Author's Note:
You guys are the best- thank you SO SO much for all of your feedback :) To all of my dedicated Anonymous Guests- I see you and appreciate your reviews even if I can't write back to you (Thanks ponq!). And to all of my faithful readers who bless me with their reviews so consistently - you keep me writing. THANK YOU!
Also, I doubt I need to tell you at this point, but- Warning: Angst ahead. One step forward, two steps back sometimes, but our heroes are learning.
Harry fidgeted on the couch, attempting to run out the clock until he could figure out how he was going to deal with Snape. He was enjoying being taken care of, and he didn't want it to end. He definitely didn't want to be punished.
"My ankle is feeling a lot better...thanks for that," Harry said, as he laid himself back on the couch. "But I don't want to push it too much, ya know. It's still a bit achy." He paused for a moment as he stretched his legs out on the sofa and forced a yawn. "And I'm feeling kind of tired, I think those potions made me loopy."
Snape recognized that Harry was stalling- he'd been a teacher for more than ten years, and he was fully aware that the boy was trying to avoid the inevitable confrontation.
"I'm not going to force you to talk if you're feeling unwell." Snape sat back down in his chair and tapped his fingers along the arm rests. "But we WILL have a discussion, Mr. Potter, and when we're done, you will be punished. The outcome will not change, so it 's up to you how long we drag this out."
Snape sat calmly, picking up a stack of parchment from the table beside him. He shifted his eyes down to the paper as he spoke, while still managing to let his voice sting lightly. "But, by all means, take some rest."
Harry's ears and face burned red. He knew he was in trouble, but hearing Snape spell it out made his stomach drop and his adrenaline surge. He couldn't contain himself. "But it was an accident, you can't punish me for having an accident!"
Snape let his hands fall dramatically, dropping the papers into his lap before slowly dragging his eyes back to Harry, completely exasperated. "Are you really going to insult me by suggesting I'd punish you for having an accident? Honestly, Potter…" he shook his head slightly and scolded Harry in his most patronizing tone. "Tsk tsk tsk...You know damn well why you're in trouble, so save us both the indignation of making such an absurd accusation."
This shut Harry up quickly. Snape was right. He'd known the second he grabbed his broom that he was breaking the rules. Not just once, but twice. That said, he wasn't about to admit it, so he dropped his head onto one of the throw pillows and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.
In a battle of wills, Snape would win, hands down, anytime and anywhere. He was more than prepared to wait until Harry was ready to admit his wrongdoings.
After ten more minutes of laying there silently, his thoughts and emotions circling frantically in his mind, Harry finally sat up, his arms behind him as he propped himself on the couch. "Fine, I'm sorry."
Snape lifted his eyes casually from his papers. "Pardon?" he drawled, slowly. "What was that? I'm sure it couldn't possibly have been an apology, I certainly did not hear remorse or contrition."
"Uggghhh," Harry groaned loudly, throwing himself backward onto the pillow. "I said I'm sorry. Really sorry. I felt bad the second I got on my broom." He lifted his glasses up and rubbed his eyes before he continued. "But I hurt myself, badly...I think I've been punished enough."
"Is that so?" Snape asked, the skepticism evident in his tone. He arched an eyebrow as he glanced over at the boy.
"Yes." Harry answered quickly, with spite in his voice. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"I see. So it was just a one time lapse in judgement, was it? And you feel that you've learned your lesson?"
Harry didn't say anything. Guilt gripped at his insides, but his self-preservation was on full throttle. He avoided answering directly. "I'll never do it again, I swear."
A small laugh escaped Snape's lips, "That might just be the most honest thing I've heard all day. Oh, you definitely won't do it again, Mr. Potter, because I'm taking your broom. You've lost your flying privileges for quite a while."
Harry's face fell and a few more seconds passed before Snape pressed on. "You didn't answer my question."
"You didn't ask a question," Harry sassed, squinting his eyes with disdain.
Snape's face hardened as he leaned forward out of his chair, his eyes boring into Harry. "I'd watch my tone if I were you, you're in enough trouble as it is."
Harry pressed his lips together and stayed silent, not wanting to make things worse.
"Well?" Snape asked, dragging out the word.
"Well, what?" Harry replied, with a little more attitude than he intended.
"Was it a one time lapse in judgement or is there something else you want to tell me?"
