Hurt Locker

Chapter Seven- You owe me a seashell

Riley woke up feeling better than she had in weeks. It was amazing what a few hours of sleep could do. She had so much energy. She sat up in bed when she noticed the empty chair by her bed. The night's event came rushing back to her. Mac had stayed at her side all night. She scoffed at the thought that he was the cure for her night terrors. What would she tonight when he wouldn't be at her side?

She rubbed the remaining sleep from her eyes and checked the time on her phone. It was close to midday. She stretched her muscles then ghosted through the empty house. She noticed a post it on the refrigerator door.

'Baby steps, try for me?'

She didn't know what the post it meant. She hoped he hadn't cooked anything, she would hate to waste his food and his time. Her stomach was still tied up in knots.

When she opened the fridge there some bottles of Ensure and other meal replacement drinks. It looked like he went to the store and bought every brand he could find. A small smile curved her lips. Had she ever met anyone so thoughtful? She cringed realizing she couldn't know for sure. Maybe she had?

She took up one of the bottles with a small smile and tired it. The vanilla flavored drink went down smoothly. She was relieved, baby steps indeed. She looked around the empty house. What was she going to do all day with so much energy alone?

She began exploring the house but found nothing of interest. Mac's house also doubled as a garage and she didn't what a majority of the tools were for. She winded up in the attic when she remembered it used to be her room before Bozer moved out. It was a clean well-kept space. She remembered where her bed and dresser used to be. Now it was empty except for some boxes of trinkets. She stooped down when something caught her eye, a red and yellow stress ball. It felt familiar. She picked it up and was transported back to a funeral. She didn't know who's at first.

She couldn't stop staring at Mac from the corner of her eyes. He was a pillar of strength but she knew behind that façade he was falling apart. She wanted to go over and hold him but Desi was at his side. He had all the support, a hug from her wouldn't suddenly make things better.

After the service she slipped away to the convenience store for something stronger than the beers at the wake. She saw a box of stress balls at the cash register and tossed two in her basket.

When she returned to the wake her eyes sought him out but she couldn't find him. The wake was held in the lobby at Phoenix. A bunch high officials and government agents that she didn't know. It felt very impersonal and she didn't think anyone could mourn properly with all the suits around. Not really their crowd.

Once she realized he had left the wake altogether she slipped away as well. She knew his hiding place at the Phoenix. She went to the emergency staircase between the last floor and the basement. She made sure she wasn't spotted slipping in. He was sitting on the steps, head cradled between his legs. He looked up startled by her intrusion.

"How'd you know?" he said.

"Oh, I've known about your hiding spot a while now." she said with a small smile. "Can I sit?"

He looked weary, "As long as you don't ask if I'm alright."

"What kind of a stupid question is that," she said.

He pinched the bridge between his eyes, "I know. Tell that to everyone out there." He gestured behind her with his hand. She sat next to him on the steps and opened the bag she had with her.

"I come bearing gifts," she said. She handed him the bottle of cheap vodka she scored at the store. He smirked and took it almost immediately. He took a swig then held it for her to take. She wasn't planning on it but if that's what he needed then she would. She took a swig and cringed as it burned going down. She then dug back into the bag for the stress ball. She passed it to him.

"What's this?" he said. "I mean know what it is but why are you giving it to me?"

"If you feel like screaming or crying, and I'm not around to scream and cry with—then squeeze it."

"Riles," he said but she clamped his hand close around the ball. When she tried to move her hand away moments later his fingers curled around hers.

"How do you always know what to say?" he said.

"Do I?" she said, and he nodded.

"Stay here for as long as you'd like. I'll keep the dogs off your scent."

When she slipped back into the wake Desi approached her.

"Have you seen Mac?"

Riley shook her head. "Not since the service, no."

Riley dropped the ball and found herself tearing up at the memory. The ball was worn out and wrinkled. He had used it a ton. She was glad he didn't need it anymore.

