Fictober 2021 Prompt 1: "I need you."
Ode to Happiness
It happened too suddenly for Franke to comprehend.
Crystal had stared forward, looking at nothing. She had stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of her apartment coming back from the restroom. Her head had dipped low enough for her chin to meet her chest, her arms slack by her sides. She hadn't felt Franke tugging at her sleeve, hadn't heard the off-color joke tumbling off her tongue. It was as if she had shut down, everything about her off and wrong, the mist coating her eyes blurring her wide pupils, and she had gazed at shag carpet spanning across the floor.
Franke didn't know what to do. She wasn't sure if she needed to call someone. Phoebe was the trained therapist, not her. Raz and Lili could have explored Crystal's mind and untangled her mental cobwebs, not her. She was a Psychonaut, but she wasn't as advanced as her fellow agents. She had gripped her psycho portal, fiddled with it, nibbled on her lip, and searched for the right words to say.
All it took was a sniff to break her. Crystal's breath hitched. Her expression tightened, lines creasing her brow and distorting her dimples. Her lips pursed together so tightly that they seemed to vanish from her face. She crumpled to her knees, her legs giving out, and her arms threatened to do the same had she not pressed her palms over her eyes.
"Whoa! Hey, Crystal? What's wrong?" Franke exclaimed, kneeling next to her. She dropped her psycho portal, her rational thoughts slipping from her. All she could do was observe.
Crystal convulsed. She shivered from head to toe as if someone had doused her in ice water. Sharp, shaky breaths escaped her. The sounds she emitted reminded Franke of a miserable cat, her sobs piercing her eardrums. Tears smeared her round cheeks. They never hit the carpet, her knuckles pressing into her eyes.
Franke racked her brain for anything that might have caused her sudden sorrow. She didn't know what had gone wrong. They had a lovely time. It was a night on the town that seemed too good to be true. They had gone ice skating at a local rink, and Crystal had guided her along the ice when she stumbled over her two left feet. The smile on Crystal's face had been so infectious, so full of life that Franke had to return it, even when she fell flat on her ass in front of a group of sneering kids.
She sputtered something Franke couldn't hear. Fragments of words spilled out of Crystal. Franke wreathed her arm around Crystal's shoulder and brought Crystal's head to the crook of her neck.
"It's okay, it's okay," Franke murmured, trying to ignore her mounting fear.
"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn stupid," Crystal hissed out, her bangs hiding her face. She threaded her fingers through her messy curls. "It's so - dammit, I'm sorry. I-" She withdrew her hand and clenched her fist in front of her chest, sucking in a heavy breath. "I didn't mean to - I'm sorry, I'm sorry for just-"
"D-don't worry, uh, don't worry about it," Franke blurted in an octave higher than she liked.
Up close, Franke noticed the dark circles hidden underneath Crystal's concealer. Purple rings clashed with the muted orange hue under her eyes. Had she been worrying about the date? Or had something else bothered her enough to keep her awake at night? The realization felt like a punch to the back of Franke's head.
Franke snatched her psycho portal and raised it. "Should I-?"
Crystal hesitated. She seemed to examine the birch door decorated in violet flowers and orange swirls. Her chest still heaved, her breathing rocky, but she closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.
Tossing the portal over her shoulder, Franke pushed back her bangs. Although Crystal still wept, she ceased her howling. Instead, a strange lethargy seemed to seize her. It was as if she had expelled all of her energy, and her tears rolled down her cheeks in slow, steady drops.
Franke cupped Crystal's hand. Compared to the warmth she exuded at the rink, she was cold. A chill ran up Franke's spine just from holding her.
"Don't apologize, um, please," Franke blurted when Crystal tried again. "You've done nothing that you need to apologize for."
Crystal finally met her gaze. The mist remained, fogging her usually clear, vibrant blue eyes that reminded Franke of the deepest part of the sea. With her free hand, she reached for Franke as if someone puppeteered her limb, and Franke grabbed her, squeezing it, suppressing the chill.
"I'm…happy," Crystal finally muttered. "It's like I'm, I dunno, I'm too happy."
Franke resisted the urge to arch an eyebrow. Sometimes, Crystal said things that confused her, but it was not the time or place to bring up that sentiment. "I'm happy, too," she quickly said. "Nothing wrong with being happy, right?"
Crystal opened her mouth to respond, but her lips pressed together in a way that reminded Franke of a fish giving up the effort to breathe. "Sometimes, it's too much," she murmured, hoarse. "When I get too happy, my brain tells me that I shouldn't be. It comes out of nowhere. I try to tell myself, 'no, that's wrong, I'm not like that anymore,' but it builds and builds until…" She sniffled, her nostrils flaring, the mucus lining their rims. "...I burst out of fucking nowhere."
Franke gritted her teeth. It was a problem that had followed Crystal since she was a child. She knew she had been responsible for a part of it as the other half of a duo who gladly picked at Crystal's happiness in summer camp for cruel reasons Franke balked over as an adult.
But she couldn't stew in her guilt and lament her past. Her girlfriend was a shell of her exuberant self. And Franke, unable to think clearly, blurted out the first words that came to mind.
"Brain problems, we all got 'em," she said, and she rapped her knuckles against her head. "I mean, hey, look at me. I can't talk to a cute girl without sounding like a goober or making myself so flustered I internally combust." She paused, Crystal continuing to stare at her. Heat burned her cheeks a splotchy dark red. "Um, okay, joking was definitely not the way to go at this. What can I, uh, do for you? Tell me what I can do, and I'll do it."
Franke counted the seconds. Each seemed unreasonably longer than the last. Crystal looked at her without seeing her, and Franke pressed her thumbs against Crystal's knuckles, rubbing circles that she hoped soothed her.
Crystal swallowed. "You mean it?"
She bobbed her head up and down. "Definitely."
Freeing her hands, Crystal inched closer to Franke. She pulled her knees to her chest. She rubbed her lips together, her eyes shifting around her living room. Hunching her shoulders, she blinked the tears off her long lashes clumped together from her damp mascara.
"I need you, so, um, please stay for the night?" Crystal asked. "Sorry. I know it sounds babyish."
Franke smiled. She traced her hands along Crystal's toned arms and cupped her shoulders. "Is that all?" she asked, using her fingertips to caress her cheeks. Crystal sighed and closed her eyes, Franke gently tracing small circles on her skin again. "You know I'll do that in a heartbeat. I'll stay up with you all night and all morning if you want, and we can call in a sick day if you wanna stay up even later than that."
Crystal sucked in a ragged breath. She wasted no further time and buried her face against Franke's shirt. She enveloped her in an embrace that could have broken a brittle bone.
Holding Crystal close, stroking through her hair, and wondering what to do next, Franke closed her eyes. She thought of what she wanted to say, but it didn't sound right. She struggled, cursing her ineptitude.
But listening to Crystal breathe, no longer harsh or snotty, Franke remembered her request and let themselves be still.