Harry sat for a moment, contemplating his options and staring up at the ceiling. "I said I was sorry and you're taking my broom anyway, so what does it matter?"
Snape gathered the papers from his lap and tapped them on his knee to straighten them before setting them carefully on the table and turning to face Harry. "Oh, I think it matters very much."
Harry swallowed again, trying to decide whether it was best to own up or stay quiet. He hated when Snape played these mind games with him. He kept his mouth shut and let another few seconds pass.
"You know exactly how I feel about dishonesty, so I hope you don't disappoint me further," Snape said, piling on the emotional blackmail, but keeping his voice even. He folded his hands across his lap and stared down at the boy, expectantly.
Harry pushed himself up on the couch, exploding, "You don't get it, you don't understand! I wasn't trying to break your stupid rules. Maybe I know what helps me, and I was just trying to take care of myself!"
"Lower your voice right now!" Snape barked at him. "You will NOT disrespect me."
Snape's sudden change in tone caught Harry off-guard, and his bravado quickly evaporated. He took one look at the Potions Master and backed down, slinking into the couch and diverting his eyes.
Harry lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "I told you, sometimes I have trouble sleeping and nothing works. I just thought if I could fly for a few minutes, I'd feel better." Harry felt himself choking on the words, suddenly feeling very emotional. "It's not like I left the boundaries or anything, I just wanted some fresh air."
"And I told you, in no uncertain terms, that you are never to fly without my permission. Doing so in the dead of night…"—Snape reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose—"you're lucky you didn't break your neck, Harry!" Now Snape's voice was filled with emotion."For Merlin's sake, you're 12 years-old, do you even realize how dangerous that was?"
"Well, I guess I do now," Harry mumbled sarcastically.
"That's quite enough of your cheek! This is not a joke," Snape responded angrily. He took a breath before he continued. "There are rules for a reason, I'm trying to keep you safe."
"Fine, I get it. I said I won't do it again, what else do you want from me?" Harry snapped back at him, feeling tired and frustrated.
"Excuse me? What do I want from you?" Snape was indignant, and his eyes opened wide and his anger rose up in his chest. "I don't know, maybe a little respect? Some remorse? Perhaps you, actually deciding to follow the rules for once in your blessed life!"
Snape could feel the anger taking hold of him and he needed to get himself under control. He fixed his eyes on Harry and pointed in the direction of the hallway. "Go to your room."
The tension hung in the air before Harry responded. "No," he said quietly, as he scooted down in the cushions, refusing to move from the couch, "I'm not feeling well..."
"Get up and go to your room. Right. Now." Snape's voice dropped down into the low, authoritative register that he reserved for the most serious transgressions. It was enough to send shivers down anyone's spine.
When Harry didn't move, Snape stood up from his chair and took two intentional steps forward, towering over the boy. He kept his voice even but stern. "I will levitate you, or you will walk, but you are going to your room. Now."
Harry didn't know why he was being so difficult, something inside of him had just taken over and he couldn't make sense of his emotions. Nonetheless, he knew he had pushed Snape to his limit, and he gave in. "Fine," he said, as he slowly attempted to stand up.
As angry as Snape was, he was still worried about Harry's ankle, so he reached out gently and grabbed onto Harry's arm, patiently helping him stand up.
"Get off me, I don't need your help," Harry spat, ripping his arm out of Snape's grasp as soon as he was on his feet.
Snape grabbed his arm again and landed two hard smacks on his backside. "Enough!"
Harry froze and reached his hands around to protect his rear, tears welling in his eyes.
"What on earth has gotten into you?" Snape was genuinely shocked and extremely irritated. He took a breath before he continued, willing himself to keep his emotions under control. "I am going to help you back to your room, and then you are going to lie down and rest until you can act like a civilized young man, do you understand me?"
Harry nodded his head, trying to hold in the tears.
"Let's go."
Snape gripped the boy firmly and they walked slowly to his room. Harry's ankle felt mostly normal, but his body felt weak and tired and he was on the verge of an emotional meltdown.
When they arrived at Harry's room, Snape lifted the quilts and helped him climb into bed. Before he covered Harry up again, he took his ankle into his hands, examining it carefully and running his fingers softly along the bone. "Are you in pain?"
"No," Harry choked out, shaking his head. "It's fine."