She wiped at her cheeks then rummaged around in the box more. Maybe something else would jog her memories. Her fingers gripped the metal rings before her eyes fell on it. She pulled it from the bottom of the box and realized they were handcuffs.

"Tighter, it has to be believable." Mac said.

"That's what she said?"

Mac laughed as Riley hovered over him fastening the handcuffs to the bed frame.

"Aren't I the one fake married to Riley, shouldn't I be the one she's handcuffing?" Bozer yelled from the bathroom.

"I don't know how much your real girlfriend would like that Bozer." Riley said. Mac smirked up at her.

"Could you not look so comfortable…" she gasped, "or are you comfortable because you've been in this position before?"

He opened his mouth then it fell close, "I plead the fifth."

She cackled, "Wow I'm impressed. Not just a Boy Scout huh? Is there a badge for role play?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mac said. "What about, you seem to have the hang of those things a little too well."

She flushed above him, "I don't kiss and tell."

"So that's a yes,"

"Are you two done?" Bozer's voice made her jump.

Riley dropped the handcuffs. What a weird job. She had to assume it was job. The handcuffs were for sure apart of the job. The flirting on the other hand, she wasn't so sure. She dug back into the box for anything else that was familiar. Anything that would give her more insight into Mac. She found a seashell which was the most random item she had plucked from the box. She was about to write it off as random when she remembered the beach she found it on.

Riley sat on the damp sand just before dawn. She was almost in a trance, lulled by the soft hum of the beach and soft crashing of the waves. She hadn't felt this at peace in a while. It was a nice contrast from the usual gunfire and chaos.

"What are you doing up?" she heard from behind her. Approaching out of the shadows was Mac. He was pulling a t-shirt over his head when he was finally close enough for her eyes to see.

"How often will I get to watch the sunrise in Puerto Rico?" she said.

He sat down next to her. "True." He wrote in the sand idly but didn't speak. They watched the sun rise in silence. It was definitely worth the lack of sleep for Riley. She didn't want to leave.

"Can't we just stay here forever?"

"We can try, but I think Matty would have us hogtied on a Phoenix chopter in less than forty-eight hours."

Riley laughed. "You're right. Doesn't mean we can't come back right?"

"Like a friendcation?" he said.

She nodded, "Something like that." She picked up a seashell from the shore and passed it to him.

"You shouldn't have," Mac joked. She rolled her eyes playfully, "It's not for you, it's a keepsake from Puerto Rico."

"Why are you giving it to me?"

"Because this bikini doesn't have pockets." she said. He laughed and stowed it in the pocket of his cargo shorts.

"Give it back later," she said.

He nodded and tucked it away before rising to his feet. "Water looks great," he said.

"Mac it's six a.m, it probably freezing." she said.

"What better way to start the day?" He took his shirt and took off for the water. "Coming?"

Against her better judgement she shed the oversized shirt she had on and took off behind him. The moment the cold water reached her ankles and she yelped and tried to run right out. Mac grabbed her by the waist and threw over his shoulder. He ran straight to the water ignoring her playful protest.

Riley closed her palm over the shell. She figured he never got the chance to return it to her and they both forgot about it. She didn't want to take it. It felt like it belonged to him now.

She spent another ten minutes going through the boxes but no other memory surfaced. She gave up and headed downstairs. She had another Ensure for lunch and retired to the couch without anything else to do. If this was what recovery without Mac was going to be like she was going to beg to get back to work. She knew she needed to get her strength back up first. Which meant she had to start eating soon.

She flipped on the TV just for something to do. She must have fallen asleep watching some old school gangster movie. She fell into another memory, the nightmare that always plagued her dreams. She had killed someone. This time was different, Mac was there, squatting in front of her. He was saying something to her but she couldn't hear him. Her heart was pounding through her ears. She felt his hands on her face, forcing their eyes to meet.

She finally heard his voice.

"I said are you okay?" he said. She shook her head still in shock.

