"You serious, man?" Tig asked in a hushed tone as he and Bobby crouched over the hood of one of the cars at TM. "He cut Wendy off? Completely?"
"Can't see the boys or anything - Lyla's practically runnin' a daycare."
"How 'bout Chinadoll, doesn't she usually watch Jax's boys?"
Juice glanced over, having eavesdropped on their conversation - but when he head turned back to them from the car he was working on, they immediately stopped talking. It was a small wonder that Denise and Juice were still staying in the same house, knowing what he'd done - and everyone knew by now what he'd done.
TM and the clubhouse had been uncomfortable in the past week or so since the event at the park, mostly because no one knew how to react to Juice and Jax being in the same place. Jax, to his credit, had been relatively normal, save for a brief, offhanded comment that Juice had been let off easy, so he didn't have any excuse to slack on the job.
Juice felt a little guilty, too, for the fact that Wendy was suffering even more than he was. It was torturous, having Denise sleeping on the couch every night, having her only speak to him about Sofia. But Wendy had been cut off from the boys completely, from Jax completely, and Juice knew how much she loved him, how much she just craved closeness to him.
He wished that being sorry made a difference - because he had never felt so sorry in his life. He remembered the night after their wedding when they'd sat on the roof of the cabin, looking up at the stars. She'd said they would find a place for themselves in the world, that things would work out, and he felt terrible for having stopped believing. But hadn't she stopped for a while, too? Hadn't she left him for an entire year? Why was he the only one in the doghouse for all of this shit? He wanted something to make him feel better, to make him feel less bad.
No matter what attempts he made to justify things in his head, none of it worked. He didn't even know how long this delicate peace would last. Denise hadn't even vocalized half of the anger he knew that she was feeling, that she had every right to feel. Everyone looked at him with such disdain and disgust for having hurt Denise, for having betrayed Denise when she had done so much for the club - but Denise wouldn't even look at him at all. He wanted her to swing, he wanted for it to be simple as her beating the shit out of him and saying that he'd gotten right with her. But she wasn't like them. She was different, and Juice had always loved that about her - he wished he hadn't forgotten that.
Denise had grown extremely tired in recent days, even though she rarely left the house. Jax had kept a reasonable distance from her, not calling or showing up with the boys because he knew her family needed fixing. Thinking that maybe if he kept extending the olive branch that eventually she might accept it, Juice decided to head back home for lunch. Maybe enough gestures of affection and genuine remorse would eventually chip away at her resolve. However, when he got off of his bike in front of his house, he realized that there was already someone standing on the front porch - Denise had apparently just opened the front door to see Wendy Case of all people standing in front of her. Juice hung back, just out of sight, fearing the worst. If Jax had been keeping Wendy from seeing the boys, Wendy wouldn't be in a good place to talk to anyone, let alone Denise - and this could be bad. This could be very bad.
"Sofia, go play, baby," Denise said, putting her daughter down and shooing her back inside the house before turning back to face Wendy with a stern expression on her face.
"Can we talk, Deedee?"
"If I say no, will you leave?"
"No," Wendy said. "No, I won't."
Absolutely, definitely bad, Juice thought to himself, feeling his heart beating faster and faster as he strained to listen to the conversation. But if he came and broke it up, it would get worse. More feelings would get hurt. Wendy couldn't possibly do more damage, Juice convinced himself. Maybe she was here to apologize, or to explain that what happened had been nothing.
"I really care about him."
Juice gulped as he stood by and overheard the words, powerless now to do anything about it.
"That's nice," Denise said stiffly. "You can -"
"I'm not trying to steal your ol' man, Deedee -"
"Don't call him my ol' man. He's my husband," Denise hissed, her tone suddenly turning frigid and vindictive. "Something that you don't have."
Wendy winced, and her jaw clenched for a moment before she managed to reply, "You don't get it do you?" Denise didn't answer immediately, and Wendy took the opportunity to continue. "You and Jax, you're both doing the same thing to Juice and me - stringing us along, keeping us in the dark. Your world revolves around these little bullshit plans you two have," Wendy sneered. "But me and Juice..."
"You and Juice what?"