"Good." Snape set his foot down gently and pulled the covers up over him. "Rest. But you better get your attitude under control, Mr. Potter, I've had quite enough of your cheek. Am I clear?"
Snape glared at Harry and raised a single eyebrow, driving his words home with the expression on his face.
Harry felt his face flush, and he nodded his head.
"Pardon?" Snape hissed.
"Yes, sir." Harry amended, quietly annoyed that Snape was forcing him to say it out loud.
"Do not get up from this bed. If you need something, you call me. Otherwise, you rest. If you can't sleep, you lay there and think about your abysmal behavior and how you might avoid this kind of trouble in future."
Snape's words were terse and he was still clearly still very irritated. Despite his displeasure, he tucked the blankets around Harry and flicked his wand at the window, blocking out the sunlight that was streaming in from the back garden.
"We will finish our discussion when you're in a better frame of mind."
Before he walked out, Snape took Harry's glasses off of his face and set them down carefully on the bedside table, letting his words hang ominously as he closed the door behind him.
Snape cast a sound amplifying charm on Harry's room so he could go down into the potion's lab while the boy rested. He wanted to replenish some of his own emergency stores, and he desperately needed to keep his hands busy. He was at his wit's end, and he needed something to do with his nervous energy.
For once, he missed being at Hogwarts, knowing that Minerva, or even Dumbledore, was just a short walk away. Even though he rarely asked for advice, he appreciated the camaraderie and the opportunity to talk with other adults. He could use that right now.
He brewed more of his pain potion, borrowing ingredients from Master Llewelyn's garden, and after seeing the fresh Valerian root and Mitragyna plants, he started a batch of an extra potent calming draft as well.
Over the next several hours, Snape kept his mind and his hands occupied with several potions, allowing himself to enter a zen space where he found peace in the protocols and precision of his brewing. After bottling his work, he finally returned to the parlor.
Snape closed the secret passageway to the potion's lab, and walked down the hall to Harry's room. When he entered, Harry was on his bed, awake, laying on his stomach and writing in his journal.
"Awake, I see" Snape said, walking over to grab the desk chair and placing it at the side of Harry's bed before taking a seat.
Harry stopped writing and closed his journal before rolling over to face Snape. "Yeah...still a bit tired though."
Snape nodded. "Those potions can wear you out. It takes a lot of energy to heal bones and ligaments, and the pain potion has sedative effects."
Harry fidgeted but didn't say anything, unsure of where this conversation was going to go.
"I will bring your dinner in to you, and then I want you to have an early night." There was no hint of anger in Snape's voice, but he also wasn't inviting any additional conversation.
"But what about our discussion?" Harry asked with a sullen look on his face.
"Oh, we'll have it, but not right now. I want your full attention, and you've had too much excitement and too many potions today to make it worthwhile. We'll revisit that tomorrow when you're feeling better."
Harry felt the red creeping onto his cheeks. "Or we could just let it all go and put this behind us?" he added with a hopeful smile.
Snape scoffed. "Nice try. We'll put it behind you, but probably not in the way you're hoping."
When Harry didn't respond, Snape got up and walked to the kitchen where he warmed up a bowl of the chicken vegetable stew and toasted a few pieces of multigrain bread with butter. He set it on a tray and brought it back to Harry on the bed.
"Eat."
Harry reached for the spoon and began eating quietly.
After finishing his dinner, Snape brought Harry one more potion, an adapted version of Dreamless Sleep he was working on that wasn't entirely "dreamless" but blocked out anything frightening. The potion was actually more of a lucid dreaming potion, where a person could guide themselves to dream about whatever pleasant thoughts they wished to have.
"Take this, it will help you sleep. Try to think happy thoughts," Snape said as he handed Harry the vial.
"Like what?" Harry asked, looking at the vial of deep blue potion dubiously.
"I'm sure you can think of something. Just imagine something nice, a beautiful dream you've had before or one you wish you could have."
Harry downed the potion without further question.
After ensuring he was comfortably tucked in bed, Snape decided to walk Harry through one of his visualization exercises. He mentally guided Harry through a beautiful botanical garden before helping him gradually make his way to his "happy place" down by the river. He spent a long time describing every detail along the walk until he was sure Harry had fallen asleep, hopefully taking his pleasant thoughts and images with him.
