She wasn't going to go. Delphine knows this but it doesn't stop her from clearing her schedule for the next ten days and booking a plane ticket. She thinks she can go and make it back within ten days. Surely not so long that anyone will really miss her. She tells her patients it's a family emergency and refuses to elaborate further.
"Simon, I will be in France tomorrow to get Henri. Do not rehome him." Delphine leaves a voicemail for her ex, hoping that he finds the time to listen to it. She will call him again, her plane leaves in the evening and she will have to change planes in Heathrow. She texts him her itinerary and what time she will be there to pick up Henri.
When Simon had first texted her, she'd been tempted to ignore it all together. More complaints about Henri and his behaviour and how he was just too much with a baby in the house. Then he started asking which of her friends she thought would take Henri. She could be noncommittal, silent.
But when Simon started asking about animal shelters and rehoming she couldn't quite let go and let that happen. Now she's looking for dog-friendly hotels to stay for several days until she can get the veterinary paperwork required to take Henri back into Canada. It's that or admit her to parents that she's returned just for the dog and try to stay with them. After a few emails, Delphine finds a suitable hotel and makes requests for dog bedding and bowls to be provided. She can only hope it goes as well as planned.
When she lands in France, having brought only her small carry-on size suitcase. She quickly makes her way to a taxi and goes to her old home. She tells the driver to wait, that she is only picking up a dog, and this should be over in a matter of minutes.
It looks the same, Delphine thinks. The house looks exactly the same on the outside. She rings the bell and waits. The only difference is the expensive pousette on the porch. Of course Simon would just buy the most expensive baby equipment without thought. That doesn't surprise her.
Simon deciding to abandon his 1600 euro French Bulldog was unexpected. Delphine sighs. She's not showered, she likely looks more worn down than ever but she knocks on the door the same. She'd relinquished her keys. This isn't her house anymore. It's where she failed to be something. Or Simon failed. Or they both did. It was...just a house, Delphine reminds herself.
Julie answers the door, looking older than Delphine remembers or just tired. A thin grey blanket is tossed over Julie's shoulder with what looks like baby spit-up on it. Delphine is reminded that Maxime is still a newborn and sure enough she hears a baby wailing in the background. She isn't sure she wants to see the baby and wonders if that can be avoided. She doesn't want to have to pretend to admire him, or tell his parents how beautiful he is. It seems unfair, Delphine thinks, that she'd be expected to.
"Delphine… Simon, Delphine est ici!" Julie hollers into the house. "Tu peux entrer." Julie tells her quickly going to scoop the baby out of a bassinet sitting in the living room. She watches Simon's new partner grab a pacifier and try to cram it into the mouth of a clearly unhappy baby. Tired? Delphine wonders. Hungry? Just plain cranky at his lot in life of having Simon as his papa? She certainly wouldn't want Simon as a father. He probably expects praise any time he changes a diaper.
"OK." Simon's voice responds. When he appears Delphine isn't quite sure what to think about him. He looks the same, very much the same as when she last saw him. The same handsome face. The same tall lean build. But he doesn't affect her as much, positively or negatively as she might have expected. Surely she should feel something looking at her ex-husband. But nothing really comes to mind.
"Henri?" Delphine prompts her ex-husband who quickly goes to the back of the house while she waits. Finally Julie begins making a bottle for Maxime, who Delphine can only hope will calm when he is being fed. Simon appears holding Henri, but roughly.
Henri squirms in Simon's grasps, excitedly as soon as he's seen her. Simon puts Henri down. He immediately starts jumping up and running in circles. He barks, which Delphine is fairly certain she recalls training him not to do with visitors. Delphine is wondering what on earth Simon has done to the dog when Henri pees on the floor and then runs up to her jumping again. Simon quickly shoves dog things into a cardboard box by the door. Everything looks a mess, Delphine thinks. A long way from the spoiled pet Henri was before she left.
"What did you do to the dog?" Delphine switches languages quickly, knowing Julie's English is terrible.