Wendy paid no heed to the fact that Denise's expression looked almost murderous, and pressed on. "Maybe... maybe while you and Jax finish whatever business you two got, Juice and I - we could be there for each other. We could make each other happy -"
The only response Wendy received to her proposal was a hard slap across the face that sent her stumbling to the floor of the front porch, with Denise rubbing her reddened palm and breathing hard - admittedly, it came as a relief that she'd now gotten the opportunity to slap them both. But Wendy had stooped to a new low. She wanted to borrow Juice. Denise sneered in disgust for the woman in front of her.
"Get off my front porch before I slap you so hard that you won't see your teeth again until you're shitting them out."
Wendy got to her feet and gave a derisive laugh, shaking her head. "No wonder Jax gets along so well with you," she retorted. "You sound just like his mother."
She walked away from the house, leaving Denise stunned and disgusted at the door, shaking her head for a moment before retreating inside and shutting the door behind her.
Juice felt like he was going to be sick - he was afraid of going inside, truth be told. But maybe if he talked to her now, if he tried to fix it, then everything would be fine. He finally made his way to his house, into the front door, finding his wife sitting on the couch tiredly as she watched their daughter hobble around the floor. He paused behind her, waiting for acknowledgment. When it didn't come, Juice moved around the furniture in the living room to sit down next to her, leaning over to meet her eyes.
"Tell your little girlfriend not to show her face at my door again," she said, unable to look at him. "Next time you -"
"There's never gonna be a next time," Juice said desperately. "I haven't even talked to her since - since -"
"Oh, gee, thanks," Denise interrupted, rolling her eyes. "You haven't fucked her again since you guys got found out, praise Jesus!"
Juice winced - he knew it was bad because Denise actually used the word, the whole profanity, in front of their daughter, even though she lowered her voice considerably when she did it. She didn't spell out the word. She didn't use a cute substitute. Juice hung his head, feeling the weight of his shame growing with every second he sat in front of his wife, even while Sofia played around with her toys without a clue in the world. Denise was so good at keeping the tone of her voice calm, even when her words were venom - Sofia would be none the wiser.
"I don't get what this is," Juice admitted with choked, tearful laugh that was more frantic than humorous. "I don't know what we're doing here, baby -"
"What's there to know? What's there to get?" Denise asked, finally locking eyes with her husband and revealing the still bitter, angry glare that seemed now permanently set in her eyes. "I'm in this house with you because I'm trying not to wreck our daughter's family, because she deserves better than that," she said furiously. "I'm doing my best, but -"
"But it doesn't work if you can't forgive me."
"Well, I don't know if I can."
Juice recoiled, his face contorting as he strove to keep from crying. Denise wasn't crying. She was cold, like ice, like stone. His jaw clenched, and he felt his hands starting to shake. He had nothing to counter that, he couldn't give her a reason that she should forgive him because he knew he had done everything wrong. Every choice he had made since getting those drinks with Wendy had been wrong. But as selfish as it was, he wanted to be forgiven. He wanted things to be right again, and whether or not Juice had a right to feel the way he did, it made him feel angry that Denise couldn't forgive him, that she couldn't just take her anger out on him and be done with it.
She didn't even know if she could forgive him. This, he realized, felt ten times worse than that day in the diner with Chibs. Her words were so much less harsh, and yet they made Juice wish he could just shrivel up on the spot. If she couldn't forgive him... then what was the point? He stood up and paced back and forth a few times, then got up and left.
Denise sighed and got back to her feet, walking over to pick up Sofia to give her a bath - but already, she found her hands shaking slightly, her body feeling stiff, the back of her neck tightening as though it was in knots. She had been doing so well in recent weeks, she thought that the after-effects of the incident - the headaches, the pains, the clumsiness - were finally gone altogether. However, she felt a familiar ache set into her forehead, just behind her eyes as she put Sofia down for a nap.
Juice returned to TM after lunch and could hardly even keep track of what he was supposed to be doing. Two hours and one pair of oil-splattered cover-alls later, Jax finally walked up to him with his arms crossed.
"You went back home."
"Yeah, I did," Juice retorted. "Lunch break."
"Somethin' happen?"