Harry woke early the next morning, having slept so much the day before and having downed Snape's sleeping draught. He couldn't remember his dreams, but he'd known they were pleasant. He moved his foot around and his ankle felt perfect, and overall, it was the most well-rested he'd felt in a long time.
He slowly opened the door to his room and walked to the parlor, still in his PJs. He heard Snape tinkering in the kitchen, making his morning tea.
"You're up early," a low voice came from the kitchen.
"Yeah, I slept all night though." Harry sat on the sofa, curling his feet up underneath him, and pulling one of the throw pillows under his right arm as he made himself comfortable.
"Very good." Snape brought his cup of tea into the parlor and sat in his chair. "Why don't you go shower and get dressed and we'll have breakfast. We missed one full day of lessons, I don't want to waste any time today."
Harry stared at him, somewhat confused. Didn't they still have unfinished business? This was killing him, he just wanted to get it over with so they could move on. "I thought you wanted to talk?"
"I don't want it to interfere with your lessons, so we'll talk this afternoon instead of your free time."
"You're joking." Harry said incredulously, sitting up slightly on the couch. "You've been torturing me since yesterday, how am I supposed to focus on my school work with this hanging over my head?"
Snape set his mug down on the table before looking back at the boy. "Fine. Are you ready to talk then?"
"Yeah…"
Snape narrowed his eyes at Harry's answer.
"I mean, yes sir." Harry was going to try really hard to keep his emotions in check, he knew from experience that Snape was much more reasonable when he was being honest and polite.
"Go on." Snape sipped at his tea while he waited for Harry to begin talking.
"Aren't you going to lecture me?" Harry asked, unsure of what the man wanted him to say.
"I'm going to listen. You said yesterday that I didn't understand, so I want you to explain yourself. And I want you to be honest." Snape tried to keep his tone even, but stern. Although he wanted Harry to feel heard, he didn't want him to think that he could get away with breaking the rules, especially when it put his life at risk.
Over the past day, Snape had gone through a whole range of emotions. He had been truly distraught when he'd found Harry injured, and he'd cycled through anger, disappointment, fear, sympathy, and hurt. He had tried so hard to let Harry know he would be there for him, and it upset him greatly to know that the boy still didn't trust him enough to come to him when he needed help.
Harry was nervous, but he took a deep breath and attempted to steel himself. "I had a dream about my parents... I can't remember it all, but the last thing I heard was my mum screaming and then I woke up."
He paused before he continued. "I didn't want to wake you, it seemed so stupid to get you up. I couldn't even remember the dream, but I just felt stressed out. So, I thought I would ride on my broom for a few minutes and see if that helped. But it didn't. It just made me feel worse."
"Why did it make you feel worse?" Snape asked calmly.
"Cuz you told me not to. And I didn't want to lie to you again." Harry's face immediately froze, he hadn't meant to let that slip. His eyes widened and he shut his mouth quickly, hoping Snape wouldn't pick up on it.
But he did.
"What do you mean, lie to me again?" Snape asked, his jaw tightening and his eyes narrowing slightly.
Harry tried to cover. "I mean, I didn't want to lie to you at all. I don't like lying to you." He felt his face and his neck flush, the red creeping up into his ears, betraying him completely.
"Harry, tell me the truth." Snape could feel that Harry wasn't being completely honest and he wanted to put an end to it, right now.
Harry felt tears welling up inside of him, and he knew he couldn't hold it in much longer, the guilt had been eating away at him. "I, I…" he swallowed nervously before he could begin again, "I went flying once before. Nothing happened, but it made me feel better, so I thought I'd try it again... But, it was a mistake. I'm sorry. So so sorry!"
Tears were now streaming down his face, and he buried his head in his arms, too ashamed to look at Snape. He felt a wave of relief for getting it out, but at the same time his body tensed, knowing he was in deep deep trouble.
Snape was livid. He shouldn't have been surprised, but hearing Harry admit it was like a punch to the gut. He gritted his teeth before forcing himself to speak. "Was this the morning I found the mud on the floor?"
Harry nodded his head
"Put your head up and look at me!" Snape hissed.
Harry didn't want to, but he lifted his face off of his arms, forcing his eyes up at Snape. The man was fuming.
"So you sat here and lied right to my face?"
Tears continued to pour down Harry's face, he felt horrible. "Everything else I told you was true! I just left out the part about the broom... I didn't want you to be cross with me."
