Cosima meets Delphine just outside her natural life clinic. Delphine is standing there holding Henri by his rainbow leash. And even though they've already agreed it looks like Delphine is about to go nervous dog mom on her. Cosima cannot help but smile at her girlfriend.
"Hey Delphine. Hi Henri." Cosima was even adapting to the fact that every single command Henri will respond to is in French. But that's not so hard. She can adapt.
"Cosima… I am happy to see you."
"So… are we doing this thing?" Cosima asks, but she's half joking.
"So you can watch him?" Delphine eyes her cautiously. "It's Saturday morning, Cosima. And I have two patients… I will be gone at least two hours. Probably more with the hygiene protocols. I used to be able to let him sit in the office, but I don't know how Elsa and David will feel about it… I need to talk to them.."
"Totally. I'll even like… take him to the dog park." Cosima volunteers, intent on proving her suitability as a life partner by taking care of the dog. "Beats poor Henri here being crated all morning long. It's a perfect summer day. I can watch him while you work. We'll hang out. And then you can meet us and we'll go have lunch on a patio. I even packed a snack for Henri." Cosima smiles, expecting Delphine to be impressed.
"Thank you. It isn't good for Henri to spend so much time alone. He gets sad. And he...he is starting to really like you."
"I know. He hardly ever growls when I kiss you now. I'll take that as dog approval." Cosima grins as Delphie hands over the leash and the small roller of doggy poop bags. So what if parts of having a dog are gross. She has Delphine. And Henri is actually pretty cute in a squashed kind of way now that he's chilled out around her.
"Bye." Delphine leans in to give her a soft kiss, full on the mouth and then she gets to work.
It's not so bad, Cosima thinks as she walks a happily panting Henri a few blocks to the nearest doggy park. She offers him a treat when they arrive and lets him help himself to the doggy fountain for a fresh drink. She can do this thing. Her mug of tea is still hot so she lets Henri off his leash. He quickly begins running around and approaching other dogs playfully.
"Well you're happy." Cosima mumbles as she takes a long swig of tea.
"The Frenchie is yours?" A woman with cropped hair and what looks like some sort of husky mix sits next to her.
"He's my girlfriend's actually." Cosima offers calmly.
"Ah… love me, love my dog?"
"Oh that's easy with Delphine." Cosima laughs. "Henri is a five year old French bulldog… and well, he seems a lot easier than he did his first few weeks back with Delphine."
"So… you're new to this whole dog thing?" Cropped hair eyes her and for a few moments Cosima wonders if she's flirting. Ordinarily, she'd be delighted with that kind of attention but right now, she really only wants it from Delphine.
"Yeah." Cosima nods.
"This is Dozer, she's nine years old and in shared canine custody." Cropped-hair tells her. "My ex-wife and I trade off with her. Have for the last six years."
"So you have like a part-time dog? Shared expenses?"
"Exactly. She spends half her life with me in the city, and half with my ex, her new partner and their baby out in Aylmer."
"Not a bad deal." Cosima wonders if that might be an easier way to float the whole dog thing but then again, it's not like they could ship Henri across the Atlantic to Simon and back every other month. That would be ridiculous. And it was clear - Henri did much better with Delphine and the consistency she brought to his canine life.
And it's fun, Cosima thinks. She could get used to this whole dog-lesbian thing. She chats with cropped hair. Plays with Henri. She texts Delphine with their plans, gives Henri his snack, takes him to a fancy dog store where she buys him a couple new toys that he absolutely doesn't need and a doggy cookie which he eats obediently from her hand before licking happily and soliciting more love from her. Dog bonding, success.
She walks to the closest café briefly, where people admire Henri and his ability to sit calmly next to her while she gets tea and a vegan muffin before returning to the dog park. Afterwards, they could get lunch and go back to Delphine's. Have a super chill afternoon together.
She lets Henri go within the bounds of the doggy park again, thinking the exercise is bound to be good for him. Cosima finds herself chatting up several other dog owners, many of whom seem to know each other. Maybe she could find cropped-hair again and arrange a doggy playdate for Henri? He'd certainly got on well-enough with Dozer and exposing Delphine to other queer women had to happen eventually. She's talking to a rather attractive woman with a pair of German shepherds when she is tapped on the shoulder by one of her new dog park friends.
"Is that your dog?" A youngish man with a particularly fluffy dog asks her.
"OH… yeah SHIT! SHIT!" Cosima glances over to see Henri who has gone from playing with a miniature poodle off-leash to mounting the poodle. "Shit! He's on a poodle." Coisma quickly drops her paper mug of tea and dashes over to Henri. Henri, for his part, is thoroughly seized by his baser instincts and continues to hump the white mini poodle.
"Henri! Arrête! C'est assez… just get off the poodle, buddy." Cosima begs the dog who clearly does not give a fuck. And ...keeps fucking. Neither Henri, nor the mini poodle pay her any mind.
