Hurt Locker

Chapter Eight- Things We Shouldn't Do

Mac found Riley on the deck the neck morning. She was sitting cross legged watching the city wake up.

"Hey sleepy head," he said. She turned at his voice and smiled but it didn't reach her tired eyes. She didn't wake early; she hadn't slept at all.

"Rough night?" he said. She shrugged weakly. "Stop worrying, I'll be okay." He could tell she didn't believe a word she said. He sat next to her facing the opposite direction, only her profile was visible to him.

"I'm really sorry you're going through this Riley. It's all my fault."

"Would you stop with that. I'm tired of hearing you apologize."

Mac wondered if there was a reason she hadn't asked for the full story. She was distancing herself from her accident. He didn't know what else he could do to make her open up.

"I'm so-" he caught himself and stopped. "I have to go in."

She looked up then and nodded solemnly. "We're close to finding him Riles."

He got up and left to get ready for work.

A piercing scream sliced through Mac's subconscious and he shot awake, adrenaline flooding his veins. Once he got his bearings, he pinpointed the scream came from Riley's room. He tumbled out of bed and bolted for her room. He swung open her door, having to stop himself from kicking it open in his urgency. Riley was thrashing around in bed and shot awake from the noise of his intrusion. Her heart rate was through the roof. He could hear her panting from where he stood. Beads of sweat trickled down her forehead and coated her neck. Stray curls clung to her neck completely saturated. She looked scared for her life. Light from the open door spilled into her room and lighted her figure. She was grasping at her chest taking big deep breaths trying to self soothe.

"I was locked in a trunk, clawing to get out." she said between gulps of air. Another traumatic memory Mac thought. He rushed to her side and scooped her into his arms. She was drenched in sweat and was warm to the touch.

Stroking her damp hair and rocking her in his arms he said, "You're burning up." Still trying to get her blood pressure under control Riley moved with him, her face hung unto his shoulder. Their noses touched, their lips inches apart. Mac felt his own pressure rising and became aware Riley had only slept in oversized t-shirt. Warm thighs hung over his and he felt like a pig that his mind even drifted there. He closed his eyes to try and erase the thoughts as he rocked her in his arms.

After some time she said. "I'm sorry. I feel like a child." Her breathing had slowed, still a big ragged but better than before. She crawled out of his lap and settled on the bed next to him.

"Who's apologizing now?" he said, moving wet hair off her forehead. He placed the back of his hand against her forehead and sighed.

"I'll go make you a cold compress," he said getting up from the bed. Her hands were around his wrist in an instant.

"Could you just stay with me instead?"

Mac gulped. Could he be trusted? But looking down at her desperate eyes he couldn't do anything but nod his head.

"Give me one second," he said. He went to his room for his pillow and his phone just in case there was news about Mason, and he had to leave in a hurry.

When he got back to her room, she was in the corner near the chest of drawers tearing the damp t-shirt off her head. Mac quickly looked away, but it was clear she didn't really care about modesty at the moment. She changed shirts, still forgoing pants and climbed into bed first. Mac followed her and curled into a fetal position, mimicking her position. Facing each other and locked into an intense gaze, Mac considered saying something but her breathing had quieted and her eyelids began fluttering close. He realized his presence was all the solace she needed. She was lulling him to sleep as much he was lulling her. The last thing he felt before drifting off were her small fingers curling around his palm.

Mac woke alone in her bed. He wondered if they should make it a permanent thing. Sleeping together. For who's benefit, he didn't know. When he finally crawled out of the bed morning he was shocked to find Riley in the kitchen eating a banana. He was so happy he rushed over to her and spun her around. He set her down when he realized she might not be comfortable with him yet. Granted they had slept in the same bed, she had barely touched him with her fingers. Being able to touch her whenever he wanted was a luxury he took for granted. It had been so natural before and now he had to think about it before doing it casually. Grabbing her during a crisis was one thing but being able to touch her whenever he wanted was another thing. In fact, Riley had been overtly touchy before her accident. He didn't realize how much he missed it until now.

"Sorry -I-" he stumbled over his words and she watched in amusement.

"It's totally cool." she said.

"I'm just happy to see you eating." He said.

"I could tell." She smirked, playful as ever. His heart tightened under his chest. Was he getting back his Riley back?

"Woke up with hunger pains, do you know how long it's been since I've felt hungry. I'm uh- I'm trying to get my strength back, so I can go back to work." She said tentatively.

"Maybe." he said.

"Maybe?"

She looked at him waiting for an answer. He wanted to touch her again, and before he realized what he was doing he was already touching. He held her by the shoulders gently.

"Give me more time, let me catch Mason first." he said.

She frowned. "Mac it's always going to be dangerous. If not Mason then some other psychopath right?"

"Can you wait till I catch them too?"

"Mac,"

He dropped his hands and stepped back.

"I know. I'm being ridiculous. Riley do you even remember where the Phoenix is?"

She scratched her head and twisted her lips.

"I'll make you a deal, you remember how to get to the Phoenix then you can go back to work. No cheating either Artemis37."

"You going in?" she said.

He shook his head, "Nope, don't get any ideas about lojacking me. I'm going to teach the cubscouts. You could come if you'd like."

"Yeah?"

He nodded, of course he had a sick need to keep her close. He kept telling himself it was to keep her safe but it felt selfish to him, probably because it was.

