." Cosima asks as she starts the car. "I mean we can do whatever first, but lunch was pretty filling."
"Yes." Delphine agrees. That makes the most sense. She feels rejuvenated, delighted in Cosima's company. And she should relax into this. The unfamiliar as well as the easier parts.
Cosima drives them to a small house. They park the car and take their belongings inside. It's nice enough, Delphine thinks. A lovely little cottage with two bedrooms - one with a queen size bed, the other with a king. Cosima had been very considerate when booking, but she knows they're unlikely to actually use both beds.
"So I figured we'd check in, and go for a walk and have supper. Then we can like, explore the rest of this tomorrow."
"We will have to find something. I think we've spent enough money at the spa." Delphine jibes.
"Oh I have plans." Cosima grins at her. "I just want to redo my makeup and put up my dreads?"
"Sure." Delphine agrees and explores the cottage. It's filled with travel books and a cute kitchenette. She wonders if the owners have an agreement with the spa or if Cosima found it independently. Either way, she was far from disappointed. She recalls Annie having offered to take her here, or someplace similar. And she's happy she decided not to immediately after leaving Simon. She's happy she came with Cosima instead.
She leafs through a few travel booklets and comes up with possible ideas for tomorrow. She cannot quite picture zip-lining, but maybe now was a good time to try? Or they could walk through the trails. Or something outside. She quickly washes her hair in the bathroom, adds product and scrunches her loose curls back to life. She observes the effect in the mirror. Maybe she should have straightened it? Would Cosima like that? It was easier in some ways.
She wants Cosima to like her. Wants Cosima to….want her. But that doesn't seem hard to achieve at all. Cosima had made few demands on her at all. She was not Simon, Delphine thinks. And maybe, maybe that is enough to try again.
"Ready." Cosima calls a good twenty minutes later. "So.. what are you thinking about?"
"Just us…"
"Us?" Cosima prompts. Cosima makes no attempt to hide her body as she dresses for dinner. The same black lace lingerie as last weekend, a slip and a dark red dress that Delphine finds hugs the curves of Cosima's lean body well.
"Yes. I just… I am…" Delphine struggles with the words.
"Hey just say it. Any way you want to." Cosima is soft with her, something about their day must have gone well. Must be good enough.
"Je suis tombée amoureuse de toi, Cosima." Delphine insists, stroking Cosima's cheek. "That much is true. I am… I am falling in love! I mean, I have… I know I am."
"And I love you too." Cosima is smiling genuinely at her again. And love, love she can handle, Delphine thinks. She can let herself love Cosima. She can take her time otherwise.
"Then… everything is going well."
"It is. We're dating. We're in love." Cosima nods in agreement.
Dinner is as romantic as she expected, low lights, ambience. It's enough to forget that they still have to wear masks to their table. The food is delicious, beautifully plated and perfect.
"So?"
"A perfect day." Delphine agrees.
"It was perfect for me." Cosima tells her. "But… I think I can make it a bit better."
The look on Cosima's face has the slow warm burn of arousal starting low in her belly. That… that she will have to see.
They skip dessert, it's all loaded with dairy anyways. And she doesn't want Cosima to be tempted. Dinner was filling enough, after all.
"So?"
"Let's go… take a bath." Cosima suggests with a mischievous look, and Delphine realizes that Cosima has that well planned as well.
And opt to walk back to the cottage to enjoy the long walk. They pass other couples, every single one of them heterosexual, Delphine notes. She wonders if they realize she and Cosima are not just friends. What they might think if they knew.
She still wasn't sure how she'd tell her own family… her own old friends… that she was with a woman. Maybe it wouldn't matter. Maybe the world was changing more than she'd thought.
Cosima gets her inside and begins kissing her slowly, teasingly. She makes her chase her mouth, makes her tongue beg for entry. Cosima has her half undressed and pulled towards the bathtub before she has realized it.
"Let's… clean up after." Delphine suggests instead to more giggles as Cosima pulls her towards the larger bed.
"Fine by me." Cosima giggles. "We spent the whole day getting in and out of the water."