"Is this your dog?" A middle aged woman looks at her grimly. Great. The one person at the dog park she hadn't bothered talking to.
"Umm yes, he's my girlfriend's dog." Cosima looks at the woman with a wince. "I take it the mini poodle is yours?"
"Yes… and she was due to be bred with a stud. Not a … Frenchie!"
"Sorry?" Cosima tries to look penitent, the dogs shift, but are now stuck together rear end to rear end. "Let's just...separate them." The poodle begins to look less enthused with the situation, and truly, Cosima cannot blame her.
"We have to wait… they're...stuck… swelling will go down." The woman sighs. "I guess he's not neutered?'
"I...doubt it." Cosima thinks aloud. "But I don't think Delphine was like breeding him. She never mentioned anything about like… breeding him. I mean I read French bulldogs cannot breed naturally… all AI or something."
"He's been bred before. He's calm." The woman snaps and begins petting her poodle's head, no doubt trying to keep her calm.
"So we wait? And they'll like… come apart?" Cosima looks bleakly at the scene of two small dogs stuck together by their genitals. The rest of the dog park goers give their dramatic scene a lot of space. And it makes sense, accidental dog breeding is just… awkward.
"Eventually. When they're done." The woman grumbles. "Do you know how much money I can charge for a purebred mini poodle? $2500 a puppy! I want you to pay up for the loss of income."
"Ah." Cosima begins to feel panicky as she finally spies Delphine across the dog park, watches her lover's eyes widen as Delphine jogs towards them quickly.
"Non!" Delphine calls looking at the stuck dogs, her mind quickly putting it together. "Henri… Non!" Her lover's face displays panic at the scene and she doesn't know how to apologize for this.
"Umm yeah. Sorry." Cosima winces. "I just let him run off leash for like… ten minutes." It was probably closer to 25, but Henri did really well with other dogs. Clearly too well.
"Oh no…" Delphine puts her palm to her face. "Not...this."
"So this is your dog?" Poodle-lady asks grumpily.
"Yes. Henri is my dog." Delphine nods trying to be calm. "I… how long?" Delphine points at the scene in front of her.
"Not long enough clearly." Poodle-lady answered briskly. "They're still stuck. We just have to wait for them to disconnect."
"I am so sorry… Henri… He is not neutered but… I euhh… it is not as common in Europe. And he had no… aggressive behaviours. I wish… I wish my ex-husband had had it done. But I will… now. Here take my phone number. I'll help with any vet bills." Delphine offers, quickly pulling her business card out of her purse.
"And puppy food." Cosima adds quickly. "Assuming...this… results in puppies."
"Your friend let your unneutered dog run around." Poodle lady jabs her thumb in Cosima's direction. Not mentioning that she'd taken out her in-heat mini poodle… Cosima thinks, which was… pretty stupid.
"Cosima is my girlfriend. My... partner ." Delphine corrects quickly. "She's not used to Henri… and Henri is my responsibility. Blame me for not having him neutered. Not Cosima."
"My name is Nancy DeBoni. Here's my information." Nancy hands them a card which shows that she's been breeding mini poodles a while.
"Right. I am so sorry Nancy." Cosima tries to look penitent.
"Ms. Deboni… I will compensate you, financially. Per puppy." Delphine sighs.
"You better." Poodle-lady shakes her head. Finally, Henri comes loose from the mini poodle and quickly goes up to Delphine whining for attention like nothing happened.
"Henri… On y va." Delphine grabs Henri by the harness and quickly pulls him away from the scene. "Leash." She demands simply, and Cosima has no choice but to hand it over. Delphine clips on the leash, grabs Cosima by the hand and quickly guides them out of the dog park gates.
"I am so sorry Delphine… Henri does so well with other dogs… I let him off-leash."
"That is not the problem, Cosima. What were you doing? Flirting? Socializing?"
"Umm yeah… but not like seriously. Also why isn't your dog neutered?" Cosima groans as they finally walk Henri away from the dog park. Henri, for his part, seems no worse for wear.
"It is… not as common in Europe, as I said. In Scandinavian countries, the emphasis is to train and supervise your dog versus… sterilization surgery." Delphine sighs. "Simon and I discussed it when Henri was a year and a half… we opted not to at that time, and to revisit later. But… he was well behaved so… I never did it."
"Well now he's going to have puppies. With a miniature poodle." Cosima throws up her hands. "I mean, I just… I was chatting to people and he seemed OK…. so I let him run."
"I am not mad, ma chérie. Yes, Henri if you'd supervised him - he may not have mounted the poodle. But… she was in heat… he could smell it and he responded the way any male dog would. He tried to mate." Delphine sighs, but then starts to look upset.
"So… what is bothering you? She can tell something is upsetting Delphine.
"They're going to be so ugly." Delphine half-sobs, shaking her head. "They will be the ugliest puppies ever. Who will even want them? I will pay Nancy or… whatever her name is a purebred puppy fee to compensate. But… the puppies will be so ugly!"