Ten minutes later he was rummaging through his drawers for a cubscout t-shirt for Riley. She had lost hers during the move or simply didn't remember she owned one.

The t-shirt hung off her shoulders a little bit. She tied a knot at the waist to shorten the shirt in front. Mac thought she looked adorable. He stared at her when she was finished. Optically, it seemed like nothing had changed between them.

"What?" she said.

He shook his head, "that shirt has never looked better."

When they arrived at the training camp, the kids ran past Mac straight to Riley.

They clung around her waist in a mass of excitable cheers.

"It seems you made quite the lasting impression." he said. She stooped down to greet some of the kids. She looked happy. It shifted his own mood, and he would do anything to keep that look on her face even for the day.

"Okay…okay, give Riley some space and take your seats." The Cubs protested a bit before shuffling away from Riley. "Now who remembers what we learnt last time?"

Eager hands shot through the air and Mac tried to focus on their answers, even the outlandish ones. But she was standing behind him and he could not ignore her presence for even a moment. Sweat broke out on the back of his neck, trying to put space between was going to be his toughest mission yet.

After going being couped up in the house for so long Riley was glad to be outside. It didn't matter that it was with a bunch of kids. She'd take it. It was fun actually, the kids were sweet. Mac was a good teacher. He had a way of breaking down complex thoughts into ideas kids could easily grasp. They had these cute doe eyed expressions whenever he spoke, she wondered if that's how she looked when he spoke as well. She even learned some new things or possibly relearned some new things, she didn't quite know. When the demonstration was over Mac sat next to her on the pavilion.

"Ready to go?" he said.

She shook her head, "I'm going stir crazy. Can we please stay out a little longer." She was aware she was coming off like a petulant teenager she just didn't care.

"I guess we don't have to go home straight away." he said, his eyes lit up, "Now that you gotten your appetite back let's go get some grub,"

She'd eat anything once they could eat it outside. She told him as they piled back into the car. They drove for quite some time and she tried her hardest not to sneak peeks at him. But damn that jawline. She wished she knew for sure if anything had ever happened between them. It was too embarrassing to ask but too strong to ignore. But she would die if the answer was no. Still, how much longer could she ignore what she was feeling.

He drove them to a huge park. There were benches and tables in the middle and an array of food trucks parked along the sidewalk.

"Grab a seat," he said.

She did but there weren't that many seated patrons. Passersby bought their food and took them to go. They were two of the five people in total who seemed to be occupying some of the picnic tables. Mac came back with two paper boxes. A loaded hot dog each and two sodas cradled to his chest. He placed them on the table and said, "I found this place a while back, I had been meaning to tell you about it…" he scratched his brow and shook his head not finishing his thought.

Instead he said, "Let's eat,"

What started as a quick lunch quickly spiraled into a mission. To try at least one item from every food truck. They ate and talked about the happier memories she was experiencing. He filled in gaps between events she had pieced together herself. The evening got away from them and it was late evening when they retired as amateur food critics.

Once the food had finished Riley looked at the sky and was glad Mac didn't bring up going home.

"I think I need to walk this food off," she said.

"Want company?" he said.

"Oh, that was non negotiable,"

He chuckled and fell into step beside her. They kept to the path meant for cyclists and lost themselves in nature and idle conversations. Mac was nerding out while she was trying to figure out how to broach a difficult topic.

"Why didn't you bring me here?" she said.

"Huh?"

"You were saying back at the table that you wanted to show me this place…"

"Oh,"

He flushed. "Before you got hurt," he stopped walking as if the conversation needed all his focus. "We were kinda drifting apart, it felt like you were pulling away from me."

"I was?"

"Well that's it seemed like to me. Maybe it was just all in my head but you wouldn't even look me in the eye."

That hadn't been what she was expecting. She racked her brain to try and make sense of his words but none came. She loved spending time with him. Why was she pulling away from him then.

"I don't know why I did that. It's so frustrating."

"I'm not sure what I did. Must have done something so. Screwing things up is kind of my forte."

Her heart broke. Why would he say that? He was too hard on himself.

"Maybe…maybe it's not what you did. Maybe it's what I didn't want to do,"

"Like what?"

She shook her head. "Nothing," She continued and the conversation about hummingbird species picked back up. They were right back where they started.

They probably walked for another hour before they returned to the parked car. The food trucks had left, probably to a different location that got more patrons at night. The park was deserted and made Riley want to start the evening over. She was looking out wistfully at the empty space when she heard Mac.

"Please forgive me," he said. She didn't understand his words until he lowered his head and lifted her chin with his fingers. He kissed her in the shadow of a big tree. Riley blinked her eyes close not entirely sure if this was all a dream or not. As his mouth began to move over hers she realized she had never kissed Mac before because this was something she could never forget. His hand slid from her chin to around her neck and pressed her more forcefully into him. She opened her mouth to him and completely gave up trying to fight her feelings for him. He buried his tongue deep in her mouth and she clung to him in response, her finger dug right into his shoulder. She was sure if she let go, she would collapse and find that her knees no longer worked.

His hunger grew as his tongue plunged in and out of her mouth. She struggled to keep up with him but she didn't even mind. She liked being at his mercy. She could have stayed like that for the rest of the day no problem but she heard his ragged breath and pulled away slowly. His hand was still tangled in the hair at the back of her neck when he looked at her with a pair of apologetic eyes.

She knew it before he said it.

"I'm sorry Riles, we shouldn't have-I shouldn't have."