Kurt could hear the sound of fireworks popping off in the distance as people throughout the city continued to ring in the New Year. Midnight had come and gone a little while ago, and, surprisingly, it didn't seem as though the police had busted anyone for their private firework shows yet—not that Kurt was complaining; taking out his keys to unlock his front door, Kurt mused that it was a good thing so many people were enjoying themselves tonight. At least someone was.
Upon entering his apartment, he dropped his keys and bag on the table, and hung his coat and scarf on the new coat tree his father had given him for Christmas. Then he just stood and looked around, trying to decide what to do. He didn't feel tired enough to go to bed, and he wasn't hungry, having gotten plenty to eat at the party he had just come from. He was going to have to come up with something to do until he was ready to turn in for the night, it was just a matter of what.
He was just contemplating putting on an episode of Murder, She Wrote, when there was a knock at his door. Curious, he went to answer it, and when he did, he found one Elliott Gilbert standing on the other side.
"Hey!" Elliott greeted him with a big smile. "Glad I caught you. You left your phone on the dessert table." He held the cell phone in question out to him as he spoke.
"Oh," said Kurt, a little flustered both by the unexpected visit and the realization that he'd made it all the way home without noticing he didn't have his phone on him. "Thanks," he said, taking the phone from Elliott.
"Sure, no problem," Elliott returned.
There was a pause. Kurt was expecting Elliott to say goodnight and be on his way then, but instead, he continued to stand in the doorway, studying Kurt carefully.
"Is everything okay?" Elliott asked after a moment. "Mercedes said you left before midnight, so I just wanna make sure you're feeling alright before I leave."
Kurt shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine," he replied in a tone that was wholly unconvincing even to his own ears.
The soft look that came to Elliott's eyes then told him that he had heard how fake it was, too. Kurt, not having the energy to try and play it off, opened the door a little wider and turned and walked farther into his apartment, giving Elliott an unspoken invitation to follow, because something told him that whether he liked it or not, this conversation was not over.
Kurt heard the door close softly behind him, but he didn't turn around yet.
"What happened?" Elliott asked. "What made you decide to leave early?"
"Nothing happened," Kurt said dismissively.
"Well, something had to," Elliott returned, not convinced. "If not tonight, then sometime beforehand." After a beat, he asked gently, "Is this about not having anyone to kiss at midnight this year?"
Kurt hugged his arms to his chest, not answering.
"Because I totally get the pressure to feel like you have to kiss someone at a New Years party," Elliott went on, "even if you're not seeing anyone. And I know it can be difficult and awkward—but I promise you, no one at that party cares. They're your friends; they all understand. Even if they didn't, you don't have to explain your romantic history to anyone."
Kurt sighed. "This isn't about being single on New Year's Eve," he said, turning around to face Elliott at last. He knew that was as good as an admission that something was wrong, but he didn't elaborate any further.
Elliott sighed. "Look, Kurt, whatever it is, you know you can talk to me. I know something's bothering you, and it has been for a few days now at least. I just want you to be okay."
Looking at his friend's concerned face now, so kind and caring like he always was, it became even harder for Kurt to keep from telling Elliott how he was feeling. He really hadn't wanted to bother him with any of this, but that was looking less and less like an option now.
"It's not about me feeling pressured to kiss anyone," Kurt found himself saying before he could stop it. Once the words were out, he massaged his temples with one hand, feeling a headache coming on.
A headache. Now there's the perfect excuse for leaving a loud late-night party, genius, he thought wryly. But it was too late; he had put this conversation off for long enough. Maybe now it was finally time to tell Elliott the truth.
"It's about you."
Elliott drew back a little and shook his head, confused. "I don't—"
"Look, Elliott, I don't know if you've noticed," Kurt started, "but things have started changing between us—for me at least, if not for you. You've been my best friend for so long—you've been amazing, standing beside me through all the crazy stuff that happened with Blaine and with Rachel and Santana, and with all the other drama I went through these past couple of years—and somewhere along the way, I…I started to feel differently about you. I feel like our friendship has started growing into something closer. The truth is, I think I'm in love with you."
Kurt paused then to evaluate Elliott's reaction. He looked surprised, certainly, but not shocked, which confirmed Kurt's suspicions: he had felt it, too.
"And I'm terrified of doing anything about it, because I don't want you to think I expect anything from you," Kurt pressed on, his heart thudding in his chest now. "That's why I left the party when I did; I didn't want to be in the same room with you at midnight, because if there was any chance you felt the same way about me, then I knew that we would be just one love confession away from becoming a couple. And if I let the party and the alcohol and all the excitement of the occasion get to my head, I was afraid I would tell you how I felt, and then you would feel like you had to kiss me when midnight struck."
Elliott's mouth had fallen open, and he just stared at Kurt, his eyes wide with surprise one moment and narrowing with confusion the next.
"Okay, wait," Elliott said when he'd gotten his bearings. "Are you saying that this whole time, you haven't told me how you felt about me because…you were worried that I wouldn't know how to say 'no'?"