Snape scoffed and slammed his hand down on his arm rest of his chair. "You didn't want me to be cross? So you lied? How do you think I feel now?"
"Not very good." Harry whispered.
"You're damn right! Not only did you deliberately disobey me and take your broom out—in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT—then you lied to me about it. And in case that wasn't enough, you went out and did it again, breaking your leg and risking your life!"
Snape thought back to the conversation he'd had with Harry a few days ago, when he'd asked him about the mud. He was particularly upset at how the boy had manipulated him, giving him a sob story and making him feel bad for him. He couldn't believe he'd walked away from that conversation actually feeling sorry for the boy and refusing to lecture or punish him.
"You're in serious trouble, Mr. Potter. I don't even know what to do with you. You've broken every single rule I've given you. You've lied, you've disobeyed, and you've had the absolute gall to disrespect me by playing me for a fool."
"But I haven't!"
"Silence!" Snape roared. He pointed behind him. "Go the corner."
Normally Harry would be inclined to protest such a childish and pointless punishment, but there was no way he was going to argue with Snape in his current state. He got up and slinked to the corner, careful to avoid coming within reach of the angry Potions Master.
Snape needed to calm himself down. He knew he was too angry to punish Harry or even continue to talk to him. He felt like an idiot for believing his lies, and for not recognizing the fact that he was being played. In all of his years of teaching, he'd prided himself of being hyper aware of his students and their motivations. But he'd been blinded by his desire to help the boy, and make him happy. He was outraged that despite this, Harry still felt the need to hide things from him and go behind his back.
He let the minutes tick away on the clock, unsure of what to do. After a few minutes, he thought back to a conversation he'd had with Barclay. Be consistent, the boy will push your boundaries, but it's important to be consistent. The words rang in his head.
As much as he wanted to throw himself a pity party about how nothing he was doing seemed to work, Snape tried to remind himself that Harry wasn't going to change overnight. He's a 12 year-old boy. He is going to push boundaries and challenge authority, and make mistakes. Snape was taking it personally, but he knew he shouldn't. He was losing his objectivity. This was not about him. Harry had never had anyone to truly hold him to account, and he was rebelling against it, testing his authority. Not to mention, he was working through his own trauma. As much as it felt like a set-back, he tried to remind himself that this was part of the progression. He couldn't afford to complicate things with his own emotions.
Snape desperately wanted the boy to trust him and come to him, but he knew if he went soft now, Harry would lose respect for the boundaries he was setting. No, he needed to put an end to this. He'd set out the rules clearly from the start, and if Harry was going to violate them, then there needed to be consequences. Every time. He'd be doing them both a disservice if he wavered on this.
After about 15 minutes, Snape had calmed down considerably and had given himself enough of a pep talk to carry on. He called Harry out of the corner.
"Come here, Harry." Snape said calmly, but with authority.
Harry walked slowly over toward Snape, standing just out of reach.
"Closer," Snape said, pulling his sleeve gently with one hand and pointing in front of him with the other. Harry shuffled closer to him until he was standing a few inches from his feet, his head hanging down..
"I'm very disappointed in you, Harry. Not only have you put yourself in danger, repeatedly, but you have done so deceitfully. You knew flying on your own was against the rules, and yet you did so anyway. On top of that, you hid it from me and lied about it. I will never be angry or upset with you if you can't sleep, or you feel anxious, but that is not an excuse to break the rules. If don't feel well, or you need something, I want to come to me. You do not need to solve things on your own."
Harry fidgeted in front of him. "I know...I'm sorry."
"I appreciate your apology, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences."
Harry could feel his stomach drop to the floor. He was expecting this, but hearing Snape say the words made him start to panic. Harry looked up and pleaded, "Please, don't punish me. I'm sorry!"
Snape got up from his chair and took Harry gently by the wrist, walking him over to the couch before sitting down. "There are rules. When you break them, when you deliberately disobey me or lie to me, you will be punished. We've discussed this. Now let's get this done with."
Snape took off Harry's glasses and set them on the table before pulling him gently over his knees. Harry wished now he'd changed into his jeans, he was still in his pajamas and he knew they would offer little protection.
Without any further words, Snape's hand fell hard on Harry's backside, and the room echoed with loud, dull smacks. Harry was right, his backside was burning after the first smack, his thin PJs doing nothing to protect him from Snape's determined hand.
