I do not own Star Wars in any capacity.
Enjoy chapter 18!
It certainly didn't seem like anything significant had happened here. The streets were crowded and bustling with people of all alien races. Shacks and half-dilapidated store fronts were crammed together under messes of power lines.
Not that Cal had expected any different. The residents of Nar Shaddaa had businesses to run and people to swindle.
"You sure we're in the right… part?" Zeb asked.
"The rumors all point to the Hutta Town," Cal said with a shrug. "I asked around and the local bartender said an old human man wielding a hammer-like electro weapon fought another human man wielding a red blade and a giant wolf in the tech corridor."
The Lasat sighed. "Why would an Inquisitor be fighting their own Purge Trooper…?"
"I don't know, but I find the notion fascinating," Cal murmured back. Beyond the fight, he was also curious about the Inquisitor's daiima. He had never encountered a daiima matching the bartender's description. The lack of shifting implied that this was not the same child Inquisitor that had been on Lothal. Though they couldn't ignore the fact that there were two incidents involving the Inquisitorious so close together after years of not hearing a peep from them.
[How are we supposed to find any clues here?] Rida asked.
[It can't hurt to ask around] Cal said, knowing full well his psychometry probably wouldn't be of much use in a place as loud as this.
Under the guise of perusing wares, they tried to glean any other details of this incident. The problem was that there were too many details. Every seller had their own version of the story. There did seem to be a core set of facts that Cal was pretty confident in. It was certainly an Inquisitor and Purge Trooper, the Inquisitor's daiima was some sort of giant white wolf… but some said that the Purge trooper had fought someone else first. What seemed to be a child and a shapeshifting creature.
The child Inquisitor from Lothal had evidently met back up with their master. It still begged the question why they were here.
Cal frowned when he spotted a storefront was boarded up. It was not a common sight. If an establishment closed due to violence or a failed business, the space was usually immediately filled up by another purveyor. So why wasn't this one? He walked over and put his hand on the door, but couldn't sense anything.
"Can I help you?" A pale human man was sticking his head out from the stall to the left. "If you're looking for Kaadak… I'm afraid she's dead."
Cal filed the name away for later. "What happened?" he asked.
The man hesitated, looking between Cal and Zeb and the boarded up door. "Look, I don't know what's been going on around here…" he said. "But I don't want any part of it. Nasty business…"
"Did this happen at the same time as this big fight we keep hearing about?" Zeb asked. "Few days ago, a man in black and a redblade with a giant wolf…"
To their surprise, the man shook his head. "No… this was just yesterday." The man's voice began to quiver. "I just heard a loud commotion. I was gonna go over and check, but then this Imperial walked out."
"An Imperial?" Zeb echoed. "How can you be so sure?"
"She had the cog." The man put a hand on his upper bicep. "But I think she had something to do with the fight the other day."
"And what makes you say that?" Cal asked.
"She… She had this nexu with her. Now I don't know why an Imperial would have an animal with them considering, ya know…"
[Another Inquisitor?] Rida said incredulously. [What is going on here?]
[I don't know, but three Inquisitors making so much noise in less than three weeks? Something is going on.]
"What in blazes is a nexu?" Zeb asked.
"Imagine a tooka, except it's about as big as you and covered in spines," Cal said flatly. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a couple credits. "Thanks," he said, tossing them to the man.
The man caught them, then gave a small smile. "My pleasure~"
"C'mon," Cal said to Zeb. "Let's get back to the Mantis."
"So what now?" Zeb asked as they made their way through the Nar Shaddaa crowds. "What are we supposed to do next?"
Cal sighed. "Next, I think we need to contact Fulcrum."
It was… really nice here.
It was a perfectly honest thought, but it also sounded flat even in Ezra's own head. The planet was filled with life, and yet it felt so much more open and peaceful than the Ghost. It wasn't just the fresh air. The Force itself felt refreshing.
It was nice. But he also felt wholly out of place here. He was this disgusting tangle of darkness tainting the clean flow of the Force.
Kanan threw another big log on the fire before sitting back down by Nara. It had been a relatively mundane day. They had spent hours finding a good camping spot in the woods near a water source, setting up tents, and then looking for wood and food. Kanan and Nara had given them instructions on what to look for in the local flora and how to cut the wood properly. It was all easy enough to understand and obey.
But now those duties were done, and Ezra had nothing left to do but sit by the fire and stew in his own head. The Force energy of the planet was as cool as the gentle breeze that was washing over him, but he felt like he was shredding it to ribbons just by sitting there. His Force signature was an amalgamation of sharp shards of ice dripping with sticky black ooze.
It would have been overwhelmingly oppressive if it weren't for Kanan sitting nearby. In the last few days, Ezra had become much more keenly aware of the man's signature and presence in the Force. Once he had figured out how to sidestep the horrifying void between Kanan and Nara, he was finally able to see Kanan. It wasn't cold like his; it was hot. So hot that Ezra feared that he would actually burn if he got too close. And yet it wasn't the bright light you might expect from such a heat. It was a dark reddish glow, darker than this campfire. It was… It was like the glow of a nearly dead star, flares bursting from its surface and writhing in dull pain.