"No, not that exactly," said Kurt. "It's just—I know you've dated some real jerks before, and I know what it's like, being in a relationship where you feel pressured to…give more than you're prepared to. And I know how that kind of thing can continue to mess with your head even after you've moved on to the next relationship."
Elliott nodded thoughtfully, letting everything Kurt was saying sink in.
"And I know we both function differently," Kurt went on, "and I'm more physical than you are when it comes to relationships—but I don't care about any of that. I just care about you, and I just don't ever want to make you feel the way any of your exes made you feel—the way Blaine made me feel. I don't want to drive you away by telling you I love you because you're worried that I'm going to end up running out on you or trying to make you do something you're uncomfortable with. I want you to feel comfortable and safe and loved just the way you are—because I honestly wouldn't change anything about you."
Kurt shook his head, feeling a little embarrassed now. Hearing himself finally say it all out loud made it not seem as monumental a thing to be keeping to himself. "I probably should have just said something," he admitted, "but it's not exactly the kind of conversation you have in front of a crowd, plus I just wasn't sure how to bring it up. Am I being completely stupid about this whole thing?"
Elliott gave him a small smile. "No," he said softly. "I don't think you're being stupid at all." With a teasing smirk, he added, "A little…extra, maybe."
Kurt huffed a little laugh.
"But, no," Elliott continued. "Honestly, Kurt…it means the world to me that you care that much about my comfort level. And even though I'm not exactly in danger of feeling pressured by you—I already know you're not like that—I have been afraid of telling you how I felt about you because I didn't know if the whole ace thing would be a dealbreaker for you or not."
"It definitely is not," Kurt assured him.
Elliott's smile widened. "Good," he said, his eyes taking on a misty look. "Because I think I'm in love with you, too. And honestly, I'm just as terrified of screwing everything up, so maybe we should both just relax?"
"Easier said than done," Kurt deadpanned, making Elliott laugh. Then he smiled back. "But I think it's worth a shot."
Elliott nodded. "Me too," he replied. Then after a moment's hesitation, he took a couple of steps closer to Kurt. "Also…" he drawled. "If you do want to kiss me, or anything else…" he shrugged. "It's okay to ask."
Kurt tilted his head in confusion. "Wait, I thought—"
"Asexuality is a spectrum, Kurt," Elliott explained with a grin. "And everyone has their own individual comfort level with sex and kissing and stuff like that. For me, I don't mind it—I even enjoy it—just as long as it's under the right circumstances, and, you know, with the right person."
Kurt's eyebrows rose. "Huh," he let out. You learn something new every day. "Well, in that case…" Now he began to walk slowly toward Elliott, meeting him in the middle. "Since it is New Years, after all, and…well, I'm sure it's midnight somewhere. Would it—"
"Yes," Elliott interrupted, smiling. "Go ahead."
Looking up at Elliott with eyes twinkling with fondness, Kurt reached out with one hand, and Elliott mirrored the motion. Kurt pressed his hand against Elliott's very lightly—just a touch of the fingertips to begin with—and when Elliott interlaced their fingers together, Kurt reached out to let him take his other hand. He knew Elliott had said yes, but he wanted to let him take the lead, just in case.
Elliott's hands were steady as they held Kurt's, and they remained so as he leaned in and delivered a kiss to his lips, which Kurt gladly reciprocated.
It was soft and sweet, like a first kiss should be, a little hesitant at the start, but soon settling into something more relaxed and almost familiar as both young men remembered that they had nothing to be nervous about with each other.
After a moment, the kiss ended as softly as it had begun, and Kurt sighed contentedly, keeping his eyes shut as he felt Elliott's forehead come to rest against his.
Another moment later, Elliott's lips were on his again, but this time he was kissing him with more vigor, much to Kurt's pleasure. Elliott reached up to hold the back of Kurt's head with one hand as he gently pushed in farther, deepening the kiss and pressing himself closer against him.
Kurt responded by drawing himself up higher, standing on his toes, and letting his hands rest on Elliott's waist as he welcomed his enthusiasm.
This kiss got its start faster, but ended up slower and more drawn-out than the first one as they were both more confident, letting themselves project more feeling into it.
When at last they both came apart for air, Kurt opened his eyes and found that at some point, they had gotten so into it that Elliott was holding him in a dip, and his own arms were now wrapped around Elliott's neck.
"Damn," Kurt said when he had caught his breath, making no effort to pull himself upright again. "Either the fireworks have gotten louder, or that's the best kiss I've ever had."
Elliott laughed with relief. "And here I was afraid I would be bad at it," he admitted. "My last boyfriend said I could never find the balance between being too much of a tease and being boring. Nothing I did was ever enough for him."
Kurt shook his head. "It's enough for me," he said earnestly, holding Elliott's gaze without wavering.
The look that came to Elliott's face at those words was the exact opposite of the reaction Kurt had feared he would have if he told him how he really felt about him, and Kurt smiled. He would have to make it his New Year's resolution to do the things he was afraid of more often.