"What do you mean? I didn't do anything to the dog. I told you he was a mess." Simon shakes his head. "Worse than usual today."
"Henri… was not like this. He didn't bark at visitors. He was trained and he didn't pee inside." Delphine shakes her head looking from the clearly distressed dog to her ex-husband who scoops up Henri again, shoving him at Delphine.
"Here's your dog." Simon presents Henri back to Delphine, pushing him into her hands without further comment.
"He's not my dog." Delphine says under her breath. But she adjusts her grip and wraps her arms around Henri to keep him from escaping. Which Henri seems to have no intention to do as he begins licking her face.. Where is his harness? Delphine wonders, leaning over the box to get a better look. She sees mostly chewed up toys and a mostly empty bag of dog food that is the wrong brand.
"He is now." Simon assures her. "He is so annoying. Julie is relieved you came to get him. I tried to get my cousin Sophie to take him a month ago and she wouldn't. Said he was too needy and brought him back."
"You… gave him to Sophie?" Delphine shakes her head. Maybe that was the problem.
"So how are you? How is Canada?" Simon asks politely as he too begins looking for Henri's harness and leash. Why wasn't it hanging by the door? It's supposed to be on the hook by the door.
Delphine lets out a breath and shakes her head and decides on the truth. "Canada is good. I've… I've met someone. Work is good. But uh… I think I might be a lesbian." Honesty is probably the best option.
Simon just laughs at her, tossing his head back. "Tu blagues…" He continues to laugh, clearly not believing her.
She cuts it short as soon as Simon finds the now faded harness and shoves it at her. That's enough, Delphine thinks.
"Bye Simon." Delphine moves to leave quickly. Julie has vanished with the baby, and the crying has stopped. At least momentarily. She doesn't envy it, Delphine decides. Not with Simon as partner.
Henri whines in her arms and she quickly leaves the house. The cab, thankfully, waited for her. And the driver is considerate enough to open the door for her and then go get the box marked 'CHIEN' on the front step.
"C'est ton chien?" The driver asks pleasantly.
"C'est le chien de mon ex." Delphine clarifies looking at Henri's slobbering face. He's smellier than usual. And jumping excitedly next to her. She directs the driver to go to her hotel where she'll spend the next few days until she can get the pet import paperwork and vaccine certificates to import Henri into Canada. Importing a dog… Delphine shakes her head at the thought. What is she even doing here?
The driver chuckles at her, glancing back at Henri who is clearly delighted to see her. And Delphine says nothing, just shuffles through the box trying to find a half-decent chew toy to offer the slobbering pup.
No matter what toy she offers him as a distraction, Henri keeps licking her face. Which she definitely trained him not to do. Delphine sighs as the dog continues to slobber all over her. She carries him back to the cab, and proceeds to sit. Of course, Simon had lost his travelling crate. She manages to get Henri back into his worn harness and attach his leash. The leather has worn thin and will need replacing. Glancing at the box, Delphine isn't sure much of this stuff is worth bringing at all. It's ...old. And looks like most of what she left behind for Henri when she'd left.
"Henri… Arrête… Calme-toi." Delphine tries to calm the dog who proceeds to lick her mouth.
"Eugh." Delphine shudders. Clearly Simon had not been brushing Henri's teeth.
She pets Henri's brown fur murmuring reassuring phrases and wonders just what she's gotten herself in to.
It's only later, tucked into bed at the hotel with Henri pressing himself into her lower body does Delphine think about home with Henri and what that process might look like with a dog that now whines whenever she goes to the washroom.
A new text from Cosima arrives and she sighs, not wanting to admit she's flown across the Atlantic for a dog. Cosima, of course, wants to make plans for the weekend. Which would be wonderful, except her planned flight back isn't until Tuesday to allow time to get the pet import paperwork done and settled.
She thinks instead of her last night with Cosima and wonders what she can do to improve her technique. It probably involves oral sex, Delphine thinks and quickly begins trying to look up tips for self-improvment on her phone.