"It was very wet." Delphine agrees. And with her arousal building as rapidly as it does for Cosima they'll be a mess before long.
"Mmmm… good. I want you wet." Cosima moans, undressing her from the waist down, Cosima takes down her pants letting them fall to the floor. Her underwear are plain white, and Cosima doesn't seem to mind just tossing them off as well.
Again, Cosima crouches on her knees at the foot of the bed, bent over and pressing her mouth, her face, eagerly to her own sex.
"Oohhh…" Delphine cannot help but make noise. Cosima's mouth is incredible, and she knows she'll embarrass herself by coming far too quickly like this.
And it is embarrassing, Delphine thinks. She's practically screaming and moaning hoarsely into the empty cottage and Cosima is just humming eagerly and continuing the motions. She's never before felt like a sex partner actually wished to devour her.
"Hey…" Cosima pops her head up… "Are you OK?"
"Yes." Delphine forces herself to nod, she has to stop overthinking. Has to relax into this or she'll ruin everything. And she lets herself make the overly loud sounds, hoping that at least it excites Cosima.
And she comes, twice into Cosima's insistent mouth. She gushes and makes a mess of the bed, and opts to pretend not to notice. It doesn't seem to bother Cosima at any rate.
"You're such a good girl." Delphine coos at Cosima once she's caught her breath. She has to remind herself to say that, and watches Cosima face shift in response. Cosima clambers over her, kissing her, they remove the rest of their clothes, and cannot get close enough. Cannot get naked enough. Cosima smells so good, feels so good against her... and it's wonderfully new. She craves her. Intensely.
But instead of moving to enter her, Cosima hovers between her open legs, spreading them and reaching down between her own.
"What… what are you doing?"
"This…" Cosima leans forward spreading herself so that they are making contact. Wet against wet, swollen sex against swollen sex. It is marvelous, Delphine thinks… but a tease. Even with her sensitivity after orgasm. Such a tease when Cosima rubs herself against her. It makes her want her inside. Want something that Cosima cannot actually give.
"Tu sens si bien…." Delphine moans, and clings and goes with it. If she goes mad with desire so be it. Cosima's fingers, Cosima's hands are more than capable of satisfying her. And no doubt Cosima will eventually.
Cosima whimpers and then looks down at her. "I want you inside me… I want you inside me." Cosima whines as she rubs against her.
"Cosima…" It stuns her, Cosima needs her the same.
"Please." Cosima begs her, dragging her hand between her legs and sure enough, Cosima is incredibly aroused. They shift positions slightly. Delphine strokes first, watching the reactions shift. It feels different today, Cosima moves into her greedily. She presses in and Cosima seems to melt happily above her.
"Yes… Like that. Please." Cosima rolls her hips and moves down into her as Delphine moves gently upwards with her arm, but also her body.
"It… feels good?" Delphine checks in. It feels good to her, Cosima wet and warm and so open around her. It is easier this time, but she needs to make sure.
"Delphine… It feels so good right now. Just like that." Cosima arches and Delphine opts to continue her steady motions. She isn't sure how things can suddenly feel so different, so much easier.
"You're taking me in. You're such a good girl… you're my girl." Delphine throws out more words, things she thinks Cosima wants to hear. "Je suis absolutment folle de toi, j'adore ton corps."
"Delphine.." Cosima is moaning at her, and she continues. It's enough so very enough. And Cosima makes no sign of pain just takes her eagerly.
Cosima's inner muscles begin clinging to her. Fluttering wetly around her. And she stops talking. She stops thinking. She just moans at the feeling, Cosima wanting her inside. Cosima tensing around her.
"I'm inside you…" Delphine coos, remembering what Cosima wants. "Now be a good girl and come for me."
"Aaah!" Cosima cries out, clinging desperately. Short nails dig into her skin and Delphine finds herself surprised at the thrill of excitement it brings. And a couple minutes of stimulation, adjusting to ensure her thumb is brushing against Cosima's engorged clit, she does. Cosima comes around her fingers and her sounds are desperate and sweet. A ragged cry, a moan of her name.