It was nothing like Ezra's signature, but somehow made him feel a little less alone.
Kanan was adjusting the portable pot that was sitting at the edge of the fire, warming up some water that they would use to dissolve some ration powder. Even though Ezra and his daiima had gathered a decent bit of edible flora and nuts, Kanan said it would be good to have something hot before turning in for the night.
"So… what now?" Ezra asked.
Kanan looked at him over the fire. "Good question." He leaned back against Nara. "I think the first thing we need to do is get the Little One a proper name."
Ezra looked down at his daiima, who was laying between his legs. She stretched out on her back, her head resting on his thigh. The heat of the fire was pleasant compared to the chill night air. Ezra had been absentmindedly running a hand over the white hairs of his daiima's belly, which felt as if they were superheated from the fire.
He looked back up at Kanan. "So I just… make one up?"
"No, it's not that simple," Kanan said slowly. "You're going to have to discover her name together."
Ezra frowned. What was that supposed to mean?
"It's something you find in the Force," Nara elaborated. "You'll need to meditate together, search both within yourselves and let the Force guide you to her name."
While it was an explanation, Ezra still had no idea what that was supposed to mean. The Force was going to... what, speak with him? The Force was just this energy, this power, with which he could control and wield for the Empire.
Ezra flinched and looked down, shame welling up at him at the mere thought. Thank the stars that Kanan couldn't read his mind.
"But the bond between the two of you needs to be clear," Kanan went on. "You need to be in sync and focused."
They could do that. They had done it time and time again during their training, coordinating their attacks and moving as a team. "Okay," Ezra said with a nod.
But Kanan didn't seem to be happy with his answer. "Okay…?" he echoed skeptically. He shifted slightly against Nara. "I don't think you're understanding the magnitude of what we're asking."
Ezra frowned and quickly shook his head. "N-No, I do!" he said earnestly. "We're good fighters! I-I-I mean I earned my collar for a reason…!"
"This has nothing to do with fighting!"
Ezra recoiled in a full body flinch, quickly ducking his head down as his heart pounded. What the hell was he doing? This was his master. Where did he get the nerve to talk back to him? He just needed to keep his mouth shut, listen, and obey.
There was a tired sigh, and he could feel annoyance in this bizarre bond between himself and Kanan. Ezra's eyes burned as fear began to bubble in his belly as his mind spun around a single question: What was Kanan going to do to him?
"I'm sorry."
There was a roaring in Ezra's ears as he looked back up with a frown. Kanan was staring at the fire, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "W-What?" Ezra asked, his voice barely a whisper.
There was a short low growl before Kanan quickly cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he said just a bit louder. "I didn't mean to yell at you." He took a deep breath. "I just meant that you're probably going to have to forget everything the Inquisitorious has taught you."
Ezra felt sick at the prospect, all his innards from his neck to his intestines feeling rotten. The Inquisitorious was all he knew. Any recollections he had from before were unreliable at best. But his training on Arkanis and Nur were concrete memories. To forget everything, after he had worked so hard to brand those lessons into every corner of his mind and soul…
He really did need to turn himself into nothing but a shell. Dismantle everything and let Kanan build him back up into a tool he could wield. And so with a shaky sigh, Ezra nodded. "Okay."
Kanan was rubbing his hands together slowly. "The Force isn't a weapon," he said, his voice quiet and even. "It's… It's everything. It's everywhere. It surrounds us, guides us, it binds the galaxy together."
Ezra nodded slowly as Kanan spoke, trying to focus on the words and commit them to memory. The meaning was less important than his ability to recite and echo to his master's satisfaction.
Kanan leaned forward to check on the water again. "As you know, the Force resides so strongly in some individuals that it coalesces in a soul partner… our daiima."
Ezra's hand twisted in her fur, and her ears twitched up slightly, shifting to raise her head up.
"Ezra…" he said softly. "When was the last time you spoke with her?"
Ezra blinked at that. He knew that Kanan was talking about his daiima, but as he reviewed the day, the day before yesterday, the day before that, he couldn't remember explicitly speaking with her. "I-I'm not sure," he admitted somewhat sheepishly.
"Not just out loud," Kanan said, shaking his head slightly. "What about through your bond?"
She looked up at Ezra, her ears brushing up against his chest. However, Ezra couldn't stand to look down to meet her gaze. Guilt and inexplicable fear tightened around his chest. "... I'm not sure…" he whispered.
His daiima lowered her head, resting it back down against his thigh. Ezra just focused on petting her fur, the knowledge that he was doing something wrong niggling at his brain.
Kanan grabbed a bag of flavored protein powder from the box of rations, ripping it open and dumping it into the pot of hot water. He began to stir it. "Well that would be a good first step."
"... What would be?"