She's reading through what she thinks is a suspicious list geared to men when Cosima texts again. More of the same. Delphine sighs. What is she going to tell Cosima? The timing looks terrible. No matter how she justifies it, hopping on a plane and leaving the country unexpectedly less than 24 hours after their romantic weekend doesn't look good.
She closes the article. It doesn't sound like it's going to work. Delphine sincerely doubts Cosima, or any woman, wants to be bitten. When she doesn't respond, Cosima doesn't text again. Men were so much easier. Delphine hates the thought, but she'd never doubted her abilities as a lover with a man. Never had to worry about someone being unsatisfied, or bored with her. Nothing like Cosima. But they didn't get to her like Cosima did either. And maybe it all had to go together. The desire. The uncertainty.
She opts to sleep. Waking only to Henri's whining to take him out to relieve himself in the hotel courtyard. She cleans up after the dog, something she hasn't missed, and returns to bed to attempt to sleep off her jetlag.
Delphine manages to get a hold of her old vet and walks Henri to the office. He behaves, more or less, on his leash. He isn't an issue with other dogs. And lets several small children pet him clumsily happily panting all the while. It's oddly comforting, Delphine finds, to be back in France. To be… home, in a sense.
Simon was wrong. Delphine decides smugly, Henri is still capable of behaving himself. He certainly isn't a danger to the baby. Implying such was an insult to her training of the dog. She'd ensured he was exposed to children, as well as other animals. Her training had been thorough. She sits in the waiting room with Henri sitting and leaning back onto her leg, he was perhaps a bit clingy but otherwise fine. Delphine justifies the dog's behaviour and is pleased to lead him in to see the vet. She gets the paperwork, Henri's vaccinations are up to date. He has gained a little more weight than the vet would like, but Delphine suspects a decent walking regimen would fix that shortly. The veterinarian fills out the paperwork, happily chatting and offers a sedative for the flight warning Delphine that Henri must travel in the cabin. She buys one of the cheap plastic carriers they have in the veterinary office. Enough, she thinks, for a flight. An old blanket thrown in to the bottom should be sufficient for doggy comfort.
She's looking at flights, trying to get her return flight moved before her parents hear from Simon that she is in France and she gets stuck here for a more lengthy visit. Cosima texts again, and this time, she can't help it. She responds. Even if she is typically a lousy lover, Cosima is in love with her regardless. And will feel hurt if she doesn't respond.
Delphine finally texts back wondering what she could tell Cosima. If there was a better reason she could give Cosima then ' went to France to get my ex's dog' . Henri perks up at the strange voice. But she pets his head to calm him and he settles again.
"Hey Delphine." Cosima's voice calls, and it seems more tense than Delphine would like. She has definitely screwed up.
"Hi Cosima…" Delphine tries to be apologetic. "I had an unexpected change in plans. I am sorry… I never meant to worry you."
"So where are you?"
Um… I'm in France."
"France?! OK. Why? Is someone dying?" Cosima is short with her, and maybe that is what she deserves for taking off unannounced after a romantic weekend.
"Simon… He… he told me he was going to rehome Henri. That the dog was a mess. That he was terrible with the baby. That Julie hated him. That he was always whining… So..." Delphine trails off weakly not quite wanting to admit she flew across the ocean for a dog. A dog, she reasons, even if she does rehome that she would ensure his needs are met. Which must be far preferable to him remaining with Simon or ending up somewhere random.
"So… you went back to France for the dog? Or to rehome the dog?" Cosima calms a little at this and Delphine figures there are worse reasons.
"Yes. I went back for the dog."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I just… I felt… It was bad timing. Our weekend… I was a mediocre lover, and you were… you were amazing as usual. And me leaving the country didn't look good after our weekend."
"OK first, let's ditch the mediocre label, because it's not true. You're learning how to make love to a woman. We're riding the learning curve. That's it. Beyond that.… not telling me… what would have happened? You disappear for a week and then suddenly you have a dog? I mean, I would have figured that out."