Smack after smack fell steadily and after about five, Harry couldn't help it, he started to cry. Snape kept one hand firmly on his back, keeping Harry from wriggling away from him. After ten, Snape picked up the pace and started to spank him more quickly, without letting up on the force. Harry couldn't believe how much it hurt.
"Owww, please, I'm sorry!" Harry cried, begging Snape to stop. But his cries fell on deaf ears.
"Do you have any idea how reckless it was flying your broom in the middle of the night? Alone?" Snape punctuated every few words with especially hard smacks.
Snape paused for a minute, Harry sobbing over his lap. "That was for taking your broom out, for putting your life at risk, and for disobeying me. As for the lying…" He looked around and grabbed one of the throw pillows, quickly transfiguring it into a solid wooden ruler. "You're going to get 10 strokes with the ruler. I'm done with the lying, Harry. This needs to end."
Harry cried even harder but didn't say anything. Snape brought the ruler down with a loud thwack. He took a moment before he brought it down several more times in rapid succession before he paused to speak. "No. Crack! More. Crack! Lying," he said, finishing it with two hard cracks, right on top of each other.
By now, Harry was lying limp across his lap, sobbing into his legs. Snape put the ruler down and put his hand gently on Harry's back. "That's enough, it's done now."
Snape pulled Harry up, helping him to sit on the couch. Harry did so, gently, still crying pretty heavily. Snape summoned a handkerchief and handed it to Harry before putting his arm around his shoulder, and bringing him in for a side embrace.
Harry turned his head toward Snape's chest and cried into him. Snape reached over with his left hand and gently stroked his hair. "You're OK. It's all over."
They sat this way for several minutes, Harry crying gently into him, and Snape doing his best to comfort him, rubbing circles on his back and shushing him gently.
"I'm really sorry," Harry mumbled, restarting a fresh batch of tears.
"I know you are. I forgive you. But don't you ever do anything like that again." Snape scolded him in his most gentle voice. He lifted Harry's head up with his fingers and looked him right in the eyes. "I swear to you, Harry, if you ever put yourself in danger like that again, I will take down your trousers and give you a proper hiding."
Harry's cheeks burned red and he nodded his head, dreading to imagine what that might entail. "I won't, I swear."
"Good," Snape said, pulling his head back into him, "You scared me half to death."
Snape comforted Harry until his tears stopped and he only heard a sporadic sniffle. He patted him on his back and said, "Why don't you go take a shower and get cleaned up, and I'll make us some breakfast."
Harry nodded his head and stood up, wiping his face with his sleeve before heading toward the washroom. After he turned the corner in the hallway, he reached back to rub his backside, trying desperately to get the sting out. Snape had laid into him pretty hard, but the sharp sting was already being replaced by a dull throb. He was not looking forward to spending the rest of the morning sitting down
While Harry showered and got ready, Snape went to the kitchen. He cut up some fruit and then decided to whip up some french toast to go with the eggs. He laid out the food on the table along with some honey and a jar of strawberry jam. He refilled his own cup of tea before sitting down and waiting for Harry to return.
A few minutes later, Harry walked into the kitchen, his hair wet but combed. He sat down gently in the chair across from Snape but kept his head down, too embarrassed to make eye contact.
"I hope you like French toast," Snape said casually as he sipped his tea. "There's honey and jam, I wasn't sure what you liked."
"Thanks," Harry said, as he reached for a fork, serving himself from the plate in the center of the table.
Although Harry was generally not very chatty in the mornings, he was especially quiet and subdued as he ate. Snape kept wanting to break the awkward silence, but he didn't know what to say. Even though he felt like he was right to punish him, it was becoming more difficult for him to do so. He tried to push his own feelings of guilt aside.
"I thought we might change things up and work in the potion's lab this morning," he finally said. "It might be useful to do so me practical work."
Harry looked up from his plate, "Really?"
Snape felt relieved to see a small smile cross Harry's face, he knew the boy enjoyed brewing, and it would give them the chance to do some bonding and have a change of pace. "Yes, I want to stock up on a few potions while we're here, it would be a shame to waste the fresh ingredients we have growing all around us. I hope you're up for a challenge today."
"Definitely!" Harry was excited now, they'd spent time prepping ingredients, but Harry hadn't brewed since they were at Hogwarts, and he was really looking forward to it.