Delphine moans with her. She must be very bisexual. Delphine thinks as she watches Cosima come down. Stuck on the way Cosima looks when she comes like that. How she feels. Either that or she has been really screwed up all this time and is homosexual. Was that possible? Would she want it to be? Would it be somehow easier?
"You are amazing." Cosima speaks as she catches her breath. As she comes back to herself, Cosima adds. "I fucking love ovulating."
Delphine cannot help it, she laughs, and Cosima laughs with her. Kissing her nose and clinging to her skin.
"You liked it?" Cosima asks, and for a moment she's vulnerable. And Delphine realizes just how vulnerable all of this has been for Cosima. It isn't just her inexperience that sits heavily between them. Cosima needs to be wanted. To be loved…. In return. All of her.
"Oh Cosima… J'ai l'adoré." Delphine assures her. "Like is not a strong enough word." Maybe love wasn't either. They'd see in time.
They go to bathe, yet again, enough to wash the fluids off. Cosima takes her in the bathtub, against the smooth back of it, Cosima enters her and rides her to another perfect orgasm. And it's perfect. Hilariously, she's easily wet enough to take pretty much anything, but… it's two of Cosima's perfect fingers that satisfy her. She wonders if she'll miss intercourse. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Though she does wish Cosima could come from making love to her. That they could chase a simultaneous orgasm, even if it was unlikely to happen regardless.
"What…. What are you thinking?" Cosima asks after. But Delphine doesn't think she should share.
"I kind of wish…" Delphine stops biting her lip. She cannot ask for that. She'd hurt Cosima. And she's unwilling to do that.
"You wish what?"
"I … I like penetration. I like it when…." Delphine trails off and Cosima quickly catches her drift. Or some of it anyway.
"You want more than my fingers. I get it." Cosima nods. "I mean dildos exist.… I can strap it on and do whatever you want to. Any position."
"But that is fake. It's silicone. It's not you ." Delphine pouts for a moment. Maybe it would feel good, but it would be a weird disconnect. And Cosima couldn't come like that. It's something she's not ready to try to tackle. Not yet.
"You could let me put my hand inside you. All of it." Cosima suggests. "But I mean that's different. It's not like… intercourse. It's… something else."
Delphine shakes her head with a small laugh. That isn't possible. "Your hand will not fit. It's too big." Her first boyfriend had been too big, and that had been extremely unpleasant. She couldn't take it. Not without pain. Though maybe if he'd put in more of an effort beforehand, it would have been easier on her.
"I'll make it fit." Cosima's quick to offer. "If you want."
"What do you mean make it fit?" Delphine cannot stop her face from contorting in concern.
"If you're super wet and relaxed, and I'm all lubed up… it will go in." Cosima spells it out. "I can get it in."
"You can?" Delphine is surprised by this. By Cosima's confidence in the matter anyway.
"Yeah. I'll tease you until you want me in, and then I'll give it to you." Cosima looks at her totally serious. "And you'll be full but… it won't like hurt-hurt."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh god, it'll feel good, Delphine. I promise you I'd make it feel good. And when I am all the way in you… and so deep." Cosima moans at the thought. "I might come from it… seriously."
"Have you taken someone's whole hand?" Delphine looks at Cosima doubtfully. She doesn't think that sounds like much fun.
"Years ago before my endo got bad… yes. I can't now." Cosima tells her. "It would hurt too much I think. I am not brave enough to try really.."
"So you can't. So you want to do it to me?"
"Not exactly I want you. And if you want, I'd let you try." Cosima tells Delphine honestly. "I would always let you try."
"I think we should stick to fingers… for now." Delphine tells her calmly. It sounds easier, safer and generally more comfortable.
"I did… buy us… a toy." Cosima admits with a sheepish grin.
"You what?" Delphine sits up in surprise. She cannot quite imagine that.
"I bought us a dildo… A nice normal sized one. Not a monster one." Cosima clarifies. "So… if you want, I can totally strap it on for you."
"Oh." Delphine isn't sure what to make of this.
"So? Do you want to try it?" Cosima asks, and Delphine wonders, just what else Cosima has planned for her.