"Of course you would have." Delphine wrestles with her feelings. They are far from logical. Why should she want to hide things from Cosima? There was no point. "I just… I am embarrassed I flew overseas for a dog."
"Can I see him?" Cosima asks, sounding soft for a minute. "I can hear him like… snuffling."
"Yes… that is Henri." Delphine taps a button quickly and Cosima's face appears, dreads pulled back and eyes lined. She looks...good. More than good. She adjusts the camera so Cosima can see Henri. His short light brown fur, slightly darker at the muzzle. His slightly squashed face. His large ears. Henri barely looks up.
"Hello Henri." Cosima greets the dog, who looks towards the sound but is quite content as long as Delphine keeps petting him or letting him use her lap as a pillow.
"He's not that big…even for a French bulldog. He's supposed to be about 10 kilos… but he's gained weight." Delphine sighs.
"So do you have a ticket booked back yet?"
"Working on it. Henri must travel in the cabin… dogs… like Henri cannot travel as cargo. Too dangerous. I need to call the airline, try to move up my return flight." She might as well try to get back quickly before anything else happens that will keep her here.
"Do you need anything?" Cosima is direct, to the point. And the offer of support surprises her, but only a little.
"Actually…yes. I have enough to get me back to Canada. But Henri's things are worn. I bought a cheap carrier for the plane. Luckily he is not a large dog and I can easily carry him."
"So… you want me to go buy dog stuff?" Cosima nods. "Do you need like food for him too? What kind? Doggy bed? Harness? Leashes? All that?"
"Yes… all of that. Simon… he hadn't replaced anything since I left. Changed his food.. He needs to go get bathed." Delphine looks over Henri… Maybe cleaning his facial folds would help enough for now. Then she could have him groomed after the flight. Maybe have him more presentable and less ...stinky when he meets Cosima.
"OK. Set me a budget… Seriously. And I'll go get the dog stuff." Cosima offers.
Delphine cannot contain her surprise. "Really?"
"Yeah. Of course." Cosima nods at her. "It'll be fun. But full disclosure… I know almost nothing about dogs."
"That is OK. I… bought two books when Simon brought Henri home. One on puppy care… and one on dog training."
"Well… I guess it worked then." Cosima notes, pointing at the currently calm but slobbering canine.
"It did." Delphine nods, absentmindedly stroking Henri again.
She boards the plane the following afternoon and will arrive in the early hours of the morning. Cosima had agreed to take care of the dog stuff problem, having been given a short list of items she must acquire before Delphine and Henri land back in Canada. She expects more jet lag, but there's no way around it. The flight is peaceful, until Henri's doggy sedative starts to wear off and he whines from under her seat for the final two hours of the ride. She tries to watch a romcom that the airline has on offer, but finds it irritates her and the male protagonist reminds her more and more of Simon to the point she wonders why anyone would put up with that shit. She hadn't. But it's clear, Delphine thinks, scrolling through the possible film choices, why she'd never considered bisexuality...or homosexuality as an option. Heteronormativity was everywhere. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get married. Every movie, Delphine thinks. Every television series she's ever seen. Almost every novel, selling the same fiction. The same kind of story of who she was supposed to be. What in the end, she couldn't be.
Henri's whining eventually grows so loud that she cannot ignore him any longer.
"Tout va bien." Delphine tells Henri. "Calme-toi." But the words, words that would usually make Henri relax do nothing.
In the end, once they land she sends a desperate text to Cosima.
Please come pick us up. Henri is too nervous to take a taxi.
She cannot imagine taking him on public transit either. And she doesn't want to be stuck at the airport with Henri any longer than necessary. Getting through customs with Henri's whimpering will be enough struggle.
It's needy, Delphine thinks as she carries the whining dog off of the airplane and goes to find her small baggage. But she needs help. At least a little, with this.
Cosima's response takes only minutes.
I'll be right there. Got to borrow a car.
And it's enough, Delphine thinks. For now.