"Or … maybe they'll be adorable mutts?" Cosima suggests optimistically.
"Henri was calm… so calm…" Delphine shakes her head. "But we weren't breeding him!"
"Maybe, you should talk to Simon."
"I will, but I want our lunch date first. I am very hungry."
"Totally." Cosima tries to recoup the day, guiding it back to the romantic lunch on a patio, short stroll with the pooch and cozy afternoon she'd envisioned. She ends up carrying a tired Henri back up to the building thinking that if she ever got her own dog, she'd choose something a little more active… with less risk of breathing problems. The size was good though. Especially for dog who wants to cuddle like 75% of the time.
Delphine kisses her quickly once they settle in at the condo.
"You watch a show, if you like." Delphine hands her the remote. "I need to make a call."
"Totally fine." Cosima tells her. "Henri and I will just hang out." She flicks through a few shows on Netflix before deciding on one and Henri clambers up on the couch to join her. He seems no worse for wear for his adventure.
"Yeah you and I are both in the doghouse, buddy." Cosima tells Henri patting his soft little head. "But I'll keep you company while your mom is on the phone."
Henri just snuggles into her, and Cosima finds herself surprised at how warm Henri is. She pets him wondering what the fee for getting a small dog neutered was and how fast they could get that done before they have another incident.
Finally, Delphine emerges from the bedroom looking a little stricken.
"So?" Cosima pauses the show and leans back. The condo has begun to smell like chili, which Delphine must have thrown into the slow cooker this morning. She looks around to see that Delphine had clearly had her own romantic plans for their day. It makes her smile, but she suspects she's accidentally ruined things.
"I talked to Simon." Delphine begins slowly with a wince.
"And?"
"Henri has fathered two litters of French Bulldog puppies with one of his coworker's dogs. And… who knows what else." Delphine hides her face. "And I didn't even know ! Though he said one of the litters was after I left."
"Like AI?" Cosima asks, finding the mental image of Simon trying to harvest sperm from his dog hilarious. Like could you do that at home? Would a vet have to do it?
"Non. Like they let Henri run around with a female in heat and he mounted her and they bred…" Delphine sighs. "They even… euh.. Delivered naturally. Four puppies in the first litter. Three in the second. Her hips must be a little wider than desired for the breed… but clearly it worked."
"So… neuter time? Seven puppies is… plenty for Henri to make really." Cosima holds up a phone. "I've found vets, we can call and get it done."
"Yes. Immediately." Delphine agrees sinking down onto the couch. Cosima feels a long arm slip around her body. And Delphine playfully squeezes at her side for her attention. She smiles back. Maybe she hadn't fucked shit up too badly.
Cosima looks at Henri. "Your puppy making days are over buddy. No more embarrassing dog park incidents."
"He won't miss it." Delphine quips quickly. "I don't… I don't think dogs experience ...pleasure like people do."
"Nah. Overrated. Getting stuck to strange dogs outside? Way overrated." Cosima nods calmly.
"OK. So we'll book Henri in for sterilization ASAP." Delphine nods. "I need to find a vet."
"Already on it, I found two… and got these prices listed." Cosima holds up her phone. "They're closed weekends, so I'll call Monday. We'll take Henri to whomever can get him in first."
"I guess that is the best choice." Delphine worries her lip. "It… it will make him more likely to gain weight."
"So we control his diet." Cosima responds. "Limit his treats. Beats a second accidental puppies incident."
"Yes… yes it is… very embarassing." Delphine leans into Cosima's body. She pets Henri briefly, but pushes him off the couch to get closer.
"So… I guess you have a beef with Simon when you get back."
"A beef?"
"An argument. A…. grudge." Cosima tries to find words that aren't quite so slangy.
"Yes… but I won't see him. I don't need to." Delphine tells her. "I have Henri. We have nothing else to settle between us. Our divorce is over. I am looking for a townhouse now… something with a tiny yard and easier outdoor access for Henri."
"Sounds good." Cosima sighs, letting herself enjoy the cuddle. "So when do you think you will go back to France again?"
"Probably in the fall." Delphine responds. "I… I owe my parents a visit. And… I do have friends I want to try to see. I'll probably go for two weeks when I do."
"Oh…" Cosima tries not to look so disappointed it's not like Delphine wants to hang out with her all autumn long and go apple picking like dorks and enjoy the colours like fools in love.
"Well… next time, I will bring you with me." Delphine assures her. "Cosima… next time I go to France, I want to bring you with me."
"To… meet the parents?" Cosima perks up.
"Yes. They will have to meet my girlfriend sooner or later." Delphine leans in, bumping Cosima's nose with her own. "And… I want to keep you close."
"I like the sounds of that." Cosima finds a sly smile spreading over her face. A vacation in France, meeting Delphine's family… exploring Paris together.
"Me too."
"So only one question, are we bringing Henri with us?" Cosima asks.
Delphine looks down at her very needy dog who has parked himself next to her feet. "That… that remains to be seen."