"Talking to her," Nara said, her voice low and rumbling. "Talking with each other. It doesn't have to be aloud, I know you've done it before through your bond. You're never going to be able to move forward unless you two can let your guard down and make that connection."
Ezra kept his gaze focused on Kanan as he poured out the protein broth into two large mugs. Obviously what he should be doing right now is reaching over his bond with his daiima, but his mind felt frozen. It was stupid, especially since they have done it before. That day on Nar Shaddaa, they actually had a full conversation. But this physical contact he had right now felt like enough. He wanted it to be enough.
A mug was set down carefully by the fire in front of Ezra. "Drink up," Kanan said. "You need the calories, and it'll help you sleep."
He didn't know what 'calories' were, but he recognized the order when he heard them. Readjusting slightly, Ezra leaned forward to grab the steaming mug, sniffing it curiously before taking a small sip. It was a little iron-y, but the aftertaste was pleasant enough and it was nice to drink something so warm.
[E-Ezra…?]
He stiffened slightly mid-sip. Of course she would be so much more willing to use their bond. She had always been unwavering, never completely willing to let go of the relationship they had unconsciously developed before his parents were arrested.
Gods, she deserved so much better than him.
[Ezra, please…]
He put the mug down and put both of his hands in her fur. Even though they had communicated through their bond before, right now, it felt impossible. The sensation of her soft fur, the warm energy that was radiating over their bond was so sweet and utterly forbidden, he felt like he would have to punch through a duracrete wall with his bare fist to do anything more.
She suddenly sat up, crawling up tighter in his lap in order to rub her head up against Ezra's chin.
"No!" Ezra pushed her away hard, immediately standing up and taking a couple strides back. "Stop! please, just stop…!"
He felt awful and sick as she cowered from him, her ears flat against her head. At some point in the flurry of movement, Kanan and Nara had gotten to their feet. Nara had her snout next to his daiima, nudging her softly, while Kanan stood by Ezra's side with a hand outreached toward his shoulder.
Ezra wrapped his arms tightly around himself and ducked his head. "I-I'm sorry…" he murmured.
There was a warm weight on his shoulder. It was a small gesture, but some of the tension was drained from Ezra's shoulders. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
[I'm sorry] she said quickly through their bond. [I-I should have known better…]
Ezra rubbed the back of his head in agitation. [Please don't…] Why was it always him? He was constantly hurting her - physically or mentally - and she has done nothing but try to protect and take care of him.
He fell to his knees, pulling on his hair. He wanted to slip into his Inquisitor shell, cradle all of that fear and anger and channel it into unearned confidence. But it was that same shell that had shown no qualms about beating her at their master's whim, so that certainly wasn't going to make anything better.
There was just nothing he could.
"Mmrraw?"
Ezra flinched at the feline vocalization, looking up to see her standing in front of him. Her ears were still pulled back, but she was slowly getting closer. [Don't be sad…]
He gave a humorless smile. [Can't help it] he replied wryly.
Her tail raised slightly at that, her ears twitching. She cautiously stepped up to him and curled up on the ground, pressing her back to Ezra's feet and tucking her face into her tail.
With a small sigh, Ezra sat back down, running a hand over her fur. Why did this have to be so hard?
The mug in front of his face again. Kanan was kneeling beside him, holding it. "Drink up before it gets cold."
Ezra just nodded, taking the quickly cooling mug and gulping down the savory liquid. Then he wiped his mouth and handed it back to Kanan.
The human stood and went back to collect the pot and other mug, rinsing them out with the water he had collected earlier. Nara was walking over to their 'tent' which was mostly just a waterproof canopy with a large and thick pad on the ground for her and Kanan to lay on. Ezra supposed the narrow survival tent wasn't big enough for a daiima such as her.
After putting the cooking supplies away, Kanan settled down by Nara's side. "I'll watch the fire. You two get some sleep."
His daiima shifted into a serpent, slithering up to wrap around his torso before he got up. As he unzipped his tent, there was a powerful swell of grief and fear so intense it left Ezra breathless. When he pinpointed the origin, he frowned and turned around to see Kanan and Nara both gazing at him with unreadable expressions. "What?" Ezra asked hesitantly.
Nara looked away, and Kanan closed his eyes and shook his head as if to clear it. The gut churning emotions were shoved away hastily as Kanan smacked his thigh. "It's nothing," he said. "Go to sleep."
Ezra bit his lip, unzipping the tent all the way and crawling inside. His mind wandered as he kicked his boots off and got himself situated in the sleeping bag. What did he do to cause such a reaction in Kanan? All he had done turn his back and go to his tent.
As he shimmied into the sleeping bag, his daiima unwound herself from his chest and laid out along the length of Ezra's body. He zipped the sleeping back up and curled the opening of the bag up around his head, snuggling into it. She pressed up against him, and he reached down to rest a hand on her smooth scales.
[What do you think we'll be doing tomorrow?] she asked hesitantly.
Ezra sighed and closed his eyes. [I have no idea… But I guess we'll see.]
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