"I don't want to lose myself doing this job," she whispered.

"I promise you I won't let that happen. I'll be right next to you to remind you who you are." he said.

"Who's that exactly?"

He held her face in his hands still. And they stayed like that for a while. Completely engrossed in the other.

He opened his mouth to speak but Jack came hurrying through the doors and Mac's hands fell from her face.

Riley shot awake, sweat running down the back of her neck. What was he going to say?

Mac texted Riley after the briefing. He was just checking in but didn't get a reply. He then checked the security camera feed he'd installed and saw her fast asleep on the couch. His shoulders sagged with relief. He was being paranoid. He knew that but he couldn't help himself. He put his phone away as Matty approached him.

"I'm going after Mason," he told her decisively.

"Easy blondie, we don't know where in Europe he's going or what he's planning. When we do and only then will I dispatch you." Matty said.

"Every second we wait, he's plotting and planning. If we don't get to him who knows how many casualties he'll leave behind this time."

"You don't think I know that. We're working as fast as we could. Of course with one of my best agents on sick leave things are not moving fast. If you want this to go any faster then-"

"Absolutely not. Leave her out of this." Mac said/

"I knew you'd say that, which is why we're back to where we started this conversation."

"She's not ready Matty." Mac said.

"Are you sure you're not the one who's not ready?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mac said.

Matty shook her head, "Nothing you're ready to hear." She walked away and left him with his own thoughts. It was eerie how Matty saw right through him.

He wanted to hash out his feelings but the only person he wanted to talk to he couldn't. He didn't want to tell Bozer afraid of what Bozer might think about him. This was not time to be having confusing feelings abut Riley. She was going through a lot and he didn't want it to seem like he was taking advantage of her.

He found Bozer in the lab and closed the door behind him. "I need your help," Mac said.

"Kinda busy," Bozer said, not looking from his computer.

"It's for Riley," Mac said. Only then did Bozer look up. "You should have led with that."

Riley was finishing another bottle of Ensure when the front rattled and Mac appeared.

"I'm back," he smiled. She smiled back. She felt so much closer to him all of a sudden.

"You look better." he said.

"I feel better." she said, "almost out," she said holding up the bottle of Ensure.

"We can go to store later." he said. She liked the sound of 'we'. She nodded and noticed the clunky phone in his hand. It looked like a walkie talkie and first-generation cell phone all rolled into one.

"What's that?" she said. He smiled and stretched out his hand to give it to her. She took it tentatively. "A satellite phone, somebody wants to talk to you," Mac said.

Riley frowned but placed the phone to her ear anyway.

"Riley?"

Riley gasped, "Jack,"

"Hey kiddo."

Finally.

"Are you okay?" They said in unison. "Hey that's my line," Jack said.

Mac slowly backed out of the room and let them talk. She made a mental note to thank him for this.

"You scared me kid," he said.

"I scared myself. I wish you were here," she started, sliding to the floor and hugging her knees. "I don't know who I am, not really."

"Yeah you do, you're the rebellious, brave, amazing girl you've always been. Only now you're a secret government agent."

She wiped at her eyes, "I miss you. A lot."

"I'll be back before you know it. You're in good hands until then, trust me."

"How-how long do we have?" she said.

"We'll talk as long you want kid," She smiled. Mac passed through the living on his way to take a shower. "Thank you," she whispered and he smiled in response. Her insides flip flopped at the sight of him. He had told her she always knew what he needed but didn't he realize he was the same with her? She really needed to hear Jack's voice. He couldn't know how much it meant to her.

Jack began about his adventures chasing terrorist and Riley smiled listening to him.

A/N: Thank you guys for putting up with my fickle ass. When I started HL I was in an angsty place lol so when I started to feel better I didn't like the ending I had originally planned. I finally worked out a new ending that works so we're back on track.

Hope you guys watch a lot of reruns, bonus points if you can name the episodes that inspired the flashbacks.