"Maybe it did, but it ain't any of your business," Juice said, his gaze averted down to his boots. "This is my family, Jax -"
"Yeah, and that's why you should be with them. G'home," Jax interrupted, shaking his head. "Go home to your wife and your little girl, aight?"
Jax knew how this went. He'd been in this place before, the place where everything seemed just on the brink of falling apart. Jax knew this place well, because he'd teetered here with Tara for a long time. Years, even. Granted, he was pissed at Juice for screwing up so badly - and a part of was angry because of all the people Juice could screw up with, it was Wendy. But Jax felt for the guy, maybe because after over a year of being friends with Denise, he understood Tara a little more now. He understood the sacrifice a wife and mom made in juggling her family with a husband in the club.
Juice, however, couldn't stand the thought of going home and being on the receiving end of that look again. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the silent reminder, every second he spent inside of his own home, that he was a failure and a traitor. So he took off on his bike and just drove. Juice knew he would be gone for hours, clear until dark if he needed to. He just couldn't go home - not to that.
Jax was none the wiser - he assumed that Juice had left and done as he'd advised, gone home to his family. So, when he finished up his shift at TM and drove home to shower before picking up his boys at Lyla's, he was perplexed by the sight of Denise's car parked by his driveway. Once he'd swung his leg over his bike and taken off his helmet, he walked over and rapped his knuckles on the window of the driver's seat, where he saw her sitting with her eyes closed. She tiredly opened them and rolled down her window.
"Where's Juice at?" she groaned. Jax's jaw tightened briefly, and he shook his head in disdain when he realized that his advice clearly hadn't been followed, and judging by the sick look on Denise's face, it couldn't have come at a worse time. "He left in a hurry after that little scene Wendy caused at home -"
"Wendy?" Jax asked, his expression souring. "What was Wendy doin' at your place?"
"Oh, you haven't heard?" Denise asked, raising an eyebrow and managing to sneer a little bit at the memory of the conversation which had probably triggered her headache to begin with. "Showed up at my door and said that since you're too busy for her that she and Juice should make each other happy while we're so busy."
"Jesus Christ," Jax said in a voice that sounded almost like a cough. "Dee, she never told me any of this shit. I had no idea," he shrugged.
"My head's getting started - I took my meds, but it's not helping much," she admitted, looking almost embarrassed by the fact that she wasn't feeling well. Jax honored her obvious desire to change the subject. Truth be told, it didn't matter to either of them why Juice and Wendy had slept together. Not now, anyway. "I - I was lookin' for him to make sure Fifi wasn't alone if it got worse."
It took all the tact that Jax could muster not to tell Denise that she was a fucking mess. Her hair was tied back into a sloppy bun, and it only made it more clear how pale she was, how dark the circles under her eyes had gotten. She probably hadn't slept well in days...
"Get inside," he nodded. "Go lay down in the guest room, I'll take Sofia with me to go pick up Abel and Tommy -"
"But Juice -"
"I sent him home early, told him to go back to you two," Jax said carefully. He almost wished he'd just covered for the guy, even if just for Denise's sake. She was still not back to perfect health no matter how much she pretended to be, and the last thing she probably needed was to hear was that her husband had run off without a trace. Denise shut her eyes again and let out a pained groan, digging the heels of her hands gently into the edges of her eye sockets.
"I'll be fine in a couple of hours, take this for now," she said, reaching the car keys out to Jax through the window before opening the door and stepping out so he could get in and use the car to pick up the boys. In turn, he reached into his pocket and tossed her his house keys, which she nearly dropped.
"Holla' if you need anythin'," Jax said with a nod as he buckled into the passenger seat. "Fifi's safe with Uncle Jackie. No worries."
"I know," Denise said, forcing at least a small lopsided grin before heading towards the house. "Thanks, Jax."
"Can't refuse a favor for Aunt Deedee. Abel'd kill me."
A/N's
Man. The tension is starting to really get to me, just writing the chapters. The next chapter is going to see things come to a bit of a boiling point, and also step away from the relationship turmoil briefly, because the world doesn't stop turning just for a few broken hearts.
Thank you again for all of your reviews! Just keep powering through the angst. It'll be worth it, I promise! Until next update, cheers!