"But I'll need you to be extra focused. This is not our lab space, so we'll need to take particular care not to damage anything."
"I'll be really careful, I swear! What are we making?" Harry's face had brightened considerably and Snape's guilt started to fade.
"I have a few ideas in mind, why don't we go downstairs and take a look at everything and then you can decide which potion interests you most."
Snape couldn't believe himself, when had he become so soft? He just wanted to see Harry happy again and was going out of his way to try and make him feel better.
"Let's clean up the dishes and then we'll head downstairs."
Harry grabbed the plates and the silverware from the table and brought them to the sink. The two of them did the washing side by side, finishing quickly as Harry was eager to get to the lab.
Downstairs, Snape had laid out Harry's cauldron and tools in a small area at the end of the bench where he'd set up his own supplies. They put on their work robes and Snape opened up a book. He pulled up one of the stools close to Harry and sat down to review several different potions.
As they thumbed through the protocols, Harry decided to brew a simple fever reducer. It was slightly more complex than what he'd brewed before, but Snape was confident he could handle it.
"Before you begin, I want everything in order. Copy the protocol into your lab book first, and then prepare all of your ingredients in front of you. Do not begin brewing until you come and get me and I make sure everything is correct."
"Aren't you going to watch me?" Harry asked, looking over at Snape. The man had always stood behind him for every step.
"Not today, Mr. Potter. I will be here, working on my own potions. If you have questions or difficulties, I expect you to come to me, but otherwise, I trust you can manage most of this on your own."
Snape wanted him to feel confident to start doing things on his own, and he also hoped it would encourage Harry to learn to ask for help. If he could get him to feel comfortable asking for assistance in the lab, maybe he would have an easier time doing so outside of the lab. He would be just a few feet away, paying close attention but trying not to baby him too much.
"You may get started. I will be right here if you need anything. I don't expect you to know everything, but I absolutely expect you to ask questions and let me know if there's something you need help with. This is not a test, it's a learning exercise. I will be disappointed if you don't come to me for clarification. Do you understand?"
Harry nodded. "Yes, sir." He was nervous, but determined.
"And you're to come get me to review the protocol before you light your cauldron."
"OK, don't worry, I got it."
"Very well. I'm right here if you need anything."
For the next several minutes, they worked quietly but separately to gather and prepare ingredients. Snape kept a watchful eye from afar, but he wanted to encourage Harry to work independently. He didn't want to hover, so he busied himself on a potion he knew he could make in his sleep.
Half an hour later, Harry walked over to Snape with his lab notebook in hand. "I think I'm ready."
Snape stood up and Harry followed him over to his side of the bench. Snape looked around at the ingredients, measured, weighed, and set-up on the counter just the way he'd taught him.
"Very good, now walk me through the protocol."
Harry read the protocol out loud, step by step, pointing out each ingredient as he did so. Snape peppered him with questions at each step.
"And what is the dandelion root for?"
"To stabilize the anti-inflammatory properties?"
"Not quite. It aids in digestion of the potion and slows the metabolism of the other active ingredients to prolong the antipyretic effect. It also acts as a mild stomach soother, making the potion more easily tolerated."
"Oh, OK."
"You might make a note of that in your lab book," Snape said sternly, tapping his notebook. Harry moved quickly to pick up a quill and annotate the margin.
"You should also be sure to chop the willow bark more finely. The important alkaloids are inside the cellulose- you need to disrupt the cell membranes to get the most out of it. After you do that, you may begin brewing."
Harry took a few minutes to chop the bark up into smaller pieces before he set a light under the cauldron.
Over the next hour, Harry worked diligently, double checking each step before he went on to the next one, hoping he wouldn't make any mistakes.
Snape stayed at his end of the bench, watching out of the corner of his eye while he stirred ingredients into his own brew, attempting to look busy.
"Professor?" Harry called from over his cauldron. "Will you come look at something for me?"
Snape walked over and stood behind Harry. "Yes?"
"Does this look like the right consistency? The protocol said to wait until it was slightly thickened before I added in the tulsi leaves. I don't know how thick it's supposed to be."
Snape picked up a ladle and dipped it into the contents of the cauldron, pulling it up and then pouring the liquid back in. "I'd give it another few minutes. You want it to be like a thick, creamy soup. Not so thick it doesn't pour out, but a little bit more than this."
"OK, thanks," Harry said, jotting notes in his lab book.
"Is there anything else?"
"No, I think I'm good."
Snape nodded and returned to his cauldron, pleased that Harry had taken his instructions to heart. He wanted him to think critically, but also feel at ease coming to him if he needed help.
When he finished with his potion, Harry bottled it and labeled it, and set to work cleaning up his work area and putting everything away. He did an extra wipe down of his bench before he brought his potion to Snape for inspection.
"Here, I've finished, sir." He held his vial out for Snape.
Snape took the vial and inspected the potion before opening the top and smelling it. He swirled it around to look at the color and consistency before replacing the stopper and handing it back to Harry. "Well done, Mr. Potter. Your first healing potion. For obvious reasons we won't try this one, but it appears to be correct."
Harry beamed. "Thank you."
"Go put this on a shelf above your bench and then you can help me with the last few steps of my potion."
Harry practically skipped over to his bench, proudly placing his vial on the shelf before hurrying back to stand at Snape's side.
For the next hour, Harry helped Snape, watching carefully as his professor talked him through each step and handing him ingredients or stirring the cauldron as directed.
By the time lunch rolled around, Harry was in an extremely good mood, and the two of them went back upstairs to eat.
"We'll do some book work after lunch."
Harry looked up from his plate. "Do we have to? I really want to brew some more."
"We'll brew again tomorrow, but we still have a lot to do to catch up on your classwork."
After lunch, despite Harry's protestations, they sat down at the table and worked through lessons on History of Magic and Herbology. Neither one were particular favorites of Harry's, but with Snape walking him through everything, they were making quick progress.
When they finished up in the afternoon, Harry looked at Snape with disappointment in his eyes, not sure what he would do without his broom. "Do I still get free time today?"
"I would be well within my rights to make you sit at your desk and write lines, but I don't want you inside all day. Why don't you take an hour outside and play in the back garden while I get some work done."
"But it's boring by myself," Harry whined. "Can't I just fly for a little while?" Please? I've learned my lesson, I swear. Can't I just have my broom for a few minutes?"
Snape looked at Harry dead in the eyes, his face hardening. "If you know what's good for you, you will not mention your broom again. So you can either find a way to entertain yourself outside, or I'm happy to give you another few smacks with the ruler and sit you down at your desk to write lines every day for the rest of this week. It's up to you. My schedule is very flexible."
Harry got the message loud and clear. "Nevermind, I'll go outside."
"Wise choice." Snape replied, opening the back door. He pushed Harry through it, tossing his football into the yard. "Out you go."
Harry kicked his ball around feeling somewhat sorry for himself, making himself feel better by imagining all kinds of ways he'd make Snape regret being so harsh with him. He mumbled to himself as he laid down in the grass, closing his eyes and soaking up the last bits of the afternoon sun. He wasn't there five minutes when he heard a woman's voice calling out softly.
"Hello? Excuse me? Good afternoon, lad, sorry to disturb you. Is your father home?"
Harry sat up and shaded his eyes with his hand. A few feet away was a young woman in her late 20's, with a soft face framed by wavy blond hair. Who the hell is that?
"Hi there. I'm Elizabeth, I help Professor Llewelyn with his garden." She smiled down at Harry and lifted her hand up in a half-wave.
Harry was shocked, but pleasantly surprised by the beautiful woman standing in front of him, with the sun shining behind her head making her glow almost like an angel. He brushed his hands off on his trousers and adjusted his glasses while he attempted to compose himself. "Um, hi. I'm Harry." Nice, Harry, that was slick.
"Nice to meet you, Harry," she said, as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I hope I didn't frighten you. Is your dad here?"
His dad? Oh yeah. Snape. "Uh, yeah, he's inside." Harry pushed himself up from the ground and walked to the back door. He opened it up and shouted inside. "Hey Dad, there's someone here to see you!"
Harry turned back around to Elizabeth. "Just a sec, I think he's working."
Author's Note:
Snape is becoming so emotionally attached, he can't even feel righteous about handing out discipline anymore. But hopefully he's finding other ways to help Harry learn to ask for help. Even if he still can't do it himself. They're both stubborn as hell, so learning and adapting is still painful for both of them.
On the plus side, I'm inserting a random new character